#Islam

Motherhood – An Answered Dua

Published

January 28, 2016

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By Umm Yusra

Have you ever spent all your nights and days making dua for one specific thing? I mean crying your eyes dry in the darkness of the night, asking Allah to give you something? I have!

And Alhamdhulillah, by the infinite Mercy of Allah, He answered my dua. She’s called Yusra.

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This is a deeply personal post and I didn’t think I could ever have written about it. But I want to now – for other sisters who might be feeling what I felt. It’s about being a wife, a woman and not being able to have children. For various reasons, including cultural/societal, family, individual desire, as women we want children. It’s an innate human need.

But when this want or need becomes desperation it can lead to unhappiness. Over time you can even start to resent yourself. I’m not saying every woman feels like this. But I did. Not always, but I had my moments.

So here’s my story. It took me just over 5 years to conceive during which time I made lots of visits to the hospital, had tons of tests done. If anyone is aware of the NHS in the UK, they know, it was a very lengthy process. I hate hospitals. I’m not a great fan of talking to medical professionals, especially about personal female related things. But it had to be done. SubhanAllah, I can’t truly express how scared I used to be the night before each appointment. After many checks, embarrassing conversations, nasty treatments and painful surgery, the doctors finally told me they didn’t know what was wrong. It could take a few months or many years for me to conceive. Or never!

However, this post isn’t about the medical side of things. This is about a woman’s heart. A heart that at times can deal with the entire world and its burden, but at other times it just stops and cries. And nothing in the entire world can wipe away those tears. That’s how I had become. I was at an awkward age where I felt time was clicking away. I was surrounded by all these lovely sisters who held their beautiful babies when I met them. And I had family members who never actually said anything about me not having a baby, but I knew they would look at me thinking, what’s up with her. It might have all been in my head, but it was there. And I was living with it daily.

Not having much confidence whilst growing up didn’t help, and with the addition of yet another thing, it made me feel there was something ‘wrong’ with me. It was extremely silly of me to look at things this way but when we are at our weakest and shaytan is constantly whispering to divert our intentions, we can think in all sorts of ways.

As the years went by the pain somehow got worse. I mean the heartache. I think what hurt the most was knowing that because of me, my husband was losing out on being a father. That feeling of not being able to give someone something – something that would bring them happiness – can become very burdening. Like most men, my husband isn’t very expressive. He never actually said much about this, which I think at times made me feel worse even though I knew I was reading too much into it. But alhamdhullillah he was there. He was there on those nights I would cry my eyes out and blabber on about being sad.

Although it was a test for both of us, I think I was the weaker one, therefore I didn’t deal with it very well. But as the heartache increased so did my duas. And that’s what I want to share here. Through this journey of seeking motherhood, I now realise Allah gave me the perfect opportunity to gain closeness to Him . This closeness didn’t come about based purely on my desire for a child. It was the realisation of Allah’s Mercy, Kindness and Plans that brought about closeness. I made it a point to not only look for specific duas but to read the translation and the tafsir too. Through doing this I learnt so much about how the pious Prophets were tested in the same way. I remember one night crying so much from reading about Prophet Ayyub [as] losing all 14 of his children overnight that the pages of my mus’haf got wet.

What I didn’t realise is that the more I read about the prophets and their tests, the heaviness in my heart decreased. It sounds extremely selfish, but for the first time in my life I was truly able to appreciate that the prophets were also human and carried the same emotions you and I do. I’m not saying that before this I thought they were all magical creatures that felt no pain. I think I used to think they were able to deal with it better so maybe didn’t feel as much pain. The truth is that they did, but what made them better is their steadfastness. They never doubted Allah’s Decree and they continued to make dua.

The first 10 verses of surah Maryam bring me a level of comfort that nothing else does. Reciting them and then reading about Zakariyyah’s [as] plea to Allah for an heir – subhanAllah my heart understands that plea, it feels the pain in the words. And so, the more time I spent learning from the Quran about how Allah tested His prophets with the test of childlessness, the better I was able to keep myself composed when I felt sad. My heart still felt pain, but it no longer felt stupid. I loved my Creator more than ever for allowing me to be tested in this way.

Not being able to have children doesn’t make you any less of a woman. That is probably one of the most important lessons to learn when understanding tests and tribulations – that it isn’t the test that determines who you are but the way we react is what makes us who we are! As Muslims, no matter what comes our way we must remain firm in our belief in being a servant of Allah, and that is our only true identity.

Alhamdhulillah, Allah showered His Mercy upon me and granted me a child but it doesn’t mean I am no longer tested. We must know that until the last breath we take, we will be tested. We may be tested in all kinds of ways in life, but we will be tested. Some of us are tested in matters of money, others with health and sadly many of our ummah are tested with the severity of absolute tyrant rulers.

If you’re a sister experiencing anything similar to what I did, then please know my dearest sister, you’re not alone. Know that many before us were tested in the same way and know that others who may have been blessed with children are being tested in different ways. What brings comfort is knowing that it is not what befalls us that shapes who we are, but that it is a Decree of our Creator that helps us turn to Him in our time of need.

Don’t lose hope, know that the real reward is with Allah. We might be given what our heart desires in the dunya, but what awaits us inshaAllah is much more superior. Imagine how lovingly Allah looks down at His servant when the servant shows sabr when facing a calamity.

Those 5 years of my life were difficult and very testing but looking back at it now, I know that is when I turned to Allah in sincerity. Something I may not have been able to do if I wasn’t feeling the pain in my heart.

Use what you are tested with as a means to gain closeness to Allah (my mother’s words), and then inshaAllah the burden doesn’t seem too heavy even though it is still there. From all the stories in the Quran and my own experience, I now know that the most important aspect of dua isn’t when it’s answered, it’s the conversation you have with Allah, the one where you’re destitute and He is Supreme.

May Allah help us with all that He sends our way.

Below are some duas from the Quran that sisters can recite inshaAllah.

3_38

O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation. (3:38)

O My Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors. (21:89)

Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun (25:74)

My Lord! Grant me (offspring) from the righteous. (37:100)

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26 Comments

Safiya Iman

January 29, 2016 at 1:23 AM

I just love whoever wrote this :) i wish if i can find her name…
May Allah Bless her in everything in sha Allah

Reply
- Umm Yusra
  
  January 29, 2016 at 2:34 AM
  
  Assalamu alaikum, wow didn’t realise it got published here. Alhamdhulillah. I’m Umm
  Yusra from gildeddunya.com – jazakAllah khair for the message.
  
  Here’s the original – http://gildeddunya.com/2014/10/27/motherhood-an-answered-dua/
  
  Reply
  - Sumeera
    
    January 29, 2016 at 5:01 AM
    
    Asalaam alaikum sister… This was EXACTLY my story too subhanAllah!
    its as if i wrote this myself. Thank you for sharing this-all this time i wasnt the only one then.c
    
    Reply
  - Faiza
    
    January 29, 2016 at 6:50 AM
    
    Your story is so truly touching. Beautifully written!
    
    Reply
  - Umm yusra
    
    January 29, 2016 at 5:22 PM
    
    Lovely …. And i can relate to you. I am umm yusra too. It took me eleven years to have Allah’s gift… And i named her yusra too. I can relate to everything you wrote,i did exactly what u described.
    
    Reply
  - Farah
    
    June 28, 2016 at 8:35 PM
    
    Jazakallah Khairun for sharing such a very personal experience with us. It’s so heartfelt I’m crying for the pain you went through. But the lessons you’ve learned and shared are very real and inspiring. Thank you for helping others to see the lessons in our trials. May Allah bless you and your family. Xxx
    
    Reply
- Fatima
  
  January 31, 2016 at 3:23 PM
  
  ALHAMDULILAH ! Too beautifully expressed and true faith of a mu’mineen .
  
  Reply
  - cliveey
    
    January 31, 2016 at 3:43 PM
    
    Are you not allowed to be angry with the Almighty for your plight? Are you there just to be subservient. Surely a truse loving relationship allows you to complain and bemoan your situation. Are we required to be dumb obedient robots or is this a rwo wat felationship with our loving creator? Worldly leaders may ask us to be frightened, dumb and never complain, just slaves and robots. I have greater faith in the one who made us and gave us individual identities. If you only fear God, where is the love?
    
    Reply
Umm Yusra

January 29, 2016 at 2:36 AM

Assalamu alaikum. JazakAllah khair for sharing my article. Can you kindly link my name to http://www.gildeddunya.com

Reply
- Hamdiya
  
  January 29, 2016 at 5:27 PM
  
  Masha Allah. Wonderful piece my sister. May Allah bless our offsprings.
  
  Reply
نشا

January 29, 2016 at 6:36 AM

SubhanAllah.. This is exactly how I feel… Especially the part regarding my husband. Sisters keep me in your duas insha Allah… I to want ذرية طيبة امين

Reply
Ashma Khanani Moisa

January 29, 2016 at 6:57 AM

Salaam, I feel as if you just described what I went through with my challenges for 7 years with coming close to death & 7 pregnancies. Till I was blessed with my Fatima. I felt ashamed to ask Allah SWT for another child and I read Surah Maryam that I named second child Isa. My gifts fromAllah SWT and the reward in believing in him that my Dua was answered not once but twice. Tests are always there but theses are blessings of knowing your creators is listening. I am also 2 time cancer survivor, I feel blessed to know what my purpose is in my life with theses tests, yet another blessing from my Lord.

Reply
- cliveey
  
  January 29, 2016 at 12:47 PM
  
  Thecomment re is great danger in this well expressed and well intended comment from Ashma. Many of us pray for things that are important to us and close to our heart. It can be for the recovery from cancer of someone who is close to death – a person we love dearly. It can be for our children being succesful in their studies and careers. Prayer is sometimes answered and sometimes not. Sometimes prayers are fulfilled for us in a differnet way to what we expect. The danger in Asma’s comment is that it can make a person who is facing difficulties feel dreadful and an even deeper failure if for some reason yheir prayers are not answered. They may not just feel a failure at bearing a child but also a failure at praying. … even a bad Muslim or whatever faith they hold.
  It could even accentuate the pain and have the person believeing the creator does not love them which is surely the big lie. But you clearly spoke with great kindness Asma and can be proud.
  
  Reply
Quran Classes

January 29, 2016 at 6:35 PM

Masha Allah. Wonderful piece my sister. May Allah bless our offsprings.

Reply
Raeesa

January 30, 2016 at 4:53 AM

How beautiful! Really gives me the perspective that I needed

Reply
Sofia

January 30, 2016 at 5:36 AM

May Allah bless all my beautiful sisters who are waiting with sabr and pious miracle children. Ameen.
I waited 10yrs before Allah answered, and now I cannot even remember our pain. ?

Reply
Raziya

January 30, 2016 at 8:09 AM

Mashaallah. May Allah make everything ease for all of us.

Reply
Abiodun

January 30, 2016 at 1:32 PM

JazakAllah Khairain for sharing this experience. I have pick some other beautiful prayers here..May Allah continue to bless us all and grant us our utmost heart desires. Aminn

Reply
- cliveey
  
  January 30, 2016 at 2:33 PM
  
  But surely we need to accept that not all our utmost hearts desires are met. Not all our hearts desires and not everyones. Yes that is what teh Almighty may wish for us, but, for whatever reason, it does not always happen. Nobody should in any way feel a failure because they pray and do not get the r4esults they so want. Our hearts desires may cahnge over time as we mature. We have been blessed with life and should not get driven down one track in order to enjoy it. Many people live good happy fulfilled caring lives without having children.
  Above all do not hurt others when their paryers do not get answered – that is selfish.
  
  Reply
Ameenah

March 16, 2016 at 8:13 AM

Thank you for this piece. It’s as if you are in my life right now. I know it’s a test from Allah and it will pass soon Insha Allah, though it hasn’t been easy. I am grateful for my spouse and siblings.

Reply
Aalia

June 29, 2016 at 5:36 PM

Mashallah sory I little undrstan d ask dua for me I didn’t have house to stay

Reply
- nemomil
  
  October 26, 2016 at 3:37 PM
  
  Sister Aalia, may Allah give you a house to live in under His protection.
  
  Reply
Zia-e-Taiba

November 12, 2016 at 7:46 AM

Nice Article!! Everybody should also visit the link for complete online Quran Tilawat with Translation

Reply
As the heart heals

July 17, 2017 at 5:07 PM

JazakAllah Khair for sharing your story. It is true Allah tests us all in different ways. He gives to some, He keeps away from some and takes from some and it is all a test. May Allah give us the strength to get through the tests we are put through. I went through the test of losing a daughter after carrying her through a full term pregnancy. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. Can you imagine holding your baby after giving birth to them and saying good-bye and burying them? The only thing that gave me peace was accepting that this was the decree of Allah and I could have done nothing to have changed it and that I will inshaAllah meet her in Jannah one day where I will finally see her with her eyes open and I will see her smile, coo and move, and I will cuddle her inshaAllah – all that i crave for in this dunya. InshaAllah it isn’t too far away. Alhamdulillah for the mercy of Allah even in the tests He puts us through.

Reply
Asra

October 16, 2017 at 10:35 AM

I felt as if I was reading my own story.
I agree with what u hv mentioned here

Reply
Zaina

January 12, 2019 at 2:53 AM

That was absolutely beautiful may Allah bless you and your Yusra for
Sharing such a wonderful story with other muslimahs going through hard times. Gives so much hope. Jazakallah khair

Reply