All In The Family

“Did you hear what she said earlier? I don’t believe her!” “Acha, she’s such a liar! I spoke to Motabhai myself, and he said nothing of the sort ever happened!” “Oooh, did you hear what happened between Aunty Ruby and Uncle Dawud?” “Tch, I always knew that they’d split up… she still can’t get over Uncle Ibrahim…”

I’m sure you all know what’s going on here… family gossip! It’s something that we’re all unfortunately familiar with, I think (especially if you’re desi!)… get a bunch of family members together for what’s supposed to be a nice meal, and at first you’ll just hear juicy stories about far-away relatives… but as soon as someone or the other leaves and the group gets smaller, the stories get a bit more venomous and personal.

Now, I bet you all know how terrible gossip is in Islam – it is comparable to eating our dead brother’s flesh. But I think that the problem a lot of us face isn’t not knowing about gossip being bad… it’s about what to do when people around us start gossiping. This already uncomfortable situation becomes about a hundred times worse when it’s your own family members engaging in this gossiping.

When hanging out with my friends, I find it pretty easy to realize when we’ve strayed into shaky ground and casually change the subject. Family gatherings, however, are a whole ‘nother ball game. For one thing, I’m not even supposed to really say anything – I’m just there for show more than anything else, and to help set and clear the table. Which I’m fine with, really… these are family members I’ve pretty much grown up with, so I’m comfortable with them and fond of them and have no issues with them. However, as soon as the stories start flying, I’m desperate to escape. I usually make my getaway by pretending my brothers are up to mischief and I’m off to deal with them, or simply drift away to one of the bedrooms and hope nobody notices.

Yet:
From Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (ra) : RasulAllah (SAW) said : “If one of you sees (something) bad, he should change it with his his hand; and if he is not capable of that, then with his tongue; and if he is not capable of that, then (he should detest) it with his heart; and that is the weakest faith”. ( Muslim )

So: What do we do in such situations? Considering that these are family members and saying anything – even politely – would create a big issue, do we stick to hating it with our hearts but keep our tongues silent? Or do we speak out and risk whatever wrath may befall on us?

Any advice would be much appreciated, and no doubt beneficial to all of us!

Your little sister in Islam,
Mouse