A Ramadan Quran Journal: A MuslimMatters Series – [Juz 28] Complaining Only To Allah

This Ramadan, MuslimMatters reached out to our regular (and not-so-regular) crew of writers asking them to share their reflections on various ayahs/surahs of the Quran, ideally with a focus on a specific juz – those that may have impacted them in some specific way or have influenced how they approach both life and deen. While some contributors are well-versed in at least part of the Quranic Sciences, not all necessarily are, but reflect on their choices as a way of illustrating that our Holy Book is approachable from various human perspectives.

Introducing, A Ramadan Quran Journal: A MuslimMatters Series

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Complaining Only to Allah

by Ayeina

In the 28th Juz of the Qur’an, there are a number of issues discussed that were relevant to the community in Madinah – then comprised of the Muhajirun (Muslims who migrated to Madinah for the sake of Allah ), the Ansaar (Muslims of Madinah who helped the Muhajirun), the Munafiqun (hypocrites), and also the disbelievers.

These surahs revealed after Hijrah (migration) helped Muslims leave the ignorant beliefs and traditions from the past behind and encouraged them to seek guidance from the Qur’an and the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ instead.

The prevalent theme of this Juz is truthfulness and sincerity – being truthful to your beliefs, claims, and contracts (whether written or verbal, whether with the state or the spouse, etc.). Hence it revolves around the steadfastness of one’s relationship with Allah and His Messenger .

Out of all the surahs, the story of Khawlah bint Tha’labah in Surah Mujadilah hits me the most.

Narrating her own story, Khawlah said:

“By Allah, concerning me and Aws Ibn al-Samit, Allah revealed the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah. I was married to him, and he was an old man who was bad-tempered. One day, he came in and I raised a particular issue with him again. He became angry and said, ‘You are to me as the back of my mother.’ Then he went out and sat for a while in the meeting place of his people. Then he came back, and wanted to resume marital relations with me. I said, ‘No way! By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khawla, you will never get what you want from me after saying what you said, until Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) decide between us.’ He tried to force himself on me, but I was able to resist because I was a young woman and he was a weak old man. I pushed him away. Then I went to one of my (female) neighbors and borrowed a cloak from her and went to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). I sat before him, told him what my husband had done to me, and began to complain to him about my sufferings because of my husband’s bad temper. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, ‘O Khawlah, your cousin (i.e. your husband) is an old man, so fear Allah with regard to him.’ I did not leave him until Qur’an was revealed concerning me. He was overcome as he usually was when Qur’an was revealed to him, and when it was over, he said: ‘O Khawlah, Allah has revealed Qur’an concerning you and your husband.’ Then he recited to me:

“Certainly has Allah heard the speech of the one who argues [i.e., pleads] with you, [O Prophet Muhammad], concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah. And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing.”

“Those who pronounce zihâr (i.e. the saying by a husband to his wife, ‘You are to me like the back of my mother,’ meaning unlawful to approach. This was a type of divorce practiced by the Arabs before the prophethood of Muhammad) among you [to separate] from their wives – they are not [consequently] their mothers. Their mothers are none but those who gave birth to them. And indeed, they are saying an objectionable statement and a falsehood. But indeed, Allah is Pardoning and Forgiving.”

“And those who pronounce zihâr from their wives and then [wish to] go back on what they said – then [there must be] the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. That is what you are admonished thereby, and Allah is Acquainted with what you do.”

“And he who does not find [a slave] – then a fast for two months consecutively before they touch one another; and he who is unable – then the feeding of sixty poor persons. That is for you to believe [completely] in Allah and His Messenger, and those are the limits [set by] Allah. And for the disbelievers is a painful punishment.” [Surah Al-Mujâdilah: 58;1-4]

The Prophet told me, ‘Let him release a slave.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), he does not have the means to do that.’ He said, ‘Then let him fast for two consecutive months.’ I said, ‘By Allah, he is an old man, he is not able to do that.’ He said, ‘Then let him feed sixty poor people with a wasq of dates.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, he does not have that much.’ He said, ‘Then we will help him with a faraq of dates.’ I said, ‘And I will help him with another faraq, O Messenger of Allah.’ He said, ‘You have done right and done well. Go and give it in charity on his behalf, then take care of your cousin properly.’ And I did so.”

This reminds me of the story of Yaqub in the Quran:

“They (the children of  Yaqub) said ‘By Allah! You will never cease remembering Yusuf until you become weak with old age or until you be of the dead.'”

“And he responded: ‘I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you do not know…'” [Surah Yusuf: 12;85-86]

They were annoyed by their father’s expression of (rightful) emotions, and their father (instead of expressing his emotions to them) turned to Allah . He disengaged because there’s no benefit in staying in a conversation where your emotions are not held. And he turned away from them and said: “Alas, my grief for Yusuf (Joseph)!”

Crying is how our body releases pent-up energy after a traumatic or distressing event – but eventually, he loses his sight because of the sorrow that he had to suppress (in terms of expressing to loved ones around) for so long.

What I found profound is the fact that instead of believing that he should get over it, he actually changes his channel of emotions. He doesn’t express it in front of the same audience. He finds a far better refuge. They couldn’t listen to their father’s expression of emotions because they were insecure. They knew they were the reason for all those emotions pouring out. So, they wanted to shut him down.

When people in our lives shut their doors on us because they have their own unhealed parts that they refuse to recognize, turn to Allah . Along with that, find another channel of expression, find another audience instead of believing that you have to suppress your emotions in order to live in peace. And that’s what Khaulah bint Tha’labah did as well.

Allah heard the plea of a woman. Allah heard her when no one else did. What she went through was such a norm in society that what she was complaining about seemed “normal”. The explanation given in the hadith tells us how she mainly wanted to be heard. When Allah put consequences upon her husband because of his wrongdoing, she was the first to request ease for him. She was the first to defend him.

When Prophet ﷺ said: He should set a slave free, she said: He cannot afford it.

When he ﷺ said: He should fast for two consecutive months, she said: He is an old man and hence cannot keep fasts.

When he ﷺ said: He should feed sixty poor people, she said: He has nothing which he may give in charity.

Allah became the Voice for the voiceless and that was enough to give her the reassurance she was seeking. She did not want to punish her husband for what he did wrong, but she wanted to be heard – she wanted her pain to be seen. So Allah came to her rescue when everyone else turned away…subhaanAllah! Just like He did for Yaqub .

Huzn is to grieve/mourn, be sad/unhappy. To be rough or rugged and hard [said of a place or the ground], also (said of a beast) to be rough in pace or not easy to ride upon – [just like how emotions are not easy to ride. Life feels so rough in those times]. Huzn is a natural feeling (just like all other emotions). Suppression, on the other hand, is a learned behavior (sometimes unconsciously learned through life’s experiences – especially in childhood). Suppression comes from the place of fear (as a form of self-protection). And for a short amount of time, it may help us stay protected, but in the long run, it’s actually the quite opposite.

Kaziim is the one who is grieving inwardly and in silence (sometimes also defined as a repressor of rage – because suppressed emotions can easily turn into rage if left unattended for far too long).

Some of the very interesting meanings derived from this word are:

*A well from which a canal proceeds

*Holding the breath

*Shutting the door

*A rope for the camel’s nose

Have you ever experienced that when you shut the door to your emotions, you may have to hold your breath (choke back tears) and they may feel like a well from which the canal of tears will proceed if you let go of your breath?

Also, a rope through a camel’s nostrils (if not done right) can be a painful experience, which may result in damage to its tissues – eventually being exposed to flies/maggots.

It’s said that trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result – it is not the blow on the head, but the concussion you get after. And that’s the good news! Your concussion can heal alhamdulillah!

Yaqub’s eyes came back to life by living through the same trauma (in a positive way) that took his sight in the first place. From seeing his son’s shirt of blood to smelling his shirt of royalty (as Yusuf was a king at that time). SubhanAllah!

For Khaulah bint Tha’labah , instead of suppressing her emotions when her husband temporarily divorced her, she went to Rasool Allah ﷺ because she knew that she will get the justice there that she couldn’t get from her husband or the society.

When I was reflecting upon how Yaqub lost his sight because of the grief that he was suppressing, I couldn’t help but think as to why there are so many ahadith on suppressing the anger – If suppression of emotions is so harmful for us.

And then I realized, it’s because anger is almost ALWAYS a blanket emotion, which is why suppressing it helps. You may then get to the root cause of it as a result. Is it fear? Is it grief? Is it injustice? Or is it any other suppressed emotion from which the anger is stemming?

Also, feeling angry and showing anger (through words/actions) are two different things. The latter can harm us and others as well. Hence why we have so many sunnah tips on how to control and manage anger.

[NOTE: This Juz felt like a short course on Islamic psychology, family counseling, and much more. It is something that I have gone through with my elder kids/nieces with a lot of discussions filled with curious questions.

Please note that Surah Talaq and Surah Tahrim have topics like divorce, menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, zina (illegal sexual intercourse), etc. discussed in detail. If you are going through this Juz with little kids, you may choose to skip them until you feel like your kids are ready for them and are able to grasp these concepts in a better way inshaAllah. You are the barometer for your own child as to when you would like to introduce these topics to them.

You can use these juz journals to instill the love of Allah’s book in their hearts through word-by-word meanings, so they can turn to it in their times of joy and grief inshaAllah!]

Related:

– The Spiritual Ethics And Activism Of Khawla Bint Tha’labah

– Misfortune, Difficulties, And The Muslim Mindset