Recovering from Porn Addiction In The Month Of Healing: 9 Tips

Porn addiction entails an excessive use of pornography and is marked by a loss of control over the duration and rate of use. The loss of control means that the addict is unable to stay away from this unwanted and destructive behavior, despite having sworn it off many times. Compulsively acting out leads to their life becoming unmanageable due to failed relationships, financial problems and mental health issues.

While there are no easy solutions, recovery from this addiction is possible and thousands have been able to overcome it. Ramadan is the month of self-reflection and healing; it is ideal time to start the process of recovery. If you are struggling with this problem, we have researched and compiled for you some of the most effective techniques used by recovering addicts.

1) Don’t be alone with your screen

As Muslims, we are taught to avoid being in khulwah (or being alone) with someone from the opposite sex to protect ourselves from falling into sin. It is a straightforward rule and if one can observe it, they remain safe.

The same idea can be used with one’s electronic devices which are used to act out and watch pornographic content. Don’t use your device unless you are in a setting where other people could see you. If one is able to observe this rule at all times, the chances of being triggered and acting out will decrease drastically as it prevents one from using the device in vulnerable places like one’s bedroom.

No doubt this will be challenging to implement. It would require a lifestyle change; for example, watching Netflix in bed would have to be replaced by reading. However, this is arguably easier than the alternative of completely cutting oneself off from the internet (which some have tried) or not using electronic devices such as tablets and smartphones. Additionally, a web filtering software should be installed on all your devices to ensure they can be used safely. All this should be a part of the cleaning house exercise you do to get rid of all the instruments that could be used to act out.

2) Make your trigger list and don’t feed the compulsion

Every time you act out, make a list of the precursors that led to the episode. How were the lustful thoughts triggered that caused you to watch pornography? Was it because of something you looked at on social media? Was it because of a place you went to? Or was it because of the state you were in; e.g. tired and stressed?

Once you have a good grasp of things in your day-to-day life that trigger you, then work on actively eliminating them so you don’t feed the compulsive behavior. For example, if you get triggered while riding public transit, then either avoid taking it or be extra vigilant while on it by focusing your attention on something else, like reading a book. It is also recommended to try to avoid being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired (HALT) as these are common states that can trigger one to act out.

3) List the pain points in your life arising due to porn use

Writing down precisely the reasons why you want to stay sober will provide you with clarity of purpose. Jot down at least three pain points in your life that arise because of using pornography. These should be very real for you. For example, ‘Using pornography jeopardizes my marriage because my spouse gets angry with me,’ or ‘using pornography causes me to stay up all night and arrive late to work which jeopardizes my career and livelihood’. The more clearly you spell out the pain points your addiction is causing in your life, the more motivation you will have to quit.

 4) Repeat these prayers when lustful thoughts enter your mind

The following prayers have been found to be effective at removing triggering thoughts; repeat them often:

“My Lord! I seek Your protection against the insinuations of the devils; and I seek your protection against them approaching me.”  [Surah Al-Mu’minun 23;97-98]

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله

“O Allah! Bless our Master Muhammad and his family”

يا حَـيُّ يا قَيّـومُ بِـرَحْمَـتِكِ أَسْتَـغـيث ، أَصْلِـحْ لي شَـأْنـي كُلَّـه ، وَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـين

“O Ever-Living, O Sustainer! I call upon Your mercy for succour, make good all my affairs and do not entrust me to myself for even the blink of an eye”

5) Take it one day at a time and track your sobriety date

PC: Adrian Swancar (unsplash)

Extraordinary feats are accomplished in small steps; overcoming an addiction is no different. One of the effective tools used in 12-step recovery programs is to commit to being sober only one day at a time. The idea of giving up one’s drug forever can be too overwhelming for someone struggling with a deep addiction. Thus, one only commits to giving up pornography for 24 hours first. If you succeed in being sober for 24 hours, then you can choose to renew your intent to be sober for another day. Daily Sobriety Renewal is a good way to do so.

It is also important to keep track of the last time you were sober -your sobriety date- in order to be aware of your progress. Every time you lose sobriety, cross out the old date and put in the new one in your diary. This exercise also helps instill the idea that recovery is a slow process and relapses are bound to happen, especially if you are not taking care of yourself. Keeping track of the sobriety date also requires one to define sobriety. While sobriety can be defined in different ways, one effective definition is that of Sexaholics Anonymous: sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse. You can also add to this definition other bottom-line behaviors that you are struggling with and wish to give up.

 6) Practice the 3-second rule and refocusing

This effective rule has been summarized below by Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous:

“One of the things we know about our disease is that acting out begins with mental obsession. Where our minds go, our bodies will follow. For this reason, it becomes important to keep our minds on a fairly short leash, insofar as sexual matters are concerned. The Three Second Rule is one of the major devices we use to achieve this goal. When we see someone who is attractive, we allow ourselves three seconds to look at him or her and then we turn away, allowing the memory to slip away from us. We do not take that second glance, the look over our shoulder after we have driven past the attractive person on the street; we do not hold on to a detailed image of that person in our mind. This is a seemingly small matter, but many of us have found that if we can follow small rules like this one, God takes care of the larger issues in our recovery.”

After turning away from the triggering individual or image within 3-seconds, it is also important to refocus so that the lustful thoughts go away. Refocusing entails diverting your attention to a task at hand and occupying your thoughts with that instead. This could be something like focusing on what you were doing before the incident (e.g. going shopping and making your grocery list) or thinking instead about what you need to prepare for dinner that day. Physically removing yourself from the place where you were triggered also helps this process.

7) Join an offline recovery program and make daily outreach calls

Porn addiction breeds in isolation; it thrives in dark rooms in front of a computer screen. Getting off the internet and joining an off-line fellowship has helped thousands recover from this disease. Instead of being overwhelmed with the idea of tackling an addiction all alone, use the support of the fellowship in your city to meet your sobriety goals. Just the act of physically moving away from the place associated with acting out (a bedroom) to a place associated with recovery (a fellowship meeting room) is a step forward in breaking the cycle of addictive behavior.  There are many 12-step programs offering free support to those struggling all over the world. You should investigate the active groups in your city and find one that works for you. Some of the popular fellowships are: Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), and Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

In addition to attending weekly meetings of the fellowship, it is important to make phone calls on a daily basis to members in your program, especially your sponsor. This practice of checking in and letting a member know that you are sober that day (or are struggling) helps further break down the isolation and acts as a means of support and accountability.

8) Focus on giving by getting involved in service work

The more occupied you are with productive activities outside, the less time you have with your screen alone at home to act out. Engaging in service work is not only an effective way to reduce the chance of relapses, it also serves as a key tool for overcoming the self-centeredness many addicts struggle with. The measure you give is the measure you get back: the more service you do, the closer you are to maintaining sobriety. Service work can take the form of involvement within the fellowship (e.g. serving coffee at meetings) or volunteering commitments with other non-profits in your community.

9) Eat moderately and fast when possible

We’ve all felt the very real impact fasting has on our appetites during Ramadan. This is one of the reasons why the Prophet recommended fasting for those who can’t get married as it helps reign in one’s desires. Imam Haddad in his Book of Assistance states: “Do not make good and pleasurable food your prime concern…Beware of eating excessively and frequently eating to satiety, for even if it be from halal foods it will still be the beginning of many evils. It results in hardening of the heart, loss of perspicacity, confused thinking, laziness in worship, and other things. The way to be moderate is to stop eating while still desiring to eat, and not to start eating until you really want food.”

As we enter the last few nights of Ramadan, take advantage of this time and renew your commitment to sobriety; even if you’ve broken your vow a thousand times. The disease is a trial from God and the cure is also with Him, so turn to Him seeking assistance during this special time. Never despair when relapses happen and keep recommitting to sobriety, one day at a time. Reliance on God and a program of action has helped thousands overcome this addiction; with perseverance and dedication, you too will be cured of it.

Related:

– Fighting back Against Porn: The Idea & The Industry – MuslimMatters.org

– Podcast: Pornography Addiction and the Muslim Community | Abida Minhas – MuslimMatters.org

– Rebuilding Marriage After A Porn Addiction – MuslimMatters.org