Recap of the “Family Troubles of the Prophets” Series

Also in this series: Sibling Rivalries Gone Wild [Part 1]

There’s no such thing as a perfect family; just take a look at the families of the prophets. But still, many of us experiencing particularly trying family dynamics may also feel ashamed, self-conscious, isolated, and maybe even tainted. Finding the stories of complex family situations in the Quran can be a salve and source of solace when we are grappling with the shame and feelings of isolation having dysfunctional families can bring. Whether it’s struggling with bad relationships with siblings or failing to parent kids out of control, the stories of the prophets hold up a mirror for us to see the messiness within families. 

Prophet Yaqub and Sons Out of Control

If we hear of a family today where all the others bully one sibling, we may ask – well, what are the parents doing about it? We know that Prophet Yaqub was a divinely guided Prophet of Allah , and we all look up to our Prophets with great respect. But also try to imagine Prophet Yaqub as a regular dad agonizing over what sinister plots his out-of-control sons might cook up to hurt Yusuf . Think of how desperately he wanted to protect Yusuf and find a way to repair the relationships between his children. Imagine the frustration he endured when he saw or came to know of another messed up thing one of them had done to poor Yusuf . How about we picture the urgent conversations he’s had with his wife or trusted friends and all the solutions he had tried but failed? 

Imagining Prophet Yaqub’s predicament in such a way helps us better empathize and sympathize with him as parents. And when we consider that a Prophet himself could not have better managed the dynamics between his children to the extent that one was nearly murdered, it puts our own suffering into context. It helps us realize that as parents, we can only do so much. Not everything is in our control. Even though we are the heads of our families, sometimes our children will not conform to the transparent divides of right and wrong we guide them towards.

“He said, ‘O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy. Surely Satan is a sworn enemy to humankind.“ [Surah Yusuf; 12:5] 

Prophet Yaqub had the wisdom to accept that his influence wasn’t the only factor that swayed his children. He acknowledges that Shaytan and the forces of evil are powerful and that his children could fall prey to them. Of course, he still tried to protect Yusuf and call his sons back to the truth, but there was only so much he can do, as guidance is ultimately in Allah’s Hands.

“And they brought upon his shirt false blood. [Jacob] said, ‘Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help against that which you describe.'” [Surah Yusuf: 12;18]

Prophet Yusuf [alayhis] faced personal grief on an elevated level. [PC: Bernd Dittrich (unsplash)]

Prophet Yaqub shows us how to live with the reality that Allah guides only some people and not all. Imagine Prophet Yaqub as an average father. It would be excruciating for any father to endure a situation in which his children killed anyone out of spite. How disappointed would any parent be to find out such horrifying news? But when we factor in that his sons killed their sibling, one of his children–that makes it so much worse because he is facing personal grief on an additional level. He might never see his favorite son again, and the world may have lost a Prophet. This incredible patience and resiliency of spirit, even though it devastates Prophet Yaqub to the extent that it causes him to lose his eyesight, is a powerful reminder of the hardships that any parent can suffer at the hands of their disobedient children. The silver lining in Prophet Yaqub’s story is that his sons eventually repent from their terrible deed, and his family reunite. As struggling parents, we can try our best to endure our situations patiently and keep turning to Allah to guide our children. 

Prophet Nuh and a Disobedient Son

We know that Prophet Nuh famously leads his followers safely through a catastrophic flood. We might also know that Prophet Nuh could not save his son’s life during the flood. Although he calls out to his son directly and invites him aboard the ship [Surah Hud; 11:42], his son then refuses in a very ignorant way. Prophet Nuh’s son’s reply shows his lack of faith in Allah as the All-Powerful God. His son says in the Quran,

“[But] he said, “I will take refuge on a mountain to protect me from the water.” [Noah] said, “There is no protector today from the decree of Allah, except for whom He gives mercy.” And the waves came between them, and he was among the drowned.” [Surah Hud: 11;43]

“I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water,” he says. Prophet Nuh desperately gives him sincere advice and dawah, immediately responding, “Today no one is protected from Allah’s decree…” But his son does not accept his father’s final plea. Waves separate them, and his son drowns. 

Do we not think that Prophet Nuh tried his best to give da’wah to his son and teach him the truth for many years before the flood? We know what an intimate bond a father and son share and how much facetime they must have had living as a family. He must have been one of the best role models a child could ever ask for…but still, even though Prophet Nuh fought until the last second to protect and guide his son, he was ultimately unable to save his son from Allah’s terrifying punishment. 

Imagine how much heartbreak Nuh feels when he realizes that he has managed to save the lives of elephants and dozens of random animals, but not one of his own flesh and blood. In the following verses of Surat Hud, Allah reveals just how challenging it is for Nuh to see his son drown in front of his eyes. He says to Allah , “‘Certainly my son is also of my family,’’’ conveying the deep hurt he feels when his son dies [Surah Hud, 11:45]. Nuh is referring to Allah’s Decree in ayah 40, where Allah uses the Arabic word “ahlika,” your family, to describe the people that Nuh is responsible for collecting onto the ship. In ayah 46, Allah replies,

‘He said, “O Noah, indeed he is not of your family; indeed, he is [one whose] work was other than righteous, so ask Me not for that about which you have no knowledge. Indeed, I advise you, lest you be among the ignorant.”

Some scholars have mentioned the word “ahl” in these verses in Surat Hud and also in Surat al-Anbiya, which is better defined as followers than family. Still, there is obviously some linguistic allowance for Nuh to feel confused about why his son died. As his story in this surah continues, we see that Nuh obediently accepts Allah’s Will with Prophetic patience – but that does not detract from how painful his situation truly is. 

We know Nuh tries to guide his son until the very end, but it is not enough. There are Muslim parents out there who are living the same reality. They have tried and tried to help guide their children towards Islam and leading upright lives for years. Through no deficiency of their own, Allah had decreed that their children would never accept divine guidance, and their children have died outside of a state of submission to Allah .

Just like Nuh vocalizes in Surat Hud, parents in similar situations may feel unimaginable grief and confusion. Maybe there is the addition of shame when going to the masjid or out to community events because of the rumors surrounding this child. Although these parents suffer from a painful situation, it is a small comfort that they are in the great company of Prophet Nuh and can make his heart-wrenching dua during difficult times:

“[Noah] said, “My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking that of which I have no knowledge. And unless You forgive me and have mercy upon me, I will be among the losers.” [Surah Al-Hud: 11;47]

Some of us parents may have children who have done terrible things. It could be a child who has committed murder, stopped praying or renounced their faith, has a haram lifestyle with romantic relationships or substance use, or acts in hurtful ways to their parents, whom they should respect the most in this world. Understanding the plight of Prophets Yaqub and Nuh at an intimate level helps those of us who are facing the unthinkable cope with the reality that we cannot always control our children.

Related:

– Did The Prophet ﷺ Wear Glasses? – Raising Your Children To Be Resilient Muslims

– Parenting Older Kids: Focusing On Success In The Deen