Connect with us

Family and Community

How Much Should Islamic Clergy Make?

Support MuslimMatters for Just $2

MuslimMatters has been a free service to the community since 2007. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

IbnabeeOmar blogs about organizational development at the Muslim Strategic Initiative. This article was initially posted there and is cross-posted here with a new epilogue.

Slate raised the issue of the salaries of religious clergy highlighting salaries of Priests and Rabbis. Data about Imam salaries was (un)surprisingly hard to find.

The topic of imams’ salaries is for some reason a touchy one, but it is not a complicated issue if approached objectively. We have previously discussed what to look for when hiring an imam. Communities though, set extremely high expectations of what they want.

If those qualifications and expectations were to be put on someone in any other working environment, I would venture to guess the salary discussion would start somewhere in the neighborhood of $200,000 a year.

If your community wants a Superman imam, then they need to be ready to pay a Superman salary.

Aside from that, an imam should be assessed by any other normal scale. Check a person’s qualifications. Someone with a Master’s in Islamic Law and 15 years experience leading a community should command a higher pay than a fresh graduate with no experience. Most masjids though, just have a set amount that they throw at whoever fills the position regardless of qualification.

Along with qualification there needs to be a built in growth mechanism (or career advancement). As the imam gains tenure in the community, the salary should be raised accordingly based on their performance [something ideally settled on in the interview process].

The problem that we run into is we want imams who will give 80 hours a week, but be paid based on 20. In our secular fields, if we have a 4 or 6 year degree, we expect a certain minimum salary to be commensurate with our experience and education. For some reason, we feel this does not apply to imams as if studying Islam and serving or leading a community do not really count.

If we need someone to spend 30-40 hours a week in the masjid, provide 10-20 hours a week of counseling, and on top of that be constantly on-call for marriages, funerals, and other emergencies, then a pay structure should be built to reflect that. Regular jobs that have such requirements will either pay high enough that they can make someone salaried and they will deal with the hours, or there are incentives built in (overtime and on-call pay).

Unfortunately, not only are we not there yet, but we don’t even offer the most basic of benefits yet such as healthcare and reimbursements for education and development. The fact that Slate could so readily collect salary data from the Jewish and Christian communities, but had no starting point for the Muslim community speaks volumes about how far behind we are.

If we truly want community leaders who lead us in prayer, deliver the khutbah on Fridays, counsel our families, and teach our children then it behooves us to make sure they are so well paid that they never have to worry about money. Buy them a house and pay them a full time salary on top of it. We need to take the benefits of a corporate pay structure and apply it to the masjid – with one huge caveat. We cannot adopt the ruthlessness and attitude that people are dispensable that permeates corporate leadership. These are our community leaders, the people we have entrusted our spiritual education to – make sure they are taken care of.

I personally feel that the imam position should be a 6 figure income (adjusted according to cost of living and so on). Smaller communities should still aim to pay at least 50-60 (if not closer to 80). These are simply rough numbers, but I want to throw them out there and move our communities past the expectation that we get tenured scholars who are on the same paygrade (or less) than most entry level positions.

Many communities are still living in a naive reality where they expect an Imam to take a pay of 30-40k just because they are “working for Islam” without any regard to supporting their family. Then we get upset when they take a second job to make ends meet, insisting instead that they dedicate their time to the community. In our non-Islamic professions we aim to secure the highest salary possible and feel insulted if someone offers less than our worth. Let’s stop doing that to our community leaders.

We don’t live in a Muslim country where there are endowments and government grants to support our scholars. Our communities have the money. Fund-raising is not the problem. We just need to understand that our investment in human resources should take precedence over our investment in architectural ones.

Epilogue


In the 2 days since posting this article on muslimsi.com, there has been an outpouring of feedback via comments, Facebook shares, and even personal emails. Based on that feedback I felt it important to highlight a few points.


Most obviously, this is an extremely contentious issue in our community, and it is one that must be resolved in a way that allows our communities to grow and move forward.

When it comes to opposing higher pay (or even pay altogether) for Imams, it comes from a few very specific perspectives. First is the view that people who do Islamic work should not be paid at all (a view that I feel is naive and somewhat ignorant). Second is the view that if an Imam is paid, then it means he must be a perfect human being, or at worst, be like one of the Sahabah in all his actions. Third is the view that if a board pays an Imam, then it means they somehow have total ownership of him.

In all these cases, the root of the problem is a lack of respect for the scholars and community leaders of our ummah. They are not perfect, but if they don’t guide us, who will? Our responsibility as community members is to help them grow, because the more that they grow, the better equipped they are to lead our communities. Instead, we find masjids that are expecting one of the khulafā’ al-rashīdūn to magically come and lead their masjid (and do so for a minimum wage salary at that). Many of our boards have yet to realize that the job description of an Imam in America is vastly different from what an imam does in nearly any other country in the world. The expectations we put on them are herculean to say the least.

This lack of respect comes from not understanding what function the Imam plays in the community. 99% of the people will never see the hours of marital counseling, family counseling, and late night phone calls that imams have to yield. They’ll never see the people who randomly walk into the masjid at odd hours dealing with drug abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sometimes worse trying to find help from the imam. They won’t see the hours of work that will go into preparing a 45-minute halaqah that is then only attended by 10 people.

Our communities are growing rapidly, and with that growth comes new problems and new situations that we must deal with. If we want to live our lives in a way pleasing to Allah, then it is imperative we supply our communities with people capable of leading them and helping us deal with those problems. I find instead that many masjids treat their imams even more ruthlessly than the worst of corporations, not realizing the need the community has for spiritual leadership. They nitpick at them in ways that make it appear as if they consider themselves to be angelic.

Aside from the arguments resulting from a lack of respect, the only other issue is money. I do not think money is an issue. In some smaller communities, it will be, and they’ll have to work through it. But I cannot fathom how seemingly every other masjid has multi-million dollar blueprints and expansion plans, but they can’t afford to invest in quality human resources. This is a joke. Without proper human resources, we will just have empty (but beautiful) structures. Put the money where it’s needed most.

One of the most promising developments I have seen is that there is a surge of people who want to serve this deen full time. They want to study Islam, they want to work for the community full time. But they are held back. Their parents will not stand for them taking a career in the service of Islam and instead push them into other professions. Now it may be easy to criticize a parent and say they are being short-sighted or materialistic, but I do not think that is the case at all. I think most parents have seen the way our communities treat Imams – the most telling sign of which is their low salary (as the saying goes, “put your money where your mouth is”) – and they do not want their children to have to face that.

If our masajid do not get their acts together on this issue, then we are planting a destructive seed that will prevent our development of sustainable scholarship in this country.

Omar Usman is a founding member of MuslimMatters and Qalam Institute. He teaches Islamic seminars across the US including Khateeb Workshop and Fiqh of Social Media. He has served in varying administrative capacities for multiple national and local Islamic organizations. You can follow his work at ibnabeeomar.com.

64 Comments

64 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Naseer

    January 16, 2012 at 6:53 AM

    Could you have said it better? NO!
    it’s pathetic truly, I wish we could wake up and do something, I’m doing my studies now and planning on furthering it soon overseas and my intentions on coming back are limited because I want to actually make a living. Being an Imam from the get go has a negative connotation, which is confusing because of their importance. Oh well, the youth who are interested in studying Islam will do one of two things.

    1. Find the 4% of Masajid in the states that actually pay.
    Or
    2. Move overseas where they are better cared for and can continue to submerge themselves in studies in countries that will better care for them.

    • Avatar

      Joe

      January 17, 2012 at 11:29 PM

      Salam Alaikum

      This article touches on a few important issues, but in my estimate (and I say this working as an Imam) in all of our comments we have missed the mark. We are either concentrating way too much on measurable minutia, or on intangible feelings. We are asking the wrong questions, its not what he does or how much he makes. Those changes with time and place. We should be asking: “What is an Imam?”

      We have no shortage of funding, resources, or facilities in our community. What we also have no shortage of is disjunctive approaches to community advancement . We have a leadership crisis, in which competing visions vie for prominence in a closed environment. This results in hegemony and chaos. Our problem is more psychological than anything; we have a phobia of clear delineated leadership. We hold anarchy as “Shura”, we hold leaders as underlings, we hold trusteeship as oligopoly.

      In summary, the Imam is a leader. He lends organizational representation to his organization, he is a gatekeeper to the institution he is associated with. Due to his religious training, he is the person best fit to design and implement strategic plans for the furtherance of the Mosque’s mission, which at its core is religious in nature.

      We must realize that all other services support the religious nature of our Mosques, and that institutions need leaders to succeed. We will always remain marginalized, because we marginalize our leadership, by either not empowering them, or by not identifying and training potential leaders.

      The Prophet (عليه السلام) said: (إنما جعل الامام ليؤتم به) “The Imam is only there to lead.”
      Allow leaders to lead.

  2. Avatar

    Umm Sulaim

    January 16, 2012 at 7:33 AM

    Great reminder. I think I had a similar debate over a decade ago. Some people would rather the Ambassadors of Islam lived on crumbs.

    The only point on which I disagree with you is good Imams have more or less the same responsibilities everywhere. In fact, those in the developing world face the added problem of lack of access to up-to-date information on some of the issues you mentioned. Some of these societal problems are considered taboo, unlike in the west where it is a daily reality in the news, except for those more comfortable with a conspiracy of silence.

    And is that 50-60 cents? Haha. I think you meant 50000-60000 dollars.

    Umm Sulaim

  3. Avatar

    Mehzabeen (iMuslim)

    January 16, 2012 at 8:49 AM

    Masha’Allah, I agree: investing in people is paramount to investing in architecture. The first caliphs, radiallahu anhum were paid so that they could commit their entire time to the leadership of the Muslim community. Imams should not be made to feel like beggars – especially when it is we who are the needy ones.

    • Avatar

      The Shardul of Allah

      January 16, 2012 at 1:44 PM

      The first caliphs, radiallahu anhum were paid so that they could commit their entire time to the leadership of the Muslim community.

      Yes, the first Caliphs were allowed to take their portions from the national treasury, but they would only take the bare minimum. In fact, Abu Bakr (R) did not take anything from the national treasury. He used to live on his own. As for the Umar (R), he would also take extremely little. Uthman (R) did not need anything from the treasury because he himself was very wealthy. Ali (R) was also a great ascetic.

      Despite surviving on their own, the Caliphs had served the ummah in the best possible way. Despite being a caliph, Abu Bakr (R) would go out in the outskirts of Madina to milk the goats of some old women. Umar (R) saw this one day and asked those women, “Do you know who this man is?” They replied in negative. Umar (R) then cried and said,”O Abu Bakr! Indeed you have raised standard of khalifah to a very high place.”

      Uthman (R) had the highest number of camels among the Arabs. Yet when he became the Caliph, he had only two camels. He donated the rest in the cause of Allah.

      I am not saying that imams should not be paid. We should offer them a salary that commensurate their experience, knowledge, and the hours they spent each week for community service. However, it should be up to the imams whether they would take such a high salary.

      In my humble opinion, although imams are giving a lot of their time and effort in their professional role, it would be unfair to compare imamah with other profession. Because there will be no more prophets, and thus the duty of keeping the ummah guided has been transferred to the shoulders of imams. Thus the profession of imam is noble profession and people serve as imams for the sake of Allah and reward in the hereafter first, and for the sake of money second.

      Again I am not saying that imams should not be paid, but I will recall this incident only to highlight the nobility of this career: The Messenger of Allah used sleep in a bed made up of dates palm barks. When he would sit on it, it create marks on his body. Umar (R) saw this one day and cried, “O The Messenger of Allah! The Romans and the Persian Emperors sleep on comfy beds despite being kuffars and you sleep on such rough beds despite being the Messenger of Allah?” The Messenger of Allah become angry hearing this statement. He reminded Umar (R) that we have akhirah while the Roman and Persian Emperors had only duniya.

      • Avatar

        mw_m

        January 16, 2012 at 4:17 PM

        You make a very good point akhi. However, you have to keep in mind that being Muslim in America raises some new issues that the khulafa did not have to deal with:

        Transportation: It’s becoming pretty much a necessity for families with children to have two cars. One for the breadwinner, one for the parent who’s taking care of the children to drive them to and from school, extracurricular activities, Islamic weekend school, etc. Two cars means double the expense. Say the imam drives a Toyota Camry and his wife drives a Honda Accord (neither of which are extravagant). That’s a substantial sum of money.

        Education: Sure, public school is an option, but many imams might prefer to send their children to Islamic school or private school. That’s a substantial expense right there. Add to that children who are going to college. Even a public university where the child stays at home runs close to $10,000 a year. Three children in college at once ad you’re looking at $30,000 in tuition alone.

        Vacation: This might seem like a luxury that the khulafa did not have but in reality, this is a necessity. Families no longer spend as much time together and if the imam never goes on vacation with his family, you’re looking at some serious domestic problems. Add in some expenses here as well.

        And finally, take into account the high school student with a 90 percentile plus ACT/SAT score. He tells his parents he wants to become an imam, what do you think their response is going to be? 30k a year for the rest of his life, being a slave to the masjid board (since he has no way to save up and is living hand to mouth) or 300k a year as a physician where he can “learn some Islam on the side.” The fact of the matter is that, with the rare exceptions that we know so well, the majority of people who are able to actually go on to become imams in America are not the most intelligent young men we have. I can easily think off the top of my head at least 4 or 5 brothers who would have loved to become imams but because of the concern of their parents are currently pursing the path to become physicians.

      • Avatar

        James

        January 17, 2012 at 8:34 AM

        Salaam.

        You mentioned the poverty that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and some of the Khulafa experienced. Keep in mind that this poverty was optional. In hadith, the prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) mentioned that he was given the choice to live as a prophet and king or a prophet in poverty, and he opted for the latter.

        It is the responsibility of masjid boards to give Imams a decent salary that allows them to not constantly be worrying about covering expenses, etc. If the Imams choose to donate majority of it in the path of Allah, and live hand to mouth, that is their choice. However, there is a fine line between masjid boards imposing poverty on imams and masjid boards giving imams a decent salary with the imams deciding for themselves how they want to use it.

      • Avatar

        Zebram Zee

        February 9, 2012 at 9:30 PM

        I dont agree completely.  While Imams should not take ostentatious salaries, also keep in mind that the caliphs took little in part because taxes are forced contributions, and they did not want to force people to pay up so they could live a nice life.  In the case of Imams here, however, they are being paid through voluntary contributions.

      • Avatar

        ummabduWahab

        June 27, 2016 at 10:30 PM

        JAZAKALLAHUKHYRE for that brother MASHALLAH ALLAHUMAH barik lak you have spoken with knowledge and understanding of it may ALLAH reward you for reminding us.. I do agree that sometimes a Imam is over worked and sometimes doing what a scholar should be doing. There is responsibility on the directors of masjids that each person is in the places of there capacity that is another topic a very important topic that does need to be addressed. However if we concentrate just about the pay of the Imam this is what I have to say: What we know from the book of ALLAH is that this world is a delusion and most are deluded by the pomp and glitter of it.

        “Indeed, We have made that which is on the earth adornment for it that we may test them (as to) which of them is best in deed” Quran surah 18 verse 7

        ” But you prefer the worldly life. While the hereafter is better and more enduring”
        Quran surah 87 verse 16&17

        “And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion”
        Quran surah 3 verse 185

        Any Imam must first and foremost know that the service they are doing is for ALLAH and with ALLAH is the best of provision and reward in this world and the next and if one is sincere in their service to ALLAH, they will never regret, suffer or complain. However an Imam must live, eat, cloth and shelter himself and family and normal necessities etc but not to delude oneself to what the normal necessities are. So to ask or to be paid to what is necessary for his position and the rest he can feel safe that his reward is with ALLAH..
        There is no worldly price on this work and I have heard much people value the Imams work in worldly terms which is an obvious lack in faith or understanding. The Imam should be paid to live within his means. So he is able to keep his role as Imam so not to pass his time else where in order to provide. But if he has higher expectations or desire for worldly benefits maybe he could leave his role to a more humble sincere individual who has the right understanding and intention of being Imam INSHALLAH.
        The first and foremost the intention should be to please ALLAH and serve his deen for the sake of ALLAH and not for the pay check that’s if he wants to receive the real benefits and sweetness of being Imam and receive the true rewards in this world and the next. And ALLAH knows best.
        May ALLAH guide us and guide our Imams to guide us.

  4. Avatar

    Basil Mohamed Gohar

    January 16, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    Baarak Allaahu feek wa jazaak Allaahu khayran, yaa akhee, for sharing this with us. I had just received a link to that Slate article a few days ago, and I debated whether or not to even share it with our own imaam – would it make him feel better or worse, given that we’re facing exactly this situation in our community.

    I think there’s another shade to this problem. Some people, especially in the administration and/or amongst the elders/uncles of the community, don’t even want an imaam in the true sense. They want a Quran teacher, an imaam only for prayers, and a worker for the masjid. Beyond that, they think that their (the uncles’) own secular education will be enough to lead the community Islamically. You’ve hinted at this, I think, in that the administration might want complete control over the imaam.

    There’s a real failing in our communities in accepting that we need to have sound and strong Islamic leadership to achieve anything close to the concept of an Islamic community. We should strive hard to find good leaders, compensate them appropriately, and once they’re in place, support them in all the good that they do, and most importantly, have a degree of trust in their choices and decisions, and follow them as long as they are in line with Quran & Sunnah.

    I could probably go on until I hit the comment length limit, so I’ll leave it this, and I just want to share that it’s a problem felt far-and-wide. May Allaah correct our understanding of Islamic scholarship and its worth and necessity in our communities.

    • Avatar

      mw_m

      January 16, 2012 at 4:20 PM

      I think there’s another shade to this problem. Some people, especially in the administration and/or amongst the elders/uncles of the community, don’t even want an imaam in the true sense.

      This.

      We actually had an uncle of the community stand up and say quite explicitly that American Muslims have no need for an “imam.” All we need is a hafidh to lead the prayers and taraweeh. Any “imam” duties can be taken over by the non-religiously trained uncles (he clearly stated this very sentiment). As long as communities don’t see a need for imams, we’re going to run into this issue.

  5. Avatar

    Teaching Kids the Holy Quran using toys

    January 16, 2012 at 10:01 AM

    I think the Muslim community should split the roles. An imam is someone who leads you in prayer (probably because he knows more of the Holy Quran). A scholar is someone who knows a lot about fiqh and can give fatwas. Every mosque should have a resident scholar who lives in the community and “gets” them. You can probably have 2-3 imams who rotate their schedule. Marriage counsellors should be separate and should work in hand with the scholar, but should be specialized to save marriages.

    It is hard to have a super human imam that can do all.

    Another idea that needs to take hold in the community is that these people should not be paid highly as they are distributing Islamic knowledge and “working for Islam”. Why should they not be paid? They are providing a service.

    And finally, I have seen many people illegally record lectures and made dvds from original lectures sold by the scholars, because “it’s for Islam” (so copyright laws don’t apply?). This also needs to be tackled with.

    — Mezba

    • Avatar

      Siraaj

      January 16, 2012 at 1:14 PM

      Mezba, my thoughts exactly. Oftentimes, imams and scholars are lumped together in one bundle, but the needs of the community are becoming more and more compartmentalized and we’re finding it’s better to have trained specialists in an area rather than a jack of all trades.

      I believe another problem our community faces is the belief that knowing the Qur’aan or understanding jurisprudence equals leadership capability, marital counseling specialties, and so on. I think these and other skills have to be both trained in some academic sense and then practiced, otherwise it becomes on the job training with the barometer being the satisfaction of the board, and if their standard is too low, then the community suffers for it, and if it’s too high, too much stress is placed on the imam.

      Siraaj

  6. Avatar

    Jo

    January 16, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    as salaam alaikum,

    Actually, in my mind it makes more sense to pay an Imam a housing allowance than to buy a house.

    My father is the treasurer of his church and he knows all the ins and outs of clergy pay so that it is beneficial for both the church and the pastor.

    Maybe we as an ummah should use some of our interfaith connections to talk to churches who have been doing this for decades in order to learn what we’ve been missing.

    http://www.freechurchaccounting.com/housingallowance.html

    • Avatar

      ahmed

      January 16, 2012 at 11:58 AM

      this link is very interesting, jazakum Allahu khairan.

      • Avatar

        Jo

        January 16, 2012 at 1:14 PM

        waiyyakum

    • Avatar

      Siraaj

      January 16, 2012 at 1:07 PM

      This is a great suggestion – it would be great if individuals could come together and put together a suggested package for taking care of Imams and community leaders, and researching models that already exist in other communities to brainstorm what is appropriate for their own.

      Siraaj

  7. Avatar

    Bader

    January 16, 2012 at 1:18 PM

    Clergy = a term for and used by Christians about their own qississin;
    Imam (of a Masjid) is the proper term. Walhamdulillah.

    • Avatar

      ibnabeeomar

      January 16, 2012 at 1:28 PM

      the term clergy was used because it was in response to an article by slate that used the term [see the initial link in the article]

  8. Avatar

    AycaB

    January 16, 2012 at 2:40 PM

    It is permissable to take money for teaching our deen. A person has to earn a living, and the best way to earn a living is one which strives for Allah’s cause or to spread His message. So, for example, just like lawyers who fight for Muslims in court cases for the sake of Allah, just like doctors in Palestine operate on wounded citizens for the sake of Allah, just like judges want to do justice for the sake of Allah, it is no different than imams, sheiks, or alimas who teach and preach for the sake of Allah. I mean Allah didn’t expect people to work for free in dunya and beg people for money!! It is instructed for Muslims to go into professions for the sake of Allah, so this whole paying imams, sheiks, and alimas should be a non-issue. Moreover, Imams, sheiks, and alimas do more than teach and preach, they put up with their congregates myriad of problems! They remind me of college deans….they do it all. Moreover, Islamic religious preachers these days almost always have advanced degrees too. Who do you think will pay for their loans if they aren’t paid well?!

  9. Avatar

    AbdelRahman Murphy

    January 16, 2012 at 3:32 PM

    Observation: interesting that people who don’t serve as imams or full-time community workers feel so strongly about the issue. For those who support adequate salaries, this is comforting. For those who are still a little stuck in the dark ages, this is frightening.

    I’d like to hear reflections from some imams or full-time community workers.

  10. Avatar

    bint

    January 16, 2012 at 5:05 PM

    jazakAllah khayr for raising this issue that certainly needs to be touched on. I completely agree with you. My husband serves as an Imam and I can attest to how much overtime hours he puts into his community. He even spends time at the masjid on his days off. Unfortunately, he hardly has time to spend at home with family. And he’s always on the phone, either counseling or dealing with masjid-related issues. The point I’m trying to make is that Imams definitely work hard and put a lot of time and effort into their jobs and should be paid accordingly. There is nothing wrong with taking money for serving the deen, after all they do have families to support just like everyone else.

  11. Avatar

    Nahyan

    January 16, 2012 at 6:32 PM

    Excellent article akhi.

  12. Avatar

    Abdullah

    January 16, 2012 at 9:29 PM

    It’s interesting that we like to make fun of Jewish people and we have a stereotype about them being stingy, but in this case, it is the Muslims who are at the bottom when it comes to spending on their Imams. There are MANY communities in the US, that if you were to add all the wages of the community members, it would run into the MANY millions! Every year, so many Muslim communities are making tens of millions of dollars prior to taxes and they aren’t even ready to pay $50k per year to the Imam. Then they complain that their kids have gone astray and their kids have abandoned them in their old age and other complaints. Well, maybe if the kids were attracted to Islamic teachings because of having a good Imam, then they would be more religiously inclined. But your whole life was all about making money and religion played a very minimal role and your children saw that. So don’t go crying about your children not caring about you. They might have cared if they had a better Imam who influenced them in a positive way.

  13. Avatar

    Abdullah

    January 16, 2012 at 9:56 PM

    @The Shardul of Allah

    Masha Allah, beautiful advice for the Imams.

    I guess the advice to you would be to leave whatever you are doing and go and become an Imam because Masha Allah, you write like an intellectual.

    If you don’t want to, even though Islamic rewards wise, the Imam position is the most rewarding, then please make sure that you never buy a house. Make sure that your car does not cost more than $5,000. Also, please make sure that whatever money you earn, that ALL of it is donated to your local Masjid because that is what Abu Bakr r.a. did right?

    Along with financial hardships, the Imam must also bear taunts of certain segments of the congregation. Your recitation will always be compared to Shaikh Sudais or Shatri and every speech of yours will be compared to the speeches of Shaykhs Hamzah Yusuf or Yasir Qadhi. So you must recite like Sudais, speak like Yusuf, be as handsome as Pitt (that was so random :) ), and live on minimum wages with no health insurance for the whole family.

    God Forbid! If you get a house, or start driving a decent vehicle, or start wearing decent clothes, then you will once again have to face the jealousy and hatred of some parts of the community. Along with all that, you will rarely get a word of appreciation from the community. If you make a mistake, you will be compared to public figures who earn millions of dollars, but when it comes to actual pay, your pay will be paid less than a school teacher.

    But financial hardships can be tolerated, but what can never be tolerated is when Imams are disrespected when they are treated as the doormat of the community. Anyone can say or do anything to the Imam, but the board will not side with you. Welcome to the life of an Imam! :) Go and show your appreciation to the Imam the next time you see him. I know I am going to do it the next time I see him.

  14. Avatar

    Shirtman

    January 16, 2012 at 10:31 PM

    Salaam,

    So it’s been like years since I have posted on here. But thank you Omar for bringing this into light. I have worked full time in the Islamic realm making a very modest salary, but having to go through alot of pain and suffering. I have also volunteered as an Imam as well, paying for gas etc. To be very honest, the salary should be greater than our Jewish cohorts. The reason is that the Jewish community focuses on one main ethnic group with a slight variance of Ethiopians, Persians etc. While American Imams have to deal with people from all regions of the world, following various madhahib both theological and jurisprudential. They also have to deal with the culture clash of U.S. raised Muslims and immigrant Muslims, converts, African American community and so on. The expectations are out of this world. It would honestly take someone about 20 years of study and experience to meet all of the demands, SubhanAllah and then expect them to take 30k, and be on call, is ridiculous. May Allah bring honor back to the positions of Islam.

    Shirtman

  15. Avatar

    Carlos

    January 17, 2012 at 1:08 AM

    The largest mansion near my house is owned by a televangelist. Makes me mad.

    • Avatar

      Anonymous

      February 9, 2012 at 4:02 AM

      It shouldn’t make you mad.  Our imams are supposed to be an example.  Zuhd is something this ummah is lacking, especially those of us in the west, and the imams ought to set an example for us in zuhd – and many do which is just fine alhamdulillah.

      If an imam had the largest mansion, that would make me mad.

  16. Avatar

    ِابو سهل الملون

    January 17, 2012 at 5:52 AM

    Assalamu Alaikum .W.B.

    a vital matter, and very enlightening contributions.

    I would think this is a two pronged issue, As a preamble… No community would ever be able to pay an Imam for any service of Deen that he has offered, remember that if He taught me or my son / daughter to read a surah nay a verse or for that matter even a word, the worlds riches would be small to repay him. AND THIS IS NO SUPERNAL/PLAIN SPIRITUAL REPERTOIRE, THIS IS A FACT Which we need to concede to and accept. However, as SHARDUL of Allah correctly states that this position is similar to the post held by the Khulafaa and Hukkaam of the Golden Era (khayrul Quroon), and the directives or inspiration we draw from their blessed lives should be the benchmark and blue print of a scholar today too. A student of deen who studies the sciences, pursues this NOT with the intention of enhancing his absorption in worldly pursuits, instead one is motivated by a far more loftier and nobler purpose. and thus one will accept ineluctably and naturally that pursuing this career would not yield to me a lavish “living like the Jonses” kind of life, instead I would be inheriting the legacy of the Prophet A.S. which is “I eat one day and I thank HIM and I stay hungry one day and say Alhamdulillah….” (bear in mind that The prophet S.A.W said that amongst the signs of the hour is that KNOWLEDGE WILL BE PURSUED FOR PURPOSES OTHER THAN THE PLEASURE OF ALLAH. (Tirmidhi) ” so the student of Islam attempts for a degree in philosophy, arts religion to enhance his/her vehicle of delivering the message or even understanding, and NOT for the sake of adding another appellate , title to one’s name hence increase the bid or stakes… Now heres the twist, all this is for the STUDENT/scholar to know and digest and internalize and NOT, yes NOT for the committee members to brandish when interviewing him!! otherwise priorities are messed up and muddled. The committee on the other hand should be focused on sustaining and maintaining that Imam somewhat like the way the Ansaar of Madinah did for our Nabi S.A.W and the muhaajireen, that we will take care of you, your needs your requirements as we would do for our own folk, NOT BECAUSE WE DOING A FAVOR TO YOU, BUT VERY MUCH THE OPPOSITE,,, YOU are DOING A GOOD TURN TO US. This attitude can bring about the correct ideals in both. Now a practical step: we pay the Imam for the time He gives (not his service) so Have the Imaam do office hours e.g 9-5 including mornings and pay him for that time as we would pay a community worker as per his credentials/experience etc. the Imam will run the Masjid office for all social/domestic/school visit/ official work.(Believe me there’s alot of work out there , open an office and you’ll see for yourself….. the Masjid will become a hub, the Imam could then be sent for training/qualifications as per the need) counselling, rehab, support worker . that time spent should be
    remunerated for. Over and above that time , the community should take it as his favor upon them, He’s our asset and thus it is our duty and we need to make his life easier in what ever way possible. decent house, However, individual gifts of money etc. should be avoided as it carries the risk of polluting thoughts of the Imam as well as that of the community.
    Dearest Brothers, in conclusion let me say that this is workable, and it is currently happening. I share this humbly because I am an Imam, and the last four years this is how we’ve “brokered the deal” and sincerely request your Duas.

    • Avatar

      ummabduWahab

      June 27, 2016 at 11:28 PM

      JAZAKALLAHUKHYRE, may ALLAH reward you for your efforts. And there’s alot you said I agree with may ALLAH guide us on the path of guidance and cause us to be among the best and most pleasing to Him.

    • Avatar

      ummabduWahab

      June 27, 2016 at 11:42 PM

      JAZAKALLAHUKHYRE to the brother post ابو سهل الملون ALLAH reward you for your efforts. And there’s alot you said I agree with may ALLAH guide us on the path of guidance and cause us to be among the best and most pleasing to Him.

  17. Avatar

    Abdullah

    January 17, 2012 at 7:12 AM

    Brother ibnabeeomar, Jazakumullah for the wonderful article. I just hope that picture of the check with something like the $150 amount is not an Imam’s monthly pay check. : )

  18. Avatar

    ummMaryam

    January 17, 2012 at 9:22 AM

    salamu ‘alaykum,

    my husband is the principal of an islamic school…was wondering if the author would agree to apply a similar logic to such positions. the community expects the principal of the school to also be the janitor of the school and consider it a huge favor upon him that he is paid over 40000. when he works 70 hours a week like a doctor on call. shouldn’t imams and those taking care of the youth and the “spiritual hearts” of the muslims be valued a bit more? when i say doctor on call, i am serious. muslims use the “akhee” factor too much. you see the islamic school principal in the masjid for isha, catch him for a one hour discussion about your child. would a person ever think of calling their child’s middle or high public school principal on weekends or evenings on a regular basis, and think they own him like that? or if they see him at a restaurant, would they say : do you have a few minutes and then chat for a couple hours? likewise, anytime there are community events to be held at the school, who do you call to open the building and clean up aftewards? oh yeah the school building maintenance person (ie principal).

    then, when the board discusses a possible salary increase, they put the guilt factor on the person by saying something like: “you know the financial situation of the school, but how much of a raise would you need to be comfortable?” and a person as nice as my husband, will only ask for 1 or 2 thousand increase when what he really needs is at least 10 more so that he can visit his old parents and take care of basic needs.

    inshallah he’s planning to quit islamic schools within a year or two so he can work for a public elementary school or a school district to earn normal pay for his education and experience.

    • Avatar

      ahmed

      January 17, 2012 at 1:51 PM

      subhaan Allah sister, these problems are so widespread

      May Allah bless you and your family with Jannatul Firdaws among the Prophet SAWS

  19. Avatar

    Filisteeniyyah

    January 17, 2012 at 10:52 AM

    MashaAllah a great article! Alhamdulillah I’ve been blessed to be a wife of a full-time da’ee, and let me tell you I’ve seen some very shallow minded Masjid admins over the years that my husband had to deal with. By the Qadr of Allah we came across some really bad admins, e.g. at the last Masjid my husband was Imaam, we used to get 800-1000 people during jumu’ah! During his regular weekly halaqaat about 100 atleast would show up. For the weekend school we had more than 200 kids. Ya’ni a very big community. Yet the admin paid my husband literally peanuts to the point that we couldn’t even afford rent for apartment! We didn’t care because this is what he loves. Then the admin used to have meetings with my husband every few days complaining that their sons were becoming too religious and their daughters were starting to veil up through hanging around with me. They wanted to control my husband’s mouth and removed me from teaching at the weekend school. So my husband told them “you pay me an amount with which i can’t even afford rent and with this lousy amount you even want to buy my mouth!” We left that community Alhamdulillah.
    This is just one example. I can give worse stories about how he was seen as nothing but a doormat by the “elite uncles” of the community. He actually served as Imaam for 3 different Masaajid over the past 7years. My husband mashAllah is very good with money management and we were able to get by the Rahmah of Allah. But eventually guess what, we both really got fed up with administrations and he has not served as an Imaam any where during this past year. He just teaches classes here and there on a weekly basis and helps brothers & sisters with their personal problems.
    But wallah, the youth of the community, the mothers, etc still keep in contact with my husband and are happy with what he did for them.
    And I am witness to what my husband does and I say wallah I could not be happier than to be married to someone like him who never cares about how deep of a financial crisis he’s in but he’ll never water the Sunnah down just to please mafia administrations. These admins do not care to see what good Imaams do for the community. SubhanAllah even at 2AM my husband went to do ruqyaa for a family that was effected by sihr. This is what he learned from his shuyookh and this is the effort he puts in towards the Ummah. This is what it means to be caller to Tawheed. Doesn’t matter what the elites do, but you can not deprive the innocent laymen of the community.
    We struggle a lot and I mean a lot Alhamdulillah. There have been times when we could only afford one meal a day due to our circumstances but wallah my husband always tells me that no salary will ever equal to knowing that there were teens who used to commit zina but after sitting through kitaab at tawheed gave up that life and now is doing his best to follow the Sunnah.
    Gone are the times of ‘Umar radiyaAllahu ‘anhu who used to personally make sure the governors, judges, imaams were being paid proper salary. Most admins in the West do not even understand the value of a Sheikh, Taalib ul ‘ilm & du’aat. Some admins do understand as long as the Imaam will speak according to their watered down and deviant ideologies. At the end of the day we’re left with an extremely small percentage of Masaajid admins who value a da’ee based on his adherence to the Sunnah.
    And you know, my husband had some of his engineer friends tell him on his face “bro quit and do something else, people don’t understand these days…just take care of your family”
    To all the hyped up kids who think life of a da’ee must be very cool…yes Alhamdulillah for some it is very easy financially but for a lot of others, Alhamdulillah, it is filled with obstacles. You must always prepare for such hardship. Like the saying goes “hope for the best but be prepared for the worst”. And remember once you put your foot in this profession, you cannot quit and go do something else. How will you face Allah? Just because Allah gave you some financial hardship you quit calling people to His Deen & Sunnah of His Messenger??
    My husband has options of leaving USA and teaching in a school in some other country but he feels (and I do too) that there is a far bigger need for du’aat upon the Sunnah, even small ones like himself, here. The younger generation are hungry for knowledge and the door to perverted ideologies is easily available too and therefore every Sheikh/Taalib ul ‘ilm/Da’ee…famous or unknown…big or small timers…need to play a collective role in calling people to the Tawheed of Allah and the authentic Sunnah of His Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
    Once I’m done with my own studies InshaAllah I really want to write a book about all the things I’ve faced and seen my husband face being a da’ee. Sincere Muslims need to hear these things more so that they can work together and build better communities away from mafia admins that are so common these days.

    • Avatar

      ahmed

      January 17, 2012 at 1:47 PM

      Jazaky Allahu khairan sister, a very important and heartbreaking look into the life of an Imam and his family.

      May Allah bless you and your family with Jannatul Firdaws among the Prophet SAWS

  20. Avatar

    AnonyMouse

    January 17, 2012 at 12:10 PM

    What I find ironic is that people are so willing to fork over hundreds and thousands of dollars to take a course by a superstar shaykh, but are unwilling to part with a couple hundred dollars for their local Imam who shows up for salah 5 times a day, teaches Arabic, Qur’an, Islamic studies, etc. another X number of days a week, and on top of that, serves as a counselor in practically every other field as well (all during totally random hours, including the very wee hours of morning)!
    These are the people who don’t just spend a weekend or two with you – these are the people who are living with you and serving you every single day!

    • Avatar

      mw_m

      January 17, 2012 at 7:04 PM

      but…..but….they’re not FAMOUS!

  21. Avatar

    Abdullah

    January 17, 2012 at 10:26 PM

    A commentator mentioned this previously, and the same comment is used by some people to look down on imams when they try to insinuate that you only became an Imam because you weren’t doing well in school. Do you know how offensive that sounds? I would totally disagree with that generalization. I have come across so many Imams and Islamic scholars who were amazingly smart. They could easily have gone to work in the most rewarding of professions. The way I see it is like this. Parents who are not religiously inclined will never permit their children to become Islamic scholars and Imams even if their children are not doing well in their secular education. Most Imams and Islamic scholars had parents who cared about Islam and that is why they encouraged their kids to become Islamic scholars. From these, there are intellectuals and there are others who are not. Just like in any other profession. But I find it offensive that we dismiss Imams and Islamic scholars by saying that they only chose that profession because they were weak at school.

    On another point, if you look at all the major famous Islamic scholars and speakers in the US, majority of them are not Imams. They are running their own thing because they don’t want to deal at times with low wages and power hungry board members. I’m surprised that Shaykh Yasir is an Imam in Memphis and I notice that he only delivers two Jumahs a month even though Masha Allah, he is an amazing scholar. (http://www.memphisislamiccenter.org/) I would be EXTREMELY surprised if Imam Suhaib stays in the same Boston masjid as an Imam for five years (http://isbcc.org/).

    • Avatar

      Fezz

      January 18, 2012 at 2:11 PM

      No I think you misread the point. There was a time where parents would love for their children to take up a full scholastic education and go on to become scholars/imams (look at the time of the early generations etc). We need to acknowledge that ON AVERAGE this is not the case anymore. However many of the top scholars/Imams are – of course – exceptional talents and inshAllah will continue to be so.

  22. Avatar

    Brother

    January 17, 2012 at 11:48 PM

    Unfortunately the local scholar in my community has attracted hoards of youth to his nightly talks yet the masjid hasn’t even considered paying him. The actual Imam of that masjid only comes on specific days and leaves the masjid on the days that he isn’t there for the laymen to lead the prayers. Yet the uncles have all the money in the world to make the masjid even larger than its original form even though it’s been in construction for 5+ years! Also, the youth in my community are scared of even considering a life as an Imam/Scholar to serve the community due to the fact that their is no one that will help them maintain a living if they do come back. Tawakaltu Al Allah.

  23. Yahya Ibrahim

    Yahya Ibrahim

    January 18, 2012 at 9:10 AM

    Bismisllah,

    The one who sets on the path of dawah MUST prepare for a life of austerity and prepare his family for limited resources.

    Sometimes it would cost considerable money to attend a conference for a speaking engagement.

    You take unpaid leave from work, travel around the world, leave your family, park your car at the airport at 30 dollars a night, buy gifts for the family, and receive a box of chocolates as a gift after speaking to an audience of thousands who paid tickets to see you and others live.

    You return home to line up in Immigration and be picked up/taxi/drive home out of pocket and seek Allah’s reward.
    WALLAHI it is a blessed life that you cannot appreciate until you experience it. Allah provides Alhamdulillah.

    That is the reality. Wa Alhamdulillah. You must have another career to survive.

    Eventually some give up, or begin charging a modest fee…even though it pains them to do so.

    I ask Allah to increase our rizq and put baraka in our families and preserve our health and honour.

    Some superstars of course do not experience the above anymore, but 100% of them have in the past.

    yahya
    http://www.facebook.com/yahya.adel.ibrahim

    • Avatar

      ahmed

      January 18, 2012 at 11:20 AM

      That is the reality. Wa Alhamdulillah. You must have another career to survive.

      Subhaan Allah, this is the truth. A relative of mine is kind of on the board of a couple of masajid and he sees how the Imams get treated, but cannot do anything about it. He says exactly the same as you mentioned Shaikh.

      Jazakum Allahu khairan.

    • Avatar

      ummMaryam

      January 18, 2012 at 1:13 PM

      alhamdulillah, you are right. Allah ‘azza wa jall takes care of everyone. The point is rather, so if an islamic school principal with a family of 6 is not making enough from the “poor” school whose board is pouring in thousands to have hi tech facilities and take seniors on an school paid senior trip during spring break, and then the principal chooses as a result to take a different job because he can’t even pay his own rent or visit his 80 year old parents across the country once a year, THEN it is up to the community to decide how much do they really want this principal (or same could go for imam scenario) with whom they are entrusting their kids. it’s not about having a huge salary, it’s about the following:

      for the sake of da’wa to the whole community and their kids, a person may not be able to fulfill the rights of old parents…so then yes, it’s the right of the person to change jobs, but at the community’s loss.

      it is not fair to expect the islamic worker to be there round the clock and not give him a chance for the tarbiya of his own kids (i’m sure everyone knows the scenario of the imam with the naughtiest kids in town)…

      alhamdulillah, we are content with our situation, but at some point, my husband’s parents and our own kids must come before the kids of the rest of the community… we have to save ourselves and our families from the fire before the rest of the town,,,

      so the smart thing: if there is a really talented imam/principal: ask him: what do you need to stay here? what tutoring needs do your kids have? we wil pay for those since we are taking you away from your own family. it’s not about having the designer clothes, nice house or sporty car. we’ll stick with our ’95 corolla.

  24. Avatar

    Sabour

    January 18, 2012 at 12:52 PM

    Great points in the article and in the comments.

    I agree that our resident imaams, scholars, counselors etc. should be selected carefully based on their relevant qualifications – and as a result they should be paid well and taken care of thoroughly.

    The biggest concern should be mismanagement of masjid funds for other expenses, because masjid boards and leaders may not be carefully chosen based on qualifications, and as a result they can be horribly incompetent. How many of them have the years of education to manage such a huge community structure? Almost none.

    Considering the embarrassing and unprofessional levels most communities go to to collect donations (especially during Ramadaan), and the sheer magnitude of funds that are collected, it should set off an alarm that we’re even discussing the pay of our highest priority expenses. How many million dollar masjids do we have with half a dollar khutbahs?

    Our management and finances are at the crux of the issue, and if we don’t fix this we’re going to be paying the price (pun intended).

    • Avatar

      ibnabeeomar

      January 18, 2012 at 12:56 PM

      agree completely.. we’re hoping muslimsi.com starts making small inroads in fixing the management issue :)

    • Avatar

      ummMaryam

      January 18, 2012 at 1:20 PM

      salamu ‘alaikum,

      jazakAllah khair. you are spot on.. thousands will go into facilities without a single raised eyebrow, but pay an islamic worker over 40,000 and the rumor mills abound…”Wallahi, how could he? Take that much from the community?” And if he tries to do private tutoring or other programs on the side for the income his family needs, everyone is taking account as if it’s their own bank savings they’re worried about losing.

      Remember the one saved on the day of J is : illa man ata Allaha bi qalbin saleem. so shouldn’t the spiritual heart doctor of islamic communities be considered of value?

  25. Avatar

    Fezz

    January 18, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    Are they that desparate for a pay increase? I disagree that we should regard this as another “labour market” issue. Being an imam is not “just another job” There are many Imams already on MM who could comment better.

    More money would probably help and form reading the above seems warranted. But I suspect what many would value far far more is primarily respect, freedom and the autonomy to lead and develop services for their community. Give them the funds to invest in professional development be that futhering a specialist interest (educating children / marriage counselling) or even on general scholarly development (budgets to expend on overseas courses, seminars and workshops etc)

    The modern western mosque is evolving from being merely a prayer area to a community centre/educational establishment/youth centre etc. (infact as it orginally was and should be!). The role definitions of imams are changing (although not uniformly) and I guess there is a lag behind in this for renumeration.

    Ultimately, we should look at the transformative effect highly motivated scholastic imams can have on our community. Their salary is not just a paycheck. Given to the right person its a crucial investment in the community and our future.

  26. Avatar

    Fezz

    January 18, 2012 at 2:38 PM

    Arrgh! My orginal post got lost but the essence of it was;
    Do imams want more pay? MM has many people better able to comment but perhaps not all do. I supect many are underpaid (although I dont know what the average available supply of mosque funds would be in any case). I hesitate about looking at this as a ‘labour market’ issue; its not ‘just another job’.

    I suspect what many would much rather have just more respect, and the freedom and autonomy to develop services to meet the needs of the community. Particularly funds for develping specialist interests (marriage, educating children etc), profressional developement (overseas study, courses and seminars) and also to bring in other committed and talented people to support them in this work (yes that includes bringing in the YOUTH)

    We need a better understanding of what we want from Imams as they evolve from just someone who reads the prayer to a Leader of the Community. The prayer centre is now a centre for youth work, marriage counselling and so much more. Centres and talent vary; a ‘one-size fits all’ salary is clearly inadequate.

    We can see what a transformative effect some of the scholared imams can have not just on their community but on the regions around them as well. Utlimately paying an imam is not just a salary, its an investment in the commnity.

    jzk

  27. Avatar

    none

    January 18, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    The issue at hand is not for the present but also investing in our future. There is a bright, young hafidh of Quran somewhere today who can soak up knowledge and dispense it with wisdom who might be goaded towards an attractive profession in the dunya because of some needs his family has. If you want to be a zahid, please feel free to pack up and get out of America because zuhd over here still requires money. Zuhd can’t be practiced at the expense of someone else’s life. These imams are not celibate, they have families, kids, expenses.These imams are born of parents and may have to provide for them especially after they invested 25K in that special islamic school to keep the imams away from loose women in junior high school (rolls eyes) .

    Having said that the salary range is ridiculous. Many people have to wear numerous hats at their job and are not blessed with a 100K salary. It should be region specific and it should be based the masjid’s viability in the business arena. Masjids have to figure out how to generate income and get their communities involved. My dollars will get stretched thin if the leaky roof has to get fixed, the electric bill needs to get paid and an imam hasn’t gotten his $7000 paycheck, apart from the barakah Allah puts in the donation. We have blessings and we have miracles, we can’t count on the imam’s paycheck materializing from blessings. They aren’t Maryam (alayhis salaam).

    And while Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, Ali, Hasan, and Muawiya are excellent examples, we are going to have some bad imams, some worldly imams, some imams who want to be ballers. We are talking about a budding industry, a profession, not about character. Their talents need to be utilized not shunned due to poor income.

  28. Avatar

    Yasmin

    February 6, 2012 at 3:06 PM

    Jazakallah khair for shedding light on this very important issue! I was one of those naive people who thought Imams didn’t get paid. However, after reading this informative article I am confident that our Imams should be paid a reasonable and fair salary!

  29. Avatar

    Patent A Program

    February 8, 2012 at 1:41 AM

    After serving our community for the past five years, I have come
    away with certain lessons. We have gone through our fair share of
    challenges, and we have been blessed with our fair share of success by
    Allah (swt). The next few essays are my personal opinion on what worked
    for us and what I suggest may work for you. Again, its just an opinion.

  30. Avatar

    K1hay

    February 11, 2012 at 6:51 PM

    Is there a clergy(priest) class in Al-Islam? When did it start? Was there such a group in the time of PM(saw)? If there was no clergy class during the time of PM(saw) Is this then bida? Helllp me

  31. Avatar

    Jamilah

    February 13, 2012 at 10:40 AM

    Very interesting. I agree that they need to get paid more in general but I also really believe most masjids need TWO imams because between the prayers, counseling, marriage rights, death rights etc…no matter how much you pay one imam you are going to be stretching him too thin and his family life will suffer too much. Perhaps paying a bit less than what you stated and having TWO imams at most masjids is the way to go.

  32. Avatar

    Gailani90

    February 13, 2012 at 10:27 PM

     who will be paying the money, it depends on the community. I believe no imam should be hired to work in the masjid full time, unless he is really exceptional like Imam Siraj Wahaj or Hamzah Yousif, they already know what is going on in the street. Brining an imam from overseas and ask him to work full time is a crazy decision. what is he going to tell people???

  33. Pingback: Life of a Da’ee – An Anonymous Response to ‘How Much Should Islamic Clergy Make?’ - MuslimMatters.org

  34. Pingback: Life of a Da’ee – An Anonymous Response to ‘How Much Should Islamic Clergy Make?’ | Peachy Parenting

  35. Avatar

    Asma

    March 7, 2012 at 5:06 PM

    “But I cannot fathom how seemingly every other masjid has multi-million dollar blueprints and expansion plans, but they can’t afford to invest in quality human resources. This is a joke. Without proper human resources, we will just have empty (but beautiful) structures. Put the money where it’s needed most.”
    Gold. 
    JazakAllahu Khair for the insightful post. 
    hats off. :)

  36. Avatar

    Abu Hafsa

    March 17, 2012 at 12:23 AM

    Same problem in Islamic schools. I’m an Islamic studies teacher and I’ve been working for almost 8 years in this field making low 30’s with no insurance. I have an IT background and am now considering to go back to that field rather than serving Allah swt’s deen.

  37. Avatar

    Adam

    March 18, 2012 at 1:51 AM

    May Allah subhanahu we ta’ala reward you with nothing less than being the neighbor of the prophet peace be upon him. ameen

  38. Avatar

    Asim Esen

    April 12, 2014 at 3:39 AM

    I was taught that a major difference between Islam and Christianity was that Islam does not have a “Ruhban” class, namely a paid clergy and institutions similar to those in Christianity. I was taught that there was no pre-designated Imam to lead the prayer and perform other religious functions and rituals. Each time, Muslims gather and form a Jamaat, whoever is most qualified among the Jamaat leads the prayer and perform other functions. Thus, imam would change from prayer to prayer. In fact, my father was an imam. He led Friday prayers, perform burial prayers, and other functions; he was never paid a salary or its equivalent. Once a year, during the month of Ramadan, some people would bring gift as a way of appreciation for his services. He used to say “When I lead a prayer, I am also praying myself and doing my duty to Allah, why should I accept payment for something that I was going to do it anyway?”

    There were other qualified prayer leaders like my father in those days; they attended their daily business (farming, storekeeping, etc.) and led prayer, but did not get paid a salary. I see now, especially in Turkey, Imams are government employees and paid salaries from government treasury. They are a privileged class that did not exist during even the Ottoman time and in the Republic of Turkey until the 1980s. What Ayat (or Surah) in the Koran and what authenticated hadith says that there is designated and paid imam in Islam? I do not accept excuses and traditional reasons that people often use to legitimize the things they do that are not in the book. So, I would appreciate if an Islamic scholar would comment on this matter.

  39. Avatar

    ElvenInk

    April 12, 2014 at 10:59 AM

    The concept of hired Imams isn’t something I agree with. At least not the way it’s implemented here in Canada. People often want to bring in an Imam from overseas and pay them to sit in the masjid and give halaqas, advice and fatwas to people. But how can we expect someone who just moved to the country and doesn’t interact with the outside world or face the struggles that his congregation faces in terms of work, school, etc, to be able to give sound advice and fatwas that are relevant to specifics of the community?

    I think Imams should be volunteers – people who are respected in the community and willing to give a couple hours a week to give a khutba or answer people’s questions while at the same time having another job and life to support themselves. It should also be a shared responsibility with many volunteer Imams sharing the hours of work at each masjid.

    The problem, I think, is that people expect too much. They want an Imam who will sit in the Masjid 24/7 and be available for them to randomly drop by and ask him for advice whenever they feel like it. Nothing works like this.

    Keeping in mind that I say this with a distinction in my mind between an Imam who leads prayer at a masjid and answers day to day questions and an Islamic Scholar. Islamic scholars will of course be people who dedicated their lives to learning about Islam and passing on their knowledge and usually they will have formal/paid positions in universities or islamic conventions, etc. Often, however, these scholars will have other professions anyway because our religion as someone already mentioned before me doesn’t have this concept of rahbania.

  40. Avatar

    Gio

    August 2, 2016 at 7:17 PM

    The author lives under the delusion of bourgeois privilage (six figure salary?)…most of us are struggling to pay for rent.

  41. Avatar

    Dr Umar Khalid

    August 4, 2016 at 8:22 AM

    Imam should not paid , this is called selling Islam for petty gains. IF they need money they should earn other than just leading Prayers or friday sermons..
    That is why now a days every second mosque in world fight for Imams. because this is very lucaritive offer.. See Dr Yasir Qadhi , Omer Sulaiman etc imams in West living on Imams salary luxury ..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

#Life

Convert Story: To Ask Or Not to Ask, That is the Question

covery islam story
Support MuslimMatters for Just $2

MuslimMatters has been a free service to the community since 2007. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

“How did you convert to Islam” is a question that is commonly asked to those who convert to Islam. While the short answer to this question is, “I said shahada”, the long (and more detailed) answer is one that is commonly expected.

It is important to acknowledge that the majority of “born Muslims” who ask this question do such out of good intentions. For this reason, I wrote this piece out of a place of love and not out of a place of judgment or hatred. While it is important for “born Muslims” to be mindful of how they ask this question, it is equally important for converts to not hold ill will towards born Muslims who ask this question. Due to the fact that Islamophobia is rampant in both the media and political discourse, many “born Muslims” are naturally shocked and emotional when they meet people who accept Islam. Some “born Muslims” have also had limited interactions with converts and therefore, to them, it is not only shocking for them to meet converts, but they are genuinely unaware of certain etiquettes when it comes to asking a convert for his or her story.

In this piece, I am going to write about a pet peeve that is shared among many Muslim converts. While I cannot speak for every single convert, I can say that based on innumerable conversations I have had with fellow converts, there is one thing most of us agree on and it is this; it is rude to ask a convert about his or her conversion story when you haven’t built a relationship with the convert. This piece will explain why many converts consider such a question to be intrusive. The purpose of this article is to better educate the “born Muslim” community on how they can do a better job in support of converts to Islam. In this piece, I will break down the reasons why this question can come off as intrusive if it isn’t asked in a proper manner. I will also include personal anecdotes to support my position.

I would like to conclude by saying that I do not discourage “born Muslims” from asking this question entirely, rather I am merely arguing that this question should be asked with the best of adab.

Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:  “Part of a person’s being a good Muslim is leaving alone that which does not concern him.” (Tirmidhi) For this reason, such a question should be asked for purpose and it should be done with the best of manners. This is supported by the fact that Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said, “I have been sent to perfect good character.” (Al Muwatta)

Note: For the sake of avoiding confusion, the term “born Muslim” is defined as anyone who was brought up in a Muslim household.

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is to ask about the person’s personal relationship with God

Within the context of a friendship, it is generally understood that friends will share personal details with each other. However, it is also generally understood that it is rude to ask people you just met personal questions. To ask a new acquaintance a personal question in most cases comes off as intrusive. This is especially the case in which you ask a person about his or her relationship with God.

For example, there are women who do not wear hijab. Even if we do (for a moment) ignore the Islamic ruling concerning hijab, we should all agree that a woman’s reason for wearing (or not wearing) hijab is a personal matter that is between said woman and God. If one was to ask a woman who doesn’t wear hijab why she doesn’t wear it, that would be intrusive because such a question would involve interrogating said woman about her relationship with God.

Another example concerns a married couple. If one was to meet a married person for the first time, it can be considered rude to ask said person about his or her relationship with his or her spouse.

When one asks a convert about his or her choice to convert, one is literally asking said convert about his or her relationship with God.

I am not saying that it is wrong in all cases to ask such a question. However, one should be mindful of the fact that because this is a personal question, one should have at least have built some form of a friendship with said person before asking.

convert friendship hugs

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is another way of asking, “Why do you believe in Islam?”

Many people identify to a faith tradition because it was part of their upbringing. If you were to ask a person who was born Muslim, “why are you Muslim?” you might hear said Muslim respond with, “I am Muslim because I was raised Muslim” and you wouldn’t hear a detailed answer beyond this.

In most cases, a convert to Islam (or any other religion) did such after research and critical thinking. To convert to a new religion involves not only deep thinking but a willingness to step into the unknown.

I have on many occasions told my story to people. In most cases I will ask the person “why do you believe in Islam?” I am then disappointed when I find out that the only reason the person is Muslim is due to upbringing. While I am not saying that said person’s faith is invalid or less than mine, a person who only identifies with a religion due to upbringing is a person who didn’t engage in critical thinking.

Any relationship should be built upon equality and mutual benefit. If I as a convert am able to provide a well thought out answer as to why I believe in Islam, I expect a well thought out answer to the same question from the person who initially asked me.

Again, while I am not saying it is wrong in all cases to ask, a born Muslim should ask himself or herself “why do I believe in Islam?” In my opinion, there are many who are born into Muslim families who don’t truly believe until later in their lives. Those Muslims in my opinion (and mine alone) are similar to converts.

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is to ask the convert to perform labor.

In some cases, “born Muslims” expect converts to tell their stories. I can remember a few incidents in which I have been asked to tell my story and I politely declined. In response, the person became angry. This to me is a symptom of entitlement. Nobody is entitled to know anything about anyone else (aside from people with whom one has a natural relationship with).

In addition, one should be cognizant of the fact that converts typically get asked this question repeatedly. Thus after a significant amount of time, a convert is prone to get tired of repeating the same question over again repeatedly. Naturally, it can become exhausting eventually.

While I do not believe it is wrong to ask this question in all cases, one should not ask this question to a convert from a place of entitlement. I can think of cases where I have been asked this question by “born Muslims” and when I have refused to provide an answer, they have gotten angry at me. This is entitlement.

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is to ask the convert to explain his or her personal life.

Backbiting is one of the worst sins in Islam. Another major sin is to disrespect one’s parents. Thus we can conclude that backbiting about one’s parents is a huge sin.

This is evidenced by the fact that Allah has said (ﷻ) “We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents.” (Quran 29:8)

A typical follow-up question to “Why did you convert?” is “How did your parents react?” This in many cases puts the convert in a position where one may feel pressured to mention some negative details about his or her parents. In Islam, parents are to be respected, even if they aren’t Muslim.

Before asking a convert this question, one should be mindful of not putting unnecessary pressure on the convert to commit this injustice.

convert friendship

Cases when it is appropriate to ask

However, I do maintain a firm belief that in any true friendship, things will be shared. I don’t think it is wrong in itself to ask a convert about his or her story provided that there already exists a relationship where personal information can be shared. It is highly suggested to hang out with the person first and then ask the convert for his or her story.

As a personal rule of mine, unless I have hung out with the person one on one at least once (or a few times in group gatherings) I don’t tell any born Muslims my conversion story. Naturally, I only share personal details with people I consider to be a friend. If I would hang out with the person, I consider that person to be a friend.

The reason I am also hesitant to share my story with just anyone who asks me is because I can think of countless cases of when I have shared my story to people I have never seen or heard from again. I choose to exert my agency to share personal details of my life to people who I consider to be part of my life. While many Muslims are happy when people convert, many Muslims also fail to provide any form of support for said convert after conversion. I have seen too many cases of when a person recites shahadah, people pull their phones out to record it, but very few will give the convert his or her number. I genuinely believe that many “born Muslims” fail to see the big picture in this regard.

Before asking a convert for his or her story, you should ask yourself if you are comfortable sharing personal details of your life to that person. If you are not comfortable sharing personal details of your life to that person, there is nothing wrong with that. However, you shouldn’t expect the convert to share personal details if you aren’t comfortable sharing personal details. Even if you have built a close friendship with someone, you still aren’t expected to share every detail of your life to someone. Even if you consider a convert to be a close friend, you should still respect a convert’s wishes to not share his or her story.

Conclusion

While I have addressed concerns about the tendency of “born Muslims” to ask converts about their journeys, I want to acknowledge that most people have good intentions. In Islam, the natural state of any person is one of righteousness.

I firmly believe that a friendship that isn’t built on trust and the sharing of personal information isn’t a genuine friendship. Therefore the key term in this context is “friend”. If you wish to ask a convert his or her story, please make sure the following conditions are met:

  1. You are already friends with the convert to a point where asking a convert about his or her relationship with God isn’t an intrusive question. Ask yourself, “Are we close enough where we can share other personal details of our lives with each other?”
  2. You have a well thought out reason as to why you believe in Islam.
  3. You don’t feel entitled to know about the convert’s journey and that you will allow the convert to choose not to share such information if the convert doesn’t wish to.
  4. You don’t probe into the convert’s relationships with other people.
  5. You aren’t just asking the question to somehow feel validated about your belief in Islam.
Continue Reading

Dawah and Interfaith

10 Lessons I Learned While Serving Those in Need

charity
Support MuslimMatters for Just $2

MuslimMatters has been a free service to the community since 2007. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

I have spent about a decade serving the impoverished domestically and recently, abroad. I don’t work for a major charity organization, I work for my community, through grassroots efforts. It was something embedded in me while learning Islam. Before starting a charity organization, I started studying Islam with Dr. Hatem Alhaj (my mentor) and various other scholars. The more I studied, the more I wanted to implement what I was learning. What my community needed at the time was intensive charity work, as it was neglected entirely by our community. From that, I collected 10 lessons from servicing those in need. 

1. My bubble burst

One of the first things I experienced was the bursting of my bubble, a sense of realization. I, like many others, was unaware of the hardship in my own community. Yes, we know the hadith and see the events unfold on the news and social media, but when a father of three cried before me because a bag of groceries was made available for him to take home, that moment changed me. We tend to forget how little it takes, to make a huge difference in someone’s life. This experience, made me understand the following hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Every Muslim has to give in charity.” The people then asked: “(But what) if someone has nothing to give, what should he do?” The Prophet replied: “He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns).” The people further asked: “If he cannot find even that?” He replied: “He should help the needy, who appeal for help.” Then the people asked: “If he cannot do (even) that?” The Prophet said finally: “Then he should perform good deeds and keep away from evil deeds, and that will be regarded as charitable deeds.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 524. I

t is simply an obligation, due to the amount of good it generates after you do this one action. I then realized even more how beautiful Islam is for commanding this deed. 

2. Friendships were developed on good deeds

Serving the poor is a great reward in itself. The Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “Save yourself from hellfire by giving even half a date-fruit in charity.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 498. But it is better done with a team, I began building a team of people with similar objectives in serving the needy. These people later became some of my closest friends, who better to keep close to you than one that serves Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) by helping the neediest in the same community you reside in. Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” [reported by Abu Dawood & Tirmidhee] This is turn kept me on the right path of pleasing Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). Working with a team removes a lot of the burden as well and the depression that might occur seeing the saddest stories on a daily basis. Allah says in the Qur’ān, “Indeed the believers are brothers.” (49:10). Sometimes there is a misconception that you have to have a huge office or a large masjid in order to get work done. But honestly, all you need is a dedicated group of people with the right intention and things take off from there. 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: 'If you love the poor and bring them near you. . .God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection.' - Al-Tirmidhi,Click To Tweet

3. Made me thankful

This made me thankful for whatever I had, serving the less fortunate reminded me daily to turn to Allah and ask for forgiveness and so be thankful. This kind of service also puts things into perspective. What is truly important in life? I stepped further and further away from a materialistic lifestyle and allowed me to value things that can’t be valued by money. I learned this from the poorest of people in my community, who strived daily for their family regardless of their situation — parents who did what they can to shield their children from their harsh reality. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “If you love the poor and bring them near you. . .God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection.” – Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1376. They had a quality about them, despite their poverty status. They were always some of the kindest people I have known. 

dardir

4. People want to do Good

I learned that people want to do good; they want to improve their community and society. I began to see the impact on a communal level, people were being more engaged. We were the only Muslim group helping indiscriminately in our county. Even the people we helped, gave back by volunteering at our food pantry. We have schools where small kids (under adult supervision) partake in preparing meals for the needy, local masajids, churches, and temples, high school kids from public schools, and college organizations (Muslim and nonMuslim) visit frequently from several cities in neighboring counties, cities, and states. The good spreads a lot easier and faster than evil. People want to do good, we just need more opportunities for them to join in. United we can rock this world.

“We need more light about each other. Light creates understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity.” Malcolm X. Click To Tweet

5. Smiles

Smiles, I have seen the wealthiest smiles on the poorest people. Despite being on the brink of homelessness, when I saw them they had the best smile on their faces. This wasn’t all of them, but then I would smile back and that changed the environment we were in. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” – Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98. Smiles are truly universal.

6. It’s ok to cry

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah said: “A man who weeps for fear of Allah will not enter Hell until the milk goes back into the udder, and dust produced (when fighting) for the sake of Allah and the smoke of Hell will never coexist.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasaa’i. There are situations you see that hit you hard; they fill your heart with emotions, but that never swayed my concrete belief in Allah’s wisdom. Crying before Allah, not just out of fear, but to be thankful for His Mercy upon you is a relief.

7. Learning to say no

It was one of the hardest things I had to do, a lot (if not all) of the requests I received for help were extremely reasonable. I do not think anyone asked for anything outrageous. Our organization started becoming the go-to organization in our area for help, but we are one organization, with limited resources, and a few times we were restricted on when or how we could help. This is where learning to say no became a learned skill. Wedid do our best to follow up with a plan or an alternative resource.

8. It is part of raising a family and finding yourself

How so? Being involved in your community doesn’t take away from raising your family, it is part of it. I can’t watch and do nothing and expect my children to be heroes. I have to lead by example. Helping others is good for my family’s health. Many people living in our country are consumed with their busy lives. Running out the door, getting to work, driving the kids to their after school activities, spending weekends taking care of their families, etc. So people have a fear of investing hours in doing this type of work. But in reality, this work puts more blessings in your time.

One may feel they are taking time away from their family, but in reality, when one comes back home, they find more peace in their home then they left it with. By helping others, I improve the health and culture of my community, this in turn positively impacts my family.

I enjoy being a softie with my family and friends. I am a tall bearded man, and that image suited me better. I am not sure what made me softer, having kids or serving the poor. Either way, it was rewarding and defined my role and purpose in my community.

I learned that you make your own situation. You can be a spectator, or you can get in there and do the best you can to help. It gave me an opportunity to be a role model for my own children, to show them the benefit of doing good and helping when you can.

It came with a lot of humility. Soon after starting I realized that all I am is a facilitator, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is giving an opportunity of a lifetime to do this work, a line of work very little people get to engage in regularly. My advice to my readers, if you can serve the poor do so immediately before you get occupied or busy with life.

Helping others is good for my family’s health.Click To Tweet

9. Dawah through action

As I mentioned before I did spend time studying, and at one point developed one of the top dawah initiatives in the country (according to IERA). But the reality is, helping the less fortunate is my type of dawah, people started to associate our food pantry and helping others with Islam. As an organization with one of the most diverse groups of volunteers, people from various religious backgrounds found the environment comfortable and hospitable. I began working with people I never would have worked before if I had stuck to traditional dawah, studying, or masjid involvement, all of which are critical. This became a symbol of Islam in our community, and while serving, we became those that embodied the Quran and Sunnah. For a lot of those we served, we were the first Muslims they encountered, and Alhamdulilah for the team we have. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) also says in the Quran: “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you” (3:159). It is our actions that can turn people away or towards Islam.

10. Once you serve the needy, you do this for life

I wasn’t volunteering on occasion,— this was an unpaid job that was done regularly. I got requests and calls for emergencies daily at times. It took up hours upon hours every week. As a charity worker, I developed experience and insight in this field. I learned that this was one of the best ways I could serve Allah [swt. “They ask you (O Muhammad) what they should spend in charity. Say: ‘Whatever you spend with a good heart, give it to parents, relatives, orphans, the helpless, and travelers in need. Whatever good you do, God is aware of it.'” – The Holy Quran, 2:215

I believe the work I do with the countless people that do the same is the best work that can be done in our current political climate and globalization. My views and thoughts have evolved over the years seeing situations develop to what they are today. This gave me a comprehensive outlook on our needs as a society and allowed me to venture off and meet people top in their fields like in social activism, environmentalism, labor, etc.

I want to end with three sectors in society that Muslims prosper in and three that Muslims can improve on. We strive on individual education (noncommunal), distributing and organizing charity, and more recently being politically engaged. What we need to improve on is our environmental awareness, working with and understanding unions and labor rights, and organizing anti-war movements. 

Continue Reading

#Life

Looking To Get Married? Here Are A Few Tips

will you marry me?
Support MuslimMatters for Just $2

MuslimMatters has been a free service to the community since 2007. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that single young Muslims, despite not being in possession of any fortune, are always in search of a spouse.

However little prepared these people may be to undertake this ordeal is given little thought, and they are thrust out into the world of modern Muslim matchmaking. The generational divide in the community has meant that young people have received little training at home to navigate the process of finding a spouse. These individuals are seeking high-quality relationships, but few have the skills and emotional intelligence needed to find one. They are left to learn on their own through trial-and-error, and often a lot of pain.

With hopes of making this journey a little easier, we’ve compiled a few principles to keep in mind as you tread these cold uncharted waters.

You won’t attract what you want, you’ll attract what you are. Do you find in yourself the qualities that you seek in another?Click To Tweet

1. Work on yourself

You won’t attract what you want, you’ll attract what you are. Do you find in yourself the qualities that you seek in another?

Aspire to be self-fulfilled and complete on your own, rather than hoping for someone else to do that for you. Operationally, this entails refining both your inner and outer self. On the outside this could include basic things like being well-groomed (especially for men), knowing how to cook a healthy diet, exercising regularly and supporting yourself financially. You should also ensure you have good relationships with loved ones – do the people you care about love you back? Admit any wrongs you may have done to them and make amends to improve ties if they are strained. The state of your current relationships can be a good indicator of future ones.

On the inside, you should make a moral inventory and work to address your shortcomings in character. You must work on your selfishness, your anger, your dishonesty, your lust, your pride, your stinginess, your harshness, your resentments, your stubbornness, your fears, your jealousy, your self-righteousness, your vanity. This list is never ending and it’s a lifelong process; the sooner you get started the better off you’ll be.

You must also get help for any serious problems that you fear might affect a relationship – instead of hoping these problems will go away with the ‘right partner’. If you have a pornography problem, seek out help and don’t be deluded into thinking marriage will solve that for you. If you have no control over your desires before marriage, you won’t magically gain control afterward. If you have a substance abuse problem, join a 12-step program. If you feel you are emotionally unhealthy, get help from a professional. Bottom line is, have your house in order before you decide to build a new one.

2. Maintain good mental health throughout the process

Be purposeful in your search but don’t make it the purpose of your life. The process of finding a spouse can become emotionally draining and overwhelming if you don’t do it in a healthy fashion. Understand that this process entails too many factors that are completely out of your control; things won’t always go your way, so don’t be too attached to the outcome.  The only things you control are your responses and actions, so just focus on putting your best foot forward.

A common mistake people make is they give themselves a timeline e.g. ‘I want to be married by X age, or by X year’. This only results in unnecessary pressure that can lead to anxiety and poor mental health; it can also force one to make imprudent choices. Everyone has a different timeline; have trust in God’s plan for you.

Anytime mental health is disturbed, stop and revaluate. Some signs of poor mental health include: obsessive thinking, inability to focus on your everyday affairs, compulsive attachment and clinginess, disturbed sleep, anxiety, difficulty making decisions, inability to multitask, feeling overwhelmed, panic attacks, depression, irritability, changes in eating habits, and a loss of inner serenity. It is best to get help from counselors, such as those at Naseeha, if you feel stuck in this situation.

3. Adopt a mindset of giving

The measure you give is the measure you get back. Instead of worrying so much about what you want, focus on what you have to offer.

While you should certainly express your interest in someone you like, don’t taint it with desperation and neediness. If you’ve implemented the first point mentioned, you are already a confident and self-sufficient person. You will be fine no matter what. Focus on giving without expectation and building a healthy companionship. Be a giver and you’ll be surprised how easily you will attract the right people towards you. The ‘mindset of want’ is a self-defeating mindset: you might not find all the things you want in someone, and even if you did, there is no guarantee they’ll want you back!

4. Don’t overthink it

Living in a capitalist society, we’ve developed the bad habit of picking out people the same way we go shopping for a new product. We like to explore the market, do a cost-benefit analysis of various options, try to make sure the product isn’t damaged and hope to pick out the best possible item. We are careful about how we ‘invest our time’ and we try to ensure we can get an appropriate return on our investment. If we could, we’d ask for a money-back guarantee on people too!

Human hearts, unfortunately, cannot be picked out the way we choose commercial products. Each has its flaws and its strengths, you have to accept both the good and the bad; the pro-con list approach won’t work here. When we start taking this reductionist approach to relationships, we naturally get into overthinking, feel anxious and overwhelmed. With the widespread use of online dating, the choices seem limitless and it can seem impossible to try to figure out how to find the right person.

Marriage is a decision that’s to be taken with the heart; you have to rely on your guts and your instincts to steer you towards the person most suitable for you. This doesn’t mean throwing rational thought out the door, it means looking to your inner-self as the source of motivation for your decision making. It takes emotional intelligence and self-awareness to be able to determine what kind of a person you’ll be able to build a future with; it’s not always someone that looks best on paper. There are very few people with whom you’ll find compatibility and reciprocity, so don’t obsess over exploring as many possible ‘options’ with hopes of marking off all the items on your checklist.

We ultimately find the most fulfillment in caring for and taking responsibility for someone we sincerely love. So, look instead for the ingredients that will act as the foundations of love in your marriage. These could include the fact that you: enjoy someone’s company, find them beautiful, admire their character and kindness, respect them, find reciprocity in your interactions, have shared values and compatible temperaments. You are looking for that certitude, that good feeling in your heart; focusing on these factors will hopefully give you that and will get you out of the common mistake of overthinking and worrying.

One of the unique challenges Western Muslims face when looking for a spouse is finding religious compatibility. The diversity of our community, coupled with the individualized nature of faith in the West, has given rise to a plethora of ‘brands’ of Islam. Click To Tweet

5. Work to bridge religious differences

One of the unique challenges Western Muslims face when looking for a spouse is finding religious compatibility. The diversity of our community, coupled with the individualized nature of faith in the West, has given rise to a plethora of ‘brands’ of Islam. Personal levels of observance can vary vastly, even within members of the same family, so it can be challenging to find the right fit.

You will always find differences in religious observance and views between spouses. It is impossible, and foolish, to try to seek out someone at the exact same level. Some people might be more conservative than you, some might be more liberal. Do you really have to turn someone down because they don’t agree with your views on conventional mortgages? What if you like dressing up for Halloween and going trick-or-treating, and they’re opposed to it? What if they don’t eat zabiha halal like you do? What if they don’t pray all the five prayers on time like you were raised to do so?

Given the unique circumstances we live in, we must be flexible and open-minded about resolving such differences. We ought to be careful when making a judgment about someone’s beliefs; we don’t know what’s in someone’s heart. Some of us were taught to honour God through worship and observing His law, some of us were raised with an emphasis on serving His creation with good character. People have their strengths and their weaknesses in faith; sometimes these are apparent, sometimes hidden. Your relationship with God is not perfect and neither will be your partner’s; we are all a work in progress.

If approached with kindness, mutual respect and a willingness to compromise, these differing religious views could be resolved in many cases. While sometimes people really are on extreme ends, most of us fall somewhere in between and can find a comfortable middle ground. It is often our stubbornness, self-righteousness and a parochial understanding of religion that gets in the way. Good people are hard to find, so don’t let suitable matches go because they don’t follow your exact flavor of religious observance. This is certainly a sensitive topic and needs to be dealt with tact and wisdom; it is advisable to seek counsel of more experienced people.

6. Don’t expose your past and don’t pry about someone else’s

If you have a past you are not proud of and it doesn’t concern your future relationships, you should not feel obliged to expose yourself. In fact, if this relates to sins of the past, it is actually prohibited to reveal your sins to someone else – even in the context of marriage. Shaykh Nuh Keller summarizes this pitfall well, “In Islam, to mention a sin is itself a sin. How many a person has been unable to resist telling a friend or a spouse of the wickedness they did in their previous life, and Allah punished them with disgust and contempt in the other’s heart that could never quite be forgotten! There is no barakah in the haram”.

Similarly, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t be prying about someone else’s past and trying to dig up details on their misadventures. The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) commanded us to have a good opinion of people; he warned against the destructive nature of suspicion and spying. He told us, “Beware of suspicion for it is the most deceitful of thought. Do not look for the others’ faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; Rather, be servants of God as brothers”

7. Istikhara is not a solution for indecisiveness

The prayer of seeking guidance, or Istikhara, is oft cited by those considering marriage. The mistake many make, however, is that we are really wishing for someone else to make the decision for us. We are so afraid of making the wrong decision that we find it difficult to make any. We hope for a divine sign or a miracle to happen that tells us that the other person is right for us and that we will live happily ever after with them.

Making big life decisions, emotionally prudent ones, is an important life skill that must be learned. These decisions come with inherent risks, uncertainties, and unknowns; there are no guarantees. If you habitually find yourself having a hard time deciding, it is likely due to external factors. It might have something to do with you, it might have something to do with the person you are considering. It is advisable to seek counsel if you are in this situation.

Continue Reading

Trending