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Nurturing Insightful Kids | Sh Yahya Ibrahim

Indonesian children

Teachers face a unique challenge.

On the one hand, they need to get through a comprehensive curriculum that requires a deliberate, if not stubborn, outlook on their students keeping the pace necessary to complete it. On the other hand, they also see the outliers amongst their cohort as not receiving what they need to spread their wings and sore, or more likely, catch-up to the rest of the group.

Parents.

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The answer, after nearly two decades of teaching, are parents. I here aim to share, as a parent and an educator, some maxims, that in my professional and personal experience will promote your child’s natural abilities and push them to achieve their very best.

These laws are not tasks for your children to accomplish. These principles, founded from the Sunnah, are practices YOU must implement.

Be positive about learning

Show your children, through your active practice that knowledge is a life-long pursuit. This can be done by taking on hobbies, attending weekend courses, being attached to a regular Quran halaqah and by consistently demonstrating a positive attitude towards learning. This, subtly, encourages your children to foster an interest in learning. It is important for our children to see that learning is something that adults do too.

One of the Dua enjoined upon our Nabi Muhammed ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) to make is recorded in Surat Taha:

وَقُل رَّبِّ زِدْنِي عِلْمًا

Say: My Lord, increase me in knowledge.

Surah TaHa 20:114

The knowledgeable agree that the request for increase begins with the desire and then taking the means to pursue it.

The Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

مَنْ سَلَكَ طَرِيقًا يَلْتَمِسُ فِيهِ عِلْمًا سَهَّلَ اللَّهُ لَهُ طَرِيقًا إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ

Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah makes easy for him a path to Paradise. Sahih Muslim 2699

Experience + Reflection = Learning

Reading is nice, but doing is better. The experiences we have in our lives are not simply memories, they build our brains and alter our world view. When we involve our children in new and interesting, positive experiences, we stimulate their brain development and give them a larger library of information to draw from.

Our children may not listen to everything we say, but they absorb everything we do. From the youngest of ages, our children are engrossed in our lifestyle. The more contact time you have, the richer their experience, especially if that contact is consistent. Take note of the Prophet r attitude to youngsters attending to the masjid or other formal events.

It is clear as well that his r audience was not limited to the faithful elders amongst the sahabah, radiya Allahu anhum ajma’een, but also to the young. Most of the noteable scholars from the Sahaaba were those who grew up mixing and traveling with the Messenger of Allah r from a young age. The likes of Usama ibn Zayd, Abdullah ibn Omar, Anas ibn Malik, Abdullah ibn Amr, Abdullah ibn Abbas, Mu’adh ibn Jabal, Zaid ibn Thaabit and countless others.

‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them both) said: ‘One day, I was riding behind the Prophet r when he said: “Young man! I am teaching you (some) words: Follow Allah’s orders and He will protect you; fulfill His rights and you will find Him with you. If you need something, ask Allah; and if you ask for help, ask Allah (alone).”

What an honour to sit next to the best of humanity and travel while being taught to reflect on the true nature of life.

Know that mistakes are opportunities

If you can’t make a mistake, you’ll never do anything new. Help your children to realise that we all make mistakes. No one gets everything right the first time. In fact, making mistakes is the way we learn.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent.” Sahih in Sunan Ibn Majah 4251

At first glance, it seems like this hadith is just a general statement. However, when you come to know that Anas, radiyaAllahu anhu was 9 years old during the life of the Prophet r and that he was given the honour of serving the Prophet r, the hadith becomes more precise. When you couple it with Anas describing his relationship with the Prophet r as being:

Anas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) reported: “I never felt any piece of velvet or silk softer than the palm of the Messenger of Allah r, nor did I smell any fragrance more pleasant than the smell of the Messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him). I served him for ten years, and he never said ‘Uff’ (an expression of disgust) to me. He never said ‘Why did you do that?’ for something I had done, nor did he ever say ‘why did you not do such and such’ for something I had not done. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

We come to see that the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) had a reformative, rather than punitive, attitude with young people. His ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) aim was always about improvement, rather than censure and punishment. Mistakes, in that framework transform into successes.

Push Past the Obvious 

The Googlation of education encourages people to seek AN answer, then stop thinking. Be the antidote to this. Help your child to take ideas and stretch them out.

You will need a good sense of humour and patience. Let your child absorb information from a plethora of sources, recombine them in new and crazy ways and allow them the opportunity to apply them in unusual settings.

It is for this reason that the Prophet r would regularly ask young people questions about life and death, success and failure, good and evil, rather than simply stating a fact.

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) asked his companions, ‘What would be the situation of someone who has a river at his door and everyday, five times a day he comes out and he takes a bath in that river? At the end of the day would he have any dirt on himself?’

They responded, ‘There would be no dirt on him, O RasulAllah.’

Then the Prophet said, ‘Similarly there are the five ṣalawāt, cleansing the person in this way.’

An example from the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) is the ḥadīth of the woman who came and asked him about her mother who made an oath to do Ḥajj but then died. She asked the Prophet, ‘Should I do Ḥajj on her behalf?’

The Prophet said: ‘If your mother had any debts, would you pay them on her behalf?’

The woman replied, ‘Yes.’ The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

‘The debt owed to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is more worthy of being fulfilled and paid off’ (al-Bukhari)

Construct plans and use them to make Decisions

Being able to anticipate what is likely to happen as a consequence of our actions is an essential life skill. Many adults fail at developing foresight and understanding the ramifications of their words and actions. In part, it is due to how they were raised.

It is easy to make demands and force all to adhere to your decision as the parent. However, your children miss understanding that their own decisions also have consequence. Getting our children to plan and be part of the decision can be as simple as asking, “What do you think will happen if we did this or that?”

An issue would come up and the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) would occasionally have the question answered by one of the companions in order to train them to answer the questions.

A man came to the Prophet and said that he had a dream and he wanted its interpretation. Before the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) answered, Abū Bakr raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said, ‘Ya RasulAllah! Allow me to interpret it,’ and the Prophet allowed him to do so.

There are numerous cases where a person would come to the Prophet with a legal issue and he r would tell a certain companion to get up and make a judgement between them. That companion would say, ‘Ya RasulAllah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), shall I judge between them while you are here, in our midst?’

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) would respond in the affirmative.

These young companions would later became Muslim judges, and they were the governors that went out to Yemen, Egypt, and other places. The Prophet had trained them in his midst.

Ya Allah bless our children with Your Love and the love of those who love You.
My Lord strengthen their bodies, tune their hearing, sharpen their sight, clear their congestion, mend their wounds and make them whole.
My Lord with Your Mercy protect them from Illness, sin, mistakes, errors and misguidance as consequence of their devotion to You.
O Allah cause them to obey in love their parents, without rebellion, persistent error or disrespect.
Ya Allah help us raise them well with high morals and firm ethics of righteousness that blesses them and society.
My Lord I entrust You with our progeny, for no trust is lost with You. I entrust You with clearing them of impediments, ailments and immorality.
I trust in You to guard them from the evil that spreads by night, or envious eyes sharpened by the light of day and from the jealousy of hateful friends
My Lord protect my children from all sides, above and beneath, right and left, front and back.
Ya Allah let our children be reason for our honour and a source of our pride.

Imam Yahya Ibrahim is Head of Islamic Studies & Asst. Principal at Langford Islamic College, Senior Imam at Thornlie Mosque, Islamic Chaplain at Curtin University & the University of Western Australia and lecturer for the internationally acclaimed alMaghrib Institute. Imam Yahya is a Minister of Religion, empowered to officiate marriages for the Australian Islamic community.  He is Canadian by birth, Egyptian through ancestry, Turkish via marriage, and Australian by choice of residence and migration.

His religious training began in Toronto wherein he committed the Quran to memory & studied Fiqh/Jurisprudence upon the principles of Imam Shafi’ee’s Madh-haab. Over the years, beginning 1993, Imam Yahya has continued to further his study of Islam by meeting, translating and traveling to scholars in Egypt & Hijaz & South East Asia. Throughout that time he has received Tazkiyah and Ijazah to instruct in a variety of Islamic disciplines – Hadith, Fiqh and Quranic sciences, Alhamdulillah. Follow him on Facebook.

 

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The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Ustadh Yahya Ibrahim is Canadian by birth & education, Egyptian through a rich ancestry, Turkish via the blessing of marriage to Songul and Australian by Choice of residence and migration.Since his early teens, in the 90's, Ustadh Yahya has been talking about Islam to Muslims and non-Muslims. He was blessed with numerous opportunities to meet, translate, study and teach alongside some of the Islamic worlds top scholars.Ustadh Yahya is blessed now to be living in Perth, Western Australia with his wife and three wonderful children – Shireen, Omar and Adam. He is a regular lecturer to Muslim and non-Muslim audiences their and around the world. Recently, Ustadh Yahya was awarded by the West Australian State Government the "Individual Excellence in Community Service Award."Ustadh Yahya is a passionate educator with a decades experience in school leadership as an Asst. Principal & registered Teacher.He, also, serves the Muslim community at Curtin University and the University of Western Australia as the Islamic Chaplain and teaches Islamic Ethics & Theology,internationally, with al-Kauthar Institute www.alkauthar.org .

7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. Avatar

    tajudeen

    November 17, 2016 at 9:58 PM

    Alhamdulilahi. May reward you

  2. Avatar

    Islam Hashtag

    November 20, 2016 at 2:24 PM

    Masha Allah,Very nice article .I would like to contribute few reading strategies and duas that may benefit the readers .Here they are- http://islamhashtag.com/dua-for-studying-and-tips-to-get-good-marks-in-exam/

  3. Avatar

    Me

    November 30, 2016 at 6:28 AM

    You cannot raise insightful children if you indoctrinate them with religious ideas. They must lose all sense of critical thinking and circumvent their natural moral code in order to accept a ridiculous and morally reprehensible system of belief. You can raise religious robots or zombies, but not insightful children.

    • Avatar

      Sameehah

      January 2, 2017 at 7:34 AM

      Your argument rests on religion being fiction which is why you believe it to be indoctrination.
      In other words, there is no God, so to teach children about a God is unjust.

      From the perspective of those who believe in religion as fact, it is viewed as enlightenment.
      In other words, there is a God, so to not teach children about God is unjust.

  4. Avatar

    Naomi Macklin-Carr

    December 4, 2016 at 7:27 AM

    JazakAllha khair for the article. Precise points and great examples from the sunnah.

  5. Avatar

    Halima

    December 10, 2016 at 12:13 PM

    Mashaa’Allah, this is indeed a powerful piece. Very useful and practical parenting tips from The Prophet ( SAW) which most likely would remain unaware of. Jazak Allah kheiran. Here’s a link to a free ebook on Kobo that may also help.
    https://www.kobo.com/ww/en/ebook/live-the-qur-aan

  6. Avatar

    Yasmin

    October 1, 2019 at 9:28 AM

    MashaAllah loved reading this article you made alot of great points. keep up the great work.

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#Islam

30 Khawaatir in 30 Days- A Parent’s Guide | Day 10: The Dua’ of Umm Salama

Now that we have learnt about a good word, let’s talk about the dua’ of Umm Salama.

Today I’m going to share with you a story of a very important woman in Islamic history named Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her). She was a female companion, which means she was a sahaabiya (female companion)

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) was one of the first people to embrace Islam and she was one of the few Muslims who actually performed the hijrah twice. 

Question: Who can tell me what a hijrah is?

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A hijrah is when someone leaves a place they are in for the sake of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). The first hijrah was to Ethiopia, where a just Christian ruler named Najashi took in a group of Muslims and took good care of them. 

So Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) and Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) went to Ethiopia. After some time living there, they really wanted to go back to Mecca so that they could be next to the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) and learn everything about Islam. As they waited patiently, news traveled all the way to Africa saying that the Muslims were no longer getting persecuted because Umar ibn al-Khattab raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) and Hamza raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him), the uncle of the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), had embraced Islam. 

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) and Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) decided to return back to Mecca, and when they did, they realized that it was only a rumor and that the Muslims were still being tortured by Quraysh. So, when the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) instructed all of the Muslims of Mecca to leave to Madina for the second hijrah, they wasted no time getting ready. 

Question: Do you see how they were so active and didn’t take their Islam for granted?

As Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) was about to mount her camel, her tribe, the Banu Makhzum, came and told Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) that they would not allow him to take Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) to Madina. Then Abu Salama’s tribe, the Banu Asad, takes Salama, his child, away.  Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) could not defend himself against all of these men, so he sets off to Madina.

In just one day Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) lost her husband and her child, and she suffers so much because of it. She is in a lot of pain. After some time her cousin starts to feel sorry for her and speaks to the tribes on her behalf. He is then able to reunite her with her son. Then after a year of waiting, Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) is finally able to meet her husband in Madina. 

Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) was known to be a very caring husband and courageous man. He fought in the Battle of Badr as well as in the Battle of Uhud. In Uhud, he received a wound that he wasn’t able to recover from. 

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) was so sad the day Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) died, but the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) taught her to recite a beautiful dua’:

إِنَّا لله وإنا إليه راجعون اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها 

“We belong to Allah and to Allah is our return. Oh Allah, reward me for my calamity, and replace my loss with something better.”

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) recited this dua’, but in her mind she thought, “Who can be better than Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him)?” 

After a few months passed, Umar ibn al-Khattab raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) proposed to Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her), but she said no. 

Then, Abu Bakr raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) proposed to Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her), but again she said no. 

Then, the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) proposed to Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) and she accepted. So now, she was not only the mother of Salama, but the mother of all of the believers until the end of time! 

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#Current Affairs

This Eid And Beyond Boycott Goods Made With Enslaved Labor Of Uyghurs Even If It Is Your Favorite Brand

Bidding farewell to Ramadan, celebrating Eid?

Well, the Muslims of East Turkestan under Chinese occupation had neither Ramadan nor will they have Eid…

Not only that, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) run government has transferred Uyghurs and other ethnic minority citizens from East Turkestan to factories across the country. Under conditions that strongly suggest forced labour, Uyghurs are working in factories that are in the supply chains of at least 83 well-known global brands in the technology, clothing and automotive sectors, including Nike, Gap, Adidas, Ralph Lauren, Carters and others. Read Uyghurs for Sale for more information

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CCP is also pressuring governments across the world to extradite Uyghurs back to occupied East Turkestan.

Here is what you can do to help them:

Action Items

  1. Keep making dua for the oppressed of East Turkistan and the world.
  2. Boycott Chinese products! Do not be complicit in slave labour. Start with focusing on the companies in the graphic. Share it with #SewnWithtTears, #StopChina, #BoycottChina. Write to them and demand that they do better.
  3. Raise awareness on the plight of Uyghurs and the East Turkistani cause. Learn more at SaveUighur.org
  4. Work towards reducing your country’s economic dependence on China.
  5. Build alliances with all people of conscience to demand a cessation of China’s oppression of all faith groups, be it Muslim Uyghur, Hui; Chinese Christian; or Tibetan Buddhist.
  6. Encourage and promote fairer trade and commerce with Muslims and others rather than China.
  7. Inquire about Uyghur diaspora members in your area. Organize to help out orphans, widows, and students.
  8. Pressure governments to provide legal protection to Uyghur refugees-exiles by granting either citizenship or refugee/asylee status. Stop the “extradition/repatriation” of Uyghurs to China!
  9. Get your universities/endowments to divest from China. Raise awareness about Chinese espionage and hired guns in academia. Demand academic and financial support for Uyghur scholars and students. Request more academic attention and funds for Central Asian, Uyghur, Turkistani studies. 

Read a greater discussion of action items in A Response to Habib Ali Al-Jifri’s Comments on the Uyghurs, which also contains a greater discussion on East Turkistan’s history and its current situation. A condensed Arabic version of the article can be found here

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#Islam

30 Khawaatir in 30 Days- A Parent’s Guide | Day 9: A Good Word

Now that we have learnt about the life of this world, let’s talk about a good word.

I want you all to close your eyes and think of a beautiful tree. 

Question: Who can tell me what their tree looks like? Is the tree big and strong? Does it have lots of branches and leaves? Does it have fruit?

Now, I want you to think of a time when someone said something really nice to you.

Question:  What are some of the nice statements you remember people telling you?

Question: How did those statements make you feel?

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Yes, they fill us up with a warm feeling. We may have felt proud of ourselves and we may have felt loved. Do you know that Allah [wt] describes a good word to a good tree? 

In Surah Ibrahim, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says:

أَلَمْ تَرَ كَيْفَ ضَرَبَ اللَّهُ مَثَلًا كَلِمَةً طَيِّبَةً كَشَجَرَةٍ طَيِّبَةٍ أَصْلُهَا ثَابِتٌ وَفَرْعُهَا فِي السَّمَاءِ 

تُؤْتِي أُكُلَهَا كُلَّ حِينٍ بِإِذْنِ رَبِّهَا ۗ وَيَضْرِبُ اللَّهُ الْأَمْثَالَ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ 

Have you not considered how Allah presents an example, [making] a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches [high] in the sky? [Surah Ibrahim; 24]

It produces its fruit all the time, by permission of its Lord. And Allah presents examples for the people that perhaps they will be reminded. [Surah Ibrahim; 25]

Question: Now, I want you to think of a time when someone said something mean to you. How did that make you feel?

It’s not fun to remember the mean stuff right? Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) continues in Surah Ibrahim and says:

وَمَثَلُ كَلِمَةٍ خَبِيثَةٍ كَشَجَرَةٍ خَبِيثَةٍ اجْتُثَّتْ مِن فَوْقِ الْأَرْضِ مَا لَهَا مِن قَرَارٍ

And the example of a bad word is like a bad tree, uprooted from the surface of the earth, not having any stability. [Surah Ibrahim; 26] 

Question: What do you think are good words we can use to build strong, firmly rooted trees?

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