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Hijab Fixation: Deciding Our Heaven And Hell

Hijab itself is not the issue, rather it is the forceful approach that starts the damage. Sometimes a girl is not convinced of her faith yet. She may have questions that she is afraid to ask. She may have doubts that need to be addressed and discussed wisely. But, while she’s struggling with internal conflicts and confusions, she’s forced to wear something that’s not only spiritually symbolic but takes a lot of strength to put on.

 

 

 

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One day my 18-year-old son, messaged me:

Then the next day, he sent me screen shots of a conversation that took place between him and his friends on Twitter.

Before I share those tweets, I just want the readers to know that these young men’s ages range between 18-21. They are raised in practicing Muslim families by parents whose second home is the masjid.

They are well-mannered, polite and the kind of boys you would want your son to be friends with.

girls who dont wear hijab tweet

Girl who don't wear hijab hell

Hijab in Islamic School

A few more comments from different young men.

Boys commenting on hijab

My daughter chimed in.


The conversation continued, diving head-first into the complex connections between faith, free agency, external modesty and internal righteousness, but this is not an article about any of those things. Nor is this about the obligation of hijab. Hijab is an obligation— that is not up for discussion.

Rather, this piece is about how forcing hijab on our girls is a damaging mistake that fails to meet its end goal- a woman’s ownership of her spiritual submission to Allah. From west to east, I have seen girls suffering spiritual damage when they are forced to wear hijab.

We’ve probably all met a girl or two who was forced to wear hijab and consequently resented it. When I was in high school, there were only two students who wore hijab. One was myself, the other was a girl would take off her hijab in school and would wear shorts, mini skirts. That was my first interaction with a girl who was forced to wear hijab.

Since then I have met countless others, and most of them remove it at their first opportunity. I live in the Middle East now, and while hijab is not mandated by the government in Qatar, it is still a symbol of family honor. When enforced by family members, the result is the same. Girls I have spoken with hate covering and not only remove hijab as soon as they get their first opportunity to do so, but also dress less modestly than the girls who are not forced into it.

There are also girls who are certain about their faith and are convinced that wearing hijab is the right thing to do, but tackling inner temptations can take time. It is not easy to wear hijab, especially in this time of so much emphasis on physical beauty and appearance. Many of  us can identify with the constant social media bombardment.

In either case, when a girl resists, she is judged and looked down upon. Hijab is forced. She may wear it to school but she ends up resenting it. A girl in doubt, becomes even more doubtful as she starts to perceive the whole religion of Islam from the lens of “being forced” with no room for questions or discussions. Consequently her conflicts intensify and her confusion turns into bitterness and resentment towards the faith.

Hijab itself is not the issue, rather it is the forceful approach that starts the damage. Sometimes a girl is not convinced of her faith yet. She may have questions that she is afraid to ask. She may have doubts that need to be addressed and discussed wisely. But, while she’s struggling with internal conflicts and confusions, she’s forced to wear something that’s not only spiritually symbolic but takes a lot of strength to put on.

Islam or Islamic rulings should not and must not be shoved down someone’s throat. The ideal “sunnah way” of spreading this faith is through teachings, and patience and wisdom. The girls need to understand their religion first, build a connection with their Lord first, love their faith and their Creator, only then they will be ready to “hear and obey”.

Our youth, including preteens, are struggling to hold on to their faith, even the ones in Islamic schools. Some of them are even secretly atheist or agnostic, grappling with basic theology while we debate dress code.

Perhaps it’s because absence of hijab is obvious, but absence of faith is not.

There is so much emphasis on the ritual of hijab that we totally forget: every ritual starts with spiritual submission, and that spiritual submission stems from conviction. Conviction is the root of submission, and submission is the basis for ritual. When we have not nurtured the roots, and we instead focus on the branches, how are we expecting a healthy tree to be sustained?

Islamic Schools and Hijab

The whole point of Islamic Schools is to have a platform for our future generations to learn their religion and become proud Muslims, not “suppressed” Muslims. Islamic schools should instill proud Muslim identity in students first, and that for sure cannot be achieved by forcing them to do something they don’t fully understand or may not be ready to adhere to.

We send our children to Islamic school to gain the knowledge that they need to develop conviction. In order for hijab to be the long-term, it must be the manifestation of belief in Allah and complete conviction of His rulings, and not just “because we said so.”

Dare I say, I would rather our Islamic schools produce die-hard Muslimahs who are completely convinced of their faith – with or without hijab –  rather than girls who wear hijab but are doubtful of Allah and Islam. I have counseled both type of girls. And the ones who resent their faith are the ones who were almost always forced to wear hijab.

As a youth counselor, I’ve seen the type of spiritual crisis that fixation from others on hijab causes. Hijab in of itself may not even be the problem, if we can learn to handle this issue wisely and patiently, giving our girls room to question, to learn, to understand and then to absorb.

It doesn’t help that the Muslim culture seems to have an unhealthy fixation on hijab, making it equivalent to the foundation of Islam. Girls in hijab are automatically assumed to be pious and righteous, and girls without it are automatically assumed to be failing in their faith. There are copious amounts of memes that perpetuate this.

Hijab and Faith

The status of her hijab doesn’t make a woman fall in or out of Islam or its core beliefs. Faith is built on six principles- belief in Allah, the angels, holy revelation, the messengers, the Day of Judgment, and the Qadr of Allah. For whatever reason, a Muslim woman can believe in all of these things, and yet not be wearing a hijab. Conversely, a woman can wear hijab while believing in none of these things as well.

It’s the same for the five pillars of Islam – Declaration of Faith, Hajj, Charity, Prayer, and Fasting. A Muslim woman can be actively practicing all of these without wearing hijab on a daily basis – and while she absolutely should be wearing a hijab, her failure to do so does not cancel out her faith or her practices that stem from that faith.

Hijab is a manifestation of faith, not the sole indicator, and certainly not a replacement for it. Forcing a girl into hijab doesn’t mean she’s a “good Muslim girl” and parents can call it a day.  The sooner we understand this, the sooner we can start focusing on the inside of our girls, so their faith can shine through to the outside.

This obsession and fixation on hijab has left many of our Muslim sisters handicapped in spiritual development, as well as socially isolated from and within the Muslim community. We have all experienced it. I was once a part of it– “The Niqaabi Cult”, who felt entitled to judge any sister who wasn’t covered or wasn’t “covered enough”. We excluded them. There is a “Hijabi Cult” too, and while not every Muslim woman in hijab or niqab is guilty of discriminating against those who don’t, the cultural fixation on a woman’s dress-code being an indicator of her social worth is certainly a contributing factor in its existence.

Islamic School Hijab Dilemma

Some may argue that if Hijab is not mandatory in Islamic schools and some girls don’t wear it, then it could encourage the girls who do wear it, to remove it. I would say that our teachers should be trained to handle such situations wisely. They must focus on building and celebrating the strength of those girls who choose to wear hijab, and encouraging and building the strength in those who feel too weak to wear it yet.

If teachers know which girls aren’t ready yet, they have the opportunity to discover why. Is the issue with her belief and conviction? Is the issue with her understanding of this ritual? Is she convinced, but just needs some time and room for spiritual growth? Being able to identify and remedy such problems is a more sensible approach to helping girls grow into hijab, versus assuming there is no problem because they’re all mandated to wear one with the uniform anyway.

Teachers can take the an opportunity to prepare our girls to step into the real world, where many Muslim women don’t wear hijab. Our girls will be challenged from all fronts to keep their hijabs on from both Muslim and non-Muslim influence. All the more reason for an Islamic school to be the training ground for our girls to grow into, and solidify their commitment to hijab so that they’re better prepared for the real world. Compare this to a situation where hijab is worn without meaning, and taken off with the rest of the uniform once the school day is done.

Wearing hijab is not easy for many women, no matter how early one starts to wear it or how late. It doesn’t get easier with age and time either. For some it is harder than the others, and this does NOT reflect a person’s state of iman. In fact, the harder it is for one to wear hijab, the more rewarding it will be for them to do so.

I pray to Allah that we become the believers who help one another with right knowledge, patience, wisdom, sincerity; and not the ones who judge other believers and feel entitled in their religious-superiority.

Muslimmatters welcomes your opinion on these issues. Send your submissions here

 

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Saba Syed (aka Umm Reem) is the author of International award winning novel, "An Acquaintance."Saba has a BA degree in Islamic Studies. She studied Arabic Language & Literature at Qatar University and at Cairo Institute in Egypt. She also received her Ijaazah in Quranic Hafs recitation in Egypt from Shaikh Muhammad al-Hamazawi.She had been actively involved with Islamic community since 1995 through her MSA, and then as a founding member of TDC, and other community organizations. in 2002, she organized and hosted the very first "Musim Women's Conference" in Houston, TX. Since then, she's been passionately working towards empowering Muslim women through the correct and untainted teachings of Islam.She is a pastoral counselor for marriage & family, women and youth issues. She has hosted several Islamic lectures and weekly halaqas in different communities all over U.S and overseas, also hosted special workshops regarding parenting, Islamic sex-ed, female sexuality, and marital intimacy.

33 Comments

33 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Rida

    January 28, 2019 at 11:19 AM

    While it is very important that one should choose the hijab herself due to her own religious conviction and submission to please God alone, Islamic schools are trying to create an Islamic environment for All the students there and thus the dress code.

    Also, where do you draw the line? what if someone doesn’t have enough conviction to be wearing modest clothing? Should he/she be allowed to dress as they feel comfortable until they themselves want to dress modestly?

    From my personal experience (I went to public school), it is definitely very hard to be the only one practicing the hijab. I tried to do so in middle school initially at my parents encouragement but I wasn’t able to. My hesitation was mainly rooted in not seeing anyone of my age practicing it, so it was hard for me to take the first step.

    Eventually my parents took me to ladies halaqa circles where I saw many Muslim girls (they homeschooled) and they were practicing the hijab. Just hanging out with them once a week and reading the religious literature together gave me the encouragement I needed to start my hijab journey which I started in 9th grade.

    So, considering that, I’d think seeing many girls doing hijab in Islamic school should make it actually easier to do.

    Maybe the reason girls who don’t want to do it have more to do with the rest of their environment? Maybe they see their peers not doing it and they see their guardian figures not doing it and thus they consider it “optional”? So when they are told to do so while attending an Islamic school it feels like a burden to them?

    Needless to say, this is a very important discussion of our times. There are many instances where kids have simply lost belief and need their concerns and questions answered. I think ones’ home environment and the peers circle has the MOST influence on these types of issues. Some parents think that sending kids to Islamic school is enough to teach them everything of religion. They don’t realize they need to talk openly to their children about beliefs and doubts and clarify them. Schools can only do so much…

    • Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      January 29, 2019 at 4:26 AM

      Dressing modestly and wearing hijab (particularly head covering) is not necessarily the same thing. Hijab is religiously sumbolic whereas dressing modestly is required on many different occasions even from people/organizations/schools without any religious reasons.

      Besides, what worked for you doesn’t work for everyone else. We need to stop taking our personal experiences and using it to draw general rules for everyone else.

      • Avatar

        Rida

        January 29, 2019 at 1:59 PM

        Sister I feel your concerns absolutely but as Parents and Teachers, we ARE supposed to enforce morals and modesty upon the Muslim children whether they fully grasp the meaning behind it or not. We are supposed to explain the why and reasoning behind it too. That is the point of Islamic schools to begin with. To provide the knowledge and the environment to actually practice the morals and teachings of Islam.

        The “modest” dressing can be interpreted in many ways. I have been a former teacher at an Islamic school and so I have also witnessed the issues quite closely. There were some students who didn’t like to be forced to wear loose fitting uniforms. They thought wearing fitted clothing as long as it covered skin was completely fine and the biggest reason for that was the role models in their life and their many peers dressed in that manner, and not because they wanted to rebel the school policies.

        The school policies didn’t drive these people away from hijab it was the rest of the environment that did that. The videos they watched on YouTube, the people they socialized with on social media and trying to impress them are the biggest factors in driving someone away from hijab, not school uniforms.

        I have seen girls leave from Islamic school and take off hijab immediately as they entered their cars where their moms or female gaurdians were also not practicing it. These girls always saw this as an “optional” headwear due to all the other environment, and thus even making it “optional” in an Islamic school will actually only serve to solidify that false belief.

        “Hijab must not be THAT mandatory that it isn’t even required in an Islamic school” will be the next argument.

        Moreover, I don’t understand why all this talking to the girls and clearing their doubts regarding beliefs and hijabs cannot be done simultaneously. They need to learn that certain things like practice of public morality and modesty aren’t up for debate, but that they may ask questions and clear any and all doubts regarding it.

        Also the argument you are making against the hijab policy can be made regarding any and all obligatory acts that the Muslim children don’t want to do. Kids don’t exactly love praying 5 times a day, are we to stop forcing them to do so by punishing them with grounding or taking away screen time etc? I am also pretty sure kids don’t like making the ritual ablution, so should we allow them to pray without it or touch Quran without it? Why is it okay to force them to pray whether with “conviction” or not, but not okay to enforce hijab as part of the Islamic uniform?

        • Avatar

          Mahmoud

          January 31, 2019 at 10:26 PM

          Sister Rida captures the issue very well. If we make Hijab optional until one grasps the spirituality behind it then by extension other acts of worship will also fall within this remit. Moreover, it is a man’s issue as much as it a woman’s for we are sons, brothers, fathers (parents) and husbands and to me the broader issue is the dress code which is applicable to both sexes

  2. Avatar

    Muhammad Hasan Khan

    January 28, 2019 at 1:22 PM

    Morality is a public issue not just a personal choice.

    Hijab is as public form of worship as it can get. A non Muslim woman not wearing hijab doesn’t mean anything but a Muslim woman not wearing it, does contribute to an environment where non compliance is an accepted norm.

    Hijab is difficult to wear because of the culture that celebrates immodesty. By us removing any environment where it is not celebrated, we contribute to the problem, not the solution.

    Islam regulates both personal and public affairs and specially those personal choices that impact societies.

    We don’t talk about conviction and iman when we obey secular laws but when it comes to religion, it becomes a danger to the faith.

    The problem is not Islamic having dress code, the problem is parents thinking sending kids to Islamic school is sufficient to give them proper identity and belief while they binge watch Netflix, listen to music and post selfies on Instagram.

    Insufficient Islamic upbringing causes doubt in faith, not just forcing hijab.

    It doesn’t have to be one or the other. We can’t reside kids glorifying their looks and tell them one day btw hijab was required and we also can’t say just putting on cloth on head and sending to Islamic school is sufficient.

    • Avatar

      Muhammad Hasan Khan

      January 28, 2019 at 1:30 PM

      * The problem is not Islamic schools having dress code
      * We can’t raise kids in non compliance and expect them to comply all of a sudden
      * We can’t just put on a piece of cloth on head and send them to islamic school thinking that should be sufficient.
      * It doesn’t have to be one or the other or one after the other.
      * Parenting is hard. Problem is in parenting, not forcing Hijab. Its lack of proper upbringing.

    • Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      January 29, 2019 at 4:47 AM

      I would appreciate if you leave the difficulty of wearing hijab to be judged by women. You can’t speak about something you have never done.

      And yes we don’t need conviction to obey secular laws, but our conviction in matters of faith is pivotal because that decides our eternal destiny.

      • Avatar

        Arsal

        January 31, 2019 at 9:33 PM

        Very respectfully, the question & this article is revolving around is not about wearing Hijab by an independent women.
        It is about at the level of teeange and in Islamic Schools.
        So multiple parties can comes to discussion the girl, school administration & most importantly parents.

    • Avatar

      Ali

      July 10, 2019 at 6:42 PM

      I can’t believe these sick comments.
      Hijab in MANY Muslim civilizations was absent. You going to day those civilizations cebrated immodesty?

  3. Avatar

    RedCloakedGirl

    January 28, 2019 at 3:28 PM

    Wow. Jaza kaLlaah Khair Sister for this amazing article. I was genuinely scared by the boy’s way of thinking. Such colourful vocabulary. I ask Allah to open his heart to see that the world isn’t so black and white.

  4. Avatar

    Nora

    January 28, 2019 at 4:53 PM

    Whoo, here come the barrage of comments from well meaning brothers. This article hasn’t been published an hour, they’re here already. I look forward to the same amount of comments concerning genocide or even *gasp* domestic abuse, and how brothers will stop other brothers from abusing their families and catcalling women on the street.

    But nope, won’t happen.

    Let’s face folks, having an opinion on hijab is easy, that even the most moronic can produce. No man will ever understand the difficulty of hijab, and unless you’re a sheik, your opinion can only spread fitna.

    • Avatar

      Rida

      January 28, 2019 at 6:15 PM

      Did you even read the comments to their entirety? BTW I am a hijab practicing sister.

      The article is about hijab and you expect people to comment about domestic abuse and genocide? Yeh, that makes a LOT of sense ?

  5. Avatar

    Kathryn

    January 28, 2019 at 10:51 PM

    This whole argument is a strawman. Girls who are “forced to wear hijab” is defined How? Girls who vocally do not want it and clearly don’t have the moral groundwork to carry it?
    So bacisally: these same girls have clearly not been taught their deen on any deep level. And they aren’t being forced to observe hijab, they are being forced to put a scarf on their head, as true hijab requires intention.
    The reality of our deen is that as parents, and as fathers in particular, there is absolutely an obligation to enforce Islamic morals and behaviours.
    If our children refuse to pray at 10, we are to physically punish them until they do.
    We aren’t told to wait till they sort it out themselves.
    Now: the ground work should absolutely be laid long in advance. They should be taught the prayer for at least 3 years BEFORE it becomes mandatory, but it does still become mandatory regardless, as once they are baligh they must seek any information they lack themselves.
    A woman’s prayer is not in order without hijab. So how does one get a female child to pray at 10 without also “forcing” her to wear hijab? If she is attending an Islamic school in which salaat is held, how is she to participate? We know hijab is obligatory for salaat, and simply removing it after is hypocrisy, so there really is no other acceptable answer.
    The TRUTH is that Allah is the Turner of hearts, all we can do is remind.
    No amount of encouragement and educating will instill Islam into a heart Allah has hardened, but that doesn’t lift our duty to enforce the sharia where applicable, and hijab for all past puberty is one of those areas.

    • Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      January 29, 2019 at 4:43 AM

      Wearing hijab during prayers is not the same as wearing hijab every time a girl steps outside her house/interacts with non-mahrem!

  6. Avatar

    KB

    January 29, 2019 at 2:10 AM

    This is really just….
    It’s an Islamic school. Wear it at school. Don’t wear it at home.or after school if you don’t want to. The only place Muslim girls will see other women wearing hijab, conforming to the rest of society’s standards, is making it that much harder for these girls to wear it then. This is making hijab too individualized. I also think the article overestimates young girls’ abilities to decide and have the willpower to start wearing hijab on their own with zero encouragement from a school/Muslim environment. I was 10 when I started and it was hard but at least I knew when I went to class my friends would be wearing it too. Eventually I got over it. Seriously, left to my own devices, raised here in Seattle, when would I have EVER started wearing hijab of my own will? I don’t think so!

    • Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      Umm Reem (Saba Syed)

      January 29, 2019 at 4:33 AM

      If you read my article carefully, you would realize that I never said leave the girls on their own with “zero encouragement” from islamic school or teachers.
      I clearly stated that teachers should and must encourage girls to wear hijab, and talk about why they need to wear hijab. Teaching with wisdom and patience is what I emphasized on.

  7. Avatar

    KB

    January 29, 2019 at 2:14 AM

    By the way, I agree that kindergartens shouldn’t wear hijab . That is simply ridiculous and unfair. At my school girls began to wear it in 4th or 5th grade which I believe is a very appropriate age.

  8. Avatar

    Spirituality

    January 29, 2019 at 3:08 PM

    As Salamu Alaikum,

    Jazaki Allahu Khayran for this very thoughtful article.

    My understanding is that the ruling for khimar, the headscarf, came with the revelation of Sura Nur, or in 6 AH. Noting that the Prophet (s) was in Mecca for 13 years before hijra, the ruling for the khimar came a full 19 years after the initial revelation!

    Why? Perhaps its because Allah wanted to instill the roots of the religion – faith in Allah, establishing prayer, good character and conduct, into the Sahabiyya (RA) first?

    A related issue: Aisha RA said in Sahih Bukhari: “When the people embraced Islam, the Verses regarding legal and illegal things were revealed. If the first thing to be revealed was: ‘Do not drink alcoholic drinks.’ people would have said, ‘We will never leave alcoholic drinks,’ and if there had been revealed, ‘Do not commit illegal sexual intercourse, ‘they would have said, ‘We will never give up illegal sexual intercourse.”

    • Avatar

      Rida

      January 29, 2019 at 5:40 PM

      That is a good point and this is why legal and illegal laws become binding on a Muslim person only once they reach puberty, not before that, that’s 10-12 years for girls and 14-15 for boys on average.

      During this time teachers and parents are to instill the love of Allah and teachings of Islam in them so that when they reach puberty they are able to abide by the legal and illegal matters. The best ways are to show them by example and try your best to keep them in the company of the righteous people and in a sharia-compliant environment like an Islamic School or even homeschooling. May Allah help us all in achieving this monumentous task Ameen.

  9. Avatar

    Maryam

    January 29, 2019 at 10:11 PM

    SubhanAllah! Since when did the wearing of a head scarf became a determinant of going to Jannah?

    “Our youth, including preteens, are struggling to hold on to their faith, even the ones in Islamic schools. Some of them are even secretly atheist or agnostic, grappling with basic theology while we debate dress code.”

    When I started wearing hijab (out of choice) I remember being reminded by my parents that wearing the hijab doesn’t make me a better Muslim than someone who doesn’t wear it, and I still, will have to work on my character and imaan.

    Even during the time of the Prophet (PBUH) the hijab became an obligation (for both men and women) around the 9th or 10th year of hijrah, long after Salah, fasting or brotherhood among the Muslims was introduced. Why? because there are things more important than hijab, one of them is spirituality.

    There was a saying by our mother Aisha (RA) that if the rulings for Hijab and alcohol came in the early days, no one would have followed it because at that point no one even knew who Allah was and what it meant to be a Muslim.

    Our focus should be to teach our children how to be a good Muslim and have strong faith in Allah, the rest comes along naturally.

  10. Avatar

    @nony

    January 30, 2019 at 7:55 AM

    Every word of this article is, SubhaanAllah so true.
    There is so, much hijab shaming around. I am a hijabi myself. And i get bullied for not joining the so called hijab cult. I know the struggle because this didnt come easy forvme as well. BaarikAllah feek Umm. I hope this message gets far and wide.

  11. Avatar

    Sayeeda Shireen

    January 31, 2019 at 12:38 PM

    Assalamu alaikum,

    Growing up in India, I started wearing the hijab in 11th grade, but I dont remember ever feeling out of place or finding it difficult. I have lived and worked in the US, traveled in Europe, attended international conferences in my line of work, all with my hijab on, and never felt any sense of discomfort.This article got me thinking. Why is hijab so easy for me? Of course, the foremost reason is it’s the Mercy and Grace of Allah.

    However, I feel self belief and self confidence also play a huge part in how comfortable we are in our modest clothing. It’s easier to buck the trend when you are self confident, when you are comfortable in your own skin. Perhaps parents and educators should look at ways of instilling self confidence in their kids along with the Islamic rulings. So that we raise a generation of confident Muslims who practice their Deen unselfconsciously.

  12. Avatar

    Siraaj

    January 31, 2019 at 5:33 PM

    My personal take, discussions of misogyny and being “forced” is more indicative of inability to process the world in our own terms rather than someone else’s framework, or in believing our own apologetics.

    As my son is growing older, I do “force” him to wear pants that cover his knees and shirts that cover his back while he prays. I don’t allow my kids to wear indecent clothes, even though prevailing norms pressure for this. Am I forcing my kids to dress in a way I think appropriate? Absolutely.

    Parents of all faiths (or without them) mandate their values on their kids all the time, including dress codes. Theres nothing new about this, and the hijab isn’t exceptional in this regard either. What is exceptional is how it’s viewed in society, and how it’s wearers about that.

    I would agree that hijab doesn’t take priority over the fundamentals of Islam and iman, and in order for hijab and other more fundamental behaviors to be practiced from the heart, a lot must be invested in developing ones relationship with Allah so it’s sincere and authentic. That is a major part of a parents duty, as well as keeping them away from the less salient areas of society and likewise leading by example. That is parenting.

    But so too is telling your children how to dress. For that matter, making your kids pray at 7 and beating them about it when their 10 doesn’t contradict that there is no compulsion in religion either. Kids are made to take on religion and religious behaviors and nonreligious behaviors because the duty of parents is to teach and as well enforce practices, manners, and habits until they are adults and can then make their own decisions as adults.

  13. Avatar

    Fritz

    January 31, 2019 at 7:18 PM

    A slightly muddled set of thought processes here.

    “I would appreciate if you leave the difficulty of wearing hijab to be judged by women. You can’t speak about something you have never done.”

    Ok this is complete emotional nonsense. So nobody can empathise with anyone else eh?

    The hijab is being utilised as a school uniform and should thus be considered as an entity along these lines. There are plenty of schools that “force” girls to wear skirts and tights to school. What about that?

    And this an Islamic school no less. It would be interesting to know how you police “modest clothing”. How short is too short? How tight is too tight? You are enforcing other standards in this context.

  14. Avatar

    Arsalan

    January 31, 2019 at 9:19 PM

    Assalamualaikum,So I am single guy & this Hijab debates is pretty interesting.
    I was looking for a girl to get married few months ago & the first thing my aunt who lives in America asked me ” Do you want a Hijabi or non-Hijabi ? ” & most of the girl that I talked to put forward this question, ” Would you ask me to wear hijab later ? ”

    No doubt, girls think that its a social demarcation between two kinds & if they would adopt it, desi culture wont judge them or they may purely doing it for the sake of Almighty.

    I have a question, Can parents force them to wear Hijab ?
    If parents believe in that & if they look after that girl ( financillay ) then I think they can make such decisions for her ( as we see in medicine that parents call for treatment options ).

    No doubt, an introduction to God first would let the child adopt Hijab or Niqab easily.

  15. Avatar

    Ahmed

    February 3, 2019 at 5:08 PM

    People need to remember that our children are our flock. We are shepards and will be asked about them on the Day of Judgement.

    Everyone knows about the hadith that talks about telling our children to pray at 7, and beating them (lightly) at 10 if they dont listen. Thats before puberty and we are told to force prayer on them. At that young age they cant be expected to pray on free will. But we force Salah upon them in order to make them get used to it when they reach puberty. We also teach them about islam so they learn why they should pray etc so that they do it willingly when they reach puberty.

    The same can be said/done regarding hijab. We should, yes, force our children to cover their awrah to let them learn modesty and get used to it.

    The reality is that we have become desensitized to immodest dressing, to the point that we find the concept of covering to be strangeand odd. But the reality is that these women walking with jeans are practically naked. I can literally see your awrah, except the skin. The form is blatant. Its absolutely disgusting and filthy. Even if people refuse to say it.

    Let the people hate how we raise our children, we shouldnt care to please them. It is Allah that matters, not the pleasure of the fuel of Jahannam.

    May Allah make it easy for the muslim women.

  16. Avatar

    Siddiqui

    February 21, 2019 at 12:32 PM

    what has this ummah come to seriously

  17. Avatar

    Nayem

    February 26, 2019 at 3:43 PM

    There are muslim who have been made comfortable with the idea that Islam accommodates their every ideological commitment: liberalism, feminism, secularism, social justice identity politics, etc.

    The idea of submitting and reigning in one’s emotions and sentimentality in accordance with the Sacred is completely foreign to them. The tarbiya that is so critical to spirituality and getting closer to Allah is completely absent.But Muslims can’t remain sheltered forever.

    They slowly start realizing that things are not what they want them to be. They start resenting other Muslims and begin to lash out, calling them names: “extremist,” “wahabi,” “misogynist,” etc.

    Many of them become very bitter, burn out, and some even leave Islam.

    For example, you probably think that that hijab (covering awrah) is a personal choice. which means that wearing it is no more or less meaningful than wearing a swimsuit.If all one cares about and celebrates is choice, then choosing to wear the hijab is equivalent to choosing to ditch it. Or choosing to wear something else entirely. It’s all choice! But in reality, hijab is anything but choice. It is fard.

  18. Avatar

    Mummyjaan

    March 4, 2019 at 11:38 PM

    I’m so glad you wrote about this, Umm Reem. It’s something we muslim parents need to talk about more.

    When my girls were younger, we had lots of conversations about hijab and it being fardh, and that it starts becoming obligatory after a certain age.

    My older child kept this in mind and decided on wearing the hijab when it became fardh for her, and I assumed all was going well. After wearing it for 2 years, she told me that she wore it only because she didn’t want to disappoint me and that she wanted to go for a year without it. I was shocked, both by her not opening up to me initially and by her decision to remove it. Although I had left the decision up to her and not forced her, i realized that the expectation she must have felt from me must have been strong. And here I thought I was doing the right thing by providing the information and letting her make her own choice. Didn’t really work out the way I hoped it would.

    At the moment, I treat our stage of Islam in our house as “the ‘Makkan period” in Islam. In the first 13 years, many of the surahs that were revealed to prophet Mohammed focussed on building the faith of the fledgling Muslim community. The ahkaam of hijab and many other commandments were not revealed until this faith had build into something much stronger. So we focus on reading Quran and ahadith, establishing our salah on time and making dua. Hopefully, Allah will forgive my weak tarbiyyah that failed and give us strength, ameen.

    I have been accused by my never-present husband that I “must have been too forceful in my emphasis on hijab” and that’s why the girls don’t practice it. But that’s just one more male assumption that I have to deal with, which adds to the difficulties and pressures of being a woman. As both his daughters and I know that his assumption is untrue, I don’t worry too much about it. Coping mechanism :)!

  19. Avatar

    Marahm

    March 15, 2019 at 11:51 AM

    The hijab is now synonymous with Islam. Let’s imagine, for a moment, that hijab– strictly, the covering of hair and/or face– is eliminated from Islam altogether. What is left? Indeed, that is the question. Without hijab, we either have a rich, complete religious tradition or we have a shell. You decide. Think about it. Would you have the shell, or would you still have the whole package, if your conviction for or against that hijab were to vanish?

  20. Avatar

    Amina

    March 16, 2019 at 1:08 AM

    I was brought up thinking hijab was good but optional.Before hijab our parents always emphasised modest loose clothing but just never forced the scarf. I never realised until my late twenties it was actually fard. Once I knew that I started wearing it which was a bit scary at first but have never wanted to remove it since. So when I hear about girls who know it’s fard but don’t want to wear it I don’t understand. I can only put it down to not fully realising the significance and only Allah can open your eyes to that. But I don’t think you should wait for that before wearing it. Example from home is a big factor. Its weird my mum always wore it going out but I never thought I should too it just seemed cultural. May Allah guide all our brothers and sisters, our children and parents, Ameen. But in regards to the tweets I think 5 is a bit young maybe from 7 should be uniform.

    • Avatar

      Ali

      July 10, 2019 at 6:50 PM

      Hijab is arab culture. Stop enforcing it on others.

  21. Avatar

    Alina

    April 9, 2020 at 11:48 AM

    I really like this article. I’m a 17 year old muslim girl, who doesn’t wear hijab, but I’m still struggling so much to practice the most basic pillars of islam. I think for me, it’s best to start with the fundamentals. I really want to become a better muslim and I’m so interested in learning about all of the history of islam and being able to understand the Qur’an inside and out. I think the muslim community can sometimes also forget that mental health can get in the way of spiritual growth: I really do want to build a closer connection with Allah, but for the past couple of years I have really struggled with my happiness, and it’s gotten in the way of everything. Hijab is compulsory and there’s no denying that fact, I do hope one day I have the strength to wear it.

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#Islam

30 Khawaatir in 30 Days- A Parent’s Guide | Day 11: Gratitude

Now that we have learnt about the dua’ of Umm Salama, let’s talk about gratitude.

Question: Let’s all go around and state a few things we’re grateful for.

Those are all really great! Alhamdulillah for all of those! 

Question: Do you know what the opposite of shukr, or showing thanks, is? 

It’s actually the word kufr (unbelief). Sometimes, we complain so much that we hide all the good that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has given us and we only see the hardships. 

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Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) wants us to stay grateful for everything He has given us. Our health, our family, our talents, and most importantly, our religion. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) reminds us in the Qur’an:

وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]…” [Surah Ibrahim; 7] 

When Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) tells us, “If you are grateful, I will surely increase you,” He leaves the increase open-ended. 

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) can give us more in what we thank Him for. He can also give us more appreciation and awareness of the blessings He has granted us. 

Did you know that saying alhamdulillah (all praise is due to Allah) and showing gratitude actually changes the way our brains are shaped, inside our heads? People who show gratitude on a daily basis end up feeling happier too! 

When Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) blew Adam’s raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) soul into him, Adam raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) responded by sneezing, and he said: alhamdulillah. That was the first word that was ever uttered by a human being.

And do you know what the last word will be?

وَتَرَى الْمَلَائِكَةَ حَافِّينَ مِنْ حَوْلِ الْعَرْشِ يُسَبِّحُونَ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّهِمْ ۖ وَقُضِيَ بَيْنَهُم بِالْحَقِّ وَقِيلَ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّـهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ 

“And you will see the angels surrounding the Throne, exalting [Allah] with praise of their Lord. And it will be judged between them in truth, and it will be said, “[All] praise to Allah, Lord of the worlds,”’ [Surah az-Zumar; 75] 

Isn’t that amazing? We begin and end with praising and thanking Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He)

 Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) reminds us in the Qur’an:

وَإِن تَعُدُّوا نِعْمَةَ اللَّـهِ لَا تُحْصُوهَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَغَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

“And if you should count the favors of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful,” [Surah an-Nahl; 18]

Question: Even though we won’t be able to list all of Allah’s subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) favors, can each of you think of at least 10?

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From Tweet to Virtual Event: Online Organizing In The Time Of Corona | Muslim Virtual Grad

musllim grad

It was mid-April and we were one month into the pandemic. Ramadan  was a couple of weeks away and we had settled into the “New Normal,” but still learning every day of changes. The most recent one was schools, colleges and universities canceling graduation ceremonies. Many choosing to not to postpone but to cancel.

My wife received the email from her graduate program and was lamenting how she wouldn’t be able to wear the cap and gown she had gotten for the commencement.

Her phrasing made me think of the popular slang term “No Cap” that is used heavily these days, and I tweeted out what I thought was a funny joke.

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The tweet quickly got traction and was being shared as people resonated with it with people responding in various ways. One of these interactions seemed benign at first.

 

 

At the time, it didn’t go anywhere. Sara had left me with the thought but I didn’t act on it. Alhamdulillah, she did. Two weeks later, she messaged me. “Let’s do this,” she said. From there 2020 Muslim Virtual Graduation was born. 

We realized there was an opportunity to connect with the amazing organizations in our communities that are focused on Muslim students and the unique challenges they face. Since then, we have partnered with Midwest Muslim United Student Association (MMUSA), MIST Chicago, and A Continuous Charity, all of which are Muslim organizations dedicated to serving high school and college students in different capacities, from on-campus services, to inter-school competitions, to interest-free financial aid.

The 2020 Muslim Virtual Graduation will be free to attend and live streamed May 30th at 5:15 pm CST and live streamed to MMUSA’s Facebook Page. Inshallah, Dr. Omar Suleiman, President of Yaqeen Institute, (and a 2020 graduate himself) will be giving a Commencement Speech. There will be entertainment at the end.

It is open to high school, university, and professional grads, all around the world. 

Graduates who would like to be recognized can submit their slide with their name, degree, school and photo (optional), and a dedication or message to the following URL: bit.ly/vmggrads. The deadline to register is the of the day Friday, May 29th, 2020. 

Sara had previously recognized the merit of online organizing and resources, and compiled a master list of Islamic lectures and seminars that had been recently being streamed online due to the pandemic. “Online events cannot totally replace the spirit of in-person gatherings. But I think organizing during this time requires a shift in perspective: what challenges do we face when organizing in-person, and how can we take advantage of the new opportunity we do have now since those are gone? This is what inspired us to go global with the event,” says Sara.

Alhamdulilah, we already have graduates from the UK, Saudi Arabia, and Singapore registered! 


About Us

Ziyad Dadabhoy is a Civil Engineer living in Chicago, IL and Co-Founder of Midwest Muslim United Student Association (MMUSA). He has also been a part of AlMaghrib Chicago and MIST Chicago.

Sara Alattar is a student of Islamic Sciences, upcoming medical student, and Director of Operations at thinkbites.org, a new multimedia Islamic publication for personal development.

A Continuous Charity (acceducate.org) is the first and only national Muslim 501(c)3 that provides interest-free loans and financial mentoring for higher education. 

The Midwest Muslim United Student Association (midwestmsa.com) is dedicated to connecting college Muslim Student Associations (MSA’s) from around the Midwest for collaborative events and projects.

Muslim Interscholastic Tournament (mistchicago.org) is a non-profit that hosts annual educational and creative competitions for high school students across the US, and in 19 regions across the world.

Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research (yaqeeninstitute.org) is a non-profit research institute which aims to instill conviction and inspire contribution based on mainstream Islamic texts.

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30 Khawaatir in 30 Days- A Parent’s Guide | Day 10: The Dua’ of Umm Salama

Now that we have learnt about a good word, let’s talk about the dua’ of Umm Salama.

Today I’m going to share with you a story of a very important woman in Islamic history named Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her). She was a female companion, which means she was a sahaabiya (female companion)

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) was one of the first people to embrace Islam and she was one of the few Muslims who actually performed the hijrah twice. 

Question: Who can tell me what a hijrah is?

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A hijrah is when someone leaves a place they are in for the sake of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). The first hijrah was to Ethiopia, where a just Christian ruler named Najashi took in a group of Muslims and took good care of them. 

So Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) and Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) went to Ethiopia. After some time living there, they really wanted to go back to Mecca so that they could be next to the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) and learn everything about Islam. As they waited patiently, news traveled all the way to Africa saying that the Muslims were no longer getting persecuted because Umar ibn al-Khattab raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) and Hamza raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him), the uncle of the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), had embraced Islam. 

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) and Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) decided to return back to Mecca, and when they did, they realized that it was only a rumor and that the Muslims were still being tortured by Quraysh. So, when the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) instructed all of the Muslims of Mecca to leave to Madina for the second hijrah, they wasted no time getting ready. 

Question: Do you see how they were so active and didn’t take their Islam for granted?

As Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) was about to mount her camel, her tribe, the Banu Makhzum, came and told Abu Salama  raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) that they would not allow him to take Umm Salama  raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) to Madina. Then Abu Salama’s tribe, the Banu Asad, takes Salama, his child, away.  Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) could not defend himself against all of these men, so he sets off to Madina.

In just one day Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) lost her husband and her child, and she suffers so much because of it. She is in a lot of pain. After some time her cousin starts to feel sorry for her and speaks to the tribes on her behalf. He is then able to reunite her with her son. Then after a year of waiting, Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) is finally able to meet her husband in Madina. 

Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) was known to be a very caring husband and courageous man. He fought in the Battle of Badr as well as in the Battle of Uhud. In Uhud, he received a wound that he wasn’t able to recover from. 

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) was so sad the day Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) died, but the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) taught her to recite a beautiful dua’:

إِنَّا لله وإنا إليه راجعون اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها 

“We belong to Allah and to Allah is our return. Oh Allah, reward me for my calamity, and replace my loss with something better.”

Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) recited this dua’, but in her mind she thought, “Who can be better than Abu Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him)?” 

After a few months passed, Umar ibn al-Khattab raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) proposed to Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her), but she said no. 

Then, Abu Bakr raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) proposed to Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her), but again she said no. 

Then, the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) proposed to Umm Salama raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) and she accepted. So now, she was not only the mother of Salama, but the mother of all of the believers until the end of time! 

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