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She is in Love with a Classmate from Another Faith and Needs Advice




How would you advise a girl who has fallen in love with a guy of another faith at her high school? She is a practicing Muslimah, and she was not having an “affair” with him or anything; she never touched him. She interacts with him everyday, and initially she thought it was just one sided but now the guy has confessed his love for her and she was courageous enough to leave immediately. She is overwhelmed with emotions and fighting a battle of faith and love. What would you say to her?

Siraaj: I wouldn’t start by telling her that her emotions are wrong or bad.

I would focus on re-asserting or reinforcing her identity as a Muslim.  The more dire consequence I’ve seen for some is attempting to reconcile their identity as a Muslim with their emotion, and sometimes the emotion is chosen such that they have to leave Islam altogether to feel okay with dating.

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So my basic approach would be to focus on what she did right – that her eman is strong, masha’Allah, that this life is a test and she’s passing, that Allah tests those whom He loves with the more difficult tests to reward them, that even Yusuf [as] went through this test and would rather deal with imprisonment than that test.

I’d also relate the story of Barseesa, the lesson from that, and how she did the right thing and turned away before it descended into disbelief.  I’d also mention what I mentioned above then about how this is one way others have lost their Islam, and that she did the right thing and protected herself.

That it’s not allowed will be implicit in congratulating and reinforcing her, I believe.  I would not berate her with the haram card – that this is haram, that you should stay away from such relationships, how could you? What’s wrong with you? See this is what happens in a mixed environment, and the usual negative I-told-you-so dialogue.

I would not put down the guy she’s in love with, and I would not put down her emotions either.  I would reinforce that this is a test from Allah, and that she took the first step forward by walking away physically and the more difficult battle of walking away mentally lies ahead, by blocking him out of her life wherever she can.

People in these situations also often want to talk about their situation – that person, their story, how she liked him, how she found out, every nuance has meaning and often they need to just get that out and need a person they can trust to talk without feeling they’ll be attacked.  The person that can do that will insha’Allah establish trust with them first at an emotional level and then be better able to influence them.

That’s how I’d go about it, given the situation as described.

Hena: At this point she needs someone calm and collected who can talk her through her emotions.

I would hold her and hug her tight, give her a physical warmth if I was in the same place.

Carrying the weight of this secret is phenomenal stress. High school is already so stressful and our girls are bombarded with this notion of ‘love’ since they are little.  The first love experience is very strong. The intensity that we feel at that age is much more magnified than the emotions we have as we age, but feelings are just that… feelings and they eventually pass.

Most high school in-love relationships do not survive even if both people are from the same faith.  They fall out of ‘love’ or cannot bridge the separation that graduation brings, when you don’t see the person everyday in the hallways and in class. After graduation most kids take new directions.

Her feelings may not be controllable but she can control her actions.

How you found out is important too. Did she come to you or did you find out? If she came to you then honor her wisdom.
Just as Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) turned the sahabi’s face away, you have to metaphorically and gently help her turn her heart away.
Please do emphasize the Hub (love) of the Creator versus love of the creation. Bring it back to Allah. There is no pain-free way to go through this. If the tears are flowing ask her to cry out to Him. Ask her make this dua- “O Allah, o controller of hearts and eyes, make my heart firm upon your religion.”
You sound like you have confidence in her, that should reflect in your tone and that is a great help knowing that someone who you respect has faith in you. Help her make a concrete plan on how she can cut back contact with him and check on her from time to time.
May Allah make it easy on her and give her the shade of His Throne.

Nadya: A very important thing I’d remind her of is dua’a…

That although some people might understand some of what she’s going through, only Allah knows EXACTLY what she’s feeling and EXACTLY how hard what she’s going through is. I’d tell that when she’s alone (either in sujood or just regular dua’a) to spill her heart out to Allah, talk about exactly what she’s feeling and going through, to know that He knows how hard it is, and to ask Him to give her the strength to pass this test, get through this, and to be able to put her faith above her emotions despite how hard and torturous it may be.

 I’d remind her that this is a test for her. Everyone gets tested in life because that’s how Allah distinguishes those who are patient and deserving of Jannah from others. Some people are tested with death of loved ones, some with sickness, some with poverty or riches, and some are tested with love and emotions. Her loving him in secret is a test in and of itself, but him expressing his love back?!? Oh boy…That’s a huge, giant. flashing neon sign saying, “Big test from Allah! Big test from Allah!”
I’m also reminded of the ayah in Surat Al Baqarah:
“…and it may be that you hate a thing which is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (2:216)
Mention the ayah if the situation is appropriate and it seems befitting. This could be of benefit as well.



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  1. Talish

    June 22, 2013 at 8:27 AM

    She could ask the guy whether or not he’s willing to consider Islam. There could still be a happy ending to all of this…

    • Abu Asiyah

      June 22, 2013 at 10:43 AM

      With all due respect, that’s a terrible idea. Not the da’wah part, but the hoping it would work out. First of all, it’s high school. How many couples do you know that lasted past high school for more than a year or two? In my school, none. And that’s without the complications of different cultures, the guy’s parents disowning him for becoming Muslim (possible) or just hating the girl for bringing him to it (also possible), or her own parents pulling a racist card (also possible, unfortunately) and refusing the marriage, or just saying she needs to wait until she gets her PhD.

      And even if all of the above is not a problem, as a convert myself I can tell you that it’s a terrible idea to have a convert marry within the first few years of accepting Islam. A convert changes dramatically in those years and an ideal spouse changes in his mind too.

      And on top of that, they’re both emotional, which is a recipe for a disaster in deciding which person to stay with for the rest of one’s life.

      The good thing is that if she comes through this incident, her imaan will increase and she will have a really awesome experience/lesson under her belt for the future, inshaAllah. Things like this definitely helped me to make good decisions in the long-term, even if I had to suffer short-term.

      • Talish

        June 22, 2013 at 12:45 PM

        First of all, none of us really know what their exact situation is or how mature they are. Second of all, she’s not the only one who’s living this life and being tested by Allah. By no means am I suggesting that he accepts the religion just to be with her. All I was saying was that if after finding out about the religion he sincerely wished to accept it then there could be “a happy ending”, considering that he would have accepted Islam and they could be together if they wanted to. I understand what you and the authors have said, but I was just suggesting that we look at things from all perspectives and stop looking at the guy as if he’s nothing but a test for her.

        • Abu Asiyah

          June 22, 2013 at 5:23 PM

          I wasn’t even considering the idea that he would convert just for her. My point is that even if he is sincere, it is a bad idea for the reason I mentioned.

          In my early days as a Muslim, I met a sister and we wanted to get married. Over the year that the process was going on, my views on Islam were no longer the same and we became incompatible. I had to cancel the process while hurting her whole family.

          This is just one reason among many why I think it’s a terrible idea to get married to fresh converts. If the convert is insincere, it’s a whole other bag of problems.

        • Afzaly

          September 4, 2013 at 5:48 AM

          thats so true Talish. It coud be a way of dawah if done right coz theres always a possiblity :)

    • Veda23

      June 22, 2013 at 10:49 AM

      @ Talish… Under no circumstances unless the guy himself was forward about considering Islam should it ever be a topic! The amount of people who convert for a girl or a guy and then once that goes sour they leave Islam with a bitter taste. This should always be of someone’s own accord and true will. Not because the family might be magically accepting of him/ her because of it (there is a whole other article that could be written here on the this topic). But getting back Muslim women not being able to marry non-Muslim men. I urge everyone to look at the Qur’an and find where it exactly says women cannot marry outside the faith. Look at the history of this ruling even and what it meant in context. The Qur’an says explicitly that men can marry women of “the book” but doesn’t explicitly women can or cannot. Maybe this conversation we’re having need to be considered from a different angle…

      • Fareed

        June 22, 2013 at 12:00 PM

        im pretty sure woman are not allowed to marry outside of their faith at all..but muslim men may marry from the people of the book.
        i wil try to get sources soon

        • Fareed

          June 22, 2013 at 12:05 PM

          Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition�. (al-Baqarah, 221).

          • Fareed

            June 22, 2013 at 12:06 PM

            (Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book�. (al-Ma�idah, 5).

          • Reed

            June 22, 2013 at 8:33 PM

            Selam alaykum Fareed, What translation are you using? I looked at six different translations, and instead of “unbelieving”, they translate to polytheists, idolaters, or female associators. A Jew would not fit any of those translations.

          • idesireranks

            June 24, 2013 at 2:09 AM

            Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

            As a matter of fact, Reed, a Jew definitely would. All non-Muslims are Mushriks. Ibn Abbas RA when commenting on that ayah said the exception to that are Ahlul Kitab. There is an ayah in Surah Tauba explicitly describing the shirk of the Jews and the Christians. I suggest you go read that ayah and how the Prophet sallahualayhiwasalam explained that ayah to Adi RA who converted from Christianity to Islam. Shirk is not just believing someone else creates besides Allah aza wa jal or that Allah ta’ala has a son or a wife. The reality is that As-Shirk, what we call major shirk, the kind that Allah does not forgive has many different forms, which are mentioned in the Quran.

            Anyone who does not believe in Muhammad sallahualayhiwasalam is a mushrik. They are worshipping Shaytan by obeying him when he commands them to disbelieve. The Quran is pretty explicit on what is shirk and what is kufr.

            As you already know from Andrew Booso’s wonderful article on Suhaib Webb’s website, all Jews and Christians today who hear of Islam and do not believe it are Companions of the Fire. This Ummah of Muslims itself is 2/3ds of Jannah. Knowing that the Jews and Christians and the rest of the Mushrikeen are kuffar is a requirement to being a Muslim.

            Allah promised the fire for whoever does shirk and he promised the fire for whoever does kufr.

            As the Prophet sallahualayhiwasalam said, none will enter Paradise except a Muslim soul.

            As Allah said, akrij qawmaka minathuloomati ilanur(bring your people out of the darkness’s, into the light.)

            There are multiple darkness’s-but there is only one light.

          • Reed

            June 24, 2013 at 5:41 AM

            Mushrik is a polytheist, someone who associates partners with Allah (swt). Jews do not do that.

            Although many would agree with what you have said, the Quran clearly states,

            “Verily! Those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians, and Sabians, whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.” (2.62)

          • Gibran

            June 24, 2013 at 4:59 PM

            Reed, to be a Muslim, you must kaffirize non-Muslims. It is a requirement. Otherwise we will have kaffirs who think they are Muslim and say, Hindus can go to Jannah because they believe in one God, just in different forms. And that ayah has already been explained to you on Suhaib And there are other ayat that explicitly condemn the Jews and Christians to Jahannam and there are ayat that explicitly condemn them for disbelief. There is also the ayah that was revealed after the ayah that you just posted,

            “And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.”

            The truth has been made pretty clear to you I believe. I’m sure many people would agree with you, but I know that Muslims agree with me.

            Jews CERTAINLY commit shirk. You clearly do not understand the definition of shirk and you clearly do not understand the Arabic definition of “ilah” translated as “god” in English if you don’t see how they commit shirk. Allah condemned anyone who does kufr and anyone who does shirk to Jahannam forever in the Quran. Allah describes them as Kafirreen in Surah Al-Baqarah. In another ayah, Allah aza wa jal promises the disbelievers the blaze wherein they remain for eternity. They will be turning their faces over in the fire like they are being flipped on a frying pan(as per Nouman Ali Khans explanation of the ayah near the end of Surah al-Ahzab.)

            “They have taken as lords beside Allah their rabbis and their monks and the Messiah son of Mary, when they were bidden to worship only One Allah. There is no Allah save Him. Be He Glorified from all that they ascribe as partner (unto Him)!”

            This is from Surah Tauba

            Imam Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Jarir At-Tabari recorded a Hadith via several chains of narration, from `Adi bin Hatim, may Allah be pleased with him, who became Christian during the time of Jahiliyyah. When the call of the Messenger of Allah reached his area, `Adi ran away to Ash-Sham, and his sister and several of his people were captured. The Messenger of Allah freed his sister and gave her gifts. So she went to her brother and encouraged him to become Muslim and to go to the Messenger of Allah . `Adi, who was one of the chiefs of his people (the tribe of Tai’) and whose father, Hatim At-Ta’i, was known for his generosity, went to Al-Madinah. When the people announced his arrival, `Adi went to the Messenger of Allah wearing a silver cross around his neck. The Messenger of Allah recited this Ayah;

            ﴿اتَّخَذُواْ أَحْبَـرَهُمْ وَرُهْبَـنَهُمْ أَرْبَاباً مِّن دُونِ اللَّهِ﴾

            (They took their rabbis and their monks to be their lords besides Allah). `Adi commented, “I said, `They did not worship them.”’ The Prophet said,

            «بَلَى إِنَّهُمْ حَرَّمُوا عَلَيْهِمُ الْحَلَالَ وَأَحَلُّوا لَهُمُ الْحَرَامَ فَاتَّبَعُوهُمْ فَذَلِكَ عِبَادَتُهُمْ إِيَّاهُم»

            (Yes they did. They (rabbis and monks) prohibited the allowed for them (Christians and Jews) and allowed the prohibited, and they obeyed them. This is how they worshiped them.)

          • Gibran

            June 24, 2013 at 5:10 PM

            But, I’m going to explain that ayah one more time and you will understand it and accept it this time inshaa Allah.

            “Verily! Those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians, and Sabians, whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.” (2.62)

            1.) Salman Al-Farisi reported: I asked the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, about the people of religion who had been with me, mentioning their prayers and acts of worship. Then, Allah revealed the verse, “Verily, those who believe, those who are Jewish, Christian, or Sabians – whoever believed in Allah and the Last Day and worked righteousness – they will have their reward with their Lord and they will not fear nor grieve.” (2:62)

            Source: Tafseer Ibn Abu Hatim, verse 2:62

            Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Ibn Taymiyyah and Al-Busiri

            قَالَ سَلْمَانُ سَأَلْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَنْ أَهْلِ دِينٍ كُنْتُ مَعَهُم فَذَكَرَ مِنْ صَلاتِهِمْ وَعِبَادَتِهِمْ فَنَزَلَتْ إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَالَّذِينَ هَادُوا وَالنَّصَارَى وَالصَّابِئِينَ مَنْ آمَنَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِر

            2:62 تفسير ابن أبي حاتم سورة البقرة قوله إن الذين آمنوا والذين هادوا

            المحدث ابن تيمية خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح

            المحدث البوصيري خلاصة حكم المحدث إسناده رواته ثقات

            2.) Suddi hadith, taken from Suhaib Webb.

            The relevant exegesis of this verse from the Tafsir (exegesis, or interpretation) of Tabari, on the authority of Suddi and Mujahid (the student of Ibn ‘Abbas, may God be well pleased with him and his father), establishes the orthodox position from the earliest period of Muslim history:

            The Suddi Hadith

            Suddi relates the lengthy story of Salman the Persian’s coming to Islam, telling of his conversion first to Christianity from Zoroastrianism after meeting a Christian monk, and how he travelled to one sage after the next, serving each until their death, until the last one told him that a prophet was about to appear, saying: “I do not think that I shall live to see him, but you are a young man, and are likely to live to see him. He will come forth in the land of the Arabs.” The account continues to when at last Salman meets the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) in Medina, and:

            while he was talking with him, Salman remembered his former companions, and told the Prophet ﷺ how they had been, saying, “They used to fast, pray, and believe in you, and they testified that you would be sent as a prophet.” When Salman had finished praising them, the Prophet ﷺ told him, “Salman, they are of the denizens of hell.” And that distressed Salman greatly, for he had said to him, “Had they met you they would have believed and followed you.” So Allah revealed this verse: “‘Surely those who believe, those of Jewry, the Christians, and the Sabaeans—whoever has faith in Allah and the Last Day . . .” (Tabari, 1.323).

            The Mujahid Hadith

            The second hadith (record of the words or actions of the Prophet ﷺ) is from Mujahid, also about the conversion of Salman to Islam and the subsequent revealing of the verse “Surely those who believe…” In this account:

            Salman told the Prophet ﷺ about those Christians and what he had seen of their works, and he replied, “They did not die upon Islam.” Salman said, “The whole earth darkened around me,” and he recounted their spiritual rigors. Then this verse was revealed, so the Prophet ﷺ summoned Salman and told him, “This verse has been revealed about your companions.” Then he added, “Whoever dies upon the religion of Jesus and in submission [lit. “upon Islam”] before he hears of me is in goodly state. But whoever hears of me today and does not believe in me has perished,” (Tabari, 1.323).

            4) I cannot vouch for the following as I am not sure the isnads are authentic. Regardless, these narrations from wahidis Asbab al Nuzul should give you the clear idea.
            (Lo! Those who believe (in that which is revealed unto thee, Muhammad), and those who are Jews…)
            [2:62]. Al-Hafiz Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn Ahmad informed us> ‘Abd Allah ibn Muhammad ibn Ja‘far the alHafiz> Abu Yahya al-Razi> Sahl ibn ‘Uthman al-‘Askari> Yahya ibn Abi Za’idah who said: “Ibn Jurayj said>
            ‘Abd Allah ibn Kuthayr> Mujahid who said: ‘When Salman related to the Prophet, Allah bless him and give
            him peace, the story of the monks, the Prophet told him that they will dwell in hell fire’. Salman said: ‘The
            whole earth became gloomy for me, but then this verse was revealed (Lo! Those who believe (in that which
            is revealed unto thee, Muhammad), and those who are Jews) up to Allah’s saying (and there shall no fear
            come upon them neither shall they grieve), and it was as if a mountain had been lifted away from me’ ”.
            Muhammad ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz al-Marwazi informed us> Muhammad ibn al-Husayn al-Haddadi> Abu Yazid>
            Ishaq ibn Ibrahim> ‘Amr> Asbat> al-Suddi who said: “The verse (Lo! Those who believe (in that which is
            revealed unto thee, Muhammad), and those who are Jews…) was revealed about the monks with whom
            Salman al-Farisi kept company. When Salman went to see the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give
            him peace, he informed him about their worship and striving. He said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! They used to
            pray and fast; they believed in you and bore witness that you will be sent as a prophet’. When Salman
            finished his praise of them, Allah’s Messenger, Allah bless him and give him peace, said: ‘O Salman! They
            are of the dwellers of hell fire’. Allah then revealed (Lo! Those who believe (in that which is revealed unto
            thee, Muhammad), and those who are Jews) up to His saying (neither shall they grieve)”. Muhammad ibn
            Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn Ja‘far informed us> Muhammad ibn ‘Abd Allah ibn Zakariyya’> Muhammad ibn
            ‘Abd al-Rahman al-Daghuli> Abu Bakr ibn Abi Khaythamah> ‘Amr ibn Hammad> Asbat> al-Suddi> Abu
            Malik> Abu Salih> Ibn ‘Abbas> Murrah> Ibn Mas‘ud> also from some of the Companions of the Prophet,
            Allah bless him and give him peace: “(Lo! Those who believe (in that which is revealed unto thee,
            Muhammad), and those who are Jews) was revealed about Salman al-Farisi, a notable of Jundishapur; what follows this verse was revealed about the Jews”.

          • Gibran

            June 24, 2013 at 5:25 PM

            Perhaps you are wondering why the Prophet sallahualayhiwasalam initially told Salman al Farisi they are denizens of Hell.

            There is a bit of evidence that shows that most of the people in Jahiliyaah are in Jahannam. This narration tells us how they are tested.

            The Prophet of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are four (who will protest) to Allaah on the Day of Resurrection: the deaf man who never heard anything, the insane man, the very old man, and the man who died during the fatrah (the interval between the time of ‘Eesaa (Jesus, upon whom be peace) and the time of Muhammad SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)). The deaf man will say, ‘O Lord, Islam came but I never heard anything.’ The insane man will say, ‘O Lord, Islam came but the children ran after me and threw stones at me.’ The very old man will say, ‘O Lord, Islam came but I did not understand anything.’ The man who died during the fatrah will say, ‘O Lord, no Messenger from You came to me.’ He will accept their promises of obedience, then word will be sent to them to enter the Fire. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, if they enter it, it will be cool and safe for them.”

            According to another report, he said: “Whoever enters it, it will be cool and safe for him, and whoever does not enter it will be dragged to it.” (The hadeeth was reported by Imaam Ahmad and Ibn Hibbaan, and deemed saheeh by al-Albaani, Saheeh al-Jaami’, 881).

            Hope this clears everything up for you.

          • Gibran

            June 25, 2013 at 1:07 AM

            Never mind, it appears my comments have been accepted.

          • Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

            June 25, 2013 at 1:33 AM

            Akhi – patience is a virtue. :)

            Best Regards

          • Gibran

            June 25, 2013 at 1:52 AM

            Also, Reed, I think I didn’t get one point across.

            “Although many would agree with what you have said, the Quran clearly states,

            “Verily! Those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians, and Sabians, whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.” (2.62)”

            Yes, and the Quran clearly states in other places that Jews and Christians will be in hell. If we were to accept that extremely misquoted ayah the way Perrenialist disbelievers would have us, then we would have to say there are contradictions in the Quran.

            And then we’d all be disbelievers. The reality is, we need to take the Quran as a whole. It’s not just a mere translation, there is grammar, rhetoric, morphology, reasons for revelation(asbab un nuzul), hadith, and so on. SubhanAllah, the word of God is heavy.

            By the way-I used to be fooled by this false interpretation. I used to attend an Islamic Center (it’s like something out of the Twilight zone….they preach open disbelief and nobody notices) and they heavily pushed this false interpretation of the Quran. They quoted that ayah, and forgot the rest.

            Anyways, Allah guided me to the truth Alhamdulilah, and I’m hoping he will do the same for you. We’ll both be in Jannah one day laughing with each other at how we got so easily fooled – Godwilling.

            And I just want to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, I don’t mean anything bad for you. I see you clearly don’t speak for the sake of argument. I just want us to both be on the same good page. Trust me, Reed you have no idea how much you are missing out. I swear to God….SubhanAllah, there is so much more to the word of God then you could imagine…..I’m hoping you can get the same little glimmer I do. But you have to take a step out of that lie that there is more than one truth. There isn’t. There are a many, many lies and then there is the truth.Those lies are the darkness’s and that truth is the light.

            O People of the Scripture, there has come to you Our Messenger making clear to you much of what you used to conceal of the Scripture and overlooking much. There has come to you from Allah a light and a clear Book-

            By which Allah guides those who pursue His pleasure to the ways of peace and brings them out from darkness’s into the light, by His permission, and guides them to a straight path.

            Surah Al Ma’ida, 15th and 16th ayat

            *This comment was edited by the MM Comments Team in order to comply with our Comments Policy*

          • Reed

            June 25, 2013 at 8:15 AM

            While hadiths were passed through chains of fallible human beings, the Quran is infallible and perfect because it is the word of Allah (swt). Every word in the Quran was given to Prophet Muhammad exactly as Allah (swt) designed and decided. Thus, while hadiths are important in providing context, imperfect accounts of something Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said or did cannot be used to nullify the plain meaning of the perfect Quran. To allow such an approach to interpreting the Quran is to imply that Allah (swt) made a mistake in the Quran, which is impossible.

          • Gibran

            June 25, 2013 at 9:09 AM

            Ah….and therein lies the problem Reed. Because if we were to accept your interpretation of the Quran we would be nullifying other ayat of the Quran which condemn Jews and Christians to hell and we would essentially be saying Allah made a mistake, which is impossible. So really….you still follow a Quran you inadvertently believe has mistakes. I would like to note that most Muslims haven’t read the hadith I posted. But that doesn’t stop them from believing all the ayat of the Quran, not just one, and accepting that Jews and Christians are disbelievers and will enter hell. Like all Muslims have, even the deviants since the Prophet sallahualayhiwasalam.

            By rejecting ahadith, one cannot be considered a Muslim any more than a Qadiani can, or a member of the Nation of Islam, or someone who worships Shiva at a Hindu temple and accepts multiple religions. If it were out of ignorance then it could be excused, bu were it to continue knowingly it will bring one out of the fold of Islam. Which is extremely saddening. But I can comfort myself with this ayah

            :O ye who believe! Ye have charge of your own souls. He who erreth cannot injure you if ye are rightly guided. Unto Allah ye will all return; and then He will inform you of what ye used to do.”

            “Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases, and He knows best the followers of the right way.”

            And I leave this with a sincere warning:

            “And whoever contradicts and opposes the Messenger (Muhammad SAW) after the right path has been shown clearly to him, and follows other than the believers’ way. We shall keep him in the path he has chosen, and burn him in Hell – what an evil destination.”

            115th ayah of Surah an-Nisaa

            *This comment was edited by the MM Comments Team in order to comply with our Comments Policy*

          • Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

            June 26, 2013 at 3:12 AM

            And with that I am afraid I have to close this thread as the discussion has moved well way from the subject on hand ie advice to a girl in “love” with her non-muslim classmate.

            I would like to thank all for their contributions and unless there are comments pertaining to the subject of the article, would like to request that comments be withheld.

            Best Regards

      • Abu Asiyah

        June 22, 2013 at 5:27 PM

        Well to be fair, there’s also a large number of people who convert for a guy or girl and then become religious. Sh. Yasir Qadhi mentions this and recommends leaving people be as they might find the truth of Islam even though not going into it sincerely at first.

      • UmAman

        June 22, 2013 at 10:05 PM

        I mistakenly liked the comment of veda23. I am unable to unlike it. Anyway as a person who married a man who converted to islam to marry me, subhanaAllah, i wouldn’t advise anyone for it. And i married him, because he converted to islam and not because i was interested in him.Though my husband alhamdullillah does his prayers, fast, charity and other basic tenets of islam, it is a very very tough and unpleasant journey to take. Ask her to take refuge in Allah( swt) and inshaAllah she’ll have an awesome future. The best thing to do now is to busy herself with extra courses and jobs and with less free time to think and being around the family more and reading quran , inshaAllah, it will be possible to overcome the emotions and see the future in a more practical way.

    • Aashiq Hussain

      July 21, 2013 at 7:19 PM

      Guys get cold feet (That is what idiom we use? I am not native speaker.) when a girl or her parents ask him to marry her. Let’s just send a proposal to him or his family. High chances about 99% are that they/he will either refuse or will just come up with an excuse like age. Then you have something to show your daughter how that guy is not willing. Yes, if he says shahada then there shouldn’t be any problem, It is between him and Allah.

      I would say go ahead and offer him her hand in marriage. I am sure something is gonna happen and that is gonna calm-down her excited hormones. And few years later she think about what she was gonna do and smile or laugh. because it was stupid thing to do. Love at this age doesn’t exist. If you can go against your parents, who you have been with 12 or 16 years, for a guy who you hardly have known for two or three years, it is NOT love.

      She will come across so many I-am-in-love-with guys. Hormones are at work. With age they will settle down and she will know what real love is and for what she should long.
      May Allah help our young brothers and sisters.

  2. Fareed

    June 22, 2013 at 12:09 PM

    The reason behind this is that, marital relationships demand mutual love, affection and intimacy and without this, the purpose of marriage is left unfulfilled. If such close relationship of love and intimacy is established with a non-Muslim, it may emotionally incline a Muslim towards disbelief (kufr) or, at least, the abhorrence of Kufr and Shirk may not remain in the heart. Consequently, it may lead one to disbelief and eventually the fire of Hell. This is why Allah Almighty said towards the end of the verse of Surah al-Baqarah quoted above:

    �Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition�. ( 221). (See: Ma�arif al-Qur�an, 1/ 540).

    • Fareed

      June 22, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      the exception of Christian and Jewish girls is because the difference in belief between the people of the book and Muslims is relatively lesser and lighter as compared with other non-Muslims. They are all monotheistic religions and known as the Abrahamic faiths. The basic difference between Islam and the other two religions is the belief in the last Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). Therefore, the fear and danger of corruptibility is less as compared to marrying with women from other faiths, thus Islam gave this permission for Muslim men to marry Christian and Jewish girls.

      A question may arise here, that if the difference between Muslims and people of the book is considered to be lighter as compared to other faiths, then why is it unlawful for Muslim girls to marry Christian and Jewish men?

      The answer to this question is that, women are somewhat weak and emotional by nature. Then the husband has been given a caretaking and controlling role over the wife. As such, it is very likely that the Muslim wife may fall prey and become impressed with her husband�s faith. The chances of the husband becoming affected by his wife�s faith are remote, thus the difference between the two situations is clear.

      • Fareed

        June 22, 2013 at 12:13 PM

        Moreover, by marrying a Christian or a Jewish man, the status of the Muslim wife would be affected, for the wife normally takes the nationality and status given by her husband�s law. A Christian or a Jewish woman marrying a Muslim man would be expected eventually to accept Islam, while the possibility of a Muslim woman changing her faith to that of her husband is very likely. Therefore, only Muslim men were given this permission of marrying with women from the people of the book.

        • Fareed

          June 22, 2013 at 12:14 PM

          it should be remembered that the meaning of the permission of marrying Christian and Jewish women is simply that, if a marriage contract was performed with them, it would be valid according to Islam and the children born out of this wedlock will be considered legitimate.

          However, there are various narrations that establish its undesirability. A Muslim man is advised in the Hadith to select a life partner who fully observes the injunctions of Islam, so that she becomes a means of attaining piety. If that is the case, then marrying Christian and Jewish girls would be disliked.

          • Fareed

            June 22, 2013 at 12:15 PM

            Finally, this permission is only when one is confident that he himself or his children will not be affected by this marriage. In the early days, Muslims were duly equipped with adequate Islamic knowledge and an unshaken commitment towards their religion. As such, there was no risk of the husband being affected by his wife�s religion. Rather, the wife would see the glory of Islam, thus enter into the fold of Islam.

            Therefore, if a Muslim male is confident that marriage with a Christian or Jewish girl will have no affect on his and his children�s Islamic identity and commitment, then there is no bar against such marriages. However, if he is not so confident, he must avoid entering into such marriages.

            And Allah knows best

          • idesireranks

            June 24, 2013 at 2:11 AM

            Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

            I would like to add, Jews and Christians ARE in fact mushrikeen, and any of them who hears of the Messenger of Allah sallahualayhiwasalam and does not believe him has taken his seat in the fire.

            Marrying one of them means marrying a person whose deed is so atrocious, it warrants an eternity in Jahannam.

  3. Fareed

    June 22, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    sources for above are from the Holy Quran and from Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari’s response to the question which can be read in full at

  4. Muhammad

    June 22, 2013 at 3:13 PM

    I really feel for her, she’s very young but still strong. Although she likes him, she doesn’t want to displease Allah in the process. Sometimes just showing support to someone can be stronger than advice – I would just say ‘sister good for you, one day you’ll look back and say Alhamdulilah I chose my faith over this boy’.

    I hope she has people who help her through this and not shun her away.

    • Abu Asiyah

      June 22, 2013 at 8:01 PM

      Agreed. The problem with the situation is most often that the family/community force the person into the corner where it’s their religion or the person they’re in love with and they choose the latter. We can’t just go on a haraam tirade and think we did our part in forbidding the wrong…

  5. Hyde

    June 23, 2013 at 3:06 AM

    Well not to dampen the Romeo and Juliet saga played across the world, what do YOU think is gonna happen when you put boys and girls together in these secular schools ? They sure as heck ain’t gonna be having religious epiphanies or start interfaith dialogues together, right? Boys and girls get together and they will start liking each other. It happened to me, it has happened to this young sister, and it will continue to happen until we figure this mess out.

    And far this young sister is concerned, the feelings one cannot alter. You love who you love, but then again it is high school, people fall in and out of love left and right. I am not dismissing what the young sister is going through, but being a realist and one that went through highs school, a smile here and there and you think it is true love. Add in the obscene noxious teenage novels, and stupid vampire movies, and you got yourself a high school romance.

    (And there have more than plenty of those stupid Indian films in which it always turns out good. The families end up getting together and everybody is dandy fine. Well the manufactured illusory versions of Holly-lolly, bolly whatever, are just there to misguide people from reality).
    Yes it indeed it is a test; this younger sister will have to face it. And as far as converting for love, it is downright stupid. Because yes people fall in love, but then again they can fall out of love. Then what? Where does the convertee go then? Back to the family that kicked him/her out? Regrets? Hatred against Islam?

    And yes the Islamaphobes would definitely pick on this. ‘Here it is once again, Islam coming in the way of true love’. Most debauched liberals would also go this way. ‘Religion should not stand in the way of love’. Most of the media or consolers would also end by swinging the pendulum against Islam. And end up giving more fodder another of Irshad’s Manji’s books.

    And this is about a girl; what would happen if it was a boy? As a boy I can tell you, he would probably be not thinking too much about what “haram” he is doing? I know some so called Muslims whom have children out of wedlock and walk around doing whatever they want.

    So that why by being a realist I think it is a fallacious argument to say in this day and age men can marry non-Muslim women. I will write about this topic in a bit more detail inshallah in a coming entry on blogging theology blog.

    • Mahmud

      July 4, 2013 at 8:18 PM

      Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuuh

      You have a blog? Where did you hyde it? If you do, you should put it as your website so anyone can click on your name and access it.

      • Hyde

        July 6, 2013 at 11:48 AM

        No blogs for me. I used to be a guest blogger on another’s brother’s blog, for the time being, I am not a blogger.

    • Whatevers

      August 21, 2013 at 3:08 PM

      Lol@hyde’s comments,

      I did(start interfaith dialogues with opposite gender folks) in highschool. Somehow my overtly religious persona never allowed any guy to fall in love with me….although had this been the case, I would have surely failed in my test subhanallaah(and that is probably why Allaah SWT did not Will it alhamdulillaah). I will tell her she is surely strong enough to overcome this test and to limit her distance her interaction wit this guy and to tell him quite clearly that her religion does not allow this sort of relationship.

      On a funny side note, I did have (naturally offcourse) attraction towards the opposite gender, given it was US of A and I was a teenager, majority of them were non muslims(in fact all until I went to a muslim school). And the first order of business if I liked anyone was to do da’wah to them. One guy was a Unitarian and once I realized he was not interested in Islam and really like Unitarianism, I stopped speaking with him. There was another guy I use to speak with in my A.P physics class and he was so turned off by my hijab that he once said “why cant you dress normal.” I tried to convert him too by the way did not work. and as a side note I also use to do platonic for the sake of Allaah SWT dawah to the non muslim sisters(many of them were my friends so I owed it to them I guess).

      I do mean to tell these stories to hopefully make this sister laugh at my niavete, innocence, ?stupidity?

      On a serious note, I remember one Botswana sister who was a convert to Islaam advise me, “How can you love someone who does not share the most important thing to you, who does not love islaam.”
      that resonated with me afterwards, and college was a whole different ballgame…..MSA…..

  6. Pak Spectator

    June 23, 2013 at 9:05 AM

    A Muslim man cannot marry a non-Muslim woman unless they are in an Islamic state. Consider this scenarios. A Muslim man marries a Christian woman in the U.S. After a few years their marriage ends up in divorce. The child/children will be handed to the mother, who will raise the children as Christians. No one can marry outside of Islam, neither men nor women.

    • Abu Asiyah

      June 23, 2013 at 1:10 PM

      To be fair, there is difference of opinion on this issue, but I do agree that at the very least it’s not wise to do it.

  7. Jasmin

    June 23, 2013 at 10:19 AM

    salam… i seldom hear high school girls turning down a guy they like…. she must have really strong faith…

  8. AYoungOne

    June 23, 2013 at 4:59 PM

    Assalamu Alaykum
    This post came at the perfect time. I am a high school Muslimah going through the same thing. I don’t interact with this boy anymore (being summer) but I fear for my senior year with him around. The only difference is that he is willing to become Muslim, but I don’t want to marry him whatsoever. I wear an abaya and all to school. It’s atrocious how Shaytan works :(

    • ahsan arshad

      June 23, 2013 at 5:36 PM

      yes satan cursed by Allah is well expeirenced and very good at his job, he knows all the backdoors and hidden roads-can only be beaten by the help of Allah

  9. Toyeeb Ibn Muslihdeen Al-Adejumo

    June 23, 2013 at 10:41 PM

    Where is the fitnah in life if such scenarios are not treated as such. Having feelings is Mubah or in orther words, Halaal simply because feelings and emotions are totally out of our control. Almighty Allâh said in Suratu Al Mumtaheena (meaning),

    …. It is possible that Allâh will put love in between you and those whom you are fighting with….

    As for my own advice, the sister should see this as a test, and should tackle it in hope to earn reward from Allah.

  10. gunal

    June 24, 2013 at 4:13 PM

    I loved the last 2 paragraphs of the article the most. Overall, a wonderful question to be thinking of for the sake of our next generation. However, may I suggest to everyone also read the article on “Muslims Can’t Do anything, Why Be Muslim?”

    In response to some of the comments made on this topic here:

    *I thought children born to this life carry their mother’s religion not their father’s. I thought this is written in Qur’an. If not written in black and white I would say that it would be implied. The children are bound to follow the teachings of their mother more strongly because of the known bond between the mother and her children.

    *Why everyone wrote comments with the assumption that tests are only carried out to Muslims and not for people from other faiths too. Would you turn away someone who is willing and has the opportunity to see and come to the right path (in our opinion) whatever their reason is for this choice? So what is your criteria for helping someone who is ‘might be’ willing to convert? / Who is also tested in my opinion?

    AYoungOne, please don’t be mislead by any of my comments. I am barely offering my thoughts in the matter. Besides, my action towards the high school girl in question:

    -I would point her to this verse from Qur’an; “If for any reason you can not be with your loved one in this world, if you show patience” (also I would add that for respecting the views of your elders) “you will surely go to heaven.”

    -I would also point out to her; one of my friends married to her childhood sweetheart. Her sweetheart friend claimed he loved her so much that he would take his own life if she didn’t marry her… Later they married and he cheated on her twice and he is physically abusive (even infront of the children). My point is: As human beings I don’t think we know much about love. As insanely we may fall in love but our later-actions may say that we are indeed just literally insane!

    So you have to marry to someone in the knowledge that they will be stuck to you until the death apart you. Make sure they know that too. Just like you can not choose who you would like your parents to be, you will not be able to re-choose the father of your children neither.

    • Berserk Hijabi

      June 25, 2013 at 8:57 PM

      Give your friend a sympathetic hug for me.I hoped she dropped the guy like a hot potato.

      • gunal

        June 26, 2013 at 11:38 AM

        To my surprise, no she didn’t drop him. He apologised ‘again’, and she forgave him ‘again’. I am hoping he quitted the physical abuse. I will give her a hug for you, no problem. :))

  11. Berserk Hijabi

    June 25, 2013 at 8:55 PM

    This must be crazy hard. Just tell the sister to stay strong..on the day of judgement ,think of the enormous amount of reward Allah is going to heap on her.She’s giving up a person she loves for Allah. Anybody know the hadith about fasting?the one that says “fasting is for Me(I.e the reward is so huge)” and goes on to explain that this is so because the person gives up his food,drink and carnal desires. Imagine what reward Allah must have prepared for this sister in the Hereafter. The thought is worthy of goosebumps. I will keep praying and making dua for you!

  12. Hyde

    June 26, 2013 at 9:15 AM

    @DiscoMaulvi Exactly!
    Pray tell what does “Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women” have to with what a young sister is going through ?? Why do people start quoting haidths and scriptures to defend themselves unceremoniously that are so far removed with the issue at hand!

    (If I was that young lady’ s predicament, I would be end up being more confused…and it is generally the male audience that tends to do this).

  13. ارشد

    June 29, 2013 at 4:03 AM

    ہمارے یہاں پردے کو یہ ہی سمجھا جاتا ہے کہ بس چہرے کو ڈھانپ لو اور کالا برقعہ پہن لو۔ یہ دونوں چیزیں پردے کے لئے ضروری ہیں مگر کافی نہیں۔ ضروری تو یہ ہے کہ عورتوں اور مردوں کا اختلاط نہ ہو۔ جب قرآن میں یہاں تک کہا گیا ہے کہ زیور کی اور عورت کی آواز تک غیر مردوں کو نہ جائے۔ عورت جب خود غیر مردوں میں جائے گی تو یہ جذبات تو فطری ہیں بھڑکیں گے۔
    اس لئے چاہے غیر ملک ہو یا اسلامی۔۔۔ عورتوں اور مردوں کا اختلاط کئی غیر شرعی وجوہات کا سبب ہے۔
    والسلام علیکم

    • Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

      June 29, 2013 at 7:49 AM

      JazakAllahu Khairin Arshad for your comment. For the benefit of the majority of the MM community which may not be able to read Urdu, could you please post in English.

      Best Regards
      Comments Team Lead

      • Hyde

        June 29, 2013 at 10:14 PM

        You you like can read Urdu ?

        • Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

          July 1, 2013 at 2:58 AM

          Being a Pakistani, born and raised in Pakistan and currently living in Karachi the answer to that is Yes! :)

          • Hyde

            July 4, 2013 at 3:01 PM

            Well my feelings for the “state of Pakistan” are not too amicable but far the as the language is concerned, Urdu is like Latin for poetry.Nobel language. Awesome.

      • ارشد

        July 1, 2013 at 4:06 AM

        In our custom, the Parda (veil) is that you(women) hide their faces and wear a black head to toe dress.
        These 2 thing are must for veiling but not enough. There must not be a mix gathering in any case.
        Even in Quran it is mentioned that Women’s voice and jewelery sound must not get in to the ear of Non-Mehram Men.
        If a woman goes to men, it is natural, their feelings will spark.
        That’s why in a country, whether it’s Islamic or Non, the mix gathering of men and women is the reason for many Non-Shariah Problems, arising in our society.
        “” in reply to Aly.””

  14. Nusaybah

    June 30, 2013 at 10:37 AM

    On the issue of marrying him if he agrees to convert…

    1. People need to decide in their hearts if they really believe converting to Islam makes one a real muslim or not, and whether they believe converts and other muslims are equal. Because it doesn’t seem like it by some of these comments posted.

    2. People need to figure out for themselves whether only convert men are sometimes not the best practicing muslims, sometimes not the most compatible spouses to the ones they marry, sometimes get into conflict with family members, etc. or whether in fact many, many muslim women are married to non-convert muslim men who do not pray, are difficult husbands, and the list goes on.

    3. People need to decide whether they – who are born here and do all their schooling in the public school system, etc. – really believe they are americans by culture or are they something else? Do you share a culture with Americans or not? Aside from religion, are they your people or not?

    4. People need to decide whether they want to go back to their muslim country ethnic background family roots and investigate the legitimacy of how their forefathers accepted islam. Perhaps they will find some surprises.

    5. People need to decide whether they accept the hadith about the value and merit of someone accepting islam by your hand. Isn’t that an amazing incentive? Or not? Consult your hearts.

    6. People need to consult their hearts and decide if they really accept how the sahaba accepted their Islam or not…

    – Did Khadija “only” accept Islam because of her marriage?

    – Sahabiyat who accepted Islam but their husbands did not….they were separated from their husbands and would only return based on the husband’s conversion…were they wrong to do so?…was their husbands’ islam suspect? Do you come up with something better?

    – If we look at other dunya-ish motives for accepting islam, we find cases of those who convert to islam for wealth and islam became the dearest to their hearts. Or men who informed their villages to come to islam because of Muhammad’s (pbuh) generosity. Is their Islam less than yours?

    – And even we can start looking at the dunya-like benefits of a marriage like the Prophet to Juwarriyah…by this act her people were freed from slavery and Aisha commented on how no one benefited her people more than her…Was is more beneficial to “your people” than helping them accept islam when they are willing?

    If they accept Islam and the family and community gathers around the marriage and supports them with love and charity to win the hearts…this is so beautiful. No doubt if family and community take an ugly approach, predict failure, sabotage, alienate, etc. then no doubt this will be made to be difficult.

    • Reed

      June 30, 2013 at 11:28 AM

      Selam alaykum Nusaybah Those are great questions and thoughts!

  15. Guest

    July 8, 2013 at 5:55 AM

    Being in high school and a person like you, I feel like its my story being discussed upon. I completely agree that the intensity of the feelings and the urge to suppress them is torturous. But trust me, it’s all worth it. Whatever happens. Happens for the good. You’ll know the wisdom behind it, and you’ll indeed be thankful to Allah for it.
    Nevertheless Allah knows what’s best for you, and if you’re a true believer, Allah will never let your prayers go in vain.
    It’s been two years now. Although the feelings haven’t perished completely, I’m thankful to Allah. Because I have faith that better awaits. Inshallah :)

  16. adilmahmood

    September 9, 2013 at 2:17 PM

    Thank Allah I’m an asexual 14 year old
    None of this drama will enter my life

  17. Az

    October 8, 2013 at 11:50 PM

    There are a few things this sister should ask herself.
    For one, would she consider getting with someone who thought ill of her parents, family or anyone really important to her? I would think not. So would she consider someone who does not believe in the one who is dearer, Allah and his messenger, and possibly has ill feelings about islam too?

    This guy is not looking at you for marriage but someone who he wants to eventually get physical without being confined to marriage. He can dress it up all he likes but trust me thats the end game conciously or sub conciously. This is not to say you would fall for it but he is not looking into you for your deen, which narrows the reasons down. Then comes the issue that when comes out, and it will no doubt, it is you my sister who would suffer. I’m a guy and i’ve been in a similar situation but got to think long term. You are much more important and valuable than some guy. Keep strong my dear sister. It’s 4.30am and I havr work at 9am but i could not sleep as I would not want my sister in Islam to fall into something hugely damaging. I always think if i did get into something with a non muslim, and it did not work inevitably, id find it hard to look into the eyes of a sister i consider marrying knowing that i had been with another before her unlawfully, but thats just me. this is a test sister so be strong. put this guy in his place and keep distant. Hope and pray you get through this. excuse my bad grammer and any offense caused. Salaams frm UK.

  18. Maryam Shehbaaz

    October 9, 2013 at 7:14 PM

    Okay once that has caught everyone’s attention here is my story.
    I loved my hindu classmate 9th standard and had an affair with him (I was an atheist back then even after being born in a muslim family, I believed media and never had any islamic education – and my hindu boyfriend was way better than other “muslim” guys).

    When I was 17+ I came to Islam got to know this cannot continue (muslim girl cannot marry a non muslim/I am pretty strict with my deen and I did not try searching for loopholes ALLAH ABOVE ALL! Never questioned why can guys marry christians and jews and not girls – aint nobody got time for questioning the wisdom behind Allah’s deen) – left my boyfriend with all Dr.Zakir naik dvds and books possible. Told him if he reverts we can marry else we cannot.

    He searched his own religion first (vedas and puranas) then christianity and then islam and after 4 yrs of looking through all religions (in which time i cried, tried looking for other muslim guys to marry but my heart was stuck on my high school love and I made alot of dua – many ppl underestimate the amount of attachment girls can get into).

    2011 Sept 31st he took his shahada :) ALHUMDULILLAH!!
    We both told our families – both families acted up real bad – disowning – shooting and killing threats lol trust families to do just that DO NOT EXPECT PEOPLE TO SUPPORT YOU RELY ONLY ON ALLAH – we held our ground – we are bad that way! B| B| now they have finally rounded to the idea. We are going to have a simple nikah and small valima :)

    ~~~ And He found you lost and guided [you], (93:7) ~~~

    I had friends tell me get over him and that Allah has better plans but reality is farrrrr away from all these pep talks.
    I always made dua to Allah to make him a muslim and to get us married and to make it the best thing for us both – you have no idea how many nights i have spent crying to sleep (so in that sense many comments are true its a TOUGH TOUGH ROAD!)

    WITH ALLAH ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!! Make sincere dua :)

    BEST THING?? If it was not for this trial in my life I would not be active with dawah. During my struggle only dawah, quran and salaah gave me peace. I came closer to Allah like never before! This seemingly bad and horrible thing changed my entire life.

    END ADVICE – If my boyfriend had not converted or had converted for “love or for marrying me” I would never marry him and rather marry a true muslim. Your faith is wayyy more precious than a love affair is my sincere heartfelt advice.

    You will be in my duas always – May Allah grant sakeenah to your heart and make all your dreams come true and bless you with much much muchhh more than you deserve. From an elder sister WHO TRULY UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH :)

    • Usman

      February 12, 2014 at 9:23 AM

      Salam. How are you so sure that he did not convert for ” love or for marrying you”? A person becomes a Muslim for Allah, not for anyone or anything else. If he indeed has found Allah with true heart then i am happy for you. We must always consider the following verse in the Quran in such situations.
      “Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested.And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, “.(although Allah knows all that before putting them to test)(29:2-3)
      I have seen many such marriages failing because those convert later turn their faces away from Allah. I pray that your marriage is successful. Ameen. I loved a christian girl so much and she was really good too. Though Allah has permitted Muslim man to marry a christian woman i decided against it. Because i realized later that marrying a Muslimah is much better choice. Allah says a Muslim servant is better for us(refer 2:221). I did not want to take that risk of marrying a Christian girl and struggle to keep my children in Islam as they will be having two different families following different religions. When there are enough Muslim women on this earth, why should i take such a risk?

      • Maryam Shehbaaz

        November 22, 2014 at 12:28 PM

        Usman for starters :)
        In the 4 years of waiting he knew I was looking for other guys and we had common friends so I knew he was sincerely searching for truth. And in those 4 years of waiting I came close to marrying one of the brothers and other men my family were looking for me.
        If he was faking Islam he would have reverted when I was about to get married to someone else.

        And about taking risks to each their own.
        I was born in a Muslim family but was still an atheist till nearly 17 yrs of my life.
        I believe in watering my own grass and making it green instead of opting for an already greener one. Or in jumping from one person to another in search of “perfection”.

        We all have our destinies written.
        Also people need to remember there was attachment involved.
        I had loved him for nearly 6 years and it was not the stupid lovey dovey love. This was the real deal.

        And alhumdulillah his Imam and a bunch of others can vouch for his Islam. Also he is a walking Dawah machine for people who have questions about Islam.
        Alhumdulillah SUMMA ALHUMDULILLAH!

        There are no 1 2 3 or x y z steps to finding love or your spouse. Everyone has a different destiny.
        This was mine and I am eternally grateful to Allah :)

        Summa Ameen to your dua. :)

        And I am the only girl my husband loved EVER. When we were apart for 4 years even though I was looking for a husband. He was looking for truth and he was looking into Islam and other religions to find out how I had changed so much and left him for religion and “Allah”. He was shocked as to how such drastic change was possible.

        Allah satiated his thirst for truth and guided him towards His deen.

        Also please remember I have clearly mentioned there is nothing more important to me than my deen. If I had the slightest doubt he was faking it. I would not get married.

  19. A fellow sister

    November 13, 2014 at 2:23 AM

    Oh boy. I’m checking back on this post after nearly six months…wow Maryam, that is genuinely amazing. May Allah make both of your hearts firm on the deen and fill your marriage with blessings and happiness! Nevertheless I feel like stories like yours are so rare…Mashallah if everything works out then Allah has truly blessed you :)))

    • Maryam Shehbaaz

      November 22, 2014 at 12:32 PM

      Jazak Allah khair! :)

      I have my struggles but wallahi getting married to my epic love. And our guidance to Islam after being atheists for so long is our own little miracle on earth from Allah Al Azeez! <3
      Summa Ameen to your beautiful dua :)

      I will never forget the fact that Allah answered such a big dua. Wallahi with Allah anything is possible.
      In our limited understanding of Him azza wa jal we limit our duas.

      • A fellow sister

        November 23, 2014 at 1:58 AM

        Wowwwww. It’s so amazing mashallah! I will say that wallahi though I have never met you and I really don’t know much about you, I am actually so happy for you! Ameen and May Allah bless you many times over :))))

  20. A fellow sister

    November 13, 2014 at 2:24 AM

    And for you Usman, your choices show a lot mashallah. May Allah reward you and keep your line of thought as clear for all you life :)

  21. Burhan

    August 8, 2020 at 5:46 PM

    I want to share with her one hadith that based on her stage
    When the prophet peace be upon him paid ali the flag on the day of khaybar ali said ” will I fight them so that they are like us? So the prophet peace be upon him said to him ” go to your messengers until you go down to their yard, then invite them to islam and tell them what they are obligated to allah, because allah guides you as a man is better for you than having red camels. ( agreed upon)

    So, my advice to her is to invite him to islam if he accepts praise is to allah if not you must hold your religion strongly.

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