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Podcast: Sex, Marriage, and Mutual Obligations in Islam | Ustadh Mukhtar Ba

Zeba Khan

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When we talk about Taqwa, we often discuss things like trusting in Allah, avoiding sin, and being mindful of our obligations. We think a lot about staying away from sex on tv, in music, on our computer screens – but what if Taqwa means thinking more about sex – with our spouses instead?

The carnal desires that exist in men or women, in young men and young women before marriage, these are completely natural. Attempting to suppress them, or asking them to ignore them is simply not reasonable. Not only is it not reasonable, it is dangerous.

The Prophet ﷺ has not asked young men and young women to suppress their desires. What he asked them was to attempt to get married.Click To Tweet

Today we’re honored to be speaking with Ustadh Mukhtar Ba, who is an advanced student of Māliki Fiqh, Arabic grammar, Seerah Nabawiyya, Hadith, Aqeeda and Tasawwuf. In this podcast, Ustadh Ba discusses his article A Primer On Intimacy And Fulfillment Of A Wife’s Desires Based On The Writings Of Scholars Of The Past.

Just because people get married doesn’t mean they need to have children. I’m surprised that’s controversial. What’s the controversy?Click To Tweet

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Help Us End 2020 with 1000 Supporters!

Alhamdulillah, we're at 900 supporters. Help us get to 1000 supporters before 2020 ends. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Zeba Khan is the Director of Development for MuslimMatters.org and the producer of the newly launched Muslimmatters Podcast, as well as a writer, speaker, and disability awareness advocate. In addition to having a child with autism, she herself lives with Ehlers-Danlos Sydrome, Dysautonomia, Mast-Cell Activation Disorder, and a random assortment of acronyms that collectively translate to chronic illness and progressive disability.

4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Abu Ismail

    December 4, 2020 at 7:06 AM

    A muslim man and a muslim woman, who dont seem to be mahrams, talking about sex just feels extremely awkward and inappropriate. Also i dont come to muslimmatters to often, but when i do there is always some article about sex and whatnot. I understand that this topic should be learned, but why is it brought up so often here? Very uncomfortable.

    Abu Ismail

  2. Avatar

    B

    December 4, 2020 at 7:29 AM

    Narrated `Aisha:

    The Prophet (ﷺ) and I used to take a bath from a single pot while we were Junub. During the menses, he used to order me to put on an Izar (dress worn below the waist) and used to fondle me. While in I`tikaf, he used to bring his head near me and I would wash it while I used to be in my periods (menses).

    Sahih al-Bukhari 299, 300, 301

    Who do you think Aisha was talking to? Both the Muslim men and women…why would she openly tell people that Rasoolulah used to fondle her? To teach the Muslims their religions and obligations..this is the sunnah of the righteous Muslims. There was no shyness in these matters with them and there isn’t with us.

    Your feelings that it’s inappropriate stem from your own cultural indoctrinations. Alhamdulilah Islam frees us from your form of thinking and slavery.

    It is also brought up often because we live in a time of widespread fasad and zina. It’s natural that topics covering those issues come up. The prevalence of the medicine matches the prevalence of the disease. Watch how many millions of vaccines they produce to treat the millions and covid infections and you’ll understand Insha Allah. May Allah grant you tawfeeq to recognise true Islam when you see it.

  3. Avatar

    Spirituality

    December 4, 2020 at 9:15 AM

    As Salamu Alaikum, B,

    Thank you for your wonderful response to Abu Ismail, which I agree with until the very end (see below).

    Brother Abu Ismail, there is nothing wrong with non-mahram Muslim woman and a Muslim man having frank discussions of sex in a public forum with an intention to educate the larger community. If you know otherwise, please give us requisite proof for your position.

    B – I am concerned about how you ended your post: ‘The prevalence of the medicine matches the prevalence of the disease. Watch how many millions of vaccines they produce to treat the millions and covid infections and you’ll understand Insha Allah.’

    Unfortunately, I do not understand; would you clarify? My understanding as a health professional is that COVID-19 is transmitted through respiratory droplets/aerosols. I’m not sure what exactly widespread fasad and zina have to do with COVID-19 spread – other than intimate activities can spread COVID-19, but then again, so can non-intimate activities.

    Please note that diseases were present – in fact common, during the time of the Prophet (s). Mecca was known to have outbreaks of some sort, which according to some scholars is one of the reasons that Meccan mothers, including Amina, the mother of the Prophet (s), would send their children out to be raised in the country side. The Prophet (s) father and mother both died of some disease(s) while traveling. And Yathrib – before it became known as Madina-al Munnawarah- was known to have some disease that outsiders would catch. In fact, both Abu Bakr RA and Bilal RA both caught that disease shortly after their hijra. The disease was banished by Allah shortly after the Prophet (s)’s hijra to Madina.

  4. Avatar

    B

    December 5, 2020 at 9:24 AM

    It was an analogy. The response matches the action. One person gets sick, you call one ambulance…two….two ambulances…etc..

    One case of zina…talk to one person…two…two people…it becomes prevalent in a society…it is spoken about open in that society…etc etc etc

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