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FearBusters: Fear of Loss of Love

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See Previous parts: FearBusters: Conquering our Fears, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Part 4: Fear of Loss of Love

To address this fear I’m going to share with you something extremely personal, which I have never truly shared with anyone. The reason I am choosing to do this is because it is the best example that I know of overcoming the fear of loss of love.

Many years ago I was married to a wonderful God-conscious woman who loved me very dearly and whom I loved very dearly. We had our rough patches during our marriage, mainly because of outside influences and not being able to manage them properly, but throughout it all we maintained our love and affection for one another. It was a kind of love that you see in movies, it is the kind of love that still lingers in our hearts years after we have gone our separate ways.

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Unfortunately, I did not know how to manage the outside forces that caused negativity in our marriage and we ended up getting a divorce. Immediately following the divorce, I think we were both devastated but I forced myself to become very busy and tried not to think about things too much. She also kept busy and coped with the situation as well as anyone I’ve ever seen cope with a “tragic” loss of love.

Why I’m mentioning all of this is that we have spoken from time to time throughout the years after our divorce, and what amazes me about my ex-wife and has been a great lesson for me is the strength of her faith. I took her love for granted and recognize now that her love for me was special and unconditional; however it pales in comparison to her greatest love, which is her love for Allah. This is the reason why she has always remained happy and, to this day, lives with the great positive spirit and energy that she has always had.

For many people (women in particular) the fear of losing love is completely debilitating. This fear is oftentimes based on more of a sense of comfort and belonging than anything else. When you’re married to the same person for a long time, it becomes like a part of your being, and to lose that would be to lose a part of your own self, a part of your own heart. This fear seems quite normal at first, but when you really dig deep you realize that it is a state of reliance on the other person that may become so powerful and overwhelming that it supersedes your reliance on Al-Wakeel (The One Who is Relied Upon or The Caretaker).  Oftentimes, this fear is so strong that people stay in toxic relationships only because they are debilitated by the fear of what might happen if they choose to walk away from the relationship. In cases of abusive relationships this fear becomes even more profound, because the spirit of the individual being abused has been damage and oppressed. Their self-belief and internal strength becomes weakened through the abuse, so this fear becomes even more pronounced.

Principle to Overcome this Fear: Make the greatest love of your life the love of Allah

I cannot overstate how incredibly important this principle is. Like the example of my ex-wife, when the greatest love that you have in your heart is the love of Allah, then you can deal with any and all tests that come your way. When Allah is the One you cry to, the One you pour your heart out to on a daily basis, then the fear that you have is removed. I will end this article by reminding you again of what Allah says in the Quran:

 46_13

Indeed, those who have said, ‘Our Lord is Allah‘ and then remained on a right course – there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve.” (46:13)

 

Up NextPart 5 Fear of Old Age

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Adnan Jalali is a former School Teacher and Principal/Head Master turned Leadership Trainer, Executive Coach and International Keynote Speaker. Adnan is the founder of The Jalali Group (jalaligroup.com), a Consulting firm focused on Leadership & Personal Development. The mission of the Jalali Group is to develop inspirational leaders across the globe. Adnan received his Bachelor’s Degree in Geography from Texas State University and a Master’s Degree in Educational Leadership from the University of Houston. He holds a Teacher’s and School Director’s License in Texas and is a certified Leadership Trainer, Coach and Speaker with the John Maxwell Team. He is currently working on a project to develop inspirational leaders in Colombia, South America.

9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. Amadou Drammeh

    April 7, 2015 at 6:37 AM

    really educative

  2. muslim

    April 7, 2015 at 1:19 PM

    this. this. this. <3

  3. Hana

    April 7, 2015 at 2:32 PM

    How courageous of you to share such a personal story. And may Allah reward you for your intention because you have actually made a very important point. Everything in our life stabilises when we rely on Him.

  4. Adnan

    April 7, 2015 at 7:13 PM

    Thank you all for your kindness. I just felt that by sharing this many people would be able to relate.

  5. ummfatima

    April 7, 2015 at 10:12 PM

    Alhamdulillah Alaa kulli Haal.JazakAllahu khairaa for sharing it brother.
    It’s the love of Allah- that makes us move forward,makes us strong,makes us confident,makes us cope up with any loss in this world,that motivates to do khaair,makes us to think twice before sinning,repent quickly after sinning,makes us forgive etc.

  6. Pingback: FearBusters: Fear of Poor Health - MuslimMatters.org

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  8. Masaba

    October 3, 2015 at 3:36 PM

    I hope and pray that Allah reunites you with your ex wife… Although I do not know about the details of the relationship I feel that it would be such a waste to just have two people that love each other grow apart… May Allah make this remarriage happen. Ameen…

    Sorry for being intrusive :)

  9. Pingback: Fear of Loss of Love | islamlife.info

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