Spending on Family: Charity or Expense? Depends on your Intention!

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

“Diapers cost a lot,” said my friend, when we met on her visit to her home country five months after she had her first baby. She looked into my eyes, searching for acquiescence,”….right?” As our children lay playing around us, I nodded, and stopped myself in time from insensitively blurting out, “But this is just the beginning”. I knew how inappropriate that would sound to a new mother who was assessing the extra expenses related to her baby for the first time in her life. Understandably, she was going through the initial adjustment phase of becoming a new parent, and needed only encouragement from her experienced friends.

We all have our expenses: the bills, the monthly payments, and the extra expenditures that crop up out of nowhere, especially for those of us who have families to support, viz. parents and siblings, or spouses and children.

Shortly after we pass the two-decade milestone in our lives, we wake up to real life, and realize that it is not all eat, drink, and be merry. For some, this wakeup call comes much earlier due to straitened circumstances. For others, it might come a bit late – when they finally start shouldering more responsibility.

Either way, one inevitably realizes sooner or later in life that money is the life-blood we need to be able to keep bringing food to our tables, and that this money is earned through hard work. We should neither waste it on frivolities, nor should we withhold it from ourselves or others out of miserliness.

Additionally, we should never undermine the relationships we have with our families, because these bonds were created by Allah, and He records and rewards even the small, seemingly insignificant bits of good we do to them – even what we see as trivial, of the things we give them, that are included in their rights upon us.

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Recently, I came across a hadith that really opened my eyes to how we should all look at our family-related expenses and liabilities. It also reminded me of the importance of one’s intention whilst doing mundane, everyday tasks that we really don’t view as acts of worship, such as buying one’s child a small toy, or going out for the weekly grocery run.

عَنْ ‏أَبِي مَسْعُودٍ الْبَدْرِيِّ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ ‏قَالَ:
‘إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمَ إِذَا أَنْفَقَ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ نَفَقَةً وَهُوَ يَحْتَسِبُهَا كَانَتْ لَهُ صَدَقَةً’

[أخرجه أحمد، والبخاري ، ومسلم]

It is narrated from Abu Mas’ud al-Badri [رضى الله عنه] that the Messenger of Allah [صلى الله عليه و سلم] said,

“Without a doubt, when a Muslim spends money on his family while considering (the action as worship), it is an act of charity”.

[Reported by Imams Ahmad, Bukhari and Muslim]

This short but profound narration gives us tremendous consolation: if we renew and rectify our intentions regarding spending on our family, to do so for the sake of Allah as an act of sadaqah (charity), Allah will count these expenditures as such, insha’ Allah.

The key words in the hadith are وَهُوَ يَحْتَسِبُهَا – meaning that the spender, whilst spending on his or her family should, in his heart, intend or consider that spending as a sadaqah. The words احتَسَبَ يَحْتَسِبُ اِحْتِسَابٌ imply to reckon something, to seek reward from Allah for something, to count something as eligible for  reward. In a verse of Surah at-Talaq, Allah mentions:

وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ

“And He (Allah) will provide for him (the believer) from where he does not expect/reckon; (from whence does not occur to his mind).” [65:3]

In the above verse, the same word is used to imply that the believer doesn’t “reckon” from where Allah will provide for him.

Therefore, we can conclude from the above hadith that we should “count” or “reckon” our spending (نفقة) on our families (اهل) as charity (صدقة) when we spend on them in any way, whether big or small.

We find ourselves inundated by extra expenses during some months of the year. This is especially so around vacation season, with the costly Islamic summer camp, the plane tickets required for importing parent(s) for the summer, or the shiny new workbooks to keep the children constructively occupied. We dread receiving the doctor’s bill and having to fill costly medicine prescription, upon taking a sick dependent to the doctor’s clinic. And we anticipate with some foreboding, magnanimous four-figure bills, as our children grow older and prepare for college.

Graduation parties, Eid dinners, transatlantic flights to reinstate biological ties and bring smiles across elderly faces. School fees, fuel and rent charges, furniture and electronics costs. Clothes and accessories, a mini van, a bigger home for growing broods. The list is endless. Sometimes, when we see no end to the costs in sight, yet almost always come face-to-face with the rock-bottom of our monthly/weekly budget, we do tend to get a bit down in the dumps.  That is the time when we need positive reminders that our spending, depending on our intention, will be counted as a charity, even through we’ve seen it as an “expense”.

There is absolutely no way that we can guarantee provisions for the ones whom Allah has brought into this world, as He is the Provider. However, He has entrusted us with fulfilling our responsibilities towards them, and these duties are their rights upon us.

We should keep reminding ourselves of the intention behind each and every thing we do. This will enable us to renew this intention, and hence ensure that our book of deeds records all our actions, even those that appear to the world as “expenses” or “liabilities”, as deeds truly done to please our Creator (with full اِحْتِسَاب).

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16 responses to “Spending on Family: Charity or Expense? Depends on your Intention!”

  1. abu Abdullah says:

    jazak Allah khayr. very informative mash Allah.

  2. Shuaib Mansoori says:

    Assalamu Alaikum Baji,

    JazakumAllahu Khairan for the beautiful reminder. May Allah accept all of our good intentions.

  3. Farhan says:

    There’s a hadith in the beginning of Riyadh al-Saliheen about this same general thing. A Sahabi who thought he was dying asked if he should give his wealth away in charity, and the Prophet صلى الله عليه Ùˆ سلم said that he should spend money on his family.

  4. mr says:

    The last words.. “full ihtisaab” .. are hair-raising- its not so easy!

    Ghaflah in these matters ( of having a conscious, vibrant intention) is such a default….. after having gone thorough the arduous task or time and thought consuming action, many times, some incident occurs which makes us realize: we didnt do it truly for Allah’s sake. And thus the minutes, hours, effort spent in that Cause, which we could have so easily harnessed and saved for eternity, get washed away………….. It reminds me of a black hole in space. That time that we’ll regret on the Day of Judgement.

  5. MaryamJamal says:

    Masha Allah good one.

  6. Umm Zakariyya says:

    Usually comments on MM seem to be dissenting (which is not necessarily a bad thing), but its nice to see an article that is so thorough that there is no need to add to it. A beautiful reminder and a thorough piece, Sadaf. Jazakallah khayr.

  7. Dreamlife says:

    JazakAllah for this good reminder. And one important point in the article – which, upon my reading, seems to have been crowded out by the rest – is not to spend on frivolity.

    I think that’s just as important a thing to remember as the article’s main focus (which is to have the right intention when spending on your family).

    For both ourselves and our loved ones – spending may count as a charity if we have the right intention; but we should try to minimise or avoid spending on things which aren’t really beneficial.

    May Allah help all of us to keep these important points in mind; and more importantly, act on them.

  8. Nayyar says:

    MashaAllah Sadaf!
    Jazak Allahu Khairan for your reminder through such a wonderful yet powerful hadith.

    I agree, living on such a conscious level is challenging. But I think that is what is really required of us.
    (ie.Taqwah in spirit and in actions both.)

    Mere actions without ,pure, clear, focused and meaningful intentions,perhaps will not go a long way, in terms of akhirah.

    (1) Eeman (spirit, & intention), and (2) amal e swaleh, (good deeds,the prescribed way), both together are prerequisites for entering into jannah.

    Concentrating on Emaan and intentions, I feel detaches us from the world mentally, and the whole focus is shifted towards one’s own improvement ,spiritual growth and taqwah.

    Hence taqwah actually depends on how much self evaluation or doing اِحْتِسَاب of one self, a person is capable of doing.

  9. tabassum says:

    nice one :) mashaAllah

  10. Jazakallah, you have such a splendid style of writing Mashallah!
    brings us back again and again to the same beautiful Hadees, ‘Amal ka daromadar is our Niyah’. So we have to before every act, big or small remember to renew our niyah in order to get the ajar.
    We need to talk to Allah S.W.T, all the time, ‘ a one to one conversation’ ,” Ya Allah S.W.T! ‘ yae bhi aap hi kae liyae hai”.

  11. […] Spending on Family: Charity or Expense? Depends on Your Intention! […]

  12. john doe says:

    Only a woman could invent such an incorrect interpretation. You are rewarded for what you spend of your wealth on the needs, not the wants of your family. To feed your children so they are not hungry, to shelter them and to clothe them so they are not naked.

    By your interpretation the Sultan of Brunei who bought his daughter a Boeing Jumbo jet with a gold furnished interior will be rewarded for such an act if he had the same interpretation as you.

    Most spending these days is for the purposes of ‘education’ because you think rizq comes from a paper document. You cannot die without your full portion of rizq that has been written for you whether you are ‘educated’ (whatever that means in the modern age) or not. In fact, it seems a form of shirk as many think rizq comes from a piece of paper stating you are ‘educated’ (tell that to spanish graduates who have to work in Cafe’s because they cant find a job in the economic downturn)

    The Caliph Umar bin abdul aziz left not a penny for his family on his deathbed even when his advisors pleaded for him to do so. His response was if my children are righteous Allah will provide for them and if the are rebellious then I do not want to assist them in their rebellion. Umar bin Abdul aziz has been called the 5th rightly guided caliph.

    Allah gave you Akl. Use it.

    • Fatima Rashid says:

      You’ve made some good points in your reply to the original poster. However, your condescending attitude–which is definitely not a sunnah of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him–distracts from whatever truth there is in your response. Hikmeh in speech and attitude are part of attempting to guide people to the right (or at least, to what we see as right), and a condescending and negative attitude only detracts from this purpose. All of us could use a little Aql now and then, brother–remember, Allah is the al-Mutakabbir, the only One Who has a right to be proud.

      • Aasiya says:

        Assalamu’alaykum sister.
        That’s a very interesting comment, because I don’t think the author’s tone was condescending in the least. I wonder why you interpreted it as such.

        Best wishes iA

  13. mallam idris suleiman says:

    i have no permanent source of income,the school which my children attend is an islamic school here in lagos.my kids are dropping in studies,the teachers are not sound in accademic standards.we are searching for schools and all the schools around are extremely expensive,the standard islamic schools around are highly expensive and i have four children.the non islamic school around ar still far bettter in terms of price.can i continue sending them to the old school or change them.i am having a sleepness night over it.and i need help on ideas

  14. Aasiya says:

    I put some money aside every day, with the intention of spending it on frequent small gifts for family and friends. I call this “nafl sadqah” (although I don’t think the label is as important as my intention). One of my family members has recently raised concern about this, as to whether I am allowed to make this niyyah of nafl sadqah when I put money aside daily. Am I doing something wrong? This article makes me feel like I am not, and that I am acting in accordance with the Hadith mentioned by the author.

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