I Got My Menses Twice This Ramadan: Practicing Surrender And Maintaining Constant Worship

Like many women in their early forties, I’m experiencing some perimenopausal symptoms. The most obvious change in my menstrual cycle has been a clockwork return of my menses after fifteen days of purity. This is my first Ramadan where I’ve had my period at the start and at the end of Ramadan. A younger version of me would have been extremely annoyed with this turn of events. The current version of me is practising surrender. On a practical level, this means that I am spending less time in prayer, fasting, reading Qur’an and going to the masjid, and more time resting, making dua, listening to Qur’an, and helping my children with their acts of worship.

Last Ten Nights

What helps is remembering that Allah is All-Knowing and All-Merciful, and He has willed for me to be in a state of menstruation at the beginning and end of Ramadan. One of my teachers said that this Divinely-ordained pause from prayer and fasting gives women like me the opportunity to long for these acts of worship, and increases our gratitude when we return to them. Even though it isn’t easy for me to pay back my fasts outside of Ramadan, I can trust in Allah rewarding me for doing so. Orienting everything back to Allah , instead of my own self, has been very helpful.

Different Acts of Worship

I may not be able to pray, fast, or perform i’tikaf in the masjid during these last few nights of Ramadan, but there is still so much I can do. I can still make heartfelt du’a, give in charity, feed fasting people, listen to Qur’an, teach my children the value of patience, and so on. I can remind myself too that the mercy of Allah is vast, and He is the one who can accept our acts of worship and multiply the reward, no matter how much we fall short. Shifting my mindset into one of abundance, instead of scarcity, has made all the difference. InshaAllah, even menstruating women can catch the blessings of Laylatul Qadr.

Teaching Moment

My children were shocked to hear that just as they will be rewarded for fasting, I am also rewarded for refraining from fasting during menstruation. It was a struggle for me to keep a straight face when my tween daughter exclaimed, “What? You get rewarded for doing nothing?”

I explained that Allah is Most Generous, and He rewards us all for performing our obligations – which, in the state of menstruation, means refraining from prayer and fasting. This is not including all the countless other acts of service, words of affirmation, comforting back rubs that mothers do every day, let alone putting restless children and babies back to sleep at night. None of this is lost on Allah , even if our children might not be immediately cognizant of what we sacrifice. 

Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently, and that is better for him”. [Sahih Muslim]

Seasons of Life

What helps is surrendering to the qadr of Allah in this new season of my life. Resisting the reality of my more frequent menstruation will only add to my unhappiness and discomfort. I can reframe this as part of Allah’s Plan for me to slow me down and prioritise my self-care after the last intense decade of raising three small children close in age. Menstruation is something that women go through for almost four decades of our lives – at least half of our time on this dunya! – and it helps to accept the ups and downs of each stage.

Health Awareness

As part of our Ramadan practice, perimenopausal women can schedule a check-up with our gynaecologists to check the level of our hormones. We can continue lifting heavy weights so we can build our strength in midlife and beyond. We can prioritize going on walks regularly to keep our bodies limber and strong to help us age well.

My husband and I make du’a that we can continue to prostrate to Allah till the end of our lives, and investing in our physical health is part of that.

Menopause

When I speak to my mother or older friends who have gone through menopause, they offer a valuable perspective. Their advice is to be patient with the stage I am in, because the season of menopause brings its own challenges. With their decrease in estrogen, they also struggle with menopausal symptoms such as hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and a higher risk of cardiovascular issues and bone breakage.

These are serious matters which, for now at least, I don’t have to worry about. Because they no longer menstruate, they are able to fast and pray every day – which can feel tiring after four decades of being able to take breaks. Uninterrupted prayer and fasts are something I long for when I’m in the thick of paying back my fasts, yet again. 

Conclusion

Perimenopause is a season of life that can bring about more frequent menstruation in Ramadan. It helps to remember that even in a state of menstruation, women can catch the blessings of Laylatul Qadr. Even if our acts of worship differ during menstruation, the One we worship remains constant. Modelling this acceptance will inshaAllah help our daughters when it’s their turn, especially when we look after ourselves and honour the season of menstruation we are in. What gives me lasting comfort is always turning back to Allah and focusing on what pleases Him, instead of fighting the reality of the season I’m in.

Related:

– The Menstruating Woman’s Guide To The Last 10 Nights Of Ramadan

– A Woman’s Guide to Spirituality in Ramadan during Menstruation and Postnatal Bleeding