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Family Troubles Of The Prophets: A MuslimMatters Series – [Part I] Sibling Rivalries Gone Wild

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family troubles part 1

Introduction to the “Family Troubles of the Prophets” Series

Many of us come from troubled, or even “difficult,” families. Along with the struggles we experience because of our family dynamics, we may also feel ashamed about having dysfunctional families. The shame can come from knowing that the problems are wrong and shouldn’t exist in the first place. It can also come from the secrets we must keep to protect ourselves and others, which leave us feeling isolated. 

It can be difficult to wrap our heads around why some of us have been tested with conflict, abuse, neglect, and trauma within our homes while others live in relative peace and harmony with their families. The first comforting aspect we must consider is that none of us willingly choose to have troubled families; it is something that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has written as part of our fate and tests in life. The other comforting notion is that some of the Prophets themselves had difficult family situations! Knowing that some of the Prophets, who were the best of us, also suffered from abusive and toxic family relationships, it becomes easier to come to terms with our own realities emotionally. Finding their stories in the Quran can be a salve and source of solace when we are grappling with the shame and feelings of isolation having dysfunctional families can bring. 

This series of articles will focus on Prophetic examples of different tribulations families may experience. 

Sibling Rivalries For Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him)

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The story of the Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) in the Quran displays sibling rivalry at an extremely dangerous intensity. Out of those of us whose siblings may hurt and subject us to cruelties, it’s safe to say that Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) had it incredibly bad because his brothers literally left him stranded in the middle of nowhere to die. This part of his story may sound like a simple, unsurprising fact because we may have heard it since childhood, but let’s consider the reality of this situation.

Before being thrown into the infamous well, things are already tense within Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) home and it’s no secret. The father, a Prophet himself, is also fully aware of it. This is obvious when we hear Prophet Yaqub 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) warning the young Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) to keep his dream a secret from his brothers.

“He said, “O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy.” [Surah Yusuf; 12:5] 

The dynamics between the older brothers and Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) are so bad that their father thinks they might take harmful action against him, especially with this dream that foretells his Prophethood. Leaving a brother to die in the wilderness is quite monstrous, but we have to assume Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) brothers didn’t instantly go from 0 to 60 in the meter of cruelty.  They must have teased Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) verbally daily. They must have been physically rough with him semi-regularly. They must have subjected him to lighter pranks and smaller cruelties long before they dared to throw him into a well.

“Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people.” [Surah Yusuf; 12:9]

Imagine what it would be like to live with siblings who can reach that level of viciousness. Also, imagine how devastated Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) must have felt when he thought that his brothers were taking him out to play and finally doing something nice for him, but ultimately committed the ultimate betrayal. 

Connecting Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) Story With Our Own Sibling Rivalries

family troubles - prophet yusuf

Left alone to die in a well by his own siblings [PC: Pablo Hidalgo Aguilera (unsplash)]

Thinking of Prophet Yusuf [AS] in a deep, empathetic way can enable us to contextualize traumatic betrayals from our own siblings that have haunted us. He felt this, too. His flesh and blood put him through something really bad, just like me.

Some of us may have experienced a sibling stealing from us, physically assaulting us, spreading rumors about us, publicly sharing private information about us, or even sabotaging important opportunities for us. Realizing that Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) brothers had acted wickedly towards him can help us feel seen and less alone. Of course, having abusive and toxic relationships with our siblings is difficult and painful emotionally – but it’s important to remember that one of Allah’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) favorite people in the whole world also experienced that.   

Making Sense Of Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) Family Reconciliation

Luckily for Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) and his brothers, they manage to reconcile and resolve their sibling rivalries later in life. This happy ending can make those of us who are facing sibling rivalries in our own lives feel various ways, including hopeful, confused, or guilty. I cannot say that every person who is experiencing a troubled relationship with their siblings will find a healthy resolution, nor do I think Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) story in the Quran pressures us to reconnect with our siblings at any cost. 

There are two important factors in the healing of the sibling rivalry for Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) and his brothers that I would like to draw attention to as examples of important steps that lead to a successful family reconciliation.

The first is that Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) entering into a relationship with his brothers should be safe now. This is because the brothers have committed to changing their behavior and repented for their vicious actions.

“They said, “Are you indeed Joseph?” He said “I am Joseph, and this is my brother. Allah has certainly favored us. Indeed, he who fears Allah and is patient, then indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good.””

“They said, “By Allah, certainly has Allah preferred you over us, and indeed, we have been sinners.””

“He said, “No blame will there be upon you today. Allah will forgive you, and He is the most merciful of the merciful.”” [Surah Yusuf; 12:90-92]

The aggressors in the relationship have decided to correct their ways, so no further harm should come to Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him)] from his brothers in the future. 

The second is that the power dynamics in the family have changed, with Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) at this stage being the family’s most important member. He takes precedence over his own parents as a Prophet of the next generation, let alone his brothers. Not only is he very powerful within his family [12:100], but also within the society as a government official.

“And he raised his parents upon the throne, and they bowed to him in prostration. And he said, “O my father, this is the explanation of my vision of before. My Lord has made it reality. And He was certainly good to me when He took me out of prison and brought you [here] from bedouin life after Satan had induced [estrangement] between me and my brothers. Indeed, my Lord is Subtle in what He wills. Indeed, it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise.” [Surah Yusuf; 12:100]

I’m not saying his brothers did not have sincere repentance and commitment to healthy family ties –but I think the argument could be made that there would be negative repercussions for any malicious behavior the brothers may stir up against Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) in their adult lives as compared to when they were children. On the flip side, there are also many worldly incentives for Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) brothers to be good to him now that he is in a very influential position in society. The changed power dynamics are a significant element in the reconciliation of the family because the victim of the past is now in a position of authority over all. 

Considering both factors (the brothers’ repenting and the shifted power dynamics) can help us better understand how and why Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) could reconcile with his brothers while also ensuring his safety from further abuse. It also places into context the willingness of the brothers to not turn into abusers again, as well as Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) ability to forgive them in such a remarkable way. As Muslims, we know how important it is to maintain family ties and not break them. We can see in this example that some guardrails are in place when Prophet Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) and his brothers reconnect, which helps us understand that there are some crucial red lines that should always be respected whenever we try to mend broken family ties. For any of us facing challenges with our own siblings, it’s critical to take inspiration from Prophet Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) family’s story and rely on practical resources to aid in possible reconciliation; like a trusted community member or family therapist as a mediator.

 

Related:

Podcast: The Rights of Parents vs Parental Oppression | Sh Isa Parada

Peer Pressure On Social Media: Lessons From Surah Yusuf

Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah

Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Meena is a writer, podcaster, high school English teacher, wife, and new mom. She loves working with Muslim youth and is interested in literature, arts, and culture. She studied Comparative Literature and Creative Writing at the University of California, Irvine and has a Master’s in Education from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She briefly dabbled in Classical Arabic studies in the US and is also studying the Asharah Qira'aat/10 Recitations. Check out her podcast and website Brown Teacher Reads: the brown literature circle you always wanted to be in. (brownteacherreads.com)

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Batman

    November 20, 2024 at 9:59 AM

    Problems also occur when one sibling becomes owner of some property that his father left after passing away and doesn’t give other siblings their share. People think that Islam is just about worshipping, without focusing on Huqooq-ul-Ibad. Such people will burn in hell.

    Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) saying:

    Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Holy Prophet) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. He (the Holy Prophet) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.

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