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Loving Muslim Marriage Episode #8: Female Orgasm

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Have you ever heard the myth that women only need to orgasm every 3-5 years, if at all? If you heard it packaged as “Islamic” advice, then you’re neither the only one. Cultural myths likes these sometimes make their way into mainstream Muslim culture disguised as wisdom, only to create problems for men, women, and marriages across the board.

Cultural myths about female orgasm - or the lack thereof - make their way into Muslim culture and hurt Muslims and their marriages. Click To Tweet

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Saba Syed (aka Umm Reem) is the author of International award winning novel, "An Acquaintance."Saba has a BA degree in Islamic Studies. She studied Arabic Language & Literature at Qatar University and at Cairo Institute in Egypt. She also received her Ijaazah in Quranic Hafs recitation in Egypt from Shaikh Muhammad al-Hamazawi.She had been actively involved with Islamic community since 1995 through her MSA, and then as a founding member of TDC, and other community organizations. in 2002, she organized and hosted the very first "Musim Women's Conference" in Houston, TX. Since then, she's been passionately working towards empowering Muslim women through the correct and untainted teachings of Islam.She is a pastoral counselor for marriage & family, women and youth issues. She has hosted several Islamic lectures and weekly halaqas in different communities all over U.S and overseas, also hosted special workshops regarding parenting, Islamic sex-ed, female sexuality, and marital intimacy.

3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Spirituality

    December 4, 2019 at 8:14 PM

    Jazakum Allahu Khayran. I am really enjoying the series.

    After listening to the episodes so far, I am wondering:

    My understanding is that most scholars view Muslim marriage as a contact in which a man provides financially for a woman in return for her being sexually available to him.

    Are they wrong? Is marriage actually defined differently? Perhaps there is more nuance?

    Because if marriage is defined in such a limited fashion, no wonder both men and women do not consider women’s sexual needs and fulfillment as important, while both consider men’s sexual needs as absolutely paramount.

    • Avatar

      Naeem

      December 31, 2019 at 6:47 PM

      That is not how Islam or most scholars view the Muslim marriage at all.

      The Quran and Hadith clearly reflect how Allah swt created male and female to pair with each other for comfort and support and to enjoin in goodness etc…

  2. Avatar

    Naeem

    December 31, 2019 at 6:41 PM

    Thank you for raising such an important topic…

    Unfortunately, the presenters gave Hollywood examples and yet did not share or explain the hadiths that quote Rasul Allah saw placing great importance on men to use foreplay, to take their time intimately and also to try to “pleasure” their wife etc…

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Benefiting From The Majesty Of Divine Will | Thirteen Points In Making The Best Of The Situation

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In the Name of God most Merciful Most Compassionate

Peace Be Upon Prophet Mohammad, His Family, Companions and Brothers. Ameen

“God will never punish them while they are seeking forgiveness” (al-Anfāl, 8:33)

As we observe imposed isolation or social distancing to prevent the spread of the virus that has disrupted life as we know it, maintaining and elevating our faith becomes both a necessity and a great opportunity. The awakened believer is the one who never excludes the hand of God in everything that happens in the world–good or bad. We ask Allah Almighty to show us kindness and mercy in everything that He decrees for us.

“And We have already sent [messengers] to nations before you, [O Muhammad]; then We seized them with poverty and hardship that perhaps they might humble themselves [to Us]. (42) Then why, when Our punishment came to them, did they not humble themselves? But their hearts became hardened, and Satan made attractive to them that which they were doing. (43) So when they forgot that by which they had been reminded, We opened to them the doors of every [good] thing until, when they rejoiced in that which they were given, We seized them suddenly, and they were [then] in despair. (44)” (al-An’ām, 6:42-44)

Now is the time of seeking forgiveness and repenting to Allah. Now is the time we seek the counsel of our rich tradition in how to deal with collective and universal calamities and hardship. The awakened believer looks at what Allah brings about in His universe with a Divine Light and resists the calls of ignorance and heedlessness in any form they appear.

From the pure well of Prophetic guidance we draw thirteen beautiful, practical, and spiritual counsels:

The pandemic that is frightening everyone is the creation of Allah released by His Power for reasons He only knows. Losing sight of this basic fact is a sign of the blindness of our inner eyes. And your Lord creates what He wills and chooses; not for them was the choice. Exalted is Allah and high above what they associate with Him. (Al-Qaṣaṣ, 28:68)

1. When the Masjids are closed and Jumu’ah is suspended and the Honored Ka’bah and the Prophetic Mosque are emptied and there is rampant panic, the guided believer rushes to Istighfār. Let’s repeat and teach our children and households one of these Prophetic expressions of seeking forgiveness:

 Astaghfirullāh wa Atūbu ilayhi, at least 100 times a day. (Muslim)

أَسْتَغفِرُ اللهَ وَ أَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ

or

 Rabbī Ighfir Lī wa Tub ‘alayya Innaka Anta Attawābu ArRahīm, at least 100 times a  day. ( Al-Tirmidhī, Abū Dāwūd, Ibn Mājah)

رَبِّ اغْفِرْ لِي، وَتُبْ عَلَيَّ، إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرحيم 

The Best time for Istighfār is before Fajr.

Let’s be among those who seek the forgiveness before dawn that God praised in the Qur’ān:

“Those who say, “Our Lord, indeed we have believed, so forgive us our sins and protect us from the punishment of the Fire,” the patient, the true, the obedient, those who spend [in the way of Allah], and those who seek forgiveness before dawn.” (Āl-‘Imrān, 3:17)

2. Pray two Rak’āt of repentance often throughout the day.

3. Make our living spaces spiritual abodes by designating a place in the house as a Muṣallā. This is a forgotten Sunnah that the companions of the Prophet, God bless him and grant him peace, established. Let’s revive this Sunnah in our homes.

4. Perform prayers at the beginning of the time in congregation with an Adhān and Iqāma (assign our children to do so). If we can’t pray together while we are all quarantined in our houses then we surely have a bigger problem than coronavirus.

5. Stay after the prayers in your place and make Du’ā’ and Istighfār.

6. Don’t miss any Sunnah prayers before or after the obligatory prayers.

  • Make it a habit to pray Ḍuḥā prayer after sunrise or by midmorning as 2, 4, 6, or 8 Raka’āt.
  • The Prophet, God bless him and grant him peace, used to say that the prayer of Ḍuḥā is the prayer of the Awwābīn (repenters). (Muslim, Ibn Abī Shaybah, al-Ḥākim, Ibn Khuzaymah).
  • 4 Raka’at before Dhụhr and 2 after. 2 Raka’āt before Aṣr. 2 Before Maghrib and 6 after. 2 before Ishā’ and 4 after.
  • Make your Witr a Prophetic Witr: 11 Raka’āt before Fajr. If you can’t wake up, then pray it after Ishā’.

7. Read the Qur’ān every day even if just for 15 minutes.

8. Constant Dhikr and remembrance of Allah Ta’ālā with all kind of expressions while giving precedence to the expression of Tawḥīd لا إله إلا الله   since it is the best expression of Dhikr as the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said. (Al-Tirmidhī)

9. Be a good subordinate and adhere to your community’s collective decisions and experts regarding gatherings, Jamā’ah prayers, Jumu’ah, social distancing, and cleanliness. Our recalcitrance and selfishness sometimes appears in a religious form. At times of hardship going against the consensus is spiritually damaging even when we realize that we might be partially right. Not all debates have to be won.

من أطاع الأمير فقد أطاعني 

Whoever obeys the leader has indeed obeyed me.” (Muslim, al-Bukhārī)

10. The best among us are those who are the best to their spouses. Spending more time with each other should add to our compassion and respect for each other. Let us understand that   everyone going through this situation is experiencing a level of anxiety that might affect their normal behavior. Many of us are not used to staying at home for such a long period. Let this be an opportunity to connect with each other and strengthen the bonds of the family. Let’s Fear The Thieves !! (See point 12.)

11. Attend at least one of the online events that your community is offering even if you know everything that is known about the religion. Showing the sentiments of solidarity by attending these events encourages those who spend time preparing and sacrificing their time to continue their Da’wah work that is necessary for the community.

12. Fear the thieves for yourselves and your loved ones: None of the suggestions above will bear any fruit in advancing our cause with Allah and in bringing us towards a genuine reconciliation with ourselves if we spend all day with WhatsApp, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Netflix and such. In the digital wasteland and on our phones or glued to the TV all day, sharing and re-sharing nonsense makes us lost, nonsensical and trivial people. The last thing we want to find ourselves doing is spreading forgetfulness and heedlessness under the guise of spreading useful information.

Let’s not readily and voluntarily enlist as the agents of Shaytan at the time we have to be servants of God. Think before you send anything shared with you because you will be asked about it. One post a day is too much for those who are busy with all the obligations we all have. By now, everything that needs to be known about the epidemic has probably reached all corners of the globe. Let’s be wary of succumbing to the appeals of our lower selves or nafs and finding ourselves losing this great opportunity with Allah. The same advice goes for our children as it is a great opportunity for them to be creative in how they constructively spend their leisure time.

13. Give in charity, no matter how small, to your local and national Muslim organizations who might be going through difficulty meeting the needs of those who have lost their wages due to the freezing of the economy. This is both a pandemic and an economic crisis and sadaqa is our spiritual remedy to financial matters.

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Imam Mohamed Magid Fighting Anti-Semitism on CNN

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Imam Mohamed Magid joined a group of Muslim leaders from around the world to visit the former Nazi death camp Auschwitz-Birkenau in Poland. Auschwitz consisted of over 40 concentration and extermination camps run by Nazi Germany during World War II and the Holocaust where more than a million people massacred by the Third Reich during World War II.

Imams from all over the world including Bosnia and Herzegovina, Jordan, India, Palestine, Turkey, the United States, and other countries came together to pray for the victims of the Holocaust. The visit also marked the 75th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz by the Red Army in 1945.

Mohamed Magid, the President of the Islamic Society of North America said that the stories behind the camp were very touching and the world should condemn antisemitism before adding, “What can I say? I am speechless.”

The visit to the Auschwitz Memorial is part of a memorandum of understanding signed between the Muslim World League and the American Jewish Committee to educate the Muslim clergy about the Holocaust.

Constructed in Nazi-occupied Poland in 1940, more than 1.1 million people were killed in the Auschwitz concentration camp – 1 million of which were Jews. Imam Mohamed Magid also made news last year when he spoke at a Trump event. He explained his logic for speaking at the event by referring to the example of Prophet Muhammad (saw), saying that, “he used to speak to people who disagreed with him, people who spoke ill of him, and he engaged them. And I do believe that in order for people to understand who we are, we have to engage with them.”

In previous years, Imam Magid was joined by other American imams including Yasir Qadhi, a Houston-born Imam who earned his PhD from Yale University and is currently the Dean of Academic Affairs for TISA (The Islamic Seminary of America). The tragic events of 9/11 caused him to return to the United States, in order to, as he puts it, ‘…build bridges of understanding between Americans and Muslims.’

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Dr. Ihsan Bagby Fighting Hate Speech

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This January 22nd, Muslims from all over the state of Kentucky arrived at the State Capitol Building in Frankfurt for the first Muslim Day.  Attendees pray in the Rotunda and received training on how to advocate for issues affecting the Muslim community. They came with a message of love, but unfortunately, some were met with hate. Muslim students attending the first Kentucky Muslim Day at the state’s Capital were met by a group of protesters who shouted hateful speech at the children over megaphones. 

Ihsan Bagby, a local leader and an associate professor in the department of Islamic Studies at the University of Kentucky, spoke at the events in Frankfort and was interviewed by local station WKYT. He explained that for many of the children, it was their first encounter with hateful speech against Muslims, and while the experience was presented on behalf of Christian beliefs, he emphasized that the Muslim community’s relationship with the Christian community was cordial.  “I don’t think that is the Christian message,” said Bagby. “I can’t imagine Jesus doing that.”

Dr. Ihsan Bagby  is a researcher whose work  focuses on Muslims in America. In 2001, he published the results of the first comprehensive study of mosques in America, entitled The Mosque in America: A National Portrait. He is a well-published author and received his PhD in Near Eastern studies from the University of Michigan.

Waheeda Muhammad, chair of the Kentucky chapter of the Council on American Islamic Relations, said one of the goals of the event is to clear up misconceptions about the Islamic faith.

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