Family and Community
AbdulNasir Jangda | Family First
At first you point at others and say, “How sad.” You pity them due to issues that you assume could never affect you. Then you wake up one day and that fire is burning inside your own home. Crisis. One involving family, at that. Even the seemingly devout are struggling. As an Ummah among the many things we must deal with today, family is at the top of the list. When family crumbles, civilizations fall. The irony, is that all we need to repair the situation, is to implement the way of life we call our own, Islam. The lecture below details this issue and talks about the initial steps to putting out this fire.
Suffices to say that after the lecture, no one was interested in having a discussion. :)
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October 8, 2010 at 6:35 AM
Thierry from Ottawa
October 8, 2010 at 11:30 AM
I miss you sheikh!!!
I don’t know if you remember me but in any case:
Come back to Ottawa!
Jazakallahu khairan for the lecture.
October 8, 2010 at 12:44 PM
salamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,
i have been thinking about this issue for a long while. a few additional observations/thoughts:
1. on top of husband’s pursuit of careers to the hilt, women pursue their careers and/or are the da’wa heads of projects in local communities (don’t know if it is frustration that hubby is always away or desire to do something outside of the home or a combination of the two)…i am not saying women shouldn’t head off major da’wa efforts….ie volunteering at Islamic schools, interfaith heads, etc…but you’re right, quite often you see the all or nothing…and those who give ALL their energies…you look at their kids and say…”how sad” they’re giving to the whole muslim community but you don’t see their kids that interested, indifferent at best. at some point you may even see the most “active” sisters’ kids end up dating, drinking, etc. in college. and when we are accountable to Allah for our kids and our families, you wonder if all the da’wa will be in vain if their kids were neglected.
perhaps if more sisters would help, it would not be all one the organizing sisters and the burden would be equally spread and all would also have time for their families.
2. some cases, families/parents ARE spending time with their kids…but what are they spending time on them FOR? they want their kids to get the best academics, be at the top of the swim team, win the best athletic honors, national scouts recognitions, take them to soccer meets, track meets, kaplan, you name it and you see they are A++++ in these areas but in Islam they are below C level or average when they coulda been outstanding….
October 8, 2010 at 1:50 PM
one more observation…
ppl look at others from the outside…and think…ok, xyz went to public school and he turned out fine, in fact he is even a well known speaker ! :) …then they send their kids too. but then all the requisite vigilance, Islamic teachings don’t go hand in hand and then, when they’re kids are teenagers and “going weird” on them, then they wonder “hmm. now where did I go wrong?” it would be productive/helpful if you could provide a diagnostics tool, ie: what should your child’s knowledge/behavior be during this time frame, what should be emphasized, then what should a child going the “right direction” look like by age 10 ie his Muslim identity resume, his manners, etc…that would help us parents to keep the gauging process started much earlier and not be like…”what in the world happened? I thought I was doing all the right things
esp. what are the indicators and from what ages of things going the WRONG direction?
October 8, 2010 at 9:22 PM
jazakaAllahu khairan for a very important and beneficial reminder.
October 8, 2010 at 11:49 PM
GREAT LECTURE!!!!!!!! MashAllah…..
Much needed for today’s muslim communities………..
Even though our father was super busy, he would always come home and spend time with us and those are the memories that keep me going mashAllah………. I loved those times.
thanks for the reminder sheikh!!!!!!!
Sister with Family in Crisis
October 10, 2010 at 7:51 PM
I am a single mom involved in Islamic charity work and dawa. My 13 year-old daughter is entirely alienated from the Deen and says she is an athiest, istaghfiru Allah. She stopped praying and fasting this year, and complains that I love Allah more than I love her: that following Sunnah dutifully prevents her from being a happy American kid. She hates me and hates my lifestyle. She tried to run away and said she wants to be put in foster care. She is now in a psychiatric center for children being evaluated. A few individuals have told me to lay off the religion, to redirect my life to being a mother and work in a job closer to home that is not related to Islam and dawa. Some have advised me to take off the hijab to connect with her at her level and to save her, in sha Allah, from destroying herself as a way to get back at me. I do feel that if I stopped wearing hijab, she would become closer to me and, in sha Allah, eventually open her heart to Islam.
October 10, 2010 at 8:12 PM
Asalaamu Alaykum sister, first i would like to tell you that when Allah loves his slave, he tests them and your kids can be a test for you too. my advice to you is a) make a lot of duas. b) be patient c) ask Allah to open up your daughters heart to deen and emaan. d) look for something that can help you reconnect with your daughter even if its not deen related but can maybe build a connection between you two. e)i dont believe taking off your hijab is a solution to this problem, because we wear it following a command from Allah and you cannot obey the created by disobeying the Creator.
I ask Allah to make it easy for you, ameen
October 10, 2010 at 11:46 PM
I can guess that the problem doesn’t directly have to do with the deen itself. You don’t have to compromise yourself and your beliefs to get through to her. Just talk to her, be open and patient without being judgmental or getting angry. I’m no expert, but what I see the most with people I know is a difficulty in expressing their inner feelings to their parents
October 11, 2010 at 11:34 AM
Ws , I guess one question that comes to mind is why is your daughter alienated from Deen?
Have you been able to devote enough time to raising her and being with her to teach her the deen or has the job you have (as tremendously important as it is) taken up so much time that you were not able to relay Deen to her ? If you dont take care of this crucial need of education for ur family then who will do so?
Please dont take it as criticism of the great work ur doing – but I do think that devoting time to your own family and making them understand religion is a very worthy use of your time. In a non Muslim society such as this one, a child might only follow the parent till adolescence and then chooses another path if they dont really understand why they do as their parent does. Perhaps you have tried your best in this regards and given her much time , in which case their is not much that u can directly do.
It appears that you dont work close to home- a child really needs to have their parents around- I m sure that if you did so their would be much improvement in ur relationship.Please be careful that in doing Dawa not to neglect your own girl – she is a responsibility from Allah(SWT) that you cant overlook. Dawa work is Fard Kifaya – not an absolute obligation on every Muslim but rather one that the community as whole has to have some people at least engage in. Someone please correct me if you know better.
How would taking of your Hijaab help anything?When your alone with her , its not like u have your hijaab on , nor do u need to. Its just a matter of being as intelligent ,flexible, and patient as possible in trying to make ur girl understand what you are doing as a Muslim and why she should do so as well. Please dont take my tone as harsh :) – I dont mean to if it is.
May Allah(SWT) bring ur girl back to the fold of Islam and make u happy in this life and the next.
Sister with Family in Crisis
October 15, 2010 at 7:48 AM
Jazakum Allahu khairan Brother Rifai, Brother Akhan and Umm Umar. Barak Allahu feekum for your caring Naseeha and Duaa’ that Allah (SWT) brings my girl back to the fold of Islam and makes us – all of us – happy in this life and the next. AMEEN.