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Sunday Open Thread 1-10-2010 | A Really Bad Case of Ganges

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bismillah

As salamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allahi wa Barakatuhu.

posted by abu abdAllah Tariq Ahmed

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Bismillah walhamdolillah. May Allah accept my repentance and yours. I am an attorney, a stepfather, a husband, a son, and a Muslim. Studying Islam is a means, reflecting what I have learned is a must, and to Allah is the inevitable return. If you would like my help, know that Allah is the source of all aid. If you would like to contact me, try tariqnisarahmed at Gmail, LinkedIn, Twitter, or add me as a friend on Facebook.

18 Comments

18 Comments

  1. AbuSulaiman

    January 10, 2010 at 6:00 PM

    Bummer… says the video isn’t available in my country (UK)

  2. Aurora

    January 12, 2010 at 1:32 AM

    Mashallah, a great lecture about the Dajjal by Shaikh Ahsan Hanif .
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSHUkSIRg_Y

  3. Anonymous

    January 12, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    My engagement just fell apart. We parted on great terms and of course I respect her and her family. She’s a great person, and I have nothing but good thoughts for her. But there were irreconcilable differences that were not evident til much later. But, I’m confused on how to feel or think. Its like, you’re working towards something for months and then it collapses. I waited to come home til 10pm last night, waiting til they slept, because I could not tell them that day. I don’t know how I’m going to, because they really liked her and our families got along so well- our moms were like sisters, and her siblings/cousins treated me like one of their own. I really don’t know what to do or think.

    • Anonymous

      January 12, 2010 at 2:11 PM

      I guess the outcome of this is that I don’t see an outcome between Du’a and its effects. I feel a bit…let down? I know that’s bad to say, but that’s how I feel. I’ve read dozens of books, articles, essays and had many talks with learned Muslims, but I have not been able to accept the disconnect.

      • Sayf

        January 12, 2010 at 3:35 PM

        “Warfare is ordained for you, though it is hateful unto you; but it may happen that ye hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, ye know not. (2: 216)”

        May Allah make it easy for you bro.

  4. Kashif

    January 12, 2010 at 3:36 PM

    anonymous, sorry to hear that bro.

    On the bright side, at least you resolved this before you had got married, imagine what it would have been like if you had already tied the knot leaving these differences unreconciled?

    Insha’Allah there is someone better round the corner!

  5. Anonymous

    January 12, 2010 at 5:44 PM

    Jazakuma Allahu khayrun, May Allah reward you both,

    To be honest, neither of those satisfy me. Its not about not liking it, its about Du’a. I am not seeing a connection between Du’a and an outcome. Meaning, what happens when you make Du’a? Seemingly nothing. So, what’s the point of it? When I hear “it could have been bad”, I immediately think “Well, what if it was good?” A possible future benefit is no less valid than a positive future loss. Its not about someone possibly better around the corner, its about Du’a and its validity.

    It makes me feel that Du’a has no purpose other than wishful thinking. I know this is very bad to say and I hope I don’t maintain it longer, but that’s how I feel. May Allah guide me back to the Truth.

    • Shahzad

      January 13, 2010 at 9:49 AM

      Assalamu ‘alaikum bro,

      Its tough brother when we make du’a for something and we don’t get it. But let Allah be in control. All we can do is work the best we can and make du’a. But that absolute dependency on Allah is so key. Sometimes I find myself relying only on my own talents and smarts and not really with all my heart depending on Allah.

      From another angle, please re-examine the prayer of istikharah. Do we not say, “O Allah if this matter is good for me in my dunya and akhira then let it be. BUT if this matter is evil for me in my dunya and akhira, then distance me from this matter and distance this matter from me.”? So in fact this dua has been answered. Perhaps your engagement with her would have had evil consequences.

      And finally, we should never ignore our own actions that may have contributed to a negative outcome.

      Allah knows best.

      • Anonymous

        January 13, 2010 at 2:14 PM

        Barak Allah feek Akhi,

        Of course one does Istikhara, but I also did make Du’a for it to work out. Literally thousands of times in the best ways I could think of.
        If someone makes Du’a for, say, a car and then works for it, but does not receive it…? Like I said, none of the answers I heard appealed to me. And I really really did research on this topic.

        I don’t know…but maybe I shouldn’t say such blasphemous things over such a respectable blog :-(

        • Sayf

          January 13, 2010 at 7:53 PM

          Quote:

          Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) informed us that when a Muslim makes dua’s for anything from Allah, except for the severance of ties with relatives or for a sinful thing then he definitely receives one out of the following three things: Firstly he gets the exact thing for which he made dua. Secondly, if that is not received, Allah either removes from his some great calamity in exchange for that which he made dua is kept deposited for him in the Hereafter. Another Hadith states that on the day of Qiyaamah Allah will call his servant, and say to him. “O My servant, I used to command you to ask of me I had promised to answer. Did you beg for Me ?” The servant will answer, “Yes I did”. Then Allah shall reply, “You did not put forth any request which had not been accepted. You made dua that a certain calamity should be removed, which I did for you in the worldly life. You made dua that a certain sorrow should be case off you and the effect of that sorrow was even known to you. For that I have fixed for you such and such a reward”. Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) says, that person shall again be reminded of each and every dua, and he shall be shown how it had been fulfilled in the world or what reward had been stored for him in the hereafter. When seeing that, he shall wish that not a single dua of his should have been answered on earth. So that he could receive the full rewards only in the Hereafter.

          • Sayf

            January 13, 2010 at 7:59 PM

            Akhi maybe it’s not a problem with your faith in du’a, you need some time to just deal with the hardship that’s come your way. Don’t let shaytaan make something hurtful turn even more hurtful.

            I understand how tough this is, but you have to try to think positive and occupy yourself with friends and family. Most importantly, give it time.

    • Siraaj Muhammad

      January 14, 2010 at 12:14 AM

      I had this happen to me before – good, religious sister, was talking to her and her family for months, thought for sure we were getting married, and then boom, all of a sudden her family broke it off. I gave it a full day’s thought (was driving home from a road trip to visit her family) and came to the conclusion that I was not ready for marriage because I was still sinful in areas I knew I shouldn’t have been.

      I changed myself, and about a year later, I married. However, not the girl I was previously speaking with, someone else, and alhamdulillaah, I’m grateful for the experience, and I’m grateful for what I have, and believe that what I have now is better than what I would have had, had I married earlier.

      You’re focused on the here and now, and you may have asked and worked for something that is not as good for you as may think – Allah knows best what’s best, and may have something way better in store for you, or He may be testing your Iman (life is a test, after all).

      Either way, use your negative feelings to channel positive action (more du’aa, asking for forgiveness, asking to replace it with something better, etc), and have no doubt it’ll happen.

      Siraaj

  6. AsimG

    January 13, 2010 at 7:50 PM

    The problem is you are thinking your du’a is not answered. subhanAllah, every sincere du’a by the believer is answered by Allah (swt), but not always in the way that you think is best.

    It might be that someone greater awaits you. Allah is the Best of Planners!

    So don’t be depressed or worry about things falling apart.
    Say Alhamdillah for the trial and continue to turn to Allah (swt) with sincerity for help.

    This is life is but a test.

    And this blog is a place to vent and ask for help. Insha’Allah someone will post a beneficial article about du’a

  7. Anonymous

    January 14, 2010 at 9:11 AM

    I’ve read that book 3 times and listened to the accompanying CD-set at least 4 times. I mentally argue against it while reading it. The only section that appealed to me was by that excellent quote by Ibn al-Qayyim (RA).

    When I hear “every Du’a is answered, if not now but in the next life”, someone could say “I will give you $1 million.” So people ask him but he says I’ll give later. When they say “when?” he keeps saying later. They swear he WILL give, but “later”. If you make that kinda promise, you can’t lose, because people will just say “Its coming in the future”. But, the future is indefinite.

    I don’t want to argue, but I’ve heard all of these ahadith or rationalizations before and they just don’t appeal to me. An actual outcome appeals to me. Its not just about a broken engagement, its about Du’a and the seemingly non-relation between it and any sort of outcome. Where are the mountains that have moved because of the Du’as of the oppressed?

    • Amad

      January 14, 2010 at 9:47 AM

      The “dua theory” would only appeal to us if we feel the akhira is “definite”. If we feel “that future” is indefinite, then really it would be very difficult to accept many things in Islam, let alone dua’ and its relation to outcome.

      So, my suggestion would be to focus on increasing our faith in the akhira, in paradise and hell, in accountability. Once that firms up, then the affairs of the believer become easy. Because good times are a mercy from Allah, and bad times are a way of purging the sins. It isn’t “easy” psychologically at the time of pain… I get it. It’s “why me”, but it becomes easier to accept it.

      To be honest, dear brother, not to downplay your broken engagement, but sometimes it helps to look at those in worse shape… perhaps those who don’t even have a chance for an engagement. Have you looked at a man with Downs syndrome for instance? Or a man who is too poor to feed himself, let alone find a fiancee? Or consider those who did get engaged to their “soul-mate” and then lost them in a divorce or even death, god forbid, a few months later?

      Pay attention to Siraaj’s own life story. And ponder on it in the context of the ayah that Sayf reminded us of:
      “you hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows, you know not. (2: 216)”

      It’s good that your engagement didn’t go through, whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not insha’Allah. May Allah give you something better.

      • Anonymous

        January 15, 2010 at 4:02 PM

        salaam alaikum Amad,

        With respect, I don’t think you understand me. I’m sorry, perhaps I was not being clear. I don’t mean to say “why me?”. I’m actually surprisingly not outwardly sad about it, completely calm and collected. The earthquake happened the day before it ended, so I know there are people in worst shape. I’ve been actively involved in the Haiti effort, and it has taken away my time to even think about this broken engagement.

        But, its not about an emotional response, though, im sure that’s a factor. Its me thinking “no no, if the promise of God is true that literally could not happen, because Allah promised me he would answer my Du’as”. Allah PROMISED me he would answer my Du’as. That has not happened. This is not the first time I’ve felt let down after making Du’as. In the past, I convinced myself to ignore those let-downs or diverted my attention elsewhere or tried to accept a bunch of rationalizations and cheap excuses. How many more times do I need to feel let down before I lose trust in the one who makes promises, but then never fulfills them? Think about it, if I promised you a million dollars, but then never delivered because of an after-the-fact justification, wouldn’t you lose trust in me? What’s the point in even making Du’a if that’s the outcome I’ll endlessly get. To me, I see zero value in it.

        And if that’s the outcome, what then of other promises of Allah? Jannah? Jahannum? The Hisaab? Are these also promises that will be let down by some clever rationalization or cheap excuse? Either answer the Du’a, or don’t. But, I do not want to hear false promises backed up with excuses.

        • Sayf

          January 15, 2010 at 11:12 PM

          Akhi you’re just making things up right now. Bring forth ONE piece of evidence that Allah subhana wata’ala has promised to grant you everything you make du’a for in the dunya? An excuse is something that is brought after changing a former position. When has Allah subhana wata’ala promised what you seek in the riches of this life? Nay, but from the beginning Allah subhana wata’ala has promised justice on the Day of Judgement.

          Instead of attributing false promises to Allah subhana wat’ala, here is something else that you should be certain of, you will be thoroughly tested in this world. Look within your life and see that you are living testimony. Proof:

          “Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested? (29:2)”

          “Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of Allâh?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allâh is near!” (2:214)

          I sincerely advise you to guard your tongue against evil utterances and your heart against evil thoughts akhi, and fear the Day of Regrets.

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