Positively Muslim in the West: Umm Yousuf

MuslimMatters would like to recognize Umm Yousuf as the latest “Positively Muslim in the West”

Background:

Yousuf, son of Shaykh Waleed Basyouni and Umm Yousuf, was diagnosed with leukemia in June this year. Umm Yousuf was in the bookstore, when she came across a Dr. Seuss book, carrying a photo of a bald kid who had a sad expression. She didn't want Yousuf, bald due to the chemotherapy, to see the picture. But she didn't stop there. She wrote up a Dr. Seuss type poem and dispatched it to Random House, the publishers. Her request was simple, the message powerful. Let the bald boy smile!

MM published the effort and while we were highlighting it on our pages, Random House acknowledged Umm Yousuf's request and promised to take care of it. Thus, we recognize Umm Yousuf, not only for this positive act, but also for all her efforts and hardships in taking care of little Yousuf.

Interview with Umm Yousuf:

How is life as the Shaykh's wife?

It has its advantages and disadvantages like anything.  I would have to say definitely more advantages, of course.  I love having fatwas answered at my convenience, but I also notice that I don’t strive as hard to gain knowledge as much, in Fiqh issues for example.  People think because I’m married to a shaykh I must get SO much knowledge from him but unless I attend his classes like anyone else, I don’t get many other opportunities other than watching him, listening to him or an occasional help in him preparing for classes.

It can be difficult seeing him come and go so much but when I see him at work or hear others positive feedback, gifts and prayers it reminds me of what he’s out there doing and I feel happy and reassured.

When did you find out about Yousuf's illness and can you share your reaction?

I knew he was sick for about week or so before he was diagnosed, which was June 22, 2009. Remembering that day creates so much pain in my heart and I don’t like to think about it much. Yousuf didn’t have usual ‘sick’ symptoms and since he’s been one to dramatize small minor aches and pains, I didn’t pay much attention to it in the beginning. If there was anything I could have done differently would have been to listen more and be there for him more even if he had been ‘dramatizing’ something minor.

I think his father had the best example of what an initial reaction is supposed to be, masha’Allāh. For myself, I felt as though the world was spinning until I entered some imaginary world or dream. I cried right away and felt devastated despite the fact that it didn’t feel real. Like instead of “It’s too good to be true”, It was too bad to be true. When his father heard the news he was sitting and just slapped his hands on his legs ready to leave to go do what we needed to do with a big “alhamdulilah”. As the hadith says, “The real patience appears in your initial reaction when the calamity first strikes you.”

Being much weaker than him I just looked at him and wondered if he had heard the doctor correctly.

How do you deal with moments of despair and sorrow that must crop up at times, when you find yourself questioning the decree of Allāh, “Why my child?”. What do you do at such times of despondency?

Firstly, I have it deeply imprinted in my heart that Allāh (swt) does not decree for me something I cannot bear, therefore there is wisdom in it, even if I cannot see it sometimes due to overwhelming sadness…but deep down I know I will come through, insha’Allāh. That’s also part of loving Yousuf, staying strong for him.

Secondly, I don’t ask ‘Why?’ in a negative connotation or as if I am questioning Allāh’s Qadr, rather I start searching for the POSITIVE reasons and acting upon it. For example, our eating habits were extremely poor so I immediately starting watching everything I fed myself and my kids. I searched out nutritious and whole foods as well as those foods that are known to help fight cancer.

I’ve become active in areas that I didn’t really understand or experience the importance of before. For example, I helped coordinate a toy drive for the patients at Texas Children’s Hospital; I’m also arranging a blood drive to be held at our local Clear Lake Masjid, insha’Allāh, next month.

Lastly, I cannot underestimate the support I have received from my husband. Whenever it starts to get too much for me or I need time away to rejuvenate myself he’s there to help with the kids while I get some time away. I think this is important for all moms, though, not just one’s with sick kids.

Is Youssef ever socially ostracized by other children, or ridiculed/laughed at? How do you deal with these situations?

I only remember one time when (on 'Īd) one of the kids at the masjid made fun of Yousuf’s hair…or lack thereof. I was fortunate that one of his older sisters was there to defend and stand right next to him so I didn’t have to do anything, alhamdulilah.

Another time he was playing with the neighbors (alhamdulilah, Muslim neighbors) and they were play fighting with swords and one ‘new’ kid said to Yousuf playfully, “I’m gonna kill you!” So the other boy, who knew about Yousuf, told him not to play like that because he has cancer. I thought that was really cute.

So obviously, Yousuf does notice some reactions from people and knowing that most people DO have hair so he has a hard time with it. He’s made many comments about how he doesn’t like it and sometimes wants to tear up pictures of himself when he had hair.

What is your advice for other parents in the same situation?

That is a difficult question to answer because none of us are in the same situation. Even among the many leukemia patients and their parents I share the waiting room with, each of our story is different. We obviously share a lot in common but our kids are each unique individuals and so are the parents. For me my healing came through writing which for some they said it makes the feelings of sadness that much stronger.
On the other hand, like with any test we should look at the reasons why Allāh (Swt) might be testing us. There have been numerous aspects of my life that I have disliked considerably, but deep down almost every time I knew it was good for me. It was only the times that I tried to deny that reality and fight against that I would have a difficult time in my life. However, when I surrender to the Will of Allāh and knowing he has chosen that, in which has the potential to bring out the best of me, though the test is still difficult, you still feel a sense of peace. We are only responsible for what we do and not what is done to us.

Referring to the Dr. Seuss situation,

a) How did you come up with the idea?

The idea to write a letter was just from my initial reaction when seeing the picture of the sad face drawn on a bald headed kid. The WAY of doing it (in the Dr. Seuss style) actually was not planned at all. I just sat down at my computer ready to compose a regular letter to them and jokingly typed in the first line with a rhyme. At first I was confused on what I was going to say in my letter since I wanted to sound as nice as possible. When that first line came out I smiled, pulled myself close to the keyboard and the entire letter just flowed out, subhan’Allāh.

b) What was your reaction when you saw the letter from Random house?

Okay, so call me immature but I was holding the letter jumping up and down. I was happy and very shocked at the quick response.

c) Were you surprised by the support on MM and on your blog?

Yes, I was. Despite the fact that I was very excited about the idea I am not always sure how Muslims (being from so many different backgrounds) would interpret my approach to such a small matter and why I felt it was important. I was glad to see the positive feedback on that.

d) Should we expect more poems from you?

Not just poems but books, insha’Allāh! I am aiming towards Islamic books for kids in a ….Dr. Seuss fashion?

As a convert yourself, when did you convert? I am sure you have been asked this question a thousand times, but we’ll ask anyway… why did you turn to Islam?

I don’t mind answering this question repeatedly…it serves as a good reminder to me and therefore is a sort of eeman renewal for me.

I was 19 years old when I declared my shahadah in the old Clear Lake Masjid. There were many different factors in what exactly drew me into the religion but simply put I was looking for direction not faith(because I already had that) and Islam offers both. I used to attend church twice a week and had many dreams in doing work for the sake of my Creator and my religion, one of those dreams was to travel across the world and spread belief to others. I didn’t have the means to do so so I just kept on praying for direction. I took the means by meeting with my church minister and asking him a million questions that I didn’t understand about Christianity. My father is a pastor of a church in another state but I didn’t want to ask him to think I was questioning my faith…but I was. The answers were always, “Pray and read the bible.” I would explain to him I was doing that but then what? He would just repeat the same sentence until I just tried to continue on doing that faithfully accepting what I didn’t quite understand.

It was at that time I started meeting Muslims, at my job, book stores and school. I thought my prayers were being answered but instead of traveling to meet people God had brought them to me to help guide. We would sit and have many discussions, most of which impressed me on how much Muslims knew about my religion more than I did. They were answering many of those questions that the minister could not answer and while making a lot of sense.

I was not going give up that easy. It was now my turn to go secretly research about Islam so that I had a better way to debate with them. I finally opened up a little to my dad so I would call him and ask him some questions. The one question I called and asked him that totally turned me off to Christianity and on to Islam was had the bible been changed? He said yes, of course. But the Qur’an had not.

I still did not convert yet, despite the fact that I could not find a single thing wrong with Islam and seemed to believe in everything I had learned about it. It was still difficult to take the religion seriously as the people who were talking to me did not practice what they preached. They were good hearted Muslims, who had struggles like anyone; but they still not wear hijab or refrain from mixing with the opposite gender.

It was finally when I met a Muslim woman who, masha’Allāh, was very religious in her actions, dress and manners. It was her spirituality and emphasis on the love and mercy of Allāh that finally brought me to the final decision. After asking her if I would be able to start over again pure with a clean slate and she said yes, I declared my shahadah silently to myself (as I had already memorized it knowing that’s what I wanted). A few weeks later I did it publicly.

What advice do you have for other Muslims in America in taking advantage of our rights as Americans and taking on the “system” as you sort of did with Dr. Seuss?

To definitely TAKE advantage of them! But for everyone’s advantage and not just our own and do so in a positive manner using the example of the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam.

What do you love most about living as a Muslim in the States?

Alhamdulilah, I’m just happy to be able to live as Muslim anywhere. I have only lived in the U.S. and cannot compare it to anywhere else. However, I do feel happy that my home country is one that I can practice my religion freely and connect with other Muslims, not only from here but from everywhere.

How can Muslims be a positive voice in States?

Be a good role model and follow the example of our beloved prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam  in manners and behavior. The more we learn about him sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and the history of his time the better we can know how to do that.

The more active we are in the community at large and are able to leave our “signature” behind the more doors will open, in positive ways, to interact with our neighbors in this country therefore creating better opportunities to make dawah. Muslims shouldn’t stick within our close network of people by belief but spread out and start focusing on the weaknesses of the community and aiding in making it better for everyone. Giving a good example IS dawah. Volunteering in shelters, nursery homes, hospitals, or even animal rescue services, all do the work of good deeds, setting a good example and establishing positive relationships with all our neighbors, Muslim or non-Muslim. I feel many people would understand or admit the logic behind Islam when they see and feel the spiritual side of the religion and Muslims.

Request for Help & Nominations for Future Awards

As mentioned in the post, Umm Yousuf is working on some children books. She is looking for some help with illustrations for the books. Please email us if you have the talent and can participate.

If you would like to nominate a positive Muslim in the West, please email: info@muslimmatters.org. The main premise for the award is to recognize Muslims living as positive, contributing and integrated minorities.

May Allāh reward Umm Yousuf, grant her child recovery and bless her and her family. Āmīn.

Past Muslim Positives:

• Positively Muslim in The West: Ramadan Special with Umm Uthman
• Positively Muslim in the West (July 2009): Mona Minkara