After starting grad school to become a therapist, I learned that much of what we do as therapists is help people understand and navigate through their emotions. It sparked my curiosity, to see what the Quran has to say about people and emotions, so that very first Ramadan while I was studying in my program, I decided to put post-it flags in my mushaf every time I saw a word describing an emotion in the Quran. I did not realize then that this idea would turn into a 5-year endeavor. 

Here I am, 399 post-its, 2 years of graduate school, and 4 years post-graduation later, and I’m still learning about what the Quran has to say about humans and their emotions. I am still knee-deep in this study, so I have in no way arrived at the end of this journey— I am only just at the beginning. I hope that I approached the subject with humility, and opened my heart to what the Quran has to say, rather than what I want it to. What follows are some of my findings and reflections that I came across while on this journey. 

On Fear and Sadness

The first emotions Allah mentions in His book (7 pages in) are the emotions of fear and sadness (خوف & حزن). Researchers define fear as a high-alert emotion that we experience in response to a perceived threat, whereas sadness is defined as a low-alert emotion experienced in response to perceived loss or suffering. The first mention of fear and sadness appears in Surah Al-Baqarah, where Allah says,

“We said [to the children of Israel], “Descend all of you! Then when guidance comes to you from Me, whoever follows it, there will be no fear for them, nor will they feel sorrow.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 2;38]

Fear and sadness are also the two emotions mentioned most (fear was the most mentioned, at 113 times, followed by sadness, mentioned 41 times). I found it interesting that they are the very two emotions that are at the root of the two most prevalent mental health diagnoses diagnosed today: depression and anxiety. These are also the ones that I see most often in my therapy room. 

It also made me consider, that Allah knew that the difficulties of this life will naturally bring about sadness and fear within us, and that perhaps He was bringing it to our attention in His book: that when ignored, these human emotions can develop into chronic conditions that keep us from successfully fulfilling our ultimate pursuit in this life: the worship of Allah . It’s also worth noting the number of times that Allah provides reassurance to us right after mentioning either of the two emotions: fear or sadness – a sign of His Mercy that He does not intend for us to be in constant pain in this life. 

On Regret

Emotions {PC: Francisco Gonzalez ) unsplash]

A few years ago, I made a choice that I deeply regretted. It was the kind of regret that keeps you up at night, tossing and turning as your mind goes through an endless replay loop of should-haves and could-haves. That summer, I poured my heart into researching the phenomenon of “regret,” and discovered countless researchers who dedicated their entire lives to studying this emotion. The majority of their findings revealed that up until our mid-twenties, most of our experiences of regret stem from an action that we took, whereas on the other hand, the regrets we experience later in life (after the mid-twenties mark) are related to a lack of action, or “inaction” as Daniel Pink¹PINK, D. H. (2022). Power of regret: How looking backward moves us forward. Riverhead Books. calls it. 

So after gathering my findings from the research, I searched through the places in the Qur’an where regret was mentioned to see what Allah has to tell us about regret (ندم). What I found was that regret is only ever mentioned when describing the experience of humans in the afterlife, as they reflect on their time on the earth. Take the ayah in Surah Yunus as an example, where Allah says, 

“And if every wrongdoer were to possess everything in the world, they would surely ransom themselves with it. They will hide ˹their˺ regret when they see the torment. And they will be judged in all fairness, and none will be wronged.” [Surah Yunus: 10;54].

There are also numerous places where Allah mentions the believers experiencing regret in the afterlife, wishing that they could go back in time to do more good. Action and inaction aside, Allah is telling us that no amount of regret ever felt in this Dunya is even worth mentioning, compared to the regret one will feel in the next life when reflecting upon this life (either in wishing that they could have done more good, or wishing that they would have chosen the righteous path). This discovery made me put my own experience of regret into perspective.

On Panic and Dread

 Similarly, the emotion of فزع, or panic and dread, is only ever mentioned in the context of the Day of Judgment. Perhaps it is that Allah is highlighting that whatever panic or dread experienced in this world will seem like nothing in comparison to what we will feel on the Day of Judgement. This observation made me reflect upon my reactions to the unexpected, and my one-too-many moments of panic that I often experience on a regular basis: a misunderstanding that I may have caused; a social situation in which I did not show up at my best; a therapy session that seemingly took a left turn and did not go as expected. It made me wonder, if my one-too-many moments of panic would fall more into perspective if I were to remember this a little more. If my heart would beat a little slower and if my racing thoughts would become a little calmer. 

In Surah An-Naml, Allah says,

“Whoever comes with a good deed will be rewarded with what is better, and they will be secure from the panic of that Day.” [Surah An-Naml: 27;89].

May we be among those who come with enough good that day, and may we be among those who are protected from the experience of panic – a type of security that can only be granted by Allah . May we be able to seek some of that security in this life from Him . 

On the Familial Emotional Journey

One of my grad school professors told our class once, that he doesn’t believe in people –  he believes in families. This became a foundation of our studies: whatever mental illness an individual experiences does not develop in isolation. It is always connected to a complex system of relational and family dysfunction. Families, it turns out, are at the root of most mental health issues we see today. 

When I turned to Allah’s Book, I was curious to see what I would find about families and emotions. I chose to look at Surah Yusuf, as it is the only Surah in the Quran that tells a family’s story in its entirety. Curious thing that the one surah that includes a full family story in the Quran, includes the emotions of fear, sadness, بأس, hopelessness, and اسف. Even though the surah is infused with joyous moments as well (such as the tender moment where Prophet Yusuf tells his father about his dream), I was fascinated to notice that the named emotions were those mentioned above. It’s as if Allah set the tone for us: yes, family is meant to be the birthplace of tranquility and connection, but it inevitably also becomes the birthplace of sorrow, grief, and the lowest of emotions. And both can exist at once. 

On Emotions As a Whole 

Looking back, I believe I approached my endeavor with as much humility as possible, opening my heart to what I might find in Allah’s Book. Although I hope that I did achieve this humility (and continue to do so), I will admit that I did go into this endeavor with one bias: I had the expectation that I would find His book rich in its discussion of emotions… and I did. 

This was in strong contrast to what we find in the real world today. Despite the outward wokeness of our society, we continue to be an emotionally constipated one. Outwardly, “therapy” and “talking about emotions” are trendy, and it seems that many of us are jumping onto the bandwagon. Yet despite that, we continue to be as disconnected from our emotional experiences as we ever have. (Just think back to how many times you heard an argument end with: “You’re being emotional!”) 

Walking into this, I knew that I wouldn’t find the same constraint in the book of Allah . I knew that the One who created us would not address this fundamental aspect of our humanity. And what I found confirmed my biases. However, even if I hadn’t had the expectations that I did, my findings would have been the same. In the Qur’an, Allah uses 27 different words to describe human emotions, appearing in about 413 places in the Quran. Our Creator has always known that we are emotional beings, but in our ignorance, we denied this very core aspect of our existence.

Allah’s Knowledge and Wisdom are endless. After all, isn’t it He who said that if the oceans were ink for His Knowledge, the ink would run out before His Wisdom does [Surah Kahf: 18;109]?  Even after studying the Qur’an for five consecutive years, thoroughly going through the mushaf word by word in an attempt to understand Allah’s discourse on emotions, I will still stumble upon a new word or a verse that I had missed. Truly, there is something to be said about the vastness of Allah’s Book: one can never be done studying the Qur’an or reaping its benefits. Allah designed His book to be this way, to keep us returning to it, while our own understanding grows over the years.

For me, this is only the beginning. I will be returning to my Post-it flags and my mushaf year after year, hoping to understand something new about my humanity that I didn’t before. As we approach the end of Ramadan, I invite you to do the same too. 

Related:

– Emotional Intelligence: A Tool for Change

– Cultivating Mental Well-Being in the Muslim Community [Part I]: Debunking Myths, Steps Toward Seeking Support