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Dealing with Indian Law Enforcement: The Motherland – Part IV

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Prelude | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI

“The Motherland” series will go over the benefits and challenges of studying Islam overseas in India, institutions of learning there in, and Nihal Khan’s journey of studying at Nadwatul ‘Ulama in the 2014-2015 academic calendar year. The subsequent articles in this series will detail his experiences and reflections from his travels and studies in India.

. . .

After the Accident

When the car that hit me started to run away, I quickly wrote down the license plate number. I kind of understand why the driver ran though. In India, when it is pretty obvious who is at fault in a car accident, the public beats that driver up, to teach him how to drive. Now I do not know how beating someone senseless will make them better drivers, but who am I to judge? Anyway, I went up to the driver as he sat at a standstill after hitting my scooter. I pleaded and begged with him to pull over and not run. I guaranteed his safety, and it worked. He pulled over and no one  tried to beat him up, but I guess instincts are instincts, so he decided to run. There was a patrol officer present who called his colleagues ahead to see if they could catch him, but sadly they were not able to do anything.

Officers examining my FIR.

cop

Afterwards, the patrol officer told me “my job is to save your life, that is it,” and then he walked away. I took out my phone and dialed 100 – the 911 equivalent in India. I called the number five times in half an hour, but no police officer showed up to receive me or even bother taking my information over the phone at the least. Instead, I got a text message from them saying ‘Thank you for calling Lucknow police’. I ended up calling the Qidwais who picked me up and took me to a doctor, in the back of their car. After partially recovering, I filed a First Information Report (FIR-the equivalent of a police report) at a local police station in a district known as Gomti Nagar and reported the accident.

After almost seven months, the police finally contacted me to let me know that they had found the car that hit me. Yes, seven months! The law enforcement system is beyond slow in getting work done, so now I am figuring out how I will approach the whole situation from a legal standpoint. I ended up meeting the owner of the car who disassociated himself from the whole situation. We will see what happens as I only met him two days before leaving to the states. The owner happens to be a retired police officer, so I guess my mafia friends from New Jersey could not help me (that was a joke in case you were planning on incriminating me. For the record, i do not actually have any mafia friends.)

I was taken to the side in four ‘regular’ traffic stops in Lucknow. All of the four situations were similar. A cop stepped in front of my scooter to slow me down and had me park on the side. He approached me and asked for my license. I have an international license, so I was not concerned, but seeing how police brutality had skyrocketed in America,  just in case ,I exercised my American privileges and spoke only in English–even though the cop only spoke Hindi. I also refused to speak in Hindi nor acknowledge that I spoke Hindi. The junior officer then said I have to pay a ‘fine’ (which was actually a bribe) of Rs. 1000 and then directed me to the senior officer. I refused to acknowledge that I understood him nor was I planning on coughing up any of my hard earned money. The junior officer told his senior in Hindi that I do not have any paperwork (which I did) and that I only spoke English. The senior officer, who also did not speak English,told his other colleague to look at my license and see what the status of the situation is. The colleague looked at my license and asked only one question in his broken English: “Which country you from?”

The Bara Gumbad Masjid and madrasa in New Delhi’s Lodhi Gardens.

1024px-Bara_Gumbad

I responded by saying ‘the United States’, the officer’s face changed, he quickly gave me my license, and said I could go. He then told the junior officer something to the extent of not putting them in that situation again and to kindly escort me to my scooter.

In regards to the bribes that most police officers usually officiate, corruption is a huge problem in India. According to this India Times article, political parties and police are the most corrupt institutions in India. So much so that a little more than 1 out of 2 Indians have admitted to paying bribes to police officers–which is usually in exchange of not getting a court summons.  Current affairs show us that these are two areas which Indian citizens are actively working on fixing.

. . .

Stay tuned for Part V of this series!

Nihal Ahmad Khan is currently a student of Islamic Law and Theology at Nadwatul 'Ulama in Lucknow, India. He was born and raised in New Jersey and holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology and a minor in Business from Montclair State University and a diploma in Arabic from Bayyinah Institute's Dream Program. He began memorizing the Qur’an at Darul Uloom New York and finished at the age of seventeen at the Saut al-Furqan Academy in Teaneck, New Jersey. He went on to lead taraweeh every year since then. Along with his education, Nihal has worked in various capacities in the Muslim community as an assistant Imam, youth director, and a Muslim Chaplain at correctional facilities and social service organizations. Nihal is also an MA candidate in Islamic Studies from the Hartford Seminary in Connecticut.

17 Comments

17 Comments

  1. Avatar

    M

    October 27, 2015 at 11:47 PM

    Salam brother. It’s really brave of you to go to a foreign land in search of knowledge, even if that foreign land is one’s motherland. Specially in a city where you didn’t know anyone. What was your family’s response to all this? They must have been really worried.

    • Avatar

      Nihal

      October 29, 2015 at 10:32 AM

      My family was fine as long as I was fine :).

  2. Avatar

    Khan

    October 28, 2015 at 2:31 PM

    I am really curious about the islamic knowledge you gained from this experience. And any other lessons you may have learned from your stay there, empathy/sympathy for muslims living there, maybe sabr?

    Also if you know Urdu, why would you lie and say you don’t?

    • Avatar

      Nihal Khan

      October 28, 2015 at 3:15 PM

      What I learned will be shared in the subsequent articles in this series. Be sure to follow along!

      The officers spoke to me in Hindi and I responded in English. I didn’t say that I couldn’t speak English, I simply refused to acknowledge that I spoke Hindi. And in that situation one’s options are limited as to what one can do to save themselves from having to pay a bribe, be sent to jail, beaten, or some other horrendous form of police treatment. If you have not done so, then read the India Times article I posted closer to the end of the article and also my comments as to why I chose to only speak in English.

      • Avatar

        Khan

        November 12, 2015 at 3:18 PM

        The picture “officers examining my FIR” indicates that, at least this encounter was not a “horrendous” situation.

        • Avatar

          Nihal Khan

          November 13, 2015 at 11:17 AM

          That’s not from when I got stopped and has nothing to do with any traffic stops. It’s when I walking in on crutches with a broken foot to report the person who hit me.

    • Avatar

      Abu Kanafa

      November 1, 2015 at 10:40 AM

      The brother did not lie and say he didn’t know Urdu. But even if he did lie, then that lie would have been a good deed. Please study Usul ul-Fiqh and the various ahadith pertaining to lying under different circumstances to understand why.

  3. Avatar

    safiya

    October 28, 2015 at 5:55 PM

    Nihal, definitely we have sympathy for your first time away from mother’s lap experience ! I read that the state of Uttar Pradesh for which Lucknow is the capital, has a population of 300 million and counting, which is probably higher than any muslim country in itself ! India and China are mammoths, and are a world of their own with their ways of life, yet being the beacons of progress for this century.
    I will say my disappointment here is,this seems to be a series that any tourist in any third world country goes thru.That people go to meditate in the Himalayas or the shaolin temple for martial arts in the mongolian mountains, is because, acquiring mastery requires patience and humility. Perhaps you should have waited a few years for maturity, to be able to imbibe the spirituality that comes with acquiring knowledge, from the East.My best wishes for your physical safety and soundness of mind before your return to the comforts of the west.

    • Avatar

      Abu Kanafa

      November 1, 2015 at 10:32 AM

      Al Salamu Alaykum,

      A few things :

      1. I am pretty sure brother Nihal has been ‘away from his mother’s lap’ before this. He’s graduated from Uni, done Bayyinah and other Madaris, held multiple jobs, etc. I am sure he’s not void of the experience any grown man would have.

      It seems quite rude to start off your comment subtly addressing him as a child.

      2. One can only consider these places you mentioned to be beacons of progress for this century on a theoretical level. If you, for example, lived in Lucknow you would vomit on that sentence (probably from the industrial age amount of dust that covers these streets).

      3. Please don’t be condescending in expressing your ‘disappointment’. Brother Nihal is not a tourist – despite having been through what most people would consider a nightmarish hell, he is still persevering through it for the sake of gaining Ilm. Why in heck would you be disappointed in that?

      4. Please don’t romanticized the pursuit of knowledge to that of practicing ‘martial arts in the shaolin temples of the Mongolian mountains’. This is not a Jackie Chan movie, nor is brother Nihal trying to become some sort of a drunken master. Stop living in a fantasy world where the pursuit of Ilm is a 2 hour long movie with a black and white plot. Where the Talib ul-Ilm is the unsung and disrespected hero that has to take on the world to prove himself and get the girl too.

      Reality is, this is far more difficult than a movie. When you realize exactly what is entailed in this journey can you truly respect the reward mentioned for it in our sacred tradition. It’s not for nothing that trekking this path is a road to paradise itself. And this road is littered with trash of all sorts which will prevent you from that ultimate goal.

      Which is why, unless you’ve been in the thick of it yourself, it would be best to refrain from criticizing someone who is on that path – lest you be held accountable for it on the Day of Judgement. Who are you to analogise the need for patience and humility with br. Nihal’s journey? I don’t know if I would be able to be patient through what he has gone through and still continue. I don’t know if most people would. I also don’t know if I would remain as objective as he has in expressing his journey. I don’t know if most people could have that humility.

      5. You state that people go through these trials in order to gain mastery, and then advise the brother to have waited to attain this maturity before taking such a journey. Then you question his spirituality – something entirely between him and His Lord. Are you serious? Can you even perceive the seething hypocrisy in those words?

      You have a warped definition of what spirituality is, and you have a warped definition of what maturity entails. To be frustrated at the injustices you see around you is not an expression of immaturity or a lack of spirituality. It is, in fact, the opposite. It is a testament to one’s spirituality and his or her maturity to be able to recognize and be disgusted with that. And it is an even greater testament of their maturity and spirituality that they have patience through it and continue on this path for the sake of Allah as brother Nihal is doing.

      My best wishes to you and your mental soundness of mind before you return to the comforts of criticizing others on the path of Allah from behind your computer screen.

      • Avatar

        Khan

        November 12, 2015 at 3:14 PM

        I can see where safiya’s comment are coming from. Br Nihal sure is a grown man and been through a lot.

        But, this series came off to me (too) as a complaint journal and this-is-what-I-endured mindset. Vast numbers of muslims have journeyed to far away difficult places probably in worse conditions. They produced research on Islam and ahadith, some even passing away before reaching home.

        I am sure Br Nihal gains were much more than his troubles.

        With due respect to Abu Kunafa’s reponse/defence, Br Nihal’s descriptions of his troubles are frankly (still) immature.

        And Abu Kunafa, the references to “mental soundness” and “comforts of criticizing others on the path of Allah from behind your computer screen” were harsh and unjustified.

        • Avatar

          Nihal Khan

          November 13, 2015 at 11:32 AM

          I’m sorry this series came off to you as a complaint journal, but I am happy to report that the feedback received actually shows the opposite. Part of it is definitely going over what-I-endured, as that is mentioned at the beginning of every series.

          What one reads here are narrated facts that people can interpret however they find based on their own biases. Yes, there most definitely are people that have traveled farther and went through worse than anything I experienced. One can probably find much more benefit in reading about their struggles compared to mine.

          The purpose of these memoirs was a personal insight into what life is like for someone that travels into a third word country to study their religion. It is supposed to be a noted explanation of experiences I personally encountered.

          I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “immature complaining” when Shaykh Anwar Shah kashmiri wrote about how his caravan was looted and he felt sad that he lost many books in the process or when Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal spoke about how he used to sell written manuscripts to fund his studies.

          There are other some other assumptions here that could be addressed, but it’s all good :).

          Salam.


          Nihal

  4. Avatar

    M

    October 28, 2015 at 9:41 PM

    I am wondering, you must have made friends with the local people at the Islamic Institution you were attending, didn’t they offer you help through out all these situations? Specially considering the fact that you were not local.

    • Avatar

      Nihal

      October 29, 2015 at 10:23 AM

      Yes, locals helped me. It’s in the article.

  5. Pingback: » Self-Revelations: Discovering Your Limits in India | The Motherland: Part II

  6. Avatar

    Nabil

    November 1, 2015 at 10:32 AM

    This is getting funnier, sorry.

    It is easier if you go with the flow. The quicker you adapt to local ways, the better it gets.

    And this may sound ironic, but enjoy the agony. I miss it now.

  7. Avatar

    Khalida

    November 15, 2015 at 9:30 AM

    As-salaamu ‘alaikum Nihal,

    JazaakAllahu khairan for sharing snippets of your experiences in India. I’m sure it’ll be of great benefit to anyone visiting foreign or only somewhat familiar countries. I applaud you for how you acted with the police officers. This scenario is probably more common than we’ve seen in Central and South Asian countries.

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#Society

MuslimARC Releases Guide for White Muslims By White Muslims

The author of the MuslimARC Guide writes an introduction

Bill Chambers

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“As people who are both white and Muslim, we straddle two identities -one privileged in society and the other, not. We experience Islamophobia to varying degrees, sometimes more overtly depending on how we physically present, and at the same time we have been socialized as white people in a society where white people hold more social power than People of Color (POC). The focus of the toolkit is to provide resources and information that will help guide us toward good practices and behaviours, and away from harmful ones, as we challenge racism within the Muslim community (ummah) and in society at large.” MuslimARC Guide 

As part of our mission to provide education and resources to advance racial justice within the Muslim community, the Muslim Anti-Racism Collaborative (MuslimARC) is producing a series of community-specific guides to be a resource for those who want to engage in anti-racism work within Muslim communities.

The first in this series, the Anti-Racism Guide for White Muslims, has been written specifically for white Muslims, by white Muslims under the guidance of the anti-racist principles of MuslimARC. While white Muslims know that Islamically we are required to stand for justice, growing up in a society that is so racially unequal has meant that unless we seek to actively educate ourselves, we typically have not been provided the tools to effectively talk about and address racism.

The Anti-Racism Guide for White Muslims is a tool and resource that speaks to specific needs of white Muslims who are navigating the process of deepening their understanding of racism and looking for concrete examples of how, from their specific social location, they can contribute to advancing anti-racism in Muslim communities. The Guide also addresses views and practices that inadvertently maintain the status quo of racial injustice or can actually reproduce harm, which we must tackle in ourselves and in our community in order to effectively contribute to uprooting racism.

The Guide was developed by two white Muslim members of MuslimARC, myself (Bill Chambers) and Lindsay Angelow. The experiences, approaches, recommendations, and resources are based upon our own experiences, those of other white Muslims we have encountered or spoken to, and research and analysis by others who have been cited in the Guide.

As white people, we are not always aware when we say or write something that reflects our often narrow analysis of racism and need to be open to feedback from Muslims of Color. My own personal process of helping to develop this Guide made me aware of the many times I was in discussions with Muslims of Color, especially women, when I had reflect better upon the privilege I experience as a white person and also the white male privilege that comes with it. It is difficult not to feel defensive when you realize you may have said too much and listened too little on a topic that is really not about you.

Talking about racism is a hard topic and we anticipate that for many white Muslims reading the Guide, there may be a feeling of defensiveness and having difficulty learning from the examples given because you feel that the examples don’t apply to you. You may feel the need to call to attention the various forms of injustice you feel you have experienced in your life, for example where you felt like an outsider as a convert in Muslim community. Our advice is to recognize that those reactions are related to living in a society where we are very much shielded from having to deeply understand racism and examining our role in it. In the spirit of knowledge seeking, critical thinking, and the call to justice communicated to us in the Qur’an as expectations that Allah has of Muslims, we must push past those reactions and approach the subject matter in the spirit of knowledge, skill-seeking, and growth.

“People, We have created you all from a single man and a single woman, and made you into races and tribes so that you should get to know one another (49:13).” One of our most important purposes is to really “get to know” one another, build just and loving communities together, all the time knowing we all come from the same source and will return together. If this Guide does anything, let it inspire a deeper understanding of our unique identity as white Muslims and how to use it to advance a more just society.

You can find the  #AntiRacismGuide for White Muslims at http://www.muslimarc.org/whitemuslimguide

Further reading:

White Activism Is Crucial In The Wake of Right-Wing Terrorism

Beyond Muslim Diversity to Racial Equity

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#Life

Are You Prepared for Marriage and Building a Family?

Mona Islam

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High School is that time which is ideal for preparing yourself for the rest of your life. There is so much excitement and opportunity. Youth is a time of energy, growth, health, beauty, and adventure. Along with the thrill of being one of the best times of life, there is a definite lack of life experience. In your youth, you end up depending on your own judgments as well as the advice of others who are further along the path. Your own judgments usually come from your own knowledge, assumptions, likes, and dislikes. No matter how wise, mature, or well-intended a youth is compared to his or her peers, the inherent lack of life experience can also mislead that person to go down a path which is not serving them or their loved ones best. A youth may walk into mistakes without knowing, or get themselves into trouble resulting from naivety.

Salma and Yousef: 

Salma and Yousef had grown up in the same community for many years. They had gone to the same masjid and attended youth group together during high school. After going off to college for a few years, both were back in town and found that they would make good prospects for marriage for each other. Yousef was moving along his career path, and Salma looked forward to her new relationship. Yousef was happy to settle down. The first few months after marriage were hectic: getting a new place, organizing, managing new jobs and extended family. After a few months, they began to wonder when things would settle down and be like the vision they had about married life.

Later with valuable life experience, we come to realize that the ideas we had in our youth about marriage and family are far from what are they are in reality. The things that we thought mattered in high school, may not matter as much, and the things that we took for granted really matter a lot more than we realized. In retrospect, we learn that marriage is not simply a door that we walk through which changes our life, but something that each young Muslim and Muslima should be preparing for individually through observation, introspection, and reflection. In order to prepare for marriage, each person must intend to want to be the best person he or she can be in that role. There is a conscious process that they must put themselves through.

This conscious process should begin in youth. Waiting until marriage to start this process is all too late. We must really start preparing for marriage as a conscious part of our growth, self-development, and character building from a young age. The more prepared we are internally, the better off we will be in the process of marriage. The best analogy would be the stronger the structure and foundation of a building, the better that building will be able to serve its purpose and withstand the environment. Another way to think of this process is like planting a seed. We plant a seed long before the harvest, but the more time, care, and attention, the more beautiful and beneficial the fruits will be.

 

Sarah and Hasan:

Hasan grew up on the East Coast. He had gone to boarding school all through high school, especially since his parents had died in an unfortunate accident. His next of kin was his aunt and uncle, who managed his finances, and cared for him when school was not in session. Hasan was safe and comfortable with his aunt and uncle, but he always felt there was something missing in his life. During his college years, Hasan was introduced to Sarah and eventually they decided to get married.

The first week of his new job, Hasan caught a really bad case of the flu that made it hard for him to get his projects done. Groggy in bed, he sees Sarah appear with a tray of soup and medicine every day until he felt better. Nobody had ever done that for him before. He remembered the “mawaddah and rahmah” that the Quran spoke of.

Knowledge, Skills, and Understanding:

The process of growing into that person who is ready to start a family is that we need to first to be aware of ourselves and be aware of others around us. We have to have knowledge of ourselves and our environment. With time, reflection and life experience, that knowledge activates into understanding and wisdom. This activity the ability to make choices between right and wrong, and predict how our actions will affect others related to us.

Preview:

This series is made up of several parts which make up a unit about preparation for family life. Some of the topics covered include:

  • The Family Unit In Islam
  • Characteristics of an Individual Needed for Family Life
  • The Nuclear Family
  • The Extended Family

Hamza and Tamika

Tamika and Hamza got married six months ago. Tamika was getting her teacher certification in night school and started her first daytime teaching job at the local elementary school. She was shocked at the amount of energy it took to manage second graders. She thought teaching was about writing on a board and reading books to kids, but found out it had a lot more to do with discipline, speaking loudly, and chasing them around. This week she had state testing for the students and her finals at night school. She was not sure how to balance all this with her new home duties. One day feeling despair, she walked in her kitchen and found a surprise. Hamza had prepared a beautiful delicious dinner for them that would last a few days, and the home looked extra clean too. Tamika was pleasantly surprised and remembered the example of our Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him).

The Family Unit in Islam

We always have to start with the beginning. We have to ask, “What is the family unit in Islam?” To answer this we take a step further back, asking, “What is the world-wide definition of family? Is it the same for all people? Of course not. “Family” means a lot of different things to a lot of different people across the world. As Muslims, what family means to us, is affected by culture and values, as well as our own understanding of Islam.

The world-wide definition of family is a group of people who are related to each other through blood or marriage. Beyond this point, is where there are many differences in views. Some people vary on how distantly related to consider a family. In some cultures, family is assumed to be only the nuclear family, consisting of mom dad and kids only. Other cultures assume family includes an extended family. Another large discrepancy lies in defining family roles and responsibilities. Various cultures promote different behavioral norms for different genders or roles in the family. For example, some cultures promote women staying at home in a life of luxury, while others esteem women joining the workforce while raising their kids on the side. Living styles vary too, where some cultures prefer individual family homes, while in other parts of the world extended families live together in large buildings always interacting with each other.

 

Layla and Ibrahim   

Layla and Ibrahim met at summer retreat where spirituality was the focus, and scholars were teaching them all day. Neither of them was seriously considering getting married, but one of the retreat teachers thought they might make a good match. It seemed like a fairytale, and the retreat gave them an extra spiritual high. Layla could not imagine anything going wrong. She was half Italian and half Egyptian, and Ibrahim came from a desi family. Soon after the nikah, Layla moved across the country into Ibrahim’s family home, where his parents, three siblings, and grandmother lived.  Come Ramadan, Layla’s mother-in-law, Ruqayya, was buying her new clothes to wear to the masjid. It was out of love, but Sarah had never worn a shalwar kameez in all her life! Ruqayya Aunty started getting upset when Layla was not as excited about the clothes as she was.

As Eid approached, Layla had just picked a cute dress from the department store that she was looking forward to wearing. Yet again, her mother-in-law had other plans for her.

Layla was getting upset inside. It was the night before Eid and the last thing she wanted to do was fight with her new husband. She did not want that stress, especially because they all lived together. At this point, Layla started looking through her Islamic lecture notes. She wanted to know, was this request from her mother-in-law a part of the culture, or was it part of the religion?

Marriage

The basis of all families, undoubtedly, is the institution of marriage. In the Islamic model, the marriage consists of a husband and a wife. In broad terms, marriage is the commitment of two individuals towards each other and their children to live and work together to meet and support each other’s needs in the way that they see fit. What needs they meet vary as well, from person to person, and family to family. The marriage bond must sustain the weight of fulfilling first their own obligations toward each other. This is the priority. The marriage must also be strong enough to hold the responsibility of raising the kids, and then the extended family.

How are we as Muslims unique and what makes us different from other family models? We are responsible to Allah. The end goals are what makes us different, and the method in which we work. In other family systems, beliefs are different, goals are different, and the motives are different. Methods can especially be different. In the end, it is quite a different system. What makes us better? Not because we say we are better or because we automatically feel better about ourselves due to a misplaced feeling of superiority. But instead it is because we are adhering to the system put in place by the most perfect God, Allah, the Creator and Sustainer of all the worlds, the One Who knows best what it is we need.

Family Roles:

Each person in the family has a role which Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has meant for them to have, and which ethics and common sense tell us to follow. However, our nafs and ego can easily misguide us to live our family life in the wrong way, which is harmful and keeps us suffering. Suffering can take place in many ways. It can take place in the form of neglect or abuse. In the spectrum of right and wrong, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) tells us that we are a nation meant for the middle path. So we should not go to any extreme in neglect or abuse.

What are the consequences of mishandling our family roles? Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) calls this type of wrongdoing “transgression” or “oppression”. There are definitely consequences of oppression, abuse, and neglect. There are worldly consequences which we feel in this life, and there are long term consequences in the Akhirah.

Razan and Farhaan

Razan and Farhan had gotten married two years ago. Since they were from different towns, Razan would have to move to Farhaan’s hometown. On top of the change of married life, Razan felt pangs of homesickness and did not know many people in the new town. However, Farhaan did not realize what she was going through. He still had the same friends he grew up with for years. They had a die-hard routine to go to football games on Friday night and play basketball on Saturday at the rec center.

Razan was losing her patience. How could he think it was okay to go out with his friends twice on the weekend? Yet he expected her to keep the home together? Her blood started to boil. What does Islam say about this?

Mawaddah and Rahma

The starting point of a family is a healthy relationship between the husband and wife. Allah SWT prescribed in Surah 25: verse 74, that the marriage relationship is supposed to be built on Mawaddah (compassion) and Rahma (mercy). A loving family environment responds to both the needs of the children and the needs of parents. Good parenting prepares children to become responsible adults.

Aliyaah and Irwan

Aliyaah and Irwan had homeschooled their twin children, Jannah and Omar, for four years. They were cautious about where to admit their children for the next school year. Aliyaah felt that she wanted to homeschool her children for another few years. There were no Islamic Schools in their town. Irwan wanted to let his kids go to public schools. He felt that was nothing wrong with knowing how things in the real world are. However, every conversation they started about this issue ended up into a conflict or fight. This was beginning to affect their relationship.

Parenting

Two significant roles that adults in a family play are that they are married and they are parents. It is important that parents work to preserve and protect their marital relationship since it is really the pillar which supports the parenting role. Parenting is a role which Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) directly addresses in our religion. We will be asked very thoroughly about this most important role which we will all play in our lives.

There is a hadith in which the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) reminds us,

“All of you are shepherds and responsible for your wards under you care. The imam is the shepherd of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is a shepherd of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for it. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s belongings and is responsible for them. A man is the shepherd of his father’s property and is responsible for them”. (Bukhari and Muslim)

Islam has placed a lot of importance on the family unit. A family is the basic building block of Islam. A strong family can facilitate positive social change within itself and the society as a whole. The Quran asserts that human beings are entrusted by their Creator to be his trustees on Earth, thus they need to be trained and prepared for the task of trusteeship (isthiklaf).

Asa youth, it is important to make a concerted effort to develop our family skills so that we grow into that role smoothly. Proper development will prepare a person emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically for marriage and family life.

Mona Islam is a youth worker, community builder, motivational speaker, writer, and author. For the past 25 years, Sr. Mona has been on the forefront of her passion both locally and nationally, which is inculcating character development in youth (tarbiyah).  Sr. Mona has extensive knowledge of Islamic sciences through the privilege of studying under many scholars and traveling worldwide.  An educator by profession, she is a published author, completed her masters in Educational Admin and currently doing her doctorate in Curriculum and Instruction. Sr. Mona is married with five children and lives in Houston, TX.

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#Culture

Emotional Intelligence: A Tool for Change  

Imam Mikaeel Smith

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Why do we consider emotional intelligence to be half of the Prophetic intellect? The answer lies in the word “messenger.” Messengers of Allah are tasked with the divine responsibility of conveying to humanity the keys to their salvation. They are not only tasked with passing on the message but also with being a living example of that message.

When ʿĀʾishah, the wife of the Prophet ﷺ, was asked to explain the character of the blessed Prophet ﷺ, her reply was, “His character was the Qurʾān.[1]” We are giving emotional intelligence a place of primacy in the construct of Prophetic intelligence because it seems implausible that Allah would send a messenger without providing that messenger with the means necessary to exemplify and transmit the message to others. If the Prophets of Allah did not have the necessary knowledge and skills needed to successfully pass on the message to the next generation, the argument would be incomplete. People could easily excuse themselves of all accountability because the message was never conveyed.

We also see clear examples in the Qur’ān that this knowledge was being perpetually perfected in the character of the Prophet ﷺ. Slight slips in his Emotional Intelligence were rare, but when they did occur, Allah gently addressed the mistake by means of revelation. Allah says in the Qurʾān, “If you (O Muḥammad) were harsh and hardhearted, then the people would flee from you.” This verse clearly placed the burden of keeping an audience upon the shoulders of the Prophet ﷺ. What this means is that the Prophet ﷺ had to be aware of what would push people away; he had to know what would create cognitive and emotional barriers to receptivity. When we study the shamāʾil (books about his character), we find that he was beyond exceptional in his ability to make people receptive. He took great care in studying the people around him and deeply understanding them. Only after the Prophet ﷺ had exhausted all the means of removing barriers to receptivity would the responsibility to affirm the message be shifted to those called to it.

Another example of this Prophetic responsibility can be found in the story of Prophet Mūsa when he was commissioned to call Pharaoh and the children of Israel to Allah. When Allah informed him of the task he was chosen for, he immediately attempted to excuse himself because he had a slight speech impediment. He knew that his speech impediment could potentially affect the receptivity of people to the message. He felt that this disqualified him from being a Prophet. He also felt that the act of manslaughter he committed might come between the people and guidance. All of these examples show that Allah’s Prophets understood that many factors can affect a person’s receptivity to learning something new, especially when the implications of that new information call into question almost every aspect of a person’s identity. History tells us that initially, people did not accept the message of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ; they completely rejected him and accused him of being a liar.

One particular incident shows very clearly that he ﷺ understood how necessary it was for him to remove any cognitive or emotional barriers that existed between him and his community. When the people of his hometown of Makkah had almost completely rejected him, he felt that it was time to turn his attention to a neighboring town. The city of Ṭā’if was a major city and the Prophet ﷺ was hopeful that perhaps they would be receptive to the message. Unfortunately, they completely rejected him and refused to even listen to what he had to say. They chased him out of town, throwing stones at him until his injuries left him completely covered in blood. Barely making it outside the city, the Prophet ﷺ collapsed. Too weak to move, he turned his attention to his Lord and made one of the most powerful supplications made by a Prophet of Allah.

اللهم إليك أشكو ضعف قوتي، وقلة حيلتي، وهواني على الناس، يا أرحم الراحمين، أنت أنت رب المستضعفين وأنت ربي، إلى من تكلني؟ إلى عدو يتجهمني؟ أو إلى قريب ملكته أمري؟ إن لم يكن بك علي غضب فلا أبالي، غير أن عافيتك أوسع لي، أعوذ بنور وجهك الذي أشرقت له الظلمات، وصلح عليه أمر الدنيا والآخرة، من أن ينزل بي غضبك، أو يحل علي سخطك، لك العتبى حتى ترضى، ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بك”

“Oh Allah, only to You do I complain about my lack of strength, my insufficient strategies, and lowliness in the sight of the people. You are my Lord. To whom do you turn me over? Someone distant from me who will forsake me? Or have you placed my affair in the hands of my enemy? [2]

The Prophet ﷺ felt that he was the reason why the people were not accepting the message. His concern that “my low status in the eyes of the people,” informs us that he understood that people naturally judge the seriousness of a message based on the stature of the message bearer. The people of Ṭā’if were extremely ignorant, so much that they adamantly refused to enter into any dialogue. In reality, this was not due to any shortcoming of the Prophet ﷺ; he demonstrated the best of character and displayed extreme patience in the face of such ignorance. But the beginning of the supplication teaches us what he was focused on: making sure that he was not the reason why someone did not accept the message.

Because his message was not geographically restricted like that of other Prophets, those who inherited the message would have the extra burden of transferring the message to a people with whom they were unfamiliar. The intelligence needed to pass the message of the Prophet Muḥammad ﷺ around the world included an understanding of the cultural differences that occur between people. Without this understanding effective communication and passing on of his message would be impossible.

A sharp Emotional Intelligence is built upon the development of both intra- and interpersonal intelligence. These intelligences are the backbone of EQ and they provide a person with emotional awareness and understanding of his or her own self, an empathic understanding of others, and the ability needed to communicate effectively and cause change. Emotional Intelligence by itself is not sufficient for individual reform or societal reform; instead, it is only one part of the puzzle. The ʿaql or intellect that is referenced repeatedly in the Qurʾān is a more comprehensive tool that not only recognizes how to understand the psychological and emotional aspects of people but recognizes morally upright and sound behavior. After that this intellect, if healthy and mature, forces a person to conform to that standard. Therefore, we understand the ʿaql to be a comprehensive collection of intelligences analogous to Howard Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences theory.

Taking into consideration the extreme diversity found within Western Muslim communities, we see how both Moral Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence are needed. Fostering and nurturing healthy communities requires that we understand how people receive our messages. This is the interpersonal intelligence aspect of EQ. Without grounding the moral component of our community, diversity can lead to what some contemporary moral theorists call moral plasticity, a phenomenon where concrete understandings of good and evil, right and wrong, are lost. Moral Education (Moral Education, which will be discussed throughout the book, is the process of building a Morally Intelligent heart) focuses on correcting the message that we are communicating to the world; in other words, Moral Intelligence helps us maintain our ideals and live by them, while Emotional Intelligence ensures that the message is effectively communicated to others.

My father would often tell me, “It’s not what you say, son; it’s what they hear.”

Interpersonal understanding is the core of emotional intelligence. My father would often tell me, “It’s not what you say, son; it’s what they hear.” From the perspective of Emotional Intelligence, this statement is very accurate. The way we interpret words, body language, verbal inflections, and facial expressions is based on many different factors. The subtle power of this book lies in the simple fact that your emotional intelligence is the primary agent of change and thus the most powerful force you have. You must understand how people perceive what you are communicating to them. What is missing from my father’s statement is the primacy of Moral Intelligence. Throughout this book, I attempt to show how the Prophet Muḥammad ﷺ demonstrated a level of perfection of both of these intelligences.

*With the Heart in Mind is available for pre-order at https://www.qalam.foundation/qalambooks/with-the-heart-in-mind

[1]Bayhaqī, Shuʿb al-ʾĪmān, vol. 3, p. 23.

[2] Ibn Kathir, al-Bidāyah wa al-Nihāyah, vol. 3, p. 136.

 

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