Dr. O blogs at Muslim Medicine, a site that strives to serve only the freshest grade-A certified ẓabiḥah ḥalāl comedy. Contact your local ḥalāl butcher for more details.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you the latest twist in one of the most popular game apps in the world- Angry Muslims! A riveting game of royally-infuriated Muslim birds who delve into indiscriminate fits of rage and blindly launch themselves into any nearby structure causing massive destruction to both themselves and their surroundings for the sole purpose of killing a pig-like caricature of an enemy that just sits there and does nothing but snort stupidly from time to time.
Sound like a wonderfully fun game? You betcha! For those downloading and playing it right now, it’s laughably comical to see just how far these Angry Birds are willing to go just to annihilate an enemy that no one else pays attention to or even cares about.
Did you even know that green evil snorting pigs existed in the first place? Probably not, until these lovably incensed Muslim Birds came out of nowhere and made the entire world realize just how ridiculously ludicrous their ignited anger seemed in the big picture.
Like any other popular app, after a few years or so, a new version of the Angry Muslims game gets released, and boy, their anger just seems to get bigger and bigger with every version! The game introduces new crazy Birds from different countries in each updated version, and the game-play just gets more and more indulging as people find that it really is amusing to pick on these easily-offended Birds out of a morbid curiosity to see what new threshold of anger they can achieve!
Shame about the pig enemies, though- they never really seem to change at all. They just sit there each time, doing nothing but making dumb snorts, and just waiting for the Birds to destroy the buildings around them, and then disappear into a puff of smoke.
Ah man, you can’t go anywhere in the world without people talking about these Birds and their anger! After the release of this latest version, it feels like the Birds have really secured themselves as being the most infamously infuriated out of all the other gaming app characters available on the market. That’s quite a feat, and I’ll bet you that reputation sticks with them for decades to come!
What a game, huh? Feels almost like a metaphor for something.
To be honest- it isn’t easy satirizing this issue because the dark jokes strike deep at a profoundly sad reality that we’re now facing- that we as Muslims have done far greater damage to the name, reputation, and teachings of our Beloved Prophet than any inflammatory video, cartoon, depiction, or insult ever possibly hope to.
How painfully ironic that after the Danish Cartoon controversy, we once again chose to answer the ignorance, anger, and hatred of others with even greater bouts of our own ignorance, anger, and hatred- defeating the entire purpose of defending our reputation, and handing Islamophobes their satisfaction on a silver platter.
We were taught better than this. We were given a tremendous gift of beautiful patience, enduring fortitude, poetic eloquence, iron-clad honor, and unwavering dignity in the very legacy of the man who we model our lives after. And despite our effort of defending the reputation of this noble man of the highest caliber of character, we blatantly ignored one of his most powerful teachings:
Abu Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet : “Counsel me.” The Prophet said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet kept saying: “Do not get angry.” [Sahîh al-Bukhari ]
How could an utterly worthless amateur video made by a cowardly hate-monger possibly cause even the slightest bit of concern to an honorable man who had patiently endured every manner of insult, abuse, and degradation spat at him, garbage and animal intestines dropped on him, thorns spread along his path, stones hurled at his face, death threats made against him, food and nourishment denied to him, and who was exiled from his own home? Despite suffering against such unimaginable depths of hatred and aggression, when did our Beloved Prophet ever react with wanton violence and destruction?
We’re given a faith and a shining example of character as the foundation of our belief structure. When provocative green pigs perch themselves on top of those foundations, keep in mind that nothing they do can possibly topple it- the biggest danger is when we launch ourselves in misdirected anger and destroy the very foundation we were trying to protect in the first place.
It’s a sad game that we don’t have to repeatedly play anymore.
5 Reasons The Muslim World Needs a Jon Stewart
There will be many who read the title of this article and think – of all the many, many things that the Muslim world does need – they’re pretty sure that a middle aged liberal Jewish comedian isn’t one of them.
And they would be wrong.
Who am I kidding? Even Hijabi Barbie is front page news for us
But I’m here to make the case that we could also do with our own version of Jon Stewart.
No. This doesn’t count…
Well, here are just 5 reasons:
1. Someone who tells it like it is
Politicians and leaders often like to hide behind semantics and carefully scripted soundbites. They speak like they’re afraid of what might happen if the masses understood what was actually going on.
Probably with good reason.
Then here comes Jon every weekday evening cutting through the garbage and explaining things in simple, direct (albeit American) English.
A dose of raw, passionate, straight-talking truth? Suddenly, college students are interested in the debt crisis or police brutality.
The Muslim world could do with a few articulate souls who manage to move beyond preaching to the converted and instead, try and reach out to the disaffected, the uninterested and the disenfranchised.
Someone who could dumb it down without the dumb part.
2. Someone who is fair
It is well known that Stewart is towards the more liberal end of the spectrum. [Understatement alert]
You would expect him to constantly and mercilessly pick on Fox News and Dick Cheney.
But this doesn’t stop him from pointing out the hypocrisy and ineptitude of those he supports. Watching the Jewish American Liberal Stewart rip apart Israel during the last Gaza war showed he was a man of some principle.
The Muslim world could do with leaders who are willing to tell hard truths to their home crowds just as much as they were willing to rail against their natural enemies.
3. Someone who nurtures talent
Over the years, the Daily Show has attracted young and unknown aspiring comedians and turned them into confident stars. From Steve Carrel to Steven Colbert – Stewart hasn’t just surrounded himself with sycophants but with talent that pushed him to do better.
Again, the Muslim world could do with leadership that produced more leaders rather than ever more dependent followers. How amazing would it be if the Muslim world served as an incubator for good leaders, where people were valued and flourished and…
4. Someone who pushes the intellectual boundaries
If the Daily Show was to pander to its demographic, they would have movie and rock stars on every evening to plug their latest asinine movie or album. Instead, you were as likely to see an interview with Taylor Swift as with the astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Stewart often nailed the balancing act of being entertaining to his audience whilst also encouraging them to broaden their intellectual horizons.
The Muslim world could do with leaders who focused not just on individual spiritual inspiration, but also on societal temporal aspiration as well.
Translation: Where’s the Muslim equivalent of NASA?
5. Someone who tells it with a smile
Lets face it, for someone who has been on TV 4 nights a week for more than 15 years – Jon Stewart has surprisingly few gaffes to highlight. There were only a handful of anger-related meltdowns. There were definitely no unguarded moments where he “heroically” rails against an elected government, but stays silent about a coup and the mass murder of innocent people whose political viewpoint he disagrees with.
No caption would do justice…
Whatever Jon did, he did with grace. He skewered you like a kebab and cut you up like a … kebab. However, he did so with a politeness that made it hard to dislike him.
The Muslim world could do with leaders that managed the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Now some will read the above and wonder why someone who holds as many opinions at odds with Islamic orthodoxy as Stewart should be cast in a favourable light by us. To them I say that I am not advocating taking our religion from him. In fact, the qualities described above are Islamic qualities that are rooted in our deepest traditions, yet somehow are best exemplified these days by non-Muslims like him.
You don’t have to accept his views or his politics to be a fan of the way the man simply excelled at what he did.
And what he did, was shine a searing light on the state of his nation so that maybe, somehow, some way, they might just realise that they could be so much better than they are now.
If that isn’t something that the Muslim world needs right now…then I don’t know what is.
MuslimKidsMatter | Muslim Teenager Posts
Muslim Teenager Posts
By Nura F.
Don’t you hate that awkward moment when you read a Teenager Post you can’t relate to because of how different your lifestyle is from that of many other teens? I’ve stopped that, with my new Teenager Posts for Muslims! The point behind my Muslim Teenager Posts is to provide the countless Muslim youth with appropriate posts to view on the Internet, seeing as there are not that many appropriate ones. Muslim Teenager Posts can also show non-Muslim teenagers what it is like to be a Muslim as a teenager. It is a perfectly harmless, entertaining, and small way to spread Islam, especially since so many of the children these days spend their free time on the Internet. I hope that my Muslim Teenager posts will change the way people think about Muslims and will be relatable for Muslim teens everywhere.
Nura F is sixteen years old and is working to become an author for both children and teens. Her two favorite genres to write about are humor and adventure. Outside of her writing career, Nura loves to bake, read, and draw. She is also an avid blogger and keeps a number of blogs: one about her baking creations, one containing passionate rants, and one about reflections on ayahs in the Qur’an (which she really, really needs to update). Nura lives in Texas, USA, with her parents, sister, and two younger brothers.
(Attention, writers! Muslim Kids Matter is a regular feature at Muslim Matters. New articles for kids are posted every other Sunday. You’re welcome to send in your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org.)
After #TweetlikeABC and #FauxNews: Jon Stewart’s Take on Palestine-Israel Coverage