The following article is an edited transcription of a response that Sh. Yasir Qadhi gave to a question posed to him.
Q: Shaykh, I have unnatural urges and feel attracted to members of the same gender. I don’t know what to do about this, can you please give me some advice.
A:
Bismillah, alhamdulillah, wa-l-salaat wa-l-salaam ala Rasulillah
I was actually asked the same question in Toronto, a few weeks ago. And while this is a very disturbing question to some people, it is something that needs to be mentioned and discussed publicly.
It is possible that some people have urges that are considered abnormal by others. Sometimes, from a religious perspective these urges would indeed be classified as abnormal. But simply having such urges does not justify acting upon them.
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The issue of sexual orientation has raised a huge controversy in Western circles. People are still debating whether sexual orientation is decreed by what they call ‘Nature’, or by ‘nurture’. And the reason for this debate is that there is a tendency to justify homosexual urges because, it is claimed, they are beyond one’s control. So, some people say: “My sexual orientation is something Nature has decreed. It’s in my DNA – my genes! So its not in my control whether I am attracted to the opposite gender or the same gender.”
Such discussion is happening in the backdrop of what has been termed the ‘sexual revolution’, which began in full force in the 60’s and, some would argue, is still continuing to this day. People are more open about topics of sexuality, morality levels have radically changed, and it has become acceptable to espouse what has been termed ‘alternative life styles’. To give you just one example of how dramatic this revolution has been, many would be surprised to discover that even as recently as 50 years ago, Western culture viewed homosexuality with a very different lens. Up until 1973, homosexuality was actually classified as a mental disease in America.
In our religion, the discussion of whether these urges are because of ‘Nature’ or ‘nurture’ is really quite irrelevant. And by this I do not mean that we don’t have an answer to this question. As Muslims, we believe that the fitrah that Allah created us upon is that, in terms of sexuality at least, opposites attract. But it is possible that some people have corrupted this fitrah themselves, or it has been corrupted by external methods. And it cannot even be ruled out that for some, the change in this fitrah is beyond their control.
But the point is – and that is why I say the question is irrelevant to the Shar’i ruling – even if somebody has such urges, it does not justify them acting upon it. Rather, what we can say to those who feel attracted to the same gender is that having such urges and conquering them is a part of the test Allah has given them. Each one of us is tried in different ways, and merely wanting to do an act is not justification enough to carry it out. Imagine if we were to open this door, and legitimize acting upon an urge merely because it existed!
And I firmly believe – and this is my theory, and it may be wrong – that the primary reason why we are seeing a rise in such unnatural inclinations is because of the proliferation of sexual images and the increasement of public sexuality around us. What this proliferation has done is to desensitize us to that which we should not be desensitized to. We are constantly bombarded with images of the most beautiful women and the most handsome men, and such images are a temptation to those of the opposite gender. Wherever we look, whether its TV, advertisements, magazines, the internet, or even simply strolling down a public road, we constantly see the most sexually charged images possible. Sexuality is always flaunted in our faces. And the proliferation of such overt sexuality desensitizes our normal sexuality. It is amazing that looking at a scantily clad gorgeous model in an advert hardly elicits any sexual arousal amongst people of our generation, whereas just a few decades ago that very image might have been banned in some Western countries, or at least never displayed in public.
Can you imagine (I know it’s difficult to do so, but let us try!) growing up in a world where you have never seen an unrelated woman? Where you have never witnessed nudity? Where you have never gone through love affair after love affair? For the one who is raised in such a world, a person of ‘average’ beauty would be attractive to someone of the opposite gender.
This unnatural emphasis that our modern world has on external beauty is simply dangerous. Typically, when a person is looking for a spouse, such a person should feel an attraction to somebody of a similar background and culture and age. Such is the way that Allah created us – a man is attracted to the natural beauty of a woman. And that is why in the past, for thousands of years, our own fathers, and forefathers before them, did not emphasize external beauty to even a fraction of what we do, and yet it can be argued, merely by looking at their divorce rates, that their marriages were far more successful than ours. The whole emphasis on external beauty was simply unnatural to them. All of you know how your own parents and grandparents got married, and their grandparents before them. The groom comes, sees the bride, and, generally speaking, there is an attraction and the marriage takes place. Nowadays, on the other hand, the very notion of a pre-arranged marriage is a mockery that we would not subjugate ourselves to (and I am not suggesting here that we should – I’m merely pointing out how things have changed in just one generation). This emphasis that we have on ‘beauty’ and ‘compatibility’ is a very modern phenomenon. Of course I’m not suggesting that people in the past did not care about beauty, but what I am saying is that it was not anywhere near as emphasized as it is now. Also, since the generations before us were raised in environments where they were not subjected to the sight of sexual images everywhere, they would not compare their prospective spouses to the sensual images of world-famous models that have been seared into our heads as a result of our upbringing here. When we expect our spouses to look like the most beautiful/handsome people on Earth (and it must be pointed out that most pictures we see are not even real, having been digitally altered to look super-humanly sexy), this will only lead to trouble.
And so, when we have been bombarded with sexual images all the time, that which is naturally lustful loses its erotic nature. This then leads to being attracted to unnatural attractions. The bar for ‘sexual titillation’ rises higher and higher. It also explains certain sexual habits that are becoming more predominant between couples. While these habits might be halal and mubah in and of themselves, it does make us pause when we realize that people before us would disdain such practices and even consider some of them to be perverse. Once again, I reiterate that these practices might be halal, but the whole emphasis on sexual toys, sexual games, certain fetishes, and role playing, even between couples, is indicative of this sexually charged world we live in. While these matters are halal, it does show that we are not satisfied with what is natural. Our desires become increasingly insatiable.
And so this is why we are seeing an increase in many unnatural and perverse desires. Homosexuality is on the rise amongst non-Muslims, and now also amongst Muslims. A few weeks ago I was in Toronto, and the exact same question came up, where a brother wrote the exact same thing. And he said: “Shaykh, I can’t help it. What advice do you give me? I can’t help feeling attracted to other men. This is the way I am. And I’m battling it, and I’m embarrassed of it,” and he even said: “I don’t even want to get married. The thought of getting married disgusts me”.
So, the question arises: what does a person who has such feelings do? As I’ve said, the fact that you have such feelings doesn’t mean you act upon them. If Allah has tested you in this manner, then that is a part of your test and trial, and Allah says in the Qur’an, ‘And Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.’ The claim that merely having an urge legitimizes it is extremely flimsy.
I say that I’m attracted to women. Does that legitimize going after every woman I’m attracted to? Of course not. We all have our desires and urges and we must all battle them. So if you experience urges that are unnatural, you must battle them, and without doubt Allah will reward you for that.
Another point to realize is that the urge, in and of itself, is not sinful. It is simply a desire, and desires are beyond our control, hence we are not accountable for them. But to allow such feelings to persist without trying to control them is problematic. In any case, the urge in and of itself is not sinful, acting on the urge is what incurs sin. As long as the desire remains in the realm of feeling, you are not accountable on the Day of Judgment, but the second that this desire is manifested in a physical action, you are liable for all that follows.
Lastly, even if you have acted upon this urge – and we seek Allah’s refuge from this – know that this would constitute a sin. Yes, a major sin, and one that most people would be disgusted by, but realize that it is a sin alone and not kufr. Hence, even acting upon it and committing a major sin does not expel you from the fold of Islam. However, to stand up and justify it, or defend it, or write articles claiming that it is Islamic, without a doubt constitutes kufr, and not merely sin.
So, my dear brother who wrote this question – and you are my brother in Islam, even if you have such feelings – I want you to know that I sympathize with you, and I also appreciate your honesty and sincerity. I advise you to seek counseling, and to go to people who will understand your situation and who can direct you in a more specific manner. I understand as well that if you go to many of the typical imams of the masjids, they would not sympathize with your situation at all and would probably make matters worse for you. I understand that you cannot go to such people. But you will find sympathetic ears to listen to your problem, insha’Allah.
And remember that marriage is a solution, so you should seriously consider it. The Prophet Lut ‘alayhis salam told his people, “These are my daughters, they are more pure for you.” Some scholars say that when he said “daughters”, he is also implying the women of the town and not just his own daughters. So he’s telling the men of his community who were guilty of this crime to go and marry women, for they are better and purer for them. Marriage is a solution, because sensuality and sexuality is something that can be satisfied – rather it should be satisfied – by the opposite gender within the confines of marriage.
Try to repel these urges, do not act upon them, take immediate steps to get married, and throughout all of this, put your trust in Allah and continue making du’a to Him, and I pray that Allah makes your situation easy for you and blesses you in this life and the next.
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ALGEBRA
April 13, 2009 at 12:42 AM
Aslamu-alaikum:
interesting article
“Rather, what we can say to those who feel attracted to the same gender is that having such urges and conquering them is a part of the test Allah has given them. Each one of us is tried in different ways”
I disagree with this statement……….. I really don’t think Allah would test a person like that………… I just don’t think so
However, i do agree with this statement in the article “What this proliferation has done is to desensitize us to that which we should not be desensitized to” A good book to read is Maulauna Maududi’s book “PURDAH” it is very very interesting which discusses the same concept of desensitizing of the WESTERN WORLD. My uncle gave us that to read when we were young or had to start covering and it was a really good read…………one can order it from PAKISTAN…………..
my thoughts on this subjec
second i think it is the birth control hormones that are in the water supply…….. we think about recycling…………..guess what these hormones are being cycled in our water supply………….. seriously they don’t get cleared up in the water…………………they remain in our water supply and not to mention the hormones they feed the animals to grow bigger…………… just not good for our daughters and sons…………………seriously go organic………….. try your best to buy organic produce and milk and eggs espeically…………………….
Lastly, i am just saddened by this fact that is becoming very common among the males…………… i am glad you brought this topic up because it is very relevant to today’s times and is in fact prevalent in the eastern world but under cover……………….
I am also saddened, more for women, because its hard enough to find good muslim men for women and now we are having to face another problem
……………Homosexuality of the males…………
salam
M
May 11, 2010 at 2:04 AM
I don’t mean to offend people, but I do want to raise some awareness. I also have homosexual urges, and where I lived, I could share these urges with other boys and men as well. I could just talk in private with any man I was interested in, and I would just touch them subtly at first, but eventually we would have homosexual relations. Muslim men are so repressed, I really think we are very vulnerable to persuasion, though none will ever admit to it, and many might not even know they are so vulnerable until approached in such a fashion.
I think the same sort of “situational sexuality” happens in prison and other places where relations with women are restricted.
Z
January 25, 2016 at 2:01 AM
Being gay Is completely normal. Think about Islam in your life, really think about it. Is it helping or hurting?
Ibrahim Zuma
October 26, 2016 at 1:47 AM
You are a sick pig Mr. M……………even animals cannot have sex with animals of the same gender.I hate homosexuals/gays/lesbians, they are purely the agents of the devil.
Nearzzz1
March 10, 2012 at 6:21 AM
you sound like such a ignorant self obsessed person, are you in love with yourself? do you live in a box?, please don’t try to sound like your a perfect individual who is so pure that he’s shit don’t stink!
Farhan
March 8, 2016 at 8:52 AM
A beautiful article indeed, and I agree with just about everything said in it. I also agree with the notion that these urges can indeed be considered a test from Allah, despite how unimaginable it may be, given the trouble and pain many go through in facing this issue. I think considering it as a test can only help us maintain greater sensitivity to the issue and I feel I must ask in turn, who are we to say what is a test from Allah or what isn’t? With that thought/question in mind I like to think that everything is a test from Allah. From the smallest of issues, such as eating healthy, to the largest of issues such as all the mortal atrocities we see happening around us in this world. How we handle and allow ourselves to act in the face of all these issues (smallest to the largest you can possibly imagine), can all be considered a test and is the sensitivity we should try to maintain with ourselves, for our own good.
andrew
April 28, 2016 at 7:40 PM
hello, a guy in the ground level of my residence has nothing to eat. all he can do is waitting for people to give him some money. he lives day by day. I bet he too says “I don’t think god would test me this way”. Guys, being hungry is much more difficult than resisting sexual impulse.
ALGEBRA
April 13, 2009 at 12:51 AM
Aslamu-alaikum:
I forgot to bring up another point……………….Speaking of homosexuality being a big sin in this country from 1972.
I think it was hypocritical of the evangelist of this country to condemn homosexuality so harshly when the punishment according to ISLAM and CHRISTIANITY for committing sodomy is the same as committing adultery…………………. stoning to death…..
I mean when these people started voting to abolish homosexuality maybe they should think about abolishing adultery……………. the hadd is the same anyway ……………something that I was thinking about saying when these hypocritical christian evangelist talk there rhetoric
salalm
M
April 3, 2015 at 8:53 AM
İmam-ı Azam Ebu Hanife rahimehullah el-Fıkhu’l Ebsat’ta Allah-u Teala nerededir? sorusuna”Yaratılmadan önce mekan yoktu,halbuki Allah vardı. Mahlukattan hiçbiri yokken , ”nerede” mefhumu mevcut değilken Allah vardı. O her şeyin yaratıcısıdır ” cevabının verilmesini ister. (İmam-ı Azamın 5 eseri,Fıkhu’l Ebsat terc.Mustafa Öz Marmara Üniversitesi İlahiyyat Fakültesi Vakfı yayınları-İmam-ı Azam Ebu Hanife ve Eserleri Fıkh-ı Ebsat sh.102
Aly Balagamwala
April 6, 2015 at 10:34 AM
It would be good if you could comment in English.
Best Regards
Aly
M
April 3, 2015 at 9:16 AM
Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah
It’s not viewed as a hadd but tazir. I believe Abu Hanifah might have gotten it right when he said there was no hadd for homosexual relations or bestiality.
4:15-16 might refer to homosexual relations. In this case punishment prescribed here might be hadd.
Allah knows best.
Naeem
April 13, 2009 at 1:53 AM
AA-
If part of the analysis is that the environment is a source of the problem (with the barrage of sensual images and commercialization of sex), should not part of the solution consist of removing one self from said environment (when and if possible)?
africana
May 28, 2010 at 7:15 PM
EXCELLENT POINT, MASHALLAH!!!
Kay Slimani
April 13, 2012 at 6:20 AM
Salam, Yep..You are right… I m encountering this thing, I am girl who from childhood likes girl…….and now I am forcing myself to like guys instead…because I am very aware that I will not bear children if I am with a woman. Very Basic logic and thus very Alarming.
Well, It does happen… sadly… I cannot refrain from looking at women but I consciously divert my thinking. Its a MENTAL BATTLE.
KRB
April 16, 2016 at 2:09 AM
Hey. I’m not Muslim, I came on this page by accident. I want to say I totally respect your right to practise and believe whatever you wish in your religion.
BUT I’m a gay woman. I didn’t come out until I was 23. The stress and shame of keeping this secret made me depressed and suicidal.
Now I am married and very very happy. If I could have chosen to be straight, I would have. People don’t seem to understand that gay people don’t want to be gay. Life is more difficult and it’s hard not being the norm. But it is still better to live as the person you really are than lie to yourself. It is dangerous to tell people they should not allow themselves to be the people they really are. This is why the suicide rate amongst LGBT community is so high.
I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I don’t mean too. But I do want everyone to be safe and mentally healthy.
Thanks.
calihijabi
April 13, 2009 at 3:52 AM
assalamu alaikum,
These things shouldn’t always be addressed toward brothers; why is the sexuality of a Muslimah always ignored? Unfortunately, this is something that plagues Muslim women as much as Muslim men. Sisters also need naseehah insha’Allah; esp. since circles of women tend to have less physical separation and different social norms than groups of men, which can be more dangerous. wa Allahu alam.
Hafiz_Shak
April 13, 2009 at 5:25 AM
In response to CaliHijabi, you have raised an excellent point. I think you have just picked a small tooth fron an entire cog. I think we need more female scholars the equivalant to shaikh yasir qadhi not the likes of amina wadud. the latter of which would distort the truth to such an extent tht she claims it to be legal in Islam.
N
April 13, 2009 at 5:50 AM
The fact that homosexual acts among Saudi young guys (and other segregated cultures like boys-only dorms) is so high suggests that the scholar is completely wrong in thinking that seeing images of women somehow makes you gay.
Also, as his final recommendation of suggesting a gay guy to marry a girl is horrible – it destroys 2 lives. The plight of ex-gays and straight-camps has been documented pretty well.
Plus, its not that there is this sudden increase in homosexuality which he attributes to the recent sexual revolution. All htat has happened recently is that for the first time in history, gay people have had the freedom to be open about their feelings. We’ve had homosexual urges among a minority population documented since the Greek times of Alexander the great who had a boyfriend, (and ofcourse even before that).
aj
October 12, 2010 at 9:07 PM
in my community people have been discussin this. and from what I know there have been gays since loong loong ago, its ancient history and its in every part of the world.
I also think it might destroy a marriage to encourage a gay man to marry a woman because they will both end up unhappy . I think we have seen situations in which woman complain about this
Hassan
April 13, 2009 at 6:28 AM
This should be worth being researched and responding. Perhaps strict separation also causes gayness?
Also classical islamic scholars have written/talked about this subject, hence its not something new, so there may be other causes.
So is gayness curable? If not then, those people should just fight urges, no point of marrying.
ALGEBRA
April 13, 2009 at 6:52 AM
calihijabi
I don’t know of in history in Islam and other religions where there was punishment sent on women for being homosexual. I think the reason they go into homosexuality is another reason altogether……………… anyway men being homosexual causes more harm in society in general……… i mean diseases, no marraiges for other women, its just more harmful in every way…………………I just don’t understand how that hadd could be put on a woman……………..i mean how can she commit sodomy…………. i don’t get what you are saying in terms of sin………….
Hassan:
I think it is becoming more prevalent and OPEN NOW. the fact that it was hush hush kept people that even had the urges so to speak from ACTING ON IT. The fact that it was considered taboo was a hindrance to lead to that direction. NOW THAT IT IS CONSIDERED somewhat of an HONOR so to speak in COMING OUT……………. has given it some kind of legitamacy, whereas, previously it was considered abnormal.
COMING OUT IS CONSIDERED now to be courageous act instead of something infamous.
I think keeping it low was a deterrence in acting upon those urges………..
Kay Slimani
April 13, 2012 at 6:23 AM
Sodomy for men., sihaq is for women. it is simply a gentle intercourse…. Im just sad, because our world is falling apart :(
Ibn Mikdad
April 13, 2009 at 6:58 AM
“Perhaps strict separation also causes gayness?”
An explosion of perversion of sexual orientation in the West began to happen only when the barriers of separation began to crumble. I’m not saying it did not exist before, just saying that it became widespread when barriers between opposite sexes began to be removed. So strict separation does not, in my opinion, cause homosexuality as a sexual orientation; history of homosexuality in the West (not only modern West; just look at ancient Greeks) seems to prove just the opposite; however, not being able to satisfy your sexual desires with the member of the opposite sex may lead to acts of homosexual sex, and I think that prisons are a good example of that; lot of homosexual activity there, but very few people who consider themselves homosexuals.
fedayeen
March 20, 2015 at 7:18 PM
In the ancient past and up until the common era, there wasn’t what might be called “exclusive homosexuality,” as it has become acceptable these days, being practised; it’s not even present in the nature world only in those rare instances. It has existed in all cultures throughout the world but was never actually identified as the sexual orientation homosexuality. Among the Greeks, particularly the Spartans, there was homosexual sex and love but they also got married to women and had families akin to the fairly recent phenomenon of being on the “down low”, in which gay men only have sex with other but are married to women meanwhile denying their homosexuality. Sexual repression or suppression in any form is extremely unhealthy psychologically and can manifest itself into all sorts of deviant and aberrant behaviour.
ALGEBRA
April 13, 2009 at 7:02 AM
Aslamu-alaikum:
Ibn Mikdad
agree with you on your points!!!!!!!Yes in the GREEK era they used to have public baths for men………..like they do in dorm bathrooms today. just the same no different.
salam
Sarah
April 13, 2009 at 7:07 AM
Algebra, don’t be obtuse (excuse the pun). Female homosexual activity IS punishable in Islam, and is just as reprehensible and harmful as the male.
And regards homosexuality in strictly segregated societies such as Saudi, it is a very well known social phenomenon, as well as child molestation. The stories I’ve heard from people who lived there make my skin crawl. Bottom line: neither extreme is healthy.
m
April 13, 2009 at 7:08 AM
assalamualaikum,
we don’t have to put your opinion. always. sometime be a try to be a good listener and learn from perspectives, otherwise we can write own article which mm might entertain publishing.
great article shaykh yq. appreciate it. jazakumullah kheir.
Emkay
October 4, 2015 at 10:51 AM
The debate on this sensitive topic has amused me. As a Muslim I have clearly been shown to different and distinct paths to lead my life on. One which is right path following which shall inshaAllah make my creator happy vis-a-vis me and following the other one shall definitely invite His wrath. One is free to leave Islam if he or she wants to satiate his or her urges which are forbidden in Islam. Shaykh Yasir Qadhi has given an easy and workable way out. If one does not consider himself or herself fit for marriage to opposite sex he or she can live a life of celibacy extremely difficult proposition yet which may make Allah extremely benevolent towards that person for such a big sacrificesacrifice.
ALGEBRA
April 13, 2009 at 7:13 AM
Sarah
Aslamu-alaikum:
I didn’t say it was not punishable. I guess i wasnt’ making my self clear…………..
Its just that it is not common among muslim women…………… or i haven’t seen it common among muslim women…………Yes i have heard of it in all women dorms but that is because those women are not married. When they get married they leave the relationship so to speak. Its not like a live in females kind of thing.
Personally, i think women and men need to get married at an early age. Simple as that.. it is a detterence in every way. But in history, Muslim, Greek, etc the practice has been common among MEN.
salam
Mohammad
May 21, 2014 at 8:12 AM
In addition to that, in Islam, when we talk about men, mostly, women are included too. There are many prophetic sayings that talks about men which includes women at the same time.
W
April 13, 2009 at 7:26 AM
I agree with Ibn Mikdad! I would also like to point to the fact that Islam encourages early marriages. And it’s worthwhile to note that the concept of being ‘baligh’ (being considered an adult), in Islam, is very different than just turning 18. Early unions allow, not only for a socially acceptable outlet in terms of satisfying urges but also keep stray thoughts (which can then potentially turn into actions) at bay.
In regards to the issue at hand about homosexuality, I agree with Sh. Yasir Qadhi’s approach. Perhaps, we as a community should try to find solutions for our brothers and sisters who might be in need of counseling, and help them cope with these issues rather than alienating them. Remember, Islam is a religion of peace and mercy and stoning to death is something that even Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used as the VERY LAST resort. So let’s be a little bit more sensitive to those who are in need, and appreciate the fact that they are willing to seek help rather than following their urges. May Allah give them strength and reward them for their efforts.
Just reading this article, I really wish to be able to help those in our community who do need help. Perhaps the resident scholars at muslim matters would consider recommending what steps our community, as a whole, can take to help out our brothers and sisters. I look forward to reading, and perhaps getting involved to be, the part of the solution.
Zaynab
April 13, 2009 at 7:57 AM
JazakAllah khayr, Sh.Yasir, for addressing this issue so publicly. And especially for making the clear distinction that it is that action and not the urge that is a sin. We need to recognize and validate people’s efforts to obey Allah and not just write them off for having these urges.
As for homosexuality in strictly segregated societies, maybe it’s not the segregation but the vilification of the other sex that causes these problems? If you are taught that women (or men) are only a fitnah, and only associate them with evil, and if misogyny is the norm, wouldn’t it only follow that homosexuality would increase?
And Allah knows best
Muslim007
April 13, 2009 at 8:01 AM
Our director Imam Shamsi Ali at Masjid ALmamoor-Jamaica Muslim Center brought the issue this Saturday during the off topic tafseer discussion. He said Muslim scholars need to understand this issue and do more to tackle it front on. He also said that this homosexuality issue which has recently got the attention has long before discussed by Muslim scholars in that past. Then he referenced that in fiq’hi education there is chapter on Baabul Khunsa, which discusses gay matters and suggests solutions to it.
ex-wife
April 13, 2009 at 8:06 AM
I appreciate br Yasir Qadhi’s advice, but i am saddened by his suggestion that such men should get married. I was married to a man who had no inclination towards women. The marriage ended soon and left me feeling inadequate as a woman, with low self-esteem and zero confidence as a result. In short, it destroyed me. Alhumdulilah, that was Allah’s qadr for me and emerged stronger from it. But, if had known about this of him, i would never have married him.
One of the things that is binding on prospective husband/wife is to disclose or make known before agreeing to a marriage, any fault/condition that they may have, which could negatively affect the decision of the other party. If someone has gay tendencies or no inclination towards the opposite gender, shouldn’t this condition be made known to the other party? Isn’t it a deception to not disclose it? Is it fair to the unsuspecting girl?
I ask you bro Yasir, would you like this for your daughter? Would you offer your daughter in marriage to a man who has gay tendencies but ‘is trying to control it and not acting upon it’? (I don’t mean to be harsh or disrespectful when i asked this. Allah knows, it is a genuine question.)
Allah knows best.
Amine
November 20, 2010 at 12:32 AM
This is so true, my sister. It happened to me too.
I loved my husband and he loved me but he had no sexual desire for me or for any woman.
Our marriage ended with disappointment.
Hope
February 23, 2014 at 2:19 PM
wait a minute, why couldn’t you go on being married? lotsa marriages have no sex. eg. a man who has a disability, a woman who is sick, a man who has ED. their marriages survive without a sexual component. not sure why muslims have to make such a huge issue of it…
love, anyone?
Emkay
October 5, 2015 at 7:41 AM
I saw your posts only today and don’t know if my response is still relevant. To both the sisters it is unfair to blame
Shaykh for your failed marriages. He did not advised your ex-husbands to marry you. He spoke on the islamic perspective on homosexuality. Practicing homosexuality is Big NO NO in Islam and one who does invites wrath of the Almighty both here as well as hereinafter. As a way out of this condition Shaykh suggested that one of the ways out would be to contemplate marriage to opposite gender. It does not mean one should jump into marriage at once. He or she should seek psychiatric counselling and other medical intervention before even thinking about marriage. If even these measures don’t help such person should live a life of celibacy instead of ruining another person’s life.
Muslim007
April 13, 2009 at 8:08 AM
**And he also talked about similar issue that Sheikh Yasir Qadhi discussed. A guy called him and said he has no feeling towards his wife so Imam Shmasi Ali told him that feelings will create as time goes along and suggested him some solutions but then the guy said that he is actually a gay.
Zaynab
April 13, 2009 at 8:09 AM
Just let me clarify one thing from my earlier post:
Misogyny and this kind of vilification of the opposite sex doesn’t happen in all segregated societies. And I’m not discouraging gender segregation, I’m simply advocating balance. We need to see the mutual respect in segregation as well as the preservation of one’s deen.
Aspen
April 13, 2009 at 8:25 AM
It is absolutely wrong to say that the punishment for homosexuality in Christianity is stoning.
The punishment for homosexuality in the Torah is stoning, and the Torah is included in the Christian Bible–but it is superseded by the Gospel of Christ, which is why Christians also do not keep kosher or other aspects of Jewish law.
In fact, the New Testament, and Christianity in general, never prescribes any specific punishment for any sin. Sin is simply forgiven; there are no punishments. For some Christians, like Catholic and Orthodox Christians, there may be a “penance,” but that usually consists of a few minutes of praying, and it is chosen by the minister on a case-by-case basis; it is never prescribed.
The Truth
February 3, 2010 at 2:28 AM
the true God laws never change, if Torah and the Quran said stoning, the punishment for the sin of homosexuality should be stoning if found guilty of it. if Christianity in general, never prescribes any specific punishment for any sin it because the christian word of God has been corupted by man. to suit there needs.
Ahmed
October 29, 2010 at 10:39 AM
“if Torah and the Quran said stoning, the punishment for the sin of homosexuality should be stoning if found guilty of it.”
How do you know that this is what God has truly prescribed?
Books simply don’t fall from heaven. All books in existence are written by men, and are just as likely to be modified, edited, translated, interpreted differently as any other book.
Luky
April 23, 2011 at 11:29 PM
Yes books can be modified. But isn’t it amazing the Quran hasn’t changed in 1400 years. People may debate about the source, but everyone knows not a single letter has been changed.
If only all scriptures were in their original state…
abu alee
April 13, 2009 at 8:42 AM
@ Aspen, it is wrong for you to say the laws of the Torah are superseded by the Gospels. Jesus (pbuh) was sent by God to confirm the previous Judaic law. This is clearly evident in the following statements attributed to Jesus (pbuh) in the Gospel of Mathew:
“Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil…” [The Bible, Mathew 5:17]
abu abdAllah Tariq Ahmed
April 13, 2009 at 8:50 AM
Bismillah was salamu alaykum, Shaykh Yasir,
Verily I love you, shaykh, and I love you only for the sake of Allah, and only as my brother in Islam. :) A much-needed article, and another example of how flexible Islam is, the Deen that Allah gifted to mankind as a light to guide him from the darkness of his ignorance and to protect him from the confusion of evil influences.
To my brothers and sisters who are beset by any evil inclination:
How Merciful is Allah that not only does He hold blameless the person to whom comes a thought, an urge, or a waswasa, not only does He reserve punishment for actions that are sinful, but also He rewards the one who resists commiting evil actions. And more than that, too, He accepts sincere repentence, and rewards the one who repents! And more than that, too, He loves the one whose repentence, whose right conduct, whose self-reform is all for His sake alone.
Do not conform to the will of the people seeking izzat or security thereby. Do not conform to the inclinations of society — whatever those may be at any given time. Rather, submit to the Command of Allah because He is your Rabb.
It makes sense that marriage that conforms to the shariah is better for a person than remaining single, even if the married person must fight homosexual urges. Here are a few wisdoms that can be perceived therein:
(1) A married person fights all sexual temptations — because shaytan will attack him or her from every direction. So shaytan attacks one married person with the urge to zina with a person of the opposite gender. And shaytan attacks another with the urge to commit zina with a person of the same gender. Both actions are zina, and both actions are despicable to Allah. And the one who succeeds resists zina, period. The “orientation” of the attack from shaytan is irrelevant.
(2) A married person has a helper in what is good — the spouses are garments for each other. So wear the garment that pleases Allah. And remember that the best of qualities to seek in a spouse is faith-in/fear-of Allah. It may be that the person who fights one urge is an incredible help to the other spouse in fighting an altogether different urge, and vice versa. And in helping each other respect can grow. And Allah is the One upon Whom you both rely.
(3) Every good trait of khuluq may be natural/innate — or learned/practiced. In a hadith I was taught at Practimate.com by Shaykh Yaser Birjas, the Prophet sull Allaho alayhi wa sallam remarked on the delay of a visiting tribal leader. And the man explained himself by indicating that he had wanted to dress nicely and be clean when he came before the Prophet sull Allaho alayhi wa sallam. And that respectful behavior was loved by Allah and by His Messenger, and the Prophet sull Allaho alayhi wa sallam gave the man glad tidings for his behavior was innate to his character. And the man thanked Allah for Creating him thus. And the point for us is that even a person who did not care if his clothes or body were clean and well-groomed could see what kind of behavior is loved by Allah and emulate that to please Him. And with time the learned or practiced behavior can become second nature, bi ‘idhnillah.
Taahir
April 13, 2009 at 10:27 AM
With all due respect to Sh. Yasir Qadhi and those who have posted above, I (privately) speak as one who has such “urges”. I feel down to my very bones that I absolutely, positively am NOT sexually attracted to women in any way, but have such feelings toward men. Being attracted to men is for me as natural as being attracted to women is for you. Before everyone panics, I do not act on it. However I do feel that I have been like this since I was a little boy. I have fought these urges for years. I have cried. AND CRIED. AND CRIED. I have prayed countless rakaat in tahujjjud. I have fasted Mondays and Thursdays. I cried and made du’aa on Mt Arafat during the Hajj that He would heal me and make me attracted to women. I have done so many things to try to get closer to Allah so that he would relieve me of these urges. To no avail.
Let me say very clearly: I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE THESE URGES. I would love nothing more than to be a normal man who is sexually attracted to women. This has nothing to do with separation of the sexes. I was not sexually abused as a child. I have none of the stereotypical patterns that people attribute to us. This is not like a drinking problem or a gambling addition. An alcoholic can stay away from alcohol and be fine. A gambling addict can be removed from casinos and be fine. My urges follow me everywhere
All the other brothers can crack jokes about throwing homosexuals off roofs and that sort of thing and laugh about it. I can not. All the other brothers can spend hours talking about the features and qualities they want in a wife. I can not. I can not confide in anyone. During college, I particially confided in a Muslim brother I thought would understand and he dismissed me as a “faggot” and never spoke to me again. He hated me and would not come near me again. I made no sexual advance on him yet that is how he treated me. This is why confiding in someone is not an option for many of us. Brothers will turn into some kind of Nazi on you and resolve to ruin you. So we suffer in silence. We are then forced to talk to and meet others with the same struggles. Just to have someone to talk to. Not to have sex with! This is how groups like Al-Fatiha formed. I am not willing to go THAT far, but I have met with them and many of them are good Muslims. You would be shocked.
At this point I have determined to simply be celibate. I can not understand why Allah would put these urges in me while condemning me. These urges are not put into other normal people. It is as natural for them to be attracted to the opposite sex as breathing. I feel trapped. I can only imagine that being with a woman for me would be like giving an ob/gyn examination. If the questioner is like me, then I feel that it is incredibly irresponsible to advise him to get married. That is your job I suppose, but it would be unjust both to him and to his potential spouse. I don’t have the heart to get into a marriage with a woman for me to be unjust to her in not loving her properly. And she would not be able to fulfill my needs either. And if I am honest (as one person above seems to suggest) what woman in her right mind would want to marry a man that is not attracted to women? The best advise is to tell him to remain celibate and keep to himself while not acting on those “urges”. That is what I do. I see no other answer.
In the end, I am glad that you brought up this topic because we are out here. We pay and come to your classes. We are in the ranks with you in salaah. We break the fast with you. We make hajj with you. And there are more of us than one may think. I am not saying this to scare anyone, but to let people know that there are Allah fearing individuals sincerely struggling with this and have been for their entire lives. Trying to turn us into you will not work. And throwing around threats of takfeer and kufr will not make the problem go away either.
Amad
April 13, 2009 at 11:26 AM
salam Br. Taahir,
I admire you for your courage and honesty. You are more of a man than many of us. At least you recognize the issue, and are saving yourself from the fitnah that afflicts you. I cannot say that I can truly empathize with you, not having this problem, but I can certainly sympathize for you. Your comment gives us all a glimpse of the pain that you suffer. Truly, Allah has a fitnah written for all human beings, some come out with flying colors, others fail. While you have this fitnah, there are many Muslim men who have the fitnah of controlling their urge for women, even the married ones. And there are many from them who fail miserably. Furthermore, your sense of justice to not marry because you don’t want your wife to pay for your “issue” is also commendable. I don’t know what to say on it, except that what you said and what “ex-wife” mentioned, makes a lot of sense. As I said, you are more man for fighting your fitnah than many of us. And I have no qualm in saying that.
May Allah forgive your sins and strengthen your resolve against your urge towards sin, and may Allah turn this around for you, as Allah is indeed capable of anything.
The Truth
February 3, 2010 at 2:41 AM
very well spoken.
africana
May 30, 2010 at 8:04 PM
have you looked into gay ocd? in the psychological literature it’s called hocd and is recognised as a form of obsessive compulsive disorder charactersied by intrusive thoughts and worries about being gay.
some people even report feeling unwanted urges and unwanted groinal response which sufferers mistakingly take as confirmation that they really are gay….when in truth, it’s all in the mind.
Smira
October 2, 2010 at 3:03 PM
Salam Tahir,
It must take allot of courage and allot of heart to speak with such sincerity and honesty. I dont think I have come across a brother with honest humbleness compassion when addressing personal problems like that. What you wrote there really made me understand just what kind of issue we need to deal with and how much help we need to provide. As a muslimah, I am sorry that I wasnt that one person that could help you whether it is personally knowing you or even participating in such projects to target these specific issues withing our muslim community. Inshallah, I will make Dua for you to help you and I do this with the greatest hope that Allah will help you. As a side note; dont let others bring you down because of this problem….you must remind yourself that you are better off than some muslims or muslimahs who dont have this problem at all. May Allah grant you the highest paradise Inshallah.
Ma’a Salama
Smira–Canada
:)
February 2, 2011 at 12:26 AM
I know this is an extremely late comment.. and I haven’t exactly read all the comments on this page so this could have been said already but .. I was thinking.. You say you’ve decided to be celibate right?
Well, marriage isn’t all about sex. I’m sure you don’t want to live alone for the rest of your life. And I’m sure you dream about having a kid of your own one day. You need a companion. Someone you can share your day to day experiences with. AND someone who understands you. You’re not hopeless. You’re right.. I’m a straight female and I would never want to marry you.. but I also don’t share this problem alahmdulillah/masha Allah/tabarakallah. You should marry a lesbian girl who feels the same way you do. I’m sure they exist. You can probably find them the same way you found these gay brothers you talked too. Marriage is half the deen for you too you know.. and it’s better than being celibate.
And hey.. try invitro (if the natural way disgusts you).. and get a kid. Just as long as you don’t share these thoughts with your kid.. it’s all good. You can live a pretty normal life..
And hey.. most couples don’t even have sex that often after a few years of marriage.. and those are people who are attracted to the opposite sex. Just get married to a lesbian like you and skip a few years. Think of it as living with a best friend. And I wish ya all the best
Hope
February 23, 2014 at 2:25 PM
i would marry such a man – i’m straight and i would not mind to marry such a man. having said this, i also want to ask Taahir: when you say a woman could not fulfil your needs – why not? what about non-intercourse methods of sexual interaction? why would those not work, such as handjobs, etc…
why would that not fulfil you somewhat?
Tarek
July 23, 2012 at 12:42 PM
Taahir bhai this made me cry! i am in the same struggle as you and its not easy. i have not friends to speak with except one. i am so lonely but i keep fighting and i weaken too! its very easy for straight people to tell homesexuals to not act on urges, but they dont realize how tough it is….its like telling them to urge having sex with the opposite sex forever! its impossible! i am very proud of you for being celibite but i know its not easy! may allah make things easy for you and bless you and maybe one day even change you. i also commend you for staying on the path of Allah! you surely will have your reward in teh hereafter!
Azazel
September 6, 2012 at 5:11 PM
Wow! You have captured my thoughts and feelings in every possible manner. You have given me hope :)
I for one WAS sexually molested and on top of that raped by none other than my Tajweed teacher!!! (Quranic grammar). I was depressed to the point of suicide but Islam saved me. It made every day bearable little by little until I could finally hold my head up high and not look behind my back every minute later; checking to see whether someone suspects me of acting in a ‘queer’ manner.
My resolution in life is also celibacy. I don’t know how it’s going to be achieved but if there’s anything my experiences have taught me: it’s that live life on a day-to-day basis! I hope and pray that it turns out alright in the end.
As for the article, I like it, it’s so much better than most of the other articles about so called ‘curing homosexuality’. Although, the marriage part is something I don’t really get.
Patient
December 23, 2013 at 2:26 PM
You should know none the less that even straight people like many many many of them through out history and even today despite having immense sexual urges cannot get married. instead all of them choose celibacy. and the reason being as common as having deformities, down syndrome, autistic, special, conjoint, paralysed, UGLY, lame, acid victims, believing prisoners and much more. Its a test for them same its a test for you. no need to have a special treatment section and more it feels kind of a offence. If its really that hard then its the same hard for all.
Adi
January 15, 2014 at 8:14 PM
Assalamu alaikum brother Taahir!
Very well said!
I go through exactly what you go through…after fighting with it for so long. I just accept it and trained myself to remain celibate because I also find no other solution. I am out to a lot of people because I find no shame in facing this trial from God. However, I stay away from acting on it. As for marrying a woman, THAT is out of question. I have talked to so many women who have said that if they knew that the man is gay, they wouldn’t marry him. I also know of guys who married women without telling them and their lives are full of misery. Always trying to make sure no one finds out. I don’t want that life.
InshaAllah, people might laugh at our struggle, poke fun at us, and condemn us just because we have these feelings. Only Allah knows how great our sacrifice is and bi’idhnillah, our reward is with Him, not with people.
Mahmud
February 23, 2014 at 5:52 PM
No one should be declared kaffir for desiring or committing this sin, however, accepting it as not haram is kufr indeed.
Hyde
February 23, 2014 at 8:22 PM
Very touching, but just for second what if you were to replace homosexuality with any other abnormalities ??
Atif
April 13, 2009 at 11:03 AM
Assalamu’alaykum
How about this as a solution: A muslim who has these urges enters into a celibate marriage (nikah kitaba) for a period of a year, 2 years, etc. Then inshaAllah, it has hoped that feelings of love will develop between the spouses (even if there is no physical attraction from the man in the beginning). Then when there is love, I would think that sexual attraction would start to develop (I believe that it is much easier to be attracted to someone you love, then a stranger), then they can try to experiment with sexual intimacy (perhaps not intercourse right away, but other sexual acts).
I could understand how it would be problematic for a muslim with urges like these to go into a normal (non-celibate) marriage, because it seems like there would be issues starting from the wedding night itself.
Adi
January 15, 2014 at 8:19 PM
Would you allow your sister to be married to a man who is willing to enter into a celibate marriage?
MM Associates
April 13, 2009 at 12:01 PM
Ameen to the duaa.
Maybe some research should be done on what the scholars of past wrote on this topic and gave as solutions.
-Amatullah
a sister
April 13, 2009 at 1:13 PM
Ameen. Barak Allahu Feek for addressing the issue. A practicing brother once confided in me (probably because of the fear of confiding in other brothers like Br. Thair mentioned) having these urges. He actually described the exact moment he felt it.
This brother had recently become attached to the deen and was trying to balance his world and let go of his partying ways. He was madly in love with a sister he could not marry and to both their detriment they continued hanging out. He described feeling incredibly frustrated at notion of just-being-friends with her. To run away from the though of her and other issues he went with to a rave with his buddies one night. He told me, while he was dancing he was trying very hard to lower his gaze and be by himself, and then all of a sudden he felt turned on by his best friend who was dancing beside him. He said the urges lasted all night and he felt powerless.
He tried a combination of intensifying his ibadaah and smoking weed to help himself out. Allahualam what has become of that brother, but like br. Tahir mentioned these brothers are sitting next to you in salah and need our help. Perhaps some of them have no attraction towards women, regardless we need to find a uniquely islamic solution to ease their situation.
May Allah make it easy for all us to master our desires, ameen.
Aspen
April 13, 2009 at 1:48 PM
@ abu alee
“fulfill” is understood by Christians as making the laws fulfilled, and no longer binding. The torah is included in Christian Bible as theological useful, but not as legally binding. This is confirmed by the Christian reading of Acts 15. As a muslim, you may disagree with the Christian reading of Christian scriptures; but that is how Christians understand their scriptures and their religion. There are no prescribed punishments in Christianity; forgiveness is freely given. There are not even 1% of Christians who believe otherwise.
Asmaa
April 13, 2009 at 1:50 PM
@ex-wife and Taahir : Thank you so much for sharing the *realities* of these situations from a ‘been there’ POV for the readership. It’s one thing to say “It’s porn’s fault, go get married” and another to be the people in that situation. I really, really, really wish, from the bottom of my heart that Taahir finds peace and completion one day. It pains me to see the hurt that is so evident in your words here.
bro
April 13, 2009 at 2:00 PM
May Allah help those who have this problem. There must be a way to develop the natural desire for women, any research on this? Any successful cases?
I really sympathize for brother Taahir, and commend him for his strength in dealing with the issue. Reminiscent of an article on this site about a brother addicted to pornography, despite being married. He also made much Duaa, at Hajj, and has had the issue for a decade. Many others have different types of urges they struggle with. However, many with he help of Allah have succeeded in overcoming them.
And Taahir Akhi, don’t stop the duaa, ever, and never give up. There have been many who after much Duaa and internal struggle said “I never imagined that I could live without it, but now alhamdulillah, I can’t imagine why I liked it in the first place”
Make duaa as a man who fell overboard in the middle of the ocean during a violent storm, ya rab, ya rab.
BB
April 13, 2009 at 2:48 PM
asalamoaliakom dear brothers
i am having these same problem. ihave the attractions to the men. i can not help these thing. what should i do. every time i see my friend, yani i get very bad thoughts.
is horse play a bad things? please help dear brothers
yuor brother
hossam
-Edited.
Amber
April 13, 2009 at 3:04 PM
It’s interesting that separation of sexes is provided as an example, when there have been quite a few scandalous lesbian cases at the infamous Madrassa i live by in America. I met some of the girls who have committed such acts and they claim that the separation of sexes has distorted their sexual orientation, and they feel that love can only truly be found by another woman. Personally, I don’t really like how the school is set up on the woman’s side since all the windows are blocked and female students are prohibited from going outside, even prohibited from their own fenced-in playground.
If you read any book on homosexuality during or around the Ottoman Empire (Authors include Khaled El-Rouayheb, Walter Andrews, etc.) you will see that it is something that does in fact exist in Arabic-Islamic regions. Also, try googling homosexuality along with another Islamic country and be surprised with the results. I don’t think blaming the West on the proliferation of homosexuality is a good idea, when there have already been articles on this website about how pornography, another hated sexual crime in Islam, is widespread in Muslim countries.
Is it really that easy to suppress your desires? Especially since in the example men who have sexual desires for women will eventually have the chance to get married to up to four woman. While men who only have desires for other men have to live and socialize amongst the forbidden temptation. And marriage can lead to great embarrassment… there was a man who got married to a family friend of mine. On the wedding night the girl left her room to return to her own family, because the man did not have the ability to consummate the marriage due to his homosexuality that was completely unknown until that time. You can imagine that his entire life is one in which he must live in shame, because he tried his best to return to the right path, but was unable to do so and everyone in their community now knows his secret. Is it even fair on the woman or man who isn’t homosexual to marry a homosexual? …I remember there was this article in I think the Herald Tribune a few years ago about how some gay Muslim men were trying to reduce their haraam behavior by marrying lesbian Muslims or non-Muslims.
Otherwise I found Sheikh Qadhi to have had an interesting response, since you rarely hear an Islamic Scholar not immediately denounce homosexuality as a ‘nurtured’ mental disease.
AnonyMouse
April 13, 2009 at 3:53 PM
I seriously think that in dealing with homosexuality – cases, causes, and methods of dealing with it – we need to move beyond the ‘traditional’ and oft-quoted beliefs regarding them.
The Qur’an and Sunnah state only that acting upon homosexuality is forbidden; they do not say exactly what it’s causes are. As we have seen, many of the ‘old’ arguments against homosexuality’s causes and ‘solutions’ to it are easily contested and debatable.
Rather than stubbornly sticking to them, let’s just accept that it exists w/o necessarily pontificating upon possible reasons; and once we’ve done that, let’s move on and see how we can help our fellow Muslims who are fighting these urges, to strenghthen them in their personal Jihad.
Perhaps the greatest thing we need to realize is that fighting homosexual urges is very different from fighting ‘normal’ sexual urges. That is, someone who has a hard time lowering their gaze wrt the opposite sex can still work on keeping away from intermingingly and one day look forward to getting married and fulfilling those desires; but someone who doesn’t feel an attraction to the opposite gender faces several other challenges: in a typical Muslim environment they are surrounded by those to whom they feel an attraction, and they can’t ever fulfill those urges either.
So, since telling someone who is gay to get married to someone of the opposite gender is potentially devastating to both parties (the gay person and their spouse), what, if any, other alternatives are available?
These are extremely difficult questions which our scholars need to address and answer in a contemporary, practical manner; and we as laymen also need to be aware of the challenges facing these brothers and sisters. Furthermore, we need to develop a method of how to interact with such brothers and sisters WITHOUT rejecting them, ostracizing them, etc.
One website which I found very interesting, and seemed to cover the above issues in the manner which I described, is http://gaymuslims.wordpress.com/
aj
October 12, 2010 at 9:21 PM
good answer!
Yasir Qadhi
April 13, 2009 at 3:56 PM
Salam Alaikum
I appreciate the comments and feedback.
– I make no claims to authority regarding psychological issues: my observation on the possible explanation for the rise of homosexuality is merely an opinion, and could be totally wrong.
– The advice to get married is actually from Prophet Lut to his people (as mentioned in the Quran), hence I would assume there would be some Divine Wisdom behind it. However, there is no question (as Br. Taahir above bravely expressed) that it is better to remain celibate than to enter a marriage where you feel you will harm the wife psychologically.
– For sure, more research needs to be done. This is not my area of expertise and I only gave a few comments since I was asked the same question twice (and in fact I have also been asked private questions by sisters who expressed the same problem of being attracted to their gender).
This is an issue that needs to be discussed publicly and my main intention for this article was to jumpstart such a discussion.
Keep the comments coming, I think we’re all benefiting by reading them.
Yasir
Muslim007
April 13, 2009 at 4:32 PM
Gayness and Homosexuality
In Islam […] How do we look upon gays… what is the Islamic viewpoint? do we respect them for them being gay because they choose to be gay?
The people of Sodom and Gomorrah were not held in any respect by God but rather were destroyed, as all three Abrahamic faiths say.
Psychologists say that gays is a genes thing… that it is inherited or its something we were born as? what does Islam say about this? Why are people gay according to Islam?
…
Similarly, Islam does not recognize such relations as anything valid. Yet Islam grants every person under the sun dignity and liberty as long as they do not exercise them at the expense of the dignity and liberty of the society at large including unnatural acts whether between couples of the same sex or between unmarried men and women as in the case of fornication and adultery.
Hajj Gibril
-Edited. Pls provide the source/link for the information here and not cut/paste. Pls add a comment with the link and we’ll update this comment
R
January 29, 2010 at 4:54 AM
This is just incorrect. It has not been proven that homosexuality is genetic. Moreover, there is more evidence to suggest that it is through nurture not nature that homosexuality occurs. But none of this is conclusive.
AbdulRahman
April 13, 2009 at 4:32 PM
I’ve always thought the increase of homosexuality in today’s world was partly because of liberal propaganda saying it’s okay.
Let me explain: Muslim scholars since forever have talked about lowering the gaze from little boys who still have no beards. Why? Because they knew that Shaitan could make them seem attractive, so the “urges” were spoken of by our scholars of old.
Where does the liberal propaganda come in? Well, a young lad feels the urge to stare at a handsome friend of his, an image enters his mind of him taking it a step further, why would he fight these urges if it’s okay, if it’s normal, if there’s nothing wrong with having these tendencies. He will not fight it and he will come to the conclusion that he “is gay”, or bisexual at the least.
I think in our modern world with our understanding of Psychology (which in itself is commendable, I’m a fan of psychology myself!), we tend to forget about Shaitan and his whisperings.
Brother Taahir’s situation seems to be totally different though, I ask Allah to bless him and protect him and grant him the happiness he wishes for. What you are going through seems to be indeed difficult, I cannot understand your particular situation per se since I have not been through it, and I don’t believe in hypotheticals, but many of us go through our own trials and tribulations and through that we can relate. I ask Allah to end your trials. Ameen.
Dawud Israel
April 13, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Muslim007 is right. I remember SH. YQ suggesting how we shouldn’t attack homosexuals because the same rights that allow them to be as they are, is what allows Muslims to practice Islam.
But, if you actually did some hardcore research (at least here in my university) the homosexuals are given waaayyy more funding and they are favored much more by the non-Muslim community. At my university, these homosexuals moved in next door to our prayer area–they have books on sex-play, lubrication oil and condoms…
Sooner or later, we have to take a definite stand on this issue. Even the brothers I talked to who have these homosexual urges are harsher on it than Shaykh Yasir Qadhi. They know there is no compromise in the deen. Ever. Period.
The nafs is the nafs. We should not feel helpless when it comes to this topic and think that perhaps, the Shariah might be weak. It isn’t.
Muslim007
April 13, 2009 at 4:47 PM
the post of mine regarding “Gayness and Homosexuality” was taken from http://www.livingislam.org
-Editor: Can you pls give specific link.
Ibn Mikdad
April 13, 2009 at 5:11 PM
“It’s interesting that separation of sexes is provided as an example, when there have been quite a few scandalous lesbian cases at the infamous Madrassa i live by in America. I met some of the girls who have committed such acts and they claim that the separation of sexes has distorted their sexual orientation, and they feel that love can only truly be found by another woman.”
And how exactly would they know that it was only the separation of sexes that made them feel something towards the same sex? Sex separation does not mean sending women to a different planet never to see man again, so I wonder how exactly can it instigate such a drastic change?
If it has such a daunting effect on the sexual orientation, than there should be more homosexuality and lesbianism in Islamic societies (more sex separation) than in Western countries (almost no sex separation); but that’s not the case, right? Also, blaming the separation of sexes for the change of the sexual orientation actually can provide an argument against the (mostly liberal, and presumably your) view that same-sex attraction is “natural”, i.e. predisposed, and for the view that it is a “‘nurtured’ mental disease” as you called it.
Abu Nurah
April 13, 2009 at 5:11 PM
As-Salaamu Alaykum,
Thanks to the Sheikh for raising this importaint issue and to the brothers and sisters for their thoughtful comments. Allah knows best what the cause is, but without a doubt it is a trial for those afflicted by it, just as any number of illnesses both physical and psychological are trials for those who suffer through them. Such is the life of this temporary world; surely Allah is Most Just and may He grant a high place in Jenna to those who have these desires and do not act on them.
Siraaj
April 13, 2009 at 5:14 PM
Salaam alaykum Shaykh Yasir,
Just thinking about homosexuality as it appears in the US vs how it appears in, say, Saudi, or in the prison population – it seems there can be multiple factors which bring it about, and not one cause. In some cases, it’s abuse, in other cases, segregation from the opposite gender. I’ve seen some documentaries on jail as well where men choose homosexuality for their jail term, but once out return to heterosexual lifestyles. I also note that homosexuality, whether among humans or in nature, tends to be the minority sexual preference. And as brother Taahir demonstrates, in some cases, we don’t even know the cause, though he is born on the pure fitrah.
Given this, when looking at the people of Lut, particularly the men, it seems like ALL of them were in on it, not just pockets of people. This seems to imply that for one reason or another, even though people may have been attracted to women and could have had relationships with them, they chose men instead (for whatever perverted reason), and this was why they were all destroyed. Meaning, they could have chosen to be better, but it appears that they didn’t want to be “pure” as mentioned in the Qur’aan.
Is it conceivable then that the advice towards the homosexual should depend upon the cause of the homosexuality? Like, if one was doing so because they are bisexual and experimenting, or because their options were severely restricted, that they be advised to be patient and try to find a spouse and not return to the behavior, whereas those who only incline towards homosexuality with no preference for heterosexuality (similar to the person, in a sense, with low sex drive) be advised with something else, since they don’t seem to fit in the category of the people of Lut in terms of the cause of the behavior?
Siraaj
student
April 13, 2009 at 7:46 PM
Sh. Yasir and MuslimMatters, may Allah reward you for shedding light on this issue.
Br. Siraaj, I find your suggestion sensible: suggest marriage for those who are confident that they can love a spouse and have desire and sexual relations, but not for someone who will be repulsed by sex and won’t be able to satisfy the spouse’s physical and emotional needs.
Also, in addition to making dua, perhaps other ibaadaat can be encouraged, such as fasting, reading and memorizing Qur’an, tahajjud, etc. And staying away from things which one finds increases homosexual desires and arousal, such as TV or the Internet. Ultimately, such measures may not eliminate the desire completely, so from that perspective they might be seen as an incomplete solution.
Atif mentioned “celibate marriage (nikah kitaba).” What is the fiqh regarding this? Perhaps one could marry with someone of the opposite sex who is not interested in sexual relations. For example, a brother and sister who are both facing this test can marry each other. This sounds strange, but the point would be for all of the other benefits of marriage apart from sexual relations and children: to have someone to lean on, to confide in, to support each other, to grow together, and so on. This might be difficult without the love that is related to sexual desire, but maybe not. All of this might be better with living alone.
Finally, it is worth reminding a person facing this test not to blame themselves and to lose self-esteem, but rather to have hope in Allah’s mercy and to gain self-esteem by reminding themselves that they are being rewarded every day for struggling and winning their daily battle.
gay muslim
April 19, 2010 at 3:42 PM
Thank you very much for your comment. It will help me to keep living my life as Allah has gifted me. I know he knows the reason why he created me with this urges and then fobidden me to act on it.
I have been weak, and failed this test in many occations. I have acted this sin. I hope this site and guidens from you muslim brothers and sisters will help me to get on the right track.
innshallah
may allah bless you
AsimG
April 13, 2009 at 8:00 PM
Asalaamu Alaykum,
Ya Allah, there is so much to be said, I don’t even know if I can say it all.
First, such articles as these are awesome (May Allah reward Shaykh Yasir), but it is not enough.
Years ago I would have been ecstatic for someone like Shaykh Yasir to write such an article, but sadly now it is just a drop in the bucket.
The “other side”, which advocates/normalizes homosexuality, has become so sophisticated and influential yet we are still in the acknowledgement phase (and even that is taboo).
While they are taking over academia and writing best seller books, we are making “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” jokes, thinking this will somehow circumvent homosexuality.
But it is not about them. The pro-gay movement in itself is not significant, it is the fact that they are no shaykhs/imams with sophisticated understanding of this issue that are out there helping these Muslims. which leaves the gay movement to supply all the answers.
Those Muslims who are fortunate enough to get past the brainwashing gauntlet of the gay movement are still not out of the woods.
They can’t ask help from their family, friends or imams…so where do they go?
The Christians!
I’ve talked to brothers who have gone to Christian retreats to help them deal with homosexuality, but the emphasis on “loving Jesus” and that he “died for our sins” as the solution and source of strength against desires ends up confusing the Muslims even more and brings them closer to an even bigger sin…shirk!
(And some of their “therapies” are extremely weird such as ice baths….)
The Muslim blogs and groups that actually do exist are extremely flawed, inefficient and sometimes even unIslamic.
The one link given in these comments is to Uncle Bilal’s blog and he has ONE post, this speaks volumes to where we are at.
But this is not like the Palestinian issue or other major problems facing the ummah, there ARE solutions that every single one of us can do.
1. Have healthy family relationships.
A significant number (but not all) of homosexuals had difficulties in their childhood. From confused gender roles, absent father/mother, lack of communication to more serious issues such as domestic violence, child abuse and even molestation (especially with uncles/aunts).
2. Have open communication
The lonliness factor is HUGE.
All your friends/family should be able to trust and confide in you and ask for your help. IF a brother or sister tells you about their urges DO NOT JUDGE THEM OR TREAT THEM DIFFERENTLY! Do not think yourself a psychologist that can diagnose solutions to their urges…it won’t work.
Instead, be there for them and help them stay away from sins that come about from these urges.
3. Establish brotherhood/sisterhood
Expand your circle of friends and invite those quiet brothers and sisters in the corner. Go out to dinner, play some volleyball and have fun!
Do not underestimate this step. Good Muslim friends can go a long way
Again a lot more needs to be said, but I have no idea how to umm “textualize: all the thoughts/ideas in my head right now.
AsimG
April 13, 2009 at 8:07 PM
My take on celibacy:
This is not an either or situation. No person, not even a “bisexual”, should go into marriage without counseling (although where to find such counselors is another problem all together).
There is too much sexual fitnah today for us to think marriage will suffice to conquer these urges and I know too many people who have tried this route and failed.
At the same time, I do think marriage is the ultimate goal. We as humans have a need for intimate relationships and it is not easily ignored.
For a few, maybe marriage can never be the answer, but for many marriage is the goal…just not right away.
AnnaUkhteefiAllah
April 13, 2009 at 8:20 PM
mashallah, a great and much needed article.
I agree that there can be a multiplicity of factors contributing to homosexuality. Environment can play a big part. For example, in some women’s colleges, there is a certain culture of lesbianism and ‘experimenting’ because that is the only outlet for expressing their desires but once these women leave these colleges and go to the real world, they become heterosexual once again.
One solution is to make more halal outlets for these desires, i.e. make marriage early an option!
Just imagine if all parents raised their kids with this option of getting married after high school / during college years and raised them with that certain maturity level. Just imagine if kids had proper role models in parents in how beneficial marriage can be for individuals and society as a whole.
Just because there is a tendency towards homosexuality in gender segregated environments doesn’t mean we should condemn such environments. No, Allah has made it clear in the Qur’aan and sunnah of Nabi (salallahu ‘elayhi waSalam) that we should have a certain demeanor with the opposite gender, be modest, lower our gaze, etc.
HOWEVER, I think we need to be careful of not ‘isolating’ ourselves totally from the ‘other’ gender. When we make them into an ‘other’ and think it’s taboo to even mention your wife’s name in public, be involved with Islamic events, etc. and get TOO close to our own gender (i.e. sisters having dance parties and they wear provocative clothing / belly dance / listen to music (which is haram, for a reason) ) then these things are more possible.
and Allaah knows best
B
April 13, 2009 at 8:29 PM
“Sex toys” are mentioned in Majmoo’ al Fatawaa (Ibn Taymiyyah). I also came across an Arabic book (alrawd alaatir fee nazaahat alkhatir) dated back to the 900H written by someone who seems to be a Muslim mentioning these very acts and items that you speak of. Maybe Muslims (and the whole world) were affected by the sexual repression of the Victorian era, so much that now these same acts and items are considered “over the top”. I was shocked myself when I read the Majmoo alfatawaa and found that fatwa by Ibn Taymiyyah, never had I imagined that they had such items back then . . so yeah.
AsimG
April 13, 2009 at 8:37 PM
Question: Is isolation really a cause of homosexuality?
I think it is not.
Rather, it has to do with a miseducation/misunderstanding of sex and sources of fitnah such as tv, movies and the internet.
I know a lot of desi parents don’t like talking about the facts of life to their children (I learned from my non-Muslim neighbor), but this is not healthy.
When you introduce sex, you can set limitations and correct understandings from the start.
ALGEBRA
April 13, 2009 at 8:59 PM
@AnnaUkhteefiAllah
aslamu-alaikum:
I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID………….. SO RIGHT……………WITH EVERY ONE OF YOUR POINTS.
In addition, parents do need to talk to children about sex when they get balig. I thought that was understood when one gets balig, parents tell you about so many things like how to keep oneself clean, and cutting of hair, and taking ghusl, etc. that comes into islamic teaching given to both boys and girls when they reach of age of being balig(puberty). It is a part of life.
Parents themselves don’t teach there kids about the basics of Islam and than get dumbfounded when there child brings up sexuality later.
I mean In islam this topic should be discussed openly with a matter of fact attitude. That is the responsibility of parents and Islam teaches us that as well. If most parents knew Islam in the first place……….
I remember my grandmother, yes grandmother, taught us(the girls) about proper way of doing ghusl and everything in a matter of fact way when we reached puberty………… she didn’t make sex sound like some perverted thing. Actually it was a part of growing up and a part of Islamic way of life and she told us the limitations, need, and allowances according to Islam.
Actually Islam teaches us those things………… It has sollutions to everything, we just think that it can’t some of our questions but trust me it has answers to everything and we need to get back to its teachings and guidance.
In islam, dancing with loud music is forbidden anyway……… MUSIC Hardens the Heart…… and anything to do with music is haram and i know a lot of people are going to give me hadith about Hazrat Aisha (ra) watching the Abysinnians perform exercises but it was not like entertainment today………………. Nothing like today. There is a reason, which we may understand to stay away from music and other fahishat…………. these things can lead to things that are wrong and not according to our fitrah. We should’nt be dancing with women in ladies only gatherings becaause some gathering do have women dressed very provacatively and that is becoming habit in some muslim communities………….
salam
Abû Mûsâ Al-Ḥabashî
April 13, 2009 at 11:43 PM
Coincidentally, I attended a workshop yesterday given by a Muslim psychologist about child sex abuse and he said that it is a fact that it is very possible that a homosexual be rehabilitated to being heterosexual by getting married and engaging in relations with his wife. In fact, he said that the more the homosexual does this, the more he will be “reprogrammed”. He also mentioned many of the same points mentioned in the above blog entry.
Re: Saudi Arabian youth,
It’s a myth to believe that many of these youth have “never seen a non-relative woman in their life”. They see it through their satellite televisions and the internet and therefore have the sexual energy pent up in them. I think that, coupled with the difficulty in getting married, explains why homosexual activity exists there (although I would be very interested in seeing statistics behind the claims that it is very high there relative to the West).
Ibn Mikdad
April 14, 2009 at 1:34 AM
“For example, in some women’s colleges, there is a certain culture of lesbianism and ‘experimenting’ because that is the only outlet for expressing their desires but once these women leave these colleges and go to the real world, they become heterosexual once again.”
Which means that if the colleges were mixed, there would probably be unlawful heterosexual sex, and still no one could guarantee that they would not try “experimenting” with the same sex. And if they were (theoretically speaking) completely isolated, all alone, they would find another way of satisfying their desires (masturbation, obviously). The point is that the environment is of little importance here, it’s about someones attitude to sex and dealing with sexual urges. And that attitude, unfortunately, seems to be that these urges should not be controlled and must be satisfied by any means available.
Hassan
April 14, 2009 at 3:00 AM
Can magic or jinn possession cause homosexual tendencies in some cases? If yes, then such cases can be dealt accordingly.
Taleb Haq
April 14, 2009 at 5:18 AM
Salam,
It is great to see that mainstream Muslim speakers are speaking about this topic in a proper manner, alhamdulillah. On the above linked to blog we have dealt with this issue quite extensively. For the brothers and sisters who are dealing with this issue we also have a yahoo support group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
With regards to the issue of marriage, there are many on the group who have actually married and have families and so we need to be asking ourselves how exactly are we going to psychologically be hurting our partners. same-sex attractions are very much a developmental psychological issue and CAN be dealt with. There are some that go through professional therapy and others who, through the support of brothers and sisters, can get to a point where they are dealing with it well to the point that they can get married and have a family…this is not a far off possibility and is a reality for many alhamdulillah.
To Hassan: This is not a jinn possession or a magic issue, wallahu a’lam. This can lead to some very dangerous practices that have nothing to do with Islam that can lead families to destroy their children’s lives and sometimes leads them away from Islam.
Salam
Pingback: Sh. Yasir Qadhi on “Dealing with Homosexual Urges” « Eye on Gay Muslims
Sister Conviction2Change
April 14, 2009 at 8:47 AM
Salam dear brothers and sisters,
I will firstly introduce myself as a sister who has “homosexual urges”. I do not call myself a homosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or any of those terms. I call myself, and I am, a Muslimah battling same sex attractions (SSA). I do believe Allah has chosen me, hand-picked me, for such a test. (So contrary to what ALGEBRA said in the beginning of the comments, I do believe Allah tests us with this. I am not angry at Him for this. He has wisdom in all that He does. I am grateful for having SSA as it has made me a stronger Muslim.)
I am also on the very beneficial support group that brother Taleb Haq has posted up, Straight Struggle. I suggest all brothers and sisters who also wish to combat their desires for the sake of Allah and to live a better lifestyle to join the group.
I have not yet read through all of the comments, but I would like to comment on what Sh. Yasir wrote first:
Shaykh, may Allah reward you for the words you have written and the brothers and sisters you have helped by Allah’s will by writing this article. I am an avid listener of your lectures, goer to your events, and reader of Muslim Matters. To finally see an article like this “come out” :) is heart warming and comforting for someone who has struggled with this in silence and now a forum has opened up about this issue in public.
Shaykh, as I have done a lot of research on this topic from the perspective of wanting to rid myself of these desires (and I would like to add there is a lot of material out there, mainly written by non-Muslims, about how to overcome SSA) I would like to comment on and refine a point that you made in the article.
You said your theory is how sexual images are bombarding our minds in the society, day and age that we live in. You are correct, but there is also a greater reason. SSA is due to sexual reasons but more due to emotional reasons. Every person you will ever meet who is struggling with SSA (or even openly gay) has emotional issues he or she is embedded with. SSA is not a sexual problem at all really. It is emotional. This is a long topic though but just to brush the surface: You will notice people with SSA do not always have good relationships with their parents, they probably identified with the opposite gender at a young age, they might’ve been repelled by their same gender at a young age, they may have been sexually molested/abused at some point in their lives, they might have grown up in physically abusive homes, they probably have insecurities deeply routed in how unsafe they feel at home or around others of the opposite sex, and the list goes on. There is so much to be said on these topics and it is all out there for those who wish to find them.
Another point I would like to emphasize is that marriage is not the solution, but it is PART of the solution for sure. Marriage is very important and should be worked on attaining, whether or not one struggles with SSA, as it is a completion of half of our faith. It should not be put off, but it should also be realized that it should not be seen as the sole solution. There is a lot more emotionally that one needs to work on in combination with taking steps like getting married.
Also in response to calihijabi, dear sister I completely understand how you feel. The fact of the matter is that it is less common to hear of women struggling with this. My theories of why this is true are that (1) we do not “come out” and tell people we even have these problems with our sexuality and (2) in general, I think Muslim women have more readily turned towards accepting a lesbian identity and therefore do not even care to battle their urges. I am always looking around for other sisters who hold my perspective so that we may build a strong united front so that we may support other sisters. I have found a few, and of course we are scatted over the globe, but I am confident others will slowly join us and we can have more of a voice one day insha Allah.
On that note, if anyone has any questions or is seeking advice from a sister, you can always email me at conviction2change@gmail.com. I am open to getting messages from complete “strangers” and don’t mind it. To me, you’re not strangers, you’re my brothers and sisters in Islam.
As a side note, I created my email address a year ago when I joined the Straight Struggle support group. I advise everyone who is struggling with SSA to join it as well as it has helped me, by the will of Allah, come a long way. A little more than a year ago I was suicidal, getting addicted to porn, and even wanted to leave Islam. Today, I am happy I have this test, grateful Allah guided me away from the edge, and confident that I will succeed in my test.
Salam,
Your sister with a conviction to change
conviction2change@gmail.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
Tarek
July 23, 2012 at 1:02 PM
thank you sister for the great words, may allah bless you!! i really love the part where you said Allah handpicked you! gave me a feeling i am still worthy!
traditionalrebel
April 14, 2009 at 9:21 AM
Assalaamalaykumwarathmatullhabrakthuhu
While i admire the attempt to address this issue I have a few points of concern:
With all respect, I believe the author hypothesizing causations for homosexuality highly discredits him. There is no statical information or sound proof or correlation for these assumptions. It is simply a distraction. In addition, the author doesn’t seem to cite anything nor seem to have formal learning in such areas such as gender studies or social sciences, nor should he attempt to.
Another issue I have is that the author recommends getting married right away. *Women are not disposable*–they are human beings who deserved to be loved and in general have the inclination that when a marriage isn’t going right to blame themselves. If you are not attracted to your spouse whether male or female you could traumatize, and give them scars.
Also, homosexuality is a trial. The same way poverty, or the color of your skin can be a trial. Why was there no mention of fasting?
And for those interested in “healing” themselves, why was there no mention of different theories and counselings?
Why was there no mention of lesbianism, must females be disenfranchised even in Islamic online advice? [Females= 50% of the population!]
Also, in the mention of the title I was hoping that the author would talk about the adab dealing with homosexual peers in our diverse society.
May Allah swt forgive me if I seemed harsh or lacked adab while I listed these concerns [and yes, I have even more], but the internet also has it’s own commutative limitations.
And Allah (swt) Knows Best
Peace
Amad
April 14, 2009 at 1:14 PM
From a pure fiqhi point of view, isn’t lesbianism considered less sinful than male homosexuality, in terms of the sin and state punishment as well? Just a question.
Farhan
April 14, 2009 at 10:00 AM
may Allah help our brothers and sisters who are going through this
Turquoise
April 14, 2009 at 10:49 AM
I think this problem can be a possible byproduct of delaying marriage.
I had a Christian friend in college who got married when she was 22. Her husband had not completed his education, but together they could sustain a decent living. They had simple furniture and didn’t mind it at all. (She didn’t even have a diamond ring, but a simpler one of precious stones)
Looking at her situation I reflected on the hassles our culture places on marriages and the requirements we have that are in the long run frustrating our youth and causing such problems. So, have earlier marriages, less sexual frustration, because as they say prevention is still the best medicine…
aj
October 12, 2010 at 9:29 PM
I don’t know if earlier marriages is a solution because although they maybe physically ready many people that age are not mentally ready and are not ‘mature’ enough for marriage so I don’t know if encouraging early marriage is a good idea
john r
April 14, 2009 at 11:08 AM
homosexuals have never have been found wanting in any sector of society compared to heterosexuals. they are not less a brother, friend, doctor, counselor,scientist,pastor,soldier,attorney,etc.
homosexuals dont love less, are not less committed, not less devoted, not less caring than heterosexuals. all these are factors of healthy marriage.
your reasoning for denying marriage is without any evidence. and there is no such thing as seperate but equal.
because the mandate of the american’s laws for equal protection for all in the essence of the pursuit to life, liberty, and happiness, then gays must be allowed to marry.
Zaynab
April 14, 2009 at 12:07 PM
Please everyone check out
http://gaymuslims.wordpress.com/
These brothers and sisters are doing a wonderful job. The brother who runs the blog does an amazing job of deconstructing the issue of having same-sex attraction and remaining within the Laws of Allah (swt).
We should definitely keep all of our struggling brothers and sisters in our du’aa. May Allah make it easy for them and grant them Jannah, ameen.
-Editor’s note: The link has been provided already. In fact, one of the site’s admin has added a comment here. I would request that folks read the comments first inshallah.
AnonyMouse
April 14, 2009 at 1:23 PM
IslamQ&A on lesbianism
Since it doesn’t mention the hadd punishment usually associated w/ sodomy/ male homosexuality (throwing them off a wall/ cliff/ whatever), you may well be right. Although, that gives rise to other questions about why that’s so…
Li
April 14, 2009 at 1:28 PM
Jazzak Allahu Khairan for bringing this issue up. This is definitely not something to be swept under the carpet.
I really feel that more brothers and sisters should be made aware of this issue at hand.
More often than not, most of us are quick to jump to conclusions without realizing that Islam is the perfect religion and no one is easily condemned to hell just like that.
Thank you for pointing out to us that:
1. If Allah has tested you in this manner, then that is a part of your test and trial,
2. ‘And Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.’
3. … know that this would constitute a sin. Yes, a major sin, and one that most people would be disgusted by, but realize that it is a sin alone and not kufr. Hence, even acting upon it and committing a major sin does not expel you from the fold of Islam.
4. put your trust in Allah and continue making du’a to Him,
Of course as Sh. Yasir mentioned, this does not mean that we should condone, encourage or justify this. But rather, realize that as there are many issues that may attack an individual, we should offer support and make dua’ for our brothers and sisters and not shun them.
May Allah guide all of us to the straight path, keep us patient, forgive us for our sins and grant us the highest levels of Jannah. Ameen.
medinese
April 14, 2009 at 1:39 PM
Assalamu Alaikum Sister Conviction2Change,
Your comment truly touched me, unlike a previous one by ‘Taher’ whose skepticism struck me (but not many others, so I could be wrong) of the Islamic view on homosexuality. I have never never understood how ppl can be homosexual and until recently I thought that it was strictly a choice. Now I know that is not
necessarily the case for all ppl. But I do believe that the vast majority of women who have SSA are bi, and this is because I live in the KSA, and know (or heard of) lots of girls who experimented with other girls but end up getting married with no problem. Many of them view it as completely normal. As for men, I think
that though many are bi, there is a higher percentage of men who are not attracted to women than women who are not attracted to men.
In any case I fully believe that Allah has the power to help them IF THEY MAKE THE INTENTION TO CHANGE AND STRUGGLE FOR HIS SAKE. I think its very very sad to read comments like ‘O whyyyyyyy
did Allah create me this way. Its not faaaaaaaaaaair.’ May Allah forgive me, I can not relate in any way, but I feel that living with SSA is similar to living with
a physical impairment like one arm or an inability to hear, for example. You have to fight, you WILL struggle, but I think living with this very real struggle on a
day to day basis will result in a Muslim much much stronger than your average joe (or Joann).
May Allah reward you immensely and keep you steady on his path.
Your sister from the city of the Prophet (Medinah)
me, too
April 14, 2009 at 3:46 PM
I’m a Muslim woman that struggles with same sex attractions and in my experience, you cannot talk about these issues safely with anyone in the Muslim community other than those with the same tendencies. This is a double-edged sword, the ability to talk openly and honestly with someone who understands and the social support is invaluable but there is also the added risk of mutual attraction.
For some marriage is a realistic option, for others it is not. Celibacy is an option, but a difficult one. Others give in to their desires.
One thing, I would like to mention is that much of information available about homosexuality from Muslim sources, denigrates and/or alienates Muslims with same sex attractions from their faith. It is this attitude and stigma, which prevents many from coming forward to seek out help and may lead them to turn to non-Muslim sources or to leave their faith completely.
Beside expressions of sympathy, one real way to help those of us dealing with this issue is to stand up to such hateful and harmful talk about people with such attractions, your brothers and sisters. Shaykh Yasir is to be commended for speaking about the issue with such sensitivity in his article, yet I personally have heard him make stridently anti-gay remarks in class and it is precisely these remarks and attitudes, which cause immeasurable harm to our Muslim brothers and sisters and may alienate them from their faith. Don’t think of us as the other, we are right here, reading Muslim Matters, attending AlMaghrib seminars, memorizing Quran, learning Arabic, fasting, trying to improve ourselves and learn our deen, praying next to you, etc.
Separating out the Islamic viewpoint from our own personal biases is important and choosing our words carefully to avoid inadvertently harming other Muslims is also important. More than expressing sympathy for people with same sex attractions, stand up to the hate speech and bigotry and vitriol from the minbars and from friends and families against Muslims that struggle with their sexuality.
me, too
April 14, 2009 at 4:07 PM
I will take it as my duty as well, ya Shaykh. May Allah reward with goodness. I always look forward to attending your classes.
Yasir Qadhi
April 14, 2009 at 3:56 PM
You’re absolutely right, I have at times allowed such feelings to show in crude jokes. Jazak Allah for pointing this out and I will try my best to ensure this does not happen again. Also, please take it as your duty to correct such attitudes (via private comments) and, at least from my side, it will be taken very positively.
Yasir
Ayman
January 16, 2011 at 2:29 AM
Assalamulaikum,
Mashallah, that’s very admirable and noble of you Shaykh Yasir Qadhi–for admitting your mistakes without hesitation.
Rasheed Eldin
April 14, 2009 at 6:05 PM
As-salamu ‘alaikum,
On Amad’s question about lesbianism, I could mention to you what Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi said in one interview which was subsequently chopped up and part-translated by MEMRI for the amusement of Islam-haters. Here is the full (Arabic) transcript from Al-Jazeera, and the full video is available there too:
http://www.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/E3A7EEFB-4016-485A-8D6A-7AA9FD75CBD9.htm
He stated that “Lesbian activity is a lighter matter than homosexual sodomy in practical terms.” He recounted a hadith in which Ma’iz ibn Malik came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and confessed to zina (unlawful sex), asking him to enact the prescribed punishment upon him. The Prophet, from his mercy, said “No, perhaps you didn’t touch her, perhaps you only kissed her, perhaps…” – but the man insisted that he had committed the major sin, which is defined and has the prescribed punishment according to that definition. So, Sheikh Qaradawi said, lesbian activity can be considered like these precursors to fornication, which is distinct from the act of sodomy between men.
For more discussion on that interview, please see my post here:
http://gaymuslims.wordpress.com/2006/06/27/are-gays-perverts/
Gohar
April 14, 2009 at 6:24 PM
I don’t see how anyone can expect never to have unnatural thoughts. Nearly every man has fantasized about rape, as well as about relations with their close female family members. Being weird is part of growing up.
N
October 2, 2010 at 5:39 PM
Eewww, I will have to disagree with you. I don’t think every man fantasizes rape or having sexual relationship with his siblings. That’s just sick.
AsimG
April 14, 2009 at 6:38 PM
^But the problem is when those “weird thoughts” are the only thoughts and they don’t go away…
Gohar
April 14, 2009 at 6:46 PM
But there’s also another problem of people catastrophizing any abnormal thought that goes through their mind, who then begin to make illogical conclusions based on that, and therefore worry unnecessarily.
Anonymous
April 14, 2009 at 7:37 PM
May Allah reward you brother…I’m glad that finally a scholar has taken the proper approach to answer this question. I’m battling same-sex urges, and Insha’Allah when I overcome them I will try to help other Muslims in this situation.
Anonymous
April 14, 2009 at 8:05 PM
“Me too”:
if u havent joined already, i suggest u to join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle …..the sisters and bros on the group r amaazing and provide tremendous support for those struggling with same-sex attraction (ssa)…..its helped me a lot w. battling ssa & im sure ull find it helpful as well Insha’Allah :)
me, too
April 14, 2009 at 8:46 PM
@ Anonymous: I joined the group in the past but left because I didn’t find it beneficial.
Sister Conviction2Change
April 14, 2009 at 11:29 PM
Salam dear sister me,too
I would like to commend you on how much you have been struggling and still have not caved in like so many others in your position have and continue to do so every day. I’m in your shoes so I know how you feel. I know how tempting it must be for you. What I do is that I constantly remind myself of how much I can please Allah with this and how displeasing it would be to Him if I were to ever act upon it. It helps. :)
I understand the Straight Struggle group didn’t work out for you. That’s fine, it doesn’t for everyone. We’re all different despite this one common thread we all have embedded in us. So my suggestion is perhaps talking to sisters only on the side? We’re actually thinking of starting a sisters only group just like Straight Struggle. But until then some sisters and I do correspond with each other on the side to help each other out, encourage each other, and help each other get closer to Allah. If you ever want to, send me an email at my below address and we would be more than happy to include you as well.
As for the people in the community who are not receptive to you, know that those people are not worthy of your wonderful presence. If they fail to try to understand who you are (and you are quite simply a Muslimah!) then forget them. But rest assured there are MANY other straight Muslims out there who are willing to understand. We just have to find them. Personally, I’ve told about 7 Muslims now who support me. They exist. As for the shaykhs, I just give them their 70 due excuses and move on with my day praying that Allah eliminates further ignorance from our scholars. I think the fact that Shaykh Yasir wrote this article shows that some, such as himself, are truly trying to connect with a dark corner of the Muslim community that has been suppressed and silenced for so long. May Allah reward him and others like him.
Salam,
Your sister with a conviction to change
conviction2change@gmail.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
ALGEBRA
April 15, 2009 at 12:19 AM
Aslamu-alaikum:
I really believe that this post needs to be closed now. People that needed help on this blog overcoming their negative thoughts have found another blog like the one above to voice their grievances etc.
The fact that there are groups being formed to talk about this subject is appalling to me. HOMOSEXUALITY IN EVERY WAY IS WRONG AND IT IS A SIN TO ACT ON IT. IT IS A GRAVE SIN……………… talking about it over and over again and like forming a group is NOT THE SOLUTION…………….Find out what is missing in your lives like closeness to ALLAH and his PROPHET(PBUH)…………..
Go ask Allah for help and FORGIVENESS in every way……………. SERIOUSLY…………………
even heterosexuals feel frustrated but they are NOT suppose to form groups in which they are suppose to talk about their attraction for each other on a constant basis. I think it defeats the purpose of keeping yourself AWAY from fitna when you are trying to go toward it and trying to find solace in each other rather than finding SOLACE IN ALLAH……………….
I believe talking about it in groups is just manifesting it to stay longer……………….
and not really solving the problem…………..and yes it is a problem………….. If one has bad thoughts they are suppose to say Auzu billahi………..etc. to keep the shaytan away…………. make repentance, make salat, keep away from the very things that bring those thoughts to you………….. seriously NOT FORM GROUPS TO DISCUSS THE MATTER FURTHER>…………………….
YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT FROM YOUR HEART>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> WORK ON CHANGING YOUR HEART AND ASK ALLAH FOR THAT………………………. ALLAH WILL HELP………………. but the way some of you on this blog are going about it is TOTALLY CONTRARY to what ALLAH’s LAW and GUIDANCE…………….
Go talk in PRIVATE TO SHAYKS and i believe the SHAYKS need to give you ISLAMIC GUIDANCE and i am sure it is found in the QURAN and SUNNAH………………. STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER IF THAT IS YOUR WEAKNESS……………..
salam
Bahader
April 15, 2009 at 1:07 AM
Sister Conviction2Change you said in your previous post that you were addicted to porn and so on..
Maybe Allah punished you with that kind of feelings because of your previous sins or He test you so that you become pure?
I don’t know WHY I am getting the feeling that homosexuality is being tolerated in this discussion… But Allah and His prophet and the saahaba were very very harsh and strict on this topic.
If you’re guy then pray to Allah.. As long as you don’t turn your feeling into action.
Try to get married, don’t denounce it JUST because you don’t feel attraction towards women (opposite for sisters.. i.e. men)
Force the attraction instead!!
Man.. May Allah help you and us!
(I live in Sweden and English is not my native language.. so please excuse me for my poor grammar)
Ibn Mikdad
April 15, 2009 at 7:16 AM
“I don’t know WHY I am getting the feeling that homosexuality is being tolerated in this discussion”
You get the wrong impression. Brothers and sisters who feel same-sex attraction come to write here exactly because they do not tolerate these feelings, they want to get rid of them. Others recognize that they cannot be blamed for anything as long as their attitude to such feelings is correct and they restrain themselves, and try to give them brotherly advice, for the sake of Allah, to help them deal with this evil. No tolerance for evil here, just brotherly love and kindness for the sake of Allah.
tahir
April 15, 2009 at 8:05 AM
my point of view is that topics like these should not be discussed so openly. too much debate it also harmful.
its a sin full stop, those that are plagued with such urges should repent sincerely and get married if single.
do not discuss your sin with others as to speak about sin is bad, conceal what Allah has concealed.
best remedy is prayer in the last hours if the night and sayeeda istaghphar.. also do haj or umrah and insha-Allah that trip will help you change.
Ayman
January 16, 2011 at 2:37 AM
Assalamulaikum,
I’m sorry, however, you are missing the problem, which is why the solution you have provided is incomplete. I suggest you read the comments above which elaborate upon the potential harms you may bring upon yourself and particularly another, if you get married with homosexual desires. Thus, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. Hiding it will only cause more harm by allowing the problem to persist in the shadows.
Furthermore, speaking about sin in the context of gloating or bragging, or causing corruption to enter the public sphere is haraam. However, speaking about the occurrence or presence of sinful behaviour which affects many, for the purpose of finding a solution is not. If you argue that it is, please bring some proof. More importantly, is speaking about homosexual urges a sin? Acting upon such urges may be a sin, but having them certainly is not.
Finally, read brother Taahir’s comment and notice how his unique situation needs to be addressed in an unique way. The generalized solution you have provided may not necessarily “change” (i.e. create an attraction for the opposite gender) for such situations, although it will Inshallah improve it.
Salaam,
Ayman
Ibn Mikdad
April 15, 2009 at 8:18 AM
“too much debate it also harmful.”
Why?
“do not discuss your sin with others as to speak about sin is bad”
What is a sin?
“its a sin full stop, those that are plagued with such urges should repent sincerely and get married if single.”
Would you marry a woman who is attracted to the same sex? How can you condemn people for something that, for all purposes, seems to be out of their control, and then tell them them to get married? If everyone had your attitude, even if they wanted to get married, they wouldn’t be able to, because they would be rejected.
I believe that you are sincere and that you despise sin for the sake of Allah, but to deal with evil we first must understand it and then accordingly.
abu abdAllah Tariq Ahmed
April 15, 2009 at 8:24 AM
Bismillah was salamu alaykum. I seek refuge with Allah, and ask forbearance from those who read my comments.
I agree with those who make dua for the guidance of brothers and sisters who are in sin. And I think there is the weakness of every stubborn sinner in any person who makes the argument that homosexual behavior/actions are compatible with being a Muslim. Allah subhanahu wata ala destroyed Qawmi Lut — it was one of four nations whose ignominy and punishment are mentioned again and again in the Qur’an — cursed with every recitation by the Muslims, cursed by all of time, and the evil of them held up as an example for all of humanity by Allah.
And the most notorious sin of Qawmi Lut was their stubborn pursuit of deviant sexuality. They were of the mutakabbireen, and their arrogance manifested specifically in their refusal of the guidance of Lut alayhis salam. And their most righteous supporter was the wife of Lut — we know she had good qualities because she was the wife of a prophet of Allah, and a great prophet at that.
And Allah destroyed her with them.
So, there is more than enough room for improvement among Muslims in inviting homosexuals to Islam, but there is no doubt at all that Islam is submission to Allah. And as for those who hold their most precious “desires” above the hudud of Allah?
“fa ammaa man taghaa, wa aatharal hayaatad-dunya, fa innal-jaheema hi-yal-ma’waa. wa ammaa man khafa maqaama Rabbihi, wa nahan-nafsa ‘anilhawaa, fa innal-Jannata hi-yal-ma’waa.” From surah an-Naziat. and for the one who commits taghaa (disobedience predicated on self-aggrandizement above Allah, subhanAllah), and loses himself in pursuit of worldly pleasures, then indeed for him is Jaheem (hellfire) refuge. And for the one who respectfully fears the Position of his Lord over himself, and restrained his soul/self from its unlawful inclinations, then indeed the Garden (of Paradise) will be his refuge.
And the warning is not for homosexuals as such — it is for any person who treasures some fleeting sinful pleasure of this world such that he makes excuses against the Command of Allah. Whether it be alcohol, illicit sex with men or women, any kind of abuse of others, backbiting, etc. — any of those things which Allah has forbidden — fear Allah and restrain yourselves.
And may Allah Guide all of us, whatever our inclinations to the unequivocal realization of His position as our Rabb, to the true submission to Him, and specifically in fighting whatever weakness is the test of our own nafs.
fshareef
April 15, 2009 at 9:06 AM
assalamu alaikum,
i haven’t seen anyone respond with a psychological argument yet.
(i did major in psychology, and i do still keep up with recent research on certain topics in psychology.)
so… here’s my proposition.
all attractions and repulsions, whether to the same gender or opposite gender or to dark skin or light skin (etc… etc… etc…), are completely based on the stereotypes/associations/prejudices we form through our environment, our hormonal fluctuations, and our personal experiences. understanding how stereotypes and associations are formed, biologically and socially, can help us understand sexual attraction. furthermore, understanding how stereotypes and associations can be broken, we can then develop attractions and repulsions toward ANYTHING.
if mm.org would like me to expound on that, let me know, and i’ll see what i can do after my law school exams are done.
Amad
April 15, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Fshareef: we would definitely be interested in a post on this issue from a psychological point of view. That would be very helpful.
Rasheed Eldin
April 15, 2009 at 10:19 AM
Salaam,
I would just like to comment on two points that have been made in recent comments:
1. That this issue should not be talked about too much!
– I agree, these matters shouldn’t be exaggerated as we could run the risk of actually putting the wrong ideas in some people’s heads. But there certainly has to be *somewhere* to talk about it openly, as hiding from the issue won’t make it go away. Yes you’re right, what’s needed first and foremost is an emphasis on spirituality and returning to Allah. But who’s going to make that link for the people struggling? And not only that, but there are plenty of good practising Muslims for whom this problem hasn’t yet gone away because there are other dimensions to the problem: psychological, social, whatever. The implication that people feel this way because they have been sinful is unfair.
– Also, linking it to “making sins public” isn’t right because it is already very public and what’s needed is another side to the discourse. There have been numerous books, documentaries and even a feature film (“A Jihad for Love”) promoting the “Queer Muslim” agenda and there must be some counter-balance. Furthermore, those who seek help by getting involved in some kind of support group generally do so anonymously, so they can talk through their issues without exposing what Allah has covered.
2. That setting up support groups is counter-productive!
– Perhaps you think that people involved in such groups just perpetuate their problems by becoming obsessed with them and talking about them incessantly. That’s a danger that people at StraightStruggle try to avoid, by encouraging members to look at their lives positively. At the same time, when things get tough, they know they have understanding brothers and sisters to lean on, who will talk them through their moment of struggle. And it means a lot coming from people who have gone through exactly the same.
DE
April 15, 2009 at 10:21 AM
Assalamu alaikum,
From what I remember, Shaykh bin Baaz (rahimahullah) explained that the punishment for lesbianism is not the same as for sodomy because there is no actual act of penetration of the private parts.
The hadd punishment in the case of adultery, fornication, and sodomy all revolve around the evidence/confession of the actual act of penetration.
Wallahu ‘alam.
h. ahmed
April 15, 2009 at 1:25 PM
Admittedly, I havent read all the comments. So Im not sure this hasnt been posted earlier, but if not i HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS ANSWER BY SHAYKH ABDAL HAKIM JACKSON (Dr. Sherman Jackson) on “If there is a Place for Gay Muslims”
Is There A Place For Gay Muslims
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HisIwWhyU34
(Thanks to Brother Dash for recording and posting on youtube/facebook)
Pingback: “Is there a place for gay Muslims?” « Eye on Gay Muslims
MBloggerer
April 15, 2009 at 2:53 PM
Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem
Shaytaan often whispers thoughts of shirk to us or we might think to commit sins or crimes such as theft, homosexuality, etc. but just because one has those thoughts does not make them a “Mushrik” or a “Thief” or a “Homosexual” – so let’s move away from ascribing set identies to our dear brothers and sisters struggling with these urges.
I love how sister Conviction2Change stressed she is a Muslimah before all else (stressing this aspect rather than just saying she is someone who has urges) – and this is attitude is essential. If you ascribe a negative to yourself, it’s like a self-fulfilling prophesy…whether you consciously realize it, you follow through with whatever pattern of behaviour your chosen identiy requires.
Remember Uthman radhi Allahu ‘anh? I think the concept of Hayaa needs to be revived, especially among brother (most people are under the false impression it’s something for sisters alone). As for those who say this issue is drastically different from heterosexual attraction because one is constantly surrounded by the same gender, I don’t think it has to be. If you have these urges, then lower your gaze before brothers, don’t hug them (if shaking hands is too much, then don’t), keep your talk business-like, make sure to cover as much as possible and don’t go to places like the gym, etc. where you are exposed to naked/tight parts……in essence — treat them as you would a member of the opposite gender because the whole point of gender interactions code in Islam is to prevent Zina (even with the same gender). [if you think about it, if you actually function within society you are constantly surrounded by the opposite gender at school, work, bus/train, etc…so if it possible to refrain in these cases, then certainly, one can derive the strength to keep themselves pure with the same gender].
These urges are no different than others that lead us to sin and the only thing that can prevent us from sin is the mercy of Allah upon us and our Taqwa of Him (and no urge is worse than that of shirk). Who is the only one who can help us combat these urges? Allah. So what are some ways we can earn the pleasure of Allah? Always make du’aa, fast as often as you can, etc The more good deeds we do, the more our iman or faith increases which translates into a greater strength to do what is pleasing to Allah, including keeping away from the sin of a homosexual act or any other form of zina. It’s not a disease (at least in most cases not psychological), it’s a sin and if we approach it like one, perhaps we would be able to repel it like one.
And just as with any other sinful thought, let’s not disclose our urges or wrongful actions to others unnecessarily, whether online or off – unless of course we are getting help from a councillor, imam, or other professional. Let’s adopt the attitude of success, let’s not make any excuses for our wrong actions and put our trust in Allah to rectify our affairs when we act to please Him.
I think Brother Dawud said it best when he said if Allah can take someone from Kufr to Islam, He can certainly take them out of Homosexuality to Heterosexuality.
May Allah ta’ala grant us sucess in all our private struggles and make us even better in private than in public, ameen.
Note: As someone who has been a regular reader at MM since it’s inception, I highly agree with those who’ve said the comments for this post should be closed and a new post on the solutions given by the scholars of old or the suggestion by brother FShareef regarding the psychology of attraction be made. Otherwise this section might just be counterproductive to the initial aims of the post by our respected Shaykh.
Amad
April 15, 2009 at 3:53 PM
salam
We usually don’t close comments unless they degenerate into personal attacks. So far, this thread has maintained its “integrity”, and we’d like to leave it open for anyone else who wishes to share their experiences. Brother FShareef’s article may be some time in coming, and we look forward to it inshallah. Meanwhile, Sr. Zainab is also working on other angles to see if we can take this to the next step.
jazakillahkhair
Taleb Haq
April 15, 2009 at 4:27 PM
Salam,
May Allah reward you all for your intention. While the brother’s intention is good, to close the discussion, I believe it is probably the worst thing that we can do in such a situation. We need to have a healthy discussion on what is happening in the community and this needs to be done at all levels of the Muslim community be it the scholars, the thinkers, the laymen and the concerned. What do we gain if we close such a discussion? What do we lose? We lose the confidence and respect of our brothers and sisters who are going through such a trial and tribulation. They will no longer be able to relay on us in the Muslim community for help and they will feel we are quite literally sweeping them under the carpet and pretending that they don’t exist.
To the brothers that have compared this issue to stealing and other crimes. To start off with, I don’t believe that discussion on an issue such as “what is the punishment of this and that” is even relevant. This discussion is to be had by jurists when they are assessing a particular case in an Islamic court. In the case of very few issues, the hudood are already outlined and the situation would be assessed to see if the hudood actually apply to it or not. The hadd for homosexuality has NOT been outlined in the Qur’an or sunnah and it is left to the jurists to decide upon it. And Allah knows best.
Back to the particular case of comparing this crime to others. I believe, just from reading some of the comments, that it is not clear in everyone’s thinking yet that we need to evaluate what exactly is the crime…simply having the feelings is NOT a crime nor a punishment (it is unfair and unjust to even assume that this is a punishment, and very counterproductive). The issue that needs to be focused on is how do we stop our brothers and sisters who are committing such crimes to get back on the straight path and how do we prevent them from going back to that path. Also, how do we help them in maintaining a stable and normal life as much as possible given the circumstances that they have found themselves in. They are, after all, our brothers and sisters and it is our duty to help them as such. Discussing such issues in a group setting or a one-on-one, is, wallahu a’lam, a method that has proven to work… unfortunately, it is not always possible to discuss this with an imam or family member as they may not fully understand what is going on.
So, instead of looking for ways to criticize and diminish the efforts that have been proven to work for people, let’s try and see what else can be done to help them.
May Allah reward us for our intentions and put baraka in our efforts.
Salam.
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 15, 2009 at 6:23 PM
This is too much to take in 1.5 week!
Beginning of last week, I saw a huge flyer on one of the bulletin boards at a nearby school marketing a movie about international homo-Muslims produced by some sicko “Muslim”. Never knew it existed, never watched it never will. The title itself was so sickening! Apparently, some fags were having homo-awareness week.
This week, this article!!! Seriously, are homo-Muslims really this common?!? Scares me…
…and I am provoked to respond…
Despite being a student of psychology, I dont give a darn about the psychological argument! Homosexuality is anti-fitrah just like kufr is anti-fitrah and given that most Muslims know engaging in homosexuality is haraam (just like they know that engaging in kufr is haram), there is no need to deal with this matter with tenderness. Are we forgetting that Allah punished the people of Lut thru a severe hail storm plus a 180 degree town-flip for engaging in homosexual behavior!
Here is my question to all those who are so eager to address the underlying ‘psychological causes’ of homo-behavior….If homosexuality is associated with mental problems, then why did Allah punish homosexuals so harshly? Do you think ALLAH, The Most Just, would punish psychologically disturbed individuals in such a fashion?!? Think about it!
Pro-gay is anti-Islam…anti-gay is Pro-Islam. How does making anti-gay comments harm a Muslim and alienate him from his faith? Your (bolded) comment is contradictory. Righteous Muslims benefit from anti-gay remarks as such remarks remind them about homosexual behavior being filth, protect them from harm and make them closer to their faith!
Br. Yasir Qadhi, what was that validation for? Seriously? That too with a “Jazakallah…”?!? Am I missing something here or are we losing ourselves? May Allah strengthen and protect righteousness! If you are ensuring that you will not make anti-gay comments in your lectures, then I ensure you that you will lose an audience! Astaghfirullah. (If you are not Br. Yasir Qadhi, plz dont respond to this part of my comment).
——
Honestly, how far are Muslims going to go to reduce the severity of committing MAJOR SINS by ‘investigating’ psychological ’causes/explanations’? (I guess, ‘psuedo-psychological’ would be a more appropriate term). So, what next are we going to use psychology for…reducing the severity of committing kufr? Astaghfirullah!
May Allah protect!
Ayman
January 16, 2011 at 2:50 AM
Assalamulaikum,
Sister — there’s a huge difference between approaching the issue of homosexuality in the case of those who 1: a) support it and b) attack Islam for being in opposition or attempt to make it compatible with Islam and 2: a) do not support it b) suffer from such urges, and sincerely desire some help and assistance from their brothers, sisters and leaders.
Yet, you say its “wrong” to be tender to those who suffer from these problems? Clearly, you have jumped to a conclusion without serious thought. Harsh treatment of those who can be helped and guided away from such afflictions is amongst the worst modes of responses. It will alienate them, weaken their morale, and God-forbid – encourage the fulfillment of such urges (i.e. when you are left alone to deal with such a problem, your will power isn’t always so high).
Well, one thing is for sure: righteous Muslims certainly do not benefit from failing to adequately address a problem with an effective solution. One needs to understand the problem before suggesting a complete solution.
Take care!
Ayman
Hannah
July 12, 2016 at 2:20 AM
I wish that Allah give you that trial so that YOU understand how it feels. Do you think any of us choose to live like this? Perhaps have SOME empathy for those who are struggling with this rather than be condescending towards them. You’re disgusting. What kind of Muslim are you? Get off your high horse!
Yasir Qadhi
April 15, 2009 at 6:44 PM
@ Sr. No-nonsense, please!
I am addressing those who have such feelings and are trying to battle them and not fall into the sin. I am not addressing those who are flouting the Shariah and openly engaging in sin, considering it to be permissible. For the first category, I have nothing but kindness and sympathy; for the second, the opposite.
I’m afraid you don’t seem to understand the difference between the two.
Yasir
AsimG
April 15, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Asalaamu Alaykum Sister no nonsense,
You are mostly correct. When someone blatantly embraces homosexuality, flaunts it and even justifies the sin Islamically, they have no place with us.
But we do not CHASE PEOPLE away from our deen when they are struggling and confused.
With all due respect ukhti, you have absolutely no basis to speak from a psychological standpoint nor should you be speaking Islamically on the mental condition.
It is much more complicated than quoting the story of Lut (as).
Ask any of those brothers and sisters if they felt that they “had a choice” in having these urges.
Ask the brothers who were molested by their uncles for years and are completely confused on what is masculinity and sexuality if they “had a choice”.
Also, let’s watch our adab with our teachers such as Shaykh Yasir Qadhi…
Amad
April 15, 2009 at 7:34 PM
It is amazing for someone to tell someone else that they KNOW how the other feels. When we have examples of GOOD Muslims in these very comments, trying to preserve and protect themselves from their own fitnah, I find it highly egregious for someone to tell them that they are full of it. One should seek mercy and forgiveness from Allah that the same fitnah doesn’t afflict them or one of their loved ones in the future. When we flaunt someone’s weakness or fitnah, out of Allah’s Justice, that same fitnah might hit us. I have seen that happen to myself on an issue, and I seek forgiveness for you sister “no-nonsense” and everyone else from this retribution.
As for the homo-movie by the wacko Parvez Sharma, that has no correlation and analogy to the REAL MUSLIMS struggling with it. People who deny that this is even a sin are committing kufr, and for some of them to openly flaunt Allah’s limits, then they will get their recompense in the most flaunted way as well. Please do not compare apples and oranges, especially when the oranges are completely rotten…
aj
October 12, 2010 at 9:39 PM
very good answer
may Allah swt reward you
tahre
June 13, 2011 at 10:49 AM
May Allah help those suffering from it
AsimG
April 15, 2009 at 7:27 PM
Response to the “straight struggle groups”:
I agree, I find these groups a little problematic.
It is DANGEROUS for these brothers and sisters to make friends with each other, but where else are they supposed to go?
Do we have counselors in our masajid that can handle such affairs?
They need to talk to someone and to gain a better perspective on their struggle.
It also is dangerous to legitimize these desires and take the identity of “SSA”. Also, from what I understand, these groups are in repetitive cycles whereas many people basically just come tell their “story” and post whenever they sin.
For those who are little farther along in their struggle, these stories become a fitnah in itself.
But one could easily argue these type of “online support groups” are helpful because it stops people from despairing.
Allahu Alim, it is not the best option right now, but I don’t know of any other place those brothers and sisters could go?
AsimG
April 15, 2009 at 7:47 PM
I want to mention this one more time: THE ISSUE OF DESPAIR AND LONELINESS.
Time and again you will hear these two words used. Why?
Because they feel completely cut off from the rest of the Muslims and feel there is NO SOLUTION.
It is complete garbage to say all of these brothers and sisters CHOSE these urges and saying such statement will only further increase this despair and loneliness.
fshareef
April 15, 2009 at 8:02 PM
“Sister: No nonsense, Please!”,
I understand where you’re coming from, and you do have a valid point. However, just as alcoholism is a major sin in Islam and its effects and causes need to be studied in order to implement effective prevention methods, the same is for any other major sin, and that includes homosexuality and lesbianism, with regards to Islam and Muslims.
Studying the causes and effects of major sins being committed in modern society does not “reduce the severity of committing MAJOR SINS.” Rather, it creates the opportunity to reflect back on the Laws of Allah in preventing people from committing such sins.
Just as there are already programs available – at least in america – to prevent alcoholism, if the goal is the implementation of Islam beyond five daily prayers, programs need to be made available to address the issues of and prevent the Islamically illegal actions of Muslims.
I hope that clarifies my position.
Omar
April 15, 2009 at 8:15 PM
Assalamualaikum
Practically everyone understands it is a major sin to act upon, but the desires need to be dealt with. But as fshareef said, I have yet to see a scientific response to this with a practical cure.
We need committed Muslim psychologists who can correctly diagnose the different causes, and ways of dealing with them. Then share their findings with these various groups.
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 15, 2009 at 8:24 PM
Even so…unless someone’s heart is spiritually diseased, why will making anti-gay remarks drive them away from Islam? The comment that was apologetically responded to earlier is logically inconsistent.
It’s like apologizing to someone for making anti-kufr comments because they are suffering from kufr waswasas (pl. for waswasa…evil whisperings from Satan). Is it ever right to apologize for anti-kufr remarks? The answer obviously is NO. Similarly is it ever right to apologize for making anti-gay remarks? The answer once again is NO. I hope you get my point.
So do I.
Alhamdulillah, I totally understand the difference between the two. I couldn’t find the original comment the excerpt was quoted from…so from what I’ve read in your quotation…the commentator clearly seems to be upset because you had made anti-gay remarks (in other words, pro-Islam remarks). No where did he/she say that he/she was upset because you ridiculed people who were struggling to rid themselves of homosexuals thoughts.
Ayman
January 16, 2011 at 1:03 PM
“Alhamdulillah, I totally understand the difference between the two. I couldn’t find the original comment the excerpt was quoted from…so from what I’ve read in your quotation…the commentator clearly seems to be upset because you had made anti-gay remarks (in other words, pro-Islam remarks). No where did he/she say that he/she was upset because you ridiculed people who were struggling to rid themselves of homosexuals thoughts.”
Assalamulaikum,
I see, thanks for making your position clear. I was under the impression that you were even against compassionately dealing with those who have acknowledge that homosexual behaviour is unacceptable, however, still suffer from the urges. Certainly, if by anti-gay remarks you mean intellectually criticizing homosexuality and lesbianism, and speaking of the consequences I have no problem. If you mean immature and unnecessary insults which serve no good purpose, then I disagree.
Examples:
1. “Homosexuals who have accepted their behaviour and propagate it as being OK, are seriously misguided, along with all of their supporters, and will face consequences in the hereafter if they do not seek Allah’s forgiveness and return to the straight path or even try to.” – Nothing wrong with this.
2. “Homosexuals are pieces of sh** who should go die!” – As you yourself have mentioned, this method of expressing disapproval really won’t help guide a person. It is also full of hate – not simply towards the sin, or even the act of committing the sin on the part of the sinner, but it fails to acknowledge that such people have been created with fitrah, and have the potential to return, Inshallah.
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 15, 2009 at 8:40 PM
I never spoke from the psychological standpoint. I simply said that I had formal education in psychology. And I never spoke on the mental condition from the Islamic perspective either.
It’s actually not as complicated as its being made. After a certain point, the psychological ‘investigation’ becomes pseudo-intellectulism, in my opinion. Wallahu alim.
I try to implement my knowledge about adab to the best of my understanding.
Siraaj
April 15, 2009 at 8:57 PM
Salaam alaykum Sister: No Nonsense Please
Jazakallaah khayr for your input.
Actually sister, your analogy is mistaken. The hypothetical people you’re describing have accepted their kufr waswas, whereas the SSA people discussed in the article have not. They have and continue to resist their waswas. When a group of people approached the Prophet about their waswas, and they confirmed that they hated this waswas, the Prophet did not make fun of them – rather, he said this was a sign of their eman.
As for anti-kufr remarks, it depends on how you wish to define it. if it is an academic, rational discussion in which views are shared, this is one thing. If it is simply destructive criticism and name-calling, this is actually not recommended. It was noted that the people came to Islam through beautiful preaching, not through hate speech. What shaykh yasir above has done has stated a position against the action of homosexuality in a good manner while commending the brothers and sisters who resist it. At the same time, he has also stated that immature joking about the problem has no place in the discussion.
Siraaj
me, too
April 15, 2009 at 9:07 PM
I intended to avoid this discussion since the atmosphere seems to have become hostile, which is generally why I have found such discussions are to be avoided with many Muslims particularly those whose minds are unable to grasp the reality of the situation at hand, namely, that there are Muslims who struggle with this trial, who see it as a trial, who struggle mostly alone for the sake of Allah to hold onto their faith and fight against the inclinations of their nafs in a community unable or unwillingly to assist them with anything other than condemnations and crude jokes.
But since my comments were referenced I thought I would offer a clarification. I do not have any problem with someone giving the Islamic viewpoint on such matters with proofs from the Quran and Sunnah but I do take exception to comments which demean and insult and only serve to harm those we believe that we can safely demonize are “the other”.
The inability to speak about this struggle with other Muslims or receive any support for this struggle has an isolating effect on the individual. Struggling with this issue as a Muslim is difficult, struggling alone is also difficult, understanding that this struggle falls outside of Islamic normative values and having this struggle belittled, demeaned, and made fun of not only by your peers, your fellow Muslim brothers and sisters but also those in positions of authority or people of knowledge that you learn from and respect also has an isolating effect, can lead to feelings of alienation from one’s faith, and makes a difficult situation unnecessarily even more difficult.
Perhaps, you can understand that? Or maybe not.
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 15, 2009 at 9:08 PM
Since in your thesis statement you have made duas for me…I can’t help but ask…when did I say ‘I KNOW how the other feels’ and when did I say ‘all you guys trying to protect yourself from fitnah are full of it?!?” Really I want you to answer those questions. It really upsets me that you have read those sentiments in my comments!
Sure. I never did the latter.
I have seen that happen to myself on an issue, and I seek forgiveness for you sister “no-nonsense” and everyone else from this retribution.Astaghfirullah, yes I talked about fitnah but when did I flaunt about it? Yes I want you to answer that question as well.
I know it is not entirely related to the original article. I never compared the movie to this article. I didn’t mention it as an analogy, but as something that has been bother me since last week….that is homosexuality amongst Muslims.
Seriously, Br. Amad, give me a break!!! The admin is expected to have a broader perspective than the common commentators.
Amad
April 15, 2009 at 9:55 PM
Okay Sr. “no-nonsense”, I’ll give you a break. Let’s move on.
ibnabeeomar
April 15, 2009 at 9:30 PM
the sherman jackson video was excellent and i really recommend everyone watch it
fshareef
April 15, 2009 at 10:03 PM
@ Sister: No nonsense, Please!:
in reference to your comment – “After a certain point, the psychological ‘investigation’ becomes pseudo-intellectulism, in my opinion. Wallahu alim.”
that could be said true about any field of physical science or social science. it doesn’t mean research should stop. further, that comment may be making the false assumption that it is possible for humans to have collected all knowledge regarding a certain field of studies. but, i don’t think you were intending that.
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 15, 2009 at 11:49 PM
Walaikum as-salaam,
I don’t think it is…a waswas is a waswasa whether you acknowledge it or not. If you don’t realize that it is a waswasa then, you need to be informed about it.
From what I know, anti-kufr remarks are acceptable…as long as they are used with wisdom in the right place at the right time, and are phrased appropriately. Wallahu Alim…
Isn’t it mentioned in the Quran…”…if you mock at us so do we mock at you likewise for your mocking…” Check Surah Hood, verse 38 for context.
@ me too:
I understand that. I won’t say anything about crude joking (as I don’t really know if it is an effective approach) but let’s not underestimate the power of condemnations. Harsh condemnations distinguish right from wrong. If it weren’t for them, we wouldn’t have a strong and clear sense of Islamic ethics. Br. Yasir Qadhi should freely and strictly condemn gay-ism/lesbianism in his classes, lectures, etc. to make it easier for off-track people to get in touch with their fitrah. Seriously, these urges are waswasas…don’t get lost in any kind of hoax. Shaytan likes to create a false sense of complexity in simple matters. …don’t give those urges more attention than they deserve. Read Surah an-Nas.
@ fshareef:
Research investingating wacko hypotheses anti-fitrah inclinations should stop. And Muslims probing psychological explanations for anti-fitrah behavior seriously need to relax!
Wallahu Alim
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 12:12 AM
@ Taahir
I feel for you brother, and I hope that Allah eases your burden, but I think you’ll find that although you may have had a “normal” childhood, you still had a childhood completely unique to you, one that help build your identity. I suggest that you find a Muslim counselor, or do some self-examination on why it is that you find the same sex attractive for emotional reasons, starting from early childhood. Its weird how the brain wires things together. Allah IS with you, and you just gotta keep going. There are people in the world who have went from being normal children, to serial murders, and back again (A long way gone by Ishmael Beah), gone from heroine addicts to completely clean, and yes there ARE people who have defeated homosexual desires. You also need to know the principles of brain science, and pain pleasure associations. I suggest you read some books on Neuro Linguistic Programming, Pain and Pleasure Associations, remember the best pain and pleasure associations are heaven and hell.
Remember, Allah SWT has made this test for you because HE KNOWS that you can beat it, and he is rooting for you all the way! Increase your connection to him, and you will realize how meaningless the world is.
I’ll write some more on the psychology of the brain, from my limited understanding.
aj
October 12, 2010 at 9:41 PM
umm he already said it has nothing to do with childhood or anything.
maybe you cannot accept that this is how he feels and this may be how he is born. this maybe from Allah swt
Conviction2Change
April 16, 2009 at 12:22 AM
Salam my dear brothers and sisters,
I know brothers Rasheed and Taleb Haq has given very good replies to a few upset comments and I would just like to expand on them, especially a couple directed towards me.
Dear ALGEBRA, may Allah reward you for being so caring of your fellow brothers and sisters in advising them to stay on the Straight Path. We need more Muslims in our Ummah such as yourself. I would like to clarify though for you a few misconceptions you may have about what brothers and sisters like myself have been trying to say in these comments. Acting upon SSA is no doubt a grave sin. I hope no one here has been saying otherwise. I know I haven’t and neither have any of the brothers or sisters from our Straight Struggle group. The benefits of having an online support group are as such:
1. Since SSA is our weakness and the group has others with the same weakness, communicating online in an open environment with nearly 300 Muslims devoted to seeking change in their lives for no reason other than to please Allah.
2. As someone else has mentioned – we truly have no where else to go. We feel isolated, alone, thrown aside, and as if our dear (straight) Muslim brothers and sisters do not care for us. Alhamdulilah, Allah guided me to finding straight Muslims who are supportive of me in my struggle, but there are plenty of brothers and sisters still striving with SSA that do not have this kind of support.
3. It is a complete Islamic environment. This group is not like groups created by homosexual-affirming Muslim organizations like Al-Fatiha. This group was not created to tell Muslims “it’s OK to feel this way” but to tell them “Do you want to change? There IS a way.”
The very fact that we are even joining this support group shows EXACTLY what you are stating: We are making a change in our hearts. We are telling ourselves that we will no longer give in to the ways of Iblees and we will struggle against it until we are beneath the earth. We will find our way to Jannah through this struggle. We will please Allah and no whispers will stop us.
Dear bahader, may Allah reward you for your advice. Thank you. To clarify a little part of my previous post I would like to say that I did not begin feeling this way after my bad internet addiction habits began. I have had these feelings since I was the age of 6, at which point I had not committed any sins but other things had happened in my life which caused me to begin feeling this way. (That is a story for another day though.) My internet addiction problems started much, much later in my life when I thought there was “no way out” of these attractions. I was dead wrong. I am happy Allah showed me that. Also, I did stop my bad habits a few months after they had started so I no longer do them and will never go back to them. I would also like to mention that I do not view what is happening in my life as a punishment. I will not be in despair over this. Allah had His reasons for testing me in this way and I trust He kind of knows what He is doing up there. :)
Dear brother Ibn Mikdad, thank you for that clarification. Homosexuality is not being tolerated in this discussion as far as I can see. We are all denouncing the sin in the name of Islam. May Allah be pleased with us all.
Dear brother Tahir, thank you for your advice as well. You are right in that we should not talk about it beyond necessity, however the brothers and sisters in these comments who do deal with SSA are just trying to say… it doesn’t get talked about at all in the public sphere! We would just like to raise a little bit of awareness, set the record straight, and show our fellow Muslims that we are all Muslims with different struggles. We must all strive for the sake of Allah and keep away from sin as He has commanded. You are also right in that praying, reading Qur’an, performing Hajj, getting married, all of these things are a step in the right direction, however we cannot rely solely on these activities. Change starts in the heart and proliferates from there throughout the body, mind, and soul. Every action is but by intention.
Dear Sister: No nonsense, Please!, thank you also for your care and concern for your brothers and sisters. I, for one, do appreciate that from you. I skimmed your posts and one thing that really jumped out at me and I do find it just a tad bit offensive and I think other brothers and sisters do as well… is calling us “homo-Muslims.” I am sorry for being picky. I just abhor being called anything except a Muslimah. I don’t like anything being written before the word Muslim, especially something that relates back to one who commits the sin of homosexuality. A Muslim is one who submits to the will of God. By turning away from our desires for the same sex, we are submitting to the will of Allah as He has so stated in the Glorious Quran. So let’s all just keep that in mind for future reference. Again, I mean no disrespect to you, just some friendly advice. Thank you for your efforts.
Dear MBloggerer, thank you for the compliment and support.
Dear brother Amad, thank you for your support and explanations. We highly appreciate it. (While I have the opportunity to do so here, I would also like to say I’ve always been a fan of your writings and your efforts with this blog. Keep up the great work!) May Allah make you successful in all that you do for Him.
Salam,
Your sister with a conviction to change
conviction2change@gmail.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
AsimG
April 16, 2009 at 12:30 AM
Asalaamu Alaykum,
I apologize sister no nonsense, did not want everyone to jump on you, your points are more than valid.
One thing we can definitely take away from this is the need for Muslim counselors. I know of 1 who has helped other Muslims with these urges, but should would probably lose her license if what she did was known to where she works because officially homosexuality is “normal”.
AsimG
April 16, 2009 at 12:37 AM
^
One thing to add to sisterconvicted to change. Awesome brothers and sisters like her UNDERSTAND the situation better than most because they went through it.
And when they get over the major hurdle they want to help others. Time and again you will see former alcholics and drug addicts talking to those still addicted and inviting them to AA meetings.
Does that mean they enjoy the environment and condone the sin?
Absolutely not.
They just want to make it easier for their brothers and sisters and they should be commended.
There are risks and precautions must be taken, but alhamdillah they are well-aware of this.
(I.e. you will not likely see an SSA get together)
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 12:45 AM
PURELY PSYCHOLOGICAL POST AFTER THE FIRST BOLDED PARAGRAPH
I think the comments have concluded that we are in a consensus that homosexual desire is a test, and itself is not haram, but the action itself IS haram. Now we need to focus on SOLUTIONS, because the brothers/sisters who need help haven’t really gotten many SOLUTIONS from the comments section, and i think more than anything muslimmatters needs to follow this article up with some well thought and researched solutions, because that is what our struggling brothers and sisters need.
I truly believe that some study in psychology can help us determine some solutions. The study of psychology and brain science am specifically talking about is NEUROPLASTICITY.
NEUROPLASTICITY : neuro – meaning brain nerves, plastic – something that has a shape or arrangement that can be manipulated or changed, like in “plastic surgery”
Basically it means that we can re-arrange the wiring of our brains, which includes the part of the brain dedicated to sexual thoughts and desires. This basically means that there is also such a thing as SEXUAL PLASTICITY. That is the ability to re-wire our brains to change our sexual desires from perverse desires to natural and normal desires.
there isn’t much validity of a comment on muslimmatters, so I will give the link to the actual book where you learn all of this from, and read directly off of Google Books:
The name of the book is called The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, you have to read this to understand what I’m talking about, or atleast Chapter 4 talking about Sexual Plasticity. Therein the author relates how patients successfully re-wired their sexual preferences (although nothing about homosexuality, which to me is the same principle)
There is a principle in brain science that states : Neurons that fire apart, wire apart, and Neurons that fire together, wire together,
What it means is that if you take two unrelated external stimuli, and repeat them together at the exact same time, the neurons that fire for those stimuli, fire together, so they “wire together”. In other words, when one is stimulated, the other one also fires. The best example of this is Pavlov’s dogs, where Pavlov would blow a whistle repeatedly while feeding his dogs at the exact same time. He did it so many times that eventually when he blew his whistle the dogs’ mouths would still salivate, without them having been served food.
In the same way two unrelated things that happen at the same time over and over again from early childhood can “wire” certain kinds of sexual desires into your brain. Homosexuality is NOT the only kind of sexual perversion, there are fetishes, incestuous desires, affiliation of pain and torture with sex, the desires for child molestation, astakhfirullah, some people even have a desire for people who have made surgeries to have both male and female reproductive parts. And I’m sorry i have to say all of these, matter of fact, i changed my name so you don’t know who this is, because I feel so uncomfortable saying this, but as you can see there are HUGE amounts of sexual perversions, and it is the result of a society where sex has invaded every part of our lives, polluting the relations between close family members, the relationships between teachers and students, and the list goes on.
If a male has had a physically abusive mother in childhood, for example, that male may associate from an early age emotional intimacy with pain and violence. This early wiring of the brain leads to a man who in his adult life enjoys violent and painful sex, because of the early childhood wiring of the brain. Similar conclusions can be made for people with homosexual desires.
AbdulRahman
April 16, 2009 at 12:47 AM
What I’d like to do is applaud my brothers and sisters for maintaining their calm and composure against all the accusations. I was going to comment to Sheikh Yasir to feel calm because I wondered if he might be as aggravated as I was by the comments. Anyways, all praise is to Allah!
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 12:49 AM
http://books.google.ca/books?id=XvPHiN61mg4C&pg=PA95&lpg=PA95&dq=sexual+plasticity&source=bl&ots=mtlF1p6ADh&sig=reNCwZB8cccv7B3SJncbWOPUAsE&hl=en&ei=8LLmScfoH5XItgf5-sSWBg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8#PPA93,M1
For some reason, the link to the book didn’t show up in the last post
Pingback: Gay Muslims « Traditional Rebel
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 1:20 AM
If you read the pages in the link i posted, (there may be a few missing it’s only a Google preview), you’ll see that with self-examination, and discipline people can discard sexual perversions, and people HAVE discarded sexual perversions.
IN PRINCIPLE, discarding homosexual thoughts, or any perverse thoughts for that matter, really is the same as discarding a heroine addiction, or replacing junk food with healthy food in your diet, or having the thirst to kill people and then becoming a peaceful person, the point is, it’s possible. But you have to understand WHY your brain is wired in such a way, so that you can understand how to RE-WIRE your brain towards heterosexual thoughts.
Now I’m going to feel very uncomfortable saying some of the following, but I hope it will help.
For those struggling, you also need to be able to associate pain with the desires you have.
Read lots of quranic tafsir about hellfire, and associate the pain of hellfire with these desires.
concentrate on the fact that homosexual relations will never grant you children, who can be the joy of your lives.
Concentrate on the fact that there is no such thing as real sex between same-sex people. A man has a penis, and a woman has a vagina. Ughh – I said it. Those two can only fit into each other physically, biologically, and for reproductive reasons. They both are sensitive for a reason, and – ugh – they both are “shaped” for eachother – ugh – It doesn’t make sense to move those around into other places – Ughh – because that no loner defines what sex actually is by scientific definition, which i am not going to elaborate on, because I am already too uncomfortable. Therefore – it just doesn’t make sense!!! And therefore, you can’t have real sexual satisfaction with same-sex partners.
Most important, realze that you are NOT alone, that Allah is ALWAYS with you, and we all have our tests, you aren’t special, for some its pride, for some its shirk, for some its stealing, for some its drinking, for some its gambling, for some its killing, for some its tv, for some its video games, for some its fancy clothes, and yes for some it is perverse sexual desires.
These are all attachments to the dunya, feeding tubes towards the nafs, the animal within, we must crush the animal within, the nafs, by de-attaching ourselves from the dunya in ALL areas of temptation. And when your heart has been severed from these chains of temptations, Allah will come pouring in, because your heart cannot remain a vacuum.
My Duas are With You
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 1:35 AM
Also There is a hadith that mentions for young people afraid of committing fornication, fasting is a prescription.
Also I recommend listening to this talk by Shaykh HusainAbdul Sattar on preventing and conquering sin:
http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/general/2007/lasting_effects.m3u
http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/general/2007/lasting_effects.mp3
It’s the concluding talk before the end of Ramadan in 2007 so the first bit is on Preventing Sin, the rest of it is a huge dua with lots of weeping, because it is the end of Ramadan.
for those who don’t want to listen (you’re making a big mistake), the shaykh mentions 4 ways of preventing and conquering sin:
1) Don’t go near an environment that will inspire the acting out of the sin
( Allah SWT didn’t tell Adam Alayhi Salaam to not eat from the tree, no, he told him not to go NEAR THE TREE!)
2) Keep busy. Schedule your day in such a way, that sinful thoughts can’t even enter your mind. Focus on your work, take extra classes, etc. just don’t sit from Fajr to Isha.
3) Know Allah Subhanuatala is ALWAYS WATCHING YOU, keep that in your mind at all times, writes notes reminding you and stick it in your pocket, wallet, computer monitor, etc., just know he is watching you, and you won’t want to think these thoughts.
4) Perform a good deed, after you sin – When you sin, Allah Subhanuatala opens the door for you to do an even worse sin, to spiral down a terrible road of increasingly evil sins. Whenever you have weird thoughts in your mind, read Quran, or give sadaqah, to cleanse yourself, and to train your mind to think good clean thoughts, and to eliminate the bad thoughts.
I’ve said enough.
Assalamuaalykum Wah rahmatullahi wah Barakatuh.
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 16, 2009 at 1:39 AM
I was referring to the international homo-Muslims who were supposedly a part of that movie. I didn’t watch it so I don’t really know if the people in there actually engage in homo-behavior or they simply have waswasas. I wasn’t referring to the Muslims who are trying to rid themselves of these waswasas.
I will not apologize or be more careful in the future as there is no guilt involved.
You are very welcome!
Walaykum as-salaam,
I don’t feel jumped on. I just feel very sorry for some people here.
And just so we’re clear, in my earlier comment, by commom commentators, I meant people who accuse and argue without truly understanding what was said.
Seriously, if we are looking for real solutions, we should consider hiring Taqwa-rich individuals for some Shaytan-scaring therapy. We need some REAL MEN like Umar (ra), whose presence would re-wire the fitrah neurons in waswasah’d (def: full of waswasas) brains and shiver that shaytan out of the head!
This thread should be locked until such men are found.
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 1:41 AM
I also recommend books on Neuro Linguistic Programming, and Pain and pleasure Associations, I especially recommend Anthony Robbins ” Awake The Giant Within” book
anonymous
April 16, 2009 at 2:35 AM
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,
For the bros who have this problem, I have a simple suggestion: Get married, try being with a woman.
I’m going to assume that most of these brothers, at least seemingly pious ones such as the people who commented and admitted having this problem, have never been with a woman. For those brothers, I say: give it a shot. It’s the only alternative you have to celibacy anyway, so it’s not like there’s a choice in the matter. I’m willing to bet that these brothers will instantly turn straight. They’re frustrated with their sexuality because they’ve never been sexually active to begin with, so I’m pretty sure that the vast majority of Muslims who have this problem will be cure simply by being sexually active with a wife. This is a natural relief from this sexual frustration.
This is my sincere advice, and may Allah cure all of you.
ibnkhalil
April 16, 2009 at 2:38 AM
Assalam o alaykum Shaykh Yasir for this post.
I have a few questions.
a. We said that the act constitutes a sin.But don’t evil thoughts count towards sin? Like thinking evil about Islam and Muslims. Can an analogy be made for homosexuality?
b. As we said, doesn’t the fact that allowing homosexual urges, but not acting on them, open up the door, encourage and ease the situation for people suffering from this problem to take a lax attitude towards it and give some leeway to the sin? Like making it popular amongst us that “Its ok to be homosexual just so long as you don’t act on it.” Did that make sense?
JazakAllah khair
wasalam o alaykum wa rahmatullah
anonymous sister
April 16, 2009 at 2:51 AM
salaam,
I had an important question:
1) If we know that a sister or a few sisters in our community are homosexuals or bisexual, how are we supposed to protect ourselves in female-only, non-pardah settings (Ex: a women only party or bridal shower)? Would we have to wear hijab in front of them?
If yes, then on one hand, why should we have to wear hijab to an all girls party because of a few sisters living in fitnah? what if the host doesn’t know about these sisters’ sexual orientation? do we have a right to inform her, so they are not invited? but then again, why should we look like the bad ones, telling the host who to and who not to invite, its not like were the ones that are causing the homosexual problems. Isnt the reason why we segregate ourselves, and have these type of female-only events, is so we can freely enjoy each others company while dressing up and looking the part? Why should we have to forego our right to dressing up and looking good amongst our peers because of a few people out of a hundred that are ruining it for us? Are we supposed to consider them as “guys” or the “opposite gender” in regards to the hijab? since the purpose of the hijab is to conceal our beauty, and if we display our beauty in front of these homosexual sisters, and our ability to look good gives them illicit thoughts, are we held accountable?
and if not, then isn’t it just horrific knowing that someone of the same gender could be having inappropriate thoughts about us?
Please reply asap.
Jazakallah Khair
Conviction2Change
April 16, 2009 at 3:57 AM
Wasalam dear annoyed sister :)
These are very good questions! I am not going to give you the Islamic perspective because I have not properly researched this in full yet. I’m working on it. However, I’ll just give you my perspective as someone on the other side of the fence. I hope it still helps you until you find proper Islamic information.
I know that our wonderful religion says that even amongst women, we still have an awrah that we must cover and we should not flaunt ourselves. I think it is sufficient for you sisters to dress appropriately and be able to take off your scarves in these type of settings. It is unfair that you not enjoy your functions due to a select few.
At the same time, I warn you to please not reveal the identities of these sisters to the host. These are still your sister in Islam and it is your duty to protect their honor as you would wish them to protect yours. For all you know, some of them are sincerely struggling. From personal experience, it is very hurtful to be condemned despite the fact that you do not commit any sins. But let’s say these sisters do commit sins (may Allah forgive them), in such a case it is still your duty as a Muslim to conceal their sins as you would want Allah to conceal yours on the Day of Resurrection. If I were in your shoes, I would reveal this information to the host only if you knew that these sisters come to functions like this to interact with the other girls inappropriately. But even so, please do so in the highest amount of confidence and make a trust with the host that neither one of you will spread this information to others. It is not something that should be talked about or needs to be talked about in the public sphere.
As a sister that does deal with this on a daily basis and attends functions like the one you’re describing, my personal advice is to dress good but still be modest. For example, cover your awrah, don’t show too much unnecessary skin. Our beauty, at the end of the day, is for our husbands. It is not for these parties or our friends or the mothers of brothers in the community (lol). So the point is to always conceal your beauty to some extent when you’re not with your husband.
Also, Allah does not hold anyone accountable for their thoughts. Our actions are what Allah punishes for. So let’s say that a sister did wear something that caught the attention of a sister attracted to the same sex and has a few fleeting thoughts. Neither sister did anything wrong because the first sister’s intention was not to cause this problem for the second sister. The second sister, although she should suppress her thoughts as much as possible, did not act upon her desire. Both are safe. The second sister should also at this point lower her gaze from that sister and avoid her.
Another VERY, VERY important part of SSA is that it is based off of emotional complications. I can almost guarantee you that if the second sister approaches the first sister, gets to talking, realizes she is not an object, but a wonderful human being, then she will no longer be attracted to her. It works out like that for several Muslim brothers and sisters who struggle with SSA that I have spoken to. Of course, there is some level of risk involved in this too. We should always judge our characters the best we can and be mindful of Allah and fear Him.
You honestly cannot control another’s thoughts. I’m sure a few guys every day think about you. I know that’s disturbing to think of, but it is true. It isn’t necessarily disgusting. It happens naturally and it is something we all need to learn to live with. Men will think of women, women will think of men, and so on. I advise you to just not dwell on it too much (you’ll go crazy!) and give your Muslim sisters the benefit of the doubt and try to not be grossed out by them too much. We try and we often succeed. Think of us the same way you would want to be thought of yourself.
I would like to end with saying that I’m very happy to see that some sisters out there like yourself actually are concerned with the way they dress at these type of events. I noticed most sisters I know do not care at all even though they know these type of things exist. I’m glad you’re really taking your sisters into consideration. May Allah help you do what is best.
Salam,
Your sister with a conviction to change
conviction2change@gmail.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
http://www.gaymuslims.wordpress.com
Amad
April 16, 2009 at 8:21 AM
I know this has been mentioned several times, but I absolutely agree that joining a self-help group with other people with similar issues (cured and uncured) can only help. It is ludicrous to think that this is bad because it opens up some strange opportunity for people to find “forbidden love”. I mean, if people are interested in that, why go through all this trouble… they can just check out local personals or join horrible orgs such as al-fitrah, etc. It isn’t any less haraam to do this act with a Muslim! In fact, I reckon those who really wanted to do it, would find it easier on their souls and “culture” to do it with non-Muslims. Sorry for making what seems such obvious points… just a little annoying. Here is group info again (I’ll add it to the post too):
conviction2change@gmail.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
P.S. jazakAllahkhair Green Child… your comments are REALLY in line with the spirit of this post. Keep the good stuff coming.
ALGEBRA
April 16, 2009 at 4:02 AM
@Green Child said:
I also recommend books on Neuro Linguistic Programming, and Pain and pleasure Associations, I especially recommend Anthony Robbins ” Awake The Giant Within” book
BTW i have read every book of Anthony Robbins and listened to his tapes when they came out in 1993 and also read books on Neuroplasticity………………. and i can say without a doubt…………………..reading the QURAN has helped ME again and again MORE THAN ANY OF THOSE BOOKS MASHALLAH………………………
SERIOUSLY LISTEN TO THE QURAN……………….
READ SURAH BAKARAH(RA) AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN…………..
look at BANI-israel’s example………………….Allah gave them mann salwa and they wanted (lentils)
Allah has given us men and women for each other and some of us want something that is lesser………………… we have to learn from them
seriously…………..reading surah bakarah helps one to realize to be grateful and also realize to pray from Allah to not make us the ones that can read the quran and getting nothing out it……………… and that can happen as well and that is scary as hell…………….just that thought is scary as hell…………..seriously……………read it every day.
salam
ALGEBRA
April 16, 2009 at 4:39 AM
Aslamu-alaikum:
@annoyed sister
I can relate to you sister. There was a sister in our community who had lesbian thoughts and she would discuss with my daughter and other girls in the community via the FACE BOOK and my daughter told me about her. I was mortified and i explained to my daughter that i would prefer that she stay away from her at all costs. My daughter, thank ALLAH, was very very objective about it MASHALLAH. My daughter did bring up the fact that she is MUSLIM. I explained to her that she is MUSLIM but I would like you to be around friends that bring you closer to ISLAM. WE ARE ASKED TO CHOOSE GOOD FRIENDS THAT WILL ENCOURAGE US TO DO BETTER AND THE STANDARDS SHOULD ALWAYS BE HIGHER. I really haven’t told any of the other mothers about this girl at all because i didn’t see her do anything with my own eyes, BUT told my daughter to stay away……………. i think i need to have more sympathy for my daughter and her upbringing is more of a HIGHER RESPONSIBILITY on ME than the niceties of dealing with the girl in the community……………….
Its just sometimes i have thought about telling the other mothers but i have abstained due to being in the wrong by telling them. That has been bothering me but i just have left that. I am soooooooooooo THANKFUL to ALLAH that my daughter came to me and discussed it openly and did not feel like she couldn’t trust me but it can make a mother very very weary of girls as well and that can be really an inconvenience for women gatherings…………..
salam
tahir
April 16, 2009 at 7:02 AM
ref anonymous sister:
when in front of women who are not your family it is advisable in any circumstance to cover your self as you would for mehrams, that is you can leave your hands, feets and face uncovered.
lots of ppl think that it is ok to wear skimpy clothes in front of women, like skirts or tank tops , this is not permissible.
then there is the case that where non muslims women are present it is better to do full purdah (cover the face also)
there have been women in history so righteous, like in the the pre partition days Sir Syed Ahmed Khan’s wife met a british colonels wife from a behind a curtain and did not come in front of her. similarly we hear that once a king’s wife was ill and they could find a female muslim doctor to cure her they said there is a christian lady doctor, she inquired “does she drink?” they said ” yes” she said ” then i wont allow her near me.”
so summing up its not your fault if some muslim women have these thoughts when you are around, you are in no way liable for their thoughts and actions. but it is advisable that you take proper hijab in front of women.
Amad
April 16, 2009 at 8:12 AM
Regarding awrah between women, I have never heard that it changes because the other woman’s orientation. I mean this seems to me, an exaggerated reaction and clearly burdensome (are sisters going to check which woman is “straight” and which is not before taking hijabs off?). But clearly worth questioning the Shayookh on, as “seems to me” is clearly not a fiqh position :) The only thing I have heard is that if you are afraid that someone may describe you outside, then you should be careful.
Br. Tahir, with all due respect, I think we should consult the Shayookh in these fiqhi matters. So, I’d like to ask a Shaykh’s opinion on this issue.
re women's awrah
April 16, 2009 at 8:06 AM
when in front of women who are not your family it is advisable in any circumstance to cover your self as you would for mehrams, that is you can leave your hands, feets and face uncovered???
In giving advice one should give evidence of what they are saying.
Allah says:
And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.
The areas of adornment, as stated by the scholars of Islam, are the arms (excluding the shoulders/armpits) legs up to the shin, neck, hair. The rest of the body should be covered and obscured by loose clothes.
Muslim women/men who have homosexual tendencies are not homosexual. It is haram to alienate them, slander them, etc. That only worsens the problem. However if you see that from a sister that makes you feel uncomfortable uncovering in front of her, then that’s your call. However, you should try to talk to her/help her in any way if you are able to do so. Try to develop a more understanding attitude toward the problems faced by some of your sisters/brothers instead of being merely annoyed.
Also, bridal showers are an unIslamic custom. It is precisely this habit of adopting the customs/attitudes of the kufaar that land us into the pit we have found ourselves in today.
tahir
April 16, 2009 at 8:33 AM
yes you are right there should be quotes here because these days ppl tend to think everyone is making up stories.
i will ask the mufti who i study with to give me links which i will post. but what i wrote is based on things i have heard learned men say. Again i do admit that there may be loose ends which need to be tied and one must be careful in the future.. so ignore my comment till i quote you the proper ref point.
jazak-allah.
umA
April 16, 2009 at 10:26 AM
JazakAllah khayr for this timely post. It was just yesterday that this issue was brought up in my family. In our case we see highschoolers who receive pro gay messages via the media or even at school and don’t know what to think. The other blog, ‘eye on gay muslims’ gave a nice accessible summary in its ‘about’ section on what to say to fellow Muslims who are confused about the issue.
http://gaymuslims.wordpress.com/about/
Yasir Qadhi
April 16, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Salaam
Re women covering in front of others, the Shariah would not require one to go out of one’s way to ‘find out’ whether someone has certain tendencies or not. Rather to do so would be extremism. Also, if it is known that someone does have SSA, in and of itself it would not require that other women (if its a woman involved) wear full hijab. Really the only case this would be required is one in which it is well known or at least presumed based upon some past experience that a specific person will do something inappropriate. The beauty of our religion is that we don’t base rulings on mere feelings or suspicion, and it is not our job to ‘open up’ people’s hearts and see what plagues them.
I believe Sr. Conviction@Change says it best when she says to act normal and Islamic around people and that should be sufficient for our daily lives.
Yasir
PS – It goes without saying that wearing extremely tight clothing, especially around the awrah areas, is haram anyway, even around people of the same gender, regardless of whether a specific person has SSA or not.
ALGEBRA
April 16, 2009 at 11:29 AM
SHAYK YASIR
Aslamu-alaikum:
You forgot to answer @ibnkhalil’s questions. I would really appreciate it if you would answer his questions
thank you
salam
Sister: No nonsense, Please!
April 16, 2009 at 11:48 AM
-Comment Removed
Sister: as an editorial decision, this thread is closed to your comments. We appreciate how you feel about this issue, but believe that it is no longer constructive to argue down this road. You may disagree with this and you have a right to. But we have to go by what we as a shura believe. We apologize for any hard feelings that this may cause you.
anonymous
April 16, 2009 at 1:49 PM
Thank goodness she was finally stopped! I was about to stop reading the thread due to her NONSENSE (no pun intended lol)
fshareef
April 16, 2009 at 3:21 PM
@ Sister: No nonsense, Please!: in re your comment –
why someone would act against their fitrah is a completely psychological question. whether it’s regarding social behavior (doing good deeds, committing sins) or personal beliefs (islam, kufr, shirk, nifaq), the fitrah is the psychological norm, according to islam. deviations from the fitrah – or as you pointed, the anti-fitrah – have always been studied with regards to personal beliefs, and they continue to be studied in islamic circles to great depth. with regards to social behavior, deviations from the fitrah have been studied by many scholars. however, over the past couple centuries of students of knowledge and “lay-muslims”, there has been an overwhelming emphasis on deviations from the fitrah in regards to personal beliefs. this lack of consideration for deviations from the fitrah in regards to social behavior may have led to the proliferation of sins in muslim lands that we find today.
so, in “relaxing” from developing methods of prevention of fitrah-deviant behavior, one would be going against the motto of the Best Nation:
Celibate_Guy
April 16, 2009 at 4:40 PM
Assalamo Alykom My Brothers and Sisters
Thank you for your comments and may Allah SWT rewards you.
First of all I am a guy with SSA “Same Sex Attraction”.You call it Homosexuality.I am 26 years old and Allhamdullah I have EVER NEVER committed any homosexual acts.I have homosexual temptations since my very early childhood,may be since the age of 4 years old.
Actually I miss here the psychological explanation of homosexuality and why someone have these desires.
I would like to refer to some websites which deal with the homosexuality as a psychological problem
National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality
http://www.narth.com
This is an excellent website talking about SSA”homosexuality” in a very simple langauge
http://www.samesexattraction.org
This is another websites features the stories of ex gay men who could leave homosexuality by both psychological therapy and faith.
http://www.peoplecanchange.com
Brother Tahir
Please contact me via email
celibate.gay25@yahoo.com
Thank you all
Salam
Green Child
April 16, 2009 at 4:50 PM
@ Algebra
You’re absolutely right, there is no substitution for the word of Allah Subhanuatala, but these types of books do help you understand the way our minds work, and therefore can be beneficial to us. But again, there is no alternative to the Quran.
Celibate_Guy
April 16, 2009 at 4:52 PM
I would like to discuss causes of homosexuality as I understand from my readings about homosexuality.
Many professionals think that homosexuality is caused by multiple factors combine together to cause someone to develop homosexual orientation.These factors are categorized as:
1-Biological factors. we shold know that this is a very controversial issue as many people think genes and brain structure can make you gay or straight while many other professionals think that biology has nothing to do with our sexuality but there are some other biofactors that play a “role” in making someone “to be ready” to develop homosexual tendencies “i.e.prenatal hormones during pregnancy is a well accepted theory by many psychotherapists.”
2-Social and environmental factors.Like father- son relationship and mother- son relationship,relationships with bro and sis and peers.
3-Sexual abuse
You can read more about these factors in the above websites which I sent in a previous post and also if you followed this link
http://www.samesexattraction.org/development.htm
Ahmed
October 29, 2010 at 10:50 AM
What a disgusting generalization!
There are brothers and sisters who grow up in the same family with same upbringing but ended up having different sexual orientations.
Homosexuality is just a part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality. Every gay men or women has exactly the same capacity to be happy and productive as human beings just like their heterosexual counterparts. Homosexuality is not an obstacle to happiness. Homophobia is.
It is precisely this homophobia that is so pervasive in Islam that makes life so difficult for and destroys the lives of many gay muslims.
Celibate_Guy
April 16, 2009 at 4:57 PM
This a very good website about Same Sex Atraction and its causes
http://www.peoplecanchange.com/Root_Problems.htm
student
April 16, 2009 at 6:58 PM
This isn’t a very central point, but on the difference (in punishment and gravity of the sin) between lesbian acts and sodomy, it isn’t clear to me from some of the links and points mentioned above that maintaining this distinction is anything based on anything but cultural understandings of sexuality. For example, DE says:
[Apologies for being somewhat graphic, but…] Well, what constitutes penetration? If it is of one sexual organ into another, than only heterosexual relations involve penetration. If you broaden the definition of penetration, it applies to both male and female homosexual acts. But it seems that what is really at play here (in believing sodomy to be worse than lesbian acts) is some cultural aversion to the notion of a man being penetrated. The textual proofs do not (as far as I can see) provide much grounds for the distinction otherwise.
A1K
April 16, 2009 at 8:22 PM
Perhaps you are aware that Ibn al-Qayyim rahimahullah has dealt in some detail with what I would like to term the psychological motivations behind homosexuality – indeed sexual addictions in general – in a few of his books.
The first book is al-Jawab ul-Kafi (also known as ad-Daa wad-Dawaa). The book begins with a question posed by a troubled soul. Ibn al-Qayyim is asked by an individual how can he rid himself of a particular sin which he finds himself drawn to over and over. Ibn al-Qayyim begins with a discussion on du’a and then proceeds to discuss sin in general pointing out the many evil effects of sins. It is only toward the end of the book that Ibn al-Qayyim alludes that perhaps the sin in question is that of homosexuality. He then provides a psychological analysis of homosexuality and how one may cure himself from that specific sin. In summary, Ibn al-Qayyim’s thesis is that this sin is caused due to a lack of tawheed whereby love of an image (in this case the male form) has occupied the heart instead of love of Allah which results from knowledge of His Names and Attributes.
The second book by Ibn al-Qayyim that i would like to direct you to is Igathatu-lahfan. This book addresses the various snares and tricks of satan. However, it is prefaced with a discussion of the human heart’s various manifestations: healthy, diseased and dead. In one paragraph Ibn al-Qayyim addresses the question of homosexuality, can health be restored to the heart after its practise? Or is the sin so ruinous to the fitrah that it is inconceivable that a person could repent and recover from it? Ibn al-Qayyim observes that while the sin is indeed so ruinous to the fitrah that repentance and restoration of the heart’s health is a very difficult task; however, with Allah’s assistance anything is achievable.
The third book is Ibn al-Qayyim’s treatise on love: Rawdatul-Muhibbeen where he discusses the nature of love in general. It is my belief that if one was to read this book carefully one could construct a theory – an Islamic one – on addictions in general and sexual addictions in particular.
Two more books by Ibn al-Qayyim that need to be pointed out: Zaad ul-Ma’ad in the section on the guidance of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam regarding medicine, Ibn al-Qayyim makes an interesting remark on sexual deviation – and intercourse with women. Ibn al-Qayyim says that those who engage in this practise can be “picked out” by changes in their appearance due to this sin! In other words, as this sin goes against the fitrah (the inner nature), it results in a change in the outer physical nature of those who perform it.
The second book is Shifaa ul-Aleel. In one chapter Ibn al-Qayyim discusses how Allah has guided each creature to its needs. He then points out the various forms of guidance given to ants, bees, etc. When discussing the guidance given to pigeons, Ibn al-Qayyim remarks that among animals pigeons resemble human beings the most in their sexual behaviours and preferences. He states that there are those female pigeons who remain faithful to their mates while others allow any male pigeon to have sex with them. He even says there are “lesbian” and “homosexual” pigeons!
I am not sure if this is all ovservable among pigeons or not, but i do recollect coming across a book years ago I believe the title was Exhuberance) which discussed homosexual behaviours among animals. Whether it mentioned pigeons or not I don’t recall. So there are five references by Ibn al-Qayyim on the issue of homosexuality.
There are two other books on sexual behaviour from an Islamic perspective that you may find useful. One is by Ibn Hazm called Tawq ul-Hama which has been translated by Arberry with the title of “The Ring of the Dove”. In it Ibn Hazm discusses various aspects of the emotion of love. The second book is part of al-Ghazzali’s Ihya Ulum ud-Din rahimahullah. It is the Book of Breaking the Two Desires (being the stomach and the private parts). It is available in English from the Islamic Texts Society as you may be aware.
UmmeAmmaarah
April 17, 2009 at 12:47 AM
WOW! MashaAllah…what a response, and JazakAllahu Khair Sheikh Yasir for addressing this issue…. I have always wondered what Islamic rulings are about such issues, especially, as being a student of medicine, I came across so many gender disorders, and wondered how difficult their lives must be, what they must go through everyday…
All i can say is that Allah will test people in different ways, and no doubt, some must be really inclined in different ways, but there’s no doubt that this ‘sexual explosion’ around us is contributing majorly to the problem….. just today my friend was telling me that as part of a reading programme, her fourth-grader came home with two books – one about how ‘normal’ a lesbian ‘family’ is, and the other about ‘Valentine’s Day’. I know for a fact that as a kid, even watching something like an on-screen kiss would make us squirm in our seats, but shameful as it is, now I guess I could probably sit with my mom and ‘not squirm as much’……. I know for a fact that fiction shaped all my beliefs of what ‘love’, and ‘sex’, and ‘marriage’ should be like…..and honestly, may Allah Ta’Ala help us all and make us of the muttaqoon, but seeing teenagers kiss on kerb, sexually explicit adverts, no longer does anything to me….just nothing…it’s that normal! and honestly, i dunno how real/how much of a conspiracy theory this is, but it’s been said by a lot of places that the reason that such explosion of sexuality is being promoted is so that people become so miserable in their personal lives, that they have no time to take a peek out of their complicated and emotionally wrecked lives to actually see what’s going on in the world around them…wallahu aalam.
May Allah Ta’Ala help those of us in every kind of misery, sexual or otherwise….whether it be same-sex attraction, no attraction or excesses of it, in marriages and outside of it…..
A1K
April 17, 2009 at 2:35 AM
Of course i should not leave out – indeed it would have been more proper to begin with this – those verses in the Qur’an which discuss the of people of Lut alaihis-salaam. One ayah which comes to mind … is Allah’s statement:
“Verily, by your life (O Prophet) in their **intoxication** they are blinded.” [15:72]
I wonder if there are any neurological studies done that show if the same areas of the brain that motivate substance abuse also motivate sexual addictions and in particular homosexuality? I believe i read something about the same ‘pleasure’ neurotransmitter being released during sex as well as intoxication. But i’m looking for something more specific actually: brain sites being triggered. Perhaps Umme Amaarah or others from a medical background can comment?
Ibn Mikdad
April 17, 2009 at 5:16 AM
While we are at it, would someone from MM staff care to write an article about Western hypocrisy with regards to female circumcision? I say this because there exist in the West a surgical procedure called “hoodectomy” or “clitoral unhooding”; it is incerasingly gaining popularity among the women in the West since it improves their love life and prevents certain genital infection. The catch is, IT IS THE ENTIRELY THE SAME PROCEDURE KNOW AS “FEMALE CLITORAL CIRCUMCISION” WHICH IS CONSIDERED BY SOME MUSLIM SCHOLARS TO BE A SUNNAH BUT FOR WHICH MUSLIMS ARE BEING MOCKED, ATTACKED, CRITICIZED AND CONSIDERED SAVAGE! An excerpt from a website dedicated to this procedure (http://www.clitoralunhooding.com/ warning: indecency on top of the page) :
“Clitoral Unhooding, also referred to as Hoodectomy, is a minor feminine genital surgical procedure to remove excess Prepuce tissue—the surrounding “hood” that sheaths the clitoral node on three sides… …Sometimes referred to as female clitoral circumcision, the Clitoral Unhooding procedure is somewhat analogous to penile circumcision in men, although male penile circumcision is still primarily performed from a perspective of genital hygiene. In women, however, Hoodectomy is done more commonly to allow women to experience heightened arousal, by reducing the tissue that forms the hood (Prepuce) covering the clitoris . . . almost always resulting in greater, faster orgasms. To some extent it has been suspected that excessive Prepuce tissue can also result in some hygiene-related issues as well for women, giving sanctuary to increased bacterial counts, and sometimes resulting in what are commonly termed “yeast” or vaginal infections from the close proximity to the vaginal canal.”
Ahmed Wazir
May 29, 2009 at 7:42 AM
I believe that Ibn Mikdad has raised a very pertinent point. I must confess that I was once an opponent of female circumcision as I was under a wrong impression that it involved removing the clitoris and was meant to reduce female sexual feeling. A reputed scholar has since cleared my doubts as to what is actually required in Islam ( that is the removal only of the prepuce of the clitoris) and its purpose (to enhance rather than reduce female sex feeling ) and I have since embraced the idea that it is good and necessary for our Muslim sisters. There is an interesting article on the Islamic view of this in http://www.geocities.com/hoodectomy which gives religious, health and sexological reasons as to why it should be done.
Salaams
Ahmed
tahir
April 17, 2009 at 6:53 AM
celibate-guy i think you need to contact some learned person that can answer your questions and help you deal with such issues.
i’m not at all well versed in such issues and contacting me would be a waste of time.
i pray that Allah strengthens your resolve in not acting on such instincts and that you get rid of these urges asap.
there is a dua for waswasa and i will scan it and mail to you, read that whenever you get such ideas and also reading
AMANTU BILLAHI WA ROOSALIHI
is prescribed when you are plagued by any vile thoughts
wasalam
Amad
April 17, 2009 at 8:35 AM
Tahir, “Celibate-guy” didn’t mean for you to contact him, rather Taahir (the person who had added a comment much earlier and who is dealing with this issue).
tahir
April 17, 2009 at 9:17 AM
well he wrote “tahir” not “taahir” hence the misunderstanding.
so celibate-guy please contact taahir.
UmmeAmmaarah
April 17, 2009 at 10:43 AM
a masnoon dua from The Fortress of the Muslim which i just love and hope will help everyone, no mater what their waswasaa is:
Allaahumma rahmatak’arjuu fa laa takilnee ilaa nafsee tarfata ayunin, wa aslih lee sha’nee kullahu, laa ilaaha illa Anta.
‘Oh our Lord, I beseech Your Mercy, and do not leave me to my nafs for the blink of an eye, and correct for me, all my affairs, there is no one worthy of worship, but You’
I consider this book ‘My little black book’, opening it up whenever i feel sad/happy…and making du’a from it gives my heart a lot of ‘sukoon’.
sequoia
April 17, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Very Interesting Discussion……
As someone who is coming closer and closer to Islam, I find this discussion very insightful.
my opinion (with absolutely no scholary work to back me up :))))))
i think it is absolutely great the people on this board who may not agree with the struggles these men have, but nonetheless are supportive to their struggles. We all commit sins, we all struggle with issues and can all do better in our daily lives. Those who look to understand and comfort people who are struggling do more help than sometimes they understand. I have never experienced an attraction to men but I sympatheize with those that go through this hardship. May everyone find peace in their heart and strive everyday to better themselves
Amad
April 17, 2009 at 3:08 PM
Sequoia, welcome back! You are one of our favorite commentators, and we miss your participation.
I think God keeps bringing you to Muslim Matters, so perhaps its a sign for you to be part of our matters too :) We are always available, by phone, email or any other means to assist you in answering any remaining questions or conflicts you may have about Islam. I recognize the need for careful thought and contemplation, but we all recognize that our end time is also written. So, don’t delay what you may already feel is inevitable :) You can reach me by emailing info at muslimmatters dot/org and I can reply or one of the converts can reply who may have more authority to understand your situation.
Take care, and PLEASE do not be a stranger.
Celibate_Guy
April 17, 2009 at 1:35 PM
Allhamdullah I could find some help here in my country.
I was talking with a canadian psychotherapist online for a long time and few days ago I visited a christian psychiatrist.
Actually I was aiming to help brother “Tahir” / “Taahir”.
N.B. some comments here about SSA “Same Sex Attraction” are completely wrong and I think those people who wrote it didn’t try to bother themselves by making sure of the reality of what they write and didn’t even tyr to search in Google for example to know if they really understand what homosexuality is.
Suppose there is a child or a teenager living in a place where “images” of naked men and women are displayed every where.
How can these images destroy his true sexuality and convert him to be “Gay”?
How can these images make him to be feminine in his behavior and to feminize his thoughts and sexual desires?
How can these images make him wish to have a sexual intercourse with another man and to be the negative partener during sex with the other man as if he was a female?
N.B. Allhamdullah I think that I love Allah SWT and his Prophet Muhammad.
N.B. I pray all the 5 prays since I was 13 years old.
N.B. I pray all the 5 prays everyday in Masjid since last summer.And of course before that I was praying them but at my home.
I think I am a good muslim Allhamdullah
I hope that some people here should bother themselves a little bit to read about homosexuality through professional websites and books by professionals.
Thank you
Abdul
May 27, 2012 at 7:42 PM
You know what i think God made people gay intentionally in order to test them as to whether they will obey him or their desires…simple as that
Abu Rumaisa
April 17, 2009 at 2:59 PM
I agree with this post…
Having lived in Saudi till I was 23 yrs, I don’t think segregation causes Saudi youth to be gay. There’s a significant minority of youth who indulge in this behaviour but I wouldn’t call them ‘gay’ as they go on to marry women and don’t get involved in such activities again. And if the same person gets a chance to indulge in fornication with a female, he does that rather than go with an another male.
Why do they indulge in such acts? It’s quite simple from my observation – they are not immune to the overtly sexual media.. with all these images in their head, their sexual desires are heightened and since for most young men access to a female for physical relationship is not easy (both halaal & Haraam – Halaal due to difficulties in getting married & haraam as it’s easier to get caught), they indulge in gay relationships (merely physical). If the Saudi society were to remove segregation & go easy on the whole dating aspect… u would see a drop in gay behaviour & exponential rise in this other haraam.
One of the biggest problems why Saudi kids again get involved in this the attitude of police – Saudi youth r immune from law as long as no Saudi female is harassed.
Abdul
May 27, 2012 at 7:39 PM
I think homosexuality is on the increase everywhere. This might be happening because more people are coming out and openly practicing it or since the population of the planet is increasing rapidly so too the number of people who identify themselves as “gay”
Selema
April 17, 2009 at 5:25 PM
Sister no nonsense it is clear from your posts that you do have knowledge and understanding of the religion. That is a blessing and you could be a valuable contributor on this site but there is room for learning and improving. It is from the way of the companions that they would not ask so many questions and would have an open mind. I speak to myself first when I advise you or any of my Muslim brothers or sisters.
Regarding the topic being discussed, it is understandable that any Muslim (and most normal ppl) would feel very harshly abt it but condemning ppl is not the solution here. I think one of the things you had a problem with were that Sh.Qadhi apologized for bashing gays. To someone like you or me there is nothing wrong in that, and it may even be a good thing for some ppl with strong faith in Allah who may have ‘homosexual’ feelings or tendencies. If however, someone that is not very practicing or does not have a strong Islamic foundation were to hear his remarks, he may feel like he has no place in Islam and that may lead him to become very reluctant towards the religion.
I hope that helps. :)
Conviction2Change
April 17, 2009 at 6:02 PM
Salam dear sister Saleema,
Thank you for that on-the-dot, kind response. I hope we all take a lesson or two from your words.
I want to comment on the part you said that it may even be a good thing for those of us who experience SSA to hear harsh remarks made against gays in open public Islamic settings. I disagree with that.
For the very vast majority of my life I did deal with this issue very strictly but when I used to hear community leaders, respected brothers and sisters, or even my family and friends say how disgraceful homosexuals were and how they have no place in this world… I would just feel more and more ashamed and isolated for merely having fleeting thoughts about the same sex.
At some point I thought it was best a person like me leave Islam. I thought that is what Muslims wanted and what Allah wanted me to do as well. I was very confused. I don’t want to go into any details of how close I came to doing so despite the fact that I pray five times a day, fast in Ramadan and beyond, wear proper Islamic dressing, and do not appear to be any different than the next devout Muslimah. Slowly, Allah guided me back to what was the proper course of action and I didn’t leave and only became stronger in my Islam, but this is just one example of how words can really send sharp blades through the most sincerely struggling Muslims.
It is important that we shun the act of sodomy (including that of lesbians), but it isn’t necessary that we shun the people for simply feeling this way. We do not act upon it. We are struggling every day and want to move on, get married to the opposite sex, and raise beautiful pious children. Let us spend more time praying for one another than saying how bad one another’s “tendencies” are. We all recognize they are not normal and should not be promoted. We’re doing our job on working on it. Now we just need your prayers. :)
Salam,
Your sister with a conviction to change
conviction2change@gmail.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle
http://www.gaymuslims.wordpress.com
Hyde
February 23, 2014 at 11:41 PM
Okay I was pensive with your comments but your last paragraph has won me over :)
AsimG
April 17, 2009 at 7:24 PM
Question:
For those that have desires, what do you want from the Muslim community and how can other Muslims help you?
New Fad vs. Epidemic
April 18, 2009 at 2:47 AM
Being born and raised in America I can honestly say when I was even in 9th grade the idea of knowing someone who was homosexual was a such a derogatory idea. But before i knew it, almost being done with college, there’s a huge array of the flamboyant homosexuals and the timid ones that have still not “come out of the closet”. The question that occurred to me after reading this article is where to draw the line between sympathizing and accepting this issue in Islamic boundaries, because clearly in American boundaries it has been both sympathized and accepted.
Clearly, it is evident this matter is forbidden in Islamic principles , but the “thought” of it is not. Even heterosexuals have thoughts of the opposite gender, and god knowing, do not act upon them. The criticism i have is the way some people have there upbringing, which if analyzed, would make perfect sense of their homosexual thoughts. Lets all sit for a minute and have a homosexual thought, no really, have it…..had it? Now this is no way reflects your sexual orientation, even if you continue having it.
I went to a public high school, all my non-muslim friends had boyfriends, and when i went to Sunday school, all my Muslim friends snickered about boys they couldn’t be friends with. The similarities i noted in both environments was gender segregation. In the American schools, genders were separated during gym class when we had to change into our gym clothes, but we (all girls in one locker room, all guys in another) dressed and undressed in front of one another, and if on a sporting team, showered as well. This principle was permitted and acceptable. In sunday school, during class, lunch break, wait…everything, “brothers and sisters” were to be separate! Several flaws in this system existed because I honestly had NO idea why.
I was young, but looking back I have been educated on why this matter was so important through hadith and quran. But today’s world has our parents of one generation not being able to speak our language and explain to us why we were always told “lower your gaze”, “no interaction unless necessary”, “dress modestly”, which I agree with now yes after learning the principle behind it.
Several of our youth organizations in the community have interesting topics of marriage, love, relationships, this makes us feel all bubbly and cheery inside because its a taboo topic with our parents and older generation. Fact: Promoting this topic is NOT the answer. Discussing this topic publicly and always suggesting that marriage is the answer, is anything BUT the answer. The different forms of gender segregation that existed in my youth, and probably several others, most likely caused confusion and through our racing hormones maybe some of us had felt that subconsciously thinking of the opposite gender was even wrong
I’m not a psychoanalyst, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere with our inner strength of being muslims. I’m not the most practicing Muslim, but I try to improve myself day to day with my inner strength. I am very well fit to being married, and inshallah will be, but sometimes i feel this terminology is tossed around so lightly and promotes more fitnah in our community and more fear for those who simply aren’t ready. Lets face it, with the generation and technological gap, several youth in our community have found the loop holes to hide their significant other from their parents, they have this fantasy that O-M-G im gonna marry him/her. Although your physical needs may become halal through marriage, please do not dismiss the fact marriage is for this world and the after world, this is your duty as a Muslim to be content that you can mentally handle the thought of being a spouse and be emotionally ready to handle the ups and downs with maturity. Now when our parents eventually find out about our significant other, ( and they always do) , do they sympathize and accept it? NO they take our cell phones, disconnect our internet and give us a nice slap of reality that we are not old enough to handle the thought of marriage at our young age (and i’m sorry they are RIGHT), and disappointed in us for sinning this way.
Not to go off my tangent, but we all agree about homosexuality being forbidden, starting to sympathize is just the beginning.Understanding our upbringing plays a huge role in who you are as a person today, whether you’re straight or gay. I am not saying if you don’t give your sympathy you are being disrespectful and pushing away our brothers/sisters from Islam who are feeling they are homosexuals, this issue can be addressed , CURED, and forgotten inshallah. Remember, after reading this we all had a homosexual thought, so this does not mean we are gay. It starts with one thought, and could turn into several thoughts, but with the strength in our deen, values, history, and simply Islam, realize our mistake, correct it, and move ahead to having actions that are pleasing to allah swt. Easier said than done, but bismilallah it can be done.
New Fad vs. Epidemic
April 18, 2009 at 3:32 AM
.
tahir
April 18, 2009 at 6:23 AM
ref: UmmeAmmaarah
sister can you kindly scan the arabic version of the dua u wrote and send me via mail
sowebelieved@gmail.com
jazak’allah
tahir
Celibate_Guy
April 18, 2009 at 9:25 AM
Salam
Actually I meant brother Taahir to contact me.
Sorry,I didn’t notice that we have Tahir & Taahir
Celibate_Guy
April 18, 2009 at 10:25 AM
Dear AsimG
Thank you for raising this questione and I will try to answer it from my own perspective.
Pesonally I want from the muslim community 2 things:
1-Understanding
2-Acceptance
For the first demand I hope that the muslim community can understand the difference between “Homosexuality” and “Same Sex Attraction/SSA“.
For example,when someone here talked about “youth in saudi arabia“,those youth do”homosexual acts“,BUT they do NOT suffer from Same Sex Attraction.
They just want to have sex by any mean with anybody.
On the other hand there are many muslims like me and brother Taahir suffering from Same Sex Attraction BUT we do NOT do homosexual acts.
There is another part concerning understanding,it is knowledge and reading about Same Sex Attraction and homosexuality thorough professional books and websites like those which I refered to above i previous