Domestic Violence Series

The End to Hitting Women: Islamic Perspective on Domestic Violence | Imam Abdullah Hasan

Published

December 21, 2013

Introduction

Perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misconstrued verses in the Qur’ān by Muslims and non-Muslims alike is verse 4:34, the so-called ‘chastisement verse’. Those who claim that the verse allows husbands to hit their wives argue that the verse suggests a three step solution in the event of a family dispute where ill-conduct has been committed on part of the wife. The verse instructs first that the husband may exhort his wife and appeal to her reason (wa‘ẓ).[3] If the problem continues, the husband may then express his displeasure by sleeping in a separate bed.[4]If the wife persists in the deliberate mistreatment of her husband, expression of contempt, and disregards her marital obligations, the husband, they argue, as a third step, may resort to ḍarb as a means to ‘save the marriage’.

The verse prescribes these three conflict resolution measures in the case of a dispute between husband and wife. The most contentious segment of the verse is the imperative waḍhribūhunna (hit them). The word, coming from the trilateral root ḍ-r-b, in this verse has commonly appeared in modern English translations of the Qur’ān as “hit” or “beat lightly”. The addition of “lightly” reflects a dependence on traditional commentary (tafsīr) of the verse. Other translators have instead used words such as “tap” and “pat” to represent a physical type of admonishment that is not at the level of hitting or beating. All of these translations, I would argue, do not take into account the context of the verse vis a vis the passage following it. Others have posited seemingly far-fetched translations, wherein, they argue; ḍarb implies sexual intercourse,[5] or the temporary separation[6] of husband and wife. Although the Prophet did separate from his wives when a dispute arose, I argue that this is not the primary purport of the verse.

Insofar as a translation must maintain a ‘literal’ expressive framework, the most adequate one-word translation of the word ḍaraba would be “to percuss” or, “to strike’’ or tap lightly as a doctor would examine a patient”. In this study, however, I will show that the real meaning of waḍribūhunna is not literal, but that the imperative is a stand in for a metonymic expression of anger and display of displeasure. This interpretation, I argue, has basis in the works of the Muftī (judge) of Makkah and the student of Ibn Abbās (interpreter of the Qur’ān), ‘Aṭā’Ibn Abī Rabāḥ[7] (d. 114 AH), and is, in fact, suggested by the writings of a large number of scholars.

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In this brief study I will provide a comprehensive overview of the phrase waḍribūhunna from it’s linguistic (lugha/philology), rhetorical (balāghīyya), jurisprudential (fiqhiyya), exegetical (tafsīriyya) framework, and include some supporting traditions (ḥadīṭh) of the Prophet.[8] I will not be able to delve into similar discussions surrounding the terms qawwāmūn, wahjurūhunna, [9]nushūẓ(in detail) and other such controversial terms in this particular verse will not be the focus of this article. They will be addressed in a much more extensive study “Spousal Reprimand in Islam”, God willing. The following remarks on the phrase wadhribūhunna are only summarized from it.

What is Domestic Abuse?

Defining Domestic Abuse:

The UK Government defines domestic violence as:

“Any incident of threatening behavior, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.”[10]

Domestic abuse, or more precisely IPV[11] (Intimate Partner Violence), occurs across all societies, and in many couples, regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality, wealth or geography. Technically then, although women can perpetrate domestic abuse (IPV) against men, studies show that domestic abuse is mostly carried out by men against women.[12] Home Office figures reveal that, on average, 100 women and 30 men a year die due to domestic abuse. While most of these women are killed by men, the statistics reveal that approximately one third of the men are killed by other men and a little under one third are killed by women against whom they have a documented history of abuse. Furthermore, children in such relationships are often affected—whether directly, or indirectly. There also exists a strong correlation between domestic violence and child abuse, suggesting overlap rates between 40-60%.[13]

Whatever form it takes, domestic abuse is rarely a one-off incident, but a pattern of abusive and controlling behavior through which the abuser seeks power over their victim. Typically, the pattern of abuse only tends to get worse over time. Domestic abuse can begin at any time, in the first year or after many years of two partners living together. It may also begin, continue, or escalate after a couple have separated. Domestic abuse may occur at home or in a public space.[14]

Understanding the Qur’anic Paradigm:

Under no circumstances is such abuse against women, in its various manifestations, encouraged or allowed in Islam. There are many examples in Qur’ān and ḥadīth that describe the sort of loving, respectful, and kind behaviour that husbands and wives ought to exhibit to one another.

The Qur’ān eloquently describes the reciprocal marital relationship stating “…they (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them…”[15]In the Qur’ānic paradigm, marriage is represented as a means of tranquillity, protection, encouragement, peace, kindness, comfort, justice, mercy, and love (2:187 & 229-237; 4:19 & 25; 9:71; 30:21). It indicates that marriage is a sharing between two halves of society and that its objectives, besides perpetuating human life, are emotional well-being and spiritual harmony. In fact, an entire chapter exclusively entitled “Women” describes guidelines of behavior, a code of ethics and conflict resolution in all aspects (e.g., care, inheritance, marriage, divorce, conflict resolution, etc.) that relate to women.[16]

Moreover, several verses specifically enjoin kindness to women in contexts of marriage and inheritance where they may have the upper hand (2:229-237, 4:19, 4:25), or in the context of the marital home where there ought to be a spirit of love and kindness (30:21; 9:71). In other verses, God calls men and women “protecting friends of one another”. Still other verses express God’s disapproval of the oppression or ill treatment of women.

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Sh. Abdullah Hasan

Sh. Abdullah Hasan holds an Imam Diploma, BA, and Ijaza Aliyah in Islamic Studies from a European seminary. Disciplines include fiqh, usul al-fiqh, Ifta, and other traditional subjects. He also has a diploma in Arabic from Zarqa Private University and studied at the college of fiqh wa usuluhu at the same university, receiving private training from renowned Scholars in Jordan and the Middle East. With a background in counselling and psychology, he has provided therapy for individuals, couples, and families for over a decade. He holds certificates and diplomas in person-centred psychotherapy, marriage and youth counselling, and SFBT psychotherapy. Sh. A. Hasan is currently pursuing a doctorate in applied psychology after completing a Master's degree in the same field, and also Masters Programme in Medical Psychology. His expertise also extends to Zakat and Islamic philanthropic studies. Having served as an Imam in various UK Muslim communities, Sh. A. Hasan is deeply committed to community and people development. He brings over 10 years of experience in management, leadership, and training within the third sector. Currently, he serves as a teacher of Islamic psychology and counselling, a Consultant Counselling Psychologist at Gift Foundation. Additionally, he provides Chaplaincy counselling from multiple mosques in London, UK. Sh. A. Hasan is the founder of significant initiatives such as Imams Against Domestic Abuse (IADA), the British Imams, Scholars Contributions and Achievements (BISCA Awards), and the British Institutes, Mosques, and Associations (BIMA Awards). He is a member of The Association of Islamic Mental-Health Specialists (AIMS) and actively contributes to numerous other community organisations and projects, nationally and globally.

29 Comments

Fritz

December 22, 2013 at 7:28 AM

Sad to say, psychological abuse is probably more common that physical abuse (and both are deplorable)

Unfortunately, the former is very often perpetrated by woman (sometimes unknowingly) and can be just as toxic. It would be great to see an article also deal with this element to provide a comprehensive warning.

Reply
Shazan

December 22, 2013 at 10:01 AM

Assalam o Alekum!
Jazakillah khair Brother! This is a burning issue and require considerable attention.

Reply
Mahmud

December 22, 2013 at 11:26 AM

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

What makes me uneasy is that it seems to be clear that the word means “hit” literally as the hadith on the matter are pretty clear….the ayah was revealed and then the women complained an so on……..

Reply
- Mahmud
  
  December 28, 2013 at 1:48 AM
  
  Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
  
  Can I at least get a reason as to why my comment was edited? I merely started it with expressing gratitude to the Imam for defending the apostasy law in Islam(where the murtad is killed) and then said I felt a bit uneasy about the conclusions here……
  
  What is wrong with that? May I get a reason?
  
  Reply
  - Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi
    
    December 29, 2013 at 1:20 AM
    
    Your wording was unclear and we couldn’t understand what you were trying to convey in the beginning of the comment.
    
    Reply
    - Mahmud
      
      December 29, 2013 at 11:46 AM
      
      Best to assume well then…..
      
      In any case, while I find this article to be pretty strange, I say, Imam Abdullah Hasan has been helpful to me, I loved his website(when it was up!) as he had a very nice article on Ibn Ashur and other stuff we might not easily find easily elsewhere which is always something to appreciate.
      
      In addition, I can’t thank him enough for his explanation of certain hudud laws, the difference of opinion among Ulema concerning it, and he finally made the apostasy law make sense as I didn’t fully understand it before(although every law in Sharia must be accepted even if we do not understand it.)
      
      Here is the wonderful blog he used to use, it has very nice explanations of certain Hudud laws, and the beautiful explanation of the apostasy bit is on the bottom:
      http://maqasid.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/unnatural-offences-the-controversy/
      
      Good to see an Imam with a strong foundation in Arabic and Fiqh. Islam QA is nice because they should daleel in English translation and everything, but Imam Abdullah Hasan explained it in a very easy to understand manner.
      
      Fiqh is usually something not easy on the layman so I naturally appreciate it when someone is willing to go into the time and detail necessary to explain a certain issue, especially controversial modern ones and not be apologetic.
      
      Reply
      - Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi
        
        December 30, 2013 at 12:20 AM
        
        I understood that clearly worded comment Alhamdulillah. :)
        
        -Aly
        *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*
GregAbdul

December 22, 2013 at 4:27 PM

don’t want to diss or sidestep this, but the real issue is Muslim teens. I just got battered by my son. He refuses to study. The go into a funk at about 13 and fight to not come out of it. At the time they should be launching themselves into the world, they sulk and underperform and expect parents to take care of them forever. I am pretty sure this is more wide spread than the battering. I know not to hit my wife. My kid doesn’t know he’s not supposed to hit me. So who’s out here to stop me from ending up in an emergency room? I’ve talked with the police. It’s like, since I’m a guy…so what?

Reply
- RCHOUDH
  
  December 24, 2013 at 5:56 PM
  
  Salaam Brother,
  
  I pray things get better between you and your son. Do you know if anything is bothering him at school or if he’s having trouble understanding certain subjects? Sometimes kids act out of tremendous stress and anxiety over school. Hopefully things will get better for your son soon In sha Allah.
  
  Reply
Motie Omari

December 22, 2013 at 6:43 PM

Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahe wa barakatuh

Jazaka Allahu khairan Imam Abdullah for writing this exceptional essay on 4:34 and to MM for publishing the above article.

ISNA Horizons magazine several years ago dedicated a whole issue on Domestic Violence and included was the essay you quoted for Dr. Abdulhamid Abu Sulayman; highly recommended along with your essay

[http://theamericanmuslim.org/tam.php/features/articles/quran_434_chastising_women_a_means_to_resolve_marital_problems/]

Also, a Qur’an student in the UK has published a website and 88 page book solely dedicated to ayah 4:34 that can be read for free at his site or bought from Amazon. *

[http://quran434.com/]

Also; here’s a helpful essay by Yusuf Estes to help couples maintain the love and respect in their marriages and hopefully will never ever face discord or any type of abuse:

28 Tips To Be A Successful (Muslim) Spouse!
– Yusuf Estes

[http://islamnewsroom.com/news-we-need/1779] *

May we all be blessed and guided to better understand the teachings of the Qur’an and Sunnah in sha Allah.

Thank you, your brother,

Motie Omari مطيع العمري

P.S. In regards to the respectable brother who stated that his son was hitting him; very sorry to read that, many kids get influenced from the violence in video games, abusive friends, or even abusive siblings/parents; not necessarily physically, rather emotionally or verbally

We make dua’ that perhaps a local Imam/Scholar or family therapists trained in family counseling can assist your family and son to find out why he hit his own father, wa nauthu billah.

===========================================================

* NOTE from Yusuf Estes: Marriage is considered “Half the Deen” (very important part of Islam).

Yet we are seeing failures in marriages all around us. Family fights are on the rise, women and children are being abused and many families are falling apart. More and more marriages are ending up in divorce even amongst the most religious of families, and the Muslims are no exception.

So many marriages are failing these days, even amongst the most religious of families, and Muslims are no exception.

This greatly saddens me and I hope by publishing this article here on our website, we might come to a better understanding and better relationship with our spouses, in sha’ Allah.

Reply
mustafa

December 22, 2013 at 6:58 PM

salaam, here is another one witten by amer jamil: http://www.unityfamily.co.uk/files/What_Islam_Really_Says_About_Domestic_Abuse.pdf

Reply
mustafa

December 22, 2013 at 7:02 PM

Has anyone watched this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_Vo4NkfddY

Reply
mustafa

December 22, 2013 at 7:06 PM

sheikh abdullah adhami’s interesting video on wife beating

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKMPVpjYrN4

Reply
25 years In Islam

December 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

Verbal Abuse can be worse than Physical Abuse especially if your spouse is manipulative. People often assume you did something to deserve the abuse, so you get no support or sympathy. May Allah protect us from all forms of violence.

Reply
- SisterX
  
  December 30, 2013 at 11:25 PM
  
  I appreciate this topic being presented. It would be nice if more articles on MM could also address issues of domestic violence, as well as emotional and verbal abuse.
  
  In my personal experience, I think both the abuser and the abused are well aware that these behaviors are not encouraged by Islam. Unfortunately Islamic rulings are often wrongly used to justify and allow the abuse to continue to take place because there is such an emphasis on obeying the husband. The wife, meanwhile often has no support in the community because there is a feeling that it is a private manner, she should not expose his mistakes, and that perhaps some may feel that she somehow deserves the abuse.
  
  On the other hand, Islamic rulings can be a source of empowerment to Muslim women. Understanding your rights in Islam can help you identify when your rights are being violated.
  
  Reply
cedar

December 24, 2013 at 1:27 AM

While I myself am not knowledgeable in this area. I still find it odd to break from the overwhelming majority opinion on this topic. There are also multiple sources from the sunnah (more explicit, less ambiguous) that bolster the majority view. I can see the need to advise people, but to sidestep this and portray this view as mistaken is very hard for me to accept :)

Reply
RCHOUDH

December 24, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Jazakillah ul khair for this informative article. I’ll be sure to finish reading it soon and pass it on to others who may benefit from it. I was recently speaking to someone about the issue of domestic violence in Muslim communities and, while conceding that it is a major problem, he also said that other sorts of abuses take place in Muslim communities too, such as parental abuse. I stated that while it’s true about other forms of abuse being prevalent right now unfortunately (whether it was parental, child, and/or sexual abuse) I couldn’t think of any other abuse where Islam was used to “justify” said abuse like spousal abuse. That particular ayat has been misinterpreted all too often by people who fail to take into context and apply it properly to the real world.

Reply
Hina Ansari

December 24, 2013 at 10:12 PM

Asalamu-alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

JazakAllah Khayr for this highly essential, revealing and explanatory article, and for the links posted in the replies/comments above.

I will inshaAllah pass this on.

Wasalaam

Reply
Riz Khan

December 25, 2013 at 2:23 AM

Mashallah! great effort and we as one Ummah require such efforts on large scale. I was looking at the list of countries given in the article “The Best and Worst Places for Women” link below
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/09/20/best-and-worst-countries-for-women-the-full-list.html
All the best countries for women are non muslim countries while the worst lies down the list are mostly muslim countries.

Some shocking facts- the worst country according the list is Chad (165), Aghanistan, Yemen, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Mali, Solomon Islands, Niger, Pakistan, Ethiopia, Sudan, Guinea, Sierra Leone, Nigeria, Guinea-Bissau, Benin, Côte d’Ivoire, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Saudi Arabia (147).

The best countries according to the list are Iceland (1), Sweden, Canada, Denmark, Finland, Switzerland, Norway, United States of America, Australia, Netherlands, New Zealand, France, Luxembourg, Portugal, Republic of Macedonia, Republic of Moldova, Philippines, Belgium, United Kingdom Romania (20).

I was shocked to find Saudi Arabia and Pakistan amongst the worst 18 countries for women. Let us suppose for a moment that this list is not correct; still we all know the women position in muslim countries is not exemplary. We all know Islam gave unprecedented rights to women but why this is not reflected by the society. Is there anything wrong? was/is our scholars and prominent leaders somewhat lax in this respect? There is a need of such initiative taken by all the muslim scholars. Those who lead prayers should emphasise to treat women gently, respectfully and with love. Each and every forum should be use to advocate for the rights of wormen. It is disgusting to find muslim countries with high domestic violence.

‘

Reply
Riz Khan

December 25, 2013 at 9:29 AM

A good idea for muslim women seems to be having martial arts training before marriage.. at least a black belt. Also giving permission to husbands to have 4 wives may prove beneficial as four wives are more likely to beat a single husband than the other wary around.

Reply
Mahmud

December 26, 2013 at 5:01 PM

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Advertising is allowed but my comments aren’t? The most I said was I felt uneasy with the conclusion……….

Reply
- Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi
  
  December 27, 2013 at 8:54 AM
  
  WaAlaikum Assalam Wa Rehmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu:
  
  You are on moderation, the spammer is now on the spam list. All comments are subject to our comments policy. Please don’t go down the why path again. Any moderated comments will take time to approve or may not be approved.
  
  Best Regards
  CommentsTeam
  
  Reply
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Mahnoor Khalid

January 2, 2014 at 4:09 AM

Assalam.o.alaekum
Women’s rights have got a great importance in Islam. Islam does not allow to beat women.
In a Hadith the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) is reported to have said: “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?”
Quran is the central religious text of Islam,According to Quran the relationship between the husband and wife should be based on mutual love and kindness. Allah says: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Quran: Ar-Rum 21)

Reply
Parvez

January 14, 2014 at 3:31 PM

I have a question as to how is the word daraba in the Quran [4:34] meptaphoric and not literal?

regarding the verse [Surah nisa verse 34];

Ibn `Abbas (ra) and several others said that the Ayah refers to a beating that is not violent. Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that it means, a beating that is not severe. [Tafsir Ibn kathir]

The most prominent sahaba in regards to tafsir of the Quran ; Abdullah Ibn Abbas (ra) surely has more authority then Ata ibn Rabah.

All the 4 Madhabs understood the particual part of the verse as literal and also all the verses of the Quran related to social, marital, fiqh matters are to be taken as what the verse apparently states thus literally.

The Quran is the clear book of guidance and not a book of secret codes.

If the particular daraba in verse [4:34] is metaphoric and means anger and not literal, then why did most of the classical scholars understood it as literal?

why is there not an arabic word clearly stating anger in that verse?

This clearly proves that verses related to fiqh and social matters are to be taken as literal.

lets not change the interpretation of the Quran in order to please the athiest and agnostics.
Our purpose of following the Quran is only to please Allah (swt).

hence the verse means lightly hitting the wife as last resort if she is rebellious.

even the human history of ten of thousands of years followed this way as lightly hitting the rebellious wife as last resort.

the fiqh laws of the quran is practical and does not go against the human nature.

just because the non muslims have changed their moral values and social values does not mean we should follow them. in fact the kaafir’s radical change clearly proves they were wrong in many social and moral matters therefore there is no evidence to suggest that some how after 10,000yrs that all of a sudden they know what is right now with no authority from Allah.

Reply
- MuFu
  
  September 23, 2015 at 4:04 PM
  
  While I agree with you that womans can make use of heavy mental violence in a partnership and that this is not seen as harmful as physical violence I must remind here, if you want to have the right to hit your woman you are doing good doing this in a country where it isnt forbidden. Like it or not, find it reasonable or not, but in a western society we have to bow to western laws and therfore we dont hit anyone, be it woman or man. Hitting was never a good solution in a conflict, it is shutting down the expression of dissatisfaction of the other at that moment _but_ it doesnt solve the true problem!
  
  Reply
  - Parvez
    
    November 5, 2015 at 10:26 PM
    
    Yes I agree that if the law states no hitting unconditionally than its ok to follow such law.
    
    However the writer of the article seems to suggest that the religion itself implies such law, which i respectfully disagree due to few reasons.
    
    please note Islam does not support abuse and the beating of women, words whose meanings are reflected from experiences of violence against women in the west. People have to be careful with their words. The fact that Prophet Muhammad never hit one of his wives does not mean it is not allowed for a husband to do so when the Qur’an has permitted it. This is a logical fallacy and it does not take someone a great distance to discover that there are many narrations where Prophet Muhammad upheld the permission of correcting one’s wife using a physical reprimand
    
    1. There is no authentic chain of narrators back to ‘Ata regarding the writer’s argument. This is important, especially if someone wants to use it to change the meanings of all other evidence on the issue.
    
    2. It is only a statement of ‘Ata and cannot stand against hadith. The author’s idea cannot explain the ‘chastise them in a way that leaves no mark’ (dharb ghayr mubarrih) phrase in the hadith of the Farewell Pilgrimage when the Messenger of Allah said:
    
    “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that, (in that case) chastise them in a way that leaves no mark (i.e. not severe). Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a befitting manner.” [Muslim – hadith 2950]
    
    It is important here to make the point that this statement is reported by Muslim and it refers to the last pilgrimage of Prophet Muhammad, just three months before his death, which refutes the idea that there was a transition in culture from Mecca to Madinah.
    
    3. ‘Ata hismelf narrated, I asked Ibn ‘Abbas: What is the beating that leaves no marks? He said, ‘With a tooth stick and the like.” [Al-Tabari, Ibn Jarir, Jami‘ al-Bayan fi Ta’wil al-Qur’an]
    
    4. Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam did not allow abuse of women but he allowed husbands to physically reprimand their wives.
    
    Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn Abu Dhubab reported the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) as saying: Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. [Al-Sajistani, Abu Dawud, as-Sunan, Trans. Yasir Qadhi. (Riyadh: Maktaba Dar-us-Salam, 2008) Hadith 2146; classified as sahih by Al-Albani]
    
    The Prophet was educating his companions to be the best to their wives even if they were sometimes disobedient. However, he did not forbid them to reprimand them physically. As he was the best amongst them and the best to his wives, he did not hit them when they complained and were out of line.
    
    Reply
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Abu ali

July 18, 2015 at 12:38 AM

Hmmm. Seriously reading about domestic abuse — physical and emotional on Islamic websites one would come to the conclusion that good Muslim women never abuse their husbands, that it’s ALWAYS the husband doing it.

No.

I wish the likes of Shk Mohammed Sharif et al would start taking the issue of abuse against husbands seriously rather than treating it as a joke a chuckling about wives verbally and emotionally abusing their husbands and almost excusing this unacceptable behaviour with references to bent ribs etc.

Until we can accept that this is a problem the lives of thousands of Muslim men will continue to be ruined by something for which there appears to be no recourse!

Reply