Humor

5-Step Scientific Guide to Islamic Event Attendance

Published

July 4, 2012

Dr. O

Dr. O blogs at Muslim Medicine, a site that strives to serve only the freshest grade-A certified ẓabiḥah ḥalāl comedy. Contact your local ḥalāl butcher for more details.

So you’re meandering around, just making your way to the front entrance to the masjid minding your own business when some creepy bearded dude stretches his hand out like a robotic supermarket coupon dispenser and silently hands you a palm card flyer as you pass by. Great. It’s yet another one of these Islamic event fliers – just take a look at the flashy, fancy, large font, the bright coloring and dexterous graphic design that pops out at you and catches your eye, and of course the dramatic event title with the shaykh’s name emboldened beneath, and a picture of him making an epic pose. Someone must’ve really put in a lot of time and strenuous effort to design this flyer, masha’Allah. Good man, good man. So you make sure to walk around the corner where the bearded dude can’t see you and promptly throw it in the garbage.

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Ah, the simple joy of trying to hand out event flyers outside of a Masjid

Come on, you don’t have the time nor the conviction to ponder going to some event about a typical Islamic topic that will probably be a re-hash of the same topics you’ve already heard countless times from hundreds of monotonous khateebs every Friday and from other Islamic events that you halfway slept through. These kinda events just tend to make you say “meh.”

So this, my friends, begs the golden question – what exactly is it that motivates Muslims to attend Islamic events? What makes an Islamic event look attractive (and I don’t just mean the lame, “masha’Allah this is attractive, I shall go, yallah habibi.” I’m taking about the holy-moly-mega-masha’Allah-lower-your-gaze level of Islamic event attractiveness that huge Islamic National Conferences get).

Alhamdulillah, from my past experiences as an Islamic youth event organizer and former university MSA President, I can say with a 100% false sense of confidence that I have begun to decode the intricate science of Islamic event attendance. By utilizing a complex series of algorithms, equations, experiments, and data observations all completely made up from my own imagination, I’ve simplified all of my exaggerated scientific findings into basic pie charts and graphs for your ease of access.

Muslim Matters, I proudly present to you my 5-Step Scientific Guide to Islamic Event Attendance.

1 UNDERSTAND AUDIENCE DEMOGRAPHICS

One of the most important indicators for the attendance levels of an Islamic event is the intended audience. From small bratty kids bubbling with annoying youthful energy and vigor to old Masjid uncles who don’t really have anything else to do at the time, Muslim events can cater to any sort of audience at any age. So to help breakdown the common garden-variety attendees, I’ve provided demographic-specific data below:

Kids- they’re so adorable and full of potential, masha’Allah! But put a whole bunch of them together in a room for more than 15 minutes and you’ve got yourself a crowd that’s louder and wilder than a group of Arab guys watching a soccer game. Sure, as a faithful parent you might be thinking to yourself, “that Masjid event next weekend on the inner machinations of advanced usool-ul-hadith sounds perfect for my 6 year old!” but don’t fool yourself. You will bring nothing but misery to that poor kid, and his whining and restlessness will earn him death stares from the other attendees. Not a good idea.

You see, due to parents not adhering to age-appropriate attendance factors, the bane of a child’s happiness quickly becomes the dreaded Islamic event-the palpable terror and horrid fear that engulfs their eyes and facial expressions when the words “get ready, we’re going to an event at the Masjid” is said to them is testament to how much they “love” Islamic events. And to sit quietly and behave for hours on end in a boring lecture where some big bearded man is shouting stuff at the audience about things they’re too young to even understand nor even bother to care about sounds like a prison for these little kids.

Medical Journals report that a shocking 5 out of 5 kids are afflicted with acute-onset boredom during their childhood

Kids… an effective cure for acute-onset-Islamic-event-induced-boredom is a large IV-dose of purified Nintendo 3DS. Parents, have some sort of portable gaming device handy when your child begins exhibiting early symptoms of anaphylactic boredom after 5 minutes of attending an Islamic event not meant for them. My research also indicates that alternative forms of treatment, such as gritting physical threats through your teeth at your kid when he or she begins to whine or act disruptive works just as effectively, though the psychological side-effects may lead them to strongly dislike attending Islamic events when they begin to reach their teenage years.

Ah, teenagers. It must be difficult finding time to attend Islamic events, what with all that hormonal angst and frequent emotional outbursts of “my parents just don’t understand me.” It’s okay. I understand. Since most Masajid have a big problem with holding on to and reaching out to this age group, they expertly attempt to solve the problem by hosting an entire range of wonderfully non-existent or extremely sparse Islamic events which are vaguely tailored and poorly delivered in an irrelevant manner to this often confused and highly impressionable demographic.

So naturally, attending Islamic events for typical teenagers is almost always about socializing and hanging out- so if their close friends are all going, well then they better tag along too for that sole reason, otherwise they’ll be geeky losers and they’ll be ugly and no one will like them. So take note, Islamic event organizers! As long as your event is considered “cool” by the youngsters and features prominent leading youth scholars and upstanding moral role-models for young Muslim teens like Lil Wayne or the cast members of Jersey Shore as guest speakers, you’ll pretty much capture the coveted teenager demographic at your Islamic event.

College students are perhaps the most coveted demographic for Islamic event attendance, since they represent the very lifeline of college MSAs, and are at a highly malleable stage in their lives where they take great effort to expand their horizons and “discover themselves” by exploring majors based on careers they’re forced to go into by their parents, such as becoming doctors, or engineers, or doctors, or maybe even doctors.

MSA events aren’t just social gatherings that give Muslim students a break from coursework, college stress, and typical ridiculous hormonal drama- they serve as the golden gateway to matrimony, since they offer an opportunity for creepers and stalkers to freely scan a crowd for potential spouses, under the guise of “look how halalified I am, attending an MSA event and sunnahtizing myself against haramification!” But for the few non-creepers and non-stalkers who aren’t marriage-obsessed in college, MSA events offer an essential element that truly appeals to poor, starving, nutrient-deprived college students… …the allure of free food.

Alleged footage of MSA Students following the end of an MSA event

Recent research findings indicate that free MSA event food is able to sustain a typical college student for an average period of 2 days, and if an event attendee is lucky enough to steal extra helpings or take leftovers back to his or her dorm, they’ll be able to sustain themselves for a few days longer until they’re left scouring desperately for the next MSA event, or preying upon younger freshmen foolish enough to sign up for campus meal plans.

Unlike their younger counterparts, Muslim adults are much easier to figure out when it comes to gauging their event attendance. If there’s no attendance fee required, if the food is free, if the venue is close, and if it’s featuring a really engaging well-known speaker whose particular views they personally agree with, you can almost always count on them to attend an Islamic event when its convenient for them and they’re in the mood to leave their house. Convenience is the name of the game!

The rarest Islamic event attendee of all is the non-Muslim. Unlike most of the other Muslim demographics displayed above, the non-Muslim attendee typically has genuine reasons for coming, whether it be through the encouragement of a Muslim best friend, or through their own curiosity to find out more about Islam. Due to the rarity of their appearances, they often receive awkward stares and are subjected to uncomfortable gawking by the rest of the Muslim attendees. Most of the time they’re mistaken for the AV-Tech repairman, food deliveryman, or the building janitor.

Generally, Muslims do find it rather odd that non-Muslims take such great interest in the actual Islamic lecture- it’s almost shocking that their primary intention isn’t to eat food and completely forget what the entire lecture was about 5 minutes after they leave the event, which in some regards can be considered insulting to the event organizers who place such heavy emphasis on the food aspect of their event logistics. My imaginary research data is still in the process of analyzing these elusive creatures, and I’m hoping to discover more about these attendees as data continues to be compiled, insha’Allah. But without a doubt this demographic seems to be the best one so far, though its a shame that they don’t come often at all.

2 ALWAYS SERVE FREE FOOD

Of all the logistical aspects of an event to consider, this is the golden rule of all Islamic event organizing. You can plan an event with no point, no structure, no program, no invited guest speaker, and put in almost no effort- but so long as you market your event as having good food served for free, you’ll attract hordes of Muslims.

Just picture it this way- an event with no food served feels like a difficult endurance test of patience that offers no special tangible reward at the end for having survived an entire Islamic lecture. What is there to look forward to at the end of a lecture or discussion?! Spiritual development, stronger imaan, increased Islamic knowledge, and a powerful take-home lesson on how you can apply what you’ve learned to better yourself, your family, and your community? Hahaha! That’s a good one. Of course not. Who actually does that?! It’s all about the delicious free food, baby.

See, it’s proven by my own citation-less research. Ask any typical Muslim you know- when it comes to motivating our community to attend Islamic events, I’ve basically discovered that serving free food seems to be the gold standard.

3 DON’T CHARGE ANY MONEY

It’s no mystery- Muslims are frugal people. We don’t like spending money, unless it’s on food or on ridiculously expensive weddings to try and impress people who will probably complain about it anyway. And if there’s one thing we consider a great bargain, it’s free attendance at Islamic events.

I mean come on. Think about it. Paying $10 to fall asleep listening to a guest speaker whose lectures I can just ignore on Youtube for free?! What are you, nuts?! No thanks, bro. I’d rather spend my money on something more immediately gratifying, like a couple of candy bars from a vending machine, or paying to download an iPhone app that prays Fajr for me.

$10 to attend?! What do I look like, a stereotypical billionaire oil company tycoon?

It’s proven by my own imaginary research that the more expensive your admission fee is, the fewer people will attend. So as an Islamic event organizer, the best way to collect revenue from your attendees to break even for the event costs is to first invite everyone in the room under the guise that the event is “free,” then wait until you reach a decent turnout- and then slam all the exits shut and lock them so no one can escape. Once you’ve trapped all your guests, have the speaker start a surprise fundraising event- because everyone knows that the least enjoyable Islamic events of all are uncomfortable guilt-trip inducing surprise fundraisers.

4 MAKE THE EVENT TOPIC & SPEAKER APPEALING

One of the biggest factors that dictate Islamic event attendance is the topic and speaker of the event itself. In some cases this factor may be just as powerful as the sultry allure of delicious food or the wonderfully inviting notion of not having to pay for anything, if not stronger. In most cases, the speaker and topic will typically either make or break your event attendance, so it’s quite a critical component of Islamic event attendance.

So to provide an example of this, let’s take a pop quiz:

Are you guys ready?

You’re probably really confident about the answer you picked. The correct answer is A, because you gotta admit- that event would be pretty hilarious. If you picked B, you’re probably never going to get married, and if you picked C, you seriously have no life.

Yeah yeah, I know I know. This is pretty much your reaction to the pop quiz results. Deal with it.

But anyways, what about all of you who picked D? You folks are still on the right track. For some odd reason, love and marriage seems to be the #1 most popular Islamic topic ever, which either means that we as a community need to get a grip on our hormones, or that we as a community have made the Islamic process of marriage and properly pursuing love itself something so ridiculously difficult to accomplish for the youth that we need a million redundant lectures a year re-explaining how it all happens and why we should encourage it properly. But that’s a topic for a whole other conversation.

But anyways, the best-attended Islamic events are those that directly appeal to what the vast majority of Muslims within a broad age range are dealing with, and to have a well-known celebrity speaker delivering it is icing on the cake. But it’s a shame when even the most popular Islamic topics are marred by monotone anesthesia-inducing speakers, or butchered by fiery controversial speakers whose original message tends to get completely lost by all the juicy controversy that attendees love to focus on. Basically the rule of thumb when it comes to Speakers and their relevant attendance levels is the following:

To this day, after centuries of scientific analysis, the reason why Brothers’ attendance levels are almost always universally lower than Sisters’ attendance levels still remain an utter mystery. Perhaps it may be due to an obvious lack of attraction to the speakers? It’s not like our communities emphasize sister scholars and speakers- to the contrary, we tend to have them vastly overshadowed by an overwhelmingly dominant presence of male speakers. So I guess that can’t be it… I’m at a complete loss. Maybe sisters in general just like going to Islamic events more than guys do? Or perhaps it’s more plausible that they may have secret pedicure salons, shopping bazaars, and foot massage parlors on their side of the divider that the men are completely unaware of.

As a male Islamic event attendee, I can speak from personal experience that there is often nothing on the brothers’ side of the room, aside from beard hairs sticking out of the carpet and a familiar smell of wet socks from the wudu stations. It’s my personal hypothesis that this may be a contributing factor as to why brothers have consistently lower turnout than sisters. Perhaps we may need to construct relaxing therapeutic beard spas on our side of the room to ensure better attendance…?

5 TRY TO PURIFY YOUR INTENTIONS

Whether you attend an Islamic event to please your parents, engorge on food to save on paying for dinner, hang out with friends, scope out suitable prospects on the other side of the divider, drool at the speaker, or to just give a good excuse to get out of your house- ultimately all of these events are intended for the ultimate purpose of reminding you of your Lord and your eventual goal in life. Regardless of whatever motivation or lack thereof that you muster up to build an intention to attend, it’s vital that you always strive to make your primary intention for the sake of Allah (swt).

Having free events with great food and a wonderful, inspiring speaker are all gifts from Allah (swt), and the gathering of Muslims at these events may very well be blessed tremendously and graced by the presence of angels. Your attendance at Islamic events shouldn’t be deprived of such incredible rewards by negating it with trivial intentions. Above all else, you should do your level best to purify your intentions, and make time to show respect and gratitude for all the hard work and dedication put in to organize these events.

So the next time you get handed an event flyer- don’t let your gut reaction be to just chuck it out or crumple it into your pocket to use as scrap paper- make an honest attempt to look it over with an open mind and assess if you’re free and able to go. You never know- there might be a truckload of blessings being delivered there, so set your niyyah to barakah-mode and enjoy yourself for the sake of Allah !

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Dr. O

Hailing from New York, Dr. O is a current medical student who blatantly misappropriates his study time by posting absurd articles lampooning the weird things he often notices within the Muslim community. His articles often contain unhealthy doses of odd wit and humor, sprinkled with overly-pretentious medical-jargon, but covered in a sweet milk-chocolate coating of small sincere life lessons. Despite not actually having a medical license and pretending to impersonate an actual physician online, Dr. O aims to heal patients with just a tiny bit of bitter advice contained within a sugary pill of light-hearted laughter. He hosts his own blog, Muslim Medicine, at http://www.muslimmedicine.net.

26 Comments

BilalK

July 4, 2012 at 10:04 AM

I tried laughing, but couldn’t.

Reply
Face.to.Floor

July 4, 2012 at 12:20 PM

I didn’t read the whole thing—i found it too disrespectful. One point: a person shouldn’t throw Islamic papers in the trash or throw them on the ground so people can step on them (for they contain religious words). Doing so is kufr (disbelief) so please be careful with how such material is disposed.

Reply
- chill out peeps
  
  July 18, 2012 at 4:19 AM
  
  yeah the writer of the article never said that that action was good or correct… he was simply pointing out something that happens a lot, whether people like to admit it or not. i personally agree that we should be careful with disposing of such material but like i said he never said it was ok or a good thing…
  
  Reply
  - Dr. O
    
    August 2, 2012 at 5:51 PM
    
    JazakumAllahu khairan for taking the time to read and comment! If any part of this article offended or rubbed you guys the wrong way, then I apologize and ask for forgiveness.
    
    BilalK, perhaps this style of satire isn’t your cup of tea when it comes to humor, which is perfectly fine- everyone has their own style of comedy that they respond to. I guess my particular manner of parody just doesn’t hit your funnybone. I’m sorry.
    
    Face.to.Floor, I actually agree with you that this is quite disrespectful indeed- if you’ve ever stood outside of a Masjid or Islamic center and handed flyers out to people walking by, you’d be quite surprised how many people simply fold up papers and cards to be thrown away later or dumped in car glove compartments to be used as scrap paper later on. While I would never go so far as to label tossing away an event flyer as “kufr,” I do make a point in the article to respect that effort made, as chill out peeps commented here.
    
    Thanks for the responses and for creating a discussion here! Insha’Allah I hope there’s at least some positivity or benefit that this has had on us all.
    
    Reply
alia

July 4, 2012 at 2:18 PM

This was hilarious! Jazakallahkhair!
(Suggestion: You may want to put a disclaimer in for people who don’t understand sarcasm. Then again, if they don’t understand sarcasm, they may also not understand the point of the dislaimer)

Reply
Muahameed

July 4, 2012 at 2:36 PM

Great work! Love the message at the end.

Reply
adrenalrush

July 4, 2012 at 3:16 PM

rolling my eyes:
dr O’s article has proven his description and mA he has lot of time in doing such analysis..a v good article with an excellent analysis..the whole article has a key message at the end regarding our intentions which people should not fail to realise it..May Allah purify our intentions for his sake and make His love the most beloved to us in this world!

Reply
Not impressed

July 4, 2012 at 5:54 PM

Assalaamu ‘alaykum
I am quite disappointed that Muslim Matters would publish this. What research is Dr. O’s findings based on? The conclusions reached are baseless and do not reflect reality. What conferences are being referred to? As most conferences are attracting 1000s of attendees who are willing to pay the fee to benefit.
“creepy bearded dudes” “monotone khateebs”, “monotone anesthesia-inducing speakers” may be true for one or two speakers out of the 12 speakers, but it’s not the general case. This is a sad attempt at humour.

Reply
- MW_m
  
  July 5, 2012 at 8:08 AM
  
  I agree, this was a rather lame article. Style over substance.
  
  Reply
- HonestToGodReality.
  
  July 5, 2012 at 5:34 PM
  
  I think that was the point of the article. Humor. If it may seem rude, I guess that’s because it’s true. The only reason people come to the lectures is because it’s Nouman Ali Khan or because the topic is good. If the Brother who’s speaking is not meant for public speaking and people put him up there just because he has a beard and a turban, therefore automatically he seems like a man that knows what he’s doing, is subjected to a khutbah.
  
  Reply
  - not impressed
    
    July 6, 2012 at 5:27 AM
    
    My point is that the conclusions in this article don’t reflect reality. It was a lame take at humour; using inaccurate information to make others laugh. The reality is conference organizers are already doing a great job at attracting 1000s of attendees who do in fact fill up the conference room, where sometimes finding a seat in 6000 capacity hall is difficult. If we’re talking about random weekend lectures at the mosque, then he has a point.
    HonestToGodReality, it’s not about allowing humour or the article being rude, it’s the using humour in things that are untrue and to make fun of or put down others that I have a problem with.
    Name 5 annual conferences that are guilty of his criticisms.
    As immature and unrealistic it was, he could have offered his 5 step scientific guide alone, and it would have been understood as humour. But he disregarded and insulted the efforts of many for the sake of humour. It’s just not funny and I’m tired of comedians making other’s laugh by making fun of other Muslims and promoting stereotypes.
    Muslim Matters usually publish thought provoking articles that relate to real Muslim matters, so when I read the title, as confused as I was, I thought I was about to read an educational piece (I even thought Kanye West became muslim, lol). I don’t think this article was appropriate for this website.
    
    Reply
    - MuslimTeen
      
      July 24, 2012 at 9:03 PM
      
      As a teenager, I fully agree with this article. It’s aimed at the youth. And it’s true.
      
      Reply
    - Dr. O
      
      August 2, 2012 at 6:18 PM
      
      Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatullah,
      
      JazakAllah khair for reading and posting your thoughts here! From the commentary here, I guess this particular article struck you in a manner which was completely unintended, not impressed. If you truly did feel that this was inappropriate and baseless, then I ask for your forgiveness and offer you my apologies. That’s not what I was aiming for at all.
      
      To address your concerns one by one, I actually point out pretty clearly here that I “utilize a complex series of
      algorithms, equations, experiments, and data observations all completely
      made up from my own imagination.” But I do preface that by mentioning that I actually have been organizing youth events and have been part of youth convention and conference planning teams for years now. I’ve dealt first-hand with how these entire events and conferences have been structured and marketed, and I do want to say that attracting numbers should never be the goal or the bar that we set as an ummah as to the success or the impact of our events. Whether an event attracts 10 people or 10,000, the success of an event is intangible- something only a touched heart or an injection of imaan can determine- and that success is set solely by Allah (swt).
      
      I mean no disrespect at all towards event organizers, to the contrary, the entire point of the article is to alter our intentions for why we attend in the first place and offer respect to the ones who put these together for us- I know first hand how much time, effort, and trouble that organizers go through just to make these events a reality. Shouldn’t our efforts, nay, even our intentions, as a community match the efforts and visions of our event organizers?
      
      I think the lesson here is bitter and hard-to-swallow because it honestly is very true- that I myself and many others really do verbalize our intentions for why we attend Islamic gatherings and more often than not it’s for trivial or shallow reasons, and not for the pure pleasure of Allah (swt). None of us can judge intentions, but a point can at least be made through satire to point out that we are often guilty of having skewed intentions and should make a concerted effort to rectify that. I don’t personally feel that this kind of message is immature or unrealistic at all.
      
      I’m actually surprised that some of the really thought-provoking jabs that I made in the article went un-discussed, such as why women speakers are so neglected and under-utilized, or why brothers’ attendance levels are often significantly lower than sisters’, or perhaps even why masajid fail to cultivate their youth by neglecting them with few events, if any, catered to them. Humor is a method of delivery, but I’m just a bit disappointed that the entire focus shifted from serious issues in our communities to a discussion on just conference attendance numbers, wAllahu’alam.
      
      JazakAllah khair again though for taking the time to comment! Anything beneficial in the article or in this discussion is from Allah (swt), and anything rude, offensive, or wrong is from the weakness and frailty of my own nafs. For that weakness I ask for your forgiveness, and for His.
      
      Reply
  - seriously
    
    July 6, 2012 at 6:23 AM
    
    If you ask them, they declare: “We were only talking idly and joking.” Say: “Was it at Allah, and His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and His Messenger () that you were mocking?” 9:65
    
    Reply
Infidelicious

July 7, 2012 at 12:53 PM

Great article, reminded me of my days as a small grand-child of ardent Christian missionaries. Now I am one of these non-Muslims who would attend out of a genuine desire to understand more about Islam (and eat the free food, while I’m there) . Bottom line, a little humour never hurt. I’m saddened to see comments criticising the author for taking a satirical approach. It must be a burden to be so self-righteous that one cannot smile.

Reply
Arif Kabir

July 8, 2012 at 7:21 AM

LOL! Awesome work, Dr. O! :)

Reply
none

July 9, 2012 at 2:40 PM

For people complaining Please understand that Dr. O is from NY and as such they have experienced these types of gatherings. Face it, not everyone who attends a muslim function is there to have their imaan reach the roof or on their way to be a scholar of religion. To those complaining, ask yourself how often you are at the local events in your town? You will meet the exact types of people the Good Doctor mentioned in the article. We can always benefit inshaAllah, so my advice to those showing their piety on the comment thread is to get over yourselves and pray that Allah blesses us all with ikhlaas. Ameen.

Reply
Widad

July 10, 2012 at 12:11 AM

Nice use of GIFs

Reply
InternetRetard

July 26, 2012 at 8:25 AM

lol good article! loved the humour in it. Really made me realise certain characteristics of mine during the college years :D

Reply
M

July 28, 2012 at 5:16 PM

HILARIOUS!!! love, love, love this :)

Reply
Saadia Khan

August 1, 2012 at 6:25 PM

Fantastic article, hilarious and relevant. For those who are offended, the only way we can tackle the problems of our Muslim communities is to first develop deep self-awareness of the issues. What better way to develop that awareness than through humor?

Reply
Dr. O

August 2, 2012 at 6:30 PM

As salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah,

Sorry, I know I’m a bit late to the discussion here, but I just wanted to say jazakumAllah khairan to everyone for commenting and contributing your thoughts here! I really do appreciate it, and I’m truly very grateful for you all taking the time to read my article and consider it worthy enough to comment on. Thank you so much!

As for the comments offering criticism, I do also appreciate your time and your thoughts as well- not every attempt at satire is received the way it’s meant to be intended, and it’s clear to me that either the style of my humor or the manner in which I make my points may have been received in a way that I didn’t intend for at all. While that is a bit disappointing to me, and perhaps even offensive to you, I do ask that you approach satirical humor with a bit of an open-mind, as the underlying messages here really do strike at a matter which I think is of serious concern to each and every one us, and to my fellow event organizers as well. If you felt slighted or offended, then I offer you my sincerest apologies and ask for your forgiveness.

Thank you so much again, and may Allah (swt) reward you all for your time spent!

Reply
Dalia

September 28, 2012 at 5:08 PM

As a fellow Creative Writer, I applaud you for the hilarity of the article because I honestly couldn’t have put it in better words myself.

It bothers me that so many Muslims ignore the fact that the majority of the things you said are true and are happening every single day. The idea that people deny the sheer honesty, put in a brilliantly satirical form, in this article is about as blasphemous as the idea of pork being halal. Thank you reinstating my faith in my fellow Muslims out there; thankfully me, and a few others I know are not alone.

On behalf of all young Muslims out there, I’d say you summed up the assets to being one pretty well.

And by the way, is Angry Muslims available in the app store?

Reply
- Dr. O
  
  September 30, 2012 at 3:41 AM
  
  JazakAllah khair for your response, Dalia! I really appreciate it- and it’s comforting to have support from a fellow creative writer- thank you!
  
  Initially, I was actually really surprised at some of the negativity posted in response to this article, some of which missed the point entirely, or completely shifted focus from the serious youth issues that I’ve attempted to satirize here.
  
  It’s symptomatic I guess of an underlying dichotomy between the conflicting perspectives between adult audiences and youth audiences in reaction to issues like these. The two generations truly do see things from an inherently different view. I guess I’ve experienced it first-hand right here based on the responses I’ve received on Muslim Medicine in comparison to Muslim Matters.
  
  But hey- as long as it put a smile or got a light chuckle out of a few people here and there, whatever small benefit this satire brings is good enough for me, alhamdulillah. I’m glad you found it amusing!
  
  And the Angry Muslims app seems to be a Middle-East only release, by the looks of it. Not sure if it’s available for download here in America.
  
  Reply
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    Reply
Ibrahim

July 10, 2016 at 1:53 PM

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
OH Now I realize why all Muslim countries are suffering? As it is already mentioned in Quran!!
Peoples in these countries are punctually following all 5 so called pillars of Islam.
Sharia’s laws are from Quran and from other books, NOT ALL from Quran.
Kalama, Namaz, Roza(Fasting), Hajj and Zakat are scrupulously being followed.
Then why are so many Muslims being killed, in spite of piousness and so called takwa in Muslims?
Why is so much chaos, so many orphans and widows? Disorders and unemployment prevalent among Muslims?
Is there any guidance, answer to these burning problems of Ummah in Quran? Why these big building builders from Zakat, Mullah group hide the facts from us?

Quran સુરાહ 69:43 [It is] a revelation from the Lord of the worlds.
Quran 69:44 And if Muhammad had made up about Us some [false] sayings,
Quran 69:45 We would have seized him by the right hand;
Quran 69:46 Then We would have cut from him the aorta.
Quran 69:47 And there is no one of you who could prevent [Us] from him.
Quran 69:48 And indeed, the Qur’an is a reminder for the righteous.
If this is the punishment for our beloved prophet according to Quran,if he spreads any new message of his own in people, then the present sceniro can be easily explained about “so called Muslim Countries/Mosques/Molvis”!!
There are other clear Ayah in Quran which explains this situation of present day Ummah!!
Quran 2: (75) 0 Momineen! (the convinced Muslims)! Do you think that such people can ever cooperate with you, as you desire them to? Amongst them is a group (of religious leaders) who hear and understand divine laws and then deliberately alter them or interpret them in such a way that the truth is distorted and the rest of the people follow this group. How can people, who behave like this, accept the truth?

Quran 2:(76) You assume that these people are honest and truthful – as they profess to be in your presence – but when they meet together in privacy, they say, ”We may intermingle with them but should be cautious lest we divulge those things in our sacred books which they may use against us.” You should fully comprehend this position.
Quran 2:(77) But they do not realize that they seek to hide from Allah that which He Himself had revealed to them. Ask them, how can anything remain hidden from Allah?” He knows well, what these people reveal or conceal.

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