Jazaaka Allaahu khairan for sharing your thoughts

On January 22nd, my husband’s step father died of a heart attack at 38 years of age. It was unexpected and very hard. Every single thing you mentioned about the worry of these non-Muslims when their dead die is so on the dot. We experienced so much and wanted to say so much but couldn’t. We saw people brainwash themselves with statements like, ‘He’s in the heaven with God now’, ‘He’s fishing now’, ‘He’s with the angels’ etc.. etc… And this is coming from Christians themselves who are supposed to know that there is an afterlife and that our bodies do stay in the grave and our souls do sleep while we await the final reckoning. But it is as if during these trials, they just don’t care to remember.

We had our son around because that was his ‘papa’ and it was hard. People would try and tell him things but alhamdulillaah I brainwashed him before and so he was able to say no it’s not true.

What amazes me even more now is the worry of some of his family members to buy the most expensive headstone and beautify the outside of what doesn’t matter. Again, these are Christians. A people who one day were strong in their beliefs that what matter is praying for the dead and not beautifying the material world around the body that no longer matters. What matters now is the soul and every piece of ‘beauty’ that is placed will be destroyed. It’s crazy. It was difficult. We shed tears after tears and most of these tears came from seeing how these people didn’t care much about the person in the grave.

As you mentioned, the prayers for the dead came later. The prayers for the family came first. The reminders for the family were first on the line and the funny stories to share of the dead were the most important thing. But subhaanallaah what about this man and what about his deeds? Even my mother in law, whom I do love naturally, may ALlaah guide her to Islaam, aameen has uttered many times, “I’m angry that he left me…” and what amazes me more is that she knows better than most of these other Christians. She realizes that her husband is not playing with angels or fishing in heaven but still her worry is herself and not his fate. But then again, they brainwash themselves with thinking that every loved one is going to heaven and forget that Allaah will bring every one of us to account.

It was hard. It was hard to explain we didn’t want to be at the funeral and much more difficult for my husband because his mother needed the support of her sons. She had the family of her ex-husband giving her evil looks because they blamed her for his death (they had taken off work that day to have fun and this occured) and so my husband found himself in the middle.

Alhamdulillaah atleast with every part that lead to the funeral and even at the funeral (which I myself didn’t want to attend and didn’t), they agreed to use the term God and not Eesa for respect for us but by Allaah that is something I never want to have to deal with again.

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Here is a fatwa from Islam-qa about “Attending the funeral of a non-Muslim neighbor”

Attending the funeral of a non-Muslim neighbour

Question:
Attending a non-Muslim neighbor’s funeral:
According to one hadith of the Prophet(pbuh)ralated by Tabarani regarding the rights neighbors it says: “The rights of the neighbor is that, when he is sick you visit him; when he dies, you go to his funeral;……..”
Since this hadith is talking about neighbors and the neighbor can be a non-muslim, so is it permissible for the Muslim to attend a non-Muslim’s funeral? Please shed light on this issue in accordance with the Qur’an and the Hadith.
Also this issue is very important for the new Muslims whose parents have not accepted Islam. Is it permissible to attend a funeral for the non-Muslim parents?
May Allah (swt) bless you. Ameen

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a Muslim to attend a kaafir’s funeral if the kaafir is a relative, such as a mother, father, brother or other relative, but it is not permissible to join in the prayers or any other rites of their religion.

Zakariya al-Ansaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “He may (i.e., it is allowed for the Muslim and is not makrooh) attend the funeral of a kaafir relative, because of the report narrated by Abu Dawood from ‘Ali who said, ‘When Abu Taalib died, I came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘Your uncle, the misguided old man, has died.’ He said, ‘Go and bury him.’” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 190). Al-Adhraa’i said: “It is possible that this includes permission to attend the funeral of a wife or slave…”

As for visiting graves, in al-Majmoo’ it says: “The correct view is that this is permissible, and most scholars said this, because of the hadeeth narrated by Muslim in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘I asked my Lord for permission to ask for forgiveness for my mother, and He did not give me permission; I asked Him for permission to visit her grave, and He gave me permission.’ It was reported that he also said: “Visit the graves, for they remind you of death.” (Asnaa al-Mataalib Sharh Rawd al-Taalib, part 1, Fasl: Mashiy al-Mashee’ li’l-Janaazah).

One of the differences between going to a Muslim’s funeral and going to a kaafir’s funeral is what was mentioned by al-Mirdaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) in his book al-Insaaf, where he says in a footnote: “ ‘Those who are walking should walk in front of it [the coffin]’ means that this is better, and this is the madhhab, and this is the opinion of most of the scholars [of that madhhab]. The author of al-Ri’aayah said: “He may walk wherever he wishes.” Al-Musannif said in al-Kaafi: “Wherever he walks, it is OK… and his saying, ‘The riders [should travel] behind’ means that this is better. So there is no dispute in this matter. If he is riding, it is makrooh for him to ride in front.” This is what al-Majd said. What was meant by “the riders [should travel] behind” is that this is how it should be done in the case of a Muslim’s funeral, but if it is a kaafir’s funeral, then the rider may go in front, as mentioned previously.” (al-Insaaf, part 2, Kitaab al-Janaa’iz).

This is provided that attending the funeral does not involve doing anything haraam, such as listening to musical instruments and so on; in that case attending the funeral is haraam. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

assalamu alaikum,

Kind along the same lines, what do you guys usually do around christmas and the holiday times?

it gets a little odd sometimes in the workplace because we really cant wish them happy holidays and attend their parties and lunches and celebrations.

just wondering if you have any tips and suggestions on how you have handled these times in the past.

also what do you do when there are office parties and the like?

jazakAllah khair,

abu abdillah