Funeral for the Mother iA tomorrow August 19, 2011 in the local Boonton Masjid. (Boonton, NJ)

I will get more details shortly iA.

Allah yaa Rahma.

Inna lilah wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.

The doors of Jannah are open this month, perhaps Allah wanted to make her one of its residents as a Shaheeda? InshAllah.

The Prophet S said that toward the end of time, killing would become widespread. I think we have indeed reached that time, where the taking a human life has become commonplace and trivialized, whether done by the husband or an Islamophobe. May Allah have mercy on this woman and grant her Firdaws and have mercy on her children, who are deprived of a mother from such a tender-age. Absolutely heartbreaking.

It truly amazes me that people can go this far to carry out such acts. The video indicated the father also believed his son was a columbia / harvard graduate. And that brother of hers. He must have known about the abuse, Now he is pleading for information.

Edited: please refrain from name-calling and inappropriate language. Thank You. -MM Staff

SubhanAllaah,

Muslims assumed that it was a hate crime while non-Muslims assumed that it must have been an arranged marriage SubhanAllah. Neither of this turned out to be the truth, shows how all of us just need to stop with these stereotypes. Please! Stop making a fool out of ourselves!

The sister was mistaken to stay in this marriage especially when she had the guts to speak up about it in her sms to her family members. First step to resolving any situation in life is to admit it which is did bravely in her textx, how I wish she had taken further steps and who knows if she had more time than she might have done it. SubhanAllah

I just noted a few comments here, and I think this article is yet again a good reminder of the need to understand abusive relationships.

1) There is NOTHING in Islam, to make it clear, in any way shape or form, for a woman to sustain abuse of any kind, whether physical or emotional. The only “hitting” permitted in our faith is a LIMITATION of what a husband CAN do to keep his marriage together AFTER his wife has committed a serious and major sin, and only AFTER he has followed all the steps previous to this in the Qur’an about handling such a major sin on her part, and that hitting is not allowed to leave a mark, cause an injury, ever touch the face, and is basically a symbolic action representative of the last resort to ask a wife to realize the implications of a major and haram decision. And again to reiterate, that is after the other steps in the Qur’an or seeking out support, separating beds, etc.

It NEVER gave a man a right to intimidate, harm, or injure his wife. As I often say on university campuses – if a man walked into the house, and saw his wife standing with another man, the Qur’an calls him to internal strength,where first he must advise her – give NASEEHAH, the solid soul nourishing Islamic reminder to bring her back to Allah, and her Deen. Remember, our goal in Islam is to inspire others to come CLOSER to Allah, not farther. Then, if this isn’t sufficient, he sleeps apart, creating a physical and emotional separation between the two of them, time to reflect, think, get help. And finally, if nothing else works, she insists on her behavior, her choices, time has passed, then a symbolic act takes place, and is not “wife beating.”

The goal of ALL actions in Islam are meant to be worship, to increase the iman of a person, to remind them of Allah, to bring back taqwa, and not to become a barrier to the Deen of Allah, the Mercy of Allah. Even if one believes in any form of physical correction for children at all, it is NOT intended to ever be done out of anger, spite, or out of control emotions. It’s not a release valve for frustration, but rather the action of a calm person, with a heart connected to Allah, with a firm belief this may bring about some good. Same goes for a husband. If a man ever thought that even in his last step, even if he did something lightly, he was doing it to lash back, as a release valve for anger, a way of causing harm – then he has indeed missed the point. The point is not to “Get back” or to “make her hurt too” but to help his wife come back to the straight path, out of love and respect for her as a slave of Allah.

Islam is not a power trip for a man, ever. Any degree he has is always a degree of accountability, responsibility, and he will be taken account for before Allah, swt. Which is why our beloved Prophet, saw, said that the best of you are the BEST to your wives.

2) A woman in an abusive relationship is often lacking the emotional, spiritual, and psychological means to step out. She knows this hurts, she knows it’s painful, but she can’t leave, even if there were no cultural pressures on her back to stay (that is a horrible and disgusting cultural practice I am well aware of based on the many emails I get from wives telling me about abusive marriages and how their parents sent them back into it.) It is important to accept that you simply cannot understand why she stays, and remove judgment, because there is something happening inside of her heart and mind that imprisons her, until she finally gets to that place where she realizes she really does not deserve or needs to handle what is happening. The problem is NOT her, she is not messed up, she is good enough, she is worthy of love and dignity, and that she is ready to find help.

That saddest part is that when she reaches out, she doesn’t get help. Family either ignores her, pressures her, shames her. Or if finances are an issue she has no where to go, no money to live on, and often children with her. She is terrified he will track her down, he has threatened to take the children away, get her locked up in jail, or kill her, and she believes him.

Even women who have left, they suffer nightly wondering if that man will ever show up at their door for revenge.

The best advice you can offer any woman in an abusive relationship is to get out, get help, and believe in her.

As I say, even IF, and I mean IF you were the WORST wife on the planet, there is still no justification for a man to mistreat you, hit you, smack you, put you down, or shame you. He can seek divorce, and even there, Allah encourages it to be done kindly and respectfully. A woman needs to know that it’s never her fault, no matter who she is, her mistakes, her shortcomings – none of it matters.

A woman has a right to be safe in her own home.

For those who are in an abusive marriage, speak to whoever you know will listen, take you seriously, and get out, before it’s too late.

As for the children, the longer they stay in that marriage, the greater chances you are simply raising a future generation of abusers or doormat daughters who will go through the same thing. Save them too, and get them out.

Allahu ‘Alim.