Crosspost from Habibi Halaqas
by Anonymous
To Allāh belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things. [Surah Ash-Shura, 42:49-50]
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It is the way how this Dunya rolls and it is the way how Allāh SWT has designed this Dunya to be. You may have something that other people have. And you may not have something that other people do not have.
Single people want to get married (and fast) because they think that’s the only part of their religion that’s deficient. Married people want to have children (and fast) because they think the only way they could truly be happy (and successful) is by having children. People with children want them to have the best of everything in this Dunya.
People with the best God-fearing children fear that their children would end up as failures in Dunya. And people with not-so-God-fearing children fear for their kids in the Ākhirah aspect. Married people want their freedom. Free single people want to be tied down in a commitment.
So the issue here is that we have to accept that regardless of what we want in this Dunya and regardless of whether or not we get it, we’re still going to want more. And more. And so much more.
I’ve got proof:
On the authority of Anas b. Mālik, may Allāh be pleased with him, who narrated that Allāh’s Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If the son of Ādam had a valley full of gold, he would love to have two valleys, for nothing fills his mouth except dust. And Allāh forgives him who repents.” [Sahih Bukhāri, Volume 8 Book 76 Number 447]
I mean it’s alright to want all those things because that’s how Allāh SWT created us.
It’s perfectly normal.
‘Beautified for mankind is love of the joys (that come) from women and offspring; and stored-up heaps of gold and silver, and horses branded (with their mark), and cattle and land. That is comfort of the life of the world. Allāh! With Him is a more excellent abode.’ [Surah Āle-‘Imrān, 3:14].
But being focused on those things only in this world is not a healthy way to live in this Dunya. Your camera of life should not be zoomed onto this Dunya. A true Muslimah has foresight. She can see farther than that. Her eyes should be on something much better than all the pleasures of this Dunya. Allāh SWT continues the above verse:
‘Say: Shall I inform you of something better than that? For those who keep from evil, with their Lord, are Gardens underneath which rivers flow wherein they will abide, and pure companions, and contentment from Allāh. Allāh is Seer of His bondmen, Those who say: “Our Lord! We have indeed believed, so forgive us our sins and save us from the punishment of the Fire.” (They are) those who are patient, those who are true (in Faith, words, and deeds), and obedient with sincere devotion in worship to Allâh. Those who spend [give the Zakât and alms in the Way of Allâh] and those who pray and beg Allâh’s Pardon in the last hours of the night. [Surah Āle-‘Imrān, 3:15-17]
Allāh SWT promises you a kind of happiness that does not end. A promise of a Garden, your home inshaa’Allāh, for which you don’t have to pay any bills. A husband or a companion who’s physically and spiritually devoid of anything negative and unpleasing. And Allāh SWT’s Pleasure! Imagine that all that time you gave up things fearing Allāh SWT and seeking His pleasure…in Jannah, how relieved you would be! That Allāh SWT is pleased with you eternally. But to be able to achieve all that one will have to do the following according to the verse above:
- Ask for forgiveness for sins and seek refuge from punishment of the Fire
- Be patient
- True to Deen in actions and words
- Obedient with sincere devotion in worship to Allāh SWT
- Spend Zakah
- Pray and beg Allāh SWT’s Pardon in the last hours of the night (Qiyām al layl)
Dear Muslim Sisters: just because you don’t have children, it doesn’t mean that you are:
- The only one being tested
- The only one who does not have a certain type of blessing
- That there’s something ‘wrong’ with you
What is worse is that people may start pitying you. Some people start making up stories about you. You don’t have time to waste if people do as they say these things. And you certainly don’t have time to waste your life thinking that true successful marriage should be equated to children. As long as Allāh SWT did not say that, who are YOU to adopt such a definition? Worth thinking about. Isn’t it?
What this also means is that just because you don’t have a child right now, you won’t have one forever. If it was easy for Allāh SWT to create Ādam AS without any parents and ‘Īsa b. Maryam without any father, then do you think it is impossible for Him to bless you with a child?
What about the story of Zachariya AS who was very old and his wife who was barren? He said: “My Lord! How can I have a son, when my wife is barren, and I have reached the extreme old age.” He said: “So (it will be). Your Lord says; It is easy for Me. Certainly I have created you before, when you had been nothing!” [Surah Maryam, 19:8-9]
So what is it then which is preventing Allāh SWT from blessing you with a child?
Some reasons could be as follows:
–> You and your husband can’t handle a child. Maybe it’ll divert you from the Deen of Allāh SWT! Remember the story in Suratul Kāhf in which Khidr killed a boy because he was going to oppress his parents when he grew up?!
‘Then they both proceeded, till they met a boy, he (Khidr) killed him. Mūsa(Moses) said: “Have you killed an innocent person who had killed none? Verily, you have committed a thing “Nukr” (a great Munkar – prohibited, evil, dreadful thing)!” (74)”And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared lest he should oppress them by rebellion and disbelief. (80) [Surah Al Kāhf ]
Think about that! And Allāh SWT does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.
‘Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned…’ [Surah Al Baqarah, verse 286]
–> You and your husband’s past sins. Now it doesn’t mean that those who have kids are righteous people. Not at all. But when one faces a certain challenging situation, one must look at oneself and see why is that certain type of Rizq is not coming my way? Rizq includes money, kids, spouse…in fact it includes everything that Allāh SWT bestows us with. Here’s a solution in the Qurʾān :
“I said (to them): ‘Ask forgiveness from your Lord; Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; ‘He will send rain to you in abundance; ‘And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.’ ” [Surah An Nooh, 71:10-12]
Here Prophet Nooh AS proposes one key method to get rain, increase in wealth and children. And that one key method is Istighfaar. If you really want kids, you may want to focus on creating a routine of Istighfaar. Of course, most of you want kids. Would most of you end up asking for forgiveness?
–> Allāh SWT wants to choose you for Himself. What I mean by that is, often times our hearts are filled with love for people and things. Once those people and things no longer reside in our heart, then only we have room for Allāh SWT. One can never have Allāh SWT and love for this Dunya in their hearts because we all know that hearts are like any other vessels. So we end up then pleasing those whom we love, forgetting the One who granted us the object that we loved and the emotion of love itself.
‘…And of mankind are some that set up rivals; unto Allāh they love them as with the love due to Allāh. And those who believe are strongest in love of Allāh…’[Surah al Baqarah, 2:165]
By not granting you kids, Allāh SWT does not want you to waste those emotions over kids. Instead He SWT wants you to love Him more than anyone else. He want to empty your heart from all other types of love which shackle you and make you weak and He wants you to love only Him. Him Alone. So much so that your eyes only see the Guidance He SWT has sent, your ears hear what He SWT wants you to hear…He SWT does not want you to get distracted. He wants you to be focused on the greater purpose of your creation…
Makes you love Allāh SWT more, right?
I mean imagine the situation of Aisha RA. She did not have any kids. But you know what? She ended up teaching and guiding millions and billions of kids. She was not only a mother because she’s the Mother of Believers…she lived up to it by caring for those who came to learn from her just like a mother.
So what if you don’t ever become a mother? Can’t you channelize that love and guide other people’s kids? Can’t you become a mother to those kids who are orphaned? Can’t you be a form of mercy by educating other kids to become great Muslims?
Think about it! Think about the reward!
You may not become a Khadija, who gave birth to all Prophet’s kids but you then get the chance to become Aisha. Khadija, may Allāh SWT be pleased with her, raised excellent kids and we know all the wonderful qualities she had and all the beautiful ways she contributed towards advancement of Islam. But she didn’t get the chance like Aisha RA, i.e. to teach the Salaf, to become a Faqiha. Why? Because Allāh SWT gives some people some blessings while others, other blessings.
What’s important to remember is how would YOU utilize the blessings that you have in His Path?
One way to be content with whatever comes your way is by having good expectations of Allāh SWT. If Allāh SWT made things happen, then know that they are good for you. You may not know but Allāh SWT does because He SWT loves you more than you or anyone can love you.
“Allāh `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]
So be content and leave everything to Him.
Because He SWT knows what we want and He SWT knows when to grant us what we want. Or sometimes whether or not to grant us those things. For He SWT knows best.
***
Some duaas that you can recite daily (all from Qurʾān ) to be blessed with righteous offspring and/or rectify the state of current offspring:
- Surah Al Baqarah, verse 128
- Surah Āle-‘Imrān, verse 38
- Surah Ibrāhīm, verse 40
- Surah Al-Furqān, verse 74
And how can you ensure that Allāh SWT listens to your duaa? Look at what Zachariya AS and his wife are described as doing:
And (remember) Zakariyya (Zachariah), when he cried to his Lord: “O My Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors.” So We answered his call, and We bestowed upon him Yahya (John), and cured his wife (to bear a child) for him. Verily, they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on Us with hope and fear, and used to humble themselves before Us. [Surah Al Anbiya, 21:89-90]
But always remember:
‘And it is not your wealth, nor your children that bring you nearer to Us (i.e. pleases Allâh), but only he who believes (in the Islâmic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds (will please us); as for such, there will be twofold reward for what they did, and they will reside in the high dwellings (Paradise) in peace and security.’ [Surah Saba,34:37]
Why’s that? Because:
‘Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds, that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope. [Surah Al Kāhf , 18:46]
May Allāh SWT make us content with what He has Decreed for us and bless our Ummah with righteous offspring. Ameen.
And Allāh SWT knows Best. Please remember me in your duaas.
Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Love,
From a sister who cares.
Announcements3 weeks ago
ourdialogue02
April 6, 2012 at 12:29 AM
Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Salamualaykum
Nice to topic, may Allah bless the writer, i don’t have a wife not to talk much less of kids but eachtime i think of the pain the women without kids go through words fail me to describe it, espicially the stigamatisation, espicially when you are coming from traditional nigeria. May Allah bless our muslim sisters (and mother in laws) with sabr and tawaqalah.
amatullah
April 6, 2012 at 1:32 AM
JazakAllaah Khayr Ya Ukhti!
May AllahSwt bless you with fiqh of His Deen and make your path to His Jannah easy!
June
April 6, 2012 at 1:47 AM
Assalamu alaykum,
It’s uncanny how relevant this article is to me. And the thing is, I hadn’t been on MM for several weeks and when I look in again this is the first article on the front page. It’s still not an easy pill to swallow but I thank you so much for writing this.
Abu Yusuf
April 6, 2012 at 11:42 AM
Salaam Alaykum, I understand the message and gist of the article but the title still isn’t appropriate. It’s almost an affront to Khadijah (RA) upon whom Allah Himself sent Salaam through Jibreel. Khadijah (RA) was at a station much higher than Ayesha (RA) and she was our Rasool’s supporter and one of the four perfect women in history as our Rasool stated (Maryam, Asiya, and Fatima being the other three). Khaijah (RA) was as perfect a wife as one can imagine. She had wisdom in how to deal with her husband and she was the luckiest woman ever to be the companion of the best man in history. So the title that says “….not a Khadijah” is something that personally offends me and saddens me.
On a side note, the ayah about Zakariyyah and his wife made my spine tingle. What excellent slaves of Allah they were!
G M
April 8, 2012 at 11:46 PM
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I think the purpose of it was to compare to incredibly honored women-two of our mothers who performed excellent actions, although their excellent actions were different.
Aishah Schwartz
April 26, 2012 at 4:09 PM
Reading outside of the box always helps.
Merium
April 6, 2012 at 1:08 PM
Maybe He (SWT) wants you to take an orphan under your care instead of having your own :) It’s an option that is not often discussed, but needs to be addressed! People worry about mahram issues but there are possibilities of taking in a baby under 2 and inducing lactation to breastfeed (using medications). http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/protocols4print.shtml
Yasmin
April 6, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Jazakallah khair for this very beautiful and important post! I learned a lot!
Ramadan
April 6, 2012 at 3:41 PM
Jakallahu khayr, nice topic.
Zamzam Bayian
April 6, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Jazak Allah khaira. Your article reminds me of a sister on whose story I
always reflect. She hadn’t children for a long time, and kept praying that
Allah would give her children. At the end she ended up having 5 children three
of them have life-long serious health problems. Sometimes, I ask myself
“Would this sister hope to have children if she knew in advance that she
would have ill children?” But after long contemplation on her story and
many other stories I encountered throughout my life I realize that the best
thing is to accept what Allah grants us with certainty that it is the best, and
not stopping from asking Him the best in this worldly life and the hereafter
for He is rich, and generous.
Nuraini
April 7, 2012 at 3:00 AM
I have a friend, who is still unmarried. It is not because she is choosy, even though her father (who has now divorced her mother) has tried to match her with questionable people (as in seemingly mentally unstable) that he met through facebook or something and won’t let her ask questions about the candidates. I mean, aren’t there any candidates who are, well, sane? Fortunately she is financially independent and isn’t desperate to marry. Anyhooo, the main reason she is unmarried is because she is the only person who is looking after her sick mother, ferrying her to and from hospital for many medical treatments and supporting her overall, seeing as her siblings have cut and run (we have families, you’re single, so you take care of her) and her father has divorced her. So she cannot accept a husband who is going to take her (the only sustainer of her mother) far away from her mother, or won’t let her visit her mother. Thus far she has NOT FOUND A SINGLE MUSLIM MAN willing to marry her under those terms. Thus she chose looking after her mother.
Now I think this is a noble thing she is doing, and there is nothing in Islam that looks down on this choice. In fact, by right if we today had an abundance of real Muslim men, she would have no shortage of men rushing to the charity of a sick old woman who is mother of someone who is a kind, cheerful, loving woman – in itself a prize for a wife. But to my surprise where she comes from this is looked at as a poor decision vs just marrying anybody, and just let her mother’s situation “sort itself out” or “you’ll figure it out afterwards”. I mean, yes, marriage is a very important and encouraged thing in Islam, but it doesn’t mean you must get married no matter what, no matter to whom, and no matter that it would hurt or cause others in your responsibility to suffer. She is having to be strong against so many naysayers just because she won’t leave her mother to fend for herself in her old age sickness. I know Allah will reward her for her patience.
There are many things that women have been in history that is approved in Islam. Maybe some of us are Khadijahs, some Aishahs, some Sawdah, and maybe some of us are meant to be Nusayba bint Kaab, the woman who stood by our Prophet with a sword and a bow in the battle of Uhud.
Frostonfire
April 8, 2012 at 12:29 AM
asalamoalykum
may ALLAH reward that women with good in this world and hereafter,i totally understand her situation,i am also going through the same thing,i don’t have a sick mother alhumdullilah,but i am not married and i have to hear taunts from people and mostly the society that we live in,i think its the same around the world, if someone is trying to do good or is making a sacrifice they are looked down upon,good is no longer appreciated as it used to be, only “results” are and the general attitude “if something is not right in your life ,then its your fault”well sometimes it is,but its not always like that ,there is a thing called “test” and something called “patience” and holding on and not letting go when required,i just pray that the muslims are guided and have a little empathy towards each other,…..i am not saying everyone is like that but society in general has become like that..we get all mad when something happens to muslims in a far away land (which we should) but if our watchman is hungry,who cares….
Frostonfire
April 8, 2012 at 12:31 AM
shouldn’t you ask her how old she is? what if she’s in her 20’s or 30’s?
Umm Miriam
April 9, 2012 at 9:50 AM
As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,
Would your friend be open to marrying a brother of a different race or nationality? There are still brothers who are pious who would appreciate a woman devoted to her mother, and on top of that, never married, mashaAllah, but they are of a different “race” (I put in quotes because all of us came from Adam, AS) from your friend. If she is open to that, she will probably find many brothers that practice the sunnah who would be extremely happy to have a pious woman like her as a spouse, inshaAllah.
May Allah make her situation easy for her. Ameen.
This was an interesting article, alhamdulillah.
abu bakr
June 10, 2012 at 7:33 AM
I Just was wondering why you told her this sentence and on top of that , never married , mashallah I just wondering what is the problem if she married with a married man
um djamel
April 19, 2012 at 7:12 AM
she’s already got her hands full without having an elderly man to care for too!
Frostonfire
April 20, 2012 at 1:23 AM
i know right,seriously …. the part where she shouldn’t be “fat” really made me laugh :D
Arjmand
August 25, 2015 at 1:40 PM
May Allah bless her abundantly.
Gul
April 7, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Assalamu Alaikum. JazakAllahuKhair for the beneficial article. I really appreciate the advice. May Allah (swt) give beautiful patience to all the sisters (and brothers) dealing with this painful issue.
On a related note, is it possible to get an article on the Islamic view of assisted reproductive techniques and their related issues such as freezing eggs, sperm, and embryos, and procedures such as removing tissue from testicles in order to extract sperm. I read that it is permissible to do IVF if using the genetic material of the married couple and the wife carries the baby, but I’m unsure of these other issues. What is the best way to deal with infertility? Is it ok to pursue all permissible medical treatment available and try to be content with the outcome or is it better to not even try these extreme procedures, such as IVF? JazakAllahuKhair.
sfletcher
April 7, 2012 at 5:49 PM
This comment is absolutely beautiful may Allah reward you… indeed it is Allahs love we seek and He is jealous of the hearts of His slaves and He does not want their hearts to b e filled with love for anything else, then He admits them to Paradise from His mercy where they will have children if they wish and then will have all that their hearts desire – may Allah make us among them
Umm Ousama
April 8, 2012 at 5:33 AM
JazakAllahu khairan for the article. I am not sure it is right though to say that Khadijah (radhi Allahu anha) wasn’t a faqiha.Of course, most of the fiqh wasn’t even there because she died before the five daily salaat were ordained and salaat was the first thing that was ordained. When Allah sent her salaams, she answered: “Allahumma anta assalaam wa minka assalaam, tabaraktu ya zal-jalaalu wal-ikraam”
اللهم أنت السلام ومنك السلام تباركت ياذا الجلال والإكرام
Isn’t this comprehending the religion in the best of ways?
G M
April 8, 2012 at 11:43 PM
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Jazzakallahu khair
We need need to make the discussion of the meeting with Allah and the akhirah which is His our number 1 discussion topic.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
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Muslimah
April 10, 2012 at 8:11 PM
Asalam Aleykum thanks for sharing, I realy like this article and it provides lots great of evidence and I learned a lot from it but I don’t think it is right to say Khadijah wasn’t a faqiha and that Allah wants you to become an A’isha and not a Khadija. The person who wrote has to know that most of the fiqh wasn’t available when Khadija was alive because she died before the five daily salaat were ordained. I love all the mothers of the believers with all my heart and I think there would’ve been a better way to write the title. Asalam Aleykum.
um djamel
April 19, 2012 at 7:10 AM
Salam, very good article and a much needed one. The only comment i would like to make is that i wouldn’t even go so far as to speculate why or why not i wasn’t able to have children – it’s Allah’s will and for me that’s all there is to it! I don’t think it’s really productive to try figure out the reason for a particular consequence – positive or negative , but I do think it’s necessary to constantly evaluate and reflect on our lives in relation to our islam.
an anonymous mom
April 23, 2012 at 3:07 PM
Salam. I, too, felt this article was good and needed, but at the same time, I wonder about the propriety of guessing why Allah might test us. I am with the sister who said that there’s such a thing as test and patience.
I won’t go into all my personal details, but I have lived thru infertility for the better part of 20 years. I felt I would never have children and resigned myself to that seeming probability, knowing that was a test, and thinking that perhaps Allah had other plans for my life. Then, at a much older age, I was shocked to find myself with four children . No one ever knows what will happen in this life, subhanala.
Although I love my children very much and am very grateful for them, I feel the weight of the huge responsibility in trying to raise them as practicing Muslims in the deviant dunya which surrounds us. I painfully feel the guilt of all of my failings and shortcomings as a mom. Moreover, I do not have the health and energy of youth, and I wish I could do more for my children……… I only mention this to show both sides of the coin. In my many years of childlessness, I had supposed that I would be a terrific mother and naturally raise good Muslim kids, as I had the guidance of Islam. Now I realize starkly and plainly that guidance for my children is really only from Allah, and that any negligence from my side, as a parent, is nevertheless something I will face judgement on. Alhamdulilah, Allah is merciful, and I hope and pray for His mercy.
One of my children has wavered a bit, and though she seems on the right track now, it is still unclear how she will turn out in the end. I keep thinking of so many things that perhaps would have prevented this situation, if only I had done a better job as a mother. Now I can only keep talking to her and making dua.
What I’m trying to say is that, for all of us, children are a big test–either NOT having them, or, HAVING them and then being responsible for their upbringing, which is not a light matter, to say the least.
I feel sure that if any of my children strayed from Islam, it would be more painful to me than if they had never been born. I pray they never will stray. Dear readers, please make du’a for my children to remain on Allah’s guidance.
Jazakum Allah Kheiran.
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Aishah Schwartz
April 26, 2012 at 4:07 PM
Masha’Allah.
I used to write like this…
1066
April 28, 2012 at 7:35 PM
macha ALLAH this post is a blessing as i was really down today after thinking that i am husband-less and child-less and getting older. then i made a duah to ALLAH SWT and i stumbled upon this article. ALLAH does hear and answer our prayers indeed. so maybe this situation is what is better for my deen right now. Allahu a’lam.
whatever it is alhamdulillahMay ALLAH SWT bless the writer
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salam
May 2, 2012 at 4:11 PM
Asalaamualaikum, MashaAllah it was a much needed article that needed to be posted. I dont think anything is wrong with the title that maybe Allah(Swt) wants you to be Aisha than khadijah’ as in the sense that khadijah was blessed with children and Aisha wasnt yet she was still a great woman in Islam.
Most people find out about infertility after they are married but when your a young single girl whose be told she wont be able to have children its hard test but a test to purify you by your Lord. Everything is in the hands of Allah and ive truly learned to beleive that if Allah is testing me with this then He has a greater plan for me, as upsetting as it might be, i know that im in Allah(Swt) hand. What is upsetting is when scholars and shiekhs as rightly so but still justify that a righteous man should not marry a barren girl as the prophet(saw) advised. However how do they know what the future will hold! InshaAllah may Allah(swt) test everyone with whatever they are being tested with and bless them further iA.
MB
October 13, 2016 at 4:10 PM
Ameen.
Very wise words indeed, very comforting for someone going through the same situation.
Nasreencan
May 3, 2012 at 5:30 AM
Jazakh Allah Khair dear sister for this wonderful post. I will share this with my own sister who is not yet blessed with a child after 6 yrs of marriage and often gets impatient. Inshallah it shoud help her elevate her Imaan.
A muslimah
May 9, 2012 at 8:59 PM
May Allah swt reward you with firdaws ya ukti! Just the things I needed to hear.. Mé and my husband have been trying to conceive in 11 years now. And Allah swt made it happened, when I Got pregnant for some months ago. But they discovered that the pregnancy was outside the uterus… So I have been struggling with those thoughts mentioned above, and what you give as a naseeha is so true Subhanallah…
Jamila
December 28, 2013 at 7:02 AM
Asalamualykum, beautifuk much needed article. I just had a question what advice would you give to a single sister who has been told for many years that she is infertile. Most people find out after marriage and i have full tawakkul in Allah as to why in being tested but it something in my mind and heart that hinders me from marriage and when i get the strength its not something a guy wants to consider especially when they keep repeating how the prophet(saw) said marry only fertile women and how UMar (ra) divorced his wives who were infertile?? May Allah(swt) make easy our test
MB
October 13, 2016 at 4:07 PM
Ameen.
I’m a single guy and I too have been told many years ago that due to medical treatment I had when I was a child (which included chemotherapy) curing a blood disease that it will be very difficult to have children. I’ve had a test which confirms this.
I too am finding it very difficult to find a spouse (not a surprise really), it hurts a lot when someone is interested and you have to tell them what the doctors have said.
I totally understand how difficult it is and it is very important to keep strong and patient and have full trust in the almighty. It is a big test as it is very difficult being very truthful when there is so much pressure to hide it. Keep strong and patient and IA you will see the rewards one day.
S D
January 6, 2018 at 7:55 PM
I’m a single girl and I don’t want to have kids, and I struggle to find a spouse for this reason. SubhanAllah how Allah tests everyone uniquely. May Allah grant you with a righteous spouse. May Allah ease everyone’s tests in this life and grand us janat al firdouse.
Amel
December 28, 2013 at 9:34 AM
May Allah SWT make it easy for those who struggle with infertility. Someone close to me experienced this problem for many years and finally decided to adopt an infant with her husband. They are so happy now, masha’Allah. When I think of all the sadness and struggles they went through for so long, it is amazing to contemplate what Allah SWT had planned for them. Although I have children of my own, alhumdulellah, I feel a little jealous of the blessings they are getting for raising an orphan. They are truly blessed, masha’Allah. Not many Muslims consider this option, but I think this should change. So, if I could add to the author’s list, I would say:
Maybe Allah SWT wants you to raise an orphan.
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Y
March 23, 2015 at 11:34 AM
Incredibly childish article. There could be 10,000 reasons why some couples do not/cannot have kids. It is best known to Allah SWT. Stop resonating everything to ‘test’ as though everyone is a saint.
Soad
March 27, 2015 at 9:58 PM
Mashallah, wonderful article. I think this is relevant to lots of things in life not just having kids. May Allah(swt) reward the sister who wrote the article.
Kulsoom
April 12, 2015 at 6:35 AM
The comparisons and examples are good but the title is very saddening …. It’s like the author is saying Ayesha has an upper hand over Bibi khadijah which is wrong , just because she did not bear a child , and why not quote all our beloved Prohet s wives in that case since no one bore any child . It was the Prophet s (PBHU) test that he had no son and no children surviveexcept Bibi Fatimah because It was Allah SWT ‘s will that our Prophet’ s legacy be continued through Bibi Fatimah . The title is very much offending to tell the least . Everyone who has children cannot equate themselves to Bibi Khadijah and similarly if any women has no children does not imply the same . Sometimes we as ordinary gunahgaar Muslims are tested yet other times we are not fit enough as Allah SWT knows the best and does everything in our best if best interests .
Kixy
May 18, 2015 at 9:38 PM
So well written and exactly what I needed. JazakAllah. You are bringing peace and happiness to a lot of people with this article.
Qadeer Hussain
July 27, 2015 at 11:41 PM
Asw bro. pliz email me more about islam.
Shahinaz Oozeerally
August 22, 2015 at 10:15 PM
Please send me emails regularly
Shaheena
February 11, 2016 at 11:39 PM
Asalamu al iykum
I will get married very soon and Insha Allah if I have a child sooner or later, there is a big sister of the man whom I will get married to. She can’t become mother and many people promised her to give their children but that all remained to just be a promise. The very first time I heard about her I thought to myself I can give her my child to remove her despair. But I don’t know whether this is allowed in Islam. But I strongly felt that I can do that and make her happy and ultimately Allah will bless me with more children or if I don’t have any after that also I will love and have faith in Allah subanawtalla for ever. Could you please suggest if I can do that. I would also like to mention that many times after my salah I made dua to Allah that he makes me capable to help that lady. Now that it’s like I made promise to Allah that if he blesses me with one child I will help her. If this is not allowed in Islam should I do it as I made a promise to Allah?
Please suggest as I don’t know much in detail about which is allowed in Islam in regards to this matter.
Mohammed Abdul Jabbar
March 24, 2016 at 1:18 AM
JazakAllaah Khayr Ya Ukhti!
A wonderful, brilliant, motivational and a very strong post! A reminder to myself first and to every Muslim Brothers & Sisters.
Olga
April 19, 2016 at 4:04 AM
Assalamualekum,
I am not sure if it’s appropriate to write here, but I feel I am in the right place. I read one of the previous comments saying that a lady asked God to tell her what to do and she came across this page. So it happened to me. I am grateful to the author of the article to have explained the possible reasons of childlessness. It struck me to learn that “wealth and children” are considered to be embellishments of this life, but righteous deeds will be better rewarded in afterlife.
I wanted to ask you, readers of this article, if any one has information on WHAT A WIFE OF AN INFERTILE HUSBAND SHOULD DO IN ISLAM. I am christian, but i find islam give more answers and guidelines on what a good muslim should do. so, here i am, seeking answers on my problem. Any one who has similar experience, pls share what you’ve done in this situation. I understood from the article, that this is God’s intention to make our family childless, but however, it is not me who cannot conceive. I am healthy and can have babies… shall i pursue a baby by divorcing my beloved husband?? Or my better half is more important than a baby?? Pls, advise me because I am really desperate…
SK
November 26, 2016 at 1:45 PM
As-salaamu alaikum, dear sister, I’m in the same situation as you. My husband just doesn’t want children. Morever, his libido has disappeared and he doesn’t like sexual intimacy at all anymore though we have a very loving relationship otherwise (physically and emotionally). I’ve asked the same question many times about divorce. Islam always says I’m within my rights to leave. However, I think it will not necessarily make me happier to divorce him as happiness in any alternate situation is not necessarily guaranteed. According to hadith, of all permissible things, divorce is the most hated to Allah. And I want to do as much as I can to please Allah because my relationship with Allah is the primary and most important one in my life. Also, there is the example of Sawdah, may Allah be pleased with her. She was a wife of our Prophet (Sal). She was an old woman as compared to Rasul (sal), and she wanted to please her husband. She knew that he especially liked to be with Aishah (Ral), so she gifted her nights that the Prophet (sal) was supposed to be with her (Sawdah (ral)) to Aishah (ral). So Sawdah (ral) gave up some of her rights (for conjugal relations and quality time with her husband) for the sake of pleasing her husband, the Messenger of Allah (sal), and Allah. So, she, as one of the Mothers of the Believers is an example for any muslimah who might choose to follow her mother’s noble example. Nevertheless, dear sister, I don’t mean to sway your decision one way or the other as Allah knows what is best for you. You could do the istakhara prayer where you make a decision as to whether you will stay or go, then tell Allah your intention and then ask Him, “if it is right for me, make it work out easily, but if it is wrong for me, then guide me to what is right for me and remove the desire for anything other than Your perfect will from my heart.” In my case, I’ve decided to stay with my husband though I have to battle with my mind every now and then. But Allah has helped me a great deal and is helping me and I have become more content and calm with time. I’m thankful to even have a husband and I was lonely for a long time. And I know many girl who wish only to be married! I have many blessings in this marriage and in my life. So, I choose to meditate on that and on the fact that there are people who have far less than me. As this article points out, our less spiritually developed human nature tends always crave and we tend perceive lack and overlook the many blessings Allah has already bestowed on us. If we become more spiritually mature, we will savor each and every little thing more – we will see each thing as a gift and love from Allah and enjoy each moment. The whole point of our existence is to achieve the Victory of contentment and joy in whatever Allah gives us. We are to have peace in the storm aka peace that passes understanding — that is indeed the True Victory and Achievement in our lives. Much love and peace to you sister – may Allah grant you that Victory and may He reward you abundantly for any hardships. Believers can’t lose – Allah uses all occasions – good or bad – to bless them ultimately.
fairuz
June 2, 2016 at 8:16 AM
A.a
Great post i refer to it everytime i feel sad about my condition.
Jazzakallah.
Sakeenah Begum
October 16, 2016 at 1:30 PM
Great post mashaAllah. However, it’s not our place to “guess” why any one woman cannot conceive or compare her status to Aisha (RA). It’s a test from Allah definitely. May Allah swt ease the struggles of those struggling with infertility. Ameen
http://sakeenahbegum.com/lets-talk-infertility/
Anonymous
February 13, 2018 at 11:09 AM
Asakamualiakum sister. First of all may Allah bless and reward you for writing this very much needed article regarding infertility. I like some others have been struggling with infertility for many years. I was very emotional and just had been asking Allah SWT for reasons that my husband and I could not conceive when the doctors can’t find anything wrong with us alhumdulillah. I have developed a strong connection with Allah SWT to help me get through emotional times but I was struggling again and made dua and that is when alhumdulillah i came across your article and it was as if Allah SWT wanted me to understand and comprehend everything you said in your article. SubhanAllah!
I just ask all the readers to not think of this article as something light and be offended by choice of words and examples – rather look at it positively and how it is actually benefiting the community which it was written for. Infertility is by far one of the biggest struggles that I have experienced in my life and just reading verses and quotes as the author has compiled from the Quran which is Allah SWT’s words, along with examples of Zakariya and Aisha (RA) and what I can do as a Muslim to still create hope for InshAllah one day fulfilling the earthly desire to become a mother has raised my spirits and brings a message of peace and calm in the internal storm that one faces on a daily basis. Again – jazakAllah for this article – you will be in my Duas and I hope I will be in yours! Asalamualaikum!
Dee
April 4, 2018 at 10:23 AM
MashaAllah. Thank you for sharing and for the reminder. You have helped me find peace, acceptance and further affirmation of my position and potential in this world. May we always remember to help one another even just by passing on phrases, good stories or dua. We sometimes forget that not only children that needs help and compassion but adults too, to strive in this challenging life. May peace be upon you.