A Ramadan Quran Journal: A MuslimMatters Series – [Juz 19] Of Plans, Parenting And Genocide

This Ramadan, MuslimMatters reached out to our regular (and not-so-regular) crew of writers asking them to share their reflections on various ayahs/surahs of the Quran, ideally with a focus on a specific juz – those that may have impacted them in some specific way or have influenced how they approach both life and deen. While some contributors are well-versed in at least part of the Quranic Sciences, not all necessarily are, but reflect on their choices as a way of illustrating that our Holy Book is approachable from various human perspectives.

Introducing, A Ramadan Quran Journal: A MuslimMatters Series

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Of Plans, Parenting & Genocide

by Hiba Masood

I love how we console each other with verses from the Quran. I love how we gear up for the last ten nights of Ramadan. I love that we’re thrilled if someone we know is invited for Umrah. I love that if one of us sneezes the other has a blessed response. I love how every time someone has praised my work they have given me a dua’.

I love Muslims with an earnestness that hurts. The Ummah is my most favorite thing in the world. To see it in pain gives me a deep searing grief. And to work for it, the greatest privilege I had never imagined to be afforded.

Recent months have made clear that the past was a mirage and the future is uncertain. We need strength and optimism to face whatever lies ahead. We need a plan. With a capital P.

Each and every one of us must urgently and immediately consider how we can expand our circle of influence, how we can be distributors of truth and goodness in our respective communities, how far into these turbulent waters we can throw the net of tawheed and righteousness, what changes we must make to life to become leaders and raise warriors in the army of Allah .

You know, those warriors we gave birth to. The ones in the next room right now, probably squabbling over iPad time.

The more I worry over how my kids are turning out and the more I see the ummah suffering, the more focussed my dua’ has become. I find myself suddenly unable to pray anything but the one specific dua’ which keeps coming to mind and tongue, almost unbidden. Again and again, I recite:

˹They are˺ those who pray, “Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes, and make us leaders for the righteous.” [Surah Al-Furqan: 25;74]

Every time I see a brave man from Gaza consoling his family with verses from the Quran, I recite:

emphasis on the part about the pious spouse.

Every time I see a Palestinian mother weeping over her lost children, I recite:

emphasis on the part about my children being the coolness of my eyes.

Every time I feel a deep and urgent sense of responsibility to create more for the ummah of kids, I recite:

emphasis on the part about being a leader for the righteous.

It’s such a beautiful and comprehensive ayah, this verse in Surah Furqan. And it comes near the end of a long list of ayahs that encompass those qualities that define the true servants of the Merciful.

I want to focus on being a Servant of the Merciful. Very much. Except…

“I don’t know much about the red heifers.”
“I don’t know when Dajjal is coming.”
“I don’t know when or how Israel will stop.”

My kids ask me questions all day long and most of my answers start with “I don’t know.”

So instead I tell them what I do know: that my most fervent dua’ has become to work for the Ummah till the day I die.

I tell them that instead of letting anxiety and frustration over this brutal life shake my heart and worry my mind, I’ve made my Plan. I’m going to channel all my energy into the kids. Not just them, I hastily reassure them as mild panic flits across their faces. All Muslim kids.

My friend said, “the education of Muslim kids needs to be tackled like it’s a state of emergency.” Teaching is something I know. So I am on board immediately.

So just like I ask my kids, I tell parents to ask their kids: What are the three most important sites for Muslims? Makkah, Madina, Masjid Al Aqsa. What is Palestine? Count off defining virtues together: A beautiful place of olives and oranges. The land of Masjid Al Aqsa, where Prophet Isa was born, where RasulAllah went on his night journey to the heavens, where countless Prophets are buried, a place Allah said is filled with blessings.

If you can, ask them what is happening in Palestine? Keep your voice steady as you teach them the answer you want to hear, the CORRECT answer: A genocide. A violent occupation. By an illegal settler colonial entity called Israel. Listen to their subsequent (brilliant) questions and correct, console, muse, and marvel with them, even as you wonder inside, in situations like now, what is our role as parents, as Muslims, as guardians of the future of this Ummah.

I understand what we tell our children about the world and how we tell it, has always been a deeply personal thing for us mothers. There’s no right or wrong way or maybe there’s only wrong ways. We’ll find out later I guess. Some of us will avoid talking about reality entirely, some of us will say a lot of I don’t knows, some of us will gloss over the uglier parts and some of us will share a few really hard truths and then question ourselves as our kids’ eyes fill with tears.

How lovely to have such choices.

That’s what Black parents say when White parents don’t want to talk about race.

How lovely to have such choices.

That’s what I find myself thinking every time my kids argue over who is going to get more pieces of brownies at iftar. “Think of the kids in Gaza!” I want to scream at them approximately 75 times a day. But they are little. And there is only so much empathy I can ask of them after a long day of fasting.

Alhamdulillah, they are fasting. And like the ayah says, they are the “coolness of my eyes”. They really truly are. They are so good and sweet and earnest. Except…

I don’t know when my kids will learn the first 10 ayahs of Surah Kahf.
I don’t know if my kids would be able to stand hunger.
I don’t know how ready my kids are for what lies ahead.

More I don’t knows creep into my head.

I make another plan.

At the very least, as we muddle through this thing called “parenting during genocide”, we MUST give some general aqeedah-building thoughts to our babies. You know, the things we know:

“Nothing is fair in this world. Many things are frightening. Allah is bigger than all our ideas of fear and fairness. It’s all going to go from bad to worse. Terrible things are yet to be seen. As believers, we *know* how this is going to play out. (spoiler alert: we win in the end, Allahumma ameen.)”

Knowing what’s up ahead and how to cope with it is the great gift of Islamic knowledge.

And in case you need a few concrete steps on this, here we go:

For our Muslim kids and their future generations to be pious spouses, coolness of eyes, leaders of the believers, and prepared for a free Palestine, they must possess two essential character traits:

Strength + Optimism

Strength and optimism in a Muslim comes from five elements that, as parents, we must provide to Muslim kids:

1. Nurture unshakeable belief in the truth of Islam and every verse of the Quran
2. Equip them with deep knowledge about the past, present, and future
3. Train their minds to have correct thoughts and thinking patterns
4. Build courage and sturdiness in them and ourselves
5. Keep them connected to righteous people and the community of believers

Well, this is my plan anyways. This…and verse 25:74 on anxious repeat: 

“Our Lord! BLESS US with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes, and make us leaders for the righteous.”

Emphasis on bless us, bless us, bless us.

What about you? What’s your plan?

Related:

– 5 Steps To Grow From Passive To Active Bystanders During The Genocide Of Gaza

– My Starry Night – How Van Gogh Gave Me A Glimpse of Allah’s Plan