'Ali raḍyAllāhu 'anhu came home one day from a journey that he had been dispatched on by the Prophet Muhammed ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam, to find his wife, Fatima, the daughter of the Prophet, radiya Allahu 'anha brushing her teeth with a siwak – twig of an Arak (Salvadora persica) tree used for brushing teeth.  Spontaneously, he, raḍyAllāhu 'anhu, spouted out poetic endearment:

هنئت يا عود الأراك بثغرها … أما خشيت يا أراكُ أراك

لو كان غيرك يا سواك قتلته … ما فاز منى يا سواكُ سواك

Fortunate are you O twig of the Arak tree,

Have you no fear of me observing you in this embrace

If it were other than you…O Siwak! I would have killed you!

None found this fortune of embrace before me, but you.

I get emailed & facebooked often from couples trying to salvage and mend broken trust and exponentially inhospitable relationships. I usually respond within a couple of weeks, detailing my unwillingness to “counsel” from a virtual distance that begets unilateralism. Horror stories of infidelity, violence, and arrogance abound.  Naturally, there is no greater issue facing the Muslim communities of the West that is more pressing and multidimensional than that of family relations.

The statistics are frightening, imams are untrained in effective counseling methods, mosques are under pressure, Islamically-oriented marital counselors are unheard of and professionalism in terms of confidentiality seem non-existent.

An important dimension of domestic marital problems, as I see, is that the Sunnah of Love and Gallantry seems to be overlooked or dismissed as a long-gone era. The Sunnah, that is taught at times, seems to overlook amazing instances of passion, valor, fidelity and sacrifice in the name of true love. Instances from the life of the Prophet sala Allahu 'alihi wasSalaam and his companions builds a comprehensive system of devotion – a Sunnah of Love.

Love. The real kind – the genuine love between a man and his wife that stems from a seed of love that is planted by Allah in the hearts of those who are true in submission to the Dispenser of Love and Comfort.

A seed, literally and figuratively, in Arabic symbolizes love.

Houb in Arabic is derived from the same root for the word Haab – seed. The nature of the two words is functionally similar.

Love begins as a tiny speck – a seed that is buried deep in the folds of a receptive heart, carrying the potential of stunning beauty, nourishing sustenance, exotic delicacy, wealth of commodity, shading shelter, and resurgent growth that is stabilized through deep roots that withstand trauma.

Amr ibn al-'As raḍyAllāhu 'anhu was appointed by the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam to command an important mission. He was handpicked from many capable individuals who were in fact better than him.  Feeling a sense of pride in being selected, he raḍyAllāhu 'anhu asks the Prophet, in front of a congregation of Sahabah about who he ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam, loves? The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam responds in the way that all of our wives would hope we would respond, by naming his wife, Aisha.

Consider that the Prophet would teach, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam, that if we love a friend, we need to let them know it. It was with this hope that 'Amr thought to ask that question after the favorable appointment was given to him.

Thinking that his question has been misunderstood he clarifies, saying that he meant from amongst the companions who did the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam love? The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam responds, “Her Father.”

He does not respond, “Abu Bakr raḍyAllāhu 'anhu.” His response alludes to 'Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha as she was still on his mind and in his heart. 

Love.

'Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha, al-Humayra – The Rosy Cheeked one, as the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam affectionately called her; Umm al-Mu'mineen – the Mother of the Faithful was loved and loved in return.

The Sunnah of Love is not whimsical or outrageously simplistic as you find depicted often in multibillion-dollar literary/theatrical sagas. No vampires competing with werewolves here.  It is not ambivalent and shifty. It is built on mutual acceptance of the decree of the Divine in search of comfort, repose and peace of mind.  It flourishes, paradoxically, in the mundanity of life. Finding fleeting moments of intimacy between stacks of dishes, soiled diapers, mounds of work emails, grocery lists and infinite commitments are its hallmark. A look that you receive as you rush out the door, a quick phone call itemizing how the day is going or an SMS that contains a list of groceries to buy on the way home punctuated with an I love You, are all indicators.

'Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha and the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam would use code language with each other denoting their love. She asked the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam how he would describe his love for her. The Prophet Muhammad answered, saying: “Like a strong binding knot.” The more you tug, the stronger it gets, in other words.

Every so often 'Aisha would playfully ask, “How is the knot?” The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam would answer, “As strong as the first day (you asked).”

So I begin to wonder, as should you, about what has happened to our community?

Why is it so hard to speak frankly of one's love for his wife? Why is it “soft” for a brother to praise his spouse?

How is it the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam can kiss his wife, as he exits to leave his home to lead the faithful in prayer and some in our community find it difficult to just smile?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam can stop a whole army, in times of hostility in a region of the desert that had no water to camp near, to look for his wife's misplaced bead necklace and some find it difficult to give a deserved compliment every now and again?

Since when is sternness considered leadership and harshness associated with married life?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam can mend his clothes and look after the domestic affairs of his household, and a brother can't put away a plate, let alone wash it unless the wife is sick?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam can forbid upon himself milk infused with honey so as to please his wives, who complained of its scent, culminating in Allah revealing a chapter in the Qur'an forbidding the Prophet from forbidding the lawful upon himself, “Because you seek to please your wives (66:1).”  Yet, some in our community will not even give the rightfully due to their wife?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam teaches not to boycott a person for more than three days, and a brother can be out all day at work and feel apprehensive at the thought of returning home to a disgruntled partner who will give them the silent treatment over a petty squabble that has extended into weeks of dreary, isolating depression?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam forbids a person to lead another man in prayer in his home without permission, yet some brothers due to constant bickering and negative criticism feel more like the help than the king of the castle?

Misreading the Sunnah, and not linking it to all matters of our life, including the mundane aspects is a justified criticism.

All of us learn through the course of our elementary studies of Islam that if you have no water, or if it is scarce, that you can perform Tayamum – ritual purification for prayer using sand or dust.

What you probably were not taught, and what was glossed over, was the fact that the permissibility and the legislation of that enormously important function were revealed because of the lost bead necklace.

You were not told that the love of the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam for 'Aisha resulted in him ordering a marching army to stop at a location without water and camp out at night with a dwindling supply of water for their consumption. Her father, Abu Bakr raḍyAllāhu 'anhu, was furious with her for mentioning what, to him, seemed to be a trivial matter.

You were not told how the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam ordered the troops to look for a necklace in the sands of the Arabian Desert, all for the comfort of 'Aisha.  You were, probably, not informed how verses in the Qur'an descended upon the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam at such an occasion resulting in the joyous celebration of the Sahabah for the ease that Allah has provided for our Ummah as a result of this occurrence.

That is the Sunnah of Love.  You look after the near, even if it may inconvenience the far.

You would have heard that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam mended his own shoes at times. What you may not have heard was how once as he was sitting in a room with 'Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha fixing his shoes, 'Aisha happened to look to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. Mesmerized by the majesty of that sight she remained transfixed staring at him long enough for him to notice.

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam said, “What's the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam asked, “What did he say?” She replied,

“Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.”

So the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said,

Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”

That is the Sunnah of Love.

From the earliest days of Islam, 'Ali radiya Allahu 'anhu was a continuous witness of the life habits of Rasool-ul-Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam. He was a witness to Love.

'Ali, raḍyAllāhu 'anhu, arrived home to find the love of his life relaxing at home. No foreshadowing asserts anything special about the occasion or day. No fancy marketing to fleece customers of hard earned money. No gimmicks or convoluted infatuations promising a happily ever after proportional to carat size. It is just a man coming home after a long day at work.  What he finds there is the greatest attainment any man could dream to possess, and hopefully retain – a wife whose presence fills him with joy.

The Prophet Muhammad, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “The world and all things in the world are precious but the most precious thing in the world is a virtuous woman.”

Virtuous, not, exclusively, in terms of the length of prostration or in devotion to religious obligations but rather as he, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam, once informed 'Umar:

“Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can hoard? It is a virtuous wife who fills him with joy whenever he looks towards her.”

It is not love at first sight, rather exponential love with every glance.

Ya Allah, put love between our spouse and us and allow us comfort and mercy in our home.

Ya Allah, spread love and peace throughout the Ummah of Muhammed ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam

O Allah grant us Your Divine Love

O Allah grant us the love of those who Love You

O Allah grant us the love of doing the things that earn Your Divine Love

Yahya Adel Ibrahim.

Domestic Violence Series: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

96 Responses

  1. ju

    This is really nicely written Masha’Allah. May Allah grant us all righteous spouses.

    Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Lu

      Mashallah read the article give me a tears ,May Allah reward me with a good spouse in Jannah ya rabbi

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      Reply
    • Haleh

      I was smiling as I read this masha’Allah very touching and heart warming article. This is such a critical topic that you have chosen to address. Majority of people are truly suffering in their marriages because they lack the tools for communication, have preconceived negative notions of marriage, and they don’t apply the beautiful examples of the Prophet Mohammad (peace and salat upon him) the way you have eloquently described.

      When conducting marriage therapy, I find that the couples really make a break through when they finally embrace the concept of loving for the sake of Allah. At the moment when they can see beyond their needs, stop calculating who has done what and truly give for the pleasure of Allah they completely transform. I have seen it many times and its an amazing moment! If only more people would learn from the examples that you have provided we would have a society filled happier couples.

      JazakAllah khair,
      Haleh

      Thumb up 25 Thumb down 0

      Reply
  2. Yasmin

    Jazakallah Khair for this truly beautiful post! I was a little hesitant about reading it now because I was tired but once I started I couldn’t stop!

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  3. Hena Zuberi

    Ameen

    JazakAllah Khayr Shaykh, this was a blessed reminder. It is sad we are not taught hadith with all the depths of context and place. I think this should be mandatory reading for young men and women in every Sunday School, madrassa, Islamic School, youth group. Will share with mine inshaAllah. The theatrical sagas just are not real and can never be lived up to- din is for real, we can do this.

    and with my husband-Like a Knot- Alhamdulillah!

    You look after the near, even if it may inconvenience the far.

    This was the best reminder for me b/c sometimes being I get so involved in community activities etc, I need to learn to say NO to yet another project, so I can concentrate on my life at home.

    May we all be Aishas to our Muhammads and vice versa. Ameen

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  4. Sulaiman

    Excellent excellent article!

    It is so sad that we have to look here and there for examples of what true love is, when the best of examples are right there in the Prophet’s SAW life.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  5. Shuaib Mansoori

    BarakAllahu Feekum Shaykhuna for the beautiful piece!

    Ameen to all the Du’as!

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  6. Zamzam

    Wonderful article, but can mentioning examples of the life of the Prophet salla Allah alayhi wa sallam solve our problems, including marital problems?
    I think it is a main component of the solution, but we, Muslim, must translate these examples into practical plans which are prepared by our scholars, in cooperation with all those who have professional knowledge in their field of specialties.
    Keeping on mentioning examples will yield beautiful comments, but will not solve the problems

    Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Yahya Ibrahim

      Bismillah,

      The intent is to establish within us an understanding of the habits of the Prophet sala Allahu ‘alihi wasSalaam and his companions with their respective partners.

      It is to encourage us to learn from it and seek to implement it in our life.

      Equally it is to establish that there are many instances of information being left out of our Fiqh and Hadith classes that could be used to as powerful examples of love and fidelity.

      I agree that a systems approach and re evaluation of Islamic Scholarship is incredibly important and timely.

      Allah grant us All success

      Yahya Ibrahim

      http://www.facebook.com/yahya.adel.ibrahim

      Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

      Reply
      • Kamran M Khan

        my question is what is the use of lectures and lectures and lectures. I did not see a solution except that I (or her) have to fix my self, that I (or she) am at fault, I (or she) am the one who is doing wrong.
        Love should come by itself not by doing a Phd, or getting smarter by attending few lectures, or just keep acting like every thing is fine, have some kids and time will pass until you will become older or just don’t get married or marriage here is a test and real life starts in heaven. If there was one case I will say it is an exception but not when many examples.
        Give me a simple solution?

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  7. Umm Sulaim

    Splendid. An article on love written by a man.

    My views on marriage includes, pleased with and sensitive to each other’s feelings, playing with (not restricted to when one desires intimacy) and making each other laugh.

    Brothers were amused; I was ‘romantic’, as if marriage were a monotonous, distasteful cohabitation of two persons one a baby machine to whom attention is paid only in the bedroom and the other no more than an income earner. At least they are aware of one woman who insists on ENJOYING a nuptial relationship.

    “Marriage is supposed to be fun. If it is anything less, it is not worth it.” I uttered those words over a decade ago and I still mean every word.

    Umm Sulaim

    Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

    Reply
    • Hala

      “Marriage is supposed to be fun. If it is anything less, it is not worth it.”

      I have watched a few couples in a rehabilitation center come and go with their disabled husbands or wives day after day, month after month. They help them change, go to the bathroom, get from one room to another. These are old men and women, hardly able to help themselves, but willing to do so much for their spouses.

      Do they have fun doing it? I don’t think so.

      But they still think their marriage is worth it. Perhaps there is another ingredient to marriage that would make it worth it.

      Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

      Reply
      • Umm Sulaim

        That very much depends on your idea of fun, and whether it is mutually exclusive to kindness.

        And that reminds me, I also believe making sacrifices for ones spouse depends on how the spouse treated one prior to the incident necessitating the sacrifice.

        That decision was also made over a decade ago in response to a woman returning or being made to return to an absentee husband. When I learnt some spouses go AWOL for a number of years expecting the woman to search for them indefinitely until they are ready to return home, I muted,

        “If he was loving and warm with me, I shall wait for as long as possible or until it is clear he is dead. If he was a miserable overlord, I’ll give him just 48 hours and begin divorce proceedings.”

        Umm Sulaim

        Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

      • Umm Sulaim

        One more thing, aiding ones spouse should be an ENJOYABLE act, at least it is to me.

        It in no way implies putting a brave face to an unbearable, intolerable situation. Loving ones spouse implies that what one would in other circumstances not tolerate becomes acceptable (here, I refer to your comment and not to the context of domestic abuse).

        I have fun in whatever I do, especially at home, because I ENJOY doing them. This is based on another one of my numerous principles:

        My home is a PLACE OF COMFORT; I fight battles outside not at home.

        Is that an indication of the absence of sources of stress at home? It means the constant ability to return to the stress-free state after each episode of stress (Le Chautelier’s Principle of Equilibrium).

        Umm Sulaim

        Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

      • fezz

        I dont think leaving per se would be a negative issue. Imam Ghazali went “AWOL” for a number of years but of course the sacrifice was not for a selfish cause (and how we all have benefitted!!)

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2

      • A.ali

        Jazakallahu khayr brother for such a great reminder. Marriages in our society are becoming more the source of distress and depression rather than pleasure and comfort. May Allah swt accept all of the duas made aameen
        Jazakallahu khayr once again for such a beautiful piece.

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  8. Fauzia Mohamed

    Subhana Allah! Masha Allah! This brought tears to my eyes. Your article, ustadh Yahya offers us all a new, deeper glimpse into the life of our beloved Rasul salalahu alayhi wassalam.
    However what is sad, is that I for one, was never taught about this facet of his life. In fact it was almost a ‘taboo’ for us to be taught about his love and of the ways he salallahu alayhi wassalam, manifested his love towards his beloved Aisha or Khadija ra. So growing up this was devoid from our textbooks and it wasn’t until I moved to Canada that I began learning about this. Your article is a masterpiece and it offers hope for those whose lives are devoid of this pure, unselfish and unadulterated love and it also offers a wealth of knowledge for those who aspire to follow in his footsteps, salallahu alayhi wassalam. Baraka Allah feekum for taking the time to share these wonderful, insightful words. May your home and ours always be filled with nothing but the purest form of love that first extends to Ar Rahman…Ameen thumma ameen. It’s simply breathtaking! I can’t find words to express my gratitude and joy after reading this article. 

    Sent from my iPhone

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  9. Nuraini

    if you are married, brother, clearly you love your wife.

    there are many kinds of marriages that make up a society. while i won’t trash those held together solely by duty and responsibility, there needs to be more awareness that that’s not the only kind (weird how this even needs to be highlighted). there are marriages characterised by joint participation in society, still others by partnership to spiritual fulfilment, and then others as a dance through life.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Yahya Ibrahim

      Bismillah,

      Alhamdulillah I am happily married and yes I do love my wife dearly, alhamdulillah.

      I agree that there are many marital arrangments that work on some level. This should not, however, dissuade us from seeking comfort and love with our partner.

      I pray that we all receive the best in this dunya and akhira

      yahya

      http://www.facebook.com/yahya.adel.ibrahim

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      Reply
  10. Orin

    A beautiful account of love through the eyes of Islam. I feel like I know and love the Prophet ﷺ more after reading this. JazakAllah khairan, ya Shaykh.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  11. ali

    would suggest if you can use bit more simple language…so that people like me who is not so well versed with English can also grasp it easily…Jazak Allah Khair

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  12. Farahnaz Zahidi Moazzam

    MashaAllah……I cannot thank you enough for bringing ti light these aspects of Seerah which we have a tendency to ignore…..Jazakallahu Khairan Kaseera. Actually these are the “not-so-easy” Sunnahs. May Allah swt heal our hearts of illnesses like selfishness, anger and coldness, and let us have the Hikmah to have relationships which Allah swt Likes and Looks upon with Mercy.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  13. abu Rumay-s.a.

    What an amazing “uswatun hassana” for us, what a noble example to live up to (sallallahu alayhi wa salama tasliman katheera)… this in itself is enough for one to be convinced and submit themselves into this sublime way of life.

    jazak Allahu khairun Ustadh for this beautiful piece, it touches the hearts, I pray that Allah blesses us to live up to it..ameeen.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  14. Amad

    Amazing
    Only if i could extract a tiny percent of the Prophet (S)’s comprehensive personality!!

    jazakallahkhair….

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  15. Siraaj

    Salaam alaykum Shaykh Yahya,

    I often wonder if some of the exemplary characteristics we remember are of the virtuous who are relatively few and we generalize it to the majority in bygone eras? Whether it be chivalry, religious practice, or otherwise?

    I wonder this because with what little studies in history I’ve done, I tend to find the problems we have are may be unique in their cultural context, but no different than what the people surrounding us face from nonMuslims, nor different from what the Muslims faced in previous generations (and in some cases, worse).

    What are your thoughts on this?

    Siraaj

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Yahya Ibrahim

      Bismillah,

      I actually think the opposite is applicable sometimes. The sad reality is that the Islam we are taught at times omits the construct that brought it into being. The examples above are LITERALLY a drop from the ocean of the virtuous conduct that the salaf provided towards their spouse; be it man to wife or wife to her husband.

      I understand the extrapolation syndrome that some fall into, where there is an absence of the challenges that we all face in life. But what you see when you take a close look at the compendium that is the sunnah is that the BEST moments where the ones that dealt with the difficulties of life that we all deal with.

      The Prophet sala Allahu ‘alihi wasSalaam had people accuse his wife of adultry, he had jealousy between the spouses, he was a widower and buried some of his children and grand children with his own hands. His daughter was married to a man who was an unbeliever who WAGED war against him sala Allahu ‘alihi wasSalaam, he had a wives from a variety of cultural backgrounds and ethnicity including jewish, christian, young, mature, matrons, virgin, rich, poor, with children and without.

      When you look at all of that…you see that what we have been taught about His blessed life sala Allahu ‘alihi wasSalaam RARELY analysis the intricacies of that life and finds parallels in our own.

      Humans have the same needs, irrespective of culture, place or time. All of us can relate to each other on a multitude of levels.

      The generalization is deserved because the life of the salaf to the most part is a reflection of the life of the Prophet.

      I do not know if that is what you were asking about .. but to me the more we look into the sunnah and seerah the more we find parallels to our life.

      This of course does not mean we can not critique the life of the companions to equally learn from those experiences.

      Wa Allahu a’laam,

      Yahya

      http://www.facebook.com/yahya.adel.ibrahim

      Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

      Reply
  16. Filisteeniyyah

    MashAllah nice article! It is true for whatever reason many brothers these days feel embarrassed to say “i love my wife” in public. I mean e.g. my husband sometimes leaves sweet words on my facebook, which obviously is also seen by everyone on my list. The sisters see it, tell their husbands about it, some of their husbands are actually my husband’s friends and then they call him up and make fun of his comments! Really is silly at times.
    And I hear some terrible stories from my husband and it’s really scary how so many couples in the West have problems and it seems to be only increasing!
    May Allah guide us all into following the footsteps of the Salaf in every matter.

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  17. Samaria

    Very eloquent and beautiful, mA! Definitely a great reminder for all of us to remember to finding meaning in the simplicities of life and to appreciate our spouses more for all the things that they do for us. JazakAllah khairan!

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  18. ummanar

    Beautiful article mashallah I couldn’t. Stop crying so touching. May allah fill our home and our hearts with love and mercy
    Barak allah fike for sharing this

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  19. Sami

    Salam Sheikh Yahya – this was an outstanding piece.

    Do you mind posting the line for Abu Bukayr Al-Hudhaili in Arabic?

    JAK,
    Sami

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  20. Aamir Shamsi

    SubhanAllah amazing piece!

    Although I would like to add that the horror stories you mentioned above (infidelity, violence etc.) are not occuring because men do not know how to/want to express their love but because, as you mentioned, they don’t feel that love but also because they are devoid of basic morality. You do not need to be a Muslim or even study the Sunnah of Love to know infidelity in a relationship is a disgraceful crime to your partner as well as to yourself.

    The world we live in is becoming worse and worse and these crimes are not only becoming more rampant but more tolerated/accepted in society further increasing their frequency.

    So not only do we need to teach them the Sunnah of Love as you have described above but also basic morals and values.

    Another important matter is choosing the correct partner for you to feel this way about them for many of these instances actually occur in completely arranged marriages where the partners do not even know one another. In Islam we are taught to choose our partners carefully and this can only be done by getting to know them in a halal manner and making sure our values are similar to theirs.

    I’d also like to add one last point – that there are people in this world who will come across as described above ie. they will show plentiful love that will make you believe it is genuine, but unfortunately it is a hoax and there is nothing more fake than their emotion for a day comes when their reality is shown and the chasms in their morality and basic human principles as well as grave lack of integrity, respect and understanding of the word Love comes to vew and that indeed is a difficult calamity to face for those in such a situation – may Allah save us all from such a day.

    inshAllah I ask you to pray for me in finding a wife that will “fill me with joy” upon glance.

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Umm Ismael

      Asslam u alaikum wr wb brother, Being married for five years, I agree to a large part of what you have to say- However the instance where you generalize about arranged marriages is quite incorrect. One can NEVER really know a person until one is married to them and starts living with him/her. It is the everyday life that one experiences with ones spouse that inculcates and nurtures love. They are not one time ‘halal’ meetings that can ever do that beyond telling you that the   other person is pleasant to be with. So keep that in mind- brother when looking for a spouse – no fairy tales- you will have your share of arguments but what happens at the end is that feeling of “being home” with a person that matters. And ALLAH Knows best.

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      Reply
  21. Ainul Mardhiah

    Thanks a lot Bro. Yahya. After I read your article, I feel so much love for the Prophet, MasyaAllah.. May Allah grant you the highest rank of Jannah, insyaAllah. Please pray for me may Allah give me a good husband who can follow the sunnah of love of the Prophet..peace be upon him. I shared your article in my blog. I hope it can benefit others too… Jazakallahu khair, Brother =)

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  22. Muslimah

    Asaalamu alaykum brother Yahya

    Mashallah beautiful article and read. i pray that all our brothers and sisters view the union of marriage in this way inshallah. out of interest brother, i was wondering where the story of the beaded necklace has been reported in the sunnah?

    jazak allahu khairun

    wa asalamu alaykum

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Filisteeniyyah

      Maybe you or someone close to you suffered something terrible and have lost faith in the most beautiful bond created by Allah? Or maybe you’re having a difficult time finding the right spouse?
      Well sister, have tawakkul in Allah. Never loose hope. Marriage is the ONLY way a believer can fulfill his/her desires. Also our souls need rest because we can’t worship Allah 24/7 and it’s through marriage…through that Sunnah following spouse of ours that we can rejuvenate ourselves and get back to worshiping Allah.
      I will disagree with you and say because of the influence of the immoral culture, marriage now a days is underrated.

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      Reply
  23. A. Stranger

    SubhanAllah! This is the beauty of Islam at its purest.

    MashaAllah may Allah bless you.

    We’ve been bombarded from all directions with reminders of how marriages go wrong (any news website, will provide plenty of examples) this is truly uplifting =] and MUCH needed.

    Jazakum Allah Khair.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  24. Nur

    SubhanAllah, what a beautiful and heart touching article as i never read such a lovely article about love before. jazak’Allahu khair brother, may Allah blesses you and your family always. I’m single but i wish to learn a lot about be a good spouse due to Islamic rule, in shaa Allah. Beautiful..!!

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  25. Ummmuhammedwaibraheem3

    for most of your quotes from the prophet and his companions and wives could you plz provide PROOFs of them plz, not saying that it didnt happen just saying that for most people to take from these quoted hadith its best to leave a valuable source so that we can refer to them as well thank you and baarakallahu feekum

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  26. Shaheen

    Assalamualaikum bro yahya wonderful article, many believe that love has no place in islam however ur article proves how can the very emotion of existence not have place in islam, without love we would not exist and i m not talking only about physical love but also love for all ie parents brethen our brothers and sisters in iman , indeed love makes the world go round. In fact the love between Our beloved Prophet Sallala alaihi wassallam and his beloved wife Hazrat Khadija teaches us that modernisation touched islam 14 hundred years back and there is nothing as age difference. May Allah bless u and ur family ..Take care Allah hafiz

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  27. Maria Ahmad

    AOA Brother Yahya, jazak Allah khairun for sharing these precious ahadith with us. We’re far, very far from our religion, from understanding it because these are the small, everyday things and moments we don’t know about. My primary education was in the top schools of Saudi Arabia till age 17 where Islamic Studies were compulsory. Year after year, the dates of Ghazvas and battles and historical details were ingrained in my head. However, it is at age 30 that I’m actively pursuing authors who talk about the true essence of Islam – these moments, the Propher PBUH, Azwajun Muttahira and the Khalifas’ personalities. How am I supposed to love the Prophet more than my father if I don’t even know what he was like outside the battlefield? How do I inspire to be a better woman if I don’t know the real challenges of Hazrat Aisha RA and how it feels to be jealous of another woman’s beauty? How can I be a better Muslim if I don’t know how Hazrat Umar RA learned to control his anger?
    I look forward to reading more of your articles Brother, so I can learn and grow. If you can share resources (books, online, etc.) for more, I’ll be indebted. May Allah bless you with more knowledge and sawab. Jazak Allah Khairun.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  28. Ayat

    MashAllah, this was beautiful! May I put a quote from here to engrave on my Wedding Card Box? “Love begins as a tiny speck – a seed that is buried deep in the folds of a receptive heart, carrying the potential of stunning beauty, nourishing sustenance, exotic delicacy, wealth of commodity, shading shelter, and resurgent growth that is stabilized through deep roots that withstand trauma.”

    Was that written by you? If so, may I use it and give you credit (of course) and if it is not written by yourself, may you tell me from whom?

    Jazakallahkhair!

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
      • Muslimah

        Is it Islamically appropriate to concede feelings of honour towards recognition? If this is a source of personal fitnah then we should fear Allah subhana wa ta’ala in regards to such feelings.
        Perhaps it would have been a more humble option to suggest a Quranic verse, ahadith, or even the quote of a Sahaba insha Allah. As they were the best of three generations and undoubtedly possessed the best understanding of Islam as well as marriage in Islam.

        The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:
        “What I fear for you the most is the minor shirk, that is ar-riya. Allah will say on the Day of Judgement when He is rewarding the people for their actions: Go to those for whom you did riya for in the world then see if you find the reward with them.”
        [Related by Ahmad (5/428, 429) and al-Baghawi in Sharh as-Sunnah (4135) from the hadith of Mahmud bin Lubayd, radiallahu 'anhu, with an authentic chain upon the conditions of Muslim]

        As a speaker, or a sheikh, this should mean that we possess even more fear of Allah subhana wa ta’ala than the layman. As such it should also be evident through our speech and our actions. I say this as a reminder to myself first and to others secondarily.

        May Allah subhana wa ta’ala guide us from becoming those of which the hadith says;
        ‘Umar ibn Khattab (Radi Allah ‘Anhu) narrates that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “What I fear most for my Ummah is every eloquent-tongued hypocrite.”
        (Jami Saghir #239) (Ahmad #137) (Foryabi #23)

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  29. Md.Afzal Hussain

    Assalamu Alaikoom. I read your article Sunnah of love .I am finding no language to congratulate you . I think Islamic intellectual may kindly write on the basic fundamental lessons of our DEEN that will help the muslim who are ignorant in religion.Sukran my deene brother .

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  30. Mel muslimah

    JzkAllah khayr. great article. May Allah reward you and make our deeds solely for Allah (swt).

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  31. Abdul Khair

    MasyaAllah. I smile as i read this beautiful love story. May Allah reward you and make our deeds solely for Allah swt. Thank you so much for sharing this. Assalamualaikum.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  32. Mohamed

    Masha’Allah…such a wonderfully written article full of love & wisdom…Jazaak’Allahu Khair Ustadh Yahya Adel Ibrahim

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  33. faatima

    Aslm
    Great article! Somebody asked me the source of the narration regarding Aisha r.α and the example of the knot. Will apreciate if u could provide it.
    Jazakallah Khair!

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  34. Arif

    Best article on MuslimMatters, masha’Allah. I find myself constantly referring back to it.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  35. rabia

    Great article but can you support whatever u r reporting from the sunnah from some authentic source ? Otherwise it is just a story…we never hear such stories as part of sunnsh except for the necklace incident which is well documented. Plz indicate your source so we get better understanding of sunnah. Also plz elaborate on the issue of not lead ing any one in house for prayer without their permission? Can u explain yhis in some detail? Thank you

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  36. Umer

    Truly amazing article. With its legendary writing style and innovative gripping approach it kept me mesmerized till the end. Great work done.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  37. Ahmad

    Well done sheikh, i sincerely appreciated this awesome article, though i’m married but i’m praying to Allah to join me with d comfort of my eyes Amin.I find the article as a moral booster n if implemented by couples i hope it will go along way to mend the predicaments faced in many homes n build trust nd mutual understanding between couples nd create a happy home fostering love without boundaries.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  38. Fathima

    Brillint article . Subahanallah the Prophet’s(peace be upon him)love story brought me into tears!

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  39. Ivan

    ok i just missed Manchester cities game 2nite reading this hehe. So gud. Alhamdhulillah 4 givin me the opportunity to read this. Was actually crying inside when I sat down here n scrolling through FB. OK now i can watch the second half smiling :)

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    Reply
  40. Prof Saadiah

    Dear Brother Yahya, I am looking for something to put in my daughter’s wedding book which my husband and I are coming up as a gift to guests at our daughter’s wedding reception. this is such a beautiful article, a few things new for me. …I seek your permission to reproduce some of your words here. ..and cite the the original source, so that people could refer to this site. Dr saadiah

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply
    • Yahya Ibrahim

      Bismillah

      I would be honoured to play a role in your daughter’s wedding. Please use of the article whatever you find worthy.

      Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      Reply
      • Prof Saadiah

        Thank you very much both Brother Yahya and Aly. I have read the legal disclaimer and will make proper attribution to the author and website of MM. In any case it is non commercial and will be distributed to the guests at the wedding.

        Saadiah Mohamad

        Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  41. Takbir4me

    Assalam Alaikum Hebah, Is it possible to get your email address, I like to get in touch with you for an upcomming event :)

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    Reply

Leave a Reply