Akhlāq. The entire message of Islam and the reason why Allah sent us a Messenger is to perfect noble manners.

إنما بعثتُ لأتمم مكارم الأخلاق

“The only reason I have been sent to mankind is to perfect noble manners.”¹https://sunnah.com/urn/2302710

What is the importance of good manners? Is there an Islamic framework for character development?

What is Akhlāq?

The term akhlāq is the plural of the word “khuluq.” It is from the same root as the verb khalaqa, which means “to create.” A noun derived from khalaqa is “khalq,” which means “a creation.” Considering both of these words together (khalq/creation and khuluq/manner) encompasses the totality of a person’s composition. Khalq refers to the outer self – the body or a person’s size, shape, and features. Khuluq refers to the inner self – how one’s soul has been created, one’s mannerisms, and the way one interacts with others. Thus, each person has two elements that make them who they are: their outer self and their inner self.

The Three Types of Akhlāq

Our scholars have divided akhlāq into three categories, and the Prophet came to perfect all three of them:

• The first is akhlāq between a person and Allah . This includes aspects of faith and theology, such as believing in Allah alone and having tawakkul in Him.
• The second is akhlāq with the rest of mankind. It covers our dealings with other people, such as being patient, just, and forgiving. It also includes having a clean heart.
• The third is akhlāq with oneself in a person’s private life. Doing things well or completing tasks with perfection are examples of this category.

The Importance of, and Reward for Having Good Akhlāq

We can understand the importance of good character through its great reward in the Hereafter. The Prophet said it is “very likely that a person will reach the highest levels of the one who fasts every day and the one who prays tahajjud every night, simply because of their akhlāq.”²https://sunnah.com/abudawud:4798

Our good akhlāq has the potential to trump our ritual acts of worship! The Prophet also said that “the heaviest matter on the Day of Judgment in a person’s scales is their akhlāq.”³https://sunnah.com/urn/2302682

Lastly, on the importance of and reward for good character, the Prophet said, “Among the things that cause people to enter Paradise the most is the best khuluq.”  Never trivialize having good character! It is heavy on the scales in the Hereafter and a mechanism by which one enters Jannah.

The Nature of a Person’s Character: Born with It or Under Our Control?

A Muslim should have good character as Allah specifies it, and its reward is immense. But all this talk about akhlāq begs the question: is it something a person is in control of or something innate that a person is born with?

1. The Foundational Character a Person is Born with

To answer this question, let’s first consider an example that every parent with multiple children knows. Each child is born with certain dispositions. For example, one child may be more patient, another may anger more quickly, and another may tolerate more pain –and they’re all from the same parents and raised in the same family! The concept of different akhlāq within different people is what we learn precisely from the sunnah in the next three ahadith.

 – The Chieftain Ashajj Blessed with Two Good Characteristics

A chieftain named Ashajj ibn Qays accepted Islam at the hands of the Prophet . (The following interchange between the Prophet and Ashajj is paraphrased)

The Prophet praised him and said, “You have two manners that Allah loves. The first is that you control your anger. The second is that you think before you act.”

So Ashajj asked, “Did I acquire these two characteristics with my own skills, or did Allah already cause me to have them?”

The Prophet responded, “Allah blessed you to have them.”

And Ashajj said, “Alhamdulillah Allah gave me two characteristics that Allah and His Messenger love.”⁴https://sunnah.com/adab:587

In reading this conversation, we see an example of the Prophet praising a person for good characteristics that Allah created him with.

 – Assigning Akhlāq Like Bestowing Wealth

In another hadith, the Prophet said that “Allah has distributed your akhlāq like He has distributed your wealth.”⁵https://sunnah.com/urn/2302730

This simile makes it easy to understand how different people are given blessings differently since we know of some examples of both rich and poor people. Some people are born wealthy, others are born the children of kings, while yet others are born in deprived social-economic circumstances. Moreover, some people acquire wealth very easily, and others acquire wealth with difficulty. All of this Allah has apportioned! Moreover, a unique test is in all of these situations: namely, a test of patience in hardship or a test of gratefulness in ease.

 – People Being from Different Categories of Character

Another hadith that addresses the question of innate character is as follows. The Prophet said, “Allah created the sons of Adam on different levels. Some of them get angry quickly and forgive quickly. Some of them get angry slowly and forgive slowly. Others get angry quickly and forgive slowly. And some of them get angry slowly and forgive quickly.”

All four combinations of anger or forgiveness and speed are mentioned here. He went on to say, “The best of those are the ones who get angry slowly and forgive quickly.” Allah created each of us in one of these four different categories.

2. Taking Accountability for One’s Character Improvement

A Baseline Akhlāq

If it’s the case that people are born with certain dispositions of their akhlāq, then couldn’t we ask: if Allah created me as an impatient person, then it isn’t my fault if I act impatiently, right? The same could apply to any other character issue, like an angry person being quick to say harsh and hurtful things to others when enraged. So what’s the answer?

There is no doubt that the akhlāq we are born with is part of our “spiritual DNA”, of sorts. However, this fact doesn’t give us the excuse to stay at our status quo for the remainder of our lives. Every single characteristic is under our control, and we have the power to affect it. We have a baseline akhlāq set from our spiritual DNA; then, in our lives, it is our responsibility to change some of that baseline akhlāq into something better with the help and will of Allah .

Four Ways to Improve our Akhlāq:

What are some practical ways for us to change our akhlāq? Think of this as Akhlāq-U: a university approach that moves step-wise from theory to case studies to practicum and tops it all off with the power of dua’.

1. Knowledge: Theory

We begin with gaining knowledge to improve ourselves, as we begin with knowledge for anything we undertake. First, we have to learn essential facts about akhlāq. In the Quran, we see the example of Luqman teaching his son akhlāq. Yes, his son was born with his own spiritual DNA, and Luqman’s instruction shows us there is room for his son to learn and change.

Some useful things to know are:

• What are the categories of akhlāq?
• What are the blessings of this particular khuluq?
• What are the dangers of not having a specific khuluq?
• What do the Quran and sunnah say about this khuluq?

2. Role Models: Case Studies

We should have role models that exemplify good akhlāq in real-life. The Prophet is the best example that Muslims can begin with. The Quran gives us two proofs for this. First,

“Your akhlaq, ya Rasul Allah, is the highest of all.” [Surat Al-Qalam:68;4]

Allah also says,

“You have the perfect role model in the Prophet …” [Surah Al-‘Aĥzāb:33;21]

We can start with seeing the Prophet implementing akhlāq in the seerah and then find examples from the companions and in our own lives with those who are better than us. Living examples and past examples we can see and emulate are all role models we can utilize as case studies.

3. Learning through Personal Experiences: Practicum

The next way of improving akhlāq is the practical application of theoretical study. For example, a person goes to university and gains knowledge, but they go through their practicum once they start an internship. Each of us has to monitor how we can apply different manners in our lives. We must learn from our mistakes and even from trial and error. The Prophet says in a  hadith in Tirmidhi:

إنَّما العِلمُ بالتَّعلُّمِ والحلمُ بالتَّحلُّمِ

“Knowledge is gained through seeking it or acquiring it.” Not passively through osmosis. It’s not like a person can fall asleep with a chemistry textbook under their head and then wake up the next morning knowing the material. They must study it!

Hilm, mentioned in the second part of the hadith, means for a person to conquer their anger. “And conquering anger is acquired bit by bit.” We must experience anger in our lives and grow to conquer it. Once we know the theory and have some good examples, the learning process in our lives is the next step.

4. Dua’

Making dua’ to Allah is the final tool that we can use to improve their akhlāq. The Prophet made a dua’ for his own akhlāq. “Allah guide me to the best of all akhlāq. For none can guide other than you.” Notice how the Prophet is making dua’ to Allah about akhlāq here. Once we have the foundation that Allah has blessed us with, we strive to achieve better. We learn, observe the role models in our lives, gain wisdom from experiences in our lives, and make dua’ to Allah .  

Being Rewarded for the Struggle

When a person whom Allah has not given a certain khuluq, masters the khuluq through their own efforts, that person gets a higher reward than a person whom Allah has blessed with that khuluq. For example, two people handle an identical situation with exactly the same amount of patience. However, one of them was blessed with a patient nature and the other one was created with an angry one. When the person who is angry by nature acts with patience and suppresses their anger, Allah will reward them more than the person born with patience. Even if the two people are outwardly doing the same thing, the one who puts in more effort will be rewarded much more than the other.

We all know our own weaknesses. When we strive to perfect and conquer those weaknesses, our rewards will be relative to the efforts we have put in.  

May Allah grant us the best of all akhlāq and make us the best role models following the Prophet . Ameen.

[This article is a transcript of Dr. Yasir Qadhi’s “The Manners of The Believers – Part 1: Are Manners Inherent or Acquired?” video lecture, as transcribed by Meena Malik]

Related reading:

– The Prophet And Good Character In The Quran

The Prophet And Good Character In The Quran: IOK Ramadan Reflections Series #29

– The Prophet’s Character

The Prophet’s Character