Inspiration and Spirituality

Why We Are Tested: The Psychology of Suffering & Misfortune – Part #1

Published

May 15, 2013

The main maqsad or purpose of the human being in this life is to submit to the will and decree of Allah and worship Him from his first breath to his last.

Allah through His immense wisdom and prudence has decreed the people be tried and tested in various ways in order for Him to develop their psyche and to strengthen their character towards that which is pleasing to Him.

Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah

Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Going through suffering makes us normal and draws us closer to Allah. As an Imam I am frequently asked by people who are going through difficulties in life ‘why does Allah give us trials?’

At that point it is always beneficial to not only provide them with the philosophical answers but it is crucial that they receive some sort of counseling.

It is always important for us believers to remind each other of the divine wisdom of calamities and misfortunes in life. Everyone, in various capacities, goes through difficulties in life.

The believer, however, is cognizant of the fact that the trials that he/she encounters are there so that Allah can develop and strengthen his character. They remind us of our limitations as human beings and our complete need of Allah. The consequence of not fully comprehending the divine wisdom of tests, I have observed, is complete denial of the existence of Allah, may Allah save us.

In the next few installments I will be expounding upon a prophetic tradition on this very subject, which is extracted from a lecture I delivered a couple of years ago at an Islamic Institute in London, based on a book called ‘Prophetic Guidance on the Purification of the Soul’ by Dr Sharaf al-Qudat (Jordan).

عن أبي هريرة أنَّ رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال يقول الله تعالى ما لعبدي المؤمن عندي جزاء إذا قبضت صفيَّه من أهل الدُّنيا ثمَّ احتسبه إلا الجنَّة. رواه البخاري

Abu Hurayrah reported: The Messenger of Allah said:

“Allah, the Exalted, says: “I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favorite one from the inhabitants of the world.” (Bukhari)

This Hadith is a Hadith Qudsi which means ‘holy’ or ‘pure’ hadith. A Hadith Qudsi is a hadith in which the Prophet relates to the people what Allah says in its meaning [ma’nan] and its wording [lafdhan], because of His saying: ‘’slave of mine’’, if it was from the Prophet then the wording would have been: ‘’a believing slave’’ as it occurs in the first part of the hadith therefore, this hadith is from Allah, the Most High.

Some people may find this strange. Because if it is Allah’s speech why is it not included in the Qur’an?

The simple answer to this is that the Qur’an is part of Allah’s speech and not His entire speech. For example the previous revealed books i.e. The Torah and the Gospel in their original form were also Allah’s speech but they are not part of the Qur’an. This is also true in the case of hadith Qudsi.

However there are some fundamental differences between the Qur’an and Hadith Qudsi:

The Qur’an is unique and is inimitable in both its word and meaning. However the Hadith Qudsi is not inimitable.
The narration of the Qur’an is ‘Mutawatir’ or consecutive and uninterrupted. This means it has been narrated by a large number of people in every level of the chain such that it is impossible for all of them to make a mistake or error. Not all Hadith Qudsi are Mutawatir there are many that are Ahad meaning the number of people in every level are less than the mutawatir chain. Therefore some of the hadith Qudsi are Sahih, Hasan, Da’if and even Mawdu’.
The Qur’an is recited in the Salah and the mere recitation of the Qur’an is ‘Ibadah. This is not the case with Hadith Qudsi. [al qur’an muta’bbad bitilawatihi].

This hadith reminds us of the divine test which we may encounter in this world:

The test of Allah through misfortunes or calamities.

Why does Allah test us?

What are the wisdoms of misfortunes?

Firstly: Misfortunes and calamities are from the sunan [conventionary practice] of Allah in the universe for which every person is inflicted with, Allah says:

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ ٱلْخَوْفِ وَٱلْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ ٱلأَمَوَالِ وَٱلأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّابِرِينَ

“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere”(2:155)

And He also says:

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُواْ ٱلْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ ٱلَّذِينَ خَلَوْاْ مِن قَبْلِكُم مَّسَّتْهُمُ ٱلْبَأْسَآءُ وَٱلضَّرَّآءُ وَزُلْزِلُواْ حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ ٱلرَّسُولُ وَٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ ٱللَّهِ أَلاۤ إِنَّ نَصْرَ ٱللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ

“Or do you think that you shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: “When (will come) the help of Allah.” Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!” (2:214)

Secondly: The purpose of misfortune and calamity is not necessarily for revenge, punishment or humiliation:

وَأَمَّآ إِذَا مَا ٱبْتَلاَهُ فَقَدَرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقَهُ فَيَقُولُ رَبِّيۤ أَهَانَنِ

“But when He tries him, restricting his subsistence for him, then he says (in despair), “My Lord has humiliated me!” (Fajr:16)

Calamities and misfortunes are often tests from Allah. There is much wisdom in such tests; in fact there is wisdom in everything Allah does. The most prudent are as follows:

1-Establishment of Allah’s proof:

Allah does not reprehend a people unless they, out of their own will and deed, deny the proofs of Allah after it has been made clear to them.

If Allah simply created people without putting then through some test in this life, and then announces to a group among them, ‘enter the Hellfire’ they will respond, ‘O our Lord give us a chance [to do good], command us whatever you wish and we will carry out everything you demand of us’.

If they are not given the opportunity to do good they will feel that they have been wronged. So Allah wants to give them this opportunity to establish the proof upon them. This is despite Allah’s knowledge that the polytheists, on the Day of Judgment, will swear by Allah that they have not associated partners with Him, Allah says, ‘’they will say, by our Lord we have not committed shirk’’

Anas bin Malik said, “We were with the Prophet and he smiled so broadly that his molar could be seen, then he said: “Do you know why I am smiling?

We said, `Allah and His Messenger know best.’

He said: “Because of the way a servant will argue with his Lord on the Day of Resurrection. He will say, “O Lord, will You not protect me from injustice” [Allah] will say, “Of course.” The servant will say, “I will not accept any witness against me except from myself.” [Allah] will say, “Today you will be a sufficient witness against yourself, and the honorable scribes will serve as witnesses against you.” Then his mouth will be sealed, and it will be said to his faculties, “Speak!” So they will speak of what he did. Then he will be permitted to speak, and he will say, “May you be doomed! It was for you that I was fighting.”” [Reported by Muslim and An-Nasa’i]

This is the meaning of Allah, the Most High’s, statement:

الْيَوْمَ نَخْتِمُ عَلَى أَفْوَهِهِمْ وَتُكَلِّمُنَآ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَتَشْهَدُ أَرْجُلُهُمْ بِمَا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ

“This Day, We shall seal up their mouths, andtheir hands will speak to Us, and their legswill bear witness to what they used to earn” (Ya-Sin: 65)

And:

حَتَّى إِذَا مَا جَآءُوهَا شَهِدَ عَلَيْهِمْ سَمْعُهُمْ وَأَبْصَـرُهُمْ وَجُلُودُهُم بِمَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ وَقَالُواْ لِجُلُودِهِمْ لِمَ شَهِدتُّمْ عَلَيْنَا قَالُواْ أَنطَقَنَا اللَّهُ الَّذِى أَنطَقَ كُلَّ شَىْءٍ وَهُوَ خَلَقَكُمْ أَوَّلَ مَرَّةٍ

“Till, when they reach it, their hearing (ears) andtheir eyes and their skins will testify against them asto what they used to do. And they will say to theirskins, “Why do you testify against us?” They will say:“Allah has caused us to speak — as He causes all thingsto speak, and He created you the first time” (Fussilat: 20-21)

All these texts refer to after the slaves have associated partners with Allah and disobeyed Him. How would they be if Allah did not give them the opportunity to repent or do good deeds?

2-Thorough examination (tamhis):

Difficulties unveil the true nature of people by sieving out the good from the bad, the righteous from the wicked and the believer from the hypocrite.

Such thorough examinations are of great benefit for the Muslim community. Allah says, in the verses which speak about the battle of Badr and what the Muslims have obtained in it, clarifying the wisdom of this testing.

مَّا كَانَ ٱللَّهُ لِيَذَرَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَنْتُمْ عَلَيْهِ حَتَّىٰ يَمِيزَ ٱلْخَبِيثَ مِنَ ٱلطَّيِّبِ

“Allah will not leave the believers in the statein which you are now, until He separateswhat is evil from what is good” (Aal-Imran:179)

Difficulties, also, enable you to identify your true friends and helpers from friends of convenience as a poet said:

جزى الله الشدائد كل خير وان كنت تغصصني بريقي

وما شكري لها إلا لأني عرفت بها عدوي من صديقي

“May Allah reward hardship with all good though itstrangles me and makes me breathless. And mygratitude towards it is not for any other reasonexcept that it enabled me to recognise my friend frommy enemy”.

3-Expiation of Sins (Takfir al-Dhunub):

Allah may decide to punish a person for his sin in this world rather than in the hereafter.

There is no doubt that the punishment of this world despite its magnitude is nothing compared to the punishment of the hereafter, however light it is, Allah says:

وَلَعَذَابُ الاٌّخِرَةِ أَكْبَرُ لَوْ كَانُواْ يَعْلَمُونَ

“But truly, the punishment of the Hereafter is greater if they but knew” (Al-Qalam:33)

There are many texts which show that Allah expiates sins of people through inflicting them with some misfortune or calamity. They include:

The hadith of the Prophet in which he said, ‘The believing man and woman will continually be tested in his self, his children, and his wealth until he meets Allah and that which he has of the misfortune.”

And his statement, When Allah desires for His servant some good, He hastens his punishment in this life, and when Allah intends some good for His servant He will postpone His punishment until he will be recompensed on the day of judgment’’.

In addition, the authentic statement of the Messenger of Allah : Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah both narrated that the Prophet said:

“A Muslim is not afflicted by hardship, sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression – even if pricked by a thorn, but Allah expiates his sins because of it” [Bukhari]

4-Elevation of ranks (Raf’ al-Darajat):

This is from the apparent meaning of the hadith. If a believer after being afflicted by a misfortune or hardship patiently perseveres, his sins are forgiven and he is raised up in ranks.

This was the condition with the prophets and messengers. They were all tested and tried and thus Allah , because of their patience and forbearance, raised their ranks amongst the people. The evidence for this is the hadith at hand,

“I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favourite one from the inhabitants of the world.”

We also read this in a hadith narrated by Anas who said that he heard the Prophet say that Allah said:

إذا ابليت عبدي بحبيبتيه فصبر عوضه منهما الجنة

“When I affect my slave in his two dear things(i.e., his eyes), and he endures patiently, heshall be compensated with Paradise”. (Bukhari)

5-Admonition for the negligent and a warning:

This is considered like a warning that is issued to a student or an employee who is being negligent or has some shortcomings.

The aim is to alert the person of the shortcoming. If the person takes heed he will be successful otherwise he will deserve the punishment. Perhaps the evidence for this is His, the Most High’s, saying:

“Before you We sent (messengers) to many nations,and We afflicted the nations with suffering andadversity, that they might learn humility, Why then, did they not supplicate in humility when a calamity from Us came upon them? Instead, their hearts were hardened and Satan adorned for them what they were doing. [An’am: 42-43]

Adversity and calamity struck them because they neglected to supplicate to Allah in humility. They did not comprehend the wisdom of tribulation and as such did not turn to Allah in humility. Instead, Satan adorned for them what they were doing.

6-Destruction which serves as a punishment for those that were warned but did not heed the warning and persisted upon committing sins:

Allah says:

فَأَهْلَكْنَٰهُمْ بِذُنُوبِهِمْ

“…For their sins We destroyed them…” (An’am:6)

And, ‘’Indeed We have destroyed generations before you when they transgressed, and their Messengers had come to them with clear signs, but they were not the ones who would believe. This is how We punish the guilty people’’ [Yunus: 13]

Also:

وَإِذَآ أَرَدْنَآ أَن نُّهْلِكَ قَرْيَةً أَمَرْنَا مُتْرَفِيهَا فَفَسَقُواْ فِيهَا فَحَقَّ عَلَيْهَا ٱلْقَوْلُ فَدَمَّرْنَاهَا تَدْمِيراً

“When We decide to destroy a population, We(first) send a definite order to those amongthem who are given the good things of this lifeand yet transgress; so that the word is provedtrue against them: then We destroy themcompletely” (Al-Isra: 16)

7-A reminder of Allah’s favors upon mankind:

That is because man, who has been created with the faculty of sight, often forgets the blessing of being able to see. He does not fully give its due right.

If Allah was to temporarily take away his sight then return it to him he would realise the value of this great bounty.

Constant bounties and good-fortune often makes people forget the value of these bounties good-fortune for which they forget to show gratitude. Allah takes it away from people and then returns it to them in order for them to be reminded about these bounties and that they show gratitude to Allah for them.

Suffering makes us human.

Suffering and adversity have existed as long as human beings have. When we suffer we are connected to the common fate of the people who came before us and the people who will come after us.

Indeed, in tribulations there is a reminder for the person afflicted and others of the bounties of Allah . For example, when a person encounters a senile person he will appreciate the blessing of intellect. When a person observes a non-believer living his life like cattle, he will value the blessing of iman [faith]. When a person meets a sick person he will realize and value the blessing of good health. When he sees an impoverished person he will appreciate the blessing of wealth. When he encounters an ignorant person he is thankful for the blessing of knowledge. A person whose heart is awake and open to the reality will show gratitude but those who do not have [awakened] hearts will not show gratitude for the bounties of Allah ; instead they will be haughty and behave arrogantly towards the creation of Allah!!

8-Lessen people’s attachment to the Dunya:

If the dunya was free of any hardship and misfortune then people would have even been more attached to it and neglect the next life.

However, calamities and misfortunes alert people to the realities of the life of this world and awaken them from their neglectful state. Also they remind them about the next world which is free of any kind of misfortunes except for the wrongdoers.

9-Strengthening the personality of the believer (Saql Shakhsiya al-Mu’min):

Through hardship and difficulties Allah makes firm the hearts of the believers. This is why Allah chose our Prophet to grow up as an orphan and experience numerous hardships. As for those children who are pampered, generally, their personality is weakened because of this.

Through hardship and difficulty a believer is able to reach his full potential and growth in Iman and Taqwa.

10-Often a misfortune and calamity may come with a combination of wisdoms as in the case of the calamity at the battle of Uhud.

Allah says:

إِن يَمْسَسْكُمْ قَرْحٌ فَقَدْ مَسَّ ٱلْقَوْمَ قَرْحٌ مِّثْلُهُ وَتِلْكَ ٱلأَيَّامُ نُدَاوِلُهَا بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ وَلِيَعْلَمَ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ وَيَتَّخِذَ مِنكُمْ شُهَدَآءَ وَٱللَّهُ لاَ يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّالِمِينَ

“If a wound has touched you, be sure a similarwound has touched the others. Such days (ofvarying fortunes) We give to men and men byturns: that Allah may know those that believe,and that He may take to Himself from your ranksMartyrs-witnesses (to Truth). And Allah loves notthose that do wrong”.– and so that Allah may purify those who believe and eradicate the disbelievers. (Aal-Imran:140-141)

In these two verses we can identify a number of wisdoms in what took place during the battle of Uhud:

Days of varying fortunes among people – these have its causes and reasons
Establishment of Allah’s proof against those who turn their backs on His Guidance
Elevation of the ranks of the Shuhadah [martyrs]
A test and tribulation to the believers
A warning to the negligent [non believers]

Suffering is only as bad as we make it. If we believe we are entitled to a life of comfort, then a life that consists of suffering is simply unfair, and who likes an unfair world?

But if we believe that life is about growth and that growth entails a degree of pain and suffering, then there is nothing unfair about it.

How many people are tested with a disabled child – for example – this [in turn] is an enormous test for his entire family, and a test for him when he grows, and also, a test for the entire society – to determine whether the society takes care of him. This also acts as a reminder to others of the bounties that Allah grants them. Therefore, if the parents, the disabled, and others take heed – and the society fulfils its rights of the disabled, they all are rewarded according to their level of patience and how well they protected the weak and the afflicted.

11-Sometimes a hardship can be a blessing in disguise:

People who are afflicted with some misfortune may only see one side to the happenings and be heedless to other aspects, for which after a certain period of time, the beneficial side to the misfortune are unveiled to them.

Sometimes, they are convinced that the calamity they were suffering from was a good thing as opposed to being an omen or a calamity. Allah says:

‘’Fighting has been prescribed for you even though you detest it, it may be that something you dislike be good for you, and it may happen that something you like be bad for you, Allah knows while you do not’’.

Suffering gives us a greater appreciation of the moments of comfort. If life were comfortable 24/7, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the moments of comfort. There would be nothing to compare comfort to. This is analogous to a marathon runner. If there were no suffering in running a marathon there would be no comfort, and certainly no sense of accomplishment, in crossing the finish line. Mountain climbers voluntarily endure excruciating suffering, often for weeks on end, in their attempt to reach the summit. They risk their lives; endure high altitude sickness, bottomless crevasses and glaciers, mountain storms, snow blindness, and sudden storms all to experience the several moments of magnificent comfort and satisfaction the mountain summit has to offer.

In addition, the misfortune may be good for his religiosity and for his next life, but even, also, for his living in the dunya.

12- Suffering is a normal part of parenting, marriage, working, and every other worthwhile endeavor:

If we are in a constant state of suffering and anguish then something is most likely not as it optimally should be. However, periodic suffering in all areas of life is normal.

Every good marriage has periods of discord and uncertainty. Every healthy parent/child relationship goes through phases of disrespect and resentment with our children or parents not doing what we think they ought to be doing and us not doing what they think we ought to be doing. Jobs, homes, neighborhoods and communities enter and leave our lives based on need, interest, and a variety of other factors, which are often based on suffering.

Lobsters are soft animals with hard shells that do not grow. When lobsters outgrow their shells they climb into a rock cleft. They face the uncertainty of being swallowed up by another animal or of being swept away by the current. Yet imagine if lobsters stifled their discomfort rather than using it as a catalyst for growth: they would be a miniature species.

We can emulate lobsters by accepting suffering as a sign that it’s time for growth and renewal. The bottom line is that periodic suffering is part of every aspect of our lives and it need not be “bad.”

Suffering is what it is and what we make of it. Not pleasant, but generally not unbearable or unacceptable.

Tweet4

4 Shares

Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah

Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

Related Topics:Allah dunya IMAN Islam Marriage misfortune Muslim community parenting Psychology suffering taqwa working

Up Next

Why We Are Tested: The Psychology of Suffering & Misfortune – Part #2

Don't Miss

Making Families Work – Tips for Muslim Parenting | Yasir Qadhi

Sh. Abdullah Hasan

Sh. Abdullah Hasan holds an Imam Diploma, BA, and Ijaza Aliyah in Islamic Studies from a European seminary. Disciplines include fiqh, usul al-fiqh, Ifta, and other traditional subjects. He also has a diploma in Arabic from Zarqa Private University and studied at the college of fiqh wa usuluhu at the same university, receiving private training from renowned Scholars in Jordan and the Middle East. With a background in counselling and psychology, he has provided therapy for individuals, couples, and families for over a decade. He holds certificates and diplomas in person-centred psychotherapy, marriage and youth counselling, and SFBT psychotherapy. Sh. A. Hasan is currently pursuing a doctorate in applied psychology after completing a Master's degree in the same field, and also Masters Programme in Medical Psychology. His expertise also extends to Zakat and Islamic philanthropic studies. Having served as an Imam in various UK Muslim communities, Sh. A. Hasan is deeply committed to community and people development. He brings over 10 years of experience in management, leadership, and training within the third sector. Currently, he serves as a teacher of Islamic psychology and counselling, a Consultant Counselling Psychologist at Gift Foundation. Additionally, he provides Chaplaincy counselling from multiple mosques in London, UK. Sh. A. Hasan is the founder of significant initiatives such as Imams Against Domestic Abuse (IADA), the British Imams, Scholars Contributions and Achievements (BISCA Awards), and the British Institutes, Mosques, and Associations (BIMA Awards). He is a member of The Association of Islamic Mental-Health Specialists (AIMS) and actively contributes to numerous other community organisations and projects, nationally and globally.

23 Comments

Gibran

May 15, 2013 at 12:15 AM

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

JazzakAllahu khair. I love how you skipped the philosophical/psychology nonsense and went straight to Quran and Sunnah. It is far more therapeutic. May Allah accept it from you.

I skimmed(I’d say pretty well) and I intend to read it again.

But just in case you didn’t include this:

Abu Musa Al-Ashari reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever loves his worldly life will suffer in his Hereafter, and whoever loves his Hereafter will suffer in his worldly life; so prefer that which endures over that which is fleeting.”

Source: Musnad Ahmad 19198

Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Ibn Hajar

عَن أَبِي مُوسَى الْأَشْعَرِيِّ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَنْ أَحَبَّ دُنْيَاهُ أَضَرَّ بِآخِرَتِهِ وَمَنْ أَحَبَّ آخِرَتَهُ أَضَرَّ بِدُنْيَاهُ فَآثِرُوا مَا يَبْقَى عَلَى مَا يَفْنَى

19198 مسند أحمد أَوَّلُ مُسْنَدِ الْكُوفِيِّينَ من أحب دنياه أضر بآخرته ومن أحب آخرته أضر بدنياه

المحدث ابن حجر العسقلاني خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن

http://www.dailyhadithonline.com/2013/04/08/hadith-on-hereafter-prefer-the-afterlife-that-remains-forever-instead-of-the-temporary-world/

Reply
Anon

May 15, 2013 at 6:52 AM

Asalamualaykum wrwb,

JazakAllah khair. It was a very uplifting and beautiful reminder.

Reply
life is a test!

May 15, 2013 at 9:26 AM

Beautiful Article!!!The wisdom of the Quran and Sunnah is full of psychological//philosophicial benefit. In fact it is a shame more muslims do not understand this.

Reply
Naureen

May 15, 2013 at 10:30 AM

May Allah provide you to pass on more wisdom and knowledge to the world, in the way you do, that is in digestible format. MashaAllah your article is extremely uplifting, It has helped me a lot and me look at life with a different prospective. Thank you..

Reply
Curious

May 16, 2013 at 7:05 AM

Thanks for the article sheik.

How would you categorise horrendous crimes such as child sex assault, rape, incest etc, which cripple a person mentally, emotionally and physically for life. How can these be classified by a person enduring them as a “test” from God? These horrendous acts don’t strengthen character, they destroy and obliterate it.What’s the wisdom behind this? why does Allah SWT allow this to happen?

These situations often cripple a person so much that they enter a down spiral where they are repeatedly abused and in relationships where they’re more prone to abuse and violence. It’s a never ending cycle of pain and suffering. How do we understand these islamically?

Reply
- Abez
  
  May 16, 2013 at 1:06 PM
  
  AssalamuAlaikum Curious- I’m not a sheikh, but as someone whose child was born with an incurable neurological disorder, I still see beauty in my life and thank Allah for using this hardship as a means to make me a better Muslim, a better parent, and a more responsible human being. Alhamdulillah.
  
  Allah allows us to be broken (by pain as well as the things that you mentioned) so that we have the chance to rebuild ourselves even better. There are people who get broken and stay broken, but there are also people who use what happened to them to start foundations, change laws, force society to root out evil, and use their tragedies to become even stronger than they were before.
  
  http://www.abezsez.com/2010/02/inshaallah-2/
  
  Reply
  - Curious
    
    May 19, 2013 at 6:34 AM
    
    Thanks for your reply Abez.
    
    May Allah SWT bless you and your child and elevate you to the highest levels of Jannah inshAllah.
    
    I work with victims of rape, sexual assault, incest, domestic violence etc. The problem is that on the MOST part, it’s a very very small percentage who can come out of the tribulations “normal” if not, better people. For the most part the experiences tear and break them physically, emotionally, psychologically and socially.
    
    The question these people always ask is why would a God who’s all powerful and benevolent allow this to happen? humans have free will and these atrocities are the actions of humans, but God could stop it if he wanted to. Why does God need to “test” someone in such a brutal way? does God really need to let a child be born as a heroin addict and get sexually assaulted as a young child to “test” this person and force this person to “return to Him” for eg?
    
    Reply
    - Kirana
      
      May 26, 2013 at 5:45 AM
      
      I think how God will evaluate people will be fair, and take into account what they have to work with. I also think that it does not mean that something bad happening to someone, is a test for that person, or that person only. I think more often than is comfortable for us to realise, is that something terrible happening to one person is really more a test for the people around her, but perhaps mostly an expiation for her if she is patient. We do not know whose effort is accepted, and what extent is enough for each different person. Who knows but that under some extreme trial, it isn’t even necessary for someone to come out of it ‘normal’ to us, to be accepted by Allah.
      
      Once you think this life should be only comfortable, then you will not be able to escape the belief that suffering is unfair. Yet the belief that life should be comfortable is itself an unfair belief. Our comfort must be supplied by others’ pain, it is a fact of the living food web. All living things – suffer pain and distress. I reflect on the unfairness of being a living thing on earth that isn’t human – how uncertain are their lives, how uncertain their fate at our hands, how we squish them and kill them and drive them out and poison them and take their young and oftentimes not even for need, but ‘just because’. How anything that happens, that changes in the whole universe involves transition – from its very beginning, from its smallest physical structure. It is an inescapable attribute of this universe. Why should humans alone be spared from it? A life where comfort is an expectation, must therefore only be possible in a universe underpinned by different rules of physics. Complete absence of suffering, in this world means it is built on the amplified suffering of everything else. Consider that the amplified suffering of many people in this world as it is, is a result of other people taking their comfort and pleasure without regard to what it costs others, by their aversion to accept some discomfort and pain for restraint and doing the right thing. This runs the gamut from severe obvious cases of rape and abuse to the permanence of poverty and exploitation in some places due to people in other places demanding cheap products without consideration of living wages and ethics, which is qualitatively the same issue but is mostly below our notice.
      
      The fact is, many will break because they desire comfort of this world more than nearness to God, and cannot/will not let go of the one to reach for the other. The fact is, they will get what they want – this world – and stay in it after it reaches the end of its time and becomes destroyed. And those who want God, will also get what they want, and at that time be able to leave this imploding world and pass along the siraat to a new world. This is what we’re told by the Message.
      
      Reply
- Gibran
  
  May 16, 2013 at 2:13 PM
  
  Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
  I read of a Muslim women(on Islamic Answers.com) who was raped by her father, brother and cousin I think starting from the age of six. Her mother instead of helping her got angry at her. Can you imagine, going through among the most horrendous atrocities that any human ever has faced and the one person you should receive at least care and warmth from turns around and blames you? SubhanAllah.
  
  At 15 she was married off and her husband was horrible, abusive, I think maybe he drank alcohol and had affairs too.
  
  Out of her depression she turned to Allah, and she is still coping, may Allah have mercy on her and get her to the highest rank in Jannah, Al Firdaus nearest to An-Nabi sallahualayhiwasalam. If I was there, wallahi, inshaa Allah I would do my best to help her out.
  
  Did you think about that? That maybe, you are being tested to the degree of how you help those broken people, the people who are so unthinkably oppressed, you can hardly find someone in a third world country who was as oppressed? I too think about those people, who are deprived of rahmah from humans in their childhood.
  
  Perhaps this is Allah’s way of bringing the Muslim among them to the higher rank in Paradise because in Paradise the peace and pleasure never end.
  
  And perhaps this is to prevent the kaffir among them from having a severer punishment. Because the disbelievers will be in the blaze forever and the pain for all of them never ends.
  
  Reply
  - Fritz
    
    May 17, 2013 at 12:06 PM
    
    Awesome reply Gibran.
    
    But what about mental illness? Bipolar/Schizophrenia etc – not during the “florid” periods of hallucinations but where a person has enough function to vaguely know what is happening but in terms of mood and cognitive capacity they can barely pull the covers over their heads. I think this issue isnt really addressed at all in our communities.
    
    Reply
Abez

May 19, 2013 at 2:35 PM

Ameen, Curious.

You ask a good question. Allah allows us free will, and man takes free will and hits his fellow man over the head with it. This is the way the dunya works, and it is a test for us and we are a test for each other.

However, the suffering in this world is just as temporary as its pleasure, and when people will wake up on the Day of Judgment and try to figure out how long they were really alive, the best answer they’ll be able to come up with will be a day or a part of a day. We think there’s no end of pain now, but it’ll be over in the blink of an eye.

The injustice is temporary as well, and when the people of Jannah will be asked whether they had suffered in this world, they’ll happily answer no.

I remember once a contractor cheated my father out of a million rupees of steel, and my father (may Allah bless him) instead of saying “Why me, how could Allah let this happen, etc’- said:

“Beta, I’ll take a million rupees of blessings over a million rupees of steel. On the Day of Judgement, I’ll take it all back.”

People ask: why me. The answer is, because Allah knew you could handle it and that you would come out better for it. I’ve written about this before, so I’m just going to copy something here from an old blog entry:

“I had reached a point in my life where the spray-on apathy covering my heart had gotten so thick it had solidified, crystallized, and began blocking the light out and the darkness in. So Allah took my heart and smashed it against the floor. And then again. And then again. I lost a baby, I lost my mobility- both the car and the cartilage under my right knee cap, I was violently sick with my own salmonella poisoning while also waking up with Khalid to be vomitted on five and six times a night by a crying, terrified, exhausted little boy who had no idea what was going on, and what did I get out of the whole experience? Something absolutely beautiful.

The covering shattered.

Allah used just enough force, and not an ounce more than I could bear, to break apart the encasement on my heart and leave a battered, tenderized, bleeding, but liberated heart laying there for me to pick up and start over with. So I did. And the shards were sharp and I have hurt more this year than I have in my entire life, but I have learned more about maintaining my faith and keeping my heart soft so that Allah doesn’t have to do it for me.

Is it superstitious of me to believe that if Allah will scourge me if I let my faith slip? Yes, it would be, except that isn’t what I believe. I believe that Allah is kind, and He gives us chances to rebuild ourselves by knocking us down. Every hardship is both a challenge and an opportunity, and when I think of all the times that Qadr has backhanded me, it’s been when I needed a good, swift kick in the apathy. I believe it’s tough love. And I’m grateful for it.”

Reply
Parvez Khan

February 5, 2014 at 1:47 PM

nice article; very beneficial.
but i would like to ask, how does a person know if he is forgiven?

Reply
Aisha

January 6, 2015 at 6:58 AM

There is nothing wrong with loving this life, hating this life and wishing for death is like those people who think long beards and sour mean faces make u look pious. Cursing the world and waiting for ur death is radical

Reply
Anony

July 11, 2015 at 5:47 PM

JazakAllAH

as I lost my mother couple of weeks ago after Heart By pass Surgery this article help me to find my some answers but still I feel my life has been finished I dosent like anything on this world I am constantly thinking when I will die and meet my mother in jannah. The colours of life has been vanished.and every time I am stuck in memories .still I coudnt find way to return to my life again and give time to my father and family ?

Reply
- Aly Balagamwala
  
  July 13, 2015 at 3:22 AM
  
  Dear Brother
  
  It can be very hard to get past the passing away of a loved one, especially your mother who may have been the center of your world. The Prophet (SAW) said that the among the things that benefit after one’s death is a righteous child. So a person will come on the Day of Judgement and find their ranks elevated just by the actions and prayers of their child. You should make it a goal in your life to honor your mother by being righteous, by giving charity in her name and by praying to Allah (SWT) for elevation of her rank and her inclusion amongst those honored in the hereafter.
  
  This will help heal your pain to some extent and when in sha Allah you do join her in Jannah, both of you will be at the highest levels.
  
  Best Regards
  Aly
  *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*
  
  Reply
d

August 15, 2015 at 6:25 AM

All the talk that we have with people who are not believers in Islam (or Judaism or Christianimty) all comes down to this? WHy does a good God do bad things? The prophet ‘Isa saw more deeply into suffering, and the Christians make this how God and man connect. If we understood all suffering, as Isa did not understand his suffering, we would not be moved by it. Suffering humanizes the Imam who apparently knows it all, and tells me the meaning of my child’s death, with quotes from the Hadith and the Quran, without first weeping and weeping and weeping again, and being changed and damaged in his heart as I have in mind. There is no actuarial calculation in growth to God; we cannot say, ah, I realize that this suffering is good for me and therefore will get me an extra 10 points in heaven. No. Suffer and don’t know that there is always a reason, but reaalize that in the strange world which Allah has made, where we are all connected, where our very existence depends on us having wiped out most of the other species of man before homo sapiens, then in this world, we are all strangely bound up in suffering that we cannot know, and from which we seek to hide.

Reply
Ali

December 3, 2015 at 1:40 PM

I believe in the truth of Islam as it is plainly obvious when objectively studied.

With that said: I still don’t understand why mister allah insists on giving me a life of humiliation and misery. Not one good day I’ve experienced on this miserable earth. Why?

Did I ask to be born? No.

So why should I be required to follow rules and be grateful? For what?

I have nothing to be grateful for. I wake up cursing God and I go to sleep cursing God and it is the only thing that makes me feel better.

Seems like I’m supposed to take gods decree of humiliation and then be grateful. While other Muslims get to enjoy this life and will continue enjoying their afterlife as well. Because they are grateful. They pray they express their love for Allah because they have been blessed with things to be grateful for.

Me? Not blessed at all. No good. Only bad.

So what? I should pretend to be grateful? When inside I have only resentment. Doesn’t make sense.

I’m supposed to take his abuse and be grateful just so I can be allowed entry to the big party in heaven? It’s like in this life a guy bullying me making fun of me, disrespecting me and I’m supposed to have a stupid smile on my face like it’s totally fine just so that bully can one day say “okay, you’ve suffered enough I think. Here come on in to the party now. I won’t mess with you anymore..”

You think I’m supposed to just say “ok thank you for not hurting me anymore sir and thank you for letting me into your party”

That doesn’t make sense in this life and I just can’t bring myself to be grateful to an abuser.

I don’t owe an apology to God. He owes me an apology.

Remember I didn’t ask to be here so I do not owe him anything and I certainly did not ask to be abused.

Allah can kiss my ass.

Reply
- Ali
  
  December 3, 2015 at 7:08 PM
  
  Okay I’ve calmed down. You can delete the previous comment.
  
  I know I’m wrong. I know I’m just being a little crybaby. But frustration and my emotions got the better of me.
  
  I know Islam is the truth and that after every hardship comes ease but it is not so easy for me. I know I should just accept the hand I’ve been dealt rather than curse the dealer. But that’s how I feel sometimes.
  
  I’m not at a point where I can bring myself to pray. Because I don’t feel grateful. If I were to pray it would be out of fear of fire rather than gratefulness.
  
  But really if I had a choice of being born with this life versus not being born at all, I’d choose the latter.
  
  Hate me for my comment but at least appreciate the honesty
  
  Reply
Simbey

December 27, 2015 at 10:40 AM

May peace be upon us all.

Reply
Zahira

March 21, 2016 at 12:53 PM

Thank You ALLAH..I hear and beginning to understand each day.
Amin Amine Ameen

Reply
Richard

July 26, 2016 at 3:36 PM

i feel abused by god for no good reason, what have i done to him nothing it god wickedness that let me down because i choose not to do his will, i choose to go my own way and what happened he took my working life off me because i would not do his will what is the point of trying, god let people down i don’t want hell, but i don’t want to live with god why because god abuse people life

Reply
Richard

July 26, 2016 at 3:45 PM

so forgot to say you can hear him and he said i was on to something good, but it was not what he was planning for me so that left me feeling let down, why because i can do what every i want it god who has to be evil all the time, too the point he tested me to see if i would commit suicide, i’d never thought of that until he came near me he want to test me for his own wickedness i went self employed in 2007 and now im making a claim against south yorkshire police because they arrested me for stealing a company i set up, but really it was god (Allah) he could not get me to do his will the problem is god like to abuse people for other people wickedness in the matter of that Allah has let me down abuse me ruined my relationship with my daughter mother for his own evil i turned my back on god for the evil within his own heart i never choose to kill or hurt people, but allah has done every sort of wickedness to me just as a test, all i want for the lord leave me i never needed him in the first place , but for his own evil he did things for his own needs

Reply
Einstein

April 7, 2018 at 4:11 AM

Lot of bullshit. If anybody is getting screwed.. the belief is we were born to get screwed.

Reply