** THIS POST HAS BEEN UPDATED, PLEASE SEE BELOW **
Some time ago, I gave a series of lectures on Taharah (cleanliness) to the sisters in my community. A number of questions were raised from the discussion. It was nice and a very open talk since the one giving the lecture was a female herself. The sisters felt quite comfortable asking questions, in detail, that they normally feel shy about.
One of the matters that we discussed was about the exact nature of female wet dreams. I realized that this issue is not only complicated for sisters but also a much neglected subject. This is why, I decided to have a full entry on this topic, for a number of reasons:
- This matter is not as simple and clearly distinguishable for sisters as it is for brothers, so it must be thoroughly explained.
- There are a number of lectures given from shayukh to the brothers, in detail; however, rarely do we ever hear any Shariah explanation for sisters, in detail.
- Mothers feel shy talking to their daughters about it. In which case, if the young daughter experiences a wet dream, she may not know the Shariah ruling on it or how to purify herself afterward.
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Hence, I decided to contribute this piece, along with the help of a professional Gynecologist, Dr. Fatimah Lalani and Shaykh Yasir Qadhi, so it may help and benefit all the sisters who read this.
Wet dreams are as normal for women as they are for men. Although, the frequency may be lower compared to men, nonetheless, the occurrence of wet dreams among women does not indicate any abnormality.
Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’” (Bukhari)
Therefore, if a girl/woman sees a wet dream, it does not mean that she is sexually perverted, lewd or immodest in any sense. It is out of her control, especially for younger girls who may be experiencing many hormonal changes in their bodies. In fact, the Shariah itself recognizes wet dreams as a sign of puberty.
“And when the children among you come to puberty (al-hilm)…” [al-Noor 24:59]
The same term, al-hilm, is used for both puberty and wet dreams, marking wet dreams an indication of puberty.
Besides, Allah azzawajal created wet dreams as an outlet for men and women to release their sexual energy. It happens as a result of human nature which Allah azzawajal has created Himself and no blame can be put on a person. Moreover, since wet dreams happen during sleep, while a person has no control over himself/herself, the Shariah frees a person from any blame.
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the one who is sleeping until he wakes up, from the child until he reaches the age of puberty, and from one who is insane until he comes to his senses.” (Tirmidhi)
Also, keep in mind that the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, did not reprimand the woman who had a wet dream, neither did he declare it “abnormal” for women. Rather, he made it quite clear that women can have wet dreams just like men do and there is no oddity or incongruity with it.
Aisha (ra) said: The Messenger of Allaah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, was asked about a man who notices some wetness but does not remember having a wet dream. He said, “He should do ghusl.” He was asked about a man who thinks that he had an erotic dream but does not see any wetness. He said, “He does not have to do ghusl.” Umm Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allah, does a woman have to do ghusl if she sees something like that?” He said, “Yes, women are the twin halves of men.” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood)
And so, I want to remind the parents and the husbands to educate themselves on this subject before making any hurtful or psychologically damaging remarks to their womenfolk. This matter is as normal among women as it is among men.
Having said this, I want to encourage mothers to inform and educate their daughters about such dreams. Do not underestimate what others are capable of teaching your daughter, including her friends (inside or outside the schools, Muslims or non-Muslims) or even teachers. Even if they do not attend the “sex-Ed” class at the school, I can assure you that they will be taught by their fellow students. Most of my teen students learned about these issues from their classmates during 3rd and 4th grade. That was about ten years ago and over the time; our society has only become more corrupted.
It is best that a daughter hears and learns this information directly from her own mother rather than from someone else educating her in school or in the streets. A mother’s education is sincere, pure, and free of any vulgarity. Besides, a Muslim mother can/should always point out the Islamic recognition of the normality of our body functions and the Shariah rulings about it.
Do not wait until your daughter asks you, because she may never ask you. This is a step that a mother has to initiate and be the first to “break the ice.” My suggestion is to explain exactly what happens during a wet dream, next give her the biological/hormonal cause, and then explain to her the Islamic ruling about it. Make your daughter feel comfortable, do not pass any embarrassing comments, put a smile on your face but be precise.
Also, do not wait until her menstrual cycle starts. It is better to educate her once the signs of puberty start appearing in her. During my discussion with Dr. Lalani, I asked her if a girl could have wet dreams before she has her first menstrual cycle. And she replied:
“Yes I suppose it is possible. Puberty is a continuum and can begin around age 9-10, starting with development of breasts, pubic and underarm hair, a growth spurt, and then menses. Throughout this time you have hormonal changes, so I suppose you could have a wet dream, prior to onset of menses.”
It led to my other question: Can wet dreams in itself mark the onset of a girl’s puberty (balagha) making her accountable for her religious obligations like fasting and hijab? Of course as any fiqhi matter, this too, had ikhtilaf (difference of opinions). I do not intend to defend one opinion or the other, but I will briefly mention both opinions.
Those scholars, who support the opinion that wet dreams are an indication of a girl reaching the age of puberty, base their opinion on the signs of male puberty and do not make any distinction between the two genders; they include menstruation as an additional sign for females.
However, the other opinion is inferred from a number of ahadith that state that the rulings are to be established at time of menstruation, like the hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam:
“Allah does not accept the prayer of a menstruating woman [i.e who has gotten her menstruation] unless she wears a veil [khimar]”. [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmizi]
And like the narration in Sahih Muslim in which the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam indicated that a man’s prayer is cut off when a woman who has gotten her menstruation passes in front of him. In this hadith, the sign of a baligha (a woman who has reached puberty) was indicated by her menstruation, wAllahu ta’ala ‘alam.
To conclude, since the female wet dream may or may not be accompanied by a discharge, contrary to that of men, I posed a few questions to the shuyukh based on the discussion I had with other women and I received following answers from Sh. Yasir Qadhi:
These answers are by Sh. Yasir Qadhi:
To be honest we rarely find such DETAILED discussion in fiqh books, most likely because men are not as familiar with this topic as they should be. However, based on the hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, I would say that:
Question: If a woman sees a sexual dream but is confused whether she had an orgasm or not, what should she do? (Please keep in mind that female genital area is always wet, and they do not necessarily always have extra discharge upon orgasm, so the matter is not as easy to discriminate as for men)
Answer: The ‘asl (original) is that she has not had a wet dream, so until there is yaqin (certainty) she does not have to take a bath. Therefore, if she does not remember an orgasm, and her private area is not extra wet, she doesn’t have to do ghusl (bath).
Question: If she sees extra vaginal discharge but is sure that she didn’t have any dream of sexual nature at all?
Answer: Vaginal discharge does not necessitate ghusl, no problems here.
Question: If she sees extra vaginal discharge and is confused about the dream (i.e. vaguely recalls something but is not sure either), again keeping in mind that extra vaginal discharge could be completely hormonal or due to the normal menstrual cycle?
Answer: She must have yaqin (certainty) or at least a very strong presumption that she’s had a wet dream (which includes an orgasm).
If sisters have any further questions, please feel free to post them here.
——-
** UPDATE **
I received some private questions regarding this article. As much as I would love to answer them back privately, I see much benefit of putting the answers in this section. I was asked:
1. Explain the wet dream in exact words as if you were to explain it to your daughter.
2. How do you explain exactly what happens during a wet dream? Does a female wakes up feeling wet (many females have vaginal discharge all the times), or does it have to be accompanied by an orgasm?
3. How do you explain orgasm to your non married daughter?
4. Is Orgasm different from the initial vaginal throbbing sensation that one feels when one has been aroused?
Before we proceed, I want to mention that I was amazed at the level of shyness sisters feel in asking questions. I asked some of them to post these questions in the comments anonymously for the benefit of all the readers. BUT they felt too shy to even pose the question with a complete anonymous name/email.
Let us remember, as one of the shayookh on board, quoted:
لا يطلب العلم مستحي ولا مستكبر
“No shy or arrogant person will ever seek knowledge.”
Keeping this in mind, and inshaAllah for the benefit of all my sisters-in-Islam, I posed these questions to a few sisters I trust, and below is a collated reply from them:
1. It is a dream where you might see yourself or some other girl with some guy. And you might see the two kissing, hugging, touching each other and doing all sorts of romantic stuff. Seeing that dream will make your heart beat go faster and you will feel strong tingly sensation in your vaginal area. This may wake you up from your sleep.
It is not as simple to explain the orgasm in words. It is a strong sexual sensation that sends waves of pleasure from abdominal area to vaginal area, which makes a woman arch her back a bit and perhaps want to thrust her pelvis spasmodically. There is also a strong sensation to touch or rub the private area or to take something inside the vaginal area specifically. A woman will feel fulfilled and satisfied with an immediate drop of tingling in vaginal area and all sexual sensations.
It is important to note here though that sometimes a female may wake up in the middle of the dream, before having an orgasm. It is not allowed at that point to use one’s own hands or any instrument to insert or rub vaginal area to reach orgasm and feel satisfied. Whatever happened up to the point where a person wakes up is out of her control; however, what is done consciously is subjected to accountability.
It is important that the prohibition of masturbation is explained to the children. Once a sister’s 9-10 year old daughter used her mother’s body massager on her private areas; and ,very innocently, explained to her mother that it used to feel “good”. Obviously the daughter was totally unaware of what she was doing.
Similarly, once a sister saw her young daughter (around 7) using the shower massager on her private areas while taking a shower. She explained to her mother that it felt good.
2. It has to be accompanied by an orgasm. Please see the questions answered by Sh. Yasir in the post.
3. Explained above. Also, parents should take some time reading some material over this subject. There are books that can be checked out form the library. Or even more conveniently, there is material available on the internet. A simple Google search will lead you to many websites. However, you will have to filter that to appropriate information and in mild terms.
4. Yes, definitely. Orgasm is not the state of sexual arousal, but that of pleasure. Arousal results in vaginal throbbing; but orgasm is an intense feeling which leaves a person satisfied. Please see point 1. Initial vaginal throbbing sensation can be felt by thinking about sex, foreplaying etc. but orgasm is more than just the vaginal throbbing. One clear way of distinguishing between the two is that orgasm is followed by an immediate cease of all sexual sensations and leaves a woman exhausted and drained.
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Abdus Sabur
March 8, 2010 at 4:50 AM
“And like the narration in Sahih Muslim in which the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam indicated that a man’s prayer is cut off when a woman who has gotten her menstruation passes in front of him.”
What does this hadith mean, specifically?
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 5:05 PM
The hadith means that if a woman (who has reached puberty) passes in front of a man when he is praying, then his prayer is cut off. However, if the man is praying towards a sutrah (barrier in front of him), and the woman passed from behind the sutrah (meaning she does not pass between him and his sutrah) then this does not cut off his prayer.
The Prophet peace be upon him ordered us in another hadith to pray towards a sutrah and to come near it (meaning not be too far away from it). The sutrah can be anything that is at least a couple of feet in height, such as a tree, a pole, a chair, a wall, or any other object can be used. The person should stand close to the sutrah and not be very far away from it, so a good distance would be such that when he goes for sujud, then there is some space between his head and his sutrah, but not too much space.
By the way, both men and women should use a sutrah when praying, and the same applies to women too, that if a woman passes in front of another woman who is praying, then she cuts off her prayer as well, and this is not limited to men.
One last thing is that when praying in congregation, the sutrah of the Imam is considered a sutrah for everyone praying behind him, so it is sufficient for the Imam to pray towards a sutrah only.
Allah knows best.
Rafa
March 9, 2010 at 6:38 PM
“By the way, both men and women should use a sutrah when praying, and the same applies to women too, that if a woman passes in front of another woman who is praying, then she cuts off her prayer as well, and this is not limited to men.”
Just wondering if there’s a hadith to this? And what about if a man passes in front of a woman?
JazakAllah
Abd- Allah
March 9, 2010 at 8:24 PM
It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Saamit that Abu Dharr said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If any one of you stands up to pray, then he has a sutrah [an item placed in front of a praying person as a “screenâ€] if he has something the height of the back of a saddle in front of him. If he does not have something the height of the back of a saddle in front of him, then his prayer is invalidated if a donkey or a woman or a black dog passes in front of him.’†I [‘Abd-Allaah] asked, “O Abu Dharr, what is the difference between a black dog and a red or yellow dog?†He said, “O son of my brother, I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) the same question, and he said, ‘The black dog is a shaytaan (devil).’†(Narrated by Muslim, 510).
So according to this hadith, the three things that cut off a person’s prayer if they pass in front of him are a woman who has reached the age of puberty, a donkey, or a black dog. There is no mention that a man passing in front of a woman (or another man) cuts off their prayer, however, passing in front of a person who is praying in general is not something to be taken lightly, as the Prophet peace be upon him said: “If the one who passes in front of one who is praying knew what (sin) he incurs, he would realize that waiting for forty is better than passing in front of him.†Abu’l-Nadr said: I do not know whether he said forty days, or months, or years. narrated by al-Bukhaari(510) and Muslim (507)
The person praying should also try and stop anyone who passes in front of him directly between him and his sutrah, because the Prophet peace be upon him also said: “If one of you prays facing towards something that is screening him from the people, and someone wants to pass in front of him, let him push him in the chest, and if he insists then let him fight him, for he is a devil.†narrated by al-Bukhaari (509) and Muslim (505).
The last thing to note is that in the case when a person is praying in congregation behind the Imam, then the sutrah of the Imam is sufficient for everyone praying behind him and they all don’t have to put a sutrah in front of them and if some one passes in front of them then they should not stop him and he does not cut off their prayer, because they are praying behind the Imam and the sutrah of the Imam is considered a sutrah for those praying behind him, so it is enough for the Imam to pray towards a sutrah only, and if there is a need then people can pass in front of those praying behind the Imam in congregation without cutting off their prayer.
Allah knows best.
sarah
March 10, 2010 at 12:49 PM
Salam to all –
The question of women’s presence cutting off prayer is one issue that Sayyida Aisha (ra) disputed, and her refutation of it is noted in Sahih Bukhari:
Narrated ‘Aisha:
“The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, ‘Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people).’ I said, ‘You have made us (i.e. women) dogs. I saw the Prophet praying while I used to lie in my bed between him and the Qibla. Whenever I was in need of something, I would slip away for I disliked to face him.'”
– Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 9, Number 490:
and Allah (swt) knows best
ummaasiyah
March 8, 2010 at 6:58 AM
I totally agree. Too many parents shy away from giving their children advice on puberty. They don’t even need to speak to them about sex, but just puberty and the changes their child is going through.
For a pre-teen, it’s incredibly tough knowing that their body is changing especially when they don’t have anything other than their Biology classes and their friends to go on. They resort to learning from TV and the Internet, both of which are dangerous forms of educating oneself if not done sensibly.
But if parents support their children prior to puberty by preparing them for the 5-10 year journey they’re about to undertake and supporting them at every stage, then they will come out much better on the other side knowing that their parent has been their best friend.
Mothers, for some very odd reason, act as if female discharge and menstruation is a taboo topic. Most of this is cultural. What Islam teaches us is transparency on subjects like this. Girls are more likely to hide anything they find to be abnormal for fear of being a ‘freak’…and mothers need to pre-empt this. They need to be open and friendly. It’s a part of life and if girls don’t learn about all this, then they will end up becoming more and more distant and reserved from their parents.
iMuslim
March 8, 2010 at 10:08 AM
Jazakillah khair Umm Reem for being gutsy enough to tackle this sensitive subject, masha’Allah. I have nothing much to add, but I pray it is of benefit to all who read it, ameen.
Umm Reem
March 8, 2010 at 9:56 PM
JazakiAllah khiar iMuslim, i hope so too :)
123snMaHMOOD
January 14, 2013 at 9:40 AM
Asalamualaykum, in your article of wet dreams.. Yasir Qahdi said in one of his answers..
She must have yaqin (certainty) or at least a very strong presumption that she’s had a wet dream (which includes an orgasm).
How can one have a wet dream which includes an orgasm?Does this mean whilst shes asleep she has an orgasm.Can this orgasm be heard from people around her?
What if one is awake & imagines foreplay & gets throbbing in the vagina but no wetness of fluid ..does she have to make ghusl?
Amusa Ruqayat
November 14, 2013 at 12:39 AM
What can i do if i have wet dreams durin fastin.does it in anyway affect my fast.jazak Allahu khairan
asif
March 26, 2015 at 8:49 PM
assalam alaikum dear sister
thankyou verymuch for this post.my question is ,for a female, if she had a sexual dream and attained orgasm (involuntary contraction of vaginal muscle with pleasure),but her private area is not extra wet..she has to make ghushal??
Faqir
March 8, 2010 at 11:01 AM
InshaAllah maybe you can also just throw in the method of performing ghusl (at least the faraid). Many ppl, both men and women, think shower=ghusl, but dont realize that they may have not been purified. Its not the easiest thing to ask someone either. Jazakallah for your efforts, may Allah reward you.
Umm Reem
March 8, 2010 at 10:00 PM
A brief summary of the requirements for the Ghusl follow. First, the Muslim should make their intentions for purification, then wash the private parts. Then make wudu like the wudu done for prayer, then pour water on his right side, then the left side. Then water should be poured on his head, covering the entire body with water. It is also reported in the sunnah that the washing the feet should be delayed until the end of the ghusl. As is reported on the authority of A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when performing ghusl from janaba used to wash his hands, then wash his private parts with his left hand. After that he performed wudu like that for prayer. Next he took some water and ran his fingers in the roots of his hair until he used three handfuls of water on his head. He would then go on pouring water on the rest of his body and wash his legs. (It was reported by Muslim #479.) In the narration of Al-Bukhari it states that he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) then turned aside and washed his legs. (islam-qa.com)
More details can also be found in the first volume of Fiqh-us-Sunnah.
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 10:14 PM
A side note about making the intention, the place of the intention is in the heart, and saying our intention out loud is not from the sunnah. The same goes for all other acts of worship like prayer, wudu’… the intention should not be said or pronounced out loud, and a person should have the intention in their heart only, and it should not be uttered with the tongue because this is not from the sunnah.
Allah knows best.
Sister in Islam
March 16, 2010 at 2:51 PM
Assalaamu alaykum,
So the following should not be said in the beginning of prayer?
“Subhanak Allah wa bi Hamdika wa tabarak Asmuka wa ta’ala jaduka wa la ilaha ghayruk”
I thought this was the intention that you’re supposed to make in the beginning of every prayer.
Abd- Allah
March 16, 2010 at 5:37 PM
Sister in Islam, what you have stated is the opening du’a which is said at the beginning of prayer, after you have made the first takbeer and entered into prayer. The intention is different from that. The intention is the fact that you for example want to pray maghrib 3 rak’ahs, so that intention should be in the person’s heart and is not to be pronounced with the tongue before you start the prayer. So there is a difference between the opening du’a which you stated, and the intention which is in the heart.
An example of when a person says their intention out loud is when he stands for prayer but before he starts praying and before the first takbeer, he says “I intend to pray maghrib, 3 rak’ahs, fardh for Allah, in congregation, etc.”. This is what it means to pronounce your intention out loud, and although some people do this, but this is not from the sunnah and it should not be done. The place for the intention is in the heart, meaning you know that you are standing to pray maghrib 3 rak’ahs, so you don’t have to say it out loud. Allah knows what is in your heart, so it is enough to have your intention in your heart without pronouncing it with your tongue.
The opening du’a which you stated is what is said during the prayer, after the first takbeer and once the person has started the prayer, and this du’a is part of the prayer and it has nothing to do with the person’s intention. The person has the intention in his heart before he starts praying.
InshAllah this has cleared things up.
Saima
November 10, 2019 at 6:06 AM
As it is written in 4th answer that orgasm and sexual arousal is different if one is only sexually aroused ghusal is required or not?
muskan
September 30, 2013 at 1:34 AM
assalamualaikum,
i am 19, it happens many times with me that even when i am awake i dream as if a guy is kissing me and hugging me with love. i never masturbate nor even touch my private parts for pleasure or any i just think of a guy in the need of love and suddenly i realize its just fake and try to push away those thoughts from my mind yet some times i find a colorless liquid after that, is ghusl mandatory in this case? please help
Eman
November 19, 2013 at 9:27 PM
i have exactly the same questi0n. What if u get wet after seeing any drama or m0vie scene? Still have to take bath?
Sister
July 11, 2014 at 3:46 AM
Assalamualaikum dear sister
I’m a young muslim below the age of 18
I just want to ask of what if a female can’t control the “feelings” she receives and does it also break her wudhu and fast?
aswad
February 22, 2013 at 11:58 PM
i woke up from sleep and i found a white discharge and i do not remember any wet dream…do i need ghusl??is ghusl only necessary when a woman sees a yellow fluid when she wake’s up from sleep??
Abez
March 8, 2010 at 12:08 PM
“a man’s prayer is cut off when a woman who has gotten her menstruation passes in front of him. ”
I would like to know more about the hadith as well- How would the man know if the woman was menstruating? How does this apply in an area as immense as the Kabah? And what counts as passing “in front” of someone? Does that mean passing in front without a barrier immediately within the vicinity of where he would do sujood? Or just “in front” in general, because then things could get a little dicey where praying in public is concerned. Not trying to pick holes in things, I just want to learn more, InshaAllah
JazakAllahuKheiran!
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 5:55 PM
Refer to my comment above akhi, it should clear things up inshAllah.
Another thing to note is that the phrase “a woman who has gotten her menstruation” means a woman who has reached puberty, and it isn’t talking about whether that woman has her menstrual period when she passes in front of the person praying or not.
Umm Reem
March 8, 2010 at 10:02 PM
yes, jazakAllah khair for clarifying this…some of the translations cause confusion when they translate “a menstruating woman” which actually means a woman who has gotten her menstruation i.e. reached the age of puberty, wAllahu ta’ala ‘alam.
Mutant
March 8, 2010 at 12:52 PM
In summary, the parents should educate their children about all things related to Sex. Otherwise they will ruin their worldly life and hereafter by falling prey to friends, media & internet.
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 5:58 PM
JazakumAllah khayr for this article. It is crucial that every parent have this talk with their kids, both boys and girls, and inform them about these things and the Islamic rulings on them. Many times the kids are confused and don’t know what is happening to them or what they have to do according to Islam, and all this confusion could be avoided if the parents simply have this short talk with their kids.
Sadaf Farooqi
March 8, 2010 at 8:34 PM
A much needed article. May Allah reward you, Umm Reem, for clarifying this for the Muslim female population – especially the reverts, who have no biological Muslim mothers/sisters to guide them in their immediate family.
Now, insha’Allah, whenever a young, confused girl will do a search for this term on the Internet, hopefully she will be directed to this post of yours, for the right answers in Islamic jurisprudence.
muslima
January 3, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Why is masturbation not allowed? What about with your spouse?
Faiza
April 23, 2015 at 12:22 AM
There is no hadith or Quranic verse prohibiting masturbation, but one of my old Islamic studies and Quran teachers said it is a bad habit. Any bad habit can become addicting and should be limited. Fasting and praying is better.
Aishah
January 22, 2020 at 8:20 AM
You hit the nail on the head! The “young, confused girl” sure did end up with much help and guidance after reading this :D
UmA
March 8, 2010 at 9:17 PM
Umm Reem, jazakillah khayr!
Does the definition of wet dream apply to one whether they are awake or asleep? Perhaps you could clarify the definition?
Perhaps we could think of a better euphemism as this term, ‘wet dream’ does not clarify to the average reader what exactly happened.
Umm Reem
March 8, 2010 at 10:12 PM
Allahu ‘alam, UmmA from what I know is wet dream occurs during sleep, that is the general definition.
Perhaps if a person indulges in sexual thoughts, it may/can cause an ejaculation and he/she will have to make ghusal. In a quick serach, this is the closest ruling i could find
http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/22750/ejaculation%20thoughts
I will try to search more inshaAllah.
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 11:01 PM
For men, a wet dream or what is also called “nocturnal emission,” only happens during sleep. If a person masturbates when they are awake and this causes the ejaculation, then that is different than a wet dream and it also has its different ruling in Islam since it is voluntary ejaculation where as the wet dream is not.
However if a person indulges in sexual thoughts while he is awake, then that would not cause him to ejaculate (white semen), but another type of colorless discharge/Prostatic fluid might come out which is called madhyy, and it is different from semen or manyy which comes out during ejaculation or a wet dream. If a person is awake and has thoughts, then what usually comes out is the madhyy only which doesn’t gush out and it can even come out without the person feeling it or realizing it because it can come out without ejaculation, and this type of discharge is considered impure and requires the person to make wudu’ but it does not require ghusl, where as semen coming out due to ejaculation requires that the person makes ghusl.
This is how things are for men, not sure if it is the same for women or how women can differentiate between the different types of discharges, and which ones require ghusl and which ones don’t.
On another note, it would be good if one of the sisters at MM write a post about menstruation and the difference between it and the other type of blood (which has different color and smell than the blood of menstruation) that might continue to come out even though the woman’s period might be over (hayd vs istihaadah), because I think a lot of sisters might not know the difference, and so as long as they see blood they think they are still in their menstrual period and do not pray, where in reality their period might be over and that blood which is still coming out is not due to menstruation and so they are required to pray, but they don’t even know that and they think that they are still in their menstrual period and that they are not required to pray. So this might be confusing for many sisters, so I suggest a post is written about it to clear things up.
Allah knows best.
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 11:20 PM
Umm Sulaym (may Allaah be pleased with her), who asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a woman who sees a dream like a man sees (i.e., an erotic dream). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman sees that, she should do ghusl.†Umm Sulaym said: I felt shy when I heard that. She asked, “Is that possible?†The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How else would the child resemble his father or mother? The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow. Whichever of the two prevails or comes first decides which parent the child will resemble.†(Agreed upon. Saheeh Muslim, 469).
Abd- Allah
March 8, 2010 at 11:22 PM
This fatwa states the differences between the discharges of women.
Umm Reem
March 9, 2010 at 4:28 AM
Just so that some sisters don’t get confused, the link to the above fatwa regards to female discharges, seems to have ikhtilaaf over the issue…and this matter doesn’t seem to be as black and white as described in the fatwa, wAllahu ta’ala ‘alam…
I do intend to discuss that in details in a future post inshaAllah…however that is not the goal of this particular post. So let’s stick to the topic.
Ameera
March 8, 2010 at 10:30 PM
Jazakillahi khayran for writing this article! I with Sr Sadaf on this – hopefully search engines will bring up your article soon Insha’Allah, whenever a Muslimah is in need of information on this subject. We often leave our tricky subjects aside, like brushing them under the carpet, when really, we need to see them being discussed within the limits of the Shariah, for the sole purpose of educating people.
I hope you continue to write on matters of relevance to Muslims, especially the ladies. :)
Umm Reem
March 9, 2010 at 4:29 AM
:P
Zoni
February 28, 2016 at 4:59 PM
Assalam ou alikum umm reem i want to ask u a question that plz tell me in clear wording that wht type of wet dreams are i mean that we saw a strange man in our dream so thats y we should take bath
UmmHamzah
March 9, 2010 at 4:57 AM
Assalamo Alaikum. Any suggestions on how to open up the topic of puberty etc etc with children? Been wanting to talk to the children but have no idea how to start. Jazzak Allahu Khair
Abd- Allah
March 9, 2010 at 7:45 PM
I would say just start talking about it. There is no specific way. Considering the world we live in, it is probably already on their minds and they might have already heard some stuff from their friends or saw something on television (aka the devil in a box). It depends on how old they are, but if they are in their teens, then just start talking about it, of course start with an intro on how humans grow and our bodies change, and hormones, etc. then go on to the Islamic perspective and rulings, etc.
Keep in mind that I don’t have my own family or kids yet, so what I said is only based on my observations, so I might be completely wrong, and Allah knows best.
Umm Reem
March 10, 2010 at 1:10 PM
wa alaikum assalam Umm Hamzah,
I’d been trying to finalize my article on this topic for almost one year now but… :)
I am not an expert on this subject but I can share some of the ways that helped me but it cannot be a in a line or two…so just to give you a head start:
If your children are still under 10, then it is good. You can “break the ice” and start educating them BUT if they are already teenagers then it will be a bit complicated to “connect” with them…but still possible inshaAllah, and Allah knows best.
I would say start by educating them about their body parts, and how certain parts of the body are very private and needs to be well guarded and taken care of because we are Muslims and Allah has asked us to do so (and you can read some of the surahs WITH meanings to them etc.)…then carry on the conversation from there on to telling them about the changes they may see, in future, in their bodies and how it is normal, and what they should do when it happens.
Assure them, that they can always come and talk to you about it. Make everything sound normal. It can be a lunch table discussion, or if you have younger children, it can be one on one with the older one.
Maybe if you have a habit of spending some part of the day with them, then take advantage of that…
To be quite honest, what helped me a LOT, walhamdullialh, is that my children used to read Qur’an with the meanings and a bit of discussion over the meanings…so i took advantage of that time and brought up some of the ayahs that helped me initiate and back up my discussion…
If you have a daughter, educate her about menstruation…around 8ish ESPECIALLY if she is going to a public school or even to an islamic school. And to be honest, i would even tell my son…not in whole details up to a certain age, but tell him what happens and how a girl cannot pray or fast during this time and how they need extra support and care by the men of the family etc.
If they are going to a public school, you should, if not must, “educate” them around the same time the sex-ed class is given to children…i believe it is 3rd grade…
I started talking to my daughter about such issues right when she turned 8. She was homeschooled and i strictly monitored her friends, however, some of them knew too much so i talked to her before someone else did…
Also, I am a firm believer, that if children ask then a parent must answer their questions…depending on their age (and they usually ask when they are small)…no need to give too much information but at the same time we must not give them incorrect information in the name of shyness…
i hope it helps…if not then maybe you can ask specifically what you have in mind and inshaAllah I will try to answer that…
Abez
March 9, 2010 at 5:59 AM
Ah, thanks for the clarification in ‘woman who has reached menstruation’ vs ‘woman who is having menstrual period at the moment.’ I thought though, and Allah knows best, that that Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) use with pray with Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) sitting somewhere in front of him, and she would move her legs when he needed to Sujood and then replace them (in front of him) when he rose again?
I can’t remember where I read this: any ideas/clarifications?
JazakAllahuKheiran!
Abd- Allah
March 9, 2010 at 7:31 PM
Yes that is true, the Prophet peace be upon him prayed towards the bed in which Aisha may Allah be pleased with her was lying in under the blanket, so this is allowed and it does not cut off the prayer of the man, because it is different than passing in front of the one who is praying, and what cuts off the prayer is the woman actually passing in front of the one praying.
Allah knows best.
sebkha
May 29, 2010 at 4:43 PM
But what about the hadith mentioned above, by Sarah I believe-
“The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, ‘Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people).’ I said, ‘You have made us (i.e. women) dogs. I saw the Prophet praying while I used to lie in my bed between him and the Qibla. Whenever I was in need of something, I would slip away for I disliked to face him.’â€
It seems that she takes issue with being lumped together with dogs and donkeys. As in, those creatures passing in front of one who is praying = problem, but a woman = not a problem, because she’s nothing like a dog or a donkey, and neither is any other woman. Also, she says she would “slip away”-how is that not passing? She’s moving.
Akhi
March 9, 2010 at 9:17 AM
Can someone elaborate on ghusl more? What I do when taking ghusl is rinse my mouth and clean my nose and then take a shower beause I heard and may Allaah forgive me that the whole body must be wet and there should be no dry part on your body where the water hasn’t reached. Brothers, could you give me some suggestion on preventing wet dreams. I’m very often having wet dreams. Alhamdulillaah I make wudu before I go to skeep but subhanAllaah I’m still having wet dreams vey frequently. jazakAllaahu khairan
Faqir
March 9, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Brother, the fact that you are having wet dreams (assuming you are not married yet) means you are abstaining from big and detrimental sins of zina and masturbation (MOST cases, a person who does those shameful things doesn’t have the physiologic need for a wet dream). For ghusl, Allah says in the Quran If you are in a state of ceremonial impurity, bathe your whole body (Al-maida 6) every part MUST be wet, not leaving out inside your earlobes, belly button, crevices, etc. Many people forget about the small parts of the body. According to the Hanafi Madhab, you should also rinse your mouth and bring water up to the bridge (hard bony part) of your nose.
Akhi
March 9, 2010 at 2:28 PM
jazakAllaahu for the reply. Yup, the small parts you mentioned I take care of it. But up until now I have never made full/complete wudu and then bathe and that is where I was confused.
Junaid Farooqi
March 11, 2010 at 8:24 PM
Kind of embarrassing to post a reply here,
Some Quick tips to reduce frequency of Wet dreams.
MEN:
1. Fast ( google and you will find the Hadith on fasting for those unmarried)
2. Avoid spice and sugar – and by Spice I mean Cloves, Cardamom etc.
3. Avoid red meat as much as possible (regulate it to twice or thrice a week, and not more)
4. Avoid Internet like the plague, and unnecessary interaction with the opposite gender.
5. Dhikr and Volunteer at local masjid
5. GET MARRIED.
WOMEN:
1. Fast
2. Regulate sugar intake.
3. Novels/magazines/internet – anything that triggers emotional cue’s
4. Interacting with married folks on personal matters.
5. Dhikr
6. GET MARRIED
Abd- Allah
March 11, 2010 at 9:47 PM
I don’t get why people need to reduce the frequency of wet dreams that they have, it is not like it is in their hands nor will Allah hold them accountable for it because it is not something wrong in of itself. As long as people aren’t indulging in sexual thoughts or looking at things which are causing them to have these wet dreams, then it isn’t in their hands and they aren’t to blame for it, not to mention that this isn’t something wrong in of itself, and like the sister said in her article,
We shouldn’t really make more out of this than what it is, and there is a difference between wet dreams which happen involuntarily and between things which people choose to do themselves.
Junaid Farooqi
March 12, 2010 at 10:10 PM
Assalaamu alaikum
“it is not like it is in their hands”
The reality is, we should understand the physiology of what happens and how external factors influence it. And to understand why someone would like to reduce the frequency, the thought should not be purely spiritual (and we know that this is not something a person is NOT held accountable for).
Certain Physiological and psychological aspects of our environment actually aid or increase the frequency amongst unmarried men and women, and unfortunately now amongst married men and women. For men, and women alike – wet dreams may or may not be accompanied with a dream and this will require a complete article to explain with medical/psychological references and a response will not do complete justice.
Just understand, that the whole notion of reducing the frequency is in more ways than believed, connected to numerous factors – personal, social, environmental including the religious makeup of a person. The above points if you look closely address just the unmarried, and only two aspects – Dietary, and Psychological.
Just to reiterate, Wet dreams in solitary are natural and not in your control. It is however, a different matter when the frequency is influenced by factors in our control (some factors are acceptable e.g. dietary, and other factors are not e.g. movies).
farhan
May 12, 2010 at 11:10 AM
“I don’t get why people need to reduce the frequency of wet dreams that they have, it is not like it is in their hands nor will Allah hold them accountable for it because it is not something wrong in of itself.”
-Abd Allah
In response, I just wanted to share my experience. There was a time when I was unmarried, in college(with fitna EVERYWHERE especially during summer sessions), and abstaining from masturbation…these 3 factors increased the frequency of my wet dreams to at times 3 times a night.
I would have appreciate knowing ways to reduce the frequency to avoid having to take 3 showers in one night, if for no other reason :)
Abd- Allah
March 9, 2010 at 8:54 PM
One thing to add which is relevant to the topic is that if a woman has a wet dream during her menstrual period, then she still performs ghusl from the wet dream, even if it won’t make a difference in terms of performing the prayers because she isn’t praying anyways, and Allah knows best.
I think I have made too many comments for one post which isn’t even about a man’s issue but about women, but inshAllah this would be my last comment on here.
muslimfirst
March 10, 2010 at 8:04 AM
Thanks for adding this comment because I was about to add a comment asking this question.
muslimfirst
March 10, 2010 at 8:02 AM
If a woman has a wet dream whilst she is on her period, is she required to do gusl as soon as possible as she is not praying anyway?
Pingback: Female Wet Dreams: Islamic Perspectives & Regulations « The Journey to Marriage
Abd- Allah
March 10, 2010 at 1:32 PM
That is true, because Aisha may Allah be pleased with her was not aware of the other hadith of the Prophet peace be upon him which stated that the woman passing in front of the man who is praying cuts off his prayer, and based on what she saw the Prophet pray towards the bed in which she was lying down in. So both, her narration and the one stating that a woman passing in front of a man cuts off his prayers, both these narrations are authentic, so the scholars take them both into consideration when making the ruling, and they say that if the woman passes in front of him then that cuts off his prayer, but if she is like Aisha was in the bed in front of him, then her presence does not cut off his prayer. So there is a difference, and what cuts off the prayer is passing in front of the one praying only.
Olivia
March 12, 2010 at 8:59 PM
Jazakallahu khair for taking on a such a sensitive yet crucial subject. *thumbs up* good job.
Um Abdullah
March 16, 2010 at 6:41 AM
Salam alaykum,
I really need to ask the Gynecologist, Dr. Fatimah Lalani some questions. I would really appreciate any contact information?
I need some help
UMM Confused
March 16, 2010 at 3:27 PM
Assalamu’alaikum,
If a woman has never had any sexual expereince..when she expreinces a wet dream how does she know if she has orgasmed or not? If she does not know what an orgasm feels like etc??
Umm Reem
April 7, 2010 at 4:12 PM
wa alaikum assalam,
I suppose her mother or elder sister or female relative should explain to her. It is a very good question, but to be honest I don’t know the answer. InshaAllah I will find out.
Umm Reem
April 13, 2010 at 5:28 AM
read the “updated” part in the post above, it should help inshaAllah…
Pingback: Should Parents Tell Their Children About Changing Hormones? - GupShup Forums
Ummezaynub
March 30, 2010 at 2:26 PM
Jazakillah Khair sister- Will include this topic in our YG discussion inshaAllah. There is such dire need for issues like these to be addressed. 100% with you on talking to your children about puberty.
Umm Hamzah, take a look at Muslimah guide to puberty for tips on how to talk to your daughters about puberty.
Ummezaynub
March 30, 2010 at 2:34 PM
Sorry the link wasn’t working here it is again
http://www.muslimahsource.org/motherhood/muslimahs-guide-to-puberty-how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-adolescence/
UmA
April 13, 2010 at 6:33 AM
Jazakillahu khayra Umm reem for handling the awkward dept while the rest of us sisters shy away!
jonas
April 15, 2010 at 7:21 AM
very good clarification. stay blessed
nadia
May 11, 2010 at 4:34 PM
Assalamu alaikam
Can wet dreams break virginity?
What if they are accompanied with pressure on chest when you cant move and scary dreams. If I read quran and duas they stop but if i dont then i get them again, are these still wet dreams?
Umm Reem
May 30, 2010 at 5:49 AM
normally a wet dream is only consisted of something sexual….but if it is accompanied with chest pressure, scary dreams then, Allah knows best, it is something different…
possibly the shayateen are bothering you at night and as you said yourself that they stop with adhkar etc. then you should very consistently read your duas, adhkaar of the night and the morning…
Umm Reem
August 26, 2010 at 2:28 PM
> Can wet dreams break virginity?
no
Maryam
May 17, 2010 at 2:57 PM
i also have a question already published above but not answered!
how to differentiate between a wet dream and ejaculation whilst awake, with regaurds to sexual thoughts etc?
and is their treatment the same as the one for wet dreams?
Umm Reem
May 30, 2010 at 5:57 AM
wet dream is involuntarily…hence out of a person’s control…
ejaculation while awake by indulging in sexual thoughts is voluntarily and CAN be controlled by seeking Allah’s protection, distracting thoughts with something positive, not indulging in actions that might lead to sexual thoughts like movies, magazines, websites etc.
I don’t know what you mean by the treatment…
Adeela
January 8, 2014 at 11:25 PM
Hello!
I am having an issue causing me a lot of anxiety for the past couple of months. I did not know about Ghusl until recently, and didn’t know all the procedures of cleanliness. Anyway, I am finding myself getting aroused by very random things and unintentionally. I do not try to think of them, they just pop into my head and I immediately feel wet. I keep pushing the thoughts out of my head, but sometimes feel I can’t. By the time I have distracted myself, I already feel wet. I do not think of this on purpose my any means and the whole process can last from five to thirty seconds, and I never touch myself or try to continue these thoughts when they come into my head. I don’t know what to do because I feel I am constantly going to the bathroom and cleaning myself, so much so that I change my pad at least two to three times a day. I change my clothes and it is causing me so much grief. I understand it’s impure, but what am I to do if I cannot control it, the thoughts arise randomly and unannounced, and it happens so often? Am I to just live in my bathroom? Please help me!
a sister
May 25, 2010 at 6:40 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,
I also have a question: in one of the above Hadith, it said :
“He was asked about a man who thinks that he had an erotic dream but does not see any wetness. He said, “He does not have to do ghusl.â€
is this the same with sexual thoughts while awake?
Umm Reem
August 26, 2010 at 2:43 PM
there are a number of questions related to orgasm from sexual thoughts while awake or ejaculation while awake from sexual thoughts…
i don’t know how just by thinking about sex a person has orgasm…but if someone does then he/she has to make ghusal….
If it is in reference to masturbation, then please be reminded that mastrubation is haram…nevertheless a person must make ghusal.
wAllahu ta’aal ‘alam…
confused
May 30, 2010 at 2:20 AM
Really appreciate the article especially that I have two beautiful daughters now and sometimes I wonder how would i be able to speak to them about all the awkward stuff. I found mensturation not too difficult to deal with as I explained it to my younger sister before she started mensturating but i was kinda freaked out at the examples of two girls you gave about massager and shower – how would you help them understand that its not right?
Also I am not sure how often would a women have a wet dream but I find it weird that I never had any wet dreams all my life until I got married and even then i probably had one or two of those occassions (and alhumdulillah I have quite a healthy sexual life). Would explaining wet dreams to a girl who may never experience them confuse her? then again how would you know if she will experience them or not?
confusing…
Umm Reem
August 26, 2010 at 2:46 PM
i don’t think it will cause any confusions…just because mother didn’t have a wet dream doesn’t mean that daughter/s may not have it either…
By educating them not only you will fulfill your responsibility but you will also open a door of communication with your daughters, inshaAllah.
Sister with a Question
August 3, 2010 at 11:08 PM
Thank you for writing this article.
I’ve experienced an orgasm in my sleep as it’s explained here but I had no wetness when I fully woke up and checked. Do I still make ghusl?
Umm Reem
August 26, 2010 at 2:31 PM
yes…orgasm necessitate ghusal …
wAllahu ta’ala ‘alam…
Sabiya
August 25, 2010 at 6:19 AM
Assalamu ‘Alaykum,
I am a teenage Muslim. And I am very confused. Reading about wet dreams makes me scared to fall asleep for fear that I will continuously get wet dreams and then continuously have to take a shower. I wish there were someone to help me. Also, do those ‘ejaculations’ while awake require ghusl because if it did people could end up taking so many ghusls? Please help! JazakAllah Khair.
Umm Reem
August 26, 2010 at 2:49 PM
You should not get scared…just because you think you will have a wet dream doesn’t mean you will always have a wet dream…
it is hard to explain a female ejaculation but if she had an orgasm she has to take a shower…
Carlos
May 15, 2011 at 4:10 AM
What’s so hard about taking a shower? Don’t you take a shower every day anyway?
khadijah
August 26, 2010 at 9:46 AM
what is the ruling regarding amarried woman having thoughts of another man like what ever she dors the man jst pop in her mind but the thoughts are not sexually related.
Umm Reem
August 26, 2010 at 2:36 PM
I don’t know about the rulings…but
Firstly and most importantly, she should make isti’aadha (seek Allah’s protection by saying Aoodhobillahi minash shaytaan-ir-rajeem)
and she needs to evaluate the situation why these thoughts keeping coming back to her…if she is interacting with that man then she should stop if she can.
She should spend more time with her husband.
She must make du’a to Allah to protect her and her marriage.
and Allah knows best.
A sister
August 31, 2010 at 10:10 AM
Asalamu’Alaykum
I read on a website that if a woman has sexual thoughts and discharges then her wudu becomes invalid.
Is this true?
I never really had sexual thoughts before but once I read this I thought to myself that I should refrain from thinking these things. But for some reason these thoughts keep coming into my head and I don’t want them to. I don’t indulge in these thoughts and I don’t want to think them and if they do come I’m always worried if I’ve discharged and i’m always checking.
Anything that i hear i’m worried that it’ll be converted into a sexual thought . I don’t know if i’ve turned myself into this paranoid person. It’s making life difficult.
Im finding it difficult to pray because I’m worried that these unwanted thoughts will come into my head.
If i don’t indulge in these thoughts but it randomly pops into my head and i discharge is my wudu invalid?
Please can you help me
Umm Reem
December 27, 2010 at 1:44 AM
Maybe you can benefit form the following advice form sister Haleh. It was for antoher sister on another thread but similar situation:
It’s perfectly natural to have these thoughts and I suggest you don’t focus too much attention and energy NOT to think about if. The way our mind works is that if you tell it not to do something that is the very thing it will do. For instance if I tell you don’t think about a pink elephant what happens? You will get obsessed about not thinking about it which essentially gets you more focused on it.
Here is what you do:
1. Say aothobillah whenever you get the thought
2. As soon as you get the thought make a very powerful Dua- something like: grant me and the muslim ummah the highest level of Jannah, forgive the sins of all previous, present and future Muslims. Since this waswasa is coming from the shaytan he wants you to be preoccupied with these thoughts so you don’t think about Allah so if you apply reverse psychology by remembering Allah whenever you get the thoughts the shaytan will back off – this is very effective!
I worked with a client who had a destructive thought and this ended it.
3. Having the discharge is not such a big deal- just make sure you have pantyliner on and change it each time before wudo.
4. Keep yourself busy doing constructive things, volunteer, visit the elderly, help with little kids and try not to spend too much time alone.
5. Make positive statements about yourself and your situation:
I am in control, this will all pass, everything will be just fine. The negative self-talk will lead to feeling catastrophic and the cycle gets worse and worse so take control of your thoughts by making positive statements.
6. Don’t be so hard on yourself – stay away from anything that induces these thoughts: sexual movies, magazines, pictures etc. And surround yourself with pious friends
7. Have Yaqeen that this will all pass
8. Get up for tahajud and pray to Allah that he removes these thoughts until you get married and for Allah to provide you with a good spouse.
May Allah ease your heart and help you get through this.
Haleh
Umm Reem
December 27, 2010 at 1:45 AM
yes, if you were sexually aroused. and Allah knows best.
Sister
January 2, 2011 at 12:03 PM
Thank you for your help
I’m a little worried now because i think ive become paranoid about being aroused, any little feeling i get im always worried whether or not if ive discharged.
I get very scared when I pray because im very worried that it might happen.
I have a very bad habit of tensing my muscles down there if I feel that a sexual thought is about to go through my head. Then im not sure if i’ve been aroused or not.
When I try to prevent these thoughts from going through my head, sometimes I get a feeling.
does that mean i’ve been aroused even though I was trying not to think of it?
i apologise about this, I don’t know why i’m having such a difficult time with this.
My friend told me that it is very easy for women to get aroused, is this true? and that I’d be able to see the discharge.
Greengrass3
September 12, 2010 at 5:47 PM
Salaam Umm Reem
Hope you are well. I’ve been thinking about this post for some time now. I read it a while ago but as it has remained at the back of my mind I feel compelled to comment.
Firstly, I want to thank you for the quality of the thought provoking content. It has made me think quite long and hard about my role as an educator. It made me reflect on the thousands of children, teenagers to be specific, I have taught over the years. Boys and girls, Muslim and non-Muslim alike. Foremost I wanted to instil in them, empathy and compassion. A humane compassion for their fellowman through my first love, literature. To use my passion for the canon of western literature on the school syllabus to perhaps help the children to see the importance of empathy for the plight of others. Analysing great literary figures, particularly from the Bard himself to enable them to look inside someone else’s mind and to think before they judged that fictional character for his/her failings. An exploration of the frailty and complexity of human nature. The desired outcome was that they would go out into the real world knowing, although it is easier to vilify those who make mistakes, it is harder but more worthwhile to exercise a deeper knowledge by showing tolerance, compassion and circumspection however high passions may rise. For those with a passionate nature, like myself, this is a difficult message to absorb. Especially as adult life rarely gets less challenging.
I can’t know whether I achieved this significantly or insignificantly. All one can do is try.
And then I thought about your post. How much I would have liked to have shared the knowledge within it. A kind of bitter sweet feeling of knowing how much peace it would bring to those with raging hormones and deep seated guilt about the workings of biology they can’t quite control but their beautiful religion could guide them – were they to have access to the knowledge. So many young souls are vulnerable through not having the resources and avenues to trust information outlets and remain in quite an emotionally stuck place within themselves. How much value and peace of mind such information could add to these young people. In my experience, some of the boys tend to be attention seeking and so in terms of physical time, managed to take up a lot more than the girls. I have felt a bit guilty about this. Sometimes I’ve expressed this worry to the girls and apologised. And received an ‘It’s okay miss, we understand.’ Followed by a patient silence, but I’ve wondered and at times discovered extreme unhappiness behind those good manners, particularly with regard to the issues in your post, exacerbated with an obligatory cultural guilt…
Knowledge is power and the empowerment of these young Muslim women would so clearly come from the most perfect of sources were they aware enough or fortunate enough to be thus informed.
The irony is we seem ill at ease with discourse about intimacy and sexuality whilst the greatness of our faith waits for us to seek the knowledge revealed 1400 hundred years ago.
I am fortunate that your passions include sharing this material as I have benefitted from it.
Jk
Umm Reem
December 27, 2010 at 1:41 AM
Dear sister greengrass,
Firstly, jazakAllah khair.
Secondly, please don’t be so hard upon yourself. We all make mistakes but only a few of us actually reflect back and learn from it.
Alhamdullialh, the fact that you actually brought up this issue with the girls and apologized to them shows courage and bravery on your part and i am sure it must mean A LOT to those girls whether they express it or not.. I believe you can still benefit many many other girls in yoru community or your family and many can learn from you. :)
Greengrass3
January 31, 2011 at 5:06 PM
Dear Umm Reem
Salams
Hope you are well. Your comment is lovely and generous. Thank you.
JazakAllah Khayr
Sobia
LittleTooth
September 20, 2010 at 8:05 AM
Asalamu Alaikum!
I am a young teenager and I have recently found out about this. I would like to know how exactly do you know if you had a wet dream if you don’t recall it. I understand that there is a wet feeling but that isn’t easy to make the difference so can you please explain how to know?
Umm Reem
December 27, 2010 at 1:35 AM
please go back to the article, i have expalained it there.
San :)
February 11, 2012 at 10:59 PM
it’s normal for a woman to have vaginal discharge and it’s normal for a woman’s vagina to become more “wet” or lubricated when she is aroused. Why? A woman’s cervix produces mucus, which lines the vagina and is expelled as discharge. So it’s normal to notice a whitish to yellowish stain on your underwear. The color, smell, and consistency of discharge can change throughout the month, depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. Discharge can be more wet or more dry, and be more or less thick or viscous. Each woman has a general pattern of how her monthly cycle proceeds.
In terms of sexual stimulation, veins in a woman’s genital tissues begin to dilate and fill with blood, gradually making the whole area feel full (called vasocongestion). In the vagina, this swelling creates a “sweating reaction,” producing a fluid that makes the vaginal lips get wet.
Hope I helped?
Pingback: Quandary of Female Vaginal Discharge | MuslimMatters.org
Sister
October 31, 2010 at 2:11 AM
Salaam
is there a specific colour for the discharge when you have an orgasm during a wet dream?
I don’t know how reliable the internet is but i read a hadith somewhere but I can’t remeber the exact words that the prophet said if you see your discharge is thin and yellow.
(Anyone reading this comment please don’t quote me because I don’t know how authentic that hadith was and I can’t remember the exact wording)
Is this true? Can you clarify this for me please.
HadithCheck
November 6, 2010 at 12:05 PM
Salaam, please take a look at the following link you will find the hadith that you are looking for and its authenticity:
http://hadithcheck.blogspot.com/2010/11/sahih-water-of-man-vs-water-of-woman.html
HadithCheck
Hena
November 8, 2010 at 12:06 PM
assalaam alaikum
Sister umm reem you have said that ghusl becomes obligatory for women if they have an orgasm but according to the hadith of Prophet ghusl becomes obligatory on women if they have discharge during an orgasm and not due to orgasm without discharge.Please reply.
Umm Reem
December 27, 2010 at 1:33 AM
which hadeeth?
HadithCheck
December 27, 2010 at 2:55 AM
Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’†(Bukhari)
Umm Reem
April 18, 2011 at 1:50 PM
an orgasm is accompanied with discharge…so i’m not sure what you meant by an orgasm without a discharge.
As for just the discharge, as you can read in the QA with sh. yasir, the reason we asked if it is just the discharge is because it could be the regular vaginal discharge (in case a woman is not sure whether she had an orgasm or not during the dream). If she did have an orgasm, it will automatically imply the sexual discharge too. And Allah knows best…
I hope it clarifies….
HadithCheck
December 27, 2010 at 3:15 AM
Not sure, but this might be of benefit:
source
Umm Reem
April 18, 2011 at 1:47 PM
Please keep in mind that this fatwa is in answer to a man’s question.
Noshy
December 23, 2010 at 12:59 PM
Salaam
PLEASE HELP :(
So Im not quiet understanding when is the time i need to do ghusl. I will tell you a time i had a bad dream. So i had a bad dream and it was just not appropriate(but not anything involving intercourse). And i wake up little later worried if that breaks my wudu or ghusl because i cant really control what i am thinking at night def. in my dreams. So that is one and second I do not understand what is a counted as vaginal discharge that lead me to shower. (sorry i will be slightly descriptive, please forgive me, but i need the right answer so i know im doing things correct) So i went to check and i had a very faint..very faint brown or really light brown spot on my pantie liner. I just decided to change my panties wash myself there and performed wudu and went to pray. But I was not sure what breaks wudu.. because i only learned the basic things that break wudu… such as bleeding, vomitting, sleeping, and gas stool or urine coming out from the ends of body.
Please give me answers and let me be out of my miseries =(…Im serious I feel very bad and most of the websites i studied from make me feel like i am a bad muslim. However some thing do sound inhumane because the body having some cycle can cause me to do ghusl twice a day or something.
I’ve been having some issue to the point i feel like i have ocd.
So please give me clear answers whether its completely wrong or just fine and give some proof if you can.
thank you
p.s so sorry for my bad grammar
Noshy
December 23, 2010 at 1:04 PM
fyi-It was a verry very faint brown stain..like it could pull off being a shadow but shadows are not brown..
Umm Reem
April 18, 2011 at 3:20 PM
Maybe the brownish discharge is right before or after your menstrual cycle and it is related to your periods?
maybe this article will help you about the regular vaginal discharges:
http://muslimmatters.org/2010/09/22/quandary-of-female-vaginal-discharge/
Magda
March 2, 2011 at 7:56 PM
As Salamualaykoom wa rahamtullah,
Jazakullahkhairan katheera for this very informative and much needed article. I have a question regarding what a female should do if, while she is awake, she thinks desirous thoughts and thus this leads to discharge from the vaginal area. This discharge is usually clear, and comes with warm sensation in the vagina area. Sometimes this discharge comes in small amounts and other times it comes in larger amounts and it is clear in color and is sticky. If a women experiences such a discharge should she simply clean up her vaginal area with water and make fresh wudu or is she required to make ghusl? Also, please note sometimes these desrious thoughts which come in the mind are nothing but whispers from the shaytan, they sometimes even come during Salah or before Salah, and one tries their best to fight it, but yet still ends up having some sort of discharge coming from the vagina.
Jazakullahkharian was Salamualaykoom
Umm Reem
April 18, 2011 at 1:57 PM
wa alaikum asslaam,
If the discharge is without an orgasm, then she should renew her wudu. And Allah knows best….
We discussed a few tips in the comments above how sisters should try to ward off these thoughts.
Rua
March 30, 2011 at 3:43 PM
assalaam alaikum
Does a woman need to do ghusl if there clearly was no orgasm, but wetness is seen due to sexual thoughts?
JazaakumAllah khair
Umm Reem
April 18, 2011 at 1:58 PM
No.
and Allah knows best.
sister
April 18, 2011 at 2:05 AM
Salaam,
Can you please explain this hadith that was mentioned in the article: “Allah does not accept the prayer of a menstruating woman [i.e who has gotten her menstruation] unless she wears a veil [khimar]“
Does this mean salah is not accepted from a woman past the age of puberty unless she wears a khimar? Is this specific to wearing the khimar during salah, or does it mean wearing the khimar in general when going out of the home?
Jazak Allah.
Umm Reem
April 18, 2011 at 2:03 PM
wa alaikum assalam,
Khimar meaning a cloth covering her body from head down to her feet. Though there is a difference of opinion whether her feet need to be covered or not but the rest of her body has to be covered, and Allah knows best.
As for khimar being required for going out of home, there is a difference of opinion. Khimar does not mean that particular “Egyptian khimar’ rather it means any extra layer of cloth (jilbab, abaya) over the regular clothes.
Tricia
May 23, 2011 at 10:10 AM
Umm Reem, Im not sure you understood her question. She wasnt asking whether it is required to wear hijab out of the home. She was asking whether a woman who for whatever reason, only wears hijab for prayer, if her not wearing hijab at other times invalidates her prayer in hijab. (I would think Allah rewards each thing on its own and rewards every step we take towards him, and we should have a good opinion of Allah. Allahu alam.)
Carlos
May 15, 2011 at 3:14 AM
Reading this article and others I have seen on this website, I get the strong sense that Muslims obsess too much about sex. Do you have any idea how strange an article like this appears to non-Muslims? Please do not traumatize children about their natural bodily functions. Sex is not inherently evil. And, with the invention of contraception, modern obstetrics and gynecology, prophylactics and paternity testing, sex is not as harmful as it used to be in biblical or quranic times.
Amad
May 15, 2011 at 3:22 AM
Carlos, please realize that this blog serves a dual-audience of Muslims and nons. However, the majority of audience is Muslim and as such we’ll cater to their needs. If you go to an orthodox Jewish blog, I am sure you’ll find many discussions there strange as well, as the Torah-based laws are even harder and stricter than Muslims. You can take note of how so many Muslim women are interested in this topic. My lack of interest or your lack shouldn’t take away from those who are interested.
For Muslims, Islam is comprehensive. It covers all aspects of life. We are even taught how to use the bathroom properly. There is no shame in matters of religion and we take them all seriously. What good is a manual when its instructions become obsolete? And precisely why Islam’s instructions are always fresh.
And yes, we cover a lot of taboo topics because we have a tendency to hide our dirty laundry. Until we talk about it, we will not be able to fix them. And a lot of taboo topics are in the area of human sexuality.
Finally, if you measure the percent of topics related to human sexuality to the total sum of topics, it is still a small fraction. So, this is not obsession, it is giving it its fair due.
Carlos
May 15, 2011 at 3:48 AM
Oh, don’t get me started on the Orthodox Jews, Amad. Do you know their laws of “modesty” recently justified air brushing the U.S. Secretary of State from a historical photograph? Apparently “modesty” requires writing women out of history. How convenient. When religious laws conflict with reality, which should bend?
As for how to use the bathroom, I use high quality toilet paper, then moist wipes, and then always wash my hands twice, with hot soapy water, for at least thirty seconds. Is that halal? Is that kosher? If so, I was not aware. I do not get my hygiene tips from ancient books, I get them from reading about modern health science and epidemiology.
;-)
sebkha
May 16, 2011 at 1:41 PM
you could always get a water conserving bidet, and save a tree or two or three.
Tricia
May 23, 2011 at 10:13 AM
Carlos, before modern science and technology people’s hygiene varied widely, as youre probably aware. So I’m sure if you met the Prophet Muhammad, you would have found him pleasant to be around in this matter, and would probably tell him “preach on” as regards telling people about this. :o) And yes, we can get obsessive at times, and that is also not good. Balance is always advised, but we are humans like other humans, and we make mistakes.
Hena
May 26, 2011 at 12:34 PM
Assalaam alaikum
Sister Reem, i sometimes have an orgasm during sleep but when i wake up there is no wetness in my undergarments, do i still have to perform ghusl?Since in the Hadith Prophet Mohammad(pbuh)said if you see the discharge then perform ghusl ,if you don’t see then there is no ghusl.
Umm Reem
May 29, 2011 at 2:31 PM
Hena,
In the hadeeth you are talking about, when Umm Sulaym asked about ghusl from a dream, she was told, “…if she sees water”,
Allahu ‘alam but apparently the interpretation is that only if the dream resulted in orgasm (and not just a dream).
By ‘water’ is meant here the effects of the dream, i.e., orgasm. It could be that a woman, as we discussed in the article and in QA with sh. yasir, that a woman may have a wet dream (with orgasm) but without an obvious discharge. By ijma, both men and women must do ghusl due to orgasm (with or without discharge).
And Allah knows best.
Abu
May 29, 2011 at 3:37 PM
How would a woman or a man know if they had an orgasm during their sleep if they had no discharge? Unless a person wakes up in the middle of the orgasm and is able to feel it, they would not know if they had an orgasm during their sleep if they find no wetness when they wake up. Having a sexual dream does not mean the person had an orgasm, although it might. So if a person has a sexual dream but when he wakes up there is no wetness to indicate that he did have an orgasm, then the doubt of having an orgasm without discharge during sleep does not remove the certainty of being in a pure state. Ghusl is not required unless the person is certain that they had an orgasm and if the person was sleeping and there is no wetness to indicate that an orgasm did happen during his sleep, then he would not be required to do ghusl.
Sister Hena, when you say having an “orgasm during sleep” do you mean having a “sexual dream”? Because if there is no wetness when the person wakes up then how does he know that he had an orgasm while he was sleeping?
Amad
May 30, 2011 at 3:51 AM
It’s different for men and women. For men, its quite simple. If there’s no evidence of discharge (“wet” will be obvious), its not a “wet dream”.
Amad
May 30, 2011 at 7:27 AM
Further to that:
http://en.islamtoday.net/node/1458
Abu
May 30, 2011 at 11:22 AM
Brother Amad, I’m a bit confused. You said men and women are different but then you posted the fatwa which states that they are not different in this issue and both of them do not have to perform ghusl unless they see liquid
Massoud V.
May 30, 2011 at 8:27 PM
This Hadith has some concerns:
Aisha (ra) said: The Messenger of Allaah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, was asked about a man who notices some wetness but does not remember having a wet dream. He said, “He should do ghusl.†He was asked about a man who thinks that he had an erotic dream but does not see any wetness. He said, “He does not have to do ghusl.†Umm Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allah, does a woman have to do ghusl if she sees something like that?†He said, “Yes, women are the twin halves of men.†(Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood)
Although it is recorded in Sunans Abu Dawud (#236), At-Tirmidhi (#113) and Ibn Majah (#612), it is in fact a weak Hadith due to the weakness of Abdullah Ibn Umar Al-Umari being in its chain, and he had a weak memory. Although it was classed as Sahih by Al-Albani, it seems to be more correct that its defects are too much to be considered as such. At-Tirmidhi, despite his lenience, also did not grade this Hadith as Hasan. It was therefore classed as Da’if by Zubair Ali Za’i . . .
For more details, see Ash-Shawkani’s analysis on this weak Hadith in his work Nayl Al-‘Awtar (1/281).
And Allah knows best.
HadithCheck
June 4, 2011 at 4:27 PM
Alhamdulillah, it is good to see some of our young students of knowledge taking interest in the science of hadith and its studies. May Allah bless you brother Massoud and grant you proper understanding and beneficial knowledge.
There is one thing to note regarding this hadith, and that is the only weakness that exists in its chain is what you mentioned of that narrator Al-Umari who although was trustworthy but he had a weak memory. However he has a mutaba’a for this hadith as that same incident was also related by someone else with a sound chain from the hadith of Anas may Allah be pleased with him. Therefore this hadith does rise up to an acceptable level of authenticity. I would recommend that if you know Arabic that you look at Sheikh Al-Albani’s takhreej of this hadith in his Silsila Sahiha under hadith # 2863, his commentary on it might be of benefit insha’Allah.
Massoud V.
June 4, 2011 at 10:57 PM
Barakallahu Feek, dear Hadith Check for your kind words . . .
Allah knows best of the grading of this Hadith, but it seems very clear that it may not be the most appropriate piece of evidence, and Ash-Shawkani has elaborated on this, in the reference provided. He says that all of the apparent Shawahid in this regard are weak. Zubair Ali Za’i also says something similarly.
And Allah knows best.
HadithCheck
June 5, 2011 at 12:41 AM
Wa feeka baaraka Allah my dear brother.
Al-Shawkani rahimahullah said in Nayl Al-Awtar that there were no mutabaa’aat for Al-Umari’s narration of this hadith, so it seems like Al-Shawkani rahimahullah did not comment on this mutaaba’a which Sheikh Al-Albani rahimahullah had mentioned in his takhreej. That mutaaba’a does have a sound chain of narration.
Also the hadith of Khawla bint Hakim (may Allah be pleased with her) which Al-Shawkani rahimahullah mentioned right before this one in Nayl Al-Awtar has a very similar meaning and is Sahih as he mentioned and commented that its meaning is agreed upon.
So from that hadith, both men and women, if they have an erotic dream but do not find any wetness then they do not have to perform ghusl, but if they find wetness then ghusl becomes obligatory upon them even if they don’t remember having an erotic dream. So it does not matter if a person has an erotic dream, but if they find wetness then they have to perform ghusl, otherwise they do not.
Here is that hadith for those who are interested:
Narrated by Khawlah Bint Hakeem, who asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) if a woman should make ghusl when she has a sexual dream, he (peace be upon him) said:
“No ghusl on her unless she has a discharge, similarly there is not ghusl on the man unless he ejaculates.” (Related by Ahmad, Al-Nasa’i, Ibn Majah, and Ibn Abi Shaybah)
Sheikh Al-Albani also graded this hadith as hasan in Sahih Ibn Majah.
Massoud
June 5, 2011 at 12:26 PM
Yes, there is no doubt that the Hadith’s meaning is correct, as similarly has been narrated in Muslim (#311 and #314) and others. And you, Barakallahu Feekum, have shown other of its Shawahid.
As for the Hadith of Khawlah which you quoted (it is found in Sunans Ibn Majah #602 and An-Nasa’i #198), although it was classed as Hasan by Al-Albani (Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah #486 and Silsilah As-Sahihah #2187), it has defects in its chain:
1. Ali bin Zaid bin Jad’an is weak (At-Taqrib),
2. Ata’ Al-Kharasani (he is in An-Nasa’i’s route, #198) used to commit Tadlees as stated in At-Taqrib and he narrated this Hadith via An’anah (truncated form), so it cannot be known whether he did hear from the one he should be narrating from.
But of course, we know its meaning is authentic, as you have shown other routes which are authentic. So maybe it might raise the status of this Hadith to Hasan li Ghayrihi? Allah knows best, and Zubair Ali Za’i classed it as Da’if; he did not think its status could be raised, although others did . . .
Jazakallahu Khairan for your keen research, dear Hadith Check . . .
hena
June 5, 2011 at 1:45 PM
Sister Umm Reem,
I was going through female ejaculation on google and some researches indicate and scientists say that sometimes when women are sexually excited the fluid ie semen can be secreted even without orgasm.Then do women have to perform ghusl every time they are sexually excited even if there is no orgasm or sexual pleasure?It will make life difficult for women since female ejaculate is very difficult to differenciate from other female discharges.Please clarify since i am very depressed due to waswasas and it is making my life difficult.
Umm Reem
June 6, 2011 at 1:10 AM
Hena,
From what I have read, the same can happen to men also, yet the ghusal doesn’t become obligatory until they have an ejaculation and/ orgasm.
I think shaytaan is just playing with your mind and making you doubtful about your taharah status. Remember, if a matter is doubtful the certainty takes over, i.e. unless you know for sure there was an ejaculation/orgasm you should ignore the doubts, and Allah knows best.
Whenever you start becoming doubtful just say ‘aa’oodhobillah min ashaytaan ar rajeem’ and carry on with you daily affairs.
Anonymous
January 5, 2020 at 3:51 PM
Hi umm reem
Quick question I have a friend who experiences discharge on a daily basis even in the morning but she never recalls a wet dream so shall she do ghusl if she sees any discharge colour like white or yellow
sister c
July 27, 2012 at 4:33 AM
if your sexuallt excited you have to perform wudu not ghuls but if you have an orgasm you have to perform ghuls
plz clarify
June 8, 2011 at 11:46 AM
asslamu alaikum,
you said:
It is important to note here though that sometimes a female may wake up in the middle of the dream, before having an orgasm. It is not allowed at that point to use one’s own hands or any instrument to insert or rub vaginal area to reach orgasm and feel satisfied. Whatever happened up to the point where a person wakes up is out of her control; however, what is done consciously is subjected to accountability.
the emboldened part refers to masturbation, yes? i really wish that this issue be clarified, perhaps an article on this topic would be convenient. in the qna for the likeagarment course shaykh yasir stated that it is not haram. with all the flowing opinions out there, it gets a bit difficult. so please shed some light on this issue
plz clarify
June 8, 2011 at 11:47 AM
and if there is an existing article, plz feel free to just link me to it inshallah
Massoud
July 3, 2011 at 12:37 PM
The issue of whether masturbation is permissable or not is an area of disagreement, as there are no explicit evidences to prohibit it. In fact, Ibn Hazm, Ash-Shawkani and some of the Hanbalis believed it to be permissable. Their words seem to prove the neutrality of performing this act, and thus it is permissable . . . And Allah knows best.
ukht
June 8, 2011 at 1:20 PM
Just to clarify, Umm Salamah ra.(the wife of the prophet s.a.w) is the one who narrates the hadith, but she isn’t the one asking the question. Rather it is Umm Sulaym asking the question.
Secondly, there is no haya’ in issues concerning the deen. So when the need rises, one must ask in order to educate themselves regarding these issues which are of utmost importance.
Many sisters are ignorant of these issues and the rulings to abide by and it is essential that these matters be taught as they concern and affect oru obligations, ex. tahara without which salat is not valid.
Dean
June 8, 2011 at 5:11 PM
Jazakallah khair for your response.
I was referring to both hadiths below:
Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alaihi wasalam, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’†(Bukhari)
and
`A’ishah said: “Someone asked the Prophet (peace be upon him) about a man seeing himself discharging in his dream though he does not feel wet.â€
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “He does not have to bathe.â€
Umm Salamah asked: “What about women, O Messenger of Allah?â€
He said: “Women are the full sisters of men.†[Sunan Abî Dâwûd and Sunan al-Tirmidhî].
When both (may Allaah be pleased with them) asked the question, they were very brief and to the point. Umm Salamah was so shy, even with such a brief question, that she covered her face when asking the messenger of Allaah sallallahu alayhee wsalam, who was her husband!
Concerning you statement:
Secondly, there is no haya’ in issues concerning the deen. So when the need rises, one must ask in order to educate themselves regarding these issues which are of utmost importance.
Shaykh ibn Uthaymeen said:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shyness is part of faith.†So shyness in religion is part of faith, but when someone says “There is no shyness in religion,†what he means is that there is no shyness in matters of religion, i.e., in asking about something concerning which one may feel shy. If this is what is meant, then it is better to say that Allaah is not shy to speak the truth. Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (37/25)
(I know this isn’t exactly what you said, I thought it was just worth mentioning).
No doubt one most ask in order to educate themselves. Let me ask you a question and anyone else who may deem it acceptable to ask about such matters on a forum, with men and women speaking about their own experiences on having an orgasm or a wet dream, rather than ask a scholar:
If RasoolAllaah sallallhu alayhee wsalam was reading everything in this forum, would you dare utter such words like:
It is not as simple to explain the orgasm in words. It is a strong sexual sensation that sends waves of pleasure from abdominal area to vaginal area, which makes a woman arch her back a bit and perhaps want to thrust her pelvis spasmodically. There is also a strong sensation to touch or rub the private area or to take something inside the vaginal area specifically. A woman will feel fulfilled and satisfied with an immediate drop of tingling in vaginal area and all sexual sensations.
knowing 100% men are reading what you’ve said, or possibly a curious teenage boy getting excited by this?
or
“I don’t get why people need to reduce the frequency of wet dreams that they have, it is not like it is in their hands nor will Allah hold them accountable for it because it is not something wrong in of itself.â€
-Abd Allah
In response, I just wanted to share my experience. There was a time when I was unmarried, in college(with fitna EVERYWHERE especially during summer sessions), and abstaining from masturbation…these 3 factors increased the frequency of my wet dreams to at times 3 times a night.
I would have appreciate knowing ways to reduce the frequency to avoid having to take 3 showers in one night, if for no other reason
knowing 100% women are reading what you just wrote. Or if the women companions of the prophet sallallhu alayhee wsalam were reading this.
I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind saying yes. So how about when Allaah is Watching your every move, And the angels who are with you recording everything you’ve written to be questioned about on the Day of Judgement?
Don’t you see it was sufficient enough for Umm Sulaym and Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with them both) to stop where they did, asking with the utmost modesty?
Umm Sulaym beginning with “Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth” and Umm Salamah covering her face in front of her husband, RasoolAllaah sallallhu alayhee wsalam.
Many sisters are ignorant of these issues because they haven’t looked into it properly. Every one of you brothers and sisters, go to islamqa.com, type in the keywords of your questions and concerns, 9 times out of 10 you will find your answer on the utmost embarrassing issues answered by real scholars. If you don’t, email them. If it takes too long for them to reply, ring into Islam channel on the IslamQA which comes on about 8:00pm almost every day, if not every day, and ask there. If it’s too embarrassing over the phone, request the sheikh to ring you after the show and they do.
Please feel free to correct me.
Salaam
Brother
June 8, 2011 at 8:44 PM
This is not a very accurate statement. There is haya’ in all the issues concerning the deen, for haya’ is part of eeman too, but what I think the sister meant is that having haya’ does not prevent some one from seeking knowledge in the deen.
Brother Dean, I don’t think there is anything wrong with discussing this issue, but I do agree that going too much into details may be better discussed in private among the women alone.
Dean
June 9, 2011 at 5:42 PM
Jazkullah khayrun for your responses. I posted a very long reply before, for some reason, after awaiting moderation, did not show up. Allaah knows best why that happened.
Sister, I was referring to this hadith:
Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’†(Bukhari)
With regards to your statement “there is no haya’ in issues concerning the deenâ€,
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:…The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shyness is part of faith.†So shyness in religion is part of faith, but when someone says “There is no shyness in religion,†what he means is that there is no shyness in matters of religion, i.e., in asking about something concerning which one may feel shy. If this is what is meant, then it is better to say that Allaah is not shy to speak the truth. Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (37/25)
No doubt sister, one must ask in order to educate themselves. However let me ask you and everyone else who deem it acceptable for men and women together to speak about such explicit matters, if you knew the messenger of Allaah sallallahu alayhee wsalam, his wives and companions were reading this, would you dare utter such words like:
“It is not as simple to explain the orgasm in words. It is a strong sexual sensation that sends waves of pleasure from abdominal area to vaginal area, which makes a woman arch her back a bit and perhaps….â€
I feel disgusted just copying and pasting this. How about if your father and brother were reading this? Don’t you feel ashamed writing something like that when you know men are reading what you write, and possibly curious teenage boys? Don’t you think men are getting excited over this? I’m sorry for being so explicit, but this is just porn covered with an Islamic label. And if you don’t think this had any effect on men who read this, you don’t understand a mans desire.
And to the brothers, if you knew the messenger of Allaah sallallhu alayhee wsalam, his wives and companions were reading this, would you dare utter such words like:
In response, I just wanted to share my experience. There was a time when I was unmarried, in college(with fitna EVERYWHERE especially during summer sessions), and abstaining from masturbation…these 3 factors increased the frequency of my wet dreams to at times 3 times a night…
How about if your mother and sister were reading this?
I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind saying yes. So how about when Allaah, Who sees everything including what’s in our hearts, is Watching. Or the angels who are with you recording everything you do to be questioned on the Day of judgement?
Don’t you see that it was sufficient enough for Umm Sulaym and Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with them both) to stop where they did? They asked with the utmost modesty with Umm Sulaym beginning with “Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth†and Umm Salamah covering her face when asking RasoolAllaah sallallhu alayhee wsalam, who was her husband, her brief question?? They didn’t mix around with men and women together discussing what it feels like for a woman and what it feels like for a man, Aoudhubillah.
I wonder how many people who discuss these matters openly, disguised with an Islamic label of “seeking knowledge of utmost importance†know what the different types of Tawheed and shirk are?
And your right, many sisters are ignorant of these issues because they don’t bothering looking properly. I advise all of the brothers and sisters reading this, if you have a question, go to islamqaDOTcom and type in keywords of your question, 9 times out of 10, you will find your answer insha’Allaah. If not send them an email. If you can’t wait for them to reply, ring into IslamQA on Islam Channel at 8pm almost every day, if not every day, and ask there. If you are too shy, ask the sheikh to contact you after the show so you can ask in private and they will inshaAllaah.
Someone please correct me for anything I’ve said wrong. May Allaah have mercy on us, grant us Haya and guide us to what’s most pleasing to Him. Ameen. Salaam.
A message for the admin:
My previous post did not show up after awaiting its moderation. If it was deleted, please do not delete this response. If you are following what’s right, don’t fear the blame of the blamers and correct me.
sisterc
July 27, 2012 at 4:30 AM
thats why people are asking anonymously, some sisters wh have wet dreams could be in distress and too shy to ask anyone thats why we need posts like this educateing sisters so that it doesnt become taboo
Dalia
September 18, 2012 at 1:31 PM
All you brothers who have a problem with this article, or the details in it, WHY are you guys reading it then, why have u CLICKED on something that says “female wet dreams” it does not concern you guys so, the author can post whatever she likes!!! Whatever the details it’s to do with us women! And some women need a detailed answer!
Hena
June 10, 2011 at 11:14 AM
Brother,
Do not feel offended as you may be aware that there are very few websites which cater to the issues of female unlike men as most of the scholars are men and there are very few female scholars.
If a female asks these types of questions which affects her prayers then i do not think she should abstain from asking since i agree with the sister that there is no shyness in religion and one should ask if in doubt.
Dean
June 10, 2011 at 1:46 PM
Sister Hena, jazakullah khair for your response. I’m assuming you didn’t read my full post.
You said:
Do not feel offended as you may be aware that there are very few websites which cater to the issues of female unlike men as most of the scholars are men and there are very few female scholars.
Your right. There are very few female scholars that we know of. So when there isn’t a female scholar, you go to male scholars. Not a forum with men and women together discussing their irrelevant personal experiences. Hence why wrote this in my last post:
And your right, many sisters are ignorant of these issues because they don’t bothering looking properly. I advise all of the brothers and sisters reading this, if you have a question, go to islamqaDOTcom and type in keywords of your question, 9 times out of 10, you will find your answer insha’Allaah. If not send them an email. If you can’t wait for them to reply, ring into IslamQA on Islam Channel at 8pm almost every day, if not every day, and ask there. If you are too shy, ask the sheikh to contact you after the show so you can ask in private and they will inshaAllaah.
You said:
“i agree with the sister that there is no shyness in religion and one should ask if in doubt”
How can you agree with someones opinion over RasoolAllaah sallallhu alayhee wsalam? I wrote in my last post:
“With regards to your statement “there is no haya’ in issues concerning the deenâ€,
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:…The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shyness is part of faith.†So shyness in religion is part of faith, but when someone says “There is no shyness in religion,†what he means is that there is no shyness in matters of religion, i.e., in asking about something concerning which one may feel shy. If this is what is meant, then it is better to say that Allaah is not shy to speak the truth. Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (37/25)” .
Sister, don’t misunderstand this to mean there should be no shyness when asking about religious matters. Rather, shyness is a part of faith, however it should not prevent you from asking. Rather, modesty should be maintained when askin. (Please read the hadith posted in my last post to see the modesty Umm Sulaym and Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with them both) had when asking).
And sister, please don’t use ” sisters need to ask about things affecting their salah” and “one must ask when in doubt” to discuss about perverted things that come under written porn in a mixed forum and under and islamic label. How does knowing what it feels like to have a orgasm affect your salah? Everything thats relevant to know was in that hadith. If things need to be explained to you in detail or Anything else that worries you Go ask a real scholar with haya.
And to the one who said:
“I want to mention that I was amazed at the level of shyness sisters feel in asking questions”
then shame on you.
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Sister2010
June 19, 2011 at 12:40 PM
What if a person is asleep but knows they are using their hands to touch themselves in that area, but they are half asleep half awake, but they can still feel it? I have never had a wet dream but this has happened to me alot, and i dont know if it counts as masturbation.
Syed
July 25, 2012 at 5:29 PM
If u can recall it and are half awake it counts as masturbation
explainplease
February 11, 2012 at 8:15 PM
” It is not allowed at that point to use one’s own hands or any
instrument to insert or rub vaginal area to reach orgasm and feel
satisfied”. but why not? I dont understand!!!! somebody explain. doesnt make sense to me
Rukia
June 11, 2012 at 11:11 AM
ur not aloud to consciously masturbate period
Said maicon
February 13, 2012 at 8:03 AM
erotic dreams while being awake and it leeds to sperm is it zina or halal
United_we_stand99
February 14, 2012 at 5:20 PM
Assalamu alaikum
I am sorry for late response but just came across this article masAllah!
Can we summarise as follows therefore:
Do ghusl if:-You remember having a wet dream WITH orgasm (even if you dont SEE extra wetness). Yaqeen or very strong presumption of wet dream which must include an orgasm.-Extra vaginal discharge but no wet dream/sexual dream or doubts about dream (you dont remember clearly experiencing orgasm) – ghusl not required
Sunya_sayeed
February 15, 2012 at 3:39 AM
I am confused, i had a weird dream and I don’t remember if it was a wet dream or not…Basically i woke up for isha, I felt wetness but I thought it must be vaginal discharge, then I slept again, woke up for fajr and prayed fajr and then i was sitting staring at the clock that i remembered my dream, i didn’t like it, I was not a good Muslim and everything it felt wrong, I wannit time to come back and I was going to tell my best friend about it but the exact nature of dream i kept on recalling and regretting..It had something to do with my lack of imaan i was worried about to the point things went out of hand.and I dun remember if I had this dream before or after isha, like i dun remember if it was followed by vaginal discharge, i can’t recall anything much clearly apart from the fact there was something, some part of it which was disturbing and I didn’t like it, it wasn’t satisfying for me..I dunno if this counts as a wet dream or am I again under influence of waswas which i am constantly…Please help me here…I am so confused, i m tired and exhausted, feel flewish, with my throat filled with mucus type feeling, i dunno wat to do, my mom has never informed me of wet dreams or anything, i read this stuff myself about taharah…
Joyabbim
March 17, 2012 at 9:03 AM
when waking up and finding discharge: I know the article says if there isn’t certainty, no ghusl is necessary but can the discharge be from sexual excitement even if we can’t remember the dream? Can I safely assume that the discharge is just regular and does not fall under the ruling of discharge from sexual arousal?
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 4:04 AM
there is a difference between sexual excitement and orgasm.
Discharge after sexual excitement doesn’t necessitate ghusal…but orgasm does…
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anonymous
July 31, 2012 at 7:50 AM
I have a question. So i never physically rubbed my vagina or insert something in, to get an orgasm or feel satisfied but i have cupped my vagina and tightened my legs between my hands and thought of sexual thoughts while awake. is that considered masturbation even if i never rubbed or inserted anything into my vagina.
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 4:02 AM
if that action made you feel sexually satisfied, then most likely you did have an orgasm…and it was mastrubation.
a woman can have an orgasm without any vaginal insertion
valentina
August 15, 2012 at 2:05 PM
can someone please answer my question ? i have had an orgasm while sleeping and im not sure if i saw discharge or not but any way i prayed the next day without ghusl and i certainly did not know that i have to ghusl before i pray so what i want to know is , will god accept my prayer ? please i need an answer ASAP
Taz
August 22, 2012 at 8:51 AM
If you have a sexual dream without an orgasm do you have to do your ghusl again?
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:58 AM
As far as I know, no.
Allah knows best
sensible
August 22, 2012 at 9:50 PM
My friend concentrates the shower on her stomach just above her sura she feels gd and has initial vaginal throbbing but stops before any orgasm or ejaculation she stopped masturbating once i explained that its haram and is wondering wether this is too if it is she promised shhe will stop but is reluctant to do so yet coz she heard people could get orgasms through a workout so y cnt she arouse herself through the shower if it feels gd plz reply wether its haram or nt thank u
answer :)
August 28, 2012 at 2:44 PM
Asalam o alikum,
I had a wet dream and i felt orgasm but when i woke up i did not felt wet. So is it necessary to do ghusal?? and the other thing is if a girl watching a movie or any romantic video cause her orgasm but she don’t feel wet. what should she do?
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:54 AM
If you had an orgasm, you should make ghusal…
atiqa
December 5, 2012 at 2:24 AM
Assalamualaikum Sister, do i have to take ghusl if I have wetness that is caused by arousal ? I am confused since being aroused and having an orgasm are 2 different things. Also because i know it is compulsory to make ghusl for the latter.I hope you can help clarify this problem.Thank u.
Wassalam
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:53 AM
wa alaikum assalam…
you don’t t need to make ghusal from the arousal…but if the wetness is followed by an orgasm then ghusal is compulsory…Allah knows best
gul
January 3, 2013 at 1:24 AM
okay after reading this article entirely and everything i seriously got to know alot of things, i my self get in to alot of troubles because seriously i too my self feel shy talking to my mom even.
Umm Reem Jazak’Allah for guiding us all. May Allah bless you…
I have 2 3 questions which you have already discussed before but due to some different situations i have been confused getting a correct answer…
my first question is..
1. In masturbation a women has to ghusl? I know this is haram but is she has to ghusl?
2. I seriously havent heard this word “orgasm” before, i read your entire article and some how i understood that it means that after a wet dream if you feel tickling or what can we say a satisfied feeling after touching your private parts.. that is orgasm? and we have to wadu in this situation?
3. Even having thought like hugging your future husband and all is also haram? And if there is white discharge we have to take ghusl?
4. Is it necessary to wear an under wear since we all women have white discharge in our everyday lives.. but is it necessary? some one told me that in regular white discharge wadu can still be done it is not naa paak.
5. I take shower like this when i have to get paak.. i do my wadu like washing hands, washing mouth 3 times, nose then face hands till elbow then head clean ears neck then directly go under the shower wash entire body with soap or shower gel and in the end wash feets… (is this right?) what if i first wash my entire body with soap and shampoo and then do the wadhu?
6. When waking up from wet dream, do we immediately have to take shower?
7. This question you have already explained but due to continuous small changing in it i am getting more confused… If i dont get a wet dream i am sure of it not even a thought of it… but still i get a white discharge in washroom.. then it is all okay right? and we dont have to ghusl…
8. Sometimes it is hard to remove such thoughts from your mind… So if we say ASTAGFURALLAH… we will seek forgiveness from Allah right?
I know there are a lot of questions from my side, but i really want to discuss these, Thank You for the consideration
Jazak’Allah!!
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:52 AM
1. yes she does…
2. I believe so. And no after such a “satisfied feeling” one has to make ghusal
3. No its not haram, and Allah knows best. If the discharge is followed by orgasm, then ghusal. If it is only from sexual excitement then wudu should suffice.
4. I think it is a matter of personal choice…From what I’ve gathered, in East women don’t regularly wear undergarments, but in West it is an unknown concept not to wear one…
5. making wudu before the rest of the shower is from the sunnah
6. The sooner the better…but definitely before praying or any other acts of worship
7. right..
8. inshaAllah
wa iyyaki…
Salamah
September 1, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Salam
I know I’m come quite late here.Thanks for the informative article but I need few things to be cleared.
1.If a person constantly has sexual thoughts which she tries to avoid all the time but see no discharge at all will that break her wudhu?
2.Is the female semen yellow and thin?if so then does if she sees such discharge without remebering any orgasm both during the day or after sleeping will the ghusl be invalid?
3.WHAT is the ruling over discharge secreted without sexual passion like that by cold or diseaseh
thanks
gul
January 3, 2013 at 1:43 AM
one more question what if we see masturbation in a dream is ghusl valid there?
muslima
January 6, 2013 at 6:00 PM
Um Reem, Is masturbation haraam? Even with your spouse
as part of foreplay?
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:40 AM
as far as I know, no….
and Allah knows best…
Muslim
January 7, 2013 at 2:06 AM
i am sort of confused… it is actually a huge problem if we get such things in our dream and have to take a shower on daly basis especially in Pakistan’s chilling weather. I have followed your points Umm Reem… at night i make a dua before going to bed and while waiting for sleep i read tasbeeh of AstagfurAllah… still yesterday night i saw a dream of a man there was no such thing in but as the dream continued and i feel a bit of pushing in my vaginal area i opened my eyes…. Right now i am thinking that the dream didnt have any theory which you have explained before and that the theory was about to start and i opened my eyes to just finish it. Right now there is no extra discharge even…. still do i have to take a shower? Its so cold here more over i am getting symptoms of flu… its hard to take shower daily… i really need proper guidance…
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:39 AM
If you didn’t have an orgasm, you don’t need to take a shower…an Allah knows best…
asister
January 7, 2013 at 6:37 PM
salamualikum. this is going to be extremely weird question but i need answer. what is a girl touched herself didn’t know it was masterbatiion until recently. and only washed her area and made wudu. like she didnt know it was bad to touch self and stuff. for real long time. and prayed and didnt know. but recently stoped after finding out. what happens then to the prayers???.
Ilm
February 23, 2013 at 3:36 AM
Umm Reem, As-Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. I am very surprised that questions on masturbation have been ignored and not answered. A lot of men and women are in a dilemma on this issue,especially those that are in situations beyond their control. For instance, married brothers and sisters who for a reason or the other are not together temporarily. I will appreciate a response looking at this issue of masturbation from all angles, including the Islamic principle of choosing the lower of 2 evils. For a lot of God fearing Muslims out there in different circumstances, this issue should be looked at in depth with proofs backing up the most authentic opinion. I look forward to your candid and in-depth opinion.
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:34 AM
I think I did post the 3 positions on mastrubation…
1. It is haram unconditionality
2. It is allowed if it will keep a person from falling into greater sin
3. It is allowed unconditionally…(Imam Ahmad’s opinion who regarded maturation as cleaning one’s nose)
Although both position 2 & 3 makes it very clear that it must be done without involving anything haram, like the usage of porn etc.
InshaAllah I will post all the proofs and details in a post
g786
February 23, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Asalam u alykum, i had a personal question. I want to know where can we ask personal questions.
sweetgal
April 16, 2013 at 8:44 AM
asak..please let me know about this clearly im much confused. if a women get wet dream in day time and his vagina get wet but she doesnot find any drops of liquid in her inner or pant. does she need to take ghusl or not.. do rply me on my mail also..
Umm Reem
August 14, 2013 at 3:30 AM
if she had an orgasm, she needs to make a ghusal….and Allah knows best…
sarah abdulla
May 20, 2013 at 7:39 AM
Asalamu aliekum,
Sister after I prayer fajr I needed to use the rest room but I ignored it because I wanted to sleep with my wudu. I then Had a dream of a sexual nature which does not involve me and I woke up with not an orgasm but with vignal throbbing I did not feel any wetness but I got up to use the restroom after answering the call of nature I washed myself. When I went back to bed I felt discharge do you think this discharge could be a result from the dream?? and should I make gushul
Barak allah feeq
Umm Reem
May 21, 2013 at 10:25 AM
wa alaikum assalam,
if you didn’t have an orgasm, you don’t need to make ghusal. As for the discharge, it could be from the dream but not from the orgasm. So you just wash yourself up and make wudu, but no need to make ghusal…And Allah knows best…
Anonymous
May 21, 2019 at 10:20 AM
I know this was posted like nearly ten years ago and I most likely won’t get a reply but I can’t find the answer to my question elsewhere, so..
Qn 1; does rape, sexual abuse, ambiguous consent, just kissing in your dreams count as a wet dream?
Qn 2; if in your dream you never reached climax but there had been some amount of discharge when you woke up – does this require ghusl?
If there was no discharge does it require ghusl?
(And I read here that if you are uncertain there is no need for ghusl right)
Jazakallahu khairan
Spot
July 27, 2013 at 12:44 PM
I had an orgasm from a sex dream during Ramadan. I can’t be certain if there was any discharge. I just know that I was conscious of it right after it happened. Does this mean that my fast has been broken?
Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi
July 29, 2013 at 8:31 AM
Dreams of a sexual nature do not break the fast regardless of any discharge or not.
Unknown
August 5, 2013 at 10:50 AM
assalamualaykum. If a woman does not remember any sexual dream but wakes up with yellow discharge, is ghusl obligatory?
Umm Reem
August 6, 2013 at 4:14 AM
no
and Allah knows best…
A question for Umm Reem
May 9, 2019 at 3:20 PM
Asalamu Alaikum Umm Reem,
I appreciate you writing this article it helped clarify a lot.
I have no idea on how to contact you, so I am posting this comment hoping that you can help me.
I have a questio. If a woman has a wet dream of herself masturbating and feels aroused(vaginal throbbing) and sees discharge but cannot tell if this discharge is from the dream or the daily discharge women usually have. Does she have to do ghusul?
Thank you so much
Asis
December 8, 2013 at 7:33 AM
Assalamu aleikum,
Thanks for posting this, very helpful! I have a question; I had a (wet)dream where I was sexually aroused. And orgasm was not completely fulfiled, because I stopped it in the dream thinking this is not okay. I the morning when I woke up I saw a spot of discharge on my liner, it had dryed but it looked like a thin and light yellow discharge. I didn’t went to the bathroom before sleeping so it could have been there before I went to sleep but it could have occured during sleep also, I’m not sure. I didn’t smell anything. I do have discharge every day, they vary between white/yellow/thick/thin. I didn’t do a ghusl after this bacause I was not sure. So, should I have done a ghusl or must an orgasm be completely fulfiled?
Very grateful for answer
– Asis
Young muslimah
January 12, 2014 at 8:31 PM
I don’t exactly get what masturbation is…. Can you please clarify?
And is it haram to read romance books that cause you to have sexual thoughts?
Jazakallahkhair
Blueparrot
April 5, 2014 at 5:09 AM
I have a question: if a woman is sure she has had an orgasm in the dream but upon waking has finds no extra wetness or any discharge, does she has to do ghusl?
Abdul Waheed
April 16, 2014 at 12:19 AM
please can you clarify this to me, i frequently have a wet dream like 5 in a week and i was told by someone that it is bad omen, that it is spiritual problem. so can you please tell me something about this because am totally fed up of this. i dont want this to lead me astray. pls urgent response…..
Aly Balagamwala
April 16, 2014 at 2:46 AM
Dear Abdul Waheed
While this post is for females, I will try to answer your question here. Please note I am not qualified Islamically or medically and below is based on my own reading growing up.
Wet dreams are completely natural and are caused by a build up of hormones in the man’s body. Generally it is more common amongst teenagers and frequency reduces as you grow up (and get married giving an alternate release for your hormonal buildup). There is no real way to prevent having wet dreams. While manual masturbation or engaging in sexual activity may decrease the need for someone to release their bodily fluids, individuals may still experience nocturnal emissions while sleeping. Islamic law necessitates a ghusl following such an event and if a wet dream occurs while fasting it does not break the fast.
It is said that certain foods which are considered “hot” can lead to nocturnal emissions. These include shellfish, excessive spice, etc. It is also advised not to drink excessive fluids before going to bed or sleeping on a full stomach. Sleeping position may also affect frequency of these emissions.
Best Regards
-Aly
synam jan
April 21, 2014 at 1:30 PM
i want to ask a question that when i have wet dream i feel some kind of pain in my vagina?? or may be its not pain i can’t explain that what that is. i need to know if i is normal or i need to consult to doctor? secondly i need to ask that i have a problem of lakoria and i cant distinguish between my wetnees n lakoria so in that case i am not sure that wether i get discharge or not due to wet dream so i shud do ghusal or not?
Amatullah
April 29, 2014 at 9:47 AM
Asalamu alaykum Umm Reem
During my sleep i sometimes experience this vaginal throbbing that occurs from a sexual dream i saw. I dont get orgasm but there is a wetness is this a wet dream that I am having and do I need to make ghusl as i experience the throbbing and it wakes me up.
Also after my period I usually get extra discharge white clear liquid and I am not sure if its because my hormones are quite high during this time as it is usually when I have these dreams. So how would I know if the wetness is from the dream or if its my normal discharge?
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Muslimah
June 25, 2014 at 6:12 AM
I wanted to know if you have to do ghusl, if you can’t remember whether you had an orgasm when sleeping or not? I woke up and I could not remember clearly whether I had an orgasm in my dream or whether it was just part of the dream because when I woke up there was literally no discharge and no weird feeling as well. I’m very confused and I read dua every night. Recently, it’s been happening alot, it never used to happen before and I’m 19 so it probably would have happened before if it was to do with puberty but it never did. Any advice would be appreciated.
mustafa
July 3, 2014 at 11:59 PM
I have few questions n I want to know the answers ASAP please. ..
1. Is mastrubation is allowed???
2. Can I sleep in underwear n put blanket on????
3. Is it allowed to know about sex before marriage ??
4. Will ejaculation break my fast ???
I hope to get the authentic answer so I can avoid sin ..
Thank you
Aly Balagamwala
July 4, 2014 at 7:02 AM
Dear Mustafa
Please direct your questions to our ‘What’s the Matter’ section http://www.muslimmatters.org/ask
Aly
Diane
June 20, 2015 at 3:42 AM
Assalamualaikum
your answers are all here http://islamqa.info/en/2571
1: Yes , masturbation is haraam [uncertain for married couples though].
2: [correct me if im wrong ] but i don’t think that’s a problem as long as you’re covered.
3: well , everyone gets to learn it at school [part education] so no so long as you do not do it for it is a haraam act unless you are married.
4: if it is semen yes and you have to make up the fast.
hope this helps
muslima
September 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Initial vaginal throbbing sensation do necessitate gusl ?
Anonymous
March 6, 2015 at 12:48 PM
If I get some discharge from my vagina when I think about sex, do I have to do ghusl after that?
Diane
June 20, 2015 at 3:36 AM
it depends on the wetness
for females
if the discharge is thin and yellow that is maniy [semen] it is pure but you have to perform ghusl for it
if the discharge is thin and white thats madhiy and you do not have to do ghusl just wash yourself and it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it.
confused
March 8, 2015 at 12:00 AM
i had a wet dream. i saw myself imagining about my future husband (whom i never met) and thought about sexual things and orgasmed right there. i was dreaming that i was imagining my future hubby and orgasmed in dream. like a dream in a dream. maybe that doesn’t matters, I’m just confirmed that i had an orgasm But my dream didn’t breaked when i orgasmed and i kept dreaming for quite a long time. when i finally woke up, i remembered having wet dream with orgasm but i didn’t noticed any wetness. could it be that the wetness had dried? or i didn’t had any wetness in the first place? do i need to take ghusl before zohar namaz/salat? or i can pray without having to do ghusl?
Diane
June 20, 2015 at 3:32 AM
it depends on the wetness
for females
if the discharge is thin and yellow that is maniy [semen] it is pure but you have to perform ghusl for it
if the discharge is thin and white thats madhiy and you do not have to do ghusl just wash yourself and it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it.
i hope this helps :)
Anonymous
April 10, 2020 at 4:45 PM
What if the discharge is transparent and more like any other secretion like the ones that comes from nose during flu?
Will ghusal be obligatory after this type of discharge?
asif
March 26, 2015 at 9:14 PM
assalam alaikum dear umm reem
thankyou verymuch for this post.my question is ,for a female, if she had a sexual dream and attained orgasm (involuntary contraction of vaginal muscle with pleasure),but her private area is not extra wet..she has to make ghushal?? and also if she had only orgasm no dream just before she wake up she got orgasm .. with out any vaginal discharge ..she has to make ghushal?
Diane
June 20, 2015 at 3:34 AM
if she sees wetness then yes she should
but when she wakes up and no wetness then thats fine although it’s better to perform ghusl
saami
April 18, 2015 at 8:05 AM
Assalam Alaikum Sister
i am 20 years old girl i want to know that if i saw a wet dreams on my bed
then our bedsheet become dirty or not ? and can i offer my prayer on the same bedsheet ?
Can you please clarify
June 28, 2015 at 10:17 AM
Assalamwalaykum,
If a woman is ovulating and before she went to bed, there was some wetness; when she slept, she had a sexual dream, but she cannot remember if she had an orgasm or not; upon waking she finds wetness.
How can she know if it is the same wetness before sleeping or if she needs ghusl.
Diane
June 30, 2015 at 6:13 PM
in this case its better to perform ghusl since shes uncertain of the wetness
Sisterr
July 5, 2015 at 12:47 PM
Asalam o alaikum
JazakAllah khair for such an informative post. I read your explanation of orgasm and the part where it says when a person wakes up before having an orgasm. Sometimes some sisters get strong rhythmic contractions but they wake up and do not touch that part. Should they then do ghusl? Please let let me know. JazakAllah khair.
azra
July 26, 2015 at 3:38 PM
JazakAllah khair sister.thank u sister for solving my problem.after these dreams i felt very guilty n blamed myself
azra
August 4, 2015 at 8:46 AM
Asalaamualaikum warahmatullah.
Can orgasm happen when we are awake?
clear it
August 4, 2015 at 9:00 AM
Asalaamualaikum warahmatullah.
Sister i am 21 and i get wet dreams even when i am awake,so is this also one of the kind of wet dream?is it sinful??
Plz resond quickly
asma
September 7, 2015 at 5:42 AM
Assalamulikum
My question is I my dream a man is pinch me near my privat part but I didnt feel any thing
So plz tell me it is a wet dream or not reply me today plz as soon as possible
Jazakallah
noor
October 21, 2015 at 10:20 AM
slam…i have to ask that if a girl sees dream and enjoy and feel vibration like orgasm but doesn’t get wet..does she have to take bath? plz rep as soon as possible…. will b thankful to you…
Lubna
November 25, 2015 at 1:58 PM
Um reem sis Assalamoalikum!! Sis is it necessary to feel the sensation of orgasm as u discussed above if someone see every day and don’t feel anything or don’t remember the sensation of orgasm she should also do ghusl plx answer me!! JAZAKILLAH
Farah
December 7, 2015 at 4:41 PM
If someone had sex with partner night time and morning time before shower get her periods is it necessary to take shower or it’s ok not to take shower?
Roomana
December 17, 2015 at 1:43 PM
Asslaam u alaikum,
What if you feel the strong thrust but did not have the wet dream and no discharge? Do you still have to do ghusl?
confused
January 27, 2016 at 7:51 AM
i want to ask i do not see the typical “wet dream” which you already mentioned (like being involved with some guy) but i felt strong throbbing sensations in my vagina which somehow made me feel little bit good and also i did not notice any wetness after waking up.was that orgasm?is gusl mandatory for me now?
Anonymous
June 8, 2016 at 3:17 PM
Salam!
I am so glad I found this article. It helped me clear up so many confusions that I had regarding this particular issue. I want to ask you something regarding similar subject. My question is “sometimes when one is in a hurry to go somewhere or complete some task before a particular time, if one orgasms involuntary, what is the ruling on that?” I mean is it a sin or not? Stress on INVOLUNTARY. I know for sure that I can’t be the only one experiencing this. I googled it and got sooo much useful information but since I am a Muslim I cannot rely on western information. I need to know this from a Muslim. And also this only happens rarely and totally uncontrollably.
Jazak Allah
Anonymous
June 14, 2016 at 12:23 AM
Assalmualaikum…how about when you think about sex you get a vaginal discharge….does that need ghusl
Anonymous
June 14, 2016 at 5:02 PM
If a young lady constantly think about sex while fasting does that break her fast?
Pingback: Parenting Series | Part VIII: Sexual Activities Beyond the “Norm” – What Should We Teach Our Teens | The Sex In Islam
Zainab
August 4, 2016 at 11:20 AM
Assalamu alaikum
I have an urgent question which I have been trying to search,however, could not find the answer.
I am currently doing hifdh, I still do my hifdh whilst I am on my menstraul cycle otherwise I forget what I have Learnt or it’s hard for me to go back into the habit of doing it. Last night I had a wet dream whilst I was on my menstraul cycle, I knew I had it because of the feeling. Now I am not sure what to do due to the Hadith that a Junub person cannot recite the Quran. If I have shower, will the get rid of the impure state from the wet dream even though I am on my menstraul cycle? Or should I wait till my menstraul cycle finishes then have have shower to get rid of the state?
Sadia
August 27, 2016 at 11:22 AM
Assalam o Alaikum!
i am a teen ager!!
honestly saying
suffering from such situations……. this article really helped me alot
but confused……….. why this happen so intensely …. i am in condition… that i feel my self as a patient
Wajia
September 7, 2016 at 2:32 AM
Can you kindly elaborate this ahadeth that if a woman, donkey and black dog passes in front of you your prayers are anulled?
If black dog represents shaytan, does this mean that in islam woman is considered as satin? Is she equal to a donkey and dog ?? Is she considered so low and evil? I am a bit hurt and shocked.
Haleemah Yahaya
October 16, 2016 at 1:07 AM
Assalamu Alaikum,
My question is she dreamt she had a sexual intercourse and also in the same dream she took her gusl,what should she do when she wakes up and finds out it was just a dream?
Zahra
March 12, 2017 at 1:30 PM
Sister thank u so much for clearing that stuff up for me but in one the hadeeths or quranic verse it says that having wet dreams is a sign of puberty and I haven’t hit puberty yet I’m 13 so does that mean that it is fardh for me to start praying on time etc
Zainab Khan
May 19, 2017 at 9:59 PM
Hello. I had a wet dream but I woke up seconds before my orgasm. I woke up just as it was happening. I felt my whole body shudder and tense as I moaned and orgasmed right there, sitting up in my bed. When I checked afterwards, I discovered I’d left a large wet spot. What am I to do? My sister who is only 16 woke up too from my moaning and saw me orgasm; it is very embaressing. What can I do?
zuhra
February 10, 2018 at 4:55 PM
discharge after a wet dream is involuntary act. but when you are awake and involuntarily a sexual thought comes across your mind and we get aroused and colorless liquid is experienced are we accountable for that too? please clarify . i am confused about this.
sam
April 15, 2018 at 7:39 AM
Salam Alykum Warihmutullahi Wabarakatuhu. I would like to ask a question. it is incredibly embarrassing as im an adult and not a teenager even. I have never experienced wet dreams as a teenage girl. I did briefly when i fell in love with my now husband when i was 19 years old. We got married. I have always been smaller and shorter compared to other girls growing up, slower in getting menstrual cycle etc and just generally age and grow slower compared to people my age. im 23 and people commonly mistake me for someone 14 to 18 years old . I have also had a baby through c section as i couldn’t labor him. My main question is something im experiencing lately. Im too embarrassed to tell any women folk i know even or discuss it with them. My husband is not living with me for short period of time so of course i haven’t been intimate. I would experience proper wet dreams last few months for the first times and wake up and researched into it a bit and do ghusul. Last week my desires have been so bad and to control myself is very difficult. I keep ignoring it all and try to live my life normally. For almost a week now it randomly started at 11pm at night whilst being awake i would feel sexually aroused uncontrollably even if nothing comes to mind of that nature. it continued untill 7 am the next day. I told my husband and he thinks it may be an infection. i have reasearched and had an infection after having my baby in the past so can rule out for myself its not an infection despite what he thinks. For me its the same stuff that comes out a woman when arroused. Im not even aroused half the time but i have a strong urge to be intimate at times. Just when i thought it had stopped it continues again. some hours it stops and some hours it happens again. I feel so tired and exhausted and drained. plus i have to look after my 2 yr old during the day. i dont know why its happening like this uncontrollably for a whole week now and i dont know weather to go to doctors or what to do. im hoping it will stop soon. I dont understand it and wanted to know if its normal? I dont want to go to doctors for them to ask me when was the last time i was intimate then when they realise what it is. I dont see what they can do about it. It would be embarassing to do it as i know myself what it is. My only problem is its not stopping and physically draining me. Is this normal thing to happen to women when they are use to being intimate and arent for months on end. Maybe an older woman reading this would know? I dont even want to tell my own mother about it or ask if its normal. I have a fear of everyone laughing at me. even the doctors. I know what discharge is and it happens sometimes and i know the difference obviously. Is there anything on this in Islam. I just feel very fustrated/ angry/ emotional/ crying/ hormonal all at once and my monthly cycle is a week late aswell. Is there any islamic advice on this. whats wrong with me?.
Anonymous
May 27, 2018 at 7:58 PM
I did have had wet dreams but never did i do ghusl as I didn’t know about it… is my ibadah accepted? I feel terrible knowing the fact that one has to perform ghusl if one sees a wet dream. I am ashamed but I did not have knowledge that i am supposed to do ghusl…please do reply
anonymous
March 9, 2019 at 4:01 AM
Asalam o alaikum. I’m of 19 years old and not getting periods from last 2 months. ..it’s been few days that I’ve noticed I’m getting wet dreams…I’m also a med student but am totally confused bout what shariah have for it…should we’ve to do ghusl?
Fiza khan
October 21, 2019 at 3:00 PM
I saw a wet dream but I wasn’t doing anything wrong in my dream. But I still had discharge in the morning, do I still have to do ghusl?
S
December 10, 2019 at 7:18 AM
What if a female is sure she had a wet dream and had vaginal theobbing and sexual arousing but did not reach the point of having an orgasm. There is discharge from the arousal but she is certain there was no orgasm. Does she still have to take a gusl if she had a wet dream with arousal and throbbing but no orgasm ?
Sm
May 23, 2020 at 6:03 AM
I’ve been wondering the same thing. I just went to leave my reply here so i can see if there is an update to ur inquiry. I wish i could help u but I’m too embarrassed to ask.
Amina Yahaya
January 29, 2021 at 12:11 AM
If a woman dreamt of having had sexual intimacy with her husband in her sleep and even experienced orgasm in the dream,should she perform ghusl?
annonymous
February 25, 2021 at 10:57 AM
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
I know this was posted almost 10 yrs ago so most likely my question wont be answered but…
1. What is porn?
2. At what age do wet dreams usually start?
3. If you have a wet dream when you are fasting and you notice discharge, does it break fast?
4. (Followed by question2) If the age is above 12, would it be abnormal if you had wet dreams at
the age of 12?
– Thank you
J
April 17, 2021 at 5:01 AM
Assalamu alaikum
I’m an unmarried female who don’t know about wet dream. However one day I woke up feeling sexually aroused and then I checked it up online and saw that it was wet dream. But my problem is I don’t know the characteristic of maniy do I’m not sure if I discharged it or not. Then I used to ignore it and continue praying however when I do ghusl for menstruation, I make two intention for the ghusl. But recently, precisely some few days to ramadan, I was watching a movie then I felt something, I’m not sure what it was and when I check my private part I saw a white discharge, I was not sure if it was maniy or not and I wanted to ignore it because I know if I’m sexually excited I see a sticky fluid which is madhiy and I read that for you to reach orgasm you have to be sexually excited and reach the climax of sexual excitation before orgasm can occur. That was why I wanted to ignore it but I was like what if it was maniy and since ramadan is coming that I will fast in a state of being junub so I decided to just do the ghusl but since then till now I have been very disturbed about the emission of maniy. When I feel something I think it’s orgasm and since I’m not sure of the characteristics of maniy, I will think any discharge I see is maniy.
Sometime while scrolling through the social media I might see a picture and felt something and then my doubt begin on if it’s maniy or not. Some days ago I think I had a wet dream but I was not sure because all the wet dream I use to wake up feeling aroused and sometime I remember the dream but this particular one I dreamt only of a male coming into a room with a group of people and then I woke up so the doubt begins again.
Yesterday night, I had thought about having a wet dream before I slept but when I woke up I think that I had a wet dream but I can’t remember the dream but I know I felt somehow and I feel my leg was weak but I was having doubt if it was due to wet dream or because I was startled by the alarm that woke me up.
When I checked during sahur I saw a dried yellow discharge on my underwear however it could have been normal vagina discharge has the last time I did istinja was during maghrib but I smelled the discharge and I think i got a scent of egg white though I think that’s how my discharge smells normally but I was not sure so I did ghusl. However after subh to day while scrolling through the social media I was feeling some kind and then I will ask my self that is this orgasm? And that I don’t think this is the pleasure people who had orgasm talked about so I ignored such feelings. It came multiple times during that period but I ignored them but after a few minutes I fell asleep now I woke up thinking I had a wet dream although I can’t remember the dream but I think I felt somehow while sleeping that led to me asking myself if what I felt can be compared to orgasm or not but I remember the dream I had prior to waking up was nothing sexual in nature. I think it was about me catching a theif or something. But I was still thinking it’s wet dream so I went to the toilet to check. I didn’t see any specific discharge on my underwear so I placed my hand in my private part and I felt wetness. Please note that it was not wetness of madhiy because it was not sticky or anything. However it was more like sweat or wetness left after istinja. Im not sure I tried rubbing my index finger and thumb together to feel it’s texture and it felt somehow on my finger. I tried smelling it too but I don’t think I detect any smell from it has I’m not even what kind of smell I’m searching for. I can’t smell my underwear as it was the same one I wore when I had the wet dream before suhoor.
Please what I want to know is
1. Does female maniy gushes out too? Can it come out in small quantity asin that it’s won’t get to the underwear but just the private part?
2. I read that the female maniy maybe white sometimes. But I’m confused if the white they describe is clear like that of madhiy or white asin some vagina discharge?
3. Can you please describe orgasm in a way I can understand? I read your description but I’m still not convinced. How do I know if what I’m feeling is pleasure or not?
4. Also as for my doubt on having wet dream I want to ignore it as I feel if I should perform ghusl, same thing might happen again tommorow. If ignore it in this case and then it turns out it’s maniy will my fast and solah be affected?
Zunaira
December 11, 2021 at 12:36 PM
I have OCD and doubts if I have a wet dream, I didnt see any man in my dream or any such just saw a rubbing of sorts in my parts. I wake up and i feel little extra virginal discharge but read somewhere that if the fluid is not excessive, excessive meaning on clothing as such, then GHUSL is not mandatory. I am not sure if the fluid is mainly or math I either as it was a clear type fluid and not exactly thick almost like a normal discharge.
Jazak Allah
Afroza
May 9, 2022 at 6:18 PM
Kindly mention the hadees number
Anonymous
November 13, 2022 at 1:21 AM
Assalam O Alaikum can waking up while sexual arousal in sleep without orgasm need gusal?
Anonymous
May 31, 2023 at 1:09 AM
What if a woman experiences an orgasm because of such a dream but without discharge. Does this require ghusl?
Hgfjj
December 24, 2023 at 9:56 AM
Assalamualaikum sister
What if a woman sees a wet dream but usually never has extra vaginal discharge upon orgasm ? Does she require ghusl?
Keren
December 27, 2023 at 7:25 AM
I’ve seen quite a few people hoping that this article is what women or girls see when they search this topic, so I thought this comment would be reassuring. Nearly 14 years after the publication of this article, it’s the first thing that cake up when I searched the Islamic rulings on wet dreams. It was reassuring to say the least, thank you so much for writing it.
Shaista Maqbool
January 25, 2024 at 12:07 PM
Assalaamu alaikum,
As a teacher (female teacherer) of Islamic fiqh, I’m shocked at Sh.Yasir Qadhi’s saying there it is rare to find this little detail in the fiqh books. Not true at all! I wrote this response to female/male wet dreams years ago and ALL of the detail – and there’s more that I didn’t include – is taken from traditional fiqh texts:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/rules-regarding-ghusl-and-wet-dreams-for-men-and-women/
The only other thing I would add to this answer is that if a woman had a wetdream and was CERTAIN ie without a doubt that the wetness is from vaginal discharge and not mani, then, she wouldn’t have to take a ghusl. But it can be tricky to be a hundred percent sure as the consistency/characteristic of vaginal discharge can often be similar to mani (discharge from orgasm); so it is safer to do ghusl.
You don’t need a man answering female wetdreams questions for a woman, you need qualified women teachers for that.
Shaista Maqbool
Fatimah
March 24, 2024 at 1:28 AM
assalam alaikum dear sister
thankyou verymuch for this post.my question is ,for a female, if she had a sexual dream and attained orgasm (involuntary contraction of vaginal muscle with pleasure),but her private area is not extra wet..she has to make ghushal??
This happens to me so much in ramadhaan
Rani
April 25, 2024 at 7:56 PM
If we had a sort of wet dream that lead to some sort of orgasm but it did not lead to any vaginal discharge. Do we still have to take ghusl?