Sex and the Ummah
Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips)
Updated: Formatting/links fixed
Online porn addiction is a serious problem, not just for Muslims. See this article:
- Two in five Internet users visited an online adult site in August 2005
- 63.4 million unique visitors visited adult websites in December of 2005 reaching 37.2 percent of the internet audience
The previous post on “The Secret Life of Husbands“, part of MM’s “Sex & the Muslim Ummah” series, was sort of a milestone post. It elicited powerful responses, and led to some of the most beneficial discussions on MM. I am happy to see that the series has also spurred off discussions on other blogs in this area.
Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah
Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.
The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.
The value of the comments was not just limited to hearing from those who were personally experiencing these problems, including the “recovering” or the “recovered”, but more importantly, the thread likely provided a glimpse of hope and practical suggestions for the silent majority of other addicts. I know how difficult it is to go through over 100 comments to find relevant information, so I thought it would be useful to collect some of the main points and gems from the readers. This is a very large post, so it is divided into the following sections (click to jump to desired section):
- The Addicts: From the Husband’s Perspective
- The Addicts: From the Wife’s Perspective
- Advice from a “Recovering Addict”
- Islamic Advice
- NLP/Psychological Advice
- Other Advice
- Advice from Shaykh Yasir Qadhi
- A Talk with the Self by Kamal El-Mekki
- In Conclusion, A Success Story with Tips
___________________________________________
1. The Addicts: From the Husband’s Perspective (“Qwerty”):
As someone who is experiencing this fitnah, i can authoritatively tell you that most of your comments that discuss the reasons for why people like me fell into this sin are way off mark. You don’t realize the self-loathing, and hatred a brother has for himself in his day to day life when he remembers what he does when no one is watching but Allah. And if only it was as simple as you guys suggest…
Before I begin, let me say that in this story of my own descent into sin, i blame no one but myself. I will deliberately be vague in some of what i say so that no one finds out who i am. And oh yes, some of you know who i am. But you don’t really know who i am. I am a brother between 25 and 30 with my own family who i love very much and I’ve been practising for many years.
I fell into the fitnah when i was in my teens. I don’t want to go into the details, but soon after i was introduced to pornography, i was hooked on it. What fanned the flames of desire was access to the internet.When i was new to the sin, i would never have dared to buy a dirty mag from the local store out of a sense of shame and embarrassment. But the internet made everything accessible to me, and i could see what i wanted and when i wanted, all in the privacy of my own home. Another problem was that my family resisted when i suggested that i marry in my early 20s. Thus, the absence of a halal outlet for this desire is another factor that has brought me to where i am now.Have you heard the story of Barseesah? Imam Anwar al-Awlaqi mentions it in one of his CD sets. He was a famous worshiper from Bani Israeel, who was led astray step by step by Shaitaan until his last action was to leave the religion. In some ways, my own story over the past 10 years mirrors that.
My addiction began as something small, but step by step over 10 years, it has transformed into something which is at times uncontrollable.The first time i used a credit card on a porn site was after several years of being addicted to porn. It was like i’d crossed a threshold, stepped over an important line. And unfortunately, having crossed that line, i haven’t looked back and have used the card numerous times since. And that is how it is with this sin. You promise yourself for a long time that you won’t cross a certain line, but then you do, and it becomes easy to repeat that sin again. But having crossed that line only once advances you to the next level of sinfulness. So you’re first mistake is looking at a woman lustfully. Then its looking at free porn sites, then its looking at pay porn sites, and so on.My advice to those who are in the early steps of this sin is to never give into the temptation to “go to the next level.” If you admire pretty girls, thats bad, but not as bad as searching for porn on the web. Its a slippery slope that ends with you in a place where a Muslim shouldn’t be.
So why haven’t i sought help?
Dear reader, what haven’t i tried to give up this addiction? Reciting Qur’an, going to talks, activism, du’a, all of that and more. I’ve prayed those prayers in the middle of the night when i thought to myself, “man, i wish i could pray with that much khushoo’ in every salaah” and i made salaam and thought i’d never return to that sin, but then a week, or two weeks later, i was back at it.
But let this next event sum it up for you: me standing in Mecca asking Allah to help me stop committing this sin, asking Allah to kind of like flick off a switch and just bring it to a stop, because i am mentally fatigued by the daily battle inside me between my shameful desires and my Muslim conscience, and i just want it to stop but its proving too difficult right now.
Knowing that i am a practicing Muslim, knowing that there is a day in which i will have to stand in front of Allah and take the rap for these sins, and not having a single plausible excuse come to my mind which i can bring on that day is a horrible feeling. It feels sickening trying to make tawba for this sin, because while asking Allah to forgive me, i felt within myself (and from knowledge of past relapses) that I haven’t really given it up and would fall into it again. That is difficult to come to terms with. Really difficult.And also the guilt that comes from leading a double-life and betraying one’s spouse. This is not how i wanted to be.
I’ve seen my early zeal to learn and practise, and potential to be a productive member of this ummah fade over the years as i spent my time – hours and hours in front of the computer getting up to no good. Some say its due to a lack of imaan, and I agree that it is, but its more complex then that. During these years in which i have sinned I have also memorized 10 juz of the Qur’an: that didn’t come easily, nor without determination, and i would bet that is more than most people who are reading this. I don’t know if that makes me a “better” porn addict than the next porn addict. But I’m certainly with those who are unhappy and want out as opposed to those who just don’t give a damn.
As to solutions, i don’t know. I personally think that it is nigh-on impossible to give it up here in the West once you’re addicted because sex and pretty women are all around you, on the TV, in the streets, at work – everywhere.
Sisters, your husbands go to work and there are pretty women all around. Don’t let it be the case too often that he comes homes to find you wearing some lame tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt – or worse your pajamas.
What about taking another wife? I wouldn’t dismiss that as quickly as some do. What pornography offers is variety: black, white, fat, thin, tall, short, all sorts. Perhaps having a second wife might satisfy a brother’s need for variety. Perhaps not – i can’t say for sure.
What else works? Its a day to day struggle. One day its an ayah, another day its a hadith. Another day its a talk. Another day its because you met a good brother. Sometimes the boost in imaan from these things keeps you off the sin for a month, other times, only a few days.
The most helpful solution overall i found was going cold turkey with the internet: cutting it off completely. It severely restricted my access to pornography, and though the addiction didn’t cut off completely, it was definitely a practical step in the right direction.
If you can make a quiet du’a for Allah to switch off my addiction just as quickly as the light goes off when you flick the switch i would be most grateful. The one thing that keeps the struggle within me alive: Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins” [39:53]
————
More from Br. “Qwerty”: One sin leads to another, and this addiction makes you sin in other ways. First and worst of all, is the lying and deceit. I never, ever used to lie before, but after this addiction caught hold, lying became habitual as i concocted story after story to cover my tracks: why was i on the computer for so long last night? why do i need to take baths so often? And subhanallah, no one is as resourceful as one whose mind has been overcome by the need to satisfy his lusts. Sneaking away to be alone with the computer, altering the computer’s history so that no one could find which sites i had visited or which files i had downloaded. The secret email addresses i set up which no one knew i had but me. Saving files in deep directories where no one would think of finding them. Its embarrassing when i think about it.
But there is also an aspect of absurdity about this whole thing. Over the years I’d made online contacts who had similar “interests” as me. One was a practicing brother, we spoke about mutual “interests” but also Islamic things, and qadrullah we made repentance the same day as each other then told each other about it. I deleted the porn saved on my PC and he tells me he did the same. By Allah’s Grace he is still going good, whereas, i have found it more difficult.
Someone mentioned the trauma that the wife goes through knowing of her husband’s sick habit, and I’m telling you that my wife knows about mine. First time she found the pics i completely denied everything, and she believed me. Then she caught me again and eventually i confessed. She was very upset but eventually accepted my apology. May Allah bless her, she offered to help, and to be there and to listen to me… but the thing is, how does one speak to his wife about this habit? what does one say? it would be humiliating, way too humiliating to sit there face to face and talk about this. No, i think i need to speak to someone who doesn’t know me. It would be a full disaster if i confided this habit to someone I knew and it leaked to the community. One of the greatest blessings upon me in this regard is that Allah gave my wife the patience not to expose me to my family or my friends.
Yet, i’m still addicted.
As to your suggestions, let me tackle some of those that caught my eye:
Sh. Yasir: jazakallahu khair for mentioning this fatwa. Lengthening my prayers and sajdahs is something i have started to do as per your suggestion. And this type of advice is the advice that i need. One of the most frequent thoughts running through my mind is that I’m in a race to balance my scales. I’m in a race to make sure that i have enough good deeds to counter for my sins.
Though, i had a rather depressing thought the other day. I am involved in lots of Islamic activities, but if I were to die today and somehow my good deeds were enough to counterbalance my bad deeds, i would die being equal to a lazy Muslim who never memorized and never did da’wah work, yet didn’t sin in the way i did and so didnt need to do all those good deeds because he didn’t have as many bad deeds to make up for. I hope you follow what i’m saying.
All those who have suggested a return to a more spiritual state, dhikr and qiyam – i think this is good advice, and i will try to implement this.
Perhaps counseling is an option. I’ve seen programs on TV of people who undertook counseling to help them cope with their sex addiction.
___________________________________________
2. The Addicts: From the Wife’s Perspective (“Aya”):
Anonymity is a bliss indeed. Let me tell you how a wife feels when she finds out about the secret life of her husband. At first i only suspected some suspicious stuff on the computer but never realized the intensity of it until years later. My mind wouldn’t go beyond chat rooms. It made me angry especially because I had been very loyal to my husband, but I didn’t let the ‘suspicions’ take over my mind.
Sometimes I would get some disgusting popups on my computer and a friend of mine told me that it would only happen if someone actually downloads them. I didn’t believe her. I was so naive. I couldn’t even picture my husband watching any such thing. I had so much respect for him. I had married him for the sake of the deen. His friends had testified for his character. Then how could I even doubt him for a second.Then a day came in my life, I wish hadn’t come. I saw what I shouldn’t have seen. It made me sick. I felt like puking. I cried and wished I was dreaming but the reality was right there in front of my eyes. But my husband promised that he would stop. He would become more ‘spiritual’ and would take any and every precaution that I would ask him to… It lasted for sometime but now I know it has started again…Day by day I fight this battle within me, on one side my love for him tells me to help him and work something out, on the other side my anger overtakes me and I think of leaving…but how? What would I tell the Imam why I seek to leave my husband? A wife is a ‘covering’ (libaas) of her husband, she hides her husband’s weaknesses and I did this for years, so how can I embarrass him now?
I want to help my husband, I want to see him successful not only here but in hereafter too. But how? I can’t keep nagging about the same subject every day. He already tells me not to act like his ‘mother’. That feeling of sorrow and guilt is not there in him anymore or at least I don’t see it. Sometimes, it takes more then reminders of Allah’s fear for a person to leave certain sins. Sometimes a death of a loved one, some diseases, some catastrophe…so I think that perhaps if I leave it will shake him deeply and he will repent.
Sometimes, by Allah, I want to get into a car accident just to ‘wake’ him up (and if i could guarantee that it would not lead to my death causing me to commit suicide, I would have done it). When he is around us/family, I am fine. I don’t let my mind wander around but when he is working on the computer, I could only doubt and suspect him. I had read that pure people are for pure people. But my mind fails to understand…I had never even looked at another man with an evil thought. I molded myself to his demands. Although, I grew up in a very ‘modest’ way, I went out of my way to get over my ‘shyness’. I did everything to please him from dressing in a certain way at home, to making our intimate life more exciting…Those of you who blame it on a wife’s lack of interest in intimacy are completely wrong. My husband will testify to this. We are a happily married couple (other then this issue) including our intimate life…sometimes I wish I hadn’t done any of this, so at least I could ‘justify’ my husband’s action!
I feel bad for my children. My sons idealize their father like anything but there comes days when I fail to see my children becoming good Muslims because I know a ‘father’s sins affect his children.’
Yet there are days when I want to give up on my own struggles of becoming a good Muslimah because I must not be ‘pure’ enough to be married to my husband. In my anger, I went a couple times on some ‘chat’ rooms just to chat dirty with someone…but I couldn’t do it…I swear by Allah I couldn’t even enter the chatroom, I felt disgusted inside me…but I fear that a day might come when I wouldn’t feel disgusted anymore…I know these are evil whisper of shaytaan, but what can I do. I came to know of a sin of his that is killing me inside. Perhaps if I see him increasing his good deeds in other ways to make up for this sin, I would stop feeling this way, but I don’t see that happening and I don’t know how to convince him into this. I have tried every way from talking to him, to requesting, to fighting to begging to crying to pleading but after all I am a wife and a wife can be everything but a ‘teacher’!
Brother Yasir Qadhi here said that it is not a major sin, my question to him is: Whenever Allah mentioned in Quraan about avoiding major sins and He will forgive the minor, He always says, ‘avoid major sins and FAWAHISH’…isn’t this act an act of Fahash? If it is, then how could it be something minor? Yes it is not the actual act of zina but if it is fahash and Allah explicitly asks to leave major sins and fawahish??And wouldn’t it fall into the category as ‘consistent minor sin in itself is a major sin’??
Anonymity is a bliss. May Allaah bless all of you for providing this opportunity for people in my situation to speak. Those of you who read this and think that it is only a ‘personal’ problem, know that it is NOT because this sin effects the people around you. I’ve heard brothers bragging about sisters’ hijaab because it is a ‘communal’ sin, and I tell you that this too is a sin that can ruin the lives of those living under your guardianship.
So change and do something about it, PLEASE do something about it…for Allah’s sake first and then for your beloved wife’s sake and for your beloved children’s sake.
___________________________________________
3. Advice from a “Recovering Addict”:
I have some practical advise, because I myself am a recovering person:
1) It is not shaytan — it is the nafs. Recognize this. I have done so many dua’s and ayahs of qu’ran that would repel even the most obstinate shaytan and would still feel an intense desire. I realized it is the nafs. Once you realize this you are one step closer to personal responsibility. Try it, read ayat Al-Kursi and see if it helps. If it does not then you know it is your inner evil and not shaytan.
2) Realize that addiction is chemical as well. You will notice as you get that desire that your rate rate goes up, your body is calmer (endorphins released in your body), your heat is up. If you realize this then you’ve gotten another step closer. Why? because after a few days of going cold-turkey you’ve flushed out the chemicals/hormones that have been affecting you as well as the constant need for the high that you get. Think of it as a heroin addict, but in the case of a sex high that makes you that good feeling.
3) Give mad charity. I mean a lot of charity. Tie it to your sins if you do it. This is how I did it $100, $200, $500, $1000, $2000, $2000, then I had enough. I was going bankrupt man, but I felt that every time I kept sinning and not stopping I was making a bigger sin which needed a greater amount of sadaqa to expiate. I felt as if I was ransoming my soul to get rid of sin. Alhamdulliah, anytime I didn’t pay I would get problems at work, get parking tickets (worth $100 0- $200 anyway and just goes to waste to the city rather than count as a good deed) and all sort of worldly problems. If I paid the money right away I would not run into these problems and would not lose money on tickets and stuff. GIVE SADAQA, it shows real sacrifice.
4) “A strong desire is a justifiable need”. I read this on a billboard once, for a lexus. Your deed is 100% Haram, you HAVE to come to grips with this. It is so easy to justify it. You cannot do this if you are too quit.Think of eating pork. You never went near it because you know so clearly that it is haram. It goes the same for porn. You have to not kid yourself, to realize that there is no justification except your own desires.
THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION EXCEPT YOUR SELF. YOU DO IT TO PLEASE YOURSELF, THAT IS IT.
5) You have an addiction for life. You have to completely quit cold-turkey, and never never start again. Once you start, even just once, you will continue. I took this reality from a person I saw who was a big time smoker and quit. When offered, even though it was so tempting, he did not even take one smoke. He knows once he takes that one smoke he’s done for it.
In this case, if you can stop for a good month or so insha Allah you have to avoid all things that would lead to you thinking about porn. (cover your eyes if you are faint of heart)
Don’t reach for your penis, even once. stay away from it and know that once you feel the sensation of arousal you will not be able to control your desire.If you find yourself looking at women on the street, literally look right to the floor and walk. Get headphones, listen to qu’ran while looking down to keep your mind busy.
6) You have to make your intention to completely quit; NEVER start again. If you intend for a week or a month you will not make it. Only when you completely say (and literally have a out-loud conversation with your nafs) that you are stopping forever because:
- You don’t want to keep going like this when you are older
- You don’t want to lose your marriage
- You are afraid of losing out on rewards from Allah.…whatever makes you afraid the most.
Once you intend to completely stop, just like not eating pork, then you will have a much easier time insha Allah. You will even get used to staying away.
7) Zuhd (asceticism): Try to distance yourself from the things of the world in general. It will help you to become less attached to things. being used to disattaching will also help you disattach from porn.
8.) Get busy with dunya! what, I thought you just said be ascetic? Yes, but Idle hands are the devil’s playground.Take on medium to long-term projects, they will help you get focused. You will start thinking about it a lot, your project that is. Do some construction on the house, work on completely reorganizing. BUT make sure you have a plan, you write it down, and that you structure it. Meaning: complete this, then that, then this, in order to complete the entire project.Keeping busy is the best thing for a recovering addict because once you are bored and alone, forget it.
9) Travel, take time off, for a year if possible.For some reason I never had a problem with the addiction while traveling or being away from home. Go study arabic in a Muslim country for a year. Sure there is bad stuff there, but not as much, and not as accessible, trust me.Travel especially if you are having a hard time even stopping. Take yourself away from the environment long enough for you to get away from your habit. But if you don;t make your absolute intention to quit forever BEFORE you go, forget it.
10) Again, keep giving sadaqa. I tell you.
___________________________________________
4. Islamic Advice:
One really good coping strategy to enslave the nafs is to spend the entire night in prayer. Although the sunnah is to sleep and then get up for salaah, but for the weak nafs–stay up all night works. Not settling for any less, but the whole night.
———–
Brothers who are doing this need to make taubah and replace this ‘enjoyment’ with halal stuff.
Sometimes we look for answers far away but the Qur’an is only on the shelf next to you:“The inhabitants of the city came rejoicing (at the news of the young men’s arrival). Lut said: “Verily! These are my guests, so shame me not. And fear Allah and disgrace me not.” They (people of the city) said: “Did we not forbid you to entertain (or protect) any of the Alamin (people, foreigners strangers etc) from us?” Lut said: “These (the girls of the nation) are my daughters to marry lawfully) if you must act so.” (Surah 15:51-77)
So the people of Lut wanted to satisfy their desires in an unlawful matter. Allah gave them an alternative halal way. Women.The brothers who are watching porn have to leave that. Make taubah. Go to your wives, talk to them. Build up relationship. Spend more time with them. Fulfil their rights and needs and yours will be fulfilled.
Also there is a distinct lack of spirituality (WOW and this is coming from a zahiri Salafi) which leads to sin. Whilst I abhor Sufism (ittihad, hulool, whirling, whadatulwujood) I must witness that we need a great amount of tazkiyyah and must take the path of sulook that out forefathers were upon. If your salah is not taking you away from this sin then there’s something massively wrong there.
————-
Out of Meaninglessness Comes Pornography.
Let’s take these troubled brothers and attach them to Islamic efforts, either online or elsewhere. There are many Islamic websites that are run by volunteers (this is one, I believe) where they perform a number of tasks–from designing webspace to posting Dawah on forums. We can take these brothers and hook them up with people like Yusuf Estes and get them Islamically active. If they have issues with the computer (i.e. unable to resist the urge while on the computer) then we could get them hooked with other Islamic efforts going on (soup kitchens, street dawah, Tableeghi Jamaat etc). This will have to be regular and intense at times because if you get them to be idle–they will resort to porn. If you can’t hook up with some bigtime shaykh than perhaps build a support group or another group of like-minded brothers to get dawah going on.
Muhammad AlShareef mentions in his CD lecture, “When Wolves becomes Shepherds” that when some action is committed–a new pathway is made in the brain. Based on that theory, if we can strengthen an Islamic pathway (i.e. Dawah)–it will weaken or make on forget the pornographic pathway.
————–
O you people who believe (us!!!), repent to Allah with a sincere/true repentance (tawbatan nasooha).
What is a sincere repentance?
- Ikhlaas – gotta have sincerity. Repenting to Allah for the sake of Allah, not because we are caught in the act.
- Admit the sin – don’t ignore, trivialize or at worst, justify the sin. Admitting there is a problem is the first step to solving it.
- Feeling guilty – “Feeling guilty IS tawbah” AlMustafa, salAllaho alaihi wa sallam.
- Immediate tawbah – just like Adam (AS). This is very hard because many-a-times, after committing the sin, we feel so guilty and disgusted with ourselves that we feel ashamed to do tawbah = exactly what shaitaan wants – to delay us and our tawbah. Therefore, the solution is to do tawbah immediately.
- Increase in the good deeds – hasanat wipes away sins.
- Intend to stop the sin – make a true, sincere intention and strong resolve to never return to the sin.
If you do slip back, start over from step 1 until this step is actualized. Doesn’t matter how many times the slip happens…1000, 10000, a million, a billion times. Just keep going back to step 1 if you do fall in the sin.
If this seems like an infinite loop, then its a plot of shaitaan to make you think this way. Only Allah’s Mercy is infinite :) Subhan Allah, this is the BIGGEST step for me right now. Every time I think of committing a dreaded sin that has haunted me for years, I ask myself: “So what happened to your tawbatan nasooha? Didn’t you promise Allah that you’re not going to go back to the sin?” And then, walhamdulillah, I desist. - Not publicize – What this means is not to boast about your sin, and to not even mention it in public out of a desire for Allah’s sitar. Because all of RasoolAllah’s (SAWS) ummah will be forgiven except those who publicize their sins.
Unless, of course, you have repented and talking about the sin brings about the benefit of bringing others away from it. - Restore rights of others, if applicable.
——————
For every time you sin, pray at least 2 rakaah nawafil, immediately after sinning. Even if you don’t feel guilty, make it a habit. Now you have support and that sinning will, oddly enough, push you closer to Allah SWT. I guess that’s why we sin–so Allah can bring us closer to Him.
When you are sinning, turn away from the screen, be still and know that you could die at that moment and that yes, hellfire is where you would be if that happens. This thought never gets old. Bring it back to mind as often as you can. People try and mentally overcome this thought before they commit a sin, just to make themselves feel OK and then they do the sin. And then they think later “Oh that thought didn’t work on me,” when really they didn’t want it to work on them, in the first place. So keep bringing it back to mind, even while sinning and Insha Allah it will steer you away.
——————
A person giving up hope is disastrous to say the least but not uncommon. I’ve seen on occasion, other brothers breakdown in front of me into wailing and tears saying that Allah would never forgive them.
There is one issue that I have noticed with brothers who have this problem. They are split in two, inside and it hurts them. Being more religious than the average person yet a great sinner in the mirror.
There is an internal struggle going on. A Jihad of the nafs.
On one hand the nafs censures itself. “Oh you sinner, return to Allah”. On the other hand there is a trap of iblees.
Iblees knows that the soul wishes to repent. So he lays a trap at every door of repentance: “Allah will never forgive you. This is a sin you keep repeating. Leave off dawah, you are too dirty for ibadah.”
It is a trap of iblees designed to destroy the nafs that is in a state of muhasabah (self assessment?).
So to begin with as both of you have mentioned that you do hate what you are doing and that you have tried to stop using various means. So understand that when you do this then the soul is in a state of Jihad. And at times this internal struggle can be greater than that fought with a sword.
The nature of the sin is addiction, therefore continuity. And as Ustadh Yasir has explained that a minor sin done continuously can become major. So the habit must be broken.
Let’s say you stopped for a while and then you started again. Don’t let that make you give up trying. In fact stopping for a while shows that you can stop totally, eventually.
———————-
Also, dhikr is life. Dhikr is not just words that we say with our tongue and say 100 times in one minute. Dhikr is what quenches the thirst of our hearts, and without it, we will eventually die. I admit that one point in time I used to go around telling people to do dhikr, but I didn’t know what it actually meant. I can just say that dhikr is so much more than what we think. Dhikr is what makes live worth living. It’s our connection with Allah. Without it, we have nothing. We simply get lost in a world of delusions and continue falling and falling, until we can’t get up.
Dhikr is the solution to our problems, along with admitting the lowliness of ourselves. It’s a struggle, but if we have to pretend, we pretend. It must become a habit. At the same time we need to fill our time, because idle time is a big fitnah. We need to watch the sins of our tongue every day, and try our best to become aware of every evil we utter so that we can stop uttering it.
We all need to sit down in a secluded area, ask Allah for forgiveness and think of our sins as we utter it, every time. We need to break ourselves, and it may take time, but it must be done. We need guides, so let us find them! Ask Allah and He will help you. But do whatever it may take to rid yourself of these evils, even if at first it may seem like you are struggling against forces which seem impossible to defeat. DO NOT LOSE HOPE. Once you lose hope, you are going to drown.
————————-
Four ahadith, that I (personally) count as my HOPE in front Allah ‘azza wa jal
a) the hadith of Anas ibn Malik radyAllahu ‘anh that the Prophet salAllahu ‘alaihee wa sallam said
“By Him in Whose Hand is my soul: If you committed sins to the extent that your sins filled what is between the heavens and the earth, Allah would forgive you after seeking His forgiveness. By Him in Whose hand is Muhammad’s soul, if you did not commit sins, Allah would replace you by other people who would commit sins. Then, Allah forgives them after seeking His forgiveness.” (Musnad of Imaam Ahmed)
b) The LONG hadith of Abu Dharr al-Ghifari radyAllahu ‘anh from the Prophet salAllahu ‘alaihee aw sallam that Allah said:
O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you, O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefiting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him finds good praise Allah and let him who finds other that blame no one but himself. (Muslim, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).
c) The hadith of ibn ‘Abbas radyAllahu ‘anh
the explanation of which was done shaykhuna Yasir hafidhahullah on this very blog: you can find it here: http://muslimmatters.org/2007/04/03/pearls-from-the-sunnah-1/ and
d) The hadith of the Prophet salAllahu ‘alaihee wa sallam, that the son of Adam will sin, repent, sin, and repent, sin, and repent.. so much so that shaytaan gives up on him! aw kamaa qaala salAllahu ‘alaihee wa sallam.
and the aya in (NOT so ironically) Surat GHAFIR
Inna la nasru rusulana WAL LADHEENA aamanoo FIL HAYYAATID DUNYA WA yawma yaqumul Ash-Haad
Verily Allah will give VICTORY to his messengers AND those who believe IN THIS LIFE AND on the day when the witnesses will be brought forth.
– The victory is IN this life…and on the day of judgement for ALL to see that YES WE (I) was victorious. They WITNESS to that. How sweet of a day that is – may Allah make us of those who are victorious.
————————–
* listen to this lecture, “Ahmed the Repenter”
http://www.iisna.com/downloads/
(it’s the third lecture on the list) — please make sure you listen to it if you haven’t already.
*if you MUST sit on the computer by yourself, perhaps keep the light on and keep a copy of Quran on your lap or in your eyesight.
* concentrate on this and say this to yourself perhaps 100 times: “Allah is watching me right now”
* watch this video with focussed visualization:
* say the istia’adah
* think about how you’ll feel after you do the evil deed…visualization is the key here!
* collect all the URLs that you regularly visit, and block them. I believe in firefox and IE, you can add these “blocked sites” and set a password. Set a random password that you type without looking so that you don’t know how to unlock it. (haven’t checked this)
* visualize the state of the people you are watching (or lusting I should say) will be on the day of Judgement [if they continue on that path]. Imagine how ugly they will look, how fat their skin would be, how big their molar teeth would be (size of Uhud!)..subhanAllah, just think about their torture and the fact that you’re making them your “friends” in this life, that should scare you away from them. You definitely do not want to be raised with them on Yawmul qiyamah!
* also br qwerty, one thing I don’t get…if your wife already knows about your issue, can’t you just install that logger br amad gave a link to and tell her, I’m doing this so that YOU KNOW (to your wife) of what I’m doing and that inshaAllah you can trust me. You don’t have to tell her that you’re still in the habit? No?
___________________________________________
Here in the west this is affected by what people regard as normal. As the media numbs our morality level, the norms of acceptability change.
Take a look at Henry Makow’s website. Have a look for his article that explains why watching porn can lead to homosexuality. He always writes about this stuff: http://www.savethemales.ca/000165.html
This is a problem common to all men now not just Muslim men. The Christians have clinics to counsel people off porn. It is an Information Age problem or should I say epidemic. I’m not a Psychiatrist but I do study Psychology and it can help to use some methods to stop brothers doing this.
One NLP technique would be to anchor porn with homosexuality. This can either be done in counseling or it can be addressed in any lectures done on Islamic sexual etiquette. We need to resolve this problem on a wider scale.
To understand the scale of the problem just google ‘porn addiction’: http://www.manontheroad.org/pornography_addiction.htm
————————-
Now I’m going to show you a method to break the habit for ever insha Allah:
First understand the problem (this is all common knowledge is psychology, it’s not voodoo!): When you do something that gives you a reward it releases chemicals in your brain.
So when you eat, exercise or have sex, then certain chemicals are released inside the brain. This is the reward process of the brain to keep you eating, healthy and procreating etc.
One chemical is dopamine. This reinforces the pleasure each time. In other types of addiction more drugs (higher doses) are required each time to achieve a similar level of pleasure/feeling. This is what is referred to as tolerance.Now when you watch porn I bet that over time you had to start watching different types of porn to get the same ‘feeling’. You build up a numbness or tolerance as we call it. This is what led you to use your credit cards.
Some pharma companies are developing a drug to stop this process (for heroin addicts), but we all know where that leads to. Continuous treatments so that they can make money.
What you need to do is to replace the pleasure with a greater pleasure. As Imam Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah once wrote about the gaze: “The pleasure received in not looking is greater than the pleasure received in looking.”
Brother Dawud mentioned in his post that:“Muhammad AlShareef mentions in his CD lecture, “When Wolves becomes Shepherds” that when some action is committed–a new pathway is made in the brain. Based on that theory, if we can strengthen an Islamic pathway (i.e. Dawah)–it will weaken or make on forget the pornographic pathway.”
Unfortunately your other ‘porn pathway’ is probably well developed and traversed by now.In actual fact you need to change the pathway itself. In fact the best thing would be to go to Muhammad AlShareef as he is an NLP practitioner and should be able to help you immediately. Or to remain anonymous you could go to a non-Muslim one. But you need to find a reputable one near you.
I’ll provide a method here that is used by NLP people. Try and use it yourself. It is very possible to make this work, I’ve tried it with phobias and other stuff. Make sure you have confidence in the method and try it out properly. If it doesn’t work then go to an NLP practitioner.
What you need to do is use a method called anchoring, where you tie certain emotions and feelings with certain actions or triggers. This is not some voodoo. It is a psychological method used by business people all around the world for many different purposes.
First read around it so that you get an idea of what you’re about to do:
Once you have an idea about the concept then try the method on the following link, it is specifically porn orientated: Click for link
(Also ignore their comments at the start about occasional porn watching being o.k., that’s because they don’t know it’s haram!)
This method has been tested on people and does work very well. Make sure you read it a few times and understand it well before you start.
___________________________________________
Open communication between husband and wife from day one (or should I say first night together) is needed. Unfortunately many women feel uncomfortable talking to their husband about their needs (sexual and otherwise) because sex in many cultures has always been a very hush hush subject to discuss so when it comes time for marriage, the woman, more often than the man it seems, are a bit lost because all of a sudden this is right in the open, something it never was before. If she is unsure or hesitant to his desires, that doesn’t give the husband the right to turn to porn. He ALSO needs to make an effort to be open and communicate his needs to his wife, otherwise both parties involved are straining their own relationship. This goes back to your last post about education and how it is so much needed, especially to young married couples.
One must remember that women are shy by nature so it is natural that they refrain from talking about this subject even with their husbands especially in the early period of marriage. Sometimes they have certain needs/sexual desires and they feel shy to inform their husbands about it. And perhaps that is why they become disinterested in the sexual life causing dissatisfaction to the husbands.That’s why I believe that husbands should take the initiative and talk/ask their wives about this.
————–
As I read this, a light bulb popped… you may know that there is an activity logger software. We have installed this for our little kids. See this.
One thing a person in a similar position as yours may want to do, to “force” the issue on himself (kind of like what you mentioned) i.e. install this software… with cooperation from the wife, and have her set the password. This way, everything is logged and if the person is hiding this from the wife and doesn’t want to mess up that relationship, then it will provide a big deterrent if the wife can track the internet activity. This program actually works quite well and tracks everything, incl. taking snapshots (I recommend this for parents as well— its free to try).
Another thing someone mentioned is to have the computer in a “open area”. Like my uncle has all the computers set up in the living room, in clear view of anyone passing. Still, if the wife’s gone, the Shaytan will play… so the logging software may watch.
—————
Here’s my advice, get rid of the internet. If you need to check your e-mail or something go to a public library. Sure it will be tough, but not nearly as tough as the anger of Allah on the Day Of Judgment.
___________________________________________
7. Advice from Shaykh Yasir Qadhi:
To the husband, Qwerty:
1) Regarding Qwerty’s situation, it reminded me of a fatwa I read from a great modern alim – someone whom I know personally very well and greatly admire. He was asked about a similar situation (person addicted to porn and masturbation). His response – I only wish I could find the original Arabic – almost moved me to tears. He started off with the basic advice of informing him that this was a sin and he should desist from it, and continually repent to Allah. So far it was standard. But then he continued on. He said that this sin, despite its evil nature, is not a major sin in and of itself (for example like actual zina), and as long as one repented and felt guilty it would not come under the rule ‘a habitual minor sin becomes a major sin’. Then he said – and this was the most beautiful point –
‘And make sure that Shaytan does not use this sin to prevent you from being of benefit to the Ummah in other ways, for this would be a greater victory for Shaytan than the actual sin you are committing’.
Meaning that the sin is a problem, but then sitting down in your house, despairing, and becoming totally useless to the Ummah is an even greater problem! So feel guilty for your sin, but use that guilt to make sure you generate more good deeds in order to make it up. Which leads me to my second point.
2) Qwerty, and those in your boat, make sure you have more than the ‘average’ good deeds to show. Pray some extra nafls regularly, read Quran (and memorize, as you were doing), do dhikr… when in sajdah prolong it for that short extra time, realizing you need those blessings. During wudhu, perfect it and realize that for every drop of water that falls down a sin is removed. Saying isighfar, and especially the ‘sayyid al-istighfar’ regularly, meaning what you say.
And indeed it is possible, if you do all this and more, that you will rise higher *because* of your sin, since it led you to higher heights. Again this is not a justification of the sin, but rather a ray of hope for the sinner that not all is lost. No human is sinless, and what you are doing is a (minor) sin, hence use it to be a better Muslim, and make du’aa to al-Rahman that He forgives you, and to al-Sitteer that He covers up and conceals it from others.
3) MW, your last comment – I swear by Allah – made my heart tremble and hair stand on end. Do you realize what you have just said? By Allah this one statement of yours is worse than any sin you could have done, so repent for it. Do you think that you, and you alone, can be so sinful that Allah’s mercy cannot encompass you? That you have so much ‘power’ to commit sins that the infinite mercy of Allah is powerless when faced with it?!
Understand the implications of what you say and repent for this one statement, before you repent from the lesser sins that you say you have done. For indeed a hadeeth tells us that ‘The greatest of all major sins is shirk with Allah, and despairing of the mercy of Allah, and losing hope of the help of Allah.’ See how the Rasool (saw) equated giving up hope in Allah and His Mercy with shirk.Indeed, Allah forgives all sins….for He is al-Ghafoor, al-Ghafaar, al-Raheem, al-Rahman, al-Tawwaab, al-Haleem, and al-Afuw. He is forgiving and loves to forgive.O Allah, forgive us all for our shortcomings, and conceal our faults from others, and cover us up with your mercy, Ameen!
———————-
To the wife, Aya:
Salaam alaikum Sr. Aya. My heart really bled for you – your pain and suffering is understandable, may Allah make it easy for you.
ut one point of advice: never ever wish for any misfortune on yourself or your husband. I can understand the frustration, but don’t be like those whom Allah says in the Quran ”And man asks for evil [upon himself] as he asks for good, and indeed Allah is quick [in responding]” Of the interpretations of this verse is that a person makes du’aa AGAINST himself, as you yourself are about to do, so be careful in this regard, and do not despair of Allah’s mercy.
Also I would not advise you to leave your husband permanently. Perhaps your presence is minimizing these sins, and if you were to leave he would become worse, so consider yourself as protecting him in some ways. And do not ever thing you are part of the problem (as for those who commented that a man’s addiction might be his wife’s fault – really that is so chauvinistic and ignorant it is unbelievable).
Lastly, about your question: we need to define a kabeerah (major sin) versus a sagheerah (minor sin). A major sin, according to the strongest opinion, is a sin that entails Allah’s curse, or threat of punishment of Hell. So actual fornication is a major sin, but the steps leading to it (e.g., talking to a woman, looking at her, etc.) does not constitute a major sin. No doubt some ‘minor’ sins are more major than others, but they are still in the realm of minor sins. Hence, even if a sin is ‘disgusting’ it does not necessarily follow that it is a kabeerah.
Not to trivialize minor sins here, but we need to remain clear about these matters.(Shameless plug: this matter will be discussed in much greater detail in a future AlMaghrib class insha Allah!!!)
Now, a minor sin is transformed into a major one when a person habitually does it without any remorse or regret. What makes it a major sin is the lack of guilt and lack of repentance – if a person continue to repent and then fall into a minor sin, it remains a minor sin. Hence, if a person *tries* to give up a sin and continues to slip into it, then that does NOT constitute a major sin. Only if a person loses all modesty and habitually commits such sins without any guilt or attempt to change will such minor sins be considered a major sin.
Hope that clarifies this issue insha Allah…
And I sincerely pray that Allah makes your situation easy for you, and guides you and your husband to that which pleases Him!
___________________________________________
8. A Talk with the Self By Kamal El mekki:
Oh my self what will calm you?
Can’t you remain patient for a day or two?
I try to contain you but your strength overpowers
But when we die life will seem like hours
So can’t you be patient for part of a day?
And remain steadfast upon the straight way?
The direction you’re taking leads to my worst fears
Of the day we stand for fifty thousand years
No one will joke nor talk nor smile
And the sun from our heads will be at a mile
Nowhere to hide and nowhere to flee
Standing for what seems an eternity
Then the judgment begins and the books will land
Either on your right or your left handOh my self …
Do not become like those who left the right track
And put their left hands behind their back
Oh self how do you plan to cross the sirat suspended in the air?
Craftier than a fox, sharper than a sword and thinner than a hair?
How do you plan to cross? Or will you cross at all?
The blink of an eye? Run? Or would you rather crawl?
The bad deeds you command will drop you from it
And only good deeds put you back upon it
Oh self it’s a five hundred year-drop suspension
Over a terrible place I’d rather not mentionOh self…
Do not be fooled by this world and its illusions
And keep in mind judgment, the grave and other conclusions
Oh self wake up! Don’t follow your desire
And ask for forgiveness to avoid the fire
Oh self keep the commands and avoid prohibitions
And pay close attention to these admonitions
Be amongst those who were the best of planners
Who prepared for the future with good deeds and good mannersOh self it simply about your control
Being patient now so as to reach your goal
I don’t mean to put a burden, or put much stress
Just to warn of a day when the limbs confess
Sins add up as you live through the years
Then sadness won’t save you and nor will the tears
Every time you sin the Shaytan is winning
So remember the One against Whom you’re sinningOh my self…
Life is short and ends when you least expect it
And then what will you say when you’re resurrected?
The angel of death overlooked you and took the souls of your brothers
And one day he’ll come to you and overlook others
For great rewards plant the righteous seeds
Oh Allah, I seek refuge from the evil of my self and from the evil of my deeds.
___________________________________________
9. Success Story & Advice (From Br. Ahmed):
I a 25 year old male, a recovering addict to porn and masturbation.
It all started at about the age of 10/11, when I accidentally discovered masturbation. Back then I did not understand what I was doing and did not realise that this was haram (But I have to say, I would always do it in secret, even though I was young I had an inkling that this was wrong). Anyway I continued in this fashion for a year or two, and then I discovered porn. At first I was too embarrassed to simply walk into a shop and buy a magazine, so I would literally look in people’s garbage, in the hope of finding pornographic material. I remember staying awake late at night and turning on the TV once my parents slept, in order to watch late night TV which often showed soft-core porn. (I remember in shame the lengths I would go to conceal my secret, e.g. closing the door, but not completely so that I can hear approaching footsteps and hiding a pornographic video underneath a loose floorboard that was nearly discovered by my father).
It got so bad, and I felt so guilty, that one day, I was about 13 years old then, I took a brave step and confessed to my father, who was extremely supportive and gave me practical tips to my problem. It worked for a few months and my father thought he was successful, but unfortunately I relapsed and went back to my old ways.
I continued like this for a few years until about the age of 15/16 (throughout this time I always felt guilty and ashamed but continued any way), that was when the internet became mainstream. To me this was the start of a new level in watching porn, as it made it so easy, (no need for embarrassing walks in to an adult shop, and off course the ease of access and variety of porno content on the web). I started off by simply watching nude pics and downloading free video-clips (you see the porn barons are very much like drug dealers, you get your first joint for free, then you’re hooked and forced to go back to the dealer, but this time you have to pay to get the harder content). However, after about 2 yrs the free stuff simply was not enough, I needed more to quench my ever-increasing lustfulness. This was when I crossed another fence, using my credit card (a bit like a previous post).
This continued until about the age of 20. This was when it really got out of control as I started to contemplate visiting prostitutes; you see watching porn alone was not enough. Again, its like drugs, you start with cannabis and end up with crack/heroin. Again the internet made it very easy to do this, as prostitutes advertise themselves on the web on certain specialist websites. At first, like the previous post I would only call these women, it kind of gave me a kick. I would justify it to my self by saying that ‘its not haram to talk, as long as I don’t actually act on my feelings’, but yes… you guessed it, I moved on to the next level and committed Zina. After the first experience which left me feeling quite guilty, I decided to repent to Allah and stop watching porn, but once you have been addicted to something for so long it’s very easy to relapse. In fact, I started to visit prostitutes on a regular basis, justifying it to myself by saying ‘ as long as I do not engage in penetrative sex then my sin is not so great’.
After a year or two, I decided that the only way to solve my problem is to get married. Unfortunately, marriage only helped for a few months, and then I relapsed once more.
However, things changed exactly 1 year ago. As I’m sure you have realised, this beast of an addiction has been the storey of my life, it has absolutely consumed me in every way, I have tried so many times to slay the beast, but every time I fail. Yet, something happened to me exactly one year ago that allows me to stand before this forum today, and announce that I have finally slayed this beast. In fact, today is my 1 year anniversary of victory. Like all other addicts whenever I repented I knew at the back of my mind that this will not last. 1 year ago, when I repented I came to the realisation that I cannot have this thought at the back of my mind, as it made my repentance worthless. I then sat down and brainstormed all the Ill consequences of porn; I came up with the following,
1) The most important one off course is going to HELL
2) Constantly feeling guilty and worthless
3) Constantly feeling ashamed of my self, this led to poor self-esteem and lack of confidence.
4) Wasting my precious time. Time that can be spent learning new things or simply enjoying the company of friends
5) Having to constantly lie to cover my tracks, and then to lie again to cover my previous lies, and so on
6) Sexual contact with my wife became a chore rather than something to look forward to, as I simply was no longer excited by my wife (and bless her little heart, she tries so hard to seduce me)
7) The feeling of utter emptiness after masturbating, compared to the feeling of joy when hugging my wife in bed
The amount of money wasted: I can honestly say that in the space of about 10 years, I blew approximately fifteen thousand pounds (£15000) on porn and prostitutes. This money could have gone to the poor, it could have gone towards my mortgage, it would have paid for about 10 holidays, or at least 4/5 visits to the holy city of Mecca.
9) The inability to do anything that would please Allah (such as read quran, or help the Muslim UMMA), as I always felt ‘what’s the point of doing a good deed, as I have committed so many disgusting sins’
10) The utter humiliation I would feel had my wife found out, not to mention the enormous amount of pain I would cause her had she found out I was watching porn and even cheated on her’.
So, how did I stop? It’s a combination of everything really.
1) Constantly reminding myself of the 10 disadvantages outlined above (I have them stored on my organiser, and read them every day)
2) Reading quran and dua everyday, and paying charity.
3) Never staying home alone if possible
4) Praying on time
5) Going to my wife when ever I felt the desire (off course it helps that I have a wife who is very enthusiastic when it comes to sexual matters)
6) Encouraging my wife to always dress provocatively when we are at home.
7) Remember how guilty, depressed and ashamed you wil feel, after commiting the sin of watching porn or masturbating.
8) A lot of you will probably agree with me that you watch porn when you are bored and have free time on your hand. There is a verse in the Quran about free time and how it should be used. I also recently heard a lecture in which the Imam said that all evil comes from spare time, as this is when a human is at his most vulnerable, you have nothing to do, nothing to pre-occupy your mind, so in order to fill this void, you commit a sin such as watching porn. The message here is always occupy your mind with something useful ( read a book, visit a friend, play football/sports, start a project, watch a comedy, anything really, as long as it is not haram ) never remain idle when you have time on your hands as boredom can be your downfall, and lead you to the wrong path.
Apart from these 8 points, I have a few more tips that have worked for me.
1) 1 year ago, I made a Nidhr to Allah, so that if I was to relapse I would have to fast 120 days continuously.
2) every day, I go in front of the mirror and I psyche myself up, screaming ‘NEVER’, ‘NEVER’, ‘NEVER’, over and over again, ( ‘NEVER’, as in I will ‘never’ go back to my old ways again)
3) I have a secret book that I purchased specifically for this purpose. I have marked all the dates of the year on it for the next couple of years. Next to every day I either have a tick which would represent a successful day, in other words a day I did not watch porn in, or I would have a cross, which would represent failure. Alhamdu-lilllah I now have 365 ticks, and not a single cross. I look at all these ticks every day, and it gives me a sense of achievement. I would not want to see a cross in this book, as it would symbolise a return to the old ways. Seeing that cross would seriously depress me, hence I avoid it at all cost.
I hope these tips will help. Please read dua for me as I want to continue on the right track. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. Allah is on my side. Allah is on my side. Allah is on my side.
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER
___________________________________________
Related Posts on MM:
Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah
Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.
The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.
The Coddling Of The Western Muslim Mind: [Part 1] The Cult Of Self-Esteem
Islam, Decoloniality, And Allamah Iqbal On Revolution
Addressing Abuse Amongst Muslims: A Community Call-In & Leadership Directives | The Female Scholars Network
Study Classical Texts the Traditional Way | Session 7
MM Recap: The Christmas Edition
Ensuring The Safety Of Our Communities: A Call For Immediate Corrective Action From American Muslim Organizations
Safeguarding Children In Todayโs World: An Islamic Perspective On Child Sexual Abuse Prevention And Protection
International Criminal Court Warrant Galls Genocidaires
The Fall Of Barsisa: Lessons On Spiritual Corruption And The Abuse Of Religious Authority
[Podcast] Navigating Christmas: Advice to Converts, from Converts | Hazel Gomez & Eman Manigat
Study Classical Texts The Traditional Way [Session 1] | Sh. Yaser Birjas
Sami Hamdi: “Muslims Must Abandon Harris” | Transcript and Summary
IOK Ramadan: The Importance of Spiritual Purification | Keys To The Divine Compass [Ep30]
IOK Ramadan: The Power of Prayer | Keys To The Divine Compass [Ep29]
IOK Ramadan: The Weight of the Qur’an | Keys To The Divine Compass [Ep28]
-
#Culture1 month ago[Podcast] How To Free A Jinn & Other Questions | Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
-
#Islam1 month ago
Study Classical Texts The Traditional Way [Session 3] | Sh. Yaser Birjas
-
#Life4 weeks ago
Ensuring The Safety Of Our Communities: A Call For Immediate Corrective Action From American Muslim Organizations
-
#Life1 month ago
Processing Spiritual Abuse In Islam: A Comprehensive Guide For Individuals, Communities, And Organizations
zfnd
August 20, 2007 at 3:12 AM
Jazakallah Khair for the organization!
Riyaz
November 23, 2015 at 1:20 PM
I also suffered for 8 years from same problem but whenever I get the urge now I listen to music and it kept me from doing it for 59 days and when u think ur addiction is over u can stop the music as well as porn or anything associated with porn
Pingback: Pornography Addiction: from Muslim Matters « Youth Matters
abdel
August 17, 2014 at 8:39 AM
Salam my sisters and my brothers I am suffering from porn addiction but there is some things a lots of things you can do to be cured from that go to ask Allah for help and have a Muslim help line that all Muslims can talk at or you can go to hajj Inshallah and ask Allah and read quran and pray or through your computer or block all the porn websites
Sam
February 9, 2016 at 6:00 AM
* Please read “Maidens of Paradise” (Jannah), available at: (http://www.islamfactory.com/books/) carefully and start pondering to change your mindset. Keep reading it after few weeks/months to refresh your newly established mindset.
* Please repent to Allah sincerely to pardon you and help you to turn back from pornography.
* Start working for Islam the way you are able to do.
* Start reading Quran in your mother tongue to understand meaning of its verses.
* Give charity.
* Start doing good deeds.
You are on your way to becoming a great person!! InshaAllah.
Please share the tips with others extensively. It will be great work indeed.
MR
August 20, 2007 at 8:16 AM
Sad…
Ikram Kurdi
September 10, 2009 at 6:30 PM
Please read The Porn Trap if you are suffering from porn or someone you love is, it can make all the difference in your life!
http://www.quranclub.net/2009/09/new-recommended-reading-porn-trap.html
(BTW, I am not spamming this thread. I truly believe this is the best solution for porn ever invented.)
iMuslim
August 20, 2007 at 8:58 AM
Assalamu ‘alaykum
Not only is this the best entry i have read on MM. This is the best entry i have read… ever.
Mashallah – may Allah reward you.
Seriously, great stuff, and the best part is, it is not only applicable to those who habitually sin in this manner. You could transpose any habitual sin in place of porn addiction, and the entry would make just as much sense, in the turmoil of sinner’s regret vs urge to sin, and in the effect of this sin on those close to them, and on the advice given to give up the sin.
Subhanallah. Thank you all. You’re so brave to write your experiences here. May Allah reward you because this entry will help you and others like you – and when i say others like you, i mean every person in the entire world, who has even the teeniest belief and fear in Allah.
I’ll stop with the praise, because i don’t want to diminish your rewards. I pray this article becomes a form of sadaqa jaariah for everyone involved – and i am totally getting a piece of the action, inshallah, and forwarding it on to others! :D
Wa’salam
Pingback: Pornography Addiction Amoung Muslims at Ijtema
Amad
August 20, 2007 at 9:52 AM
jazakilahkhair iMuslim for the kind comments.
And jazakumAllahkhair to OUR READERS for writing the post (hey, I ONLY compiled it), which goes to show that MM does indeed have some of the brightest and concerned readers and commentators in the blogosphere!
ExEx Blogger
August 20, 2007 at 11:00 PM
I am absolutely shocked by this posting. This is the one of the very few times in which I read more than 85 percent of the content. Great advice. I don’t know if any of the TDC attendees has the lecture but my last years lecture “Controlling Lusts & Desires” addressed this issue.
Amad
August 20, 2007 at 11:50 PM
Chao sahib, I was in the lecture… one of the few “older shabab” in the room… you were going full-blast, full-force, delta-power… and the kids were melting into their chairs… it was awesome. I was wondering why all the uncles wanted to get in… I think we need to put that audio in…
Kamran
August 21, 2007 at 12:10 PM
Amad,
do you have that lecture by Chao Sahib? I have never heard his lectures before even though I have heard a lot about Chao Sahib from Irtiza :)
btw, are the lectures from last year’s TDC available at all? sorry to drift away from the topic
Kamran
(when is the TDC website gonna be functional??)
ibnabeeomar
August 21, 2007 at 12:24 PM
kamran – the progressives lecture from last years tdc has been posted on our site.
and good luck on the rest… i got cd’s from last years conf while at the conf but i dont know about the copyrights otherwise i would upload them :)
Kamran
August 21, 2007 at 1:45 PM
ibnabeeomar,
you should also contact Sh AbdulBary, he has a very interesting and unique position on the issue of “copyright” on Islamic materials. He sharess my view (that there is no copyright on Islamic Knowledge). And he also has strong arguments to back it up.
wallahu `alam
-Kamran
Kamran
August 21, 2007 at 2:03 PM
on that note, I give you this lecture:
http://haadi.almaghrib.org/Audio/AB_Ramadhan_Khutba.MP3
Sh AbdulBary’s khutbah on “Time to repent is…NOW”
Nuqtah
August 21, 2007 at 3:10 PM
Hey which TDC lecture was that? I guess I was in a different lecture :s
Rick Carey
August 21, 2007 at 3:46 PM
Here’s a bit of simple but complete advice:
It’s no big deal, stop obsessing about it.
Men have needs (and so do women) and relieving those needs by once in a while looking at porn is healthy! When you get into the cycle of need, need-fulfillment, guilt over fulfilling need, shame, relieving the feeling of shame by doing it again you get into the downward spiral of becoming an obsessive. If, however, you just realized it was no big deal and even healthy you can engage it once in a while and live a full and complete life.
Ask yourself a question, why does Allah care if you look at erotic pictures?
Salam
February 18, 2012 at 7:00 PM
He cares because he told us not to do bad things and porn is a sin opposite sex genders should not be looking at one on there.
ExEx Blogger
August 21, 2007 at 4:06 PM
Let me try to look for that lecture.
Amad
August 21, 2007 at 4:08 PM
Rick, we are in completely different zones and fundamentals of understanding. In other words, we have an absolute moral system, in which Allah does care about our sins and good deeds.
Regardless, even socially amongst non-Muslims, porn is a huge problem that affects many relationships and causes many ills. That is why there is so much material devoted to helping the problem. Also, we are talking about addictions here, not about the “once in a while” stuff. Though that is wrong too, but it is not the issue we are discussing.
Rick Carey
August 21, 2007 at 5:10 PM
Amad,
That’s my point. I’ve observed many more protestants with alcohol problems than Catholics and I attribute that to the fact protestants strongly frown on alcohol use while Catholics have a much laxer attitude. Making something a sin and having a zero tolerance policy ensures that your community will have a higher incidence of that sin. Aristotle said “Everything in Moderation” in part because he knew that trying to completely wipe out an act will drive people to excess in that action.
And, I’ve known people for whom porn saved their marriages. During many of my friends’ pregnancy the man learned that he would have to go many months without sex and the wives OKed their husbands using porn as an outlet. Today they are all happily married with kids and none have porn addictions.
ExEx Blogger
August 21, 2007 at 5:41 PM
@ Rick
May I suggest and remind that the Christian faith explicitly bans alcohol and intoxicants. It doesn’t matter if it’s Protestantism or Catholicism or Orthodox. Having a zero tolerance on stuff will only make it clear cut that it’s forbidden. Imagine if Islam wasn’t clear cut on it, we would have more people drinking under the pretext that it’s not clear cut.
As for the issue of men not being able to have intimate relationships with their wives because of pregnancy, there is nothing wrong with intimacy and intercourse during pregnancy. The only time period Muslims are not allowed to engage in conjugal activity is during menstruation and post-pregnancy bleeding. If in the scenario that one’s wife is in either of one situation, Islam has already a solution to this which is polygyny (multiple wives with set rules) unlike polygamy (multiple wives with no set standards)
See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy#Islam
Now, I know that some people out there might not “agree” with Islams viewpoint on polygyny, I think it’s safe that to say that having conjugal relations with your 2 wife is definately healthier spiritually and more satisfying then deriving pleasure from hand-induced pleasure in front of the computer.
ibnabeeomar
August 21, 2007 at 7:57 PM
Rick,
Frankly the same could be said for alcohol. some may enjoy it in moderation, but many can’t, we know the consequences of that.
the question i have for you is this:
If you believe that God is the All-Wise, and you believe He legislated for us to abstain from something, then would you agree we should submit to that command?
abu ameerah
August 22, 2007 at 12:59 AM
@ ExEx Blogger:
“…hand-induced pleasure in front of the computer.”
LOL! Well put Sheikh…well put… : )
Rick Carey
August 22, 2007 at 5:45 AM
ExEx Blogger-
No, Christianity bans drunkenness not alcohol. One of Jesus’ miracle involved turning water into wine, the Eucharist has always been practiced with wine, and Jesus even drank wine. But you make my point, most religions don’t prescribe an all-or-nothing approach and instead favor not condemning moderation to head off excess and obsession. You could learn a lot from Christ.
Amad and ExEx Blogger,
I, also, have an absolute moral system, it is called equality before the law. You think it’s better for a system to dehumanize women by allowing a man to take up to four wives than for a man to fulfill his needs for a few months with his hand, but I do not. I believe in the equality of women, and until women are allowed to take up to 4 husbands at one time they will be nothing but second-class citizens in many parts of the muslim world
Umm Layth
August 22, 2007 at 5:53 AM
That’s your opinion rick. But Islam came to put control upon polygany, which at the time was the norm, by only allowing 4 and setting conditions for it. It was also discouraged within the Qur’an itself, to make a man realize that it isn’t an easy job to be just to 4 women. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, also mentioned what he saw in hellfire in regards an unjust man towards his wives.
So, what may seem to you as unjust, is in reality a set of laws that are meant to better humanity, by having as their Guide God Alone, and not the ego of men who don’t know what is good for them.
Umm Layth
August 22, 2007 at 5:56 AM
Let me also add, I think it is sick that you think this is healthy.
aarij
August 22, 2007 at 2:21 PM
Rick, if we allow woman to have 4 husbands and she gets pregnant, whose baby is it? Do we toss a coin and each husband has a 25% of winning? And what happens while the woman is going through her menstrual cycle…all the 4 men sit around and wait for the woman to finish? OR do we allow the men to take up 4 wives and the women to take up 4 husbands, and then we can have a truly peaceful and harmonious solution that works for all? I mean, seriously…
And before you suggest DNA testing, DNA testing is not 100% accurate…meaning, a child can go through his life never knowing who his/her father is.
Fact of the matter is, men and women are different physically, and it is thus illogical to equate them on these terms.
Islam protects a woman’s rights through polygany. She has the right to the man’s property, to his wealth, her children are going to be provided for…the whole deal. Unlike in the west where a man can freely sleep around with 100 women impregnating each while not being accountable legally or morally for any of them!! Yay for the justice and liberation of women.
Umm Layth
August 22, 2007 at 4:05 PM
Sister aarij, and just the thought of a woman having 4 husbands seems so sick. It is at that point that I would say that a woman is 2nd class and underneath the feet of a man. Tossed around like she doesn’t matter, whereas when a man takes on 4, he has to remember every day to treat them all fairly or he will get punished in hell pretty harshly. la ilaha illa allah
aarij
August 22, 2007 at 4:38 PM
:)
I’m happy most of my friends from Univ. are not bloggers and don’t read blogs, otherwise they would have a field day with Sr. Umm Layth’s comments!
Ya ukhti, I’m a brother! :)
Aarij = brother
Areej = sister
haha
Umm Layth
August 22, 2007 at 4:57 PM
I’m sorry. I’m guilty of not even questioning the spelling. It’s just that we have a family member named Areej.
Pingback: Pornography « Islam|HD
Pingback: Pornography « Deen and Duniyah
Pingback: Injil » Blog Archive » Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips)
a muslim
September 30, 2007 at 6:57 AM
I myself is an addict, and this site has helped me a lot, because especially the sisters story whos husband is an addict. I was crying from start to the end of her story. May Allah help me and all muslims. I just want to remind brothers and sister PLEASE DO NOT SAY IT IS JUST A MINOR SIN (PORN)!!! I KNOW IT MIGHT BE BUT THIS MIONR LEADS TO MAJOR. SO refer to it as a sin don’t emphasize its only MINOR becuause of this sin sisters who are married to addicts are going to sever pain, THEY ARE GOING THORUGH PAIN WHICH ONLY THOSE WHO ARE AFFECTED BY IT KNOWS. I myself was crying reading the stories and Inshallah I promised Allah that I will stop I KNOW I DID IT IN THE PAST but Inshallah Allah will help and I will not give in to my NAFS
Amad
September 30, 2007 at 11:37 AM
Brother “a muslim”, may Allah help you and make this repentance a firm one… I hope everyone will make a quick dua’ for Br. Muslim, Qwerty and others inshallah.
Also “a muslim”, try the different techniques… each may have different impact on a person. If one doesn’t work out, then try another. If you need group encouragement, you can always use this board and let us know how you are doing and we’ll keep making dua’ and encouraging you.
jazakAllahkhair for trying!
Pingback: The Conquering of Shaytaan and the Self « MUSLIMOLOGY
A sinner slave
November 2, 2007 at 1:00 PM
Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatAllah,
I am 27 yrs old, married and blessed by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala with an extremely loving 10 months old daughter. Since my childhood, have been using masturbation, looking at women, TV, magazine to deal with loneliness, insecurity, frustration, family problem until it became habit, then obsession with strong desires. In my high school oversees (which was an all boys cadet school), I felt attracted to some boys (especially boys who were relatively soft and good looking). I even touched two of them inappropriately while masturbating. Got introduced to internet sex materials, chat rooms, sexually explicit videos after coming to USA in fall, 2000. Since then, have been using them to deal with anxiety, depression and managing stress and ofcourse, lust. Since my early high school years, I grew up with very low self esteem, always afraid of being criticised and judged. I lived for almost 3 years with a roommate of mine who was 8 years older than me and I feel I was psychologically abused during that time. At one point, I paid money to a prostitute and had first sexual experience with the prostitute which turned out to be a trauma. Especially in summer, my eyes wander in the streets and every where else looking at half naked women lustfully. I grew up with so many family problems, my parents’s abusive relationship, physical fighting, domestic violence, verbal abuse, eventual divorce, Mom being murdered in a robbery case and so on. I don’t have anyone in this world after Allah except my wife and my daughter. This summer, I lost control of myself and went after prostitutes, ended up with a she-male which I found out after paying her $200, she was about to beat me up, then I left being frightened. Nothing happened beyond touching. Have droven car in streets looking for half naked women, offering them rides and offering them money in exchange of “spending time with me”. Went to events like “african fest” in summer where would be able to find lot of half naked women, abrubtly trying to start conversations with strangers hoping to do something else, but Allah saved me from actual zina every time till now. My wife knows bits and [pieces of my pron addiction, but she gets very depressed (as any pure, loyal muslim sister would feel). So, I stopped sharing with her. Right now, I have to look at pron every week-at most a week and half, otherwise I feel so restless that can’t concentrate in anything until I do it.
I prefer watching sexual videos to having relationship with my wife. Even if I have relationship with my wife, I still get cravings for porn and those seem more exciting to me. I also have very fast “premature ejaculation”, especially if I stay clean for some days and then go to my wife. I feel this is often frustrating to my wife, but being an extremely shy and modest girl, she doesn’t complain, she just says, “don’t worry, it’s ok”. But if I watch porn and exhaust myself with multiple orgasms, then later go to my wife, this problem of “premature ejaculation” is not there. I obsess about womens’ bodies and sex.
Feel very helpless within myself. I married early (when I was 24) hoping marriage would be the “magical solution”, but apparently, that is not the case-but I must admit marriage is extremely helpful, extremely helpful and a very positive and helathy thing.
Any of my muslim brother/sister wants to advice this sinner slave of Allah? would you please make do’a for me? i shall be eternally grateful to you.
Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatAllahi wa barakatuh
Irfan
July 30, 2014 at 6:00 AM
See brothers
Pornography is the worst addiction even more than any drug .
But if by mistake you have been addicted and now u want to and u r committed to leave it you can . But stop it doing from this time , donโt say today i will do last time .. Because then this last time will come never .
It is like , you have to pull out a tree from its roots and you are saying you will pull it out next year ,but nex year tree will widen its roots and you wil be older and then you will say nex year . But remember like this this nex year will always be this year . Jus stop it from this point of time ,if your really want to get rid of it.
Moreover offer tahjud prayers , it will certainly help .
One more thing you need to do is keep saying to your self that you are a muslim , allah is watching , it is shameless act . By the time you may get rid off it inshaallah
But remember it is not only satan who is responsinble for it . Nafas i amara , our nafas supported by satan is allso responsible for this .
we should make it nafsi lawama by continously guiding it not to commit this mistake .and inshaallah it will become nafs i mutmaina with time
And simply if you want really to get rid off it then you have to put efforts .
Evil comes itself but for virtue we need to put efforts like wild plants grow itself and for plants bearing fruits , we need to sow them ..
Make efforts and see results
fedayeen
March 13, 2015 at 10:58 PM
Asalaamu alaykum akh,
First you must recognise that you continue to identify women as mere sex objects, having been exposed to “mature adult material” since your very impressionable childhood. This extreme sexual over-stimulation has created within you nothing but lust and desire in your heart (which you should reserve only for your zawjatiy.) Your obsession with porn stems from a need to fulfil an unrealistic and unattainable fantasy, like a drug addict seeking that “perfect high”, that will forever leave you feeling utterly depressed, frustrated and unsatisfied. What you can do is focus all of those feelings towards your zawjatiy, share practically anything and everything possible because the more open the communication you have the less anxiety you will feel. And also, you and your zawjatiy should be sexually uninhibited with each other as long as it’s halaal of course! She is the only woman’s body you should obsess about, right? Don’t you believe she’s beautiful and you love her or else you wouldn’t have bothered to get married. I hope this last bit of humble advice doesn’t offend you but, as the father of a 10 month old daughter (who is much older now), could you imagine her growing into adulthood and ending up in the sex industry? All those women you stare at lustily in those porns are someone’s daughter, sister, mother and aunt who most likely resorted to this “vice” as a result of some form of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Sure. they’re independent consenting adults but they may be suffering from years of psychological damage they have yet to recover from. Try as best as you can to become less selfish and self absorbed, find hobbies that you will enjoy either alone or with your zawjatiy and you’ll see how much better you will feel about your life. I know you have the strength to overcome this problem akh and may Allaah (swt) guide you and keep you on the Straight Path. Ameen.
Amad
November 3, 2007 at 8:34 PM
“A sinner slave”… it is sad to hear your story. We pray that Allah helps you recover from this disease of the heart.
I don’t think there is more we can advise you other than the great amount of information and tips in the post. I would urge you to read the post carefully and then commit yourself to a technique or more. IF you want our encouragement you can always post your progress and we will continue to make dua’ for you.
ThePontiff
November 19, 2007 at 9:22 AM
Stop it Muslims, or you will all go blind. :-D
On a more serious note, Muslims have such terrible sexual hangups; which is why Muslims can’t cope when they come to the West.
MMuslim
April 24, 2010 at 9:12 AM
Whoa – I grew up here with a mother who had converted. I can’t cope either.
fedayeen
March 13, 2015 at 10:15 PM
And there are no “sexual hang ups” in America? Then explain the prevalence of acquaintance and date rape, especially when it has become such a serious problem in the US military and on college/university campuses.
Sequoia
November 20, 2007 at 12:46 AM
the pontiff,
I take it you know about how muslims can’t “cope” because of all your experience with muslims? lol. Your ignorance of the subject would be funny if it weren’t so sad. The Muslim community in the US and Canada (not to mention worldwide) is very diverse and comes from numerous backgrounds (yup the Pontif, there are even a few Muslims who aren’t Arab and are married to only one woman). Could Muhmaed Ali and Ice Cube “cope” with living in the Usa? or are you talking only about immigrant Muslims? In which case always moving to a new country can bring about times of confusion or difficulty adjusting. Every immigrant group has faced that. But again, i think your generalization about the Muslim community is missing the point at a genours best or more likely woefuly ignorant. I don’t think anyone can honestly say that an addiction to pornography (whch unfortunately is prevelant across the cultural/ religious devide) is a good thing or that trying to help individuals away from this problem as a sexual hangup.
ThePontiff
November 20, 2007 at 2:58 AM
Sequoia, drop your American ethnocentric stance, and cease the Moslem victimhood spin, which only hobbles Islam from accepting progressive secular values.
Moslems too often can not accept human biology which makes some men homosexual, some not, and some bisexual. Pornography is merely a visual stimuli to aid in one’s sexual expression. Of course, to Moslems, who object even to pictures of their prophet in a comic strip, let alone sexual imagery (which they vilify as evil), well there’s a lot of work for the Moslems to enter the 21st Century. Of course, many Moslems choose not to as they prefer to remain locked into the obsolete 7th Century while they impose their dark ages beliefs on others. This is why there’s fatwahs and murders on intellectuals for merely expressing the basic right of freedom of speech.
And before you play the usual “Islamophobia” victim card (yes, I can see you chaffing at the bit), remember “Islamophobia’ has one purpose โ to suppress any criticism, legitimate or not, of Islam.
Amad
November 20, 2007 at 10:03 AM
“ThePontiff”: it is obvious that you came here with the goal of trolling. And we usually allow your type to spew a bit and then shut it off, not because we are afraid to listen to your garbage, but because you have not come here to intelligently discuss; rather to comment in an arrogant and condescending form, so as to satisfy that little bigot in you. Do you really feel that the “Moslems” will take kindly to your approach and actually change their behavior in response to your insulting comments?
As for Sequoia, he is not a Muslim, is not funded by Muslims and has no other motivations to “defend” Muslims except that he is an open-minded fair individual who recognizes the perils of stereotyping and bigotry. We have been down this route before with black Americans, with Japanese Americans, with German Americans and let’s not forget the Commies.
As for as your statements about homosexuality and bisexuality, I find it interesting that you feel that acceptance of sexual behavior is synonymous with progressive behavior? So, tomorrow if someone accepts incest and polyamry (still not widely “accepted” behaviors), then does that mean that person is REALLY ahead of the curve? What about the majority of Christians, Jews and other religious people who also refuse to accept homosexuality and bisexuality, including our current President… are they still living in the 1st Century? If accepting these behaviors (note I am not saying that one should discriminate against these folks) means progressivism to you, then we are in no need of it.
As for freedom of speech, that’s a bogus, hypocritical charge, esp. in the West. No doubt that freedom of speech is ahead in Western societies, but try speaking about the holocaust and you’ll be locked up in Europe. Why permit cartoon strips to offend Muslims, yet disallow holocaust denial that offends Jews? Why not have the same standard?
Finally, Islamophobia is as real as antisemitism, racism and all other sorts of bigotry. Just like the Germans in the pre-holocaust days denied that there was any antisemitism, calling it imagination; similarly bigots like you would like to deny this form of racism (and Islamophobia IS racism just like antisemitism IS racism), so that you can feel comfortable in your prejudice and hatred.
aarij
November 20, 2007 at 10:13 AM
pwnage.
Sequoia
November 20, 2007 at 11:14 AM
The Pontif,
But here is the point….you place your world view (ie Muslims are 7th century intolerant fools) on not only my comments but on the topic at hand. You knew nothing about my background or ideas. Same as any of the commenters on here. Yet, in your infinite wisdom you “knew” what I wanted to label you. If you have some criticism of something specific then state it, as I am sure almost everyone on this coomunity will respond to your points respectfully, even if some of these points don’t deserve as much (I am speaking on previous commenters who have issued disrespectful comments, yet were treated to a intelligent reply). As for not accepting biology, conservatives in all religion take a conservative approach to sex. Which religion leads the “absitinence” program here in the US? What would happen to an orthodox jewish girl who was found out to have sex with her “secret” boyfriend.
ThePontiff
November 29, 2007 at 1:12 AM
All this victim crying from Islam while it acts the bigot towards women, homosexuals and secular progressives. I note you’re all good spin doctors who never condemn the intolerance of Islam. How convenient. Just remember, feminism, homosexual rights and secularism will not give way to religious bigots. The Christians were finally forced to reform in the name of tolerance and so will homophobic Islam. You’re free to practice your religion but you will not be allowed to undermine the human rights of others.
life
February 28, 2008 at 9:14 AM
aselamu alikum all i was so sad on reading about po. i do not want even spell the word and please especially with ayas letter,,, please i want to contact this girl i really want to be online frend and support in any whay please admin give her my email address.
We do not share contact details or other privacy information. Thank you for your concern. -MM
Luke Gilkerson
February 28, 2008 at 1:07 PM
I recommend to anyone who is struggling in the sin of pornography to turn to a good accountability software for their computer. I work for Covenant Eyes, and we’ve created a very robust program that monitors Internet usage and makes that information available to accountability partners of your choosing.
I invite you to go to http://www.covenanteyes.com and enter promocode ‘onefree’ to receive a free 30 day trial of the program. That promo code is open to anyone who wants it.
The inspiration for the company name comes from the book of Job in the Bible. “Commemorate Our Servant Job” (Qur’an, Surah 38:41)
PracticalMuslim
March 8, 2008 at 7:06 AM
Salam,
Muslims today face a difficult challenge of living in lewd society with clear guidelines on how to deal with premartial sex and women. So we fall to temptation and commit sins against the beautiful gift of God-our soul, rationality, body and health.
I have found an excellent solution to live the life that Allah wants to. Namely:
1) Don’t be alone. Study in the library, mix yourself with the opposite gender in public to mitigate sexual tension and temptation. Moreover, being around the opposite gender with others while doing productive acts will demystify them and make being with them a norm.
2) Be proactive about your room-put your trust in God and keep the door open if you live in dorms or with other people.
In short: NEVER leave yourself alone, Shaytan wants to destroy man, especially the Muslim.
May ALLAH give us strength to be his vicegerents as He created us to be.
syed saboor
March 12, 2008 at 7:57 AM
Another thing, you Muslim brothers out there, who got addicted to pornogaphy should be ashamed of yourselves. I have no pity for you, but scorn. If you really loved your wives, you would never of gotten addicted to that garbage in the first place. If I was married, and I am not, my Muslim wife would my first priority and my only focus in life. The problem with you Muslim men who live in the West is that you forget the beauty of your Muslim women and you run after all of these Western whores. I speak as a Muslim man, who once left Islam for Christianity, and who converted back to Islam. And since then, I have come to appreciate my dear Muslim sisters and how beautiful they are. Love your wives, that is the only advice I can give you.
con
January 26, 2010 at 3:54 PM
apostasy is something major..yet alhamdulillah you saw how wrong it was and Allah guided you back to islam. In the same way maybe guiding people away from porn is bter than scorning them?
if someone isinto sins and feels no shame or sorrow then scorn is probably the best way to wake them up, the truth hurts but if it wkes them up and takes them out of the “garbage”…good! but if an addict is genuinly ashamed and sincerely makin efforts to keep away from the destructive habit then surely compassion would be the way to go?
in all my research on this sad topic many bros who have been caught in this dark world of porn
by their wives, in 100% of the cases so far the wives got over the initial absolute shock and sickness and they supported and showed pity to the husband to get him out of the web of vulgarity. Not just
” quiet, intimidated wives of 5 or 10 years from back home” but even newly wed opinionated
girls who have growm up in the west and are conservative, strong minded muslimahs….the initial scorn always turns into compassion and its quite a remarkable what a sincere spouse sacrifices.
incidentally in my research so far what is apparent is that it’s more common amongst non-muslims who are caught out for their wives to seek divorce instantly and publicise the guys vice in order to get as much as posible in the settelment..not at all is this the case in all non-muslims i have come across in such situations, but when it has happened I have not seen this happen amongst muslims yet,
a phenomenon?or a pure blessing from Allah for believing men, to give them further reason to quit the haraam and derive blessing from what Allah Al Kareem has provided for them ?
Muslim007
March 19, 2008 at 8:32 AM
make Istighfaar(Astaghfirullahi min qulle zanbin wa atubu iliah) all the times. Istighfaar really breaks the back of Shaytaan. and one more thing try to minimize watching tv and other magazines bcz it’s little things like these in tvs and magazines that lead you to bigger Fawahish such as pornography. so if u stay away from these small stuff insha Allah your lust/temptations will decrease.
Muslim007
March 19, 2008 at 3:14 PM
1 thing i forgot to mention is that try to be in wudu 24/7 that minimizes the effect of shaytaan. for sister i’ve this advice get an audio cd of qur’an with translation and play it whenever your husband sits on the computer that might stop him and brothers can try it too. may Allah guide us to the right path and may he shower his mercy and blessings upon us. Amin
Pingback: muslimmatters.org » Sex & the Muslim Ummah - Part 1 [Sex Education]
Ali Sarfraz
March 30, 2008 at 2:10 PM
I’m a little confused about this issue. I’m a male, unmarried, 23 years old and working. Just as mentioned in the article my parents think I’m too young to marry. They have no idea of the problems we face. I’m stuck in this dilemma and have no idea where to find a pious wife, how to convince my parents etc. etc. suggestions anyone ?
Living under the pressures in the society, internet and what have you. It is impossible to control your desires.
I’ve been living under the assumption that when I’ll get married I’ll automatically quit pornography and I’m pretty convinced on that but reading this article has scared me a bit. Why would someone go to pornography when you have a wife to go to ? I don’t get it, why would it still remain an addiction ?
Also I would like to point I don’t think living in a Muslim country helps, the world seems to be converting into 1 big block with same crap everywhere. I went to North America recently & lived there for few months, I didn’t really face a big shock. I did not find the environment of much difference in fact it was better. To my surprise somehow I had a low sexual drive in North America compared to my homeland, I haven’t been able to figure out why, perhaps it was change of lifestyle or something, I don’t know but those where good days :) Actually I didn’t do any pornography for the time I lived in North America but when I came back to homeland things started changing and they are back to as they were in the past.
I feel stuck on how all this is going to get resolved and I am gonna get out of this mess. Its a dead end for now.
The advice that you mentioned in the article, well that can really help if you are married what could unmarried person do ?
Dude
April 7, 2008 at 9:15 PM
salam., i’m semi religious with huge fornication problems myself (though not porno as much ) and even I was totally ‘wowed’ after I read agravesinner’s account. Like what the heck man…
Anyway, I’m not married (21) but I can imagine how one can be bored sexually even after being married. Same thing with a girlfriend.
It’s not about sexual desire, all these sins are more about mental desires. And you have to be satisfied with your wife mentally.
She has to seduce you in a unique way everytime and entertain you. I can guarantee all you porn addicts will never ever watch porn again, b/c all porn does anyway is provide entertainment, which is obviously lacking from your sex lives.
How can you be married and still watch porn !! Or visit escorts!
Wives need to know how to entertain their husbands. It shouldn’t always be about sexual penetration and that’s it. Just the thought of that sounds so boring let alone doing that all the time.
Wives need to know what to wear and know how to act in bed. Steal your husband mentally. He’ll love you forever.
Later guys,
Have fun.
Hana
April 17, 2010 at 7:24 PM
I can’t belive i just read this-I don;t think you get the point, wives can’t live up to the porn stars image etc. I have tried dressing up etc and my husbnad has just laughed at me and says that as the mother of his children he doesn’t see me in this way
My story is very sad, a practising muslima and a doctor I married a man whom my parents chose-it was my fathers wish that I married a doctor (as I also am one) and as he was from Pakistan assumed he would have good religious values. I don’t want to say bad things about him except I found out he is totally non practising, he is a good man but from an early age admits to masturbating. I found porn saved on his laptop and searches for massage parlours in his history which he made up excuses for. It becomes so hard to continue parctising sabr with a man who doesn’t acknowledge that he has a problem, that is not embarrassed when his wife and children aged 8,5 and 3 years are going to pray Juma at the mosque while he sleeps on the sofa, who downloads and watches more films in one week than I have seen in my lifetime. He stays on the computer until early hours while I wait for him in bed, he says its ok to masturbate.I pray to Allah he will change and will be guided but how much longer before it affects my children as it already is? Does one stay with the husband in this situation or continue praying for help and for how long? I have peiods when my faith is at a high but periods of deep depression, please pary for me, Jazakullah.
seem
July 7, 2011 at 11:38 AM
Dear Sr Hannah,
Today I will make a sincere du’a that Allah fill your husband’s heart with shame, regret, and more importantly some deen.
More over, I pray that Allah not only provide you the Sabr you need to go through life, but ultimately fill your heart with peace.
My prayers are with you.
Salam
Luke Gilkerson
April 9, 2008 at 1:13 PM
I am not a Muslim, but I identify deeply with the problem of pornography addiction. Now, having some distance with that life, I am so thankful that I am not there anymore.
I now work for a company called Covenant Eyes. The company has been making and distributing Internet accountability software for the past 8 years and has helped tens of thousands find freedom from porn’s grip. It is really rewarding to hear testimonies about people who are finally finding accountability.
Our software isn’t like a Internet filter; it simply monitors where a person goes on the Internet. Covenant Eyes servers create detailed Internet-use reports of every single website visited. These reports cannot be edited or erased (like a computer’s Internet history). We have an up-to-date scoring system that rates sites based on content and includes those ratings on the report. Accountability partners (of that person’s choosing) can then view that person’s Internet activity via emailed reports or on our website 24/7. People avoid viewing porn online because they know they are accountable for what they see.
Covenant Eyes also has a promotional code you can use to get a free month to try out their accountability service. Go to http://www.covenanteyes.com and enter promocode ‘onefree’ to receive a free 30 day trial of the program.
Anyone who is struggling with this problem, please stop by our website!
Luke Gilkerson
Internet Community Manager
Covenant Eyes
http://www.covenanteyes.com
PS: The name Covenant Eyes comes from the Bible in the book of Job, “I have made a covenant with my eyes” (Job 31:1), but Covenant Eyes members are from multiple faiths (any many from no faith background). โCommemorate Our Servant Jobโ (Quran, 38:41)
Pingback: Sex & the Ummah: Innocence Lost | MuslimMatters.org
Ridwan
April 20, 2008 at 4:48 AM
I have porn addictrion to…brothers my only suggestion is leaving North America and living a simple life in muslim lands…and when your there advise the brothers at the internet cafe to not let you in. Then work on yourself…this is the fight of our lives…if we really want Jannah then this is were our test lies…we must fight against our evil selves and get to Jannah…at all cost.
Ridwan
April 20, 2008 at 3:21 PM
Also aquire knowledge so that you may increase your fear of Allah subhanu wa ta ala.
Muslim brother-
May 7, 2008 at 4:18 PM
Bismillah
A brother said:
“Another thing, you Muslim brothers out there, who got addicted to pornogaphy should be ashamed of yourselves. I have no pity for you, but scorn. If you really loved your wives, you would never of gotten addicted to that garbage in the first place. If I was married, and I am not, my Muslim wife would my first priority and my only focus in life. The problem with you Muslim men who live in the West is that you forget the beauty of your Muslim women and you run after all of these Western whores. I speak as a Muslim man, who once left Islam for Christianity, and who converted back to Islam. And since then, I have come to appreciate my dear Muslim sisters and how beautiful they are. Love your wives, that is the only advice I can give you.”
Dear brother, the sin which you committed is worse than watching porn. The two do not even compare. So your lack of sympathy or pity for these brothers should not dismay them or hurt them in any way (I hope). You returned to Islam – all praise is due to Allah – and we ask Allah to forgive your past and to brighten your future. We also ask Allah to strengthen us in these times of fitnah.
You said a very silly comment “If you really loved your wives, you would never of gotten addicted to that garbage in the first place. ” which is very silly because some have started the addiction before they were married. It is the filthy culture that the kuffaar have brought and it has – unfortunately – seeped into the Muslim lands at an alarming rate. This type of filth is available in our lands as well. It is hard to quit an addiction once a person is hooked, though it is possible. If you read the article you would have realized that the brother who mentioned his story (and those who commented with similar problems) are very disgusted with this act and hate and despise it and wish to quit it forever. So do not give us a holier-than-thou attitude, rather try to say something constructive and helpful for your brothers.
Anyway, my anger is at the fact that you have completely missed the point and you are scorning your brothers without even understanding their situation, and [thus] your advice was off-the-point. If we want to help each other, we ask Allah and we try to provide solutions.
One drastic solution, as brother Ridwan suggested, is to escape from all the evil and corruption and fitnah and run away to a simple village life (which is still available in many parts of the world). A person would have to sacrifice almost all the modern conveniences he has become accustomed to…but if the fitnah is attacking from all sides (and I am not just referring to the evil temptation of immorality which may come in the form of porn, fornication, adultery, and the list goes on) then one will see this as a worthy trade-off in exchange for getting away from the evils that have enshrouded today’s ‘modern’ societies.
Of course, not many would even consider such a solution, or even think it practical or permissible. Many would not be able to make such a major change, to take such a big and decisive step. One would think “will I be able to handle that?” and “surely there must be another way.” Anyway, we have drifted off from the actual discussion here.
Other solutions are – as some suggested – to cut off or limit internet access and try to plan your time so that you simply have no time for this evil habit. Or to try the psychological method mentioned in the article. The most important thing – as Sh. Yasir said – is not to lose hope in the Mercy of Allah, for Allah forgives all sins. Make du’a constantly and ask Him to guide you, and continue to repent and try to overcome your problem. I ask Allah to rid our brothers of this evil problem and to strengthen us and guide us.
Alhamdulillah, Allah is Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, Al-‘Afu, Al-Ghafoor…
Can'tThinkofaFakeNameIHaveN'tUsed
May 16, 2008 at 12:27 AM
Ali Sarfraz…i am 28 and my story is not getting any better.
Inshallah, I hope I get my condition improved so I can hope for a wife soon…coz I struggle…i feel miserable after i visit stuff like that …but i sometimes justify it in my head….i am studying at a college and my parents are your typical parents who think marriage is only after you get a good job that pays you big bucks etc..though i think such a concern is legitimate,…since .i can’t afford a wife with my part-time university job which is also soon to be ending…and i’ don’t know what i’ll be doing in the next couple of months….i am planning and sending resumes..
Lot of my boredom gets entertained with watching loner movies or old shows like godzilla, diehard, terminator2, 40 yearold virgin…..daninreallife…aboutaboy…Anne of green gables or Road to Avonlea (yea i know i was 13 when I saw this show and i still watch it !!)…i also use to listen to “good love is on its way” and similar songs (now cutting down)…i try to limit watching movies other than family shows or older series like sherlock holmes etc. ..
And including of course listening to lectures by hamza yusuf, or reading stuff on this blog…youtube videos…listening to noam chomsky..george galloway…watching “the OFFICE” episodes…and then the porn comes in somewhere there say once in 6-7-days..anyways…i am going to take all the advice from this blog..inshallah and see how it plays out…i liked the extending the sujjood and rukuu idea..
Oh yea..you guys have to listen to this kid, ..http://youtube.com/watch?v=tckAvtt96bY&feature=related
Islam4life
May 18, 2008 at 4:37 AM
You need help if you have an addiction. Don’t justify it in any way. As Muslims, we have free will. Free will gives us the ability to make choices which is either A or B.
I don’t recall the hadith but the Prophet PBUH states be careful of the minor sins for they lead to major sins. One thing standing between you and repentances is yourself. No one can stand between you and allah for tawbah. However its must be sincere and genuine, meaning you dont go back to action that caused the deviation.
Ridwan
May 22, 2008 at 1:25 PM
Trust me brothers, I know how you feel, its like your self destructing and you cant do anything about it. People tell you to get over it, but we know it aint that easy. So whats at stake. Eternal life in Hell at the price of Jannah. People can call me evil…cuz I am, tell me something I don’t know. THe fact is that to get over this addiction there needs to be great sacrifice and hardship. I’ve thought about blinding myself, still might do it, yep, I’m that desperate. The evil nature of my soul proves to overpowering, I’m supposed to quit forever when I cant get passed 1 year without relapse?! I may sound pesimistic, but I’m not, I’ve got two solutions, one of em’ is leaving north america to muslim lands and living a simple life, and the other is blinding myself at least then i know i won’t be able to look at these pictures even if i tried.
Mohsin
May 29, 2008 at 3:54 PM
The first article written by the addicted husband was like a new type of literature for me to read, as I have never read such an open confession with that clarity of self-awareness within the Islamic literature.
What you have mentioned might be the case of many unmentioned stories among us.
My advice to you (that you might already know) and to all of us who might fall into that situation is:
1. Never accept the idea that you canโt help your self and that you are tracked for good. If you have not succeeded so far, one nice day, Allah will rescue you from your self. Your confidence in your self might be down, but your confidence in Allah should always be high. The ultimate goal of shaytan is to make you loose hope. Once you have surrendered he will push you even further and further..
2. Keep blaming yourself each time you fall. Itโs even more dangerous to get used to being a sinner or not feeling the danger of the sin.
3 Each time you fall, repent to Allah and repent and repent………… this is the only way that will keep your heart alive.
4. Encounter each failure with a good deed equivalent to the size of the sin… For example spend a great deal of money fi sabili Allah, sponsor an orphan, and spend of your time and your skills to develop an activity or an organisation that would benefit others. Have a list of goals you want to achieve and each time you fall, work harder to achieve those goals. This is what Allah would love to see you doing while repenting and this is what make shaytan a looser each time you follow him. He canโt afford that, but he is patient enough to encourage you sinning until you loose hope in you self.
I believe the fact that you memorized Quran during your toughest period has helped you to maintain your Islamic self-image. Things could have been worse.
5. Finally, Environment has a great impact on all of us but even more a decisive impact on some of us who cannot resist it as good as others. Make sure you minimize your moments of temptation. If it is the internet, then you know who your enemy is, restrict the use of it by allowing your wife or your friend to have full control over your computer and you can be logged on as guest etc. You will find a way to handle your situation better once you know your weaknesses and your enemy (shaytan) and what you want to achieve. Even then you might loose some battles, but they will be much fewer than other wise.
I hope to be the first one to benefit from these words, as our struggle in dunia ends only the day we leave it.
Remember that Allahโs mercy is beyond our recognition.
Ubaydullah - The Little Slave of Allah
May 31, 2008 at 11:33 PM
Before I begin, I wanted to say Jazakam Allahu Khayran to all the brothers who have shared their stories on this topic. Just reading through the posts on this subject has helped me curb my problem a lot when I come face to face to it at certain times, butโฆ.I’m still addicted.
I’ll try to be vague but still get the point across inshaAllah so others can benefit from this post. And of course, keep myself anonymous for obvious reasons. But for the meanwhile, I’ll go by the name Ubaydullah. I am a Muslim male between the ages of 15-20 (the younger group of the addicts, not that it makes me the “better porn addict” as it was stated before) and have been addicted since I was 11. Of course you can’t blame anyone but yourself for the addiction, but I wished my parents would have kept our computer in a public area at that time I developed my addiction instead of in a secluded portion of the house in our basement. I was going through puberty at that time period as well which caused a big problem.
The time I discovered porn, I remember that it was out of curiosity. I would be playing a game on a website or something and than an ad would come up and I would click on it. This led me to different portals I wish I hadn’t discovered.
Then came the drive to keep going at it. I would go to school (SubhanAllah, in the 5th/6th grade we would be talking about these things) and kids would be engrossed in discussions about sex, pornography, private parts, etc which would worsen my problem.
Oh you Muslim parents out there! Your child is not free of sin. When he goes to school, he learns more than he should (which is not a good thing here in reference to the topic). You must spend time with your children and when the time approaches, teach him/her about sex education through Islam’s teaching methods. Do not let the schools dictate this subject to your kid. I remember my parents talked to me about sex the first time was for maybe 10 minutes after my dad found out they were teaching us about it at Sunday School. Than when I turned 12, my parents asked me if the school talked to me about “sensitive issues.” Again, the only way I learned about sex was through school, kids, and sex ed (I HIGHLY recommend for brothers/sisters to completely throw this class out of your schedule if you have a chance). Now back to my story.
It became a regular thing for me. I’d come home from school and just watch porn for maybe an hour everyday. Than as you get older, you start to masturbate as well. That became a regular habit. Now, Alhamdullilah the porn habit is a little bit curbed….but I still battle with the problem of masturbation.
At this point I wanted to make a bulletin which worsens the situation. Allah (SWT) has blessed me to study Islam full-time in America. Studying Islam will not necessarily cure the problem, but it sure will help. Don’t EVER think huffadh and ulema don’t get addicted to this problem. It’s actually easier for them than us laymen. My teacher used to give the example that the student of knowledge has 10 shayateen upon himself while the regular worshipper has only 1.
I realized that I have an addiction with is as equal to maybe smoking weed or some other type of substance abuse. I have made dependability upon that thing and must stop for I will have to stand in front of Allah and will have to account for my disgusting habit in one hand while doing this pure act of studying my deen in the other. I remember that at a time, I wanted to talk to a brother about my problem. So I told him and he couldn’t help me in any regard. That REALLY hurt me. I just told my deepest, darkest secret and you can’t give me any advice?! Than I told someone else, a close friend of mine. AlHamdulillah, may Allah (SWT) increase him in his knowledge and life. He was truly a solace and hope for me. He would sort of guide me through the way. I also called the Muslim Youth Helpline – http://www.ajyal.ca/ in Canada. (MuslimMatters posted on this a bit ago). MashaAllah, just being able to talk and get help for this problem was a relief for meโฆ.at the same time remaining anonymous. May Allah (SWT) increase their benefits for the Muslim Ummah. Ameen
My real problem is not pornography now, its masturbation..like i mentioned above. (Porn still plays a role in my life today, unfortunetly). I wish I could get married tomorrow to cure the problem. But than again, due to age and money factors its not happening. And I can’t come to my parents and say, “Mom, dad, can I get married so I can stop masturbating and watching porn?” So what do I do? What the Prophet (SAW) said. Fast. Yea, sure, it’s the summer months, the days are long and the nights are short. But, do you really have a choice? You have to do it for the sake of Allah. I know brothers that want to curb their sexual appetite with fasting but can’t go on w/ for more than 3-4 days. Who said you have to fast everyday? Do it every other day. If not that than every Monday and Thursday. (Don’t set your standards lower than that).
Continued….
Amad
June 1, 2008 at 11:09 AM
salam Br. Ubaydullah. That was mashallah quite an obviously sincere comment.
To be honest, I think you have done well to get yourself off the porn. Because that obviously is a big factor in the masturbation problem. Try to think of triggers that lead to your desire for masturbation. What is it that you do, hear or see that makes you want to do this? Lowering the gaze, which I know is very hard in this society, can be quite effective because usually visual stimulation is it for men.
I don’t mean to make minimize this, but if your only problem is masturbation, then inshallah you will get over it sooner or later. You will get sick of it, its a phase that many go through. Especially since you are studying Allah’s religion full-time, it is only a matter of time before you get over it.
With your parents, this is one of the issue of the communication gap. It is so difficult to talk about such topics to one’s parents. If your parents use email, that is one way of communicating without facing them. Tell them that you want to marry to save yourself from sexual sins. You don’t have to be explicit. If your parents are concerned enough about your akhira to send you to full-time Islamic studies, as they are, then they will understand this issue too.
Read this article too:
Constant Sins & Repentance: Pearls from the Sunnah
Ubaydullah - The Little Slave of Allah
June 1, 2008 at 5:59 PM
Jazakam Allahu Khayr, Br Amad. Here’s the rest of my story…For some reason this website won’t let post my whole story in one comment…
My real problem is not pornography now, its masturbation..like i mentioned above. (Porn still plays a role in my life today, unfortunetly). I wish I could get married tomorrow to cure the problem. But than again, due to age and money factors its not happening. And I can’t come to my parents and say, “Mom, dad, can I get married so I can stop masturbating and watching porn?” So what do I do? What the Prophet (SAW) said. Fast. Yea, sure, it’s the summer months, the days are long and the nights are short. But, do you really have a choice? You have to do it for the sake of Allah. I know brothers that want to curb their sexual appetite with fasting but can’t go on w/ for more than 3-4 days. Who said you have to fast everyday? Do it every other day. If not that than every Monday and Thursday. (Don’t set your standards lower than that).
Amad
June 1, 2008 at 6:43 PM
Ubaydullah, you essentially repeated yourself. Pls read my comment again inshallah…
Ubaydullah - The Little Slave of Allah
June 1, 2008 at 6:50 PM
i was trying to post my whole experience but it wouldn’t let me. ironically, that portion was the one to be posted right after.
the first paragraph i wrote now while the second i copied and pasted.
abdi
June 3, 2008 at 11:11 AM
salaam
i would just like to say to all the brothers who are struggling with this horrible disease dont give in and try to climb back out of that hole by getting close to allah.
nisa
June 4, 2008 at 5:03 PM
I was guided to this site to see what a huge problem this is after I spoke to one of the sisters abt this issue. I recently found out that my husband has been calling prostitutes for over 10 months which is when we got married. His calls last only a minute long and he gets these numbers off a website. For the past three months these calls have been around 100 calls every month. When I first found out abt these calls I broke down and called my parents. They think its a passing thing and he will get over it. I am not able to trust him at all & probably think we should seperate. I knew him for 5 years before we solemnized our marriage but never knew this side of him existed. He says he came across the site while watching it on tv a few days before we got married. When I read the above store I am completely able to relate to the wife’s point of view. I worry that he still does it behind my back. He says he was getting a kick out of calling these women and finding out how much they charged. His calls were all over the U.S and not just restricted to my city. I am not able to explain my situation to any of my family members coz they think he will be over it. My husband has started lying about a lot of small things and now I try to keep a tab on his whereabouts and his phone usage. He gets very frustrated with that telling me that I treat him like a kid. We waiting very long to marry each other and when I found this out everything seems false. There are many days that I think I suffer a severe depression for I am not able to concentrate on anything I do. He wanted me to work and his calls reached phenominal numbers when I started working three months ago. I trace his phone bill everyday and now I see he is not making any phone calls from his cell. But I worry that he has access to many different phones at his work. All the stories I have read so far have not convinced me that any one of the brothers could get over their addiction. I worry that he cant either. I dont know how to help him coz most times I am too upset and always argue abt the same situation. He refuses to go for marriage counselling with me telling me that he’s not going to do it again, but I am simply not able to trust him at all. I need help from some sister in a similar situation who was able to help her husband get over it. Our intimate relation has no flaws according to him and he says his addiction has nothing to do with me. Please help me for I cant get over my mistrust and I dont think he will ever get over it. What should I do?
ahmed
June 4, 2008 at 11:29 PM
Salam Brothers and sisters.
I a 25 year old male, a recovering addict to porn and masturbation.
It all started at about the age of 10/11, when I accidentally discovered masturbation. Back then I did not understand what I was doing and did not realise that this was haram (But I have to say, I would always do it in secret, even though I was young I had an inkling that this was wrong). Anyway I continued in this fashion for a year or two, and then I discovered porn. At first I was too embarrassed to simply walk into a shop and buy a magazine, so I would literally look in peopleโs garbage, in the hope of finding pornographic material. I remember staying awake late at night and turning on the TV once my parents slept, in order to watch late night TV which often showed soft-core porn. (I remember in shame the lengths I would go to conceal my secret, e.g. closing the door, but not completely so that I can hear approaching footsteps and hiding a pornographic video underneath a loose floorboard that was nearly discovered by my father).
It got so bad, and I felt so guilty, that one day, I was about 13 years old then, I took a brave step and confessed to my father, who was extremely supportive and gave me practical tips to my problem. It worked for a few months and my father thought he was successful, but unfortunately I relapsed and went back to my old ways.
I continued like this for a few years until about the age of 15/16 (throughout this time I always felt guilty and ashamed but continued any way), that was when the internet became mainstream. To me this was the start of a new level in watching porn, as it made it so easy, (no need for embarrassing walks in to an adult shop, and off course the ease of access and variety of porno content on the web). I started off by simply watching nude pics and downloading free video-clips (you see the porn barons are very much like drug dealers, you get your first joint for free, then you’re hooked and forced to go back to the dealer, but this time you have to pay to get the harder content). However, after about 2 yrs the free stuff simply was not enough, I needed more to quench my ever-increasing lustfulness. This was when I crossed another fence, using my credit card (a bit like a previous post).
This continued until about the age of 20. This was when it really got out of control as I started to contemplate visiting prostitutes; you see watching porn alone was not enough. Again, its like drugs, you start with cannabis and end up with crack/heroin. Again the internet made it very easy to do this, as prostitutes advertise themselves on the web on certain specialist websites. At first, like the previous post I would only call these women, it kind of gave me a kick. I would justify it to my self by saying that ‘its not haram to talk, as long as I donโt actually act on my feelings’, but yes… you guessed it, I moved on to the next level and committed Zina. After the first experience which left me feeling quite guilty, I decided to repent to Allah and stop watching porn, but once you have been addicted to something for so long itโs very easy to relapse. In fact, I started to visit prostitutes on a regular basis, justifying it to myself by saying ‘ as long as I do not engage in penetrative sex then my sin is not so great’.
After a year or two, I decided that the only way to solve my problem is to get married. Unfortunately, marriage only helped for a few months, and then I relapsed once more.
However, things changed exactly 1 year ago. As Iโm sure you have realised, this beast of an addiction has been the storey of my life, it has absolutely consumed me in every way, I have tried so many times to slay the beast, but every time I fail. Yet, something happened to me exactly one year ago that allows me to stand before this forum today, and announce that I have finally slayed this beast. In fact, today is my 1 year anniversary of victory. Like all other addicts whenever I repented I knew at the back of my mind that this will not last. 1 year ago, when I repented I came to the realisation that I cannot have this thought at the back of my mind, as it made my repentance worthless. I then sat down and brainstormed all the Ill consequences of porn; I came up with the following,
1) The most important one off course is going to HELL
2) Constantly feeling guilty and worthless
3) Constantly feeling ashamed of my self, this led to poor self-esteem and lack of confidence.
4) Wasting my precious time. Time that can be spent learning new things or simply enjoying the company of friends
5) Having to constantly lie to cover my tracks, and then to lie again to cover my previous lies, and so on
6) Sexual contact with my wife became a chore rather than something to look forward to, as I simply was no longer excited by my wife (and bless her little heart, she tries so hard to seduce me)
7) The feeling of utter emptiness after masturbating, compared to the feeling of joy when hugging my wife in bed
8) The amount of money wasted: I can honestly say that in the space of about 10 years, I blew approximately fifteen thousand pounds (ยฃ15000) on porn and prostitutes. This money could have gone to the poor, it could have gone towards my mortgage, it would have paid for about 10 holidays, or at least 4/5 visits to the holy city of Mecca.
9) The inability to do anything that would please Allah (such as read quran, or help the Muslim UMMA), as I always felt ‘what’s the point of doing a good deed, as I have committed so many disgusting sins’
10) The utter humiliation I would feel had my wife found out, not to mention the enormous amount of pain I would cause her had she found out I was watching porn and even cheated on her’.
So, how did I stop? Itโs a combination of everything really.
1) Constantly reminding myself of the 10 disadvantages outlined above (I have them stored on my organiser, and read them every day)
2) Reading quran and dua everyday, and paying charity.
3) Never staying home alone if possible
4) Praying on time
5) Going to my wife when ever I felt the desire (off course it helps that I have a wife who is very enthusiastic when it comes to sexual matters)
6) Encouraging my wife to always dress provocatively when we are at home.
Apart from these 6 points, I have a few more tips that have worked for me.
1) 1 year ago, I made a Nidhr to Allah, so that if I was to relapse I would have to fast 120 days continuously.
2) every day, I go in front of the mirror and I psyche myself up, screaming ‘NEVER’, ‘NEVER’, ‘NEVER’, over and over again, ( ‘NEVER’, as in I will ‘never’ go back to my old ways again)
3) I have a secret book that I purchased specifically for this purpose. I have marked all the dates of the year on it for the next couple of years. Next to every day I either have a tick which would represent a successful day, in other words a day I did not watch porn in, or I would have a cross, which would represent failure. Alhamdu-lilllah I now have 365 ticks, and not a single cross. I look at all these ticks every day, and it gives me a sense of achievement. I would not want to see a cross in this book, as it would symbolise a return to the old ways. Seeing that cross would seriously depress me, hence I avoid it at all cost.
I hope these tips will help. Please read dua for me as I want to continue on the right track. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. Allah is on my side. Allah is on my side. Allah is on my side.
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER
help
June 10, 2010 at 1:43 AM
salams br. ahmed,
Is there any way I can get in contact with you by email? I read your story and I would like some help. I know this is an older article, but I hope you see this message and respond
Salams.
ahmed
June 4, 2008 at 11:32 PM
A final Tip that I forgot to mention earlier, is to remember how guilty, depressed and ashamed you wil feel, after commiting the sin of watching porn or masturbating.
ahmed
June 4, 2008 at 11:49 PM
Sorry I keep remembering extra points. Alot of you will probably agree with me that you watch porn when you are bored and have free time on your hand. There is a verse in the Quran about free time and how it should be used. I also recently heard a lecture in which the Imam said that all evil comes from spare time, as this is when a human is at his most vulnerable, you have nothing to do, nothing to pre-occupy your mind, so in order to fill this void, you commit a sin such as watching porn. The message here is always occupy your mind with something useful ( read a book, visit a friend, play football/sports, start a project, watch a comedy, anything really, as long as it is not haram ) never remain idle when you have time on your hands as boredom can be your downfall, and lead you to the wrong path.
Amad
June 5, 2008 at 9:23 AM
wow Br. Ahmed. That was an absolutely amazing story and excellent advice. If you can kick a habit of years and years, since childhood, I think there should be hope for all the brothers who still have this issue. I applaud you for being a true man. May Allah help you stay sincere, and please do keep telling us as you pass one anniversary after another. Your example will be a source of encouragement to many inshallah. jazakAlahkhair
w/s
P.S. In fact, I will add your success story to the post.
nisa
June 11, 2008 at 10:34 AM
Does anyone know of a software, where I can block certain parts of a website instead of blocking the entire website? For ex I would like to keep the access to craigslist but restrict the dating part of the site? I have been trying to look for one such software.
shireen
June 15, 2008 at 3:08 AM
salams. i would like to add a suggestion.
many years ago i quit smoking weed. it was one of the most difficult things i have done. i knew it had to be cold turkey, because i learned that from smoking cigarettes which i was able to quit only after i almost died from pneumonia. so i made a solemn oath to Allah ta’ala that i would quit weed. i knew that if i made that oath that i could not break it or i would have to fast like 90 days (i am not sure but i know the punishment for breaking an oath is very hard). so alhamdolilah, at one of my very low points i made the oath and have not touched it in about 10 years.
incidentally, quitting cigarettes was the hardest addiction for me and one of the hardest things i have ever done. but it took over five years to get over the addiction. it was a struggle for years and years. about 8 or 9 years later did i feel like it was not a problem for me anymore. alhamdolilah. addictions like these are years and years in the breaking. and it must be cold turkey. i knew that it would only take one puff to ruin all my efforts, and so for years i struggled against that one puff and it is not about 13 years alhamdolilah.
when it came to quitting weed, i needed a new strategy. the only thing i could think of was making an oath. i had to build up to making the oath. it is not something you just jump into and do. it is very serious and so you treat it as any serious matter. i thought on it for a long time until i could make it with the utmost sincerity and determination. i struggled with that addiction for years too. but this time it was not fighting the ‘one puff’; it was keeping a solemn oath between me and Allah ta’ala. and alhamdolilah Allah gave me tawfeeq (so far).
also, with weed, i smoked it because i believed i was getting something out of it. i had to convince myself that i could get that ‘need’ fulfilled other ways; i could pray to Allah ta’ala to fulfill my needs from something halal instead of weed. i also had to come to complete terms with the fact that it was hurting my and my life and stop making excuses.
but addictions are life long. and there are moments in our low times when the thoughts and urges will pop out of nowhere, but they do weaken as time goes by. i do believe that these addictions are almost impossible to break. it is Allah ta’ala that gives us tawfeeq.
about 7 years after i quit weed, i went through a real traumatic time in my life when the urge to get high overcame me and i thought i was going to break down and get high again. but inshaAllah that was the last time. and it has been almost 3 years since then that i have not thought about it until now.
so, in conclusion i am saying that addictions are not easy. they take years and years to overcome. and if you have tried everything, then maybe it is time to try making an oath to Allah ta’ala that you will stay away from that addiction, and seek help, as the QUran says, in patience and prayer.
salams.
Sharif
June 15, 2008 at 12:33 PM
Salam –
One really good protection software that I’ve found is K9 Web Protection. It’s extremely simple to use, it’s 100% free, and it fulfills all of the functions that one would expect from a protection software, even better than most others for which you have to pay.
@ nisa:
Try K9. You can block categories of websites, as well as entire web addresses (whole websites, or parts of websites). You can also make exceptions to blocked categories the same way.
It’s available for both PC and Mac.
Alhamdulillah, I hope that helps.
Cath
June 16, 2008 at 10:15 AM
SeeNoEvil is good too.
It protects my children as well.
SeeNoEvil.com
nisa
June 17, 2008 at 5:07 PM
The problem here is that it is not me who is addicted. My husband gave up smoking 5 years ago..and recently with his new found job and new friends he started smoking again. He has made me many promises with the name of Allah and has still broken them. He hid from me that he has been smoking for the past 4 months now. He has been making these phone calls since December and when I found out on May 1st he said he will not do it again, but I dont believe that…if he can break his promises on lil things how can I ever trust him on the big things? We are fighting every single day, I am in a miserable condition and most of the times I think the only way out for me to relieve me of this stress is divorce. But then again we come from a society where divorces are not so easy and moreova it has been only a year since we are married. His actions hurt me very deeply and I dont know if I will ever be able to move on with this burden. I look at it as if he has cheated me even though he says he did not touch any other woman.
Kareem
June 29, 2008 at 7:05 PM
Sharif,
There has been a lot of research on internet filters. The ones that work are the ones that can’t be disabled like the ones offered by Christian groups.
The problem with K9 is that it may be good for your kids but not for you, the one who has the password.
Most people on this forum are not ones looking for flters for their kids, but an internet filter for their kids and themselves.
Jamil
June 29, 2008 at 7:19 PM
From my experience, here is what you need to overcome your addiction:
1) A desire from the depth of your heart to break this addiction. This involves repentance and asking God for help
2) Keep the ayat in the Quran in mind, “Don’t even go near zina.” It is a slippery slope that takes you to viewing porn on the internet. Hence be watchful, mindful of what you watch on the internet. Watching porn is zina of the eyes.
3) You need a filter that can;t be turned off i.e. you need to call the filter company in order to disable it. There are several internet filters that offer “no password override option” e.g Safe Eyes, HedgeBuilders.
4) Some Christian filter companies even offer DSL internet that is filtered at the root.
Here are some of the filters that have the “no password override” option.
http://hedgebuilders.com/
http://www.internetsafety.com/safe-eyes/
http://www.afo.net/
http://bsafehome.com/
Sharif
June 30, 2008 at 3:09 AM
@ Kareem,
Unfortunately that is true. My point was that some people could have the password kept by someone who knows about their problem.
Sharif
June 30, 2008 at 3:13 AM
By the way, I think that this post shows how important it is for parents to monitor their children’s internet activity. Again, for that purpose, you can’t go wrong with K9 :)
Ridwan
July 3, 2008 at 10:09 PM
Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Raheem,
Software won’t work, to overcome this addiction you must have patience, and make things a little easy on yourself by not ever using the computor.
Sharif
July 16, 2008 at 12:08 AM
I found this and thought that I would post this here. It’s a clip from a lecture by Anwar al-Awlaki about supporting brothers/sisters who are fighting addictions. http://www.islamictube.net/watch/7808746e9bb832a6fa4b/islamicvideo.html
Subhanallah, that is one of the beautiful things I find about the MM, is that they support each other and help each other, rather than waging out assaults and criticisms (which we see far too often) against each other. There is a true sense of brotherly/sisterly love and understanding. Alhamdulillah for MM!
EdAbdAlGhafur
July 24, 2008 at 1:55 AM
For those struggling with p/mb addiction, please visit http://www.no-porn.com. Click on forum, then click on support board. Then register as a member (its anonymous). After registering, click on accountability circles, and then click on Muslim Accountability Circle. We’ve started a Muslim support board for p/mb addicts. This is one way we can support each other in the struggle to live up to our deen.
Ridwan
July 29, 2008 at 12:16 AM
Way of the Salaf
June 13, 2007
Dispraise of al hawwa by Ibn al qayyim
Filed under: Tasawwuf โ wayofthesalaf @ 12:07 am
Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullaahu taโala) said:
-Edited: Br. Ridwan, can you please provide the link to the text inshallah… as a comment, this is far too long…
Ridwan
July 29, 2008 at 12:23 AM
You have to fight brothers…you have to FIGHT!
Willy Coopers
July 31, 2008 at 5:55 AM
Your article is really impressive. I will read it again. I hope to see more of these kind of articles. You really write from the heart and it makes good sense.
Salih
August 20, 2008 at 9:33 AM
Salam alaykum,
I’m writing this after a long and horrible addiction with internet porn websites (lasting about seventeen years). My addiction perhaps would not have happened if I hadn’t met brothers who had told me that internet porn was a halal and safe way for a single guy to fulfill desire without recourse to illicit sex. But, the problem was, I became hooked and even after marriage and four lovely kids I still wasted hours and hours of my time. As a computer consultant I regularly travel to Europe and so have had endless nights just sitting in front of the laptop in hotel rooms and wasting my time visiting sex sites.
The addiction almost got me visiting European brothels, but Allah prevented me from that. My feet went to brothels, but Allah took Kindness on me and I’m so happy to say that I always went to the wrong place or I ended up with the wrong telephone number. Yes, had it not been for the grace of Allah, I would have been a very sinful person indeed.
I felt bad about it, but always had an inkling that Allah would forgive me from the bottom of my heart.
Some time ago, my life was going through a bad patch and I just felt enough was enough and so threw all DVDs and recorded porn into the dustbin and deleted all of my password protected porn files. I prayed to Allah and He has turned my life around. Yes, dear brothers and sisters my whole life has been transformed. I didn’t know how much the internet and DVD masterbation was destroying my material as well as spiritual life. Materially, my career has gone from strength to strength as I now can devote all of my attention to my work. My family have also benefitted as I think about them more and play with my kids and I forced myself to spend longer time in the bedroom and think of my wife, this was inspired by the practise of our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w. I have since learnt that sex doesn’t just depend on how big certain body parts are. It’s about warmth, kindness and gentle talking and foreplay too. It’s two people coming together -not two animals coming together. I shudder when I think of what I used to watch quite happily and then go and perform Salat, pray and quietly return to the naked people on the computer screen..
Don’t get me wrong, I still get the urges to look at women in the shopping mall or to have a peek at websites, but I just don’t do this anymore. The pleasure I get from controlling my feelings is greater than the pleasure of watching dirty porn or staring at women. When I’m outside , many women wear perfume and sexy clothes that make me want to really look at them, but then I breathe in and think of Allah. I don’t look. It is important for you to know that my cravings for women are still there, but I don’t give in. So what has helped me to a porn-free life?
It was muraqbah and meditation on Allah and the Qur’an that has made the difference. (Allah truly has helped me with His Help for which I am so thankful) I do a lot of muraqbah and fill my heart up with Allah and the spirtual worlds. When I go to sleep, I see more wonderful images, and when I do Muraqbah I feel lovely feelings and colours and lights. I think this may be because I have also stopped fantasizing about sex, which I would do often. It also means that just because you have been a bad person doesn’t mean that you can’t have spiritual experiences once you sincerely repent.
(Oh, and my face has changed too. People say that I have ‘nur’ on my face. But I’m very embarrassed to tell them of my past. My wife doesn’t know of my past and I see no reason why I should dwell on my past)
If I had known about the great effects of not going into porn, I would have left it years ago. But the past is the past. If a person like me can do without porn, I’m sure anybody can. People sometimes forget that Allah does indeed help everyone.
Well, this is my story and I hope inshallah it inspires others to do the same. My only advice to you all is that porn isn’t a good thing to get addicted to. When I left porn, my life has transformed so much for the better. Inshallah please pray that i continue with my new llife. I’m really loving my life at the moment and I can’t stop thanking Allah, the Glorious Merciful Great Helper. Ameen.
Amad
August 20, 2008 at 10:00 AM
Br Salih, that was an inspiring story. JazakAllahkhair for sharing.
jeanX
August 20, 2008 at 6:27 PM
There’s more testosterone in men.That’s the reason they’re ‘addicted’ to porn.I find it sad when wives don’t understand it or the men don’t even consider it an option.That’s the reason several ex-politicos have met their downfall.
It should be a celebration of life instead of an addiction.
Ghayasudeen
August 21, 2008 at 6:18 AM
Wow Saleh!
Your story is so inspiring. You’re right that there is more pleasure and blessings in NOT watching
porn. I hope inshallah it inspires others to follow you. JeanX, the difficulty with your point of view is that
it legitimizes a whole series of activities which can become addictive. It’s like saying to people who are obese ‘It’s OK for you to
carry on eating as you’ve got a slower metabolism’. Islam is about self discipline. It doesn’t say ‘don’t enjoy sex’,
it says ‘restrict it’. Those who do, don’t suffer, but enjoy a better life as Saleh has written so beautifully about.
Saleh, which form of Muslim Meditation do you follow? (ie Murakba)?There are two sites I’ve found that have helped me
in the past:
http://nurmuhammad.com/Meditation/Mainmeditationmuraqabah.htm
and
http://www.ulhaqbrothers.com
It has really good meditation sections
Ridwan
August 21, 2008 at 7:05 PM
This is a Sufi practice. Beware of invotions and straying off the right path…brothers stick to Quran and Sunnah! and beware of inovations!
The Messenger (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) also warned against the People of Innovation, from befriending, supporting or taking from them saying: “Whoever innovates or accommodates an innovator then upon him is the curse of Allaah, His Angels and the whole of mankind.” Reported by Bukhaaree (12/41) and Muslim (9/140)
And he (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) also said: “ย and every innovation is misguidance and all misguidance is in the Hellfire.” Reported by an-Nasaa’ee (1/224) from Jaabir bin Abdullaah and it is saheeh as declared by Shaikh ul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah in Majmoo’ ul-Fataawaa (3/58).
Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr
Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: There will befall my Ummah exactly (all those) evils which befell the people of Isra’il, so much so that if there was one amongst them who openly committed fornication with his mother there will be among my Ummah one who will do that, and if the people of Isra’il were fragmented into seventy-two sects my Ummah will be fragmented into seventy-three sects. All of them will be in Hell Fire except one sect. They (the companions) said: Allah’s Messenger, which is that? Whereupon he said: It is one to which I and my companions belong.
Transmitted by Tirmidhi.
Ridwan
August 21, 2008 at 7:06 PM
What im reffering to is Murakba.
Barul Islam
August 22, 2008 at 9:52 AM
Brother Ridwan,
Sufi’s are Muslims and Muraqabah is good for strengthening Iman. In this day and age, instead of arguing
about who is right or wrong, let’s strengthen our faith by working together. Great Sufis like Ibn Al-Arabi, Shaykh Abdul Qadir
Jilani and Maulana Rumi did great things for islam.
Don’t get off topic brother. The topic here is porno addiction, and a lot of brothers have found solace in Sufism.
I’m not a Sufi myself, but I know many Sufis and they are good brothers who pray Namaz five times a day and
do zikr a lot.
If they help people get over porn, what is the problem?
Barul
Ummah2ummah
Watcher
August 24, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Marakaba is bidaa and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) (aka satanic hypnotic brainwashing) is A-OK? sad.
OldKashmiri
September 9, 2008 at 7:10 AM
Salam alaikum,
What you must understand that porn is used as a ‘drug’. Therefore it is the void that needs filling. Muraqbah and zikr can fill that void as it is a pleasant way of remembering Allah. According to science, when your mind is focussed, it can produce dopameine, the same chemical that gives pleasure in sex. So yes, Muraqbah is a great way to stop pornographic engagements.
Sister
October 10, 2008 at 4:02 PM
Assalamu’alaykum,
I would recommend this
: http://throughtheflame.org
This website is dedicated to providing support for two groups of people, those who are struggling to overcome pornography addiction, and the family and friends who care for them.
I am a wife whose husband is a porn addict.
I find Throughtheflame.org is very helpful in the sense that you would need a very strong environment that knows what you are trying to deal with, and can give you positive support, reinforcement, tips, personal inspirational stories on daily basis, reminder of motivation along the way.
Pornography DOES hurt people.
If you are those who’ve been hurt, know that you are not alone…
It is very much easier to go through the pain with the ones who experience it too.
May Allah strengthen every of His slave who sincerely comes to Him, and pledges not to go back to the dark sin…
Pingback: The Secret Life of Husbands (Sex & the Muslim Ummah) | MuslimMatters.org
Anon
November 11, 2008 at 9:30 PM
Thank you so much to the brothers and sisters who contributed this. inshallah it will help me, I intend to come back and read this over many days to help remind me of why I want to stop. there was so much that was helpful that I cannot begin to cite quotes and say “this was ESPECIALLY helpful” simply because it was like a wake up call. I would really like to become active in some sort of forum or support group, is there any that brothers can recommend? again, thank you to those who wrote this article and inshallah everything will work out for us.
lahss
November 12, 2008 at 12:04 AM
http://npsupport.net/community/viewforum.php?f=34
Sister
November 12, 2008 at 3:47 AM
Salam alayk brother Anon,
I would (again :)) recommend http://throughtheflame.org/forum, it has been hugely helpful for me and my husband alhamdulillah.
Also, to MuslimMatters editor / author, could I possibly ask for sister Aya’s contact information?
As a wife of a porn addict I can deeply understand the feeling of hurt and pain involved.
Maybe it would benefit both of us if we could talk and share.
I thank you in advance,
and may Allah reward your help and bless your efforts.
This really helps...trust me!!
February 6, 2009 at 2:02 AM
USE K9 WEB PROTECTION
Download here: [url]http://www.download.com/K9-Web-Protection/3000-2162_4-10487710.html?tag=mncol[/url]
Steps to be taken:
1) Install it to your computer
2) Choose to block porn and related sites.
3) Choose to block additional sites which you don’t want to visit.
4) Set up a long random password and give that password to someone who you trust. Tell them not to give you the password again unless it is for emergency and good things.
This is the step I took as I gave the password to one of my relative (who I trust) and told him to keep the password and do not tell me unless I want it for a good purpose. I did not even tell him what this password is for.
This really helps...trust me!!
February 6, 2009 at 2:06 AM
Download it from the link below
http://www.download.com/K9-Web-Protection/3000-2162_4-10487710.html?tag=mncol
This really helps...trust me!!
February 6, 2009 at 2:11 AM
DOWNLOAD K9 WEB PROTECTION from here:
http://www.download.com/K9-Web-Protection/3000-2162_4-10487710.html?tag=mncol
Use it to block porn and other offensive websites.
Set up long random password and give it to someone you trust and tell him/her not to tell you the password unless for emergency and good purpose that you need it for.
that’s what i did!!
mahmm
March 26, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Those who are still addicted to porno.Think carefully, do not denigrate yourself. Honor yourself. BE A MAN. Have some self esteem and dignity. If you keep thinking, you can’t quit. Then its become harder and harder. If you want to quit some thing , no matter how hard it seems to be you can do it. But, at first determine whether you really want to quit this bad habit or making some wishy washy attempts.Quitting of some bad habit becomes difficult, when you don’t have 100% will to do that. Evaluate yourself honesty. Don’t make yourself weak and don’t procrastinate that you will quit it later. JUST QUIT IT.
BE A MAN NOT A WEAK COWARD.
A MUSLIM WANTS REAL THING . NOT SOME PIXELS MOVING IN A MACHINE IN FRONT OF YOU.
MAKE STRONG NIYAH. BE STRONG. YOU CAN DO IT.
May allah make it easier for all of us to keep away from fitnas of nafs, eyes, hands, mouth, ears, private parts…. Ameen
maasalam.
Muslim
April 4, 2009 at 11:31 PM
Alhumdullilah, this website has a lot of literature on pornography addiction, which is excellent for those addicted pornography. I will also suggest for those who are and are not addicted to porn to read the following book: Pornified: How Pornography is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families by Pamela Paul. This book was endorsed by Sh. Hamza Yusuf. It expands upon the issues and effects of pornography addiction in further detail.
Abdullah
May 4, 2009 at 5:29 PM
Asalamualaikum wrt wb,
All praise be to Allah.
Here are some helpful points inshallah:
1.) If you fall into this sin, punish yourself by requiring yourself to pay a certain amount of money in charity. The sooner you can do this after the sin, the better. Make an oath if you have to, such as, “By Allah, every time I commit this sin, I will pay $100 in charity. ” The more you give, the better. Keep the link to a beneficial Islamic charity nearby. Good deeds cancel out the evil ones. This charity will extinguish the anger of Allah, inshallah, and help break your addiction.
2.) Imagine if it was your daughter, or sister, or mother, feel disgusted about it. Promise yourself to change, using the above method.
3.) Stay away from places where there are lots of women, such as malls, campuses (as much as you can), streets, and seek refuge in Allah from looking at them.
I know people who this method has worked for. Finally, I ask Allah to keep us chaste, and provide for us lawful means to fulfill our desires, and may He enrich you with his halal and save you from haram.
And Allah knows best.
EAsa
May 13, 2009 at 3:27 PM
TO THE MEN WHO HAVE VISITED PROSTITUTES.
YOU MUST GET YOURSELF CHECKED FOR STDS AS YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR WIVES/FUTURE WIVES AT RISK!!!
SHAME ON YOU !!!!!!!!!!!
randombro
June 25, 2009 at 4:09 AM
ticks in the agenda work wonders.
muslim sister
July 1, 2009 at 9:48 PM
Jazakum Allahu khairan
My ex-husband’s porn/internet sex relationship addiction helped destroy our marriage and continues to impact our kids.
Brothers, your kids know what you are doing. I cover by saying he is looking for a new wife, but they know what he is doing is wierd.
This is a serious issue. These are the shayatin entering our homes and destroying our families.
Plus, a lot of these women are married! They are real people. They have husbands. How would you like one of their husbands to find out and come looking for you and your family!
There are even more unbelievably sick things going on as well – sexual abuse, incest, kiddie porn, etc. videotaped and put on the internet that become objects of desire and sexual satisfaction.
Remember – these are real people on the other end. You are facilitating not only your corruption, but the corruption of all those involved.
Every time you are tempted, imagine that you are climaxing for the shaytan!
Imagine if you meet Allah SWT while you are doing those acts.
These are dangerous addictions for the person and for all impacted.
Alhamdulillah the muslim community is starting to address this. It is not a minor issue. May Allah protect us and our children. Jazakum Allahu khairan.
Yaseen
July 17, 2009 at 2:05 AM
This article is really going to encourage me to quit for good instead of thinking that looking at porn is a cycle. Three days ago i broke the one month mark of not looking at porn (31 days). today i got on and decided to look at porn with absolutely no thought. i was 34 days and strong. I was trying to break my record of 36 days (only reason it was so long because went out of the country, and even there was tempted by the nasty pictures in the market but was sourrounded by a muslim ummah, which helped. It made me feel guilty whenever i had thoughts of women around my extended family) but failed. i usually last 18 days before looking at porn. I dont think im addicted but i do think iam involved in a cycle.
BlaBla
November 3, 2009 at 9:00 PM
The last time I checked, masturbation is very safe and healthy. So what’s the big deal?
S
November 10, 2009 at 3:48 PM
it’s not “safe” and “healthy” if people addicted to porn are hurting their loved ones..how is an addiction healthy? how is it healthy that some of these men have wives..a legitimate source of intimacy yet they crave for porn!!!
For some its a case of a lapse of faith has led to a bad habit that has escalated and gone totally out of control and for others it maybe a more serious matter.
As someone whose fairytale romance led to a shockingly abusive marriage ive been led to counseling and also research and it appears that people who have “narcissistic personality disorder” tend to have addictions to pornography and masturbation. These people are the least likely to admit they have a problem and happily project blame onto others.
Alhamdulillah many bro’s who have written of their struggles accept responsibilty for their wrongs and feel bad so inshaAllah they will be helped and the Most Merciful wil forgive the sins.
As for those with the personality disorder, they nee to firstly admit their sins!! Then they need professional counselling and its a loooong road ahead but anyone dealing with such a person should help steer them in that direction towards professional help in order to avoid them self-destructing and runining other people’s lives too.
Ghuraba
November 20, 2009 at 3:40 AM
“is not a major sin in and of itself (for example like actual zina), and as long as one repented and felt guilty it would not come under the rule รขโฌหa habitual minor sin becomes a major sinรขโฌโข”
I’m sorry I do not agree with this one bit. It’s like those rare sheikhs who call pornography okay because it’s through pictures/video – not ”real zina”
Zina – Isn’t necessarily adultery (stone you to death as you deserve), it includes ALL KINDS of fornication.
Starting with Zina of the eyes and then zina of hands.
The Qur’an tells us to guard our privateparts and lower our gaze EXCEPT from our wives “and those right hand posesses bla bla”
Speaking as an ex-addict inshallah, I happened to tell my fiance of this and she rightly responded the way any concerned otherhalf would have. She wouldn’t speak to me for days or cut the idea of marriage.
I got the addiction following a period of depression and pressure from highschool……even pressure from ‘Muslims” who would say it’s better to do this than to commit actual fornication
Are you really going to end up doing actual fornication???? There are many things going wrong for you to end up sleeping with someone in the first place-
Idle Communication, not lowering gaze – something which no one will object to if you live in the West, but still, depending on how you grew up and were raised…..something not so easy to do if you’re a Muslim with a realworld sense of modesty.
It’s not like you’re as likely to jump in bed with someone haraam as easily as you’d abuse the net…..which is soo readily available and easy to hide, is it?
There’s really NO justification for this whatsoever….
-This is a habit which NONMUSLIMs are suffering from because of the loose values they are raised up in, values which break up their marriages. Or make them not believe in marriage in the first place…
The way I came to stop was from many of the tips above…also from the shame and guilt ofcourse.
-The depression caused afterwards
-The need to shower after the act, missing prayers and so much time wasted because of the act
-The fact that it’s just an illusion – you just want to get over with it…whether you spend a few minutes or an hour trying to …stimulate yourself…..in the end you just want a release and how do you look? You’re alone and even your body FEELS WEIRD – there’s no sense of relaxation or happiness – you KNOW it’s wrong, that person on the image is NOT your spouse – this wasn’t MUTUAL lovemaking.
-How would you like for your own wife to do this? You actually would show empathy for this behaviour and think it would never lead to any problems? Think again.
Many of the serious sideeffects:
-Can lead to paedophilia, homosexuality if not worse…
How? I haven’t done any research….my fiancee told me and although I wouldn’t agree in my own mind – the idea is that…..since this is an addiction where you NEVER get satisfied, you may very well end up looking for OTHER SOURCES of ‘pleasure’.
-Charity to expiate for your sins. You have to feel like a criminal, this is never justified. — Yes, living in the West one could come up with a thousand reasons to justify it…..as we know there’re a million forums out there where Western individuals may show guilt over it, only to be quickly titled as being prudes or weird and then told
” it’s natural” – natural???
Satanic invention of the West – How is this natural? Does pornography grow on trees?
-Dangers of becoming numb:
This is again an example of how you could end up becoming MORE messed up. Once you don’t feel satisfied from one kind of media you could indeed go for other sources, be it online or real life practice. Your own moral barrier just keeps getting lowered – and although people may not agree, many rapists/stalkers probably are those who’ve had an addiction from their early teens..- objectifying women as mere flesh. Once you become numbed out, there’s NOTHING SPECIAL about intimacy anymore. No wonder nonMuslims cheat so much on their spouses, nowonder their marriages are failing, – they have NO concept of modesty and in return they get numbed out brains, never being satisfied and just caught in one new source for stimuli after another.
A very helpful lecture I listened to was, well I can’t find it at the moment. Maybe someone can point it out if they remember this description? A brother whose emphasis was on
never giving up on seeking repentence – the best amongst sinners is he who repents straight after sinning. It’s from shaitan when you think that ”are you going to ask for forgiveness now? After sinning again?, Give up, no point’
‘ He also mentioned terms like ‘ super muttaqi :) there was also this story about a handicapped brother who suffered from some condition making his bones superfragile – this brother didn’t live beyond his mid 20s or so, always bedridden, unable to complete highschool, any hopes of completing school and getting happily married crushed. Yet he didn’t frown over it, he did online dawa as much as he could and wrote some comic book So the idea is that you are not NOT going to give up on stopping – you can quit, even if it may seem superhard. You have to keep trying and eventually you will stop inshallah.
However….this shouldn’t mean that it’s okay to continue with this even if one repents right like a million times, you should earnestly try to quit everytime you re-repent after all there’s a limit to how much of a hypocrite you can be…..
Which leads me to the final lecture which helped me really come to terms with this.
Let’s remind ourselves, this is not a ”minor sin” – Zina of eyes + zina of hands + the possible evil addictions and problems that this can lead to..
The idea is that even if we consider ourselves ”more saved” than ‘The Kuffar’, even if we believe in taubah, a sin such as this…..if repeated, despite repentance is a MAJOR SHIRK. (The worst, unforgivable sin in Islam)
Because you keep going back to it, it’s as if it’s become your God, and Satan loves that you keep returning to this, your weakness. It doesn’t matter if you have a beard and do all the rest if he can make you keep doing this ONE sin.
Watch this lecture to follow what I mean. This one habit can very well lead you to HELL. It’s not even about fearing that you’ll upset a spouse anymore, it’s about YOUR AKHIRAH.
http://www.halaltube.com/nouman-ali-khan-is-there-hope-for-one-who-commits-zina
(Yes, no more innocent arguments that you’re ”not actually ‘forincating-fornicating’ – it’s a sexual addiction in eithercase and it can easily lead to world of evils’)
Ending with the Quote Brother Noman tells us in his lecture:
”The number one problem which the prophet pbuh feared for his ummah – was not war, wmd or any of the sort. It was WOMEN.”
Keep BUSY (productive activities, help out, charity, study), fast to cool passion….and when you can – Marry ASAP (for the right reasons…not just flesh…)
May Allah guide us to MODESTY and enable us to LOWER OUR GAZE, Ameen.
she-ra
January 23, 2010 at 4:51 PM
thank you brother as one who has been involved in this sin for BEING A MAN AND AN HONEST ONE AT THAT for pointing out “there is NO JUSTIFICATION”…So many men blame their mariage or even worse their totally loving,giving wife and cruelly spin the whole problem on to anyone but themselves…but as you said, each person is fully and undeniably responsible for his own actions..so there definitely is NO JUSTIFICATION!! Also it is true..the porno leads to other worse acts like paedophilia,homosexuality and even hooking up with strangers offline for anonymous sexual encounters!! Allah help those who want to be helped and grant them guidnace enough to make them ashamed and seeked repetance before it is too late. Allah is most merciful as any on this thread have repeated and provided hope for those who want to stop, but for those who do this things behind the wifes back and then get exposed…they need to apologise sincerely to the spouse they cheated on, this is a form of infidelity whether its online porn, flirting or “casual sexual acts” with strangers.. ots cheating and you need to ask the one you cheat for her forgiveness whether she stays and helps you get through or walks away..no matter how hard,its better to deal with our wrongs and seek forgiveness in this world rather than the herafter!!! the thought of the hereafter alone should prevent us going down this dirty paths ??
Salim
December 5, 2009 at 3:27 AM
Salam,
If you are a Muslim and you want to stop viewing porn, or if you know anyone who fits that description, then check out Muslims Against Porn.
This initiative is primarily aimed at Muslims, and it provides tools and resources to assist in recovery from pornography addiction.
Jazakumullah khayr, and may Allah free the ummah from this affliction.
Some more Advice...
December 11, 2009 at 2:04 PM
asalam alaikum
My opinions:
The causes for the hate for Intimate Relations with your Partner:
One of the harmful effects commonly mentioned for porn and masturbation is that; Sometimes you don’t actually want to get involved in intimate relations with your partner because you don’t enjoy it as much as your fantasy experience. You don’t enjoy it because you want to reach orgasm at the time of your own choice, whether that is quick or late. Sometimes you finish quicker [through masturbation], so doing it with the partner becomes a chore or a duty which burdens you, and if they try to stimulate you – you might not get the perfect erection (because you require more stimulus than the ‘average’ experience at home). And if the right amount of erection does occur, then he might finish quicker than her. This causes embarrassment and anxiety, so the person feels like they can’t be bothered, which in turn causes the wife to become frustrated because she’s offered herself to him, but he’s ‘pushed/thrown her away’ / rejected her i.e. hasn’t given her the value she deserves. So she asks herself “why am i living with a man like this, who doesn’t even value me?” this is the first step leading to divorce and breaking of families.
So know; the more you see the fawahish (shameful things), the less sensitive you get to them, and the less likely you’ll get erection = closer to breaking up your home.
Once I was on Yahoo answers, and someone was suicidal. They said they just watched porn all day, and ate, and slept. He wanted to kill himself. We learn from this that he didn’t taste true joy in life through doing something, which he thought he would taste true joy from. You actually feel thirsty, but your thirst is never quenched. You’re drinking boiling water to quench your thirst!
A technique which is powerful to stop yourself from masturbation; When you’re in the situation of watching the video; Imagine that someone you fear (i.e. your dad, or wife, or your child who understands the world) is about to walk in any second and watch what you’re doing, imagine that the volume of what you’re watching is REALLY loud. Then suddenly, they open the door in a rush, and hear sounds from your screen. “What’s that you watching?” They rush towards the screen, and you can’t do anything about it… (if you think you can quickly shut the site off, they’ll simply ask; “What was that sound?”)
Imagine the dread that will overcome you at that moment. What are the answers you’ll give them? Have you actually got any justifiable answers at all? What will be the effect of this in your life permanently after this, amongst those who are close to you?
If Allah has hidden your sin, ask Him to hide it for you. Don’t tell others about it. And tell Allah that you want Him to conceal it so that you’re not shamed, and that He helps you to get over this habit because you don’t like being shamed and humiliated infront of Him, and by those who have respect for you.
You get Senile Quicker; You actually get senile alot more earlier. 1) Because you can’t get erection as much, due to you being less sensitive to seeing ‘basic sexuality’ (you probably have more complex fantasies right now.) 2) The more you masturbate [which you probably do a few times a day] – this will actually tire your body out, and also make you impotent alot quicker. Why? Imagine the majority of old people who get impotent, why is this? It’s because they’ve had their fair share of sexual activity, and if it’s in excess – your body will have exhaused itself overall at an earlier age.
What if i’ve become Impotent (because of continuous masturbation)?
Some people think they’ve done these acts for so long, that they’ve actually become impotent [erectile dysfunction.] They feel sad and remorseful over what they used to do in the past, and they don’t really know how to live their marriage life. They might even repent to Allah, but ask Allah to cure them so they can fulfill their duties to their partner.
Solution:
1) Make du’a to Allah to cure you so that you can fulfill your duty to your partner. Also eat healthy foods like meat, do exercise etc. to increase body strength.
2) Ask your partner to stimulate you in the way YOU will get excited, they should be willing to because they are your partner, and they know that this is what marriage is all about.
3) Don’t stress yourself out, this actually makes it harder to get erection. Fantasise and feel your partner abit which might aid in getting an erection. And if the partner takes longer to get excited, then stimulate them first so that you’re erection doesn’t die out. Keep a balance between you’re erection and they’re excitement – so both are in a state of excitement at similar stages.
4) Once you penetration occurs, the erection may not be a strong ‘bone’, but if its enough to enter into the partner – that’s good. Now you can start fantasising more to keep the erection firm, and the more you move, the stronger it should get.
5) If you feel that you will ‘finish’ or ‘come’ quicker than the partner, slow down abit, but suddenly divert your attention away from the fantasy for a little while to remove the feeling, and when the ‘finish’ feeling is abit more relaxed, then continue the rhythm, and if you feel you’re going to lose erection again – started to fantasise once more. Do this until the partner finishes [has orgasm] before you, so that you feel a halaal accomplishment, and then you can finish in your partner, in a way you desire – without feeling that you’re going to orgasm before your partner.
hmm
December 11, 2009 at 5:43 PM
W.Salaam Bro “Some more advice”
You seem to start off on the right track and then your advice turns into a detailed way of how to do “IT”! And somewhere you say “Ask your partner to stimulate you in the way YOU will get excited, they should be willing to because they are your partner, and they know that this is what marriage is all about”…
really??? Marriage is ALL about sexual stimulation????
Are/were you a porn addict? I ask with respect in all seriousness with no offence intended.
I totally agree and apreciate that you realise what a huge home-wrecker porn addiction is and you are absolutely right that people into porn dont like to be intimate with their partners because of the porn induced fantasies the have…but then surely to advise on how to maintain an erection and how to get your partner to please you are not the main points to tackle.
The most important issues are firstly to advice that one stops watching porn, realises the way its poisoning your mind and affecting your body and really make a firm effort to stay away from the filth and feel absolute remorse for the sins commited! Allah is most mercifull, He will forgive a sincere remorseful soul.
If your wife knows about your vice you should also apologise and beg for her forgivness especially as most wives in these cases cover the sins of their husbands. They take for real the ayah ” they are your covering and you are their covering”!!!
If roles were reversed how many men would forgive and never mention this crime of his wife?
But we see above some wives who have written in here and on other islamic advice sites, they try to help their husbands or turn a blind eye so as not to humiliate…how many men would do that and be her covering??or be that mercifull?men should appreciate the huge implications this evil vice has on their marriages and the lives of others!!
If you marry someone you should be prepared to demonstrate the same respect and loyalty to your spouse as you would like them to have for you! You should not be up to secret sins of any kind and if you are it refelects on yourself, not your spouse.
If honest values are sincerely upheld in the marriage, there will be fireworks in the bedroom!!!
A happy marriage does not depend on good sex!
Good sex depends on a happy marriage and a happy marriage depends on true love..which encompasses compassion,mercy, respect,friendship,loyalty and faithfulness.
Most guys get into this addiction before marriage and get married expecting a miracle cure… this addiction doesnt flick off like a switch. Guys need reflect on their souls and seek guidnace to truly connect with their Creator and get off this nasty path of destruction. For some an addiction like this can be linked with a personality/mental disorder for which they need professional help!
Brothers need to be clean for their own sake, the sake of their wives and families or future wives and families but most importantly for the Allah. Just imagine facing Him in the Herafter as an addict of porn and mastubation!!! How we spend our lives is how we will die and raised up on the Day of Reckoning
Is that not enough to scare any of us????
A ..........MUSLIM
July 7, 2011 at 12:41 AM
I dont know who u r but u hv said exactly da right thing! i am very thankful 2 u coz u hv wrotten everything so nicely & also mentoned some points which didnt come 2 my head??
I hope people will get benefited by what u hv wrotten……actually ‘shaytan’ is our greatest enemy,,actually shaytan is da 1 &only our enemy, he influences us 2 do da bad… only da fear of allah, with da suggestion of prophet Mohammad (sallallahu alaihe wa sallam) we can get rid of these evil deeds..
New generation is suffering da most..coz they r not praying all da prayers,,they r nt reading Quran daily,,it seems that they hv been swept away 4m all da muslim behaviours!!
We should do something 4 them,,something 4 us,,we need a great change…2 get back da glorious days of muslims,,,it gives me so much pain when i see da muslims doing evilssss,,
when i do bad things—saying ‘GIBAT’,hurting them who hv hurted us,,telling lies & so onnn
why cant we forgive? why cant we tell da truth all da time!!!
We fear about powerful people,,powerful country’america’! ….but what about da most powerful ALLAH??…what do we think that allah is nt watching?? or allah will nt harm us??
by da way i spent my time thinking always about these things…we need a great change…da condition of muslims is very bad..
HOW 2 RECOVER IT??
Random Person
December 31, 2009 at 5:48 PM
Salam alaikum, Hello everyone,
I also have one little tip that will help you along the way:
There is a Free program called Blue Coat K9 Web Protection
It will help you block haram websites and unsafe search engines.
Just to clarify there is no spyware or anything bad in the program :P
Wa alaikum asalam.
Megan Wyatt
January 14, 2010 at 9:53 PM
Bismillah
I think this is the right place to tell everyone about a new website that has just been launched for Muslim men addicted to pornography. I put it up as the URL link, but here it is again: http://www.imancipate.com
The concept is the combination of the word “iman” meshed with the word “emancipate” – to be free.
I pray it serves as a resource and support for recovery for other good practicing Muslim brothers who have fallen into the snares of this addiction.
Marc Quinn
February 4, 2010 at 4:07 AM
I know the shame and the stigma associated with porn addiction – I used to be an addict. I think it’s only when someone gets present to the impact it’s having on their lives, they realize that it’s destroying everything. It nearly destroyed everything for me.
I’m starting a website to talk about my own addiction to pornography – http://mypornaddictionstory.com – and how I’ve found a way to gain freedom through seeing what was going on underneath the story. I will be providing video content so that people have someone to relate to while they go through this.
I hope it can begin to help those addicted to move beyond their addiction.
anon
February 4, 2010 at 8:57 AM
can someone please answer…can porn addiction lead a man/woman married/umarried to become interested and involved in homosexuality? prostitutes? anonymous sex with strangers they have sought out from unwholesome sites online?
anon
February 4, 2010 at 9:22 AM
Someone else up there mentioned this also ….are we correct in believing pornography could the root to further evils of this kind? ofcourse being into this stuff causes the sneaking around and lying and missing of prayers are but also activities such as those mentioned above?
Some of the previous addicts have mentioned, the more they watch the more they lower the moral barrier and “cross lines” and they become so desensitised by the grossness that “normal” sex would fail to satisfy them… would a muslim be able to cross such huge lines…and be involved in the above sorts of vices?
H
February 6, 2010 at 1:08 PM
A Godfearing and selfrespecting muslim would not cross such serious lines.
A Godfearing, selfrespecting muslim on the outside, but lacking shame, fear of God and modesty on the inside and too weak and selfish…yes…would cross such huge lines.
sorry Anon! Some may experiment and be blessed with the ability to feel shame and remorse, they repent and try their best to never go down such paths again..like some bros on this page who have return of their efforts may Allah accept their efforts and remove their weakness ameen.
..others are too engrossed in their own selfish desires and feel no shame and continue which leads to their hearts being sealed and they can become void of guilt, remorse, shame and truth. They are led by their lust and we have to pray that Allah protects all muslims and keeps us all on the right path…
some of these muslims involved in vices of going to prostitutes and homosexuality…are shocklingly the people society would least expect, so-called “respectable, educated, pious” people. We have to pray for them because if the punishment comes down, it comes down on all those around such people!!
said
February 6, 2010 at 11:02 AM
Jazakallah MM
Indeed this is the best article that I have ever read.Wonderful brothers who share their problems,suggestions and comments.
Two years down the line-I hope by this time the sisters who were affected indirectly and the brothers who awere affected directly by the ill-effect of the sick habit have found success stories after following a summary of the above well addressed solution.
I am 19 year old who thought because of his grave sins is the most sinful person in the world.But today I have great blessings to thank Allah by repenting to him.
Brief Biography of mine
Coming from a somali community who regard Duksis-Quranic schools as the first source of child education I attended duksi at the age of three or four.I used to recite the Quran in melodious voice such that I was allowed to call the Adhan in a mosque at the age of eight.At this age I used to pray I used to pray the daily prayers in the mosque exept fajr since Iwas still child.At the age of 11 I come to know about films and movies.Together with friends I use to talk about topics related to this:Who is the superstar of the year,the best movie,etc,etc.From age 11 I used to enjoy life:Play football every afternoon,watch movie daily or listen to musics-Somali or Hindi or AmerIcan rappers,hanging with many friends,etc.Then the problem came when I Saw some of duksi mate and school mate who pray their five dailly prayers in the mosque since I stoped this when I was 11,who neither watch movie nor listen to music and songs and who perform well in their academic.I started to imitate them.Now I have encountered what the brother said that the sinner who is not remorseful has one satan and the vice versa has 9 or 10.It is as if satan give me two choices;- [1] Return to your old ways and enjoy life.[2]If you avoid your old ways,expect troubles troubles.Truly satan has fulfiled his promises to Allah.He started to remind me of the porn section of the movies I used to watgh and introduced a new word into my “mindo-encyclopedia”-MASTURBATION.And more permisive channelscame,porn CDs and ponographic websites to neutralize the mirage joy of masturbation.I Decided to change many times and sought Allah’s forgiveness but found myself relapsing back to the sin.
HOPE came when I read this wonderful article.Insha Allah I will follow this beautiful steps and the comments of the brothers too the ”SAD” comment of brother mujahideen Hyder.I have got almost all the impact of sin that Ibn Al Qayyim has formulated.I am not a worthless being but a worthwile being who can be useful person in not only in the muslim society but also to the humanity at large.I want to change myself completely,change the enviroment by moving out of the house and renting a room mate with a schoolmate so as to have a good atmosphere for studying as well.I will not access the internet for ten months,have different email account or address.I will do my best to change for the better even though it is difficult here in Nairobi city to lower the gaze.Ladies are imitating western culture and are either half-way naked or fully naked.I will also do my best not to watch my favorite team Chelsea fc for I fear that passion may make me relapse relapse to my old ways.Please don’t get me wrong.I don’t say watching football is wrong.As long you feel it will not introduceto sins,watching it is permitted is what read from certain websites.
Brothers I need your prayers pray for me.One of my main goals is to among the chaste who will be under the shade of Allah’s throne in the last day.I love all the muslims to unite and change their jihad stategy of fighting to that of nafs and knowledge-pen.Indeed the jihad fighting have not worked because of the current muslim situation
And my motto is unbelievable mottto to many. It is a motto which I believe will happen before this 21st century end or the luner callender of 1400 century.The MOTTO is THE NEAR FUTER IS FOR ISLAM
3
Ahmed
February 7, 2010 at 3:09 PM
Well i am a muslim too .. and this problem has spoield me , my life and i am just stucked !! dont know what the solution can be i am just stuckeed :((
for all my innocent sisters!
February 7, 2010 at 3:15 PM
Donรยดt try to control your addict, no one can. You will feel a lot better when you stop trying. In the Qurรขโฌโขan it explains why some people have faith and others do not!!
{Allah hath set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing, and on their eyes is a veil; great is the penalty they (incur)} (Al Baqarah 2:7).รขโฌย
This verse also highlights the fact that it is Allah that รขโฌลcontrolsรขโฌย people and not us. We cannot control each other. We can only strive to be better ourselves.
Do not take over his or her responsibilities – the addict might begin to grow up when they have to take full responsibility for their addiction and the problems it causes.
The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is toรขโฌล”keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her.” (Hadith: “ahaqqu al-shuruti an tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furujรขโฌย)
Refuse to be a victim – that role is equally destructive as the role of the addict. Do not let him treat you badly. “The rights your wife has on you are) that you feed her when you eat and clothe her, when you clothe yourself, and that you do not hit her on the face or call her ugly, and that you do not separate from her except in the house.”(Narrated by Mu’awiya Al-Qushayri).
grateful
October 17, 2010 at 8:24 AM
great advice thank you
shan ayoub
February 17, 2010 at 5:43 PM
I just want share this with anyone who maybe interested. i work for an Islamic school, we were experiencing problems with this issue. and despite using internet filter netnanny . it didn’t solve the problem. because our students uses foreign keywords to fool this internet filter. we spoke to company but it was in vain because the software was not designed to handle all type of languages and dialects. but lately we received a free copy of a an internet filter and parental controls software called halalgate. so far we are very very happy with it. i suggest to give it a shot . you may find it very helpful. salam alaikum
A muslim
April 4, 2010 at 11:35 PM
Dear Brother,
Try using K9 web protection. It is a very effective tool and hard to break the password. It will also notify you of who has tried to access porn sites or other sites that forbid. I have used this program on my computer to overcome my pornography addiction and Alhumdulillah it has been very useful in helping me overcome it.
shan ayoub
February 17, 2010 at 5:44 PM
this may help check it out
randommuslim
March 8, 2010 at 7:25 PM
another thing people could try is fasting. thers a hadith about it that i dont quite remember.
Anonymous
March 27, 2010 at 12:59 PM
Salaam, I am a sufferer of this addiction towards pornography and Masturbation. However, compared to my status a year ago, I can say that I have improved significantly. I have just turned 18 years old. How did I do this?
Well, I realized that I was more addicted to Porn rather than Masturbation. So, I cut the Pornography off, which made me decrease my masturbation. To lower the amount of porn you have take computers that you have in your room, out of it, and never “surf” the web. Make sure you always yous the computer for school/ research/ Islam. In addition to this, try to play quran recitation while you are on the computer so there is a presence of Allah/Islam in the room. To stop masturbating I did it day by day. First my goal was 1 day, then 1 week, then 1 month and the most I have done so far is 43 days without masturbating. This was a large feat for me and Insha’Allah I WILL do better. Best thing to do is to stop cold turkey and not even THINK about masturbating. Once its in your head for one second it wont come out and you’ll Yearn to Mastrubate. An imam at my mosque said that if we over come addictions (during ramadan but actually during any time of the year) we will have a HUGEEE feeling of self confidence, accomplishment, spirit, positivity, and EVERYTHING GOOD. It’s true, when i was on that 43 day streak of not masturbating I felt UNSTOPaBLE!! it was a greattt feeling and you’ll never know what the feeling is until you actually stop masturbating. So Insha’Allah, pray namaz/salaat, ask for help from Allah, do Duah for Forgiveness, and be strong in your efforts to stop these horrible and disgusting sins. I know everyone can do it, you just have to put your mind to it InshaAllah.
Good Luck i’ll do Dua’h for all of you InshaAllah, Please Do dua’h for me aswell as I still need to COMPLETELY eliminate these sins from my life.
A Momen hopefully
April 13, 2010 at 11:15 AM
Salem alikom brothers i would like give all of you credit to seek allah (AZWGL) forgivness and stopping to commit these dirty sins, may allah forgive all of us and guide us. We need to stop these sins because if we keep doing this, this no doubt have negative effects mentally, healthwise as well. A thing you could also do a way of getting closer to allah is to read the hadith and quran everyday, if not, make sure do it reguly. Also make sure u pray the sunnahs, it is esstential, also after each salah ie zhur, asr etc say subanah allah 33 times, el hamdollah 33 times, allah akbar 33 times, also try to keep close to people who are good muslims who dont do these sins and know these sins are major sins because this will help you understand and realize these sins are wrong like sometimes we like or dislike something because our friends do, same sort of situation with this case . Also another importnat thing to do is lowering your gays( look away) from the women espcially if the lady is not covered ie all of her body except hands and face . Also what u could do is that have the computer or laptop to where there is company, ideally the living room so there are people watching you.
I know to do some of these things is hard but to do it for allahs sake and for the sake of your future.
Thank you and may allah guide and forgive all of us.
Thanks A Alot
April 20, 2010 at 10:39 AM
Assalam O alikum! Thank u v v much bro I have just turned 18. I tried everything but failed badly. ur success story inspired me alot. InshAllah I will avoid each and every thing from today. May Allah Bless you and help me. All are requested to pray for me.
MMuslim
April 24, 2010 at 9:31 AM
To all the wives out there that are thinking about leaving your husband because he, like I, have an addiction, consider the following:
– Allah will reward your sincerity
– Porn isn’t the same as going to prostitues in an affair
– Charity, fasting, punishing oneself, etc. may work and it may not. The prophet (SWS) was told of a man drinking. He asked if the man prayed, which he did. So the reply was that the prayer will stop him or he will stop the prayer. Well, guess what? With addictions this isn’t always so. In my most faithful times, I used it less, but I wasn’t able to stop. Help is needed for many (but not all) men if it is really an addiction.
– What was missing? My wife’s help. But I COULDN”T ask her – I was too afraid of Allah as a sin that is hidden and doesn’t effect others can be forgiven by Allah according to hadith. So I was praying to stop, and keep this terrible problem/sin to myself hoping for Allah’s forgiveness. I finally told my wife after 12 years of marriage. Guess what? She claimed to have known all along. Instead of thanking me for coming ‘cleaner’ and encouraging me (key word courage), she asked for finishing off our marriage unless I stopped. Give your husband your courage. Deal with your pain and embarrassment with someone else – he can’t handle both at the same time.
– I can’t say for all, but I never chose this disease. Mom (converted) brought some porn in the house and I found it when I was 9. From there, despite my growing iman, the sin grew, too. Your husband might have a bad reason, but IF he is addicted, it isn’t a choice each time.
Something he may want to consider:
– I’m going to a doctor, paid by the gov’t, to try to get my addiction dealt with
– Your husband could go through the activities in a book called, Facing the Shadows.
Anyhow – so I’m saying, don’t leave him divorced and alone when he needs your love and body the most.
what if?
October 17, 2010 at 9:47 AM
ok but what about the husband whose wife thinks the absolute world of him and even when he has given her reasons to doubt him by his odd and unjustifiable and inexplicable nasty behaviour towards her?
what if she has been patient and let the good he has done in the past blot out the bad.?..only for her to discover completely accidentally the undeniable evidence against him and what the shocking secret he has been hiding?
what if even after realising his addiction and feeling her heart shatter into a million pieces by the person she never thought could do that and learning why nothing she had been doing has been good enough and learning the all the nastiness directed at her, inspite of her continuos endeavours of going above and beyond the call of duty to please him by forgeoing her own needs/pain/rights just to make him happy were all in vain because of his wrongdoings not because she was not worthy as she had been lead to believe …
what if after all that, inspite of the absolute agony and shock and even anger she feels initially she wholeheartedly still WANTS to stay with her husband because she loves him so much and cannot bear the thought of him continuing on the wrong path and ruining his dunya and more importantly aakhirah?
what if it never crosses her mind even once to taunt or throws his addiction at him to hurt him when he hurts her, she continues to stay with him sincerely as a loving,devoted, caring wife and extends her warmth and help and compassion and to be there in every way that he needs her even if he cannot be there for any of her needs without being condescending, without feeling like she has gained some one-upmanship on him, but truly there because of absolute true love and respect for him and knowing that he is better than the addiction and can be the person she has always believed him to be.
what if he does not grab this opportunity for genuine help? does not accept the wake-up call? and he continues to treat his wife like she is the problem and the cause of his addiction?
what if he makes every excuse under the sun… being the victim of jealousy, someones curse, his own wifes curse! the victim of an unhappy marriage, an unsatisfactory wife (whom he had pursued wholeheartedly and proposed to himself as the love of his life by the way!) what if he takes advantage of her mercy, her compassion and allows her to nurse him “the poor victim” whilst doing nothing to nurse her heart that he has broken.
What if he continues hurting it more with further criticisms and making up a rumour about her chastity which are untrue, advertising his unhappy marriage by propogating falsehood about his wife whilst she remains loyal and remains silent in the face of the slander made up about her?seeking sympathy and friendships in all the wrong paces whilst mentallya nd emotionally abusing the one entrusted to him?? he knows her good nature and that she will never expose or humiliate him or really confront him so he does everything he can to make himself the victim to the whole world including her and if that is not bad enough he also does everything he can towipe her out of his life. geting rid of and demonising the kindhearted and sincere and selfless true love he had been handed was easier than facing the real demon!!!
Not many women would have even stayed with a guy like that, even if he expressed his need for her love and her body brother Mmuslim!!!
The brother I talk about is my actual brother, and the girl was my sister inlaw. Apart from her I am the only other person who knows about his porn addiction and what it led to and how it screwed up his marriage. Not because of a lack of mercy or compassion on her part after her her finding out, she could not have been more soft hearted..she is an independant, intelligent and strong woman, she did not need my brother to survive, she was there purely because she loved him very truly.
Her personality and actions at such an awful tim ein both their lives, would have melted the heart of any decent husband and human being, any other guy would have felt the immediate need to rectify his ways and would have spent the rest of his days being grateful to God for such an amzing wake-up call, but my brother twisted and turned everything and though I am not the most practicing of muslims I cry and shake with fear when I wonder how he will ever answer for what he and his addiction have done to a completely innocent girl.
In time he seems to have gotten his life on track and “appears” happy and more Godly again and ever strong with his faith and everything in life falling into place sweetly, but no matter how much he has changed and may have repented I know he will pay a great price for what he has done to another human.
He never showed her and remorse over what he did and never went to seek forgiveness from her or her family, he was on a mission to erase her and no-one and nothing could get through to him.
Your advice to sisters means well, but you need to know how dangerous this addiction, like any other is and how much it can harm and change not only the addict but also the addicts family.
In my brothers case, the rest of my family dont know aboout what he was getting up to because even after destroying his wifes life, she has never said a word to anyone and even when I have tried to poach the subject with her and asked her how she has not taken revenge she has smiled patiently and asked me to forget everything, but I cant forget. I kept the promise I made to her and did not discuss his “secret” with him or anyone,even when he tried to painted a picture of her to our family which was wrong, i kept my promise, partly out of respect for my sister inlaw and partly because my brother is the head of our family, he controls everything, so even if my family knew the truth, they would have sided with him and carried on victimising her, for their own selfish interests, no-one even those elder to him, can tell him he is in the wring, because they dont want to lose favour with him… so I live with the guilt of knowing what everyone has doen and being able to do nothimg much… that though she wasnt willing to show him up maybe I should have and it may have forced the change in everyone before he ruined her and his own life.
Its all well and good somewhere below emphasising that one must not let personal views change Allahs laws and porn isnt the same as zina etc… but wrongdoing is wrongdoing, injustice is injustice and no matter how many good deeds my brother and my family do, Allah will forgive them ..but will it undo what they have done wrong to that girl? will it reduce her pain? will it give back what she should have had? Allah is great and he will give her something better I pray, but I hope all addicts here realise how bad porn addiction is and then eternal mess it can lead to even if it is not a “major sin”.
I live with a pain in my heart born from guilt every single day.
How does that girl live?
No matter how much you change, you always pay a price for the wrong you have done, especially if it involves another human being.. so dont belittle the sin whether its major or minor..And spare a thought for the innocent victims..not the self-induced ones.
Ahmed
May 21, 2010 at 10:39 AM
This advice will be helpful for young genaration .
help
June 10, 2010 at 1:45 AM
Salams,
I messaged you above, but if this is the same Br. Ahmed whose recovery story is above, i would like to get in contact with you by email if possible. Please let me know.
Thank you so much.
salams.
Baachi
June 13, 2010 at 9:35 PM
Um, yeah, Salaams
Ive been in the same boat as many of these brothers here. Even though Ive been clean for about a week, I finally decided to search up yet again on this subject as I had done years ago. Too bad this article was up after I spent a TON of time trying to find something to help me stop and finding nothing that would keep me away from this nasty habit for any decent length of time
Last week sometime something happened, I dont know what, but I found that when I combine 2 suras (an Nas and al ikhlas) the desire to even do these unspeakable acts is out the window. OUT THE WINDOW, I hope this continues, and wanted to let others know. I thought maybe others had found this worked, which is what led me to search. I’ll be bookmarking this for any updates, or if I get close to a relapse, I’ll read this entire thread
On the real tho, Jazakallah. Its great that you took the time to put this article together.
OMAR
June 15, 2010 at 12:16 PM
I know I keep trying hard not to do this but I cant help myself…..Im addicted to porn 24/7
OMAR LONDON
MMuslim
June 20, 2010 at 4:05 PM
As someone married with this prob, do your best. It REALLY wrecks relationships…unless she does it, too, but then would you want to be in hell together, or have her complete you and your faith?
Keep trying, brother, Allah can forgive honest repentance even if you fail again and again. Don’t forget why you want to continue.
My psych had me do a “benefit” “loss” chart to figure out why I still do it. Using that list, I’m trying to get rid of the triggers that get me there.
There is also an online group at saa-recovery.org for addicts. God’s love – (better than good luck?) and you’ll (and I’ll) fight this disease.
Dahir
March 9, 2011 at 9:03 AM
Assalamu alykum,
My name is Dahir and i am a psychology student (final year). I came across this mind opening article on pornography addiction and would like to share my personal story from recovering from this debilitating disease with brothers who are still struggling with it.
I live in London and noticed that a blogger under the name OMAR was also from London and would like to get his contact details so that we can share and support each other.
As a psychology student i learned the importance of getting in touch with people with similar problems and how vital this sharing it is in the recovery journey.
So if there is any one who would like to contact me for support my e-mail is adahir@hotmail.co.uk
Aslamu alykum,
Dahir
Muslim Teen
June 19, 2010 at 9:50 PM
Salaams,
I just wanted to share my story with everyone as i really need to let this all out.
First of all I grew up in a very Islamic household. my parents are people who strive to make us understand the deen and ma’shallah they practice it well too. but when i was growing up porn was not a big problem.
my first encounter with porn was from my older brother(may Allah forgive him). i remember we were in the library and he didnt see me approaching, then i looked over his shoulder and saw cartoon porn. but i was 7 so i didnt even know what it was. around grade 5 i remeber seeing my brother watching this porn cassette he borrowed from a friend in his school but by that age i knew what it was and i was curious. so i started searching the internet( library i would have never dared on my home computer). as to what this really was and i stumbled across some cartoon porn. and then i was interested. so i kept going back on that one site (in the library) and i even started playing some adult internet games. but this was all cartoon softcore stuff. pictures of naked cartoon characters once a week or month. then my family moved to vancouver ,canada and that is when i really start remembering everything. I was grade 6 at the time and my parents put me in elementary school. and that is when i stopped watching the cartoon stuff and started waytching naked ladies posing. i remeber lying to my parents tellling them i have a project from school and i have to go to the library and going there and finding a computer. the computers in that library were perfect if u wanted to do stuff without people seeing you. so i used to go there once in a while. this was about 4 – 5 years ago. then i remember coming home from school one day and my mom found somebody has been surfing porn on our home computer. i was very careful when watching porn and i didnt even watch it in the house. so i knew it was my brother. my mom confronted him and he confessed and she became very angry, kicked him out and she was that way for about 2 months. i remeber thinking that im never gonna tell her. so i contunued. before when i would watch porn i would feel nothing but i just used to watch it becuase it was interesting. my grade 7 year i remeber having this feeling everytime i watched porn but i didnt know what it was and i remeber not being able to sleep until this feeling subsided. my first encounter with masterbation was my grade 7 year. and i finally found a way to make this feeling subside quickly and i was hooked. also i didnt know that this was haraam at the time as my parents never touched upon the issue. and i knew quite alot about islam at my age. so i remember my mom talking to my brother one day about Zinaa and my mom listing masterbation as a form of Zinaa. i was shocked but i was hooked to it and i thought to my self ill stop after i reach puberty. then i thought that until u have a wet dream u havent reached puberty so i stuck on that thought and continued. now my porn viewing escalated and i remember switiching between softcore pcitures and softcore videos but as an addict becomes an addict he becomes reckeless and thats what happened to me. i started watching on my home computer and erasing all my tracks after i was done. but i didnt know much about computers back then and my dad quickly found it. but my parents thought it was my brother. but him swearing on the name of Allah that it wasnt him made them think it was just pop-ups or something delivered through email. then we moved and that is when my porn viewing climaxed. i was homeschooled and i started learning alot about computers on my spare time and this knowledge fueled my desire for porn. i was tired of staring at pictures and two minute clips of porn and i wanted something more so i started watching 5 to 10 minutes hardcore stuff and this is when i really got into porn. while i was watching these clips they would always advertise the site that hosted the full video but when i went there it wasn’t free and i was only 13 at the time and couldnt afford it. my parents were very paranoid of using credit cards over the internet and RARELY did it. i really wanted to surf this site so i found out that you could download the full scences for free. but this took long periods of time like 5 hours for one scene and i remeber leaving the computer on over night just so it could finish. i became so skilled at computers that i found ways to delete my tracks and hide my files that i didnt even know was possible. but i was tired of waiting five hours just to watch one scene. and i figured out how to hack these pay sites. now i had an unlimited acess to the most expensive porn for free that other people were paying hundreds a month for. and this is when my porn viewing really climaxed. but then i noticed alot of bad stuff. i had constant back pain, my shoulders sloped, i felt tired 24/7 i was an A student but my grades started dropping. i forgot to mention when i started my hacking spree i was given my own laptop as both my parents dont know what i was doing and i was the best child in the house. then i was homeschooled` the next year and my parents suggested since i have all this free time now i should go memorize the quran and i loved the idea. I thought to myself that if i know the quran i can stop watching porn. but i didnt really believe i was addicted. so i started going to the full time quran program but i was still watching porn. it was far away from my house it was a 15 min bike, then a 40 minute bus ride, then another 25 minute bike just to get there. i remeber leaving early and stopping by the bookstore to check out the adult magazines but i never used to buy any. then i remember i was memorizing Surat Al Isra and i came upon the ayah: And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (17:32). i remember saying to myself now i must stop but stopping became harder than ever. i finished memorizing the entire quran and i said to myself “now that im a hafidh it is not fit for me to continue my ways” but that didn’t stop me either and i still had access to all those pay porn sites. i really wanted to quit and tell somebody about whats going on as it was obvious i was the most skilled in computers in my house and nobody was going to find out what i do. i thought about telling my mom but then i remember what happened to my brother and i decide not to. besides now im a hafidh and she trusted me the most and i didnt want to lose that trust. i believe that it is this porn viewing that is hindering my closeness to Allah. i would download the porn scenes and after i masturbate i would delete them from my computer due to guilt and i continued in this cycle. i made du’a to Allah but i believe that every time i made dua to Allah i wasn’t 100% sincere and i would see my self going back after a couple of days. I am still homeschooled and this gives an enormous amount of free time. the first year i was homeschooled i took advantage of this free time and finished gr. 8 and 9 in one year. after that i just started slacking making me almost fail my grade 10 courses. I am sad to say that I am now almost 16 years old and still stuck in this addiction. I made what i believe to be my most sincere du’a yet today and I hope that Allah helps me to find a way out of this problem. As Allah says in the Quran “And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out” (65:02). I pray that Allah frees me from this addiction because it is only by the mercy of Allah that I can escape this addiction.
JazakAllahu Khayran for reading my story and I hope any one else who has a similar problem as mine also finds a way out,
muslimah
June 19, 2010 at 11:07 PM
i feel so depressed after reading the porn series. I know it’s an issue in the ummah today but i refused to acknowledge and keep my head in the sand. It’s just so sad :( no offense but idk how any wife can let her husband touch her after finding out he’s a porno addict :s
Muslim teen, you are really brave to share your story. I have 2 things to say hopefully inshaAllah you’ll find them helpful.
1-listen in to the hereafter series. You can download it on your laptop. Google.
2- http://www.imancipate.com
Pls keep us updated.(i know that sounds dumb). You’re in my du’aas.
wasalam
Muslim Teen
June 20, 2010 at 12:56 PM
salaams muslimah
jazaks for the advice
there isn’t an awalaki lecture i haven’t listened to. i finished every single lecture he made. i already have them all downloaded on my laptop. thanks though it is a good series.
unavailable
June 20, 2010 at 6:43 PM
I sujest that you frequent the masjid and try fasting often. that is what helped me. while i was into this problem i stil made sure i was at the masjid 5 times a day. no matter what even if i was in the middle of the video i would stop it, clear my history, and leave for the masjid if it was time for prayer. if no one was home to drop me i would bike or walk. another thing i started to do was that if i knew i was going to be home alone i would go to the masjid and take my school work their and study that or read quran over there at least until someone got home. this way i didnt have access to any of this stuff because i wouldnt have a computer. when i needed to use the computer i would make sure i was in a place that was open and if someone walked by they would see what i was doing.
Muslim Teen
June 20, 2010 at 8:23 PM
salaams
i fast every monday and thrusday but that still doesnt stop me i would do it on the other days. ill try the masjid though as i havent been there frequently since my brother and dad left for somalia.
Jade
October 17, 2010 at 2:56 AM
slamalaikum Teen,
My best times have been when I have quit the internet altogether. I know it sounds extreme u need a month or 2 with no internet access at home – Only in school, where hopefully it is tracked &u cant do dis. Don’t say “I am strong” even if you feel strong. You have to put physical barriers between you and the addiction, not just ur willpower, or u will go nowhere.
never despair of the mercy of Allah
muslimah
June 20, 2010 at 5:02 AM
wow, i realized i shouldn’t have written the part that got edited. What’s wrong if i write the name? It doesn’t mean you dont acknowledge the good he did. Sigh, i guess humans are like that. You see one bad quality in someone and that’s it. You cant see nothing good in them anymore. Pathetic.
MMuslim
June 20, 2010 at 11:35 AM
Isn’t that ironic…that same pathetic nature is what would lead a wife to leave an otherwise good/great/average husband.
He’s done or is doing something vile & needs help. Instead of helping him, she can’t touch him. Had the teen’s mom not kicked him out, but rather got a doc on board and help, he AND his brother would’ve done better, Allahu’alim.
Muslim Teen
June 20, 2010 at 12:52 PM
salaams
just to clarify i never got kicked out my mom doesn’t know and it would kill her if she found out. thats why by the help of Allah im trying to stop before it ruins the excellent relationship i have with my mom
MMuslm
June 20, 2010 at 1:02 PM
You mentioned your brother was kicked out for 2 months. Did it help?
Do you think “toughness” could break the habit become addiction? \
I’m seeing a doc (just started) and going through a book (Facing the Shadows). Prayer helps, fasting. The urge is the problem…washing out my brain.
I was 16 and stuck, too. Work hard brother, you don’t want to be hiding this forever. My psych said, “secrecy breeds disease”. Getting help can be done in privacy, but trust me, you don’t know addiction yet. You’ve been at it for less than a decade. Try 20+ years. It only gets worse.
Muslim Teen
June 20, 2010 at 1:10 PM
salaams MMuslim
i dont know if it helped my brother as i never seen him with porn in the house after that. but he is in university. also to clarify he wasn’t kicked out for two months just a day or two but she wouldnt talk to him for two months. my dad moved to vancover later than us. and he mended the problem.
Aashiq
June 21, 2010 at 12:13 PM
Muslim teen,
Salams, I am facing some of the same troubles as you are. I was reading that to quit, it is very helpful to have someone to work with. If you want, we can email each other about our status and how we are doing in terms of quitting this addiction, and we can give each other advice (naseeha).
My email is aashiqmustaham@gmail.com. Let me know if you would like to try this.
Thanks
muslim teen
June 21, 2010 at 12:28 PM
ya sure no problem
Aashiq
June 21, 2010 at 12:37 PM
alright you have my email.
Amad
June 21, 2010 at 12:53 PM
hope you guys can help each other in birr wal taqwa … in good and taqwa.
Muslim Teen
June 21, 2010 at 3:29 PM
inshallah
FeedTheRightWolf
June 22, 2010 at 3:54 PM
What a great post, very detailed.
I especially loved the “A Talk with the Self By Kamal El mekki:” poem even though I do not like poetry.
I liked a lot the last success story, but not really sure about point number 6
6) Encouraging my wife to always dress provocatively when we are at home.
Pingback: Indigo Jo Blogs — A new light on the harms of porn
Muslim
August 11, 2010 at 10:00 AM
Great news:
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/indonesia-blocks-access-to-4-million-porn-sites/128637-2.html?from=tn
bakhaf
August 13, 2010 at 11:55 PM
clean for 74 days mA and iA will be clean till marriage.. just make duah to allah (swt) to rid you of such addiction and before you know it your duah will be accepted… no matter what do not give up…
Tarek
August 19, 2010 at 5:27 PM
I grew up in a good Muslim family. Me and my sister had a good upbringing. Average for a British Pakistani family. What makes me different is my sister has decided to enter the adult entertainment business. Like any concerned brother I was against the idea. In our culture this is forbidden and would bring shame on my family. I could not understand how anyone could do this as a occupation, my sister especially she was a university graduate and Islamic studies teacher. I stopped talking to my sister for a year then realised it was me that was in the wrong. Nobody has a perfect family, I canรขโฌโขt force someone to be somthing they are not . My sister and I now talk I have accepted her career choice reluctantly but she is still is my sister still Muslim still Asian. I would like to hear from others in my situation and how they dealt with this situation. . For genuine comments please email me at mehmut786@hotmail.com
Truth Muslim
August 20, 2010 at 1:31 AM
I’m glad to see MuslimMatters not shying away from issues that effect our Ummah.
May Allah reward your efforts and may He help us in overcoming harmful addictions.
– Walaikum Salaam
WHO AM I?
August 26, 2010 at 2:53 AM
I dont know what to say…. Im broken…PORN broke me… ;(
I want to repent, BUT……….
I always keep falling into it again almost everyday…..
Ramadan was going good, alhamdulillah….untill….. just a few seconds ago, I MASTURBATED! I BROKE MY FAST!
(It all started last night…. when i watched porn after a really long time… i slept in the state of janabbah… woke up, skipped fajr because of this state.. couldnt go and take a bath at that time of d day…)
I have forgotten who I am….
I am loosing
…. OH HOW I WISH I WAS DIRT! HOW I WISH I HAD DIED B4 COMMITTING THIS ABOMINATION… HOW I WISHED I HAD DIED B4 DISOBEYING ALLAH….
What was I thinking?!
I was not thinking!
I want to leave this world! I hate it! It takes me away from my Rabb!
How I wish I was DEAD WHEN I WAS STILL AN OBEDIENT SLAVE….
I dont know why Im writing this here… Maybe I want sme1 to help me through this…. to help me throughout my stay in dunya…help me to keep away from it…. Help me please Allah, pls….
Amatul Wadood
October 1, 2010 at 1:41 AM
i guess u guys shud pray exclusive 2 rakat every nite before fajr, seeking His help to cure this prob!
Seek help thru patience and prayer.
I serioulsy hope and pray that AllahSWT protect all my dear brothers and sisters from the traps of the shaytan and his army!
PLZZZZZZ READ THE MORNING AND EVENING DUAS!!!
plz keep reciting these duas from the Quran “And say”my Lord, I seek refuge with You from the promptings of the devils and i seek refuge with You lest they come near me!” 23:97-98
P.S. WHAT THE SHAYTAN WANTS IS THAT U GIVE UP AND DROWN IN SINS…..SO NEVER EVER GIVE UP,EVER!!!!!!!!
singlefornow
September 29, 2010 at 8:56 PM
So, I want to get married to a really good looking girl, so that I won’t have this problem that when I get married I still am not satisfied, but my parents want me to go for a girl only for her din. Seems problematic, especially when people here are saying that they are married and still do this stuff since their wives are not that good looking.
Tarek
September 30, 2010 at 3:04 AM
Listen go for someone u love u can teach someone about deen , I used to get soo jelouse of guys lookin at my missus and in the end she told me guys are guys they are always going to look. And she is right it’s human nature. I accepted it an now I’m proud of how hot my wife is and like the fact guys think she is hot
bakhaf
September 30, 2010 at 10:24 PM
Do not ever give up!! Ignore people who tell you its impossible and do not think its impossiable. I used to think that it was and that I was never going to give up, but allahmdullah one day i told my self that i would… and now i am clean for 120 days… Just make duah to allah (SWT) to get rid of such filth and addiction.
Amatul Wadood
October 1, 2010 at 1:40 AM
May AllahSWT protect u from getting back…Verily, He is the Best of Helpers! take a step to obey AllahSWT and be sure that His help is on the way!!!
Jade
October 17, 2010 at 1:36 AM
slamlaikum,
alhamdulilah you are been clean from this filth for 120 days. but dont ever think “you are done and have conquered it, it is over” That is exactly the arrogant moment of weakness where Shaitan strikes.
I was clean for 135 days at one point, and thought I was done … I was wrong.
muslim
December 31, 2013 at 12:34 AM
That’s very true we should not focus our attention on merely counting days as this can make us tired of maintaining abstinence for long and instead I believe we can count the number of attempts we have managed our cravings properly as this will give us more confidence. It is said that the brain can unlearn the things that it has learned. Therefore every time the burning desire to watch porn comes up we should not automatically give in to the desire but rather channel it through proper means for example we decide to listen to the glorious quran or to do dhikr and the remembrance of Allah as this will help to reduce the burning tension or desire that keeps burning within us.
Jade
October 17, 2010 at 1:40 AM
But important thing is always seek refuge in Allah, never grow arrogant and trust in your will power alone. and God willing, you will be clean of this disease till the day you meet Allah
muslim sister
October 15, 2010 at 3:24 PM
I have found porn on my husbands laptop in the past and even an porn app on his iphone-his excuse is that he works away part of the week and he uses it while he’s away, does anyone think this is a valid reason?
Also I found in his internet history that he had visited a site for massage parlours in the area that he works. He said one of his friends was staying with him at the time and he must have borrowed his computer. I was shocked but there is nothing you can do if you don’t have proof.
Now he has passwords everywhere and is a whizz on the computer while I am not as clever so could not even check if I wanted to.
In Islam spying and suspicion are discouraged and how far should one take it? I mean one has to accept that you can not be the other perons keeper and that he is answerable to Allah. I had thought about getting some spy equipment for his phone/car and computer but having been ons some AlMagrhib seminars recently my faith has been so strenghted ma-ashallah I am just continuing making dua for him.
Had it not been for my parents I would have seperated from him years ago but they have already been through so much with my siblings marital issues, I can’t break their hearts again.
Amad
October 16, 2010 at 5:47 AM
“Muslim sister”
sorry to hear about that. To be honest, I wouldn’t let him get away with it so easily. If he wants to be with you, then he needs to live up to the same ideals he expects of you. He needs to give you permission to put monitoring software (there are many links in the comments before), and he needs to answer questions about whereabouts at all times… even if he is nagged by them. If he really cares, then he’ll do it. This isn’t vain spying, but legitimate requirement for a healthy marriage.
Also, the excuse about friends using computer is as bad as “my dog ate my homework”. I think his problem may be more serious than just porn. I would highly suggest/recommend to you to see a marriage counselor, better yet a psychologist who specializes in addictions. I have heard of many cases (through Shayookh) where it is beyond self-help, dua and prayers. It is a brain wiring issue, and it needs to be resolved professionally. Think of other addictions like gambling, alcohol, smoking, etc. They are not easy to break even if the person is trying hard and sincerely. Try to find a Muslim psychologist if you can. Maybe Sr. Haleh (psychology at muslimmatters.org) can help or recommend someone. He needs to talk to someone without bars, which means one on one (without you).
Don’t wait too long. Otherwise, it may come to a point of no return. For your marriage, and more importantly for his akhira.
muslim sister
October 17, 2010 at 1:54 PM
jazakallah khair for your comment, however he would never accept counselling becauase he doesnot accept he has an addiction and also we are both doctors so he thinsk he already knows eveything.
I quizzed him about it yesterday after posting the comment and he defended himself saying it is a “habit” that he can’t stop. The shocking thing was that he said “its genetic, I can’t help it and i bet you our sons will be he same” (they are only 6 and 4 yrs at the moment)! May Allah protect them.
The other thing is someone commented thats wives must dress sexy for their husbands in order to prevent this diease. I agree he does appreciate when I make an effort but there have been a few occasions where I have dressed in very provocative underwear (thinking this is what he must think he is missing out on) and he has been unable to perform, I don’t know if he found it too embarrassing and preferred the lights off but he did make a comment that I will never forget and that was “I just don’t see you in that way-you are the mother of my cilldren”.
Thanks for the support and comments, great website and very underdiscussed/stigmatised topic.
fellow sis!
October 17, 2010 at 4:20 PM
Salam sister.
My heartfelt sympathy and duas reach out to you. Br Amads advice is spot on, but I understand the predicament you are in also.
Like yours my husband also a highly educAted fellow, with a responsible and “resepctable” role in society and even known widely as “a pious” guy, has this problem and hid it from me for years. So inevitably when I discovered the truth it was an absolute shock, I never even knew such filthy things were available or even existed. I never knew Muslims could fall into such a trap and in such a big way and never ever did I think my husband could be someone like that. I not only discovered what he was viewing but also disgusting conversations he was having in vile chat rooms with absolute strangers discussing everything perverse from the size of each others genitals to sexual preferences and techniques… it makes me sick now and it made me physically ill then when I first discovered these things he had accidentally left on his PC!!!
I wished I had never discovered any of it and I wanted to die. But I begged Allah for the strength for me to ignore my pain and help my husband get away from all this and deal with how Allah wanted me to.
somehow my prayer was answered and I calmly and compassionately approached my husband and asked him to explain things to me so that I coul help him and we could get professional help together…my love for him and my faith in Allah helped me become filled with patience and rahmah.
however my husband refusesd to acknowledge what a huge wrong this is and behaves as though it was “a phase” and he is over it now.
He also has locks and passwords on everything and has to go away every now and again for work etc so I cannot check and have to give him the benefit of the doubt as like you I too do not wish to be a suspicious or paranoid wife.
He also has not been intimate with me for many months since I discovered all this and I cannot help but wonder where and how he is releasing his natural urges. Since I want to stick by him as his wife I have to and I want to be there for him physically aswell as emotionally, I have to put away the thoughts of what I found on his PC and hope and pray it was limited to “virtual experiences” only.
I cannot approach him about any of it because the day when I did, he shed a few tears said a sorry and thats enough. If I dare have any questions or try to talk more about getting help he loves to play the “Sensitive” card and the “I feel like killing myself” line and ofcourse no wife risks hurting the feelings of her husband let alone hearing him say morbid things.
It is a horrible problem and its a horrible way to live. I cannot approach my family because they love and respect my husband, I dont want him to lose that and one day inshAllah if he has changed his ways I dont want them to have to remember this about him or worry for me.
He already has started avoiding them “because they treat me so well and I feel bad because they dont know the reality”..Insteed of changing his behaviour or dealing with it he is becoming distant with me and keeping away from anything or anyone whose existance may make him feel guilty, but he will not seek help!!!
I cannot turn to his family either as they are quite proud and whatever wrongs he already does (such as flirting with others) must be because I am doing something wrong!Though they insult him infront of me and behind his back when it comes to their own little issues,when its a matter to do with me for sure they would side with him and never encourage him to admit he has an issue and needs help, its pride and its not genuine love..for me its a brick wall! I only turn to Allah and I know whatever happens in this world atleast He is seeing everything, but it is really hard and really painful to live like this and wonder what will become my husband.
Its easy to smile and be calm and patient infront of other but every lone moment to be breaking down in floods of tears and pangs of agony, its too much. I have tried to get in touch with a Iocal trustworthy scholar for help and amawaiting a response. It is so hard for a woman to open up to anyone about such a problem but I have to as I cant risk my husband being accountable and punished for these sins even if its “a phase”!!! What if he dies during this phase?I hope the scholar will do more than ask me to be patient!
I hope sister you have atleast one elder or someone who you can turn to, to get help. An elder in your husbands family who can be trusted not to tell anyone else or a trustworthy and Godfearing memebr of your community, someone who is afraid of Allah and will give help and push good advice to your husband.if its difficult to find a Muslim then a professional who is neutral and has an expertise in dealing with such stuff. Seek someone yourself and ask them to approach your husband, because trust me this problem will not go away. Im ashamed to tell you how long I have been living this way…
I am by nature affectinate and love to dress up for my husband and always generally look presentabe. Yet my husband has developed an aversion to me and though anyone else would consider him as the loving, affectionate and romantic type and myself as attractive but conservative, it is infact absolutely the other way round. Even before I discovered his problem and when we were newly weds I was shocked and somewhat dissappointed at how inhibited and unromantic he was compared to myself and comapred to the impression he gives off.
99% of the times we have been intimate are when he initiated, many a time when Ive been in the mood and made the first move I have been fed some poor excuse and rejected or its over before it starts! It only happens when and how he wants and aside from in the dark in the bedroom, there is very rare physical contact any other time…not even so much as a hug or apeck on the cheek or holding if hands..I give but I do not receive. For a long time before I discovered his secret, I thought perhaps I was expecting too much and am too affectionate, I have doubted alot about mysef and my judgement and been hard on myself and allowed others to be hard on me. Once I knew what the problem was I was after all the shock I actually felt relieved because I though now I know the problem, it can be fixed. But shaytan can can put up incredible barriers and the days are going by and nothing is changing for the better, i am surrounded by loving faces, familiar faces, but i am so alone and my marriage already feels dead. My husband is making a big gap and I cannot handle it or even get through to him anymore. Please sister get help now and try to get someone on your side to help you because its going to be long process, dont get to where I am, get help and turn to Allah, you have children to think of, you cannot deal with the problem of your husband by yourself, it is too big and he will find ways to outsmart you, be cruel to be kind before you lose oursefl in all the worry, do it for your kids. I pray for you.
Amad
October 18, 2010 at 12:55 AM
If he doesn’t accept counselling, then you shouldn’t have to accept his lifestyle. As Sh. Yasir said recently in a tweet, “women have no idea how much power they wield over their husbands”. The children are his as much as yours. There’s nothing genetic about being addicted to haram. Is human fitrah such? That goes against the entire pure fitrah concept. It’s possible your husband went through some “bad” sex education in his childhood or even exposed to molestation (as the other articles from Umm Reem highlight). Most will never admit it.
And for him to say that he isn’t attracted to you because you are his children’s mother is the strangest excuse in the world. You are not HIS mother.
I would still urge you to talk to a psychologist. You need help in dealing with him. And eventually he needs to get help too. He is a medical doctor, not a mental doctor… and they are 2 different things.
It takes two to tango but only one to screw it all up!!!
October 18, 2010 at 2:00 AM
Br.Amad your wise words are absolutely right and in most cases so your quote from Sh.Yasir “women have no idea how much power they wield over their husbandsรขโฌย…. but I know from my own and anothers experience that there some guys who are so attached to this sin that they become arrogant about it. They do not care what it does to the family, children or wife..even if it’s a wife they hand selected and insisted on marrying as the girl of their dreams, even if she threatens to walk out and take away the children…. “I dont care if you go or if you tell everyone”…they get to a point where wife, kids, their family status and jobs are all disposable but they will refuse to deal with the actual problem…how then does a woman get help for him other than through prayer and without throwing everything away? By Allah there are such men who are that engrossed or that in denial they will destroy everything or constantly waggle the threat of divorce in their wife’s face, knowing she will be afraid of that. It is zulm upon zulm and there is comfort in knowing that Allah willl reward and make a way out for those who suffer, but also fear because no woman wants to leave her husband caught up in a mess ike that or answerable for it! I know its beyond dua, but for some its all there is left. I hope they are answered.
muslim sister
November 3, 2010 at 3:55 PM
so I did istikharah and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I asked my husband to leave 2 weeks ago. Its not just the porn issue althugh for me this is just the icing on the cake-its his refusal to accept he has a problem or that it is haram in islam. He used to say it was permissable because he worked away from home. However the fact that he would not be able to peform in bed because he had just “done it” downstairs before he came up was a total contradiction to his argument.
I like alot of the sisters on this forum have been torn for many years (over 10)over how long do you support him for? how long do you make dua that he will change? when his deeds start to affect the children I would say that is when you have to do soemthing. My husband had a very liberal attitude to his faith in terms of not praying, he used to watch several films per night and go to the cinema several times per week. He would see no problem with listening to music in front of the kids etc.
I know for sure I haven’t been the best of wives but Ilive for my children and he lives for himself. I don’t know why Iam breaking up inside. He hasn’t called or texted in 2 weeks even to ask how the kids are. Its like he’s punishing me. Why is it always the wife who is made out to be the bad one.Whenever we have had arguments it is always me who says I will change, I will get help. I just pray Allah helps him see what he has lost and helps me find the strength to continue with life without him (it feels just as hard as life with him was). Pls pray for me.
Mantiki
November 17, 2010 at 4:47 AM
I am sorry for the experience of this sister. The problem may or may not be related to porn but it seems that your husband is lucky to have a wife who tries very hard to satisfy him. Your suffering is not your fault.
As a Western man, I use porn but it does not affect others. I love my wife but like most working western women, her work and chores, interruptions from children etc leave her tired and my needs are of little concern to her. Depending on work and her moods, we may be intimate only once every 3 to 6 weeks. One year was so bad we did it only 4 times! Please be assured that I work as well, and also do most of the cooking, outdoor chores and help with cleaning!
Now we have been married nearly 30 years and I would happily take her in my arms several times a week but instead usually find myself in front of the computer screen. Because of her attitude, I feel no guilt and even she accepts this as reasonable. But above all, it makes me less frustrated and less angry.
May Allah bless you by making your husband see sense or provide you with a better husband!
Mark Wareham
October 19, 2010 at 12:54 AM
It’s really an amazing article. I read it twice. K9 WEB PROTECTION is really a good program but I also suggest visiting http://www.quitporn.net. In this website the addicited can find good articles and information. It helped me a lot the readings.
May Allah help us to overcome this addiction and free the ummah
sadiqah
October 27, 2010 at 7:42 PM
http://www.purifyyourgaze.com/case-study/
recoverer
November 8, 2010 at 3:04 PM
Assalamu alikum,
I feel that having an accountability buddy is important in this journey of recovery. If there is anyone out there who woud like to be my accountability buddy, please reply to this comment with your email address, ill contact you.
We can inshAllah aim for 6 months of being sober, we’l iA email eachother every night testifying that we didn’t act out that day.
so bros, let me know
wsalam
Mantiki
November 16, 2010 at 7:42 PM
Please don’t torture yourself brother. Allah in His wisdom created us with desire so that we would reproduce. Your longings are healthy and natural. If you have no partner or she is not available, don’t suffer by repressing your urges as it will simply make you angry with yourself or with women. Do what you need to do quickly and without shame, and then go out and do Allah’s work with joy and peace.
Allah loves you and your devotion and has no need or desire to torture you by giving you sexual needs and then demanding you ignore them. His pleasure is in seeing His people love each other, not burden each other with unnatural rules of behaviour.
Slave
December 12, 2010 at 5:57 AM
walaikumassalaam brother recoverer
I just wanted to ask do you currently have an accountability brother? If not, please contact me on pouyt@hotmail.co.uk.
Thanks
Mantiki
November 16, 2010 at 3:33 PM
It’s very sad to see the anxiety and guilt produced by our attitudes to pleasure. The only sin in porn is where it reduces time that should be spent with loved ones, important work or study, or prayer. Having said that, people do need time to themselves, and porn is useful to relieving sexual tension and frustration. Not everyone is married or has a willing and compliant partner available for mutual sexual pleasure.
It angers me that porn is used as yet another weapon to bash men with or control others. Both Christianity and Islam seem obsessed with controlling people or blaming people and creating guilt and anxiety. The fact is that men and women are “wired” to find pleasure in looking at each other. The real sin is to make people feel guilt for enjoying pleasure, or for “inciting lust” (that’s a good one for blaming women for men’s natural sexual urges), or to create such a level of sexual tension and anger that young men would rather blow themselves up along those with whom they disagree with.
A B
December 9, 2010 at 6:23 PM
This website can be the key to solving people’s problems of pornography and masturbation:
http://purifyyourgaze.com
Subjects spoken about are:
-Porn in The Masjid
-Brother X Shares Recovery After 24 Years Of Pornography Addiction
-4 Scientifically Proven Steps to Cure Your Addiction
-How to Start Your Recovery NOW
Jazakallahu Khairan…
WHO I AM
December 22, 2010 at 2:39 AM
It’s killing my soul… Help.. Please… Ya Rabb! Save me!
Mantiki
January 11, 2011 at 4:59 AM
Stop being dramatic. How are you and others being affected by your private activities? If you are wasting too much time or ignoring your partner and loved ones or Allah, then you might be overindulging and harming your spirit. If it is just a few minutes and no-one is affected then relax, get it over with and get on with life. If you are a young man, your testosterone levels will be high and drive you to become aroused by females. This is a normal outcome of God’s design which motivates us to reproduce.
If God did not want it so, we would not be “afflicted” with sex hormones and pleasure reward centres in the brain. Don’t cripple yourself with guilt over your desire, but try using the recommended methods to reduce any overindulgence that harms your life or relationships.
Umar
January 11, 2011 at 5:32 PM
“if it’s just a few minutes and no-one is affected then relax”
This is not the attitutude of the Muslim. It may appear to you Mantiki that this is harmless, but this is a sin against Allah. For one to trivialise any transgression is foolish as every deed will be accounted for, except that which Allah has forgiven.
To try and justify this as natural is looking upon the subject quite one dimensionally. Indeed the prophet was said that there is no trial/test greater for man than women. Understand that this is a test and in Allah’s infinite knowledge there is wisdom in that.
Mantiki
January 11, 2011 at 6:42 PM
Umar – what is the purpose of resisting pleasure? What is the specific injunction against masturbation? I know from the Bible, it stems from one of the prophets “spilling his seed upon the ground” however this was because he did not wish to father a child as supposedly ordered by God. So this seems arguable for Christians and Jews on the question of whether spilling the seed was wrong or the refusal to father a child.
Supposedly in the Bible, gluttony is one of the seven “deadly” sins. Therefore to enjoy food is acceptable but when taken to extreme as in gluttony, it becomes wasteful and selfish. The body responds to the unnatural act of gluttonous food consumption by gaining fat to the extent that we are punished by health problems from the resulting obesity.
I view pornography in the same light. It is useful to relieve stress and maintain balance. You are less inclined to view women as sex objects if you are not feeling frustrated etc. But of course, the good contributors of this forum have well established that we can become gluttonous in this regard as well. Scientifically, the explanation is that the too frequent stimulation of the reward centres in the brain becomes an end in itself. Like gambling or food gluttony, this takes us away from familial responsibility, work, sleep and worship. That is where the evil is.
I don’t believe that life is all about feeling good and satisfying urges. Self control IS good and addictions ARE evil. But to focus on small things and make the young feel wicked because of the urges built in to them by God, is also wicked. Young people have mutilated themselves or committed suicide because of this exaggerated guilt forced on to them by old men whose age has drained their own urges.
Rifai
January 12, 2011 at 1:00 PM
“what is the purpose of resisting pleasure?”
I can just see a rapist, drug addict or other such individual going down the same path of reasoning and yet one does not consider them to be correct in this assessment by any means.I know what your trying to say though.
Resisting pleasure is not an end unto itself, there are very good reasons to abstain from some types of pleasures in certain contexts. The rules for this for a Muslim come from Islam obviously.And we follow them whether we know why or otherwise.
You seem to view porn rather casually – its as though you want to say that its actually bad only if you do it too much…really?Let us say that society in general shares your viewpoint. This implies that there would be more than a bit of demand for women and men who act in this industry to “entertain” the rest. My question is are you Ok with such a women being your daughter ?Or your wife? Or mother? And of course the analog for male as well…
Tell us though if your fine with this. And if your not then why is it ok for someone else’s close relation to do this for your disgusting entertainment?
Do you know of what damage porn has caused peoples marriages? Women complaining that the men would rather watch porn than engage in the real thing. Men who dont find their partners attractive anymore and go off to satisfy themselves with prostitutes and the like (and pick up some STDS in the process). What about the young impressionable children who get their cues from porn? I have heard of anecdotal stories from doctors who have had to treat 10 – 11 years old girls for STDs or diagnose them with pregnancy. I cant imagine that they didn’t find at least some encouragement from porn.
For a form of pleasure, an urge, that can result in a new life being bought into the world it is entirely reasonable that one cant be cavalier in going about satisfying it. Marriage is for just that , even if its not in vogue as much nowadays.
Lifestyle_hunk
May 11, 2012 at 8:33 PM
Now you are doin too much bro… U have to control yourself make dua,
Always think that Allah is watching you. So that you get afraid of Allah and stop watching porn..
Hurting
December 23, 2010 at 1:51 PM
Salaam
I really want to stop looking at pornography. I have tried various methods, but have realised I need an accountability partner whom I can email every few days about my progress. This would only be for a short period of time and would not need us to exchange any personal information.
If any one is suffering from the same problem and would like to try this method out, then email me on pouyt@hotmail.co.uk.
May Allah help us to obey him and stop disobedience to him
Laila
January 5, 2011 at 3:41 AM
First off, I’m glad to see this topic is finally being discussed more openly in the Muslim community. Many times STAYING QUIET on such issues is exactly NOT HELPING the ummah. We need to talk about these issues. I believe a lot of these issues are tied into other problems the ummah is facing that don’t get attentiion like: dating (and premarital sexual relations – which is EXTREMELY PREVALENT IN MUSLIMS (everywhere) BY THE WAY!) and drug/alcohol usage (another EXTREMELY PREVALENT issue). Let us not deny the situation here (and if you’re not aware of this, you certainly need to realize it now) that: Muslims and particularly the Muslim youth are involved in such activities.
“Perhaps having a second wife might satisfy a brotherรขโฌโขs need for variety. Perhaps not รขโฌโ i canรขโฌโขt say for sure.”
For the brother who wrote this comment, no, brother I highly doubt that marrying another wife will satiate your desire for sexual variety. The second or third or fourth wife would never encompass all the “varieties” of what someone may want. You have to solve this issue yourself not through marrying ANOTHER wife. The problem lies in our “nafs” – that’s key. I do believe that marriage does cure/treat many issues such as these and definitely deters many from other sins. However, just like getting married doesn’t solve everyone’s personality/psychological problems neither can marrying multiple women solve this one. The only one who can help anyone is ALLAH.
I offer my sincerest empathy to anyone who was suffering from this addiction. I do believe that the first step to recovery though is realizing that you have something to recover. No one is perfect and as long as you realize that you shouldn’t be partaking in such a sin – then you’re one step in the direction of recovery. Be positive – you can stop this! There are many individuals who have been addicted to substance abuse etc. – there are many success stories. And, I am sure there are many NON-REVEALED success stories. Most people do not talk about their addictions at all. Don’t listen to yourself if your nafs is telling you that you can’t get over this addiction. Where this is positivity – there is success. And, ALLAH = POSITIVITY = SUCCESS! Shaytaan wants you to be hopeless and give up bc that is exactly his state.
Also, I’d like to quickly add that many MUSLIM WOMEN are suffering through this addiction as well – let’s not be sexist here that only BROTHERS are suffering through this. Wake up everyone!!
akhookum
March 3, 2011 at 10:12 PM
asssalaamu alaikum,
this is a very serious issue in the ummah. we pray to allah to guide us and keep us on the straight path. we ask his refuge from the evil whispers of shaytaan and the evil desires of the nafs.
i really like this article and the tips that the brothers have given, but i would like to add 1 important tip that we all can keep in mind.
1) eating less- the more one eats the more energetic a person feels. a person should only eat that amount which keps his back straight. especially for those who are not married.
2) for brothers who are married, you need to create love for your wives in your hearts (im not saying that those who have fallen dont love their wives). but your love for 1 thing makes you blind and deaf.
3)dont think about it- the more you think about the last time you done it, it’s like you’re counting days for the next time. so just forget about it and continue with your life, and if you have the urge then try your best to stop and busy yourself in other things (read a book, clean up, take a walk…anything).
4)dua- not only for yourselves but for all those people who have the same problem. verily the quickest dua to be accepted is the dua for the one who isnt present.
we ask allah to save us all from this disease and bring the hatred in our hearts for such sins and evil desires. aameen ya rabbal aalameen.
never stop trying and asking allah. never give up and i know some brothers dont like it but practicing a moderate level of sufism, going against what the nafs esires, dhikr and muraqaba.
we ask allah for guidance and aafiyah in all our matters of deen, dunya and akhira.
ma’assalaamah
AnonymousMislim
March 7, 2011 at 8:37 PM
I think these two lectures will inshAllaah benefit those who are suffering with this disease:
Exposing Pornography by Shayk Yassir Fazaga
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2WP3tgXQrk
The Forbidden Love by Shayk Kamal el Mekki
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHNsi4hnCa8
A technique known as the ERP that has helped others to break of this addiction, so it may be worth trying.
How to Stop Porn Addiction – Part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3txVybXysK4
How to Stop Porn Addiction – Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2eK8WbJldQ
Pingback: how could you change god's words ? - Religion and Philosophy -Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheism, God, Universe, Science, Spirituality, Faith, Evidence - Page 14 - City-Data Forum
Niaz Alam
March 14, 2011 at 8:57 PM
I just want to say, clearly and simply that:
After reading more than 95% of this website have helped reach the conclusion that this website and EACH muslim here has changed my life FOREVER.
PS Especially you Amad, I’m indebted to you
” Allah be Praised, the Prophets be Blessed, the Slaves be Honored “
Amad
March 15, 2011 at 1:30 AM
wow mashalah. That’s awesome. Makes my day. May Allah keep you upon the good you have learned and reward all of us and you for it.
I’ll be going to umrah this weekend and i’ll try to jot it down in my list to make a dua for you by name.
jazakallahkahir
Young Muslim
March 28, 2011 at 6:16 PM
Please help me,
I am only 13 but have a strong craving for porn and masturbation. Every time I commit the sin, I repent sincerely to Allah, but always end up going back to the computer. I’m not sure if pornography is a major or minor sin, but I do know that persisting in a minor sin, is a major sin. Although I always end up doing the same thing, I don’t want to, but I still can’t stop. I take nearly every opportunity to watch it. Afterwards, I feel very angry inside and guilty for the sin I have committed. Afterwards I always tell myself to stop, and promise Allah that I won’t do it again, but I have no power. I don’t want to become and addict, especially when I’m older. Some of my friend watch it but they are not Muslims.
Another point on the complicated issue of masturbation, I always thought it was good for you, and that you were supposed to masturbate twice a day. This is because:
1. It relieves stress through hormones
2. It increases the rate at which sperm are made, increasing the chances of pregnancy
Please help me.
Kilam
April 13, 2011 at 3:31 PM
Assalamu Alaikum
Dear Brothers
This website is really helpful for me to overcome porn addiction..
I Cry Each and Everyday after i have sinned…
Today i came across this wesite and my heart feels Happy on one side coz i got a very helpful website and deep pain on the other side that ” again will i go back to my porn addiction and loose my hope “.
Inshallah i am going to Make ” Things To Do’s ” Chart to Build my Iman and Strengthen My Salah and to occupy my free time with useful things..
Dear brothers lets unite and break this addiction and live a peaceful life ..
Jazakalla khair..
Amad
April 14, 2011 at 1:45 AM
We are here to support you brother. Good luck, inshallah, if you put your heart to it, you can do anything.
Kilam
April 14, 2011 at 6:13 AM
Thankyou very Much Brother Amad..
Inshallah Im Trying My Best..
I Need Your Support Always..
hurtgurl
March 8, 2012 at 11:32 PM
salaam bro can i contact you ASAP on ย MESSENGER ?
Alituuta
May 11, 2012 at 11:52 PM
Pla bro. Try fasting too, it helps….
Shamyat2011
May 12, 2012 at 12:01 AM
well im not replying to that specific i just wanted to comment on the article even though im not done reading it but about that guy who started watching or doing porngraphy from the begining when he knows its a wrong thing n is a sin god gave us a brain to think with no just follow our desires just like animals do. also like seriously its not true that if a man lives in the west it doesnt mean all girls around him
are pretty what makes the white race pretty is jus their girl
n arab women lke syrian or palestinian or lebenese are more prettier than a lot of white westren skunks who just show off thier skin for attraction even morrocan women ve beauty. the girl who won the beauty eagent of france had a syrian morrocan background n alao the 1 who won the american is lebenese. so this goes for all these rly poor men who think westren grls r prettier than arab so not true thier freakin white color has no attraction. n im a muslim arab grl who lives in the weat n know everything bout them n know all the arabic culture too the white grl in my classes r not prettier or smarter than me at least we r more smart n neat n we know how to cook too not jus party n drink lke wild animals n beauty is defined by the soul not look or the type of sweat pants the woman wears
Shamyat2011
May 12, 2012 at 12:03 AM
n islam prefers a man to marry 1 woman
Kilam
April 14, 2011 at 6:26 AM
Dear Brothers,
I Would like to share some important points which i got from a sheik which might be useful for brother like me to maintain each and every and planned.
Below is the Mail I Received…
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala shower you with guidance and tranquility. First of all, most of the Muslim scholars state that masturbation is prohibited. In your case, it dragged to something more heinous, i.e. delaying prescribed prayers. Let us conclude the following action plan which I am sure by the help of Allah will help you:
1. Keep observing all supererogatory prayers before and after the five daily obligatory prayers, i.e. two before fajr, two before zuhr, 4 after zuhr, four before Asr, two before Maghrib and two after and finally two before isha and two after ishaa.
2. Try hard to get up an hour before fajr to make tahajjud and make sincere du’aa to Allah stating to him that your slave tried all possible avenues to block evil but I am still weak and in dire need for Your help ya Rabb. Make it a habit. Allah will let you taste a kind of sweetness you have never ever tasted by committing any sin. Make du’aa during times when du’aa is mostly accepted such as on Fridays, between the call to prayer and iqamah, and after acts of worship.
3. Keep fasting on Monday and Thursday regularly.
5. Block all cables and internet that may facilitate this sin to you.
6. Lower your gaze.
7. Get married if you are able to do so.
8. Make sure that if you leave any of the things I mentioned you give a room to the Shaytan to enter and let you commit the sin again.
9. Do not forget to keep yourself pure in a state of Wudu’ all the time and make a share of the Qur’an for recitation.
May Allah bless your life and provide you with piety (taqwah) Ameen.
Kilam
April 15, 2011 at 2:50 AM
Dear Brothers,
http://www.mounthira.com
The Above web site is a very useful website for learning surahs and duas and its well organized and easy to learn.
This might be useful to keep brothers like us on tracks and to use our time usefully..
Jasmine
April 17, 2011 at 6:42 PM
It’s kind of funny reading all this stuff about being addicted to porn. I am a women, I look at porn. I actually watch it sometimes with my muslim husband. It doesn’t bother me one bit. I know quite a lot of muslim men who come to north america who now seem so liberated with women compared to how they are raised back home. Some even end up having many girlfriends even though they get married to a muslim woman and some even end up with children with some of these girlfriends. It ‘s very hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I am in the same room with their wives not to tell them about their husbands.
I have had the “sex talk “with a few of the wives on how to treat their husbands sexually. These women don’t know anything when it comes to sex. They come right from their father’s house into marriage and no one explains anything to them about sex except penetration and that can be very non satisfying for the wife. This only makes for the husbands enjoyment. They think of sex as just a chore they have to do for their husbands. So if the husbands are addicted to porn one would assume its because they are not getting the satisfaction out of their sex lives with their spouses. They get bored so they resort to porn. There is also quite a lot of mention to sex in the Quran and don’t say there isn’t. Sex with slaves and concubines. And just how old was Aisha when she was married hmmm? and had sex when she was 9> For me that is not normal.
Why not start teaching sex to some of these women so that doesn’t happen.
Also there are quite a lot of very poor example setters out there for the muslim men as well. Ask the question to some religious Saudis, where do you go on vacation? Hmmm some country where they gamble, drink , and have sex with prostitutes. And when they come back, they put on this little act again and being the perfect little muslim Saudi.
I just want to say each his own. Education is best> If there is a problem with sex addiction then ask for forgiveness and share this with your spouse even though they may think its is so disgusting, but she is part of your life. Why hide it. My husband’s not perfect, so what if he watches porn. He watches it right beside me. He is not ashamed nor embarassed about it.. Why should anyone need to hide anything from the person you will be spending the rest of your life with. We love each other.
jasmine
April 24, 2011 at 8:25 AM
He has nothing to hide. God sees what he does as he does with everything he does just as he sees what every one does.
A
April 24, 2011 at 9:12 AM
“He is not ashamed nor embarrassed” ..in that case if you have no shame do as you please coz yes God is watching… you are making sweeping statements about religious saudis, think you should look closer to home before judging others!!!!! will he still not be embarassed nor ashamed if your kids grow up to watch or partake on Porn movies???? its one thing to do things which are wrong and definitely either black or white and its something else to try and justify clear wrongs and be so blase about it and also divert attention from yourself by slagging off “religious Saudis”….. you and your husband are doing something which is islamically very wrong, dont come on a forum like this where alot of people are trying to give up a huge sin and say “there’s nothing wrong”!!!!!! if you dont want to mend your ways its between you and God but dont discourage others and dont start pointing your finger at “so-called religious people”… it’s cowardly and hypocritical!!!!! i did not mean to cause you offence but I think your comments are harmful! If you think you can stand up in front of God and justify watching porn on the day of judgement you are deluded and good luck to you, but dont brag about it without considering the implications of what you are saying!!! I would not be surprised if you are a non-muslim stirrer posting rubbish on here to misguide others who read it!!!
jasmine
April 25, 2011 at 9:12 AM
Well now….I expected this kind of reaction. No I am not one these people who put up things to incite people. Who said anything about bragging???? The truth is out there deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do the research.
Muslim Man
August 6, 2012 at 6:10 AM
Nevertheless this commenter “can’t help but stick their oar in” meaning that they ARE a “stirrer” but can’t see it in themself… usually the way when people see the wrongs of others but not so quick to spot their own mistakes.. isn’t it ironic? That the person “jasmine” posted on a forum such as this?? What kind of response did she think she would get?!
necla
April 25, 2011 at 3:35 PM
I agree with you!!!! Know about everything that they do ..even if its porn!!!
jasmine
April 25, 2011 at 8:55 PM
Do you stop loving them because they watch porn? Find out why?!!! There should be no secrets between a husband and a wife. I would rather find out he watches porn than having a sexual relationship with another woman. Believe me I have friends in that position and its not a good one. And no, no one watches in front of the children. And I know of some men who have wives and girlfriends in different countries even, they call themselves religious muslim men. Its out ther, deal with it!!!
A
April 26, 2011 at 4:49 PM
whether it is watching disgusting pornography or being in a relationship with a woman who is not the wife both are forms of being unfaithful whether the wife is or is not aware of either vice and even if she joins in with watching porn.
In front of God such people will be held to account for being involved in such atrocious acts and maybe also for being unfair to the spouse by doing so.. if you think you are ok with your situation and “dealing with it because it’s out there” I feel sorry for you that you have been normalised to such sick acts and that not only do you feel no shame in admitting it but you dont even conceal the sin because you dont even seem to regard it as a sin anymore!
I hope you take the advice of Dahir below and re-discover what really is normal and acceptable as a human and as a muslim who knows the day of reckoning does exist.
regards
Dahir
April 26, 2011 at 2:38 PM
Jasmine
You may agree that there’s something abnormal about watching people’s private parts to stimulate one’s sexual intercourse. Actually, in Psychology there is a diagnostic term for those who engage in such abnormal activity – it’s called paraphilia. The fact that millions are watching porn doesn’t make it normal. Viewing porn is ethically wrong and should be approached as such.
I am a Psychology student (final year) and part of my research involved the porn industry which i found it to be extremely immoral and sickening.Did you know that 97% of porn actresses and actors have been sexually abused as children? Did you know that suicide among porn performers is the highest and on the increase? You might even be watching the movie of a porn performer who already died. You never know.
The people you and your husband watch for sexual gratification are wounded victims of embedded childhood trauma. They all have all sorts of psychological disorders you can think of – depression, suicide ideation, anorexia, bipolar, personality disorders, body dysmorphia, mood swings and the list goes on…. No wonder why they subject themselves to such humiliating sexual acts, particularly women.
You mentioned that you and your husband don’t feel guilty or shame as a result of viewing porn. This is actually a sign of unhealthy conscience and i really advice you and your husband to seek counselling and psychotherapy.
Research has shown that the majority of people who view porn reported guilt and shame after watching it regardless whether they were religious or not. In fact, the research also indicated that even atheists felt a sense of guilt and shame after watching pornography.Ofcourse the level of these feelings vary from person to person but they all expressed this deep inner ‘police’ which makes them unconfortable while veiwing these pornographic images. I think it’s an innate thing that is wired deeply inside us all and if neglected will result in it’s death.
I hope with this new information coupled with counselling your conscience will come back to you which will allow you to see how vile pornography is.
jasmine
April 26, 2011 at 8:45 PM
lol…there is no guilt. I know he watches. Like I tried to say before its better porn than other women.
I did a test a few years back. I joined a chat website just to see which kind of males visit these sites. I used a fake name and age. As soon as I was signed in the majority of the males who wanted to speak to me were from some middle eastern country. This was very interesting that the men on these chats were middle eastern, and I assume brought up religiously.
Many a time I was asked to put the webcam on, but I refused this. Some of them even said they would turn their webcams on so I could see them…interesting facts I found.
A
April 27, 2011 at 3:16 AM
“there is no guilt” …that’s the problem!!! Just because you know about it does that mean it’s ok? Yes for you this may be better than him going to other women but the only reason you feel that way is because another woman would poise a threat as there would be a chance he may fall in love with her and these women on screen are a safer option for you and that is sad! You should not have to deal with either, your husband made a vow to respect you and he isnt doing that whether you accept this or not and whether you are religious or not!
Just as you used a fake ID on a website does it not occur to you that men “from the middle east” ay also be doing the same?! And Im not making excuses for them or any other muslim men, there are definitely many out there evn those who are known for their supposed piety who have dirty secrets, we are not living in an age where what you see is what you get, and these supposedly religious people are obviously not as god fearing as they proclaim if they are involved in porn and so it doesnt mean that its acceptable for everyone and that its not a sin in islam!
Drugs are out there…if your child came home a cocaine addict would you drive him to his supplier and say the same “its out there deal with it” ? would you say its ok coz he isnt hiding it from you or would you wnat him to relaise the consequences and harm it is doing and then help him leave the habit?!
My cousin was married to a guy who portrayed an image of being a holy man…only for her to discover he was a hardcore porn addict and because he did not admit it as being a big sin and continued to indulge, watching regular porn de-sensitised him and he needed much worse to stimulate and satisfy him, he went on to watch gay porn and afer that he acted out and got involved in seeing male prostitutes and finding one-night stands of any gender … and when she discovered it he showed some remorse for a day or so but probably sorry he got caught not at what he had been involved in, after that she like yourself was dedicated enough to want to stand by him and stay with him, but for all the good she intended he resented and abused her and abandoned her. He didnt want a second chance and he had no shame that he had out her at risk of STDs or HIV.
This is what watching porn can lead to, not just a sad loss of a person who could have been a good moraled human but it can break familiess and cause damage and emotional trauma to innocent parties too.
I would not wish it upon anyone and I hope you take atleast this comment seriously Jasmine and realise there’s nothing “funny” or cool about watching porn. You need to research on the pattern of most porn watchers and prevent your husband and yourself from going down that path where “anything goes”.
jasmine
May 15, 2011 at 12:53 PM
yes there is….love them for who they are…not what you want them to be.
Carlos
April 26, 2011 at 12:36 AM
Fascinating article. Frankly, I had this preconception that Muslims never discussed sex, because it is “dirty.” Thank you for enlightening me. Muslims can be more practical that I thought.
Anything pleasurable can be addictive. As the article points-out, pleasurable things release dopamine into the brain, and, when that is released, you actually feel that “if it feels good, it’s okay.” Pornography can be addictive, even it is not as addictive as, say, heroin. The good news is that, since it is not as addictive as heroin, it is easier to recover from.
What does one do when one views porn? Presumably, one masturbates, right? What if, when you feel one of the triggers for your porn watching, such as you realize that you you will have the opportunity to be alone with the computer, you, instead, immediately go to the bathroom and masturbate? True, it is still sad, but at least you are not viewing porn while you are doing it. And, once you have masturbated, you no longer have the urge to view porn, at least for a while. Even better, if possible, next time you think you might feel the urge to view porn, instead, make some time to be intimate with your wife that day.
Good luck. Don’t be too ashamed. Self hatred probably just makes you more vulnerable to habit and addiction. Just do your best to solve your problem. Do it for yourself. Think how much happier you will be when you feel like you have more control over yourself.
Abubakr
May 15, 2011 at 12:36 AM
My little contribution is that if you browse things like facebook, twitter, or youtube where random unexpected pictures can trigger a chain reaction, google “turn browser images off” and use one of those methods. I personally find facebook more interesting when all I see is actual content/posts instead of pictures of girls.. Think of it as an E-Hijab
Carlos
May 15, 2011 at 4:17 AM
Thanks for the tip, Abubakr.
Here is my tip: To avoid browsing porn on the internet, try doing other things on the internet. For example, try blogging on religious websites, with people from other religions. It works for me. It is very entertaining, and you get a sense that you are having a positive impact on the world, much more so than if you were just surfing porn.
Pingback: Sinning | cool stuff happens.
Yahya
June 5, 2011 at 10:44 AM
I started reading, but stopped when you placed the reason for your sins on women.
As a revert, I am embarrassed by the mentality some men have. You just further perpetuated the notion that women are nothing more than our pleasure objects, and it’s your fault that Islam is struggling as it is today. Let us not forget the reason for plural marriage- to protect the rights of those who have few. Not so we can substitute the less attractive with something more beautiful. This notion must have been something you realized in our late-night internet sessions.
I came here looking for inspiration to stop. My new inspiration is to not end up with your mentality.
Subhanallah may He guide you on a better path.
shocked
July 6, 2011 at 9:56 PM
it’s shocking to see so many muslim men suffering from this terrible addiction, such a sad reality :(
Flowerpower
July 7, 2011 at 12:33 AM
No wonder why it is so hard to find a good, single Muslim man to marry. They are too busy watching porn, screwing around and don’t need a wife. I am finding way too many guys over 30 who still single and have no legit reason to be single.
Syed Abdul
June 17, 2012 at 8:34 PM
No wonder why it is so hard to find a good, single Muslim man to marry. I am 37 years old, and I am unmarried living in the West, because I an unable to find a good single Muslim woman to marry. Stop being hypocritical and blaming Muslim men, If you feel the way you do, then go out and marry a non-Muslim man.
inni kuntu mina dhalimeen
July 7, 2011 at 4:24 AM
Listen to this truly inspiring story of a young Sahaba who aciddently happened to watch something haram…and see how he repented for it……we deliberately do it and never feel ashamed of watching it over again….May Allah protect us all…Ameen !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRq2Sfg77dA
Muslim Brother
July 7, 2011 at 10:39 AM
Assalamualikum to all..
Guys for those living in U.S. i live United Arab Emirates, a muslim country..the internet people here seriously take islamic ruling on these things if not every important issue..i pray Allah guides them on that matter too…well the net company here etisalat banned all internet websites which are linked to porn but still you get obscene stuff once in a while, not to mention viruses too, when your searching for some stuff and some random websites come up…for faceboook i use adblock plus addon from firefox so i block all profile pics..so none of the images are visible except for those which i allow like the ones of islamic fanpages…and if i want to check in on a relative’s holiday picture i have to go to his profile and open photo column,even then it doesn’t show,..then i finally click on the picture to make it visible..so this is very useful if i wanna see some family pics of some adventure trip meanwhile at the same time avoiding dirty adds or other pictures in like friend suggestion’s box…so i advise all people to use mozilla firefox espeiclly with adblock plus add on so if you can’t see the bad pictures obviously less desire..
another thing i found out…the iLoveAllah.com fanpage on facebook posted..may Allah immensly award all those people contributing…even though the net service does ban the bad sites but u still get that once in awhile bad picture not completely explicit but bad enough for a muslim…use this k9 filter software created by pc tools which doesn’t even let you search bad things let alone watch bad stuff…for example u search for a celebrity fashion site..it doesn’t come up in the google search engine..Allahu Akbaar, a very useful software i found this…aside from this it also protects u from virus and malware sites…it was originally designed for parents to monitor for their kids but i find it really useful even though i know the password to it already…it blocks bad stuff..so if i don’t see it at all…how will i get effected by it? ins sha Allah i hope it stays this way for me because i’m just 17 and i have no idea how bad it gets in your 20s or after getting married…..
here’s the link to the website http://www1.k9webprotection.com/…
it’s super safe so don’t worry guys….it also has a protection from hate racism and those type of sites…well like i said it’s meant for parents who want to monitor their kids…in this case, our sisters who are struggling with their husbands can install this on their husbands pc’s…and set up a password which only they know…so the husband is protected ins sha Allah….this will greatly reduce the fitnah…..don’t forget other things too…praying to Allah(Exalted be He) to protect us and the dhikrs and stuff….i highly advise everyone here to start fasting on Mondays and Thursdays it REALLY helps trust me…i use to have temptation moments even though i never did anything bad…alhamdulillah…but when i started fasting mondays and thursdays, which it is a recommended sunnah to fast since it’s a virtuous deed, the desires stopped by a big margin….well i hope this,by Allah’s will, helps other people on here…
May Allah protect me and every muslim out there…Ameen.
JazakAllahukhair to all…Have a nice Day…..
Mustafa
August 2, 2012 at 2:42 PM
Habibana, jazakallaahu khayran. I am really inspired that you are just 17 and mashallaah taking care of your deen.
It really pays to be Muslim in a practicing Muslim country and also to be raised Muslim.
A large part of our and my problems come from a non-Muslim environment and past. I was sexually abused when I was a child and may Allaah help us, porn just replicates the same pattern of abuse over and over again. It has taken me a long time to realise this and I am learning something new about my addictive behaviour every month.
To all those who find cause to complain and blame addicts of porn, remember: what you react to so strongly in others you only strengthen in yourselves and from an Islamic aspect: if you over blame your brother or sister in Islam for a sin they are/have committed you will yourselves fall into the same sin before you die.
Caution is strongly advised.
Muslim Man
August 6, 2012 at 5:30 AM
I have read all of this topic and the links until this post and would just like to make my comment of grateful thanks for all these articles and posts that have really helped open my eyes.
The thing is and I’d like to add that I emphatically agree with mostly all of what has been contributed up to now, particularly the last two comments, as unfortunately the worse and more diabolical problem is abuse and sexual molestation which leaves an impact on a person perhaps for their whole life if not the majority of it and I have for the past few years seen myself as a “recovering victim of abuse” although this became a justification for the wrongs and harms of seeking sexual gratification through any means regardless of it permissibility or not. In one of the comments somebody mentioned marriage as if it was the “magical solution” which is often how pople who are not married are frequently made to think especially if they are still young and never been married, which in my case proved to be the more testing sitution in my life and which I have always struggled.
My background regarding my marriage is that as a British guy with no family connections to suggest a spouse I relied on friends and even people in the Mosques to try to arrange help to find a suitable long-term spouse who would be a good match for a keen and enthusiastic brother, unfortunately nobody seemed to realise that a girl with little education and no understanding of English was compatible as a spouse for a keen brther as myself, and if it wasn’t brides from poor areas or young girls seeking to live in the UK on a British Visa it was potential brides telling me where I should live and that I should move to their country if I wanted to marry them because that was their plan!! Maybe that was a slight exageration but only ever so slight! This was not what I was seeking from a potential spouse so unfortunately for me all the arrangements to find a suitable partnerproved too tough and demanding until I found myself using online relationship sites although my heart was not in it until I met the woman who I am now married to and have been with for the past several years.
Unfortunately I found that although socially and emotionally compatible, her Christian background was at odds with my Muslim backgroung on some points, but more than her Christian background was the Western ways she was accustomed to and like me had been a victim of society. My desires for her were strong from the beginning and it was intensely difficult for me to wait which should have set alarm bells ringing for me even then, but alas I would learn that marriage wasn’t always all it was cracked up to be and much ore hard work and commitment and dedication than you could imagine.
None of this changed the fact that the addiction finally got the better of me and that I found myself trolling sites initially out of intense curiosity and to try to ascertain the truth regarding sexuality somehow through the use of the internet but it began to warp my mind as other commenters have noted and I began to feel myself becoming the fiend that I never thought myself as before at first I was in denial then I tried to ignore it, until finally something brought me by the grace of Allah to this site and to the Praise of God it has been the single most important thing I have read online that is relevant to the modern age. Many more in society are ostrich-like; head-in-sand type “denial” is the norm.. but this paraphilia as they call it is not going away and more and more people are growing up and getting hooked by the internet and by other addictions that cause them to be deprived (la’ana) of the Mercy of Allah which seriuly is the worst thing we can face in this world.. worse than sin itself.. is the curse that falls on an unrepentant sinner… so May God favour us, forgive us, and by His Good Grace guide us and have mercy on us that we may be guarded against sin and eternal damnation, inshallah.
ok
July 7, 2011 at 11:31 PM
– – When I read about you talk about taking another wife, I stopped reading and lost all respect for you.
– – Just as you cannot disclose another person’s sin, you are not supposed to disclose your own sin either. Both are haram. It is better to write about it in general terms.
Miqsh
May 12, 2012 at 7:32 AM
There were no names mentioned. So what she was doing was telling her scenario. And besides, taking another wife isn’t haram if all the concerning parties give a green light for that decision.
Younus Ahmed75
February 13, 2012 at 6:38 PM
To the brother who wrote this post,
Is there anyway I can get in contact with you through email? I find myself in the same exact position as you once were and I needed to ask you some questions.
Younus Ahmed75
February 13, 2012 at 6:39 PM
I meant Br. Ahmed, who wrote the success story.
hurtgurl
March 8, 2012 at 10:13 AM
thanks sooooo much for your post.ย
how can a wife help her husband in the situation esp. the last one?
will allowing her husband to marry another woman help?
esp. if the husband insists that this is the only solution. even though he has been able to stop it some time by doing good deeds
Fish-Finger Man
March 15, 2012 at 1:56 PM
Why is the “addict” always the husband and theย innocent, shocked victim always the wife? Women can be as addicted to porn as any man can.ย
Aye
May 11, 2012 at 8:28 PM
One of the steps in pornography addiction is stepping into the reality of having an affair. That is what my husband did. and then another and another . Now we are divorced. This Muslim man who I loved with all my heart and soul , who was my life partner, who I stopped at nothing to please him sexually ruined my life and tore my heart and soul from my existence because of this evil sin. Dont say it doesnt hurt anyone else , Dont say it is a small sin. I wanted to kill myself because of him for a long time and now I live in total loneliness and sorrow because of him . Now he is free to drive around in his Jaguer picking up women and finding them on the internet for sex. I hate him and I curse the day I ever met him. May Allah forgive me that I can not forget what he and his addiction has done to my life and myself.
Amad
May 13, 2012 at 6:08 AM
Your hurt is understandable. Usually such men will never find solace in as much sex as they can get. It is a vicious never-ending cycle.
amira
May 11, 2012 at 10:27 PM
Jazak’Allah Khair
All these stories are so heartbreaking
may we all be guarded from nafs and also shaytains whispers
Aye
May 11, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Ameen
Ahz84
May 12, 2012 at 7:31 AM
I am not an expert but that sister who’s husband checking porno need to relax. She is exaggerating too much. I am in shock that she went to chat rooms to chat ‘dirty’ and then nagging about her husband. How wrong is that?
A word of advice men are like hunters by nature and women like protector- don’t swap things around and take revenge it ll end ur marriage ( I hope not) .
Syed Abdul
June 17, 2012 at 8:29 PM
First of all, I am sick of everybody blaming Muslim men all the time. Muslim women are as much to blame for why many Muslim men are addicted to pornography. In fact, they are the chief culprits leading their men to get addicted to pornography.
Yosef
July 10, 2012 at 2:39 PM
chief culprits? get real, half the time these issues develop highschool-University, were the guys are not married so there is no women involved to blame, ‘Blaming muslim men’ maybe thats because its the men that have the addiction,
Syed Abdul
June 17, 2012 at 8:31 PM
Most women, including many Muslim women in the West, have become career driven, because of feminism, and as such they are not providing for their families and meeting the needs of their husbands. In addition, many Muslim who are unmarried are so, because most of the Muslim, especially in the West, are not of good character.
Acs
June 27, 2012 at 5:46 PM
http://depositfiles.com/files/crvi167rm very informative book about this topic, it’s called the porn trap
anon
August 2, 2012 at 5:34 AM
Step 1 to kick this habit is realize and admit that you have a problem. If u think and convince yourself that watching porn is healthy then you can never get rid of it.
You are telling me you are watching it out of addiction but despise yourself and your habit everytime you do it but still cant kick the habit and you dont know why? Its because you dont hate that sin hard enough. Its because you dont love Allah more than yourself. Its because you really dont know how big of a sin it is. For married brothers, you dont really care about how ur wife feels. By watching porn and not coming to ur wife for ur needs ur denying her her right on top of cheating her and commiting zina.
Your urge to quit should be stronger than your urge to watch and only then you can quit. Make your dua sincere. Really have the intention to quit. Cry to Allah and ask for help. ALLAH never made a problem without a solution. It only has to come from within. No one can help you but yourself first and then Allah. Think about the hell fire. Picture yourself burning in it everytime you do it.
anon
August 2, 2012 at 6:02 AM
One of the advises is come to your wife. What if he has told his wife having sex with her is too much work and hes too tired to spend that much time and effort coming to her and would rather masturbate. And he tells his wife he is unable to get excited by looking at her despite all her efforts to give hom the visuals he needs. But on the flip side it doesnt take him a munute ti get excitd thinking about watching porn. Or what if he tells his wife she shoud watch with him because its healthy. What if he purposely does not come to his wife for his needs because he thinks its too much work and his wife (women) dont really need to be sexually satisfied . How do you work or live with such a person?
Umm ASA
August 2, 2012 at 11:49 AM
If the wife can bear her situation patiently, she can try to influence her husband and encourage him in his efforts to stop.
If she fears she cannot fear Allah while being married to a person who does not satisfy her needs, she is better off leaving him.
charice silva
August 4, 2012 at 3:49 PM
can anyone helped me how to report a muslim guy who is a sex maniac on facebook????http://www.facebook.com/mohammed.mehesen this is his profile link i blocked him up on my profile he was an ex bf of mine when i declined to get married with him he started to post edit photos of mine and telling everyone that im a bad woman cant i have a freedom to choose whom i gonna marry and beside i just stayed with him bec. i was afraid of all his blackmailing this but this is too much already he is destroying my whole life and my daughters future life,im a single mother and trying to establish a life of my own when i got to know him but i never thought that he is this freaking maniac ive tried to report what he is doing on fb but still he is getting away from it coz a friend of mine who is threatened by him as well says this guy is a rich and famous guy in cairo i want to have a peace of mind and i want my daughter’s future to be a fruitful one not like we are rats hiding from here to there becoz of what he is posting and sharing to other muslim guys via net that degrades my dignity as a woman
charice silva
August 4, 2012 at 3:55 PM
can this guy be punished by the law that you are following in your muslim community. this is another facebook acct. of him.https://www.facebook.com/mohammedmehesen.mohammed can anyone help me how to report this man or get this man in jail in cairo if you want evidence i can provide you evidences to support my complain. he need to be punished and learn how to respect a woman’s decision,i want an immediate reaction and action regarding this matter. plsssssssssssssssssssssssss do HELP ME OUT for my DAUGHTER’s future life
Wahab
August 7, 2012 at 11:37 PM
Porn Reduces the Mind, Degrades the Self and Deflates the Spirit.
It’s satan’s whisper, satan’s dance, satan’s song, satan’s temptation.
Let’s not succumb to it.
Ramadan Kareem n Happy Eid to all Muslims.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kks-92vd0Lk
M.F
August 8, 2012 at 2:26 PM
i need help. i fear that my desires are dragging me into the pits of the Hell fire. please can anyone give me some practical advice on how I can stop this.. I dont want to ruin my akhirah, my imaan or my future marriage, any help would be appreciated :(
Mustafa
August 8, 2012 at 9:32 PM
MF, as a brother in the same situation all I can tell you is what I am experimenting with right now to help me with this addiction:
1) The first and most important thing is to stop fighting. I have come to realise that only Allaah can help me. I cannot help myself. I have surrendered to the addiction and await Allaah’s mercy and help.
2) Second is to become aware of sexual arousal during normal times in the day. Sexual arousal, even erection, should be the exception and really should only happen when a person has their spouse in front of them and in the moment.
With this addiction I find that a build up of semen comes first, then arousal and then the thoughts that want to trigger that arousal into ejaculation then porn to replace those thoughts with more graphic images to make sure ejaculation happens. By turning my attention fully to and really feeling what that arousal is like, it takes power away from it and causes it to subside.
Porn watching is the culmination of our normal state of thoughts during the day: sexualised thoughts because of a need to cum will lead to porn, masturbation and other haram things.
3) When walking the streets a man cannot avoid seeing women and in some cases they are very beautiful and doubly so if they are showing some erogenous zone(s). In this situation, if my eye does come across such a woman I acknowledge what I see, without thought, before turning my attention away to carry on my business as normal.
By going to extremes and quickly turning the gaze away or even refusing to acknowledge what is in front of me will only intensify the sexual urge and I have been there where my gaze has been lowered in the day, only to act out internet porn once I got home.
The Islamic advice on lowering the gaze as I understand it is that the first look is forgiven and we should not really take a conscious second glance. Islam is balanced: to turn away quickly or refuse to look is I believe exactly the same as looking twice.
The biology on this, as I understand it, is that the limbic system (lower brain) is responsible for seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. I see it as the Defence Department of the body. It is subordinate to the higher brain of higher intelligence (Civil government). When a woman comes into view it sends a report to the higher consciousness that there is an opportunity to procreate and therefore survive our genes. It is up to the higher consciousness to take a moral stand on whether that is a good idea as the limbic system does not do morality.
If the higher brain does not acknowledge the limbic system’s report then the limbic system will fear impeding doom and send the report in even stronger terms and will carry on doing so until it decides to launch a coup and overthrow the higher consciousness.
In the case of not acknowledging, without thought or judgement, the first sight of a woman the limbic system takes it as a threat and sends the sexual arousal (pleasure) signal even stronger. By acknowledging — without thoughts like ‘she is beautify’, ‘Look at her ****’ — the sight, we let the limbic system know that the report has been received. The limbic system is then happy with whatever decision we make. May Allaah make it that which is pleasing to Him.
4) Wearing tight underwear. Sounds funny but I read or heard somewhere that tight riding shorts and cycling can have adverse effects on sperm production. As, even according to the great Imam Abu Hanifah, sperm causes ‘madness’. I have decided with tentative success to wear sexy tight men’s underwear. Paradoxically, they feel sexy but I don’t as one of the benefits of tight but comfortable underwear to airy shorts is that it is not so easy to have an erection as they keep it down:0
5) Awareness is the greatest agent for change and Allaah says in the Qur’an to the meaning more or less: ” That is so because Allah will never change a grace which He bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves. And verily, Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower.” (8:53)
My current understanding from experience of this verse is that my state of awareness, that is not taking my thoughts to be me, not deriving my sense of identity from my thoughts so when they say ‘I’ or ‘You’ or ‘they’ I don’t believe it is me that is saying those things, this ‘practicing living in the present moment’ (or khushu in everyday life) is what I need to change in myself before my external situation (porn addiction) can change.
For more on what I have said above see: http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/Watch-A-New-Earth-Web-Classes-on-Oprahcom
May Allaah help us all.
Shabab Al-Kahf
November 3, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Like Young Men of Kahf, the best solution is to disconnect yourself from dajjalic web, and use it only in the office to earn halal rizq. It has done more shar to ummah than khayr.
sarah
February 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM
my name is sarah and i literally loved this article….i dont visit porn sites i just read erotic stories sometimes to satisfy myself and i literally feel ashamed after reading them..i have never watched any porn movie nor do i see naked pictures of men or women but still reading erotic stories is a sin and i literally want to get rid of this habit..i want to be a good muslim who follows Allah’S PATH i don want to do this sin again and again even i promise Allah and myself that i would keep myself away from committing this sin but after some time i loose control over myself….
i want to know does it makes me zani plzzz i want you to pray for me plzzzz i love Allah so much and it hurts me when i think about my sins plzzzzzzzzzz do pray for me
Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi
February 9, 2013 at 2:45 AM
Sister Sarah
Giving you advice from some counseling I did for someone who was addicted to this type of erotic literature, it is not easy. While a vast majority of people prefer audio-visual stimulation (pictures and movies), some people are more affected by this “intellectual” stimulation. However, like any addiction the first step is realizing you are doing something wrong (which you have) and feeling remorse for it (which you are). Next step is to make sincere dua to Allah (SWT) for His guidance and help. The other thing is to replace this addiction with something halal. Thus, when you feel the need to read this type of literature, you need to first stop the shaitan from his accursed whisperings. Recite Auzoo billahi min as-shaitan ar-rajeem, go make wudoo, and do tasbih or pray two nafil. In addition, you can substitute with reading some light fiction that is not erotic in nature.
If you are married, turn to your spouse from support. Sex is a primal urge and so turning to the channel that Allah (SWT) has provided for fulfilling this hunger is the best way. If you are not married, use the advice of the Prophet (SAW) to fast. It will help cut down on your urges InshaAllah.
These steps helped the brother I counseled and I pray to Allah (SWT) that it helps you also.
-Aly
*This comment is made in a personal capacity and does not reflect the views of MM or its Comments Team*
Abdullah
September 2, 2013 at 12:03 PM
Do you want to recover your self from this addicton that is really hard to recover it self.
Than brother Zeyad Ramadan has a website and has alot of programs where Breaking free Program is the best to recover from Pornography, where alot of muslims had recovered from benefits of this program. Years past and they are sobriety thanks to Allah’s help first then brother zeyad and others.
Do not get late, join this program and u’ll Recover in sha ALlah. Every second is important.!
http://www.Purifyyourgaze.com
saadz
October 29, 2013 at 6:23 PM
assalamalikum brother
I am in real distress. and quite desperate so wanted to talk this out.
I am so ashamed of my self. I have committed a grave sin and want you advice on how I can repent and get rid once and for all from this dirty addiction.
I have been addicted to visiting prostitutes for the last 5 years , ever since i left home and have been studying/working outside. I was living my life in a very rabid and ugly way. As they say i was only a muslim by name.
However this Ramzan, i started taking things differently and have been praying 5 times alhamdullilah. I also took a oath on the Quran that i will never visit prostitutes and stay away from these vices. However during this whole while I cudnt keep myself away from masturbation, i tried many things but i just cudnt control.
now I have commited the biggest sin…. I am really ashamed to say this …. yesterday i dont know what overcame me and I visited a prostitute again…. Eversince i am feeling so bad and guity to the core … I hv prayed and asked Allah for forgiveness …. but I have broken a oath taken on the quran …. I just cudnt control myself …. Please guide me …. i really want to change …. what can i do … praying 5 times and still engaging in this kind of act has been killing me ….
Pingback: Single Ever After | Islam21C
majhool
November 24, 2013 at 10:14 PM
This discussion has been ongoing for a few years I see. Much good has already been said, but I would like to make a small contribution for myself first, and then for anyone else who might benefit.
*Anyone just starting out, “testing the waters” so to speak…RUN as fast as you can in the other direction. You still have your sense of shame intact, so when you think to yourself ” I’ll just try it this one time to see what it’s like to let off some steam from all of this stress”, realize that it very soon can become a habit, and then part of your character. Once you wind up there, it can come back, even years later, even when you’re married, migrated to a better environment, whatever other life goals you have which you think are the reason why you’re falling into fitnah now for not having. So RUN now while you’re still better off.
*Spouses of either gender, please realize there are so many very simple, easy things you can do which go a long way in helping your spouse to not stray. So many times, we practice a sort of emotional misery, not wanting to show the other that we go out of our way for them, and this is often a form of pride. It only takes very minimal effort for a husband or wife to stop what they’re doing, hug and kiss their spouse, and show them how much they’re appreciated. If you fill this void, the other temptations greatly shrink, yet many, many people just won’t do this.
*Besides sex, we all get married out of a need for companionship. The trouble is when we shut down, it seems like no big deal to us, but really hurts the other person and makes it worse than being single sometimes. I was alone and lonely, and got married. Every time my wife acted too busy for me, it put me in grave danger of fitnah. Not an excuse, just looking at factors, so please consider how little effort it is to just put down the housework or book or laptop or whatever for a minute and listen to eachother and show life, love and enthusiasm, instead of acting “cool” for some twisted concept that you’re helping your integrity by not showing emotional effort. You’re only opening doors of fitnah for your husband or wife, especially now with smart phones and internet surrounding us at all times. Don’t bring laptops, tablets and phones into bed with you and NEVER shut down on each other.
*Lastly, being anonymous, I want to post something for my own benefit in sha allah. I HAD a problem with pornography. I say had because I feel completely resolved to never go back to it in sha allah, and I’m leaving this footprint in public where I can go back and look at it if I ever feel weak again.
To myself: If you ever do this again, think how much pain and shame you will feel while you do it, and then the ton of bricks after you do it, and every time you see your wife who does everything for you, and only married you because she thought well of you.
Make dua for me to become the good man I had planned to be as a kid, before I got corrupted, and remember it’s never too late to start a new life. Allah is so forgiving and merciful, he gives us constant opportunities to get hasanat, even rewarding us for not acting on plans to sin, even for having sex with our wives, even when we do sin it’s only recorded as one, while good deeds are increased.
Oh Allah, I have no excuse to make, and no stregnth but am only a sinner seeking forgiveness. Your slaves like me are many, but I have no lord but you. There is no refuge except in you. I ask you the request of he who lowers to you his neck, and presses his nose to the ground, and whose eyes stream with tears, to forgive me for every offense and to make me good and obedient to you for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry for wasting my life with sin and not being grateful through obedience to you for all of the uncountable favours you have bestowed upon me, and evils you have saved me from.
I love my lord who has given me everything I asked, and made my life easy, and I regret and repent of my sins.
Allahuma sally ala nabeana muhammad
monis
December 17, 2013 at 3:39 PM
I need a advice and help from the scholar here, can I get that. where??
mohammad
January 13, 2014 at 1:39 AM
Following websites immensely helped me to break free from this addiction cycle. I strongly recommend going through their emails, videos, and other resources and following their tips to solve this issue.
purifyyourgaze.com
ipersonalenrichment.com
curethecraving.com
http://www.feedtherightwolf.org
The first two websites are for Muslims whereas the last two are for everyone. Also, most of the resources in the first two websites requires fees whereas the last two offer a lot of tools/information without any charges. I highly recommend taking the whims-i-kill course in ipersonalenrichment.com since it deals with all kinds of whims/desires, not just porn addiction. But even if you only rely on the free services from the other three websites, you should be able to break free from the addiction cycle, ISA. May Allah help you in this battle. JK.
123hi
January 13, 2014 at 12:26 PM
Highly recommend:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-benefits-do-people-see-as-they-reboot
Pingback: Major Sin vs. Minor Sin – Yasir Qadhi | Islamic Students' Blog
Sima
January 29, 2014 at 6:33 PM
Assalaaamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
I just want to say jazaakAllahu khair
La quwwata illa billah
Alhamdulillah, maasha’Allah
This article addresses issues in the mind and heart of a person dealing (i think) with any addiction
And this article speaks to the reality of sin but also to the reality of beleiving in the Help of Allah Ta’ala…fighting ones nafs, taking ahold of ones self, being able to recover, being able to transform, and what many addicts despair of – being able to change, permanently
Insha’Allah
Tis article reminds the reader bi’idhnillah that they can rise out from the dark depths of sin
BaarakAllahu feekum
Please keep me in your du’a
daring
April 10, 2014 at 4:22 AM
Assalam Alaikum
Borthers and sisters in faith
I want to tell you guys that sadqa is a great weapon against this evil. When you give sadqa then
Allah protects you from it. I can feel a force that is trying to block my access to these things etc.
Further Salat(namaz/praying 5 times a day). This is another blessing of Allah that is very effective.
Regards
Pingback: How to Create a Muslim-Friendly Tablet or Smartphone for your Children – Part I
Fighting addiction
July 24, 2014 at 9:57 AM
For other brothers stumbling on this addiction, a method I am following
1. Create a new email address. Change its password to random characters which you do not remember. Copy this password and keep it on a notepad (in your PC) temporarily.
2. Install a software like K9 (http://www1.k9webprotection.com/) which has many features which a tech-savvy individual would be able to set.
3. Use the above new email as the user id for the blocking software and the random characters as the password.
4. Delete the password from your notepad.
5. Use a service like whensend.com which sends email on a future date. Send this random character password to your personal email address at a future date. This step will ensure that you can modify the K9 settings in the future if you want to.
Better is skip step 5 and just delete the random character password. You will have no way of bypassing the filter software installed in your computer.
Do this immediately after a session and your guilt is at the highest.
In sha Allah, it will work. Do lots of duas. In my opinion, this is the modern day jihad.
Pingback: The Porn Pandemic hits our Ummah - 1st Ethical Charitable Trust
Pingback: เฆชเฆฐเงเฆฃเฆเงเฆฐเฆพเฆซเฆฟ เฆเฆธเฆเงเฆคเฆฟ: เฆญเงเฆพเฆฌเฆนเฆคเฆพ เฆ เฆฎเงเฆเงเฆคเฆฟเฆฐ เฆเฆชเฆพเง | เฆเฆฟเฆจเงเฆคเฆพเฆถเงเฆฒ เฆฎเงเฆธเฆฒเฆฟเฆฎเงเฆฐ เฆฌเงเฆฒเฆ
rafi
October 11, 2016 at 3:09 PM
May Allah help all of the addictives in getting ride of this Fahishah