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Was Aaisya (AS) Tolerating Domestic Abuse?| Living Islam for Today’s Women

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This video is addressed to women in a domestic abuse situation, especially those who are advised to stay in situation misusing the concept of tawakkul and dua. Men, who are also facing abusive situations, may also benefit.

Domestic Violence: Was Aasiyah (‘alayha salam) tolerating martial abuse? Part of a video series on issues related to females and teens, presented by Umm Reem, exclusively for MuslimMatters.org.

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The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Saba Syed (aka Umm Reem) is the author of International award winning novel, "An Acquaintance." Saba has a BA degree in Islamic Studies. She studied Arabic Language & Literature at Qatar University and at Cairo Institute in Egypt. She also received her Ijaazah in Quranic Hafs recitation in Egypt from Shaikh Muhammad al-Hamazawi. She had been actively involved with Islamic community since 1995 through her MSA, and then as a founding member of TDC, and other community organizations. in 2002, she organized and hosted the very first "Musim Women's Conference" in Houston, TX. Since then, she's been passionately working towards empowering Muslim women through the correct and untainted teachings of Islam. She is a pastoral counselor for marriage & family, women and youth issues. She has hosted several Islamic lectures and weekly halaqas in different communities all over U.S and overseas, also hosted special workshops regarding parenting, Islamic sex-ed, female sexuality, and marital intimacy.

12 Comments

12 Comments

  1. Rahat

    October 30, 2014 at 12:45 PM

    Totally unrelated to this article, but you guys need to have a ‘Latest post’ section on muslimmatters. It’s difficult finding your newest articles.

    You should also think about adding a subscription form and send out monthly newsletters with the latest articles.

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  3. Hibaysh

    November 2, 2014 at 12:26 PM

    In secular contexts, I have read that it is not feasible to wait for the husband to change, which is the point sister Umm Reem has highlighted. However, in an Islamic context, would it be wise to ask them to leave the husband at one go? Shouldn’t one be careful when giving such advice also, since one of shaitan’s main aim is to separate husband and wife? However, I agree with this point- that Allah wouldn’t have allowed divorce if He (swt) just wanted a person in a problematic marriage to not use the means He (swt) has provided to resolve the problem. I would also like to point out that sometimes naive brothers and sisters coming across these points might be tempted to classify normal arguments and fights between husband and wife as abuse. I think a proper definition of oppression and abuse from an Islamic perspective should also be made clear along with such a message. I particularly liked how sister Umm Reem differentiated between Marital abuse and religious persecution-but then the question remains; What is marital abuse? That; and what it is not should be clearly defined.

    Sometimes abuse is a part of the culture- and the women are taught to be okay with it from a young age. And men are taught to use it to boost their ego or whatever they use it for. I know of a sister who underwent physical, mental and emotional abuse when she was pregnant. The guy is a horror. And I just want to scream to her to leave him. I wish I can do it without a moment of doubt and 100% conviction! But I hesitate because.. one needs a lot of understanding and wisdom when handling such situations, I guess. Can I ask her to leave him with the conviction that it is for the best? I don’t know..because the alternative is a single mother without financial support. The society here frowns upon that. And that adds to her mental woes. May Allah grant her relief.

    • ummrayhan

      November 8, 2014 at 7:30 PM

      asalam alaikum, my take on interfering into other family matters as you describe above is that I would not do it unless I’m capable of picking up the pieces, sheltering the lady in your own house for instance or helping with going to abuse service etc, financial and moral support, if you know what I mean…. as you said, if the society where she lives is like that, then she needs a bit more hands on help than a mere advise by a well meaning friend

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  5. Aasia

    November 11, 2014 at 12:46 AM

    I am so glad that Umm Reem has started this series and so glad to hear her speak. Marriage issues are mostly complicated but someone needs to address them. Also, I do agree that abuse needs to be defined. However, I disagree that Umm Reem is advocating divorce in abusive relationship. She is basically emphasizing to stand up for yourself and stop the abuse. Of course, divorce is one option but the other option is to stand up for your rights. To know that Islam came to empower women, to honor them and to cherish them. Abusing them is going against the teachings of Islam. Look how Prophet Mohammad peace be upon him was towards the women- his wives, his daughters etc Umm Aymen was one of the women that suckled him and he honored her by saying that she is her mother. Bullying a wife and getting angry should not be tolerated. Unfortunately, girls are not raised or taught to have confidence in the power and rights that Islam gave them and Allah sent His beloved messenger peace be upon him to show the world how a women is to be honored and cherished.

    It is really important to be honest and sincere in a marriage and to tell the husband specifically what he is doing wrong and to implore to him to fear Allah and His messenger peace be upon him

    Sisters please know more about Islam study see rah so that truly you can say from your heart that Allah is my Rab Mohammad my messenger and Islam my deen. Did you know Allah commanded men to be kind to women in His Book? Do you know how much Allah loves you? He created you with so much love that if you only realized it you will become so tearful. If Allah didn’t want the welfare of women He wouldn’t have sent Islam in the first place. You know how women were treated before Islam? So be strong sisters for Allah is with you and stand up for your rights!

  6. Babar

    December 24, 2014 at 12:15 AM

    There is more domestic violence against men, but men do not talk about it because it is considered unmanly and embarrassing to do so. Women, on the other hand, not only report it but also fabricate cases of domestic violence.

  7. Babar

    December 24, 2014 at 12:31 AM

    In the U.S. alone, a man is a victim of domestic violence every 38 seconds, and that is when it is highly, highly underreported.

    http://youtu.be/WC37RS6lLjE

  8. June

    October 5, 2016 at 6:01 AM

    Thank you very much for this explanation! I really pray for sisters to know their actual value in Islam and know that Aasiya a.s. is a shining example of being a brave Muslimah and not an abused married woman!

  9. quicksilver

    August 4, 2017 at 1:30 PM

    I am glad that you’ve taken up this issue. Could you please discuss this in the light of the ayah in surah Nisa which talks about men being allowed to hit men if their behaviour is ‘egregious’. Also people often site the example of Zubair ibn Awwam’s ( R.A.) relationship with Asma (R.A.), that he would beat her up and it was difficult for her. Could you please throw some light on this. JazakiAllah khayr

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