Asalaamualaikum,
mashallah nice post, I think the same way, but you know what the response of parents will be when you tell them Allah does not care if we get into the honors program or if we get a killer SAT score, it’s this. “As Muslims we should be balanced everywhere and on the top on everything” so we should be good muslims and at the same time getting into harvard and getting Honor roll every semester. AND THEN. When you say that’s hard, they say why is it hard? And they start telling you how they used to walk 5 miles everyday and back and forth, and not have paper and still get the best marks in school etc. For me its just a hopeless situation where now I just nod my head while staring at the ground ,sigh, make it look like they are right and accept that we dont try hard enough and then just go away and try not to get yourself into a conversation with them about stuff like this again. “Just keep swimming”

Good post, shows that we don’t have excuses for stupid actions in our youth!

Just a couple of points though:
First, is using the word ‘retarded’ not really un-PC? It sounds a bit wrong.

Second, you can’t really deny that people are immature before their 20s (even through them, sometimes). Or is that just a case of being more mature as we get older?

Assalamu Alaikum,
Subhanallah! A definite wake up call!! I have an almost thirteen year old, and its already not easy, mashallah!! Sometimes we do forget that our deeds are being recorded, and its a scary thought. The things we forgot, Allah remembers, and will remind us when we are in front of Him. Will we get our book of deeds in our right hands or left? I pray every believer gets their book of deeds in their right hands inshallah. Every youth needs to read this inshallah. Jazakallahu Khairan.

I knew I had read this article before! I did read it in al-Ameen a while back.

What you’re saying is true, that the hedonism of adolescence is fabricated. When you think of our predecessors like Tariq bin Ziyad radhiAllahu’anh and Muhammad bin Qasim radhiAllahu’anh, who lead the Muslims to some of the most celebrated triumphs of our history, it is almost embarrassing that we call ourselves Muslim youth and let ourselves fall into all sorts of traps. This is a largely Western concept, that these years are for amusement and frivolous pursuits; rather, these years can be tremendously valuable, and we will be questioned specifically about this time.

Several years ago, I was travelling through some very remote villages in Bangladesh where there was no electricity or modern comforts. The children there were more mature and wise than most adults I see in this part of the world, simply because they were taught to shoulder their own load right from the start. And really, I don’t know if I’ve ever been anywhere in the world where I’ve met happier people masha-Allah. There was a level of dignity and satisfaction that I have never seen elsewhere subhanAllah. It makes me feel embarrassed almost when I think about my own condition, and the condition of those around me. May Allah protect us and guide us all.

John,
First of all Mouse lives in the west….and while I do not agree with her on lots of issues, there is absolutely no questioning of her integrity or genuineness (by the way.. i am a horrible speller so everyone please forgive me). She is very ambitious in her commitment to Islam and is infact herself a young lady. I do think what she is saying about teenage years being a time for immaturity is right. We differ because I don’t nessecarily think that is a bad thing, but then again I don’t share alot of Mouse’s opinions :) But it is an absolute pleasure seeing her write her ideas here. I don’t know why you would call or insuiate that she is a liar. She is critical of some western practices that she feels contradict her view of Islam. All of us struggle to find our places in life and to do the right thing. Mouse’s struggle and her worldview have been basically here for the world to see. (I can’t even imagine my ideas or worldview as a 16 year old). There is a difference in not agreeing with the writer and attacking her as dishonest. I believe that is my problem, here John.

John, I was raised in America and accepted Islaam in my teenage years. What she said is nothing but the truth. How can you deny it? My mother in law is an american woman and she herself admits it. Her children (2 out of 3) are married, and she thought they weren’t prepared for it, too young and had to live their life like teenagers. Why do we make a difference? Look around you John. Even as a non-Muslim in the past, I realized the immaturity of society. You should too.

In the name of Allah, Most Beneficient, Most Merciful.

Didi,

Thank you for sharing your opinions, however, I must say, I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood Mouse in several ways:

1) Mouse quoted the hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) right in the beginning of her article where children should be encouraged to pray right from when they are 7 and then when they are 10, they should be disciplined. Clearly, the fact that in Islam, children are transitioned into the responsibilities of adulthood refutes your argument of “Muslims force teens to accept responsibilities the day puberty hits.”

2) You said:

“This is why we we have drinking ages, voting ages, driving ages, etc. In order to do any of those things, you have to prove that you have the maturity required to do them properly”

Honestly, I don’t see the relevance of these “ages” and how they relate to your argument. Why? Because, to a large extent, these ages don’t mean much. Drinking age? Pffft… how are high schoolers who go get drunk every weekend living up to the drinking age of 21? Are they proving they are mature enough? Is this “age” helping at all? Some may argue that having these ages divides society and makes children not feel mature until that age is reached.

IE. You are forcing kids to remain “kids” until they reach a certain age. What if the ‘kid’ is mature when he/she is 13? What if they are politically aware? Even if it’s an exception, in my books, this is DISCRIMINATION to marginalize someone based on their age alone.

3) You said:

“Teenagerhood is the period where you *become* an adult, and become *prepared* for the responsibilities you will have to undertake as an adult.”

Yes, but what is the harm of starting when they are younger than 10 and slowly transitioning them to have more responsibility as a teenager? In fact, many American families give their kids chores to do from the onset of when they are 7-8 years old. Preparation should start not at one age, but gradually, and this is exactly what Islam’s stance on this issue is: teach them and encourage them at an early age, but when they reach puberty, they are responsible.

4) About the 13 year old’s “voting”, honestly, I think you are extrapolating too far. However, if you did want to continue this train of thought, I will ask you one thing: where is this paradigm coming from? From a mentality in which all kids are deemed to be “unaware”? Or is it coming from a mindset that kids should be involved with people their age, but also encouraged to read, broaden their minds, take on extra responsibility? I hardly think it’s the latter.

Because IF it came from the latter mentality, that kids are gradually maturing, they do potentially know what is going around in their society, from a Muslim mentality (ideally: Islam is perfect, Muslims are not), then the kids WOULD be beneficial in their ‘vote.’ But this is hypothetical for now.

My main point: Didi, I think your ad hominem arguments aren’t useful because they are blinding you from seeing that Mouse actually said what you are trying to similarly point out: that responsibilities should be given gradually. Although there are some things which I do not agree with from your point of you, there are some things very similar for both of us.

Allah knows best.

May Allah guide us all, ameen.

I totally agree with how Mouse has presented the correct view (Very colorful language I must add :-) )

I remember being an adult by the time I was twelve and so were all my friends.

We were brought up correctly, told clearly what was right and wrong, prayed since we were children and therefore, when the time came to record our deeds, we were ready. Thanks to our parents.

Its not to say that as adults we didn’t make our share of mistakes. We did, but we didn’t give excuses- we turned to Allah Taala to seek His forgiveness.

To justify your mistakes under the pretense of ‘Adolescence and Teenagehood’ is really silly and those who encourage it should also now reflect and stop.

Train your children from an early age and they will become responsible by the time they reach puberty.

….and before that, train yourself.

Interesting, but why is this “Islamic”?

I treated my children as cihldren when they behaved like children, and like adults when they behaved like adults. They didn’t have an easy life, but faced up to the challenges with hard work and good humour. Yes, the ‘teens can be a challenging time – but, just as when children are about two years old – so rewarding!

I agree with the post, as a non-Islamic westerner, and as a teenager. The concept of ‘teenagerdom’ developed in this country (Britain) between the end of the Victorian era and the the end of the second world war, before that children were seen as little adults, and responsibility was given to everyone, increasing with age, but there was certainly no chance to behave immaturely once you were no longer an infant. Part of the problem we see in our society at the moment is the infantilisation of those who are actually capable of adult behaviour; we can see this in the job market; before the war the system of apprenticeships was healthy and a vital part of the economy. Having training and an income gave young people a measure of self esteem and usefullness; they helped themselves, they’re families, and the economy, and they had a place in society that afforded them respect. Now young people are expected to do little more than go to school, and possibly do a little work of the kind that no adult really wants to do. What does this tell young people? That we are not productive members of society, that we are not capable of ‘real’ work, or ‘desirable’ work, and that no one trusts us anyway. So we behave the way we feel we are expected to behave: immaturely, and in a way that reflects our percieved status as a drag on society.

Education is a wonderful thing, and the fact that everyone can now access it in this country is fantastic, but young adults need to be given a place in society that builds their self esteem and responsibility, and the best way to do this is to give them positions that require maturity and productivity, but with the guidance that anyone learning new skills need. The Islamic method detailed above seems sensible and it works: responsibilities are clearly drawn, and each individual knows what they must do, and when, and practices from an early age. Secular society could learn a lot from this method, by taking the basics and applying them in a model to treat young adults not as mollycoddled ‘teenagers’, but as responsible young people with a role to play and something to give. After all, if we carry on like this, the whole world will be run by teenagers who never grew up.

Assalammou’alaikum evryone. Alhamduliilah its really nice to hear our youth taking about islam. nowadays, wenever u meet a young man or lady, they just talk abt dunya its amusemants. Alhamdulillah we still hav this young strong and united ummah talking abt islam. I totally agree with mouse tht islam come before evrythng. If we apply this concept in our life,zen sure inshaAllah we will be sucessful both in dunya and akhirat

I have just realized there are a few mistypes in my post above, please excuse me but I only have few fingers…

Salaam Aleikum.
Hello and greetings to you all.

I would like to provide my own personal contribution to this discussion.

Unlike you, I am not (Sunni?) Muslim, I am a Catholic Christian.
BUT
Unlike you, whom I assume to be living in Canada, the USA or the United Kingdom, I live in the Mediterranean basin, in Italy to be precise, where social customs, traditions and social orientation are very close to those one can find in Turkey, Syria, Lebanon, all the way to Morocco.
Indeed, my wife is Lebanese born in Kharm el Zaytoun) and she regularly speaks arabic with her mother.

The term “teenager” exists only in the English language, and it means “somebody who is 13-19 years of age” simply because those numbers end with the suffiz “teen”.

In old Imperial Rome, whose customs and traditions were not too dissimilar from Ancient Greece, Ancient Carthage or Alexandria (Ancient Egypt) there were entirely different categories:
- “Infans” or infant, from birth until 12 years old;
- “Puer” or child, from 12-ish to 20-ish when children were trained to work,
- “Juvenis” or “young man/woman, when girls were wed and men would finally work as apprentices or train as recruits in the army.

Girls were “emancipated” through marriage, men were emancipated when they were wealthy enough to “buy” a wife, that is, prove to the Father of the bride they could prove worthy sons in law.
(Of course they wouldn’t “buy” the wife, but they had to provide sufficient means of maintaining the family)
Until then one was a “Juvenis” and didn’t even have the right to vote.

In this day and age, where in most cases society leads a life comfortable enough to send its children to school all the way through College, “teenagers” are essentially “adult trainees”, working their way through “social apprenticeship” so that they may, one day, have “learned the basics” on what being a grown-up is all about.

Again, my fear is that having only two means of comparison – Anglosaxon culture across the ocean and Arabic culture as is handed down through the Holy Book(s) and family stories – your approach is a little lop-sided; if anyone of you had the opportunity to come and live one year as a High School/University student in any mediterranean Country, he/she would realize that Tunis and Cairo are much closer in mentality to Paris and Rome, than they are to Jeddah and Medina.

I know, I’ve been to the Maghreb and Mashriq enough times to realize that “beauty (fairness) lies in the middle” – “too much is too much,”the Ancient Romans would say, in any direction.

To claim there is “no such thing as a teenager” may be OK in a “primitive” society where everyone toils the land, else nobody eats. Indeed, my great-grandparents were of such a society, where girls woyuld marry by the age of 16, but a man couldn’t even appoach a father to discuss about any of his daughters before he could “afford it”- 25-28 years old… so, how is it that my Father went to University, and so did I ?

In a society where, if you don’t go through College, you’ll never stand a chance to earn a social position to make your wife and children proud, I cannot understand how one should see a 14-year old as an “adult”.
Quite the oposite, our children are our legacy, so we should want to invest in them as much as possible.

“Adult” does not mean simply “has reached biological maturity”; that is a biological point of view, but Man is such a complex and articulate sentient being that it may take eight, ten years and more between “biological maturity” and “psychological maturity”.

Unless, of course, one should insist that it is a good thing that all girls should stop school at the “mature” age of fourteen, never go to High School because they should marry and become baby factories…
…and at what age should a “young male adult” become a father and start working ?

Do you really believe that, in such a complex society as today’s, our children do not deserve the advanced schooling we can offer them, so that, when we grow old, we can have doctors, not just bricklayers ?