Humor
Job Opportunity Awaits You…
This is hilarious.
Nevertheless, we all know the reward of being a parent and the struggles we have to go through, may Allah purify our intentions and accept it from all of us.
Enjoy while you have this job!
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PARENT– Job Description
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!
Source: An Ann Landers column “Parenthood is not a job for the weak at heart”
Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah
Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.
The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.
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Dustin
June 18, 2009 at 12:06 PM
I love the wages and compensation section.
bintwadee3
June 18, 2009 at 1:30 PM
Masha’Allaah, a nice read. I would appreciate my parents so much right now… if they weren’t going through the hate and embarrassment stage. LOL just kidding.
May Allaah grant them both AlFirdows Al A3laa. Ameen. And their children too because it would make them happy. Ameen. And all the writers for MM because it would make their children happy. And the muslimeen and muslimaat, mu’mineen and mu’minaat, the living and deceased. Allahumma Ameen.
Amatullah
June 18, 2009 at 1:40 PM
aw mashaAllah that was nice :) I recently visited my friend in the hospital who had a baby and she hadn’t slept in 3 days since the delivery, looked like a wreck, she was completely swollen (her feet looked like boxes) and she couldn’t even sit comfortably…yet she was in the best spirits, happy and all she could talk about was her new baby. SubhanAllah, really made me think of how we don’t appreciate our mothers…None of us remember this time so we have no clue what they went through.
^Ameen to your duaa sister.
Yasir Qadhi
June 18, 2009 at 3:13 PM
Umm Reem,
Great find! I think you should also ‘Islamify’ this (for ex., amongst the benefits is leaving sadaqa jariya after you die…)
Zainab (AnonyMouse)
June 18, 2009 at 3:16 PM
My mum stuck this up on our fridge – it’s originally from an Ann Landers column :)
UmmeAmmaarah
June 18, 2009 at 3:28 PM
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
“******so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you*****” :D
only a parent could want that….. Aameen, thumma aameen to all those du’as… may Allah Ta’Ala make us all better parents and sadqa-e-jariya for our parents.
NahyanInc
June 18, 2009 at 5:22 PM
This is so funny:
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
May Allah reward our parents immensely. Ameen.
Anon
June 18, 2009 at 7:36 PM
You know the thing? This is a contractual agreement- they know what they’re getting into.
monkeynursemd
June 18, 2009 at 8:02 PM
one day my sister just about had it with her children. she calls my mom and asks her, “how’d you do it?”
we truly don’t understand the difficulties and joys of parenting until we have our own.
sure the pay is horrible here. but actually, it’s more like a 401k or social security. we deposit for years and year and then can retrieve it on the other side.
Ibn Masood
June 18, 2009 at 10:38 PM
SubhanAllah lol… may Allah swt reward our mothers and spread His mercy over them.
ameera
June 19, 2009 at 12:02 AM
Haha beautiful!
My Lord! Bestow on them (my parents) Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.(AL-ISRA: 24)
O our Lord! Grant me tawfeeq (Your special help) to thank You for all the Bounties which You have Bestowed upon me and my parents, and (Help me) do deeds that may win Your favour. And make my offspring righteous as well. Indeed, I seek Your Forgiveness. And indeed I am one of the Muslims (those who submit to Your Will). (AL-AHKAAF: 15)
Our Rabb! protect me and my parents and the Believers — on the day when the reckoning is set up. (SURAH IBRAHIM :41)
Sadaf
June 19, 2009 at 1:34 AM
“Responsibilities” section missed one thing:
– Must be deft at cleaning excreta off any kind of clothes, mattress, cushions, sofas, floor or carpet without making a face or grumbling – as other so-called adorers turn away or leave the room with their noses scrunched up in disgust. For this purpose, the candidate must develop an immunity to poop, liquid excretion, spit-up food, nose emissions, vomit, and their smell, even if it gets on self.
This is required for a minimum of three years per ward. :-)
I can’t believe I’ve been cleaning these natural body secretions for the past 4 years, non-stop! And I have just two kids…
Atif
June 19, 2009 at 12:14 PM
assalamu’alaykum
My mother (may Allah preserve her) has taken on roles not listed or required in the above job description. Of these roles is homeopathic practitioner.
On other note, subhanAllah, regardless of how tough the job description sounds, it is such a desired position that people of mankind have even committed acts of shirk to attain it.
Mike
July 22, 2009 at 11:57 PM
When you think about was this post not taken by Allah. Allah ensures our happiness and safety. Allah rewards us for listening, and punishes us when we do bad. Allah has known us from our birth onward. Allah created us, and loves us unconditionally. And the funny part is, Allah’s a perfect match! Even the wages part.
hmmm
June 20, 2009 at 2:04 AM
hmmm….. I am now scared of becoming a parent… Why take so much trouble……
J
April 22, 2011 at 3:59 PM
I’ve felt the same way for a while now. :/ Except that I know children are worth all the effort, but the fear of messing up and being a failure and potentially ruining an innocent child’s life scares me.
Anyways, that was hilarious and sweet. I loved this part: this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Umm Fulaanah
June 20, 2009 at 4:47 PM
But looking on the bright side… No body will ever say…”Sorry, we just gave that position to another applier!”
So cute maasha-allaah…
Algebra
June 20, 2009 at 9:38 PM
Aslamu-alaikum:
Oh I love this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ummaasiyah
September 7, 2009 at 6:23 PM
Hilarious! :D
This post made me realise how much joy there is in parenthood…and how much our parents have sacrificed for us with our mothers being 100% givers and our fathers playing Superman/Bank of Dad at the drop of a hat. It’s a real challenge, but so rewarding at the end of it…
Holly Garza
September 19, 2009 at 10:37 AM
awww mashaAllah so true
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Ahmed
November 4, 2009 at 2:47 PM
Aslamu Alaykom Umm Reem,
I am a Muslim college student living in California. I read you article “Conversation with the jinn” and I wanted to ask you a personal question. Could it be possible to get your email inshallah.
Jazaki Allahu Khair
Ahmed Khater
Pingback: iTech: Blogging. Islamified. « Muslim Youth Musings
Leila
May 7, 2011 at 12:52 PM
Sorry, but I don’t find this funny at all.
Tom
May 5, 2014 at 4:57 PM
FYI … This column was originally published in 1999 in FLORIDA TODAY, a daily newspaper in Melbourne FL. It was written by Annette Clifford, the paper’s parenting columnist. Also, Ann Landers ran the piece in her column after getting a copy sent to her, sans byline. She subsequently corrected her authorship oversight.If interested, you can buy ANnette’s collection of parenting columns on Amazon.com. They make a great Mother’s Day gift!