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What Every Muslim Ought to Know About Suicide

Published

March 9, 2016

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By Saba Malik

About eight years ago, I attended a depression mastery seminar by a prominent Muslim shaykh. At the time, I was learning about Muslims who have suicide attempts. In the back of my mind, I vaguely understood that suicide wasn’t allowed in Islam. But wondered why did Muslims who practiced their faith regularly still tried to kill themselves.

At the end of the seminar, I went up to the teacher and asked, “If a Muslim commits suicide, what happens to them.” I also shared some stories of some people I knew who were facing severe thoughts of ending their lives. After hearing my spiel, he simply said, “If a person kills himself or herself, they’re going straight to hell.” I still remember those words and the way he said them and the way they made me feel. I shook right to my brain. Alhamdulillah, this one powerful statement has left a lasting mark on me for years and allows me to help Muslims going through severe depression. The problem isn’t that we are unaware of this ayah “Nor kill yourselves”[i] in the Quran. The bigger issue is who has “real” suicide issues and who is merely having thoughts like, “Oh my God, my kids are driving me nuts! I just want to kill myself.”

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[i] Quran (4:29)

There’s a second part to the depression seminar story. The shaykh also shared that he knew someone who committed suicide. The deceased’s family comforted themselves thinking that he wasn’t going to hell because he was sick. Interestingly, the shaykh disagreed. Allah is the ultimate judge and when you have suicidal thoughts or even attempt it, what do you make of it? Are you a bad Muslim? What if you actually killed yourself, what would be your fate?

Are the Rules Different for the Mentally Ill

I recently had the privilege of being in the company of an intelligent psychiatrist, and an insightful imam. The best part was that they were in the same room. After talking to them, I learned (which makes total sense now) that when a Muslim commits suicide and they are insane and have lost touch with reality, different conditions apply to them. On the other hand, when a believer commits suicide while fully understanding their actions and the ensuing results, they are in a different category.

This nuance in what constitutes as suicide can be a breath of fresh air, especially for Muslims with mental illnesses. If you have clinical depression or bipolar or other diagnosed mental illnesses, it’s not easy. A friend of mine recently had a suicide attempt where she did lose touch with reality. She had hallucinations and heard voices that were cheering her on to kill herself. She later told me that it was the most frightening thing in her life because she was not in control. She also said her eyes could see. Her fingers could feel. Her ears could hear. Yet she was blind, deaf and mute because her brain could not process all the incoming stimuli. That is what constitutes as insanity. It is different from other suicide committed by fully sane people. This suicidal attempt also came on very suddenly. Her therapist reassured her later that yes this can happen. Out of no fault of her own, she can kill herself because she has a severe mental illness. We are not in a place to say so and so is going to hell because only Allah truly knows how sane or insane someone is at the time of the a suicide attempt.

“To all those suffering from sadness or depression, know that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because you’re weak. It isn’t because you’re just not grateful enough. It isn’t because you’re just not religious enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough faith. It isn’t because God is angry with you. To all the well-meaning people who tell you this, just smile. And know deep in your heart that the tests of God come in different forms to different people. And know that, by the help of God, every test can become a tool to get closer to Him. And that, verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass.”[ii]

A sick Muslim after a surgery or getting cancer is showered with flowers and well wishes. A person in the psych ward who was just pulled away from jumping off that bridge only gets called crazy, a bad Muslim, doomed to hell, weak and just plain stupid. They might even be shamed to death, literally. But again, there is a distinction to be made between the everyday depression and thoughts of dying versus diagnosed mental illnesses, such as depression. Clinical mental illnesses have symptoms of suicidal thoughts and attempts. Depression is much more than grief and sadness. “It’s officially diagnosed by the DSM- IV as depressed mood systems lasting most of the day for a period of at least two weeks”[iii].

Dr. Abdullah al-Khater (d. 1989), professor at the Faculty of Medicine at the University of King Faisal, says, “A depressed person becomes less productive, concentrates less and starts to develop signs of forgetfulness. He may consider this life worthless and may even regard himself insignificant and worthless. He may wish for death and contemplate suicide.”[iv]

Depression with an organic, hereditary cause or chemical imbalance needs to be treated with many tools. Here is a preliminary list:

Regular salah
Medication
Therapy such as psychotherapy or cognitive behavioral therapy
Regular exercise
Healthy eating
Good sleep hygiene
Keeping up with physical hygiene
Active and meaningful social relationships
Support groups or blog
Giving back to your community

For situational depression (caused by trauma, loss and death), Dr. Abdullah al-Khater  gives eight remedies in his book “Grief and Depression: From an  Islamic Perspective.” The above remedies can also be used for the everyday woes alongside the medication. Dr. al-Khater gives the following eight solutions:

Using the Islamic creed
Doing righteous deeds
Offering salah and reciting prayers
Contemplating the worst cases
Having good opinions
Living with a realistic – not idealistic – point of view
Behaving well towards other and yourself
Having hope

When you are feeling depressed, are having suicidal thoughts and have gone through the above list, something else is going on. Get professional help. It is okay to see a psychiatrist. If you had a thyroid problem, you would go to an endocrinologist. So when your brain is not preforming the way it should, you simply see the brain specialist. You need to see a doctor when depression is getting to the point that it’s hindering your ability to work or take care of your family or complete your studies or to live a normal life. Moreover, you need to find your purpose in life. Yes, we live to worship Allah but what does that mean to you? How are you living for Allah with the talents you have? What gives your life, passion, purpose and pizzazz?

Lastly, many mental illness patients get told countless times to get off their meds. Would you ever say that to a person with a crutch? “Let that go. You don’t need it. Try walking on your own!” That’s absurd. Yet, many Muslims say things like that about psycho-pharmaceutical drugs left and right. Do your research, find out what you need and the pros and cons of medical treatments. Nod politely at that aunty or uncle who tells you that you’re fine and just need to pray more. If that were the only thing that worked, wouldn’t all the severe depression in the world be cured by now? That is the main reason I started blogging – to dispel the ignorance. I also write so I can connect with different Muslims who are going through the same thing.

We need to take a holistic approach to treating suicide. We cannot make blanket statements or become the judge. Prayer and placing your trust is part of the solutions but you also need to lock that car with your keys. When you or a friend realizes the depression in their life, comfort them or yourself. Reach out and get help. Come my blog for support. And when you are feeling super suicidal and are thinking of ways to kill yourself, call 911 or 1-800-273-8255. For help with situational depression, call the Muslim helpline at 1-866-NASEEHA.

Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Saba Malik is a blogger at and founder of www.MuslimBipolar.com. She is a teacher, life coach and author of, “Blessed with Bipolar -The Muslim’s 3-Step Support Guide to Mastering Bipolar.” She lives on earth with her husband and their daughter. She loves running, reading, rain and can be reached at info@muslimbipolar.com.

References

[i] Quran (4:29)

[ii] Yasmin Mogahed

[iii] What is Bipolar Disorder?, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder: A 4-Step Plan for you and Your Loved Ones to Manage the Illness and Create Lasting Stability (New York: Warner Wellness, 2006).

[iv] Depression: Dr. Abdullah al-Khater., Grief and Depression: from an Islamic Perspective (London: Deluxe Printers, 2001).

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44 Comments

Emily Moore

March 9, 2016 at 1:05 PM

Bipolar disorder symptoms may differ from person to person: they vary in their pattern, severity, and frequency. Some people are more inclined to the manic stage, others – to the depressive stage. And some may have these stages progress evenly. For more info please visit undepress.net/what-is-bipolar-depression-description-and-definition/

Reply
Reader

March 9, 2016 at 3:41 PM

Salaam Saba,
A great piece about an important topic we tend to ignore ☺. It’s good to see that you are breaking down this social stigma, Alhamdulliah, for the benefit of our ummah. We all need to be more open and aware, like you mentioned – living with family members who suffered from depression has also been a real eye opener for me to understand too.
Keep it up!

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:42 PM
  
  Wasalaam Reader,
  
  May Allah reward you for the comment for the supportive comment!
  
  Reply
Anon

March 9, 2016 at 6:43 PM

Thank you for the article. However i would like to add a few things:
1) organic/hereditary depression cannot be treated nor managed with the things in your list as the nature of low depressive moods is that the person does not want to engage in anything at all. The depression wont allow them to.
2) whoever the imam was who told you you would go to hell needs a good hard slap. Giving out disgusting and harmful advice where the one being spoken to is not considered is not helpful nor beneficial.

Suicide is a sin. But it is not kufr, it does not take you out of the fold of Islam. Our sins can lead us to the hellfire & yes, we will he raised in the state in which we died, but to categorically state to someone with bipolar disorder that suicide WILL lead them to hell is despicable. Whatever happened to people not giving opionions on that which they know nothing about?

I am so sick to death of the muslims soeaking about depression in a fashion that they know nothing about. And that is not directed at you sister, im talking about every other article or talk ive read/heard on this topic. I live with someone with clinical depression. The doctors dont even fully understand this stuff…but why is it that our community members feel they can answer everything away? Do u think that a person with depression doesnt want to get out of it? Do u think its not an everyday, everyminute drain on them that touches EVERY single aspect of their lives? Like, really!???
And then you have the audacity to make them feel like even more of a piece of crap than they already feel??
Audhubillah…may God spare us all from the hellfire we like to condemn others to but dont realise how close we are to it ourselves. Ameen

Reply
- M.Mahmud
  
  March 21, 2016 at 2:24 PM
  
  One thing in fact I find that is helpful to mitigate or protect from depression and anxiety and feelings of sorrow is fear of Allah and the akhirah. It sounds strange but when one considers the absolute greatness of Allah aza wa jal, how much better and more lasting Jannah is and how much severer and more lasting Jahannam is, one sees the dunya for what is is. It is actually to me the most helpful out of all things, better than family or entertainment, or pleasure or friends.
  
  Ina lillahi wa ina ilayhi raji’oon doesn’t necessarily need to be limited to a statement of hope. It can, if Allah wills, also be used as a statement of humble fear. When one realizes the severity of what is ahead and the urgency to prepare, everything else goes out the window, all other feels are mitigated and feel sucked out.
  
  Knowing that you are in an emergency is probably the best therapy out there at least for me.
  
  I hope other Muslims (and myself) get a taste of this a lot. I feel like this kind of thing is what the Sahaba RA had a lot(they used to weep out of fear of Allah aza wa jal) and it made patience a lot easier for them.
  
  We always think of hope as the best means of remaining patient but I think people neglect the incredible power fear has as well. If we combine both, we may be so involved in the akhirah we actually have to be reminded to not forget this life.
  
  That’s my two cents, may Allah gift us with hope in His mercy and fear of His punishment until our last moments and make patience easy for us and relieve us of the heaviness of this life. May he inspire us with such a sense of dreadful urgency we are preoccupied with what we ought to be preoccupied with.
  
  Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:41 PM
  
  You are welcome for the article Anon.
  
  I made that list according to my experience and those of others. Of course it doesn’t have to nor will it work for everyone.
  
  About the rest of your post, join the club!
  
  The only healthy way I could deal with my frustration of mental illness stigma in our community was to blog…
  
  Reply
- Smeagle
  
  June 21, 2020 at 5:19 AM
  
  Someome speaking sense!@anon
  
  Putting it lightly, this article is terrible. I hope no one with an actual mental health issue reads this as it’ll probably leave them feeling worse. Also who still uses the word insane in this day and age? Its not even a medical term.
  
  Reply
Ismail

March 9, 2016 at 11:22 PM

Excellent piece! ‘Stick it’ to the Stigma!

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:37 PM
  
  lol Thanks Ismail
  
  Reply
Amina

March 9, 2016 at 11:39 PM

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! SENDING MY LOVE TO YOU! XOXOXOX

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:37 PM
  
  You are welcome Amina :)
  
  Reply
junaid

March 10, 2016 at 5:05 AM

eye opener for me to understand too.
Keep it up! Bipolar disorder symptoms may differ from person to person: they vary in their pattern, severity, and frequency. Some people are more inclined to the manic stage, others – to the depressive stage. And some may have these stages progress evenly.

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:36 PM
  
  You are right Junaid.
  
  Bipolar varies from person to person and so does the treatment. That can be very challenging to treat as well since every patient usually needs their own cocktail of meds…
  
  Some recover more easily than others as well…
  
  Reply
Jonaid

March 10, 2016 at 9:30 PM

Salam Alaykum.

“Lastly, many mental illness patients get told countless times to get off their meds. Would you ever say that to a person with a crutch? “Let that go. You don’t need it. Try walking on your own!” That’s absurd. Yet, many Muslims say things like that about psycho-pharmaceutical drugs left and right. Do your research, find out what you need and the pros and cons of medical treatments. Nod politely at that aunty or uncle who tells you that you’re fine and just need to pray more. If that were the only thing that worked, wouldn’t all the severe depression in the world be cured by now? That is the main reason I started blogging – to dispel the ignorance. I also write so I can connect with different Muslims who are going through the same thing.”

As someone who’s battled several psychiatric disorders over the course of the past decade and a half, I agree with you here. I was majorly depressed 7 years ago and even contemplated suicide. As it happens, I was an atheist at the time so I cannot relate to your experience of having depression while believing in God. Nonetheless, at the time I took anti-depressant and stimulant medication to make me functional again. I discontinued the anti-depressants after 8 months but continued the stimulants.

Last year I went thru about 5 months of severe mood swings & depression resulting from trauma. This time no amount of anti-depressants or stimulants helped. I had my spiritual awakening (God literally saved me) and since then I’ve been better than I have been in years, without any drugs. I’ve been taking stimulants for inattention for about 6 years now. I realized since my “awakening” that my dependency on them has waned. Gradually I’ve brought myself down to less than a quarter of my regular dose and I’m near certain that in a few months at most – Insha’Allah – I will not need any stimulants whatsoever to be fully attentive at all times.

What I learned from my own experience is that while praying and asking God directly for help is certainly beneficial, it does not mean that God will “cure” you overnight. It is gradual but it does occur. To me it’s a miracle that I don’t need nearly as much medication to be focused anymore. Inattention (when it’s called “ADHD”) in adults is – according to psychiatrists – chronic. In 6 years I did not lower my dose but now, thank God, I get by just fine without anywhere near as much I as I once needed.

I wouldn’t have believed what I wrote here if I read it a year ago. Trust in God – ask Him to guide you and protect you always. Ask directly and sincerely and be patient.

May God help you.

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:33 PM
  
  Salaam Jonaid, I couldn’t have said it better. A lot of people tell me to blog using spirituality and keep it more open. Some people can do that but to me God is very important to mental illness recovery.
  
  Only God can truly get someone through the mental hell of bipolar and depression. Yes, it takes meds, therapy and doctors but those are gifts and lifelines that God sends. Some people recognize that and get closer to Him and others don’t.
  
  Alhumdulillah we are very blessed to still be guided by Allah…
  
  Reply
Abu Ibrahim

March 12, 2016 at 12:35 AM

May Allah swt reward you for sharing your experience Saba, and may he grant you Shifa. Kudos to Jonaid as well. Experiential learning from people living with mental illness who have the Islamic perspective is priceless. There is a drive internationally to improve peer support and dispel stigma (as this is what works). Your two lists are great!.

Sh Yahya Ibrahim’s article last Ramadan highlighting the need to manage self-stigma is also dead-on. Understanding the Islamic narrative about ‘tests’ and praying to Allah not to place on us burdens we cannot bear (last 2 verses of Surah al Baqarah) gives the necessary hope, comfort and resilience to manage suicidal thoughts and impulses. It’s amazing Allah did not leave us without guidance, whatever the qadar (Q87:1-3), as seen in this prayer against suicidal wishes, taught by our beloved prophet (SAW), narrated by Anas Ibn Malik in Bukhari:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “None of you should wish for death because of a calamity befalling him; but if he has to wish for death, he should say: “O Allah! Keep me alive as long as life is better for me, and let me die if death is better for me.’ ”

This prayer validates distress and suicidal feelings in the sufferer but at the same time encourages reliance on Allah. The Islamic “awakening” (to quote Jonaid) or understanding is much needed to stem the tide of suicide in children and adolescents. Low frustration tolerance appears to be a key factor (as for divorce trends), when compared with our ancestors. May Allah give us the necessary sabr (patience) in difficult situations. Ameen

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:28 PM
  
  Ameen to your du’a Abu Ibrahim and may Allah reward you for the comment.
  
  You shared some great insight and knowledge. Those last two verses in Surah Baqarah are like gold to me…sub han Allah.
  
  Reply
adheim

March 13, 2016 at 4:10 PM

plz edit your article and include the following hadith of the prophet peace be upon him

The Pen has been lifted from three (types of people) [Hadith]
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) Said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the sleeper until he awakens, from the child until he reaches puberty and from the insane person until he comes to his senses — or until he comes round.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4403), al-Nasaa’i (3432) and Ibn Maajah (2041). Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

There ids is no doubt that anyone with bipolar disorder or depression or the like has a mental disorder for them the pen is lifted and there is no sin on them

And Allah Knows Best.

Reply
- M.Mahmud
  
  March 21, 2016 at 2:14 PM
  
  You cannot assume all mental illnesses that are categorized as such fit the category of insanity mentioned in the ahadith. Allah is the judge, we look to fuqaha to interpret the ahadith properly. However we can seek forgiveness for all Muslim suicides, because they are our brethren in deen.
  
  It is known that whoever dies as a Muslim will sooner or later enter Jannah. What guarantees eternity in the fire is not believing in Allah and His Messenger and even the major sinners of the Ummah will be brought out of Jahannam.
  
  ومن لم يؤمن بالله ورسوله فإنا أعتدنا للكافرين سعيرا
  
  Reply
M

March 14, 2016 at 8:42 AM

As someone who gets suicidal thoughts quite often, and also knows someone who has attempted suicide this article means a lot! So Jazak Allah Khair for writing this article. I haven’t been depressed for a while Alhamdulilah but I do remember what’s it’s like to feel in that zone, it’s this lethal absence of emotion that only the person that is going through it can understand.

There is a definite need for more resources for Muslims suffering from mental illnesses. Most Muslims don’t know where to look for help or that it is OK to feel not-sane sometimes; they are just suffering in silence. So Jazak Allah Khair for sharing the information with us.

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:22 PM
  
  You are welcome M.
  
  I am very sorry to hear that you went through all that. Depression and suicide can define you or refine. It’s pretty much up to us.
  
  Yes, there does need to be more awareness so I hope my blog helps…
  
  Reply
  - Naz
    
    December 14, 2016 at 8:45 PM
    
    I am someone who has battled severe clinical depression most of my adult life. I have attempted suicide 5 times and had a full nervous breakdown 7 years ago. Five years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and finally somethings I was doing began to make sense. I have been in therapy for years now – first mentalisation behavioural therapy and now schema therapy. Still after all this time, everyday is a battle. People tell me I am weak. I lack faith. I shouldn’t listen to the doctors and that all I need to do is pray. I have been told that I am crazy. I have completely lost faith and feel resigned that I will go to hell. Some days I feel so angry at Allah. I want to die. I can not bear to look at myself and detest being in my own skin. I am withdrawn from people and have shrunk my social contact down as much as I can. I don’t trust anyone. I feel unable to love anyone. This includes my own family. Most days I don’t feel human. I just go through the motions. Pretend, smile, act at being alive so that the people who are foolish enough to love me are not alarmed. If I’m honest the only thing keeping me alive is my youngest child. She is 11. I have a 23 year old who doesn’t want to know me because she can’t forgive me for not being a normal mother. Yes she actually said that. She is more concerned that my problems are hereditary and she may get them. Don’t get me wrong. It was very tough on her growing up around my mental health issues.
    
    I am really really tired. I feel rejected by Allah. I want to die. One day I know I will take my own life. It is inevitable.
    
    Thank you for your article though. It felt good to have someone not blame but show a glimmer of understanding.
    
    Reply
ghulammustafa

March 17, 2016 at 11:21 AM

Excellent piece! May Allah swt reward you for sharing your experience

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:20 PM
  
  Ameen to your du’a and may Allah reward you for the comment.
  
  Reply
  - Ghulam Mustafa
    
    March 28, 2016 at 9:19 AM
    
    Thank you Sister.
    
    Reply
Brenda

March 18, 2016 at 3:53 PM

Thank you for sharing this powerful honest article. I’m sure it took courage because sadly nobody seems to be safe from other people’s tongues

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:20 PM
  
  May Allah reward you for the comment. Yeah it’s best to focus on our own tongues…that’s much, much easier!
  
  Reply
Sheeza

March 23, 2016 at 4:40 PM

Excellent piece! May Allah swt reward you for sharing your experience

*Name has been changed to comply to our Comments Policy*
[Please refrain from using a ‘Name’ that is considered advertising]

Reply
- Saba
  
  March 26, 2016 at 8:18 PM
  
  Ameen to your du’a and may Allah reward you for the comment.
  
  Reply
Nida

July 13, 2016 at 4:37 AM

Assalam alaikum
While I agree that changing idealism to realism is very much required, I was wondering about the medication aspect for those who are afflicted with jinn possession. The jinn hides under the tranquilizers and doping effects and the main cause is never cured. (Dr Bilal Philips in one of his lectures).
So what is your take on someone who is not mentally ill perse but confirmed spiritually possessed?
Even when it comes to suicidal tendencies for such a person, the person is at times conscious of what they are doing and at times they have no control. Allah knows best indeed. How will the patient themselves know if they are still with insight?
JazakAllah khair.

Reply
Zia-e-Taiba

August 1, 2016 at 6:24 AM

Nice to see a Blog Post related to Suicide in Islam.

Reply
Nadia

August 22, 2016 at 11:55 AM

What if you self harm? I know it’s haram but, I’d just like to know ways you could cope with it.

Reply
Ameer basha

November 30, 2016 at 11:12 PM

I love Allah very much I’m in depression pblm the scolding thoughts on Allah I love Allah very much but y it will happenig plz rply brothers

Reply
Irfan

December 10, 2016 at 12:09 PM

Yesterday, we lost a member of our community in this way.. may Allah have mercy on his soul.. it pains me deeply that a lot of people today know how utterly depressed he was, and yet were unaware that something like this was a possibility.. it pains me that we are unable to recognise that it is our responsibility to help our family members and community members in their times of severe despair.. it pains me that we simply pass blanket judgement and yet are unable to appreciate that we too should not fail our circle of influence, and that that failure too is not without consequence.. i am hurting.. may Allah have mercy on his soul..

Reply
Naz

December 14, 2016 at 8:47 PM

I am someone who has battled severe clinical depression most of my adult life. I have attempted suicide 5 times and had a full nervous breakdown 7 years ago. Five years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and finally somethings I was doing began to make sense. I have been in therapy for years now – first mentalisation behavioural therapy and now schema therapy. Still after all this time, everyday is a battle. People tell me I am weak. I lack faith. I shouldn’t listen to the doctors and that all I need to do is pray. I have been told that I am crazy. I have completely lost faith and feel resigned that I will go to hell. Some days I feel so angry at Allah. I want to die. I can not bear to look at myself and detest being in my own skin. I am withdrawn from people and have shrunk my social contact down as much as I can. I don’t trust anyone. I feel unable to love anyone. This includes my own family. Most days I don’t feel human. I just go through the motions. Pretend, smile, act at being alive so that the people who are foolish enough to love me are not alarmed. If I’m honest the only thing keeping me alive is my youngest child. She is 11. I have a 23 year old who doesn’t want to know me because she can’t forgive me for not being a normal mother. Yes she actually said that. She is more concerned that my problems are hereditary and she may get them. Don’t get me wrong. It was very tough on her growing up around my mental health issues.

I am really really tired. I feel rejected by Allah. I want to die. One day I know I will take my own life. It is inevitable.

Thank you for your article though. It felt good to have someone not blame but show a glimmer of understanding.

Reply
Mohamed

July 16, 2017 at 5:38 PM

I simply want to die because I don’t want life. I don’t like life. I don’t like how it works. I don’t like to wake up, to eat, to talk, to pray, to read Quran, to go college, or to bother with doing anything. I have HIV, I intentionally stopped medication because I don’t want to extend my life period. But I can’t wait until I die naturally. I have difficult life. But I don’t blame because I know the solutions. But I don’t want anything. No jannah, no jahannam. I wish to not exist at all. I feel like I’m stuck, Allah didn’t give a choice like that. Allah never asked us whether to stay created or not. Just straight away gave life and called it a gift. Never gave choice to not have it. Hell or heaven only. Just makes me angry on Allah. I feel like killing myself. But that would take me to hell. But I don’t mind not having jannah. So it’s okay for me to not exist. Why can’t Allah understand that and make me disappear. Is that because Allah is unable. Or stubborn on his decision. I just want to die. And not exist. Idk what to do anymore. I don’t even intend to live. Whether happy or unhappy. I never wanted any blessings. Now Allah is making me need blessings. I just hate everyone, everything, including Allah and it’s creations. Why.

Reply
- Wen
  
  November 27, 2017 at 10:40 AM
  
  I hope since you posted this Mohamed you have found some one to help. I felt like you have described for a long time, wishing I didn’t exist, wishing I would not wake up to another day. Going through the motions every one else expects, smile, laugh, say what you know is the palatable response, because saying the truth about how you really feel, has people backing away from you. I felt like I was the walking dead, I breathed, I worked, I went through all the motions of a living human being but inside I was exhausted from keeping up the pretence. The world held no joy, everything I used to once find pleasure in, now seemed like dust in my mouth. I lost the will to live and lost the ability to see the beauty all around me. Depression can come about from many causes. Loss of a loved one, traumatic events, Chemical imbalance, exposure to toxic substances. A cumulation of events that have occurred in our life, which on the surface we think we have dealt with it or its not that bad, or others have suffered worse, but inside in our heart we still carry that pain buried so far down so I can convince myself it doesn’t bother me, or push it away if it does, minimise it by telling myself stop being soft, toughen up, others have suffered more than me, I should not be so weak. Over time all those unpleasant events in life add up, on there own they may seem insignificant, not as bad as other situations you have been through but depression can creep on on you slowly one situation at a time until one day even the tiniest silliest situation can have you over reacting because you just cant take anymore. it but it was the straw that broke the camels back. I withdrew from people more and more, isolated myself, it was easier to be on my own, the effort of pretending to live was too tiring. I wanted to be left alone, I wanted to die, I wanted my life over. I screamed foul abuse at a God I wasn’t sure I even believed existed, for this life he inflicted on me. I was deeply depressed, angry, hating everything around me, pushing everyone away or driving them away because I couldn’t pretend anymore, I couldn’t keep up the facade in front of others anymore, I felt a deep loneliness inside that nothing eased. Seeking help is not easy and often those offering help even with multiple degrees stuck all over their wall can be outstandingly useless and make things worse, but don’t give up, no matter how many doors you have to walk out of because that person wasn’t helpful, try the next one.
  And now Faith is restoring me to life. I screamed at this God, abused him and denied him, if he did exist I blamed him for destroying me again, had I not suffered enough, no this God everyone tried to console me with, stood by and did nothing and I was told it was his will. If this God existed then I hated him, so it was better to not believe in anything at all. I was blind and ignorant, I thought I was intelligent, I was a fool. I tried to end it, This God I hated or denied had other plans, I prayed for his wisdom to help me understand. Gods wisdom is infinite and true and brings peace, mine was limited and flawed keeping me in a dark place.
  
  Reply
Nadeem

July 27, 2017 at 11:03 PM

Who is the shaykh you keep referring to. Also people commit suicide after a long period of time. It needs to be dealt with by talking and trying to help the person whether it being advice on getting a job, education, family, and spending time with them make them happy by giving something, also suicidal people like to be alone the best thing is to make them happy about this life and the hereafter. You cannot simply just state you are going to hell because the Qur’an or hadith states it. You need to be practical god is all merciful only he knows what a person goes through and i hate scholars who judge someone by reading some text and label people whos going to hell or not.

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Vanitas

January 28, 2018 at 10:14 PM

I am 53 years old, educated muslim woman. Outwardly, it seems like I have a good life but I’ve been suffering from depression since I was a young girl. As I get older, I feel more and more depressed, anxious and suicidal. It seems like there is an invisible force that bringing me down, making my life miserable and unhappy. Sometimes i think I am perhaps cursed as my life is so dysfunctional, I am unable to have a proper relationship, always meeting the wrong type of men and we end up splitting up. My friendship with people never last very long, sadly leaving me to stay on my own, pretty much all the time.
I am really suffering and although I have tried in vain to fight the depression, pushing away the thoughts of killing myself, but most of the time suicide seems to be the only way to stop the pain. At this time I don’t care if I am going to hell or not, life on earth is pretty much as painful as hell.

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Ahmed

March 15, 2018 at 3:41 AM

Islam and suicide are two totally different directions. Please don’t follow the direction of Shaitan (Satan). Thoughts of suicide directly come from Shaitan (Satan). Every single person Shaitan is able to convince of suicide is victory for him. Because suicide is direct one way trip to eternal hell. And according to Quran Shaitan promised to Allah that he will fill hell with humans, only those who are Allah’s men (momins).

True Iman and connection to Allah exactly counter these suicide thoughts and depression. No sickness, any difficulty or whatever the condition is momin will always smile from heart and say “Alhumdulillah”.

Please try to connect to Allah, ask from him wisdom through Quran and Messenger Mohammads (P.B.U.H) way of life to counter these evil thoughts of suicide.

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M

April 19, 2018 at 5:28 PM

Thank you, you helped save me

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yfroz

December 29, 2018 at 4:31 AM

Hey it said follow my blog. I can’t find it.

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Anonymous

July 25, 2019 at 2:16 PM

I thought this religion is of mercy and kindness… I know sucide is wrong.. I’m suicidal… I came to see if Allah consoles me.. but he’s just telling I’ll go to hell for sucide.. I know this… but no compassion? no words to comfort me? I’m not reading this entire article.. It might be 100% true but it’s 100% wrong approach towards the topic… I only searched on google what does islam says for someone whos suicidal so there may be some comforting words that’ll help me….

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Faisal

June 10, 2020 at 7:40 AM

Informative article.
We need to know our Islam closely.

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