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There’s No Place Like Home | Drama Mama

Hiba Masood

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A few months ago, shortly after it had become certain who was going to be the next American president, my husband sighed, “Well, there goes the doctorate.”

Even though we’re Canadian citizens, Hums’ PhD dreams have long lurked around the small streets and big name institutions of Boston’s academic hub. “No, no, of course you can still go for it! Don’t be silly!” I laughed it off then because laughing in the face of the incumbent president’s aspirations seemed far, far more reasonable than laughing off my husband’s. And also, because, I knew that marrying me had clearly given Hums something of mine. The itch underfoot. The desire to always go somewhere.

But fast forward a few months, and it is clear we are living in a strange new world, in what feels like some dark dystopian novel, where every chapter brings a new twist and cliffhangers abound. Doctorates in America seem not just out of reach but also suddenly distasteful. What?! – go there, spend our hard earned money there, leave our parents and community for the possible hatred we might encounter there? America is suddenly referred to in shadowy, vague terms, a stark departure from the golden, glowing, land of endless dreams type terminology previously encountered in our social circles. Going, there or in fact, anywhere, seems foolish. In times of uncertainty, holding on to what already is seems far more prudent, wiser than looking for gold elsewhere.

A few weeks before we got married, over eleven years ago, I remember remarking quite loftily to my soon to be husband: “I am a citizen of the world.” (When you’re in your early 20s, freshly graduated from a liberal arts university and a pretty left-leaning development degree, this is exactly the kind of grandiose, blissfully naïve statements you are bound to make.) And wasn’t it a true one, I pressed, when encountering his slightly raised eyebrow? He was just a Pakistani. I was a Canadian citizen by birth, raised in the Middle East till high school, and now, with my newly minted education and the accompanying blue passport, out to travel and subsequently, save the world and all those in it. I had no intention of living in backwards, crime ridden, junky ol’ Pakistan. I wanted to always be on the go. And since, a relatively cushy Middle Eastern life had exposed me to many things American, lovely, inspiring, artistic things, living and working in the U.S. in the near future was definitely on the bucket list.

We got married and left for Canada to pursue Hums’ citizenship and Masters. A few years later, with a son on the spectrum and pregnant with a second baby, the Canadian job market tanked. Hums new Masters degree left him horribly overqualified for whatever was available and we were newly floundering in the bewildering world of autism with government support at least three years away. Canada was untenable. We left for Dubai. Five years passed in a blur of Hums working around the clock, more babies and rising costs. When the landlord handed us the end of our lease and the revised terms of the tenancy agreement should we wish to stay on, we looked at the out of budget figures and looked at each other. Another move was on the cards. Understandable. After all, I have itchy feet.

But now, we’re in Pakistan. “Backward, junky ol’ Pakistan.” The place I never thought I would call home. Pakistan was a place to visit over summer. A place of sweltering heat and juicy mangoes, of evenings of cousins and conversations on the rooftop, a place of fun and family certainly, but because of security concerns, I’ve always felt nervous here. And because of a more international sensibility, a little out of place too. Pakistan, home? I am unsure.

What is home, anyway? Only a fellow “expat – brat” will understand how laden this question can be, has become, for me, over the years.

If home is where the heart is, is home for me Jeddah? I was born there and lived there for 19 years of my life. Memories of best friends and long phone calls, a healthy, laughing, twinkly eyed Baba who always smelled like what I assume heaven smells like and who had coined the itchy feet descriptor for us, Ramadan evenings in our living room, nights in Makkah – sitting on the cool marble under the inky black sky as the Isha’a azaan echoed around me and inside me. That was home, right? Except… not having Saudi citizenship means I can’t really enter Jeddah at will anymore.

Or is home Canada? Where, the very minute I landed there I’d felt an astounding familiarity. I remember, standing under the August sun, at the bus stop inside York University, looking at the lush green grass, the crowds of students, the iced-cappuccino in my hand, and feeling like I’d always been there. Safe. Inspired. Welcomed. This was belonging, I thought to myself. Except…with aging, unwell parents, now it feels too far.

And, what about America? One time, over the internet, some one snidely called me an American wannabe. She meant it meanly and my friends jumped to my defense too, but it didn’t hurt my feelings at all. In fact, I found it amusing that she would think it might. I’ve never hid my respect for how profoundly American culture has influenced my life and continues to do so. I am a lover of children’s literature – 90% of the picture books on my shelves are written, illustrated and published by Americans. I obsess over home decor and education blogs – all of the ones I follow are by American bloggers. Etsy and Amazon are my favorite places to shop. I love Facebook and Google. On Instagram, I follow about 30 illustrators, nearly all American. I read the New York Times, The Atlantic, Brain Pickings daily. Friends, Breaking Bad, Suits, How I Met Your Mother in more recent years, but Alf, Punky Brewster, Small Wonder and Full House previously provided me hours of (American) entertainment. My notions about homeschooling and teaching children have been formed by Alfie Kohn, Jim Trelease, John Holt, Tom Hobson. My writing has been cultivated by my favorite modern writers, too many to list, but all American. America has long been an intellectual home for me. A theoretical retreat and inspirational haven for my ideas, my thoughts, my creativity.

Except…now…45. Ugh.

I think I’d always assumed that itchy feet would eventually lead me to America. Has what the new administration unleashed in recent weeks finally taken care of that urge – one which I had assumed was an integral part of me?

Surprisingly, there isn’t any sense of loss. Because we’re busy setting up house in Pakistan. We are painting our doors bright blue. And setting up our vintage toaster. We’re figuring out where to place the couch and exactly how to make sure all the kids sleep in their room so that after eight years, it will finally just be Hums and I in our bed. Because Beti remarked that it doesn’t look quite beautiful just yet, we decide to paint some pink and purple hearts for her room. Beta wants a blue blanket so I sew a bright navy polka dot print as his quilt backing. Birdy is scared of the little red light that flickers on the air-conditioner’s power button, so this afternoon’s activity is that we are going to put some washi tape on it together.

And that is the little trick life does, doesn’t it? When you get busy with it, being in it under the privilege of safety and security, all these questions of home and politics and belonging fade away for a bit. That fading is what reminds you precisely how blessed you are. That you can muse over these things, these things that people are dying and starving and immigrating and escaping war for, from the staying comfort of your couch and your laptop. That it is incumbent on you that you hang on to this comfort, this peace, with gratitude and for dear life because it can be snatched away without a moment’s notice. Everything you have and everything you know can change in an instant. It is staggering and it is sobering but it is essential to always remember. I know this to be as true as day.

Perhaps questions of home as a Canadian-Pakistani-Middle Eastern expat will always remain with me. Maybe that’s the (small) price of being a “citizen of the world”. Maybe as Muslims, this is what being like a traveller in this world entails. In any case, longing to belong is a universal one and sometimes I feel like I haven’t exactly found where I belong yet. But seeing what I see unfolding across the world on a daily basis, I know how lucky I am to be able to ponder over that.
And so I write. I play with my kids. I make a new quilt. I get some dahi puri chaat delivered to my doorstep. I stay in the moment. I stay.
When multiple bombs explode across Pakistan, including one at a Sufi shrine and nearly 100 people die in one week, for a minute, I feel that familiar itch on the feet. The desire to run. To go. Somewhere else.

But it passes quickly.

The blessings in my life are far too many to deny.

When I see my kids sprawled on our as-yet bare living room floor, watching a Brain Pop video on why we should visit the dentist regularly, listening to Hums in the other room sing a ghazal while he dresses, my heart feels a settling and something in me whispers, for better or worse, for a little while or a long while, “home.” I am awash with gratitude.

May I stay to this feeling and hang on to this comfort as long as it is afforded to me by His Will. Ameen.

– – –

Hiba Masood is a storyteller and an educator. You can read more of and about her work on her page www.facebook.com/etdramamama.

8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Aiysha

    February 24, 2017 at 2:46 AM

    I really appreciated reading this. As a transplanted Canadian myself I often grapple with the idea and *feeling* of home. You’ve described the blessings and privileges of it so well. ❤️

  2. Avatar

    saqib khan

    February 24, 2017 at 8:33 AM

    Homeland is homeland. You may spend your youth in any country however you miss your homeland in your old age. You are pakistani so you was missing Pakistan and your babies in their old age will miss the countries where they spent their childhood. It is natural. Will you believe that my grand mother migrated to Pakistan from India in 1947 and till her last breath she missed that place . The reason was simple there is no other place like home land.

  3. Avatar

    Tami

    February 25, 2017 at 5:19 AM

    I can reciprocate this so well. Born in India and finished my complete schooling in Saudi. Jeddah is my second home.i don’t want to disconnect with my life in Saudi. But life is never meant to be spend in one place forever, specially in current situations . And Saudi can feel homely but not my homeland.
    This was a good read… Thanks

  4. Avatar

    AL

    February 26, 2017 at 12:18 PM

    lovely. may you be in God’s protection wherever you are.

  5. Avatar

    Islam Hashtag

    February 26, 2017 at 12:21 PM

    Beautiful article Masha Allah!

  6. Avatar

    Best Umrah Packages Pakistan

    February 28, 2017 at 4:29 AM

    Well all the Muslims are bro and sisters it’s doesn’t matter where they are and in which country they are from which cost they are

  7. Avatar

    Sabreena

    February 28, 2017 at 11:17 AM

    You have perfectly described my life:).
    Even I had a similar childhood, belonging from somewhere, living elsewhere,and now ,moving and moving to different places.i still wonder where my home is ,where I might feel safe totally in peace and feel ‘oh! This is my home’ but coming to think of it life is temporary,maybe this world is never meant to be our home,maybe even if I could travel all the places I could, will I ever be satisfied?i don’t know.thank you for your writing.Much appreciated!

  8. Avatar

    sara

    March 18, 2017 at 3:27 PM

    Great article MashAllah! I related to it so well. I am born and raised in America but got married to a Pakistani. I remember my younger 20s as saying some of the same naive things. Especially after I got married at 23. Now 5 years and 1 beta later- in America I am still searching for home. We are also thinking about going back to Pakistan. How is it there with the kids and “American” education etc?

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#Islam

What Does Sharia Really Say About Abortion in Islam

Abortion is not a simple option of being pro-life or pro-choice, Islam recognizes the nuance.

Reem Shaikh

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The following article on abortion is based on a research paper titled ‘The Rights of the Fetus in Islam’, at the Department of Sharia at Qatar University. My team and I presented it to multiple members of the faculty. It was approved by the Dean of the Islamic Studies College, an experienced and reputed Islamic authority.

In one swoop, liberal comedian Deven Green posing as her satirical character, Mrs. Betty Brown, “America’s best Christian”, demonized both Sharia law as well as how Islamic law treats abortion. Even in a debate about a law that has no Muslim protagonist in the middle of it, Islam is vilified because apparently, no problem in the world can occur without Islam being dragged into it.

It is important to clarify what Sharia is before discussing abortion. Sharia law is the set of rules and guidelines that Allah establishes as a way of life for Muslims. It is derived from the Qur’an and the Sunnah, which is interpreted and compiled by scholars based on their understandings (fiqh). Sharia takes into account what is in the best interest for individuals and society as a whole, and creates a system of life for Muslims, covering every aspect, such as worship, beliefs, ethics, transactions, etc.

Muslim life is governed by Sharia – a very personal imperative. For a Muslim living in secular lands, that is what Sharia is limited to – prayers, fasting, charity and private transactions such as not dealing with interest, marriage and divorce issues, etc. Criminal statutes are one small part of the larger Sharia but are subject to interpretation, and strictly in the realm of a Muslim country that governs by it.

With respect to abortion, the first question asked is:

“Do women have rights over their bodies or does the government have rights over women’s bodies?”

The answer to this question comes from a different perspective for Muslims. Part of Islamic faith is the belief that our bodies are an amanah from God. The Arabic word amanah literally means fulfilling or upholding trusts. When you add “al” as a prefix, or al-amanah, trust becomes “The Trust”, which has a broader Islamic meaning. It is the moral responsibility of fulfilling one’s obligations due to Allah and fulfilling one’s obligations due to other humans.

The body is one such amanah. Part of that amanah includes the rights that our bodies have over us, such as taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally and mentally – these are part of a Muslim’s duty that is incumbent upon each individual.

While the Georgia and Alabama laws in the United States that make abortion illegal after the 6-week mark of pregnancy are being mockingly referred to as “Sharia Law” abortion, the fact is that the real Sharia allows much more leniency in the matter than these laws do.

First of all, it is important to be unambiguous about one general ruling: It is unanimously agreed by the scholars of Islam that abortion without a valid excuse after the soul has entered the fetus is prohibited entirely. The question then becomes, when exactly does the soul enter the fetus? Is it when there is a heartbeat? Is it related to simple timing? Most scholars rely on the timing factor because connecting a soul to a heartbeat itself is a question of opinion.

Web MD

The timing then is also a matter of ikhtilaf, or scholarly difference of opinion:

One Hundred and Twenty Days:

The majority of the traditional scholars, including the four madhahib, are united upon the view that the soul certainly is within the fetus after 120 days of pregnancy, or after the first trimester.

This view is shaped by  the following hadith narrated by Abdullah bin Masood raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إن أحدكم يجمع خلقه في بطن أمه أربعين يوما ثم يكون في ذلك علقة مثل ذلك ثم يكون في ذلك مضغة مثل ذلك ثم يرسل الملك فينفخ فيه الروح..

“For every one of you, the components of his creation are gathered together in the mother’s womb for a period of forty days. Then he will remain for two more periods of the same length, after which the angel is sent and insufflates the spirit into him.”

Forty Days:

The exception to the above is that some scholars believe that the soul enters the fetus earlier, that is after the formation phase, which is around the 40 days mark of pregnancy.

This view is based on another hadith narrated by Abdullah bin Masood raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذا مر بالنطفة إثنتان وأربعون ليلة بعث الله إليها ملكاً، فصوره، وخلق سمعها وبصرها وجلدها ولحمها وعظمها…

“If a drop of semen spent in the womb forty-two nights, Allah sends an angel to it who depicts it and creates its ears, eyes, skin, flesh and bones.”

Between the two views, the more widespread and popular opinion is the former, which is that the soul enters the fetus at the 120 days (or 4 months) mark, as the second hadith implies the end of the formation period of the fetus rather than the soul entering it.

Even if one accepts that the soul enters the fetus at a certain timing mark, it does not mean that the soul-less fetus can be aborted at any time or for any reason. Here again, like most matters of Islamic jurisprudence, there is ikhtilaf of scholarly difference of opinion.

No Excuse Required:

The Hanafi madhhab is the most lenient, allowing abortion during the first trimester, even without an excuse.

Some of the later scholars from the Hanafi school consider it makruh or disliked if done without a valid reason, but the majority ruled it as allowed.

Only Under Extreme Risks:

The Malikis are the most strict in this matter; they do not allow abortion even if it is done in the first month of pregnancy unless there is an extreme risk to the mother’s health.

Other Views:

As for the Shafi’i and Hanbali schools of thought, there are multiple opinions within the schools themselves, some allowing abortion, some only allowing it in the presence of a valid excuse.

Valid excuses differ from scholar to scholar, but with a strong and clear reason, permissibility becomes more lenient. Such cases include forced pregnancy (caused by rape), reasons of health and other pressing reasons.

For example, consider a rape victim who becomes pregnant. There is hardly a more compelling reason (other than the health of the mother) where abortion should be permitted. A child born as a result in such circumstances will certainly be a reminder of pain and discomfort to the mother. Every time the woman sees this child, she will be reminded of the trauma of rape that she underwent, a trauma that is generally unmatched for a woman. Leaving aside the mother, the child himself or herself will lead a life of suffering and potentially neglect. He or she may be blamed for being born– certainly unjust but possible with his or her mother’s mindset. The woman may transfer her pain to the child, psychologically or physically because he or she is a reminder of her trauma. One of the principles of Sharia is to ward off the greater of two evils. One can certainly argue that in such a case where both mother and child are at risk of trauma and more injustice, then abortion may indeed be the lesser of the two.

The only case even more pressing than rape would be when a woman’s physical health is at risk due to the pregnancy. Where the risk is clear and sufficiently severe (that is can lead to some permanent serious health damage or even death) if the fetus remained in her uterus, then it is unanimously agreed that abortion is allowed no matter what the stage of pregnancy. This is because of the Islamic principle that necessities allow prohibitions. In this case, the necessity to save the life of the mother allows abortion, which may be otherwise prohibited.

This is the mercy of Sharia, as opposed to the popular culture image about it.

Furthermore, the principle of preventing the greater of two harms applies in this case, as the mother’s life is definite and secure, while the fetus’ is not.

Absolutely Unacceptable Reason for Abortion:

Another area of unanimous agreement is that abortion cannot be undertaken due to fear of poverty. The reason for this is that this mindset collides with having faith and trust in Allah. Allah reminds us in the Quran:

((وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلَاقٍ ۖ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْئًا كَبِيرًا))

“And do not kill your children for fear of poverty, We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin.” (Al-Israa, 31)

Ignorance is not an excuse, but it is an acceptable excuse when it comes to mocking Islam in today’s world. Islam is a balanced religion and aims to draw ease for its adherents. Most rulings concerning fiqh are not completely cut out black and white. Rather, Islamic rulings are reasonable and consider all possible factors and circumstances, and in many cases vary from person to person.

Abortion is not a simple option of being pro-life or pro-choice. These terms have become political tools rather than sensitive choices for women who ultimately suffer the consequences either way.

Life means a lot more than just having a heartbeat. Islam completely recognizes this. Thus, Islamic rulings pertaing to abortion are detailed and varied.

As a proud Muslim, I want my fellow Muslims to be confident of their religion particularly over sensitive issues such as abortion and women’s rights to choose for themselves keeping the Creator of Life in focus at all times.

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Why I Turned to Tech to Catch Laylatul Qadr

Make sure you maximize your sadaqah

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By Ismael Abdela

My life, just like yours, is sooo busy. So naturally, as the tech nerd I am, I turn to tech to help me manage my regular routine including project management apps to manage my daily tasks. I even have a sleeping app that wakes me up at the optimum time (whatever that means!). But even though tech has changed everything in all sectors and helped make efficiencies in my daily life, it had had little impact on my religious activities.

A few years ago, whilst I was preparing for the last 10 nights of Ramadan, it hit me – why doesn’t something exist that automates my donations during these blessed nights to catch Laylatul Qadr. Rather than putting a reminder on my phone to bring out my bank card every night and inputting it into a website – why doesn’t something exist that does it for me, solving the problem of me forgetting to donate. After all we are human and it’s interesting that the Arabic word for human being is ‘insan’ which is derived from the word ‘nasiya’ which means ‘to forget.’ It is human nature to forget.

So the techie in me came out and I built the first scrappy version of MyTenNights, a platform to automate donations in the last 10 nights of Ramadan (took two weeks) because I wanted to use it myself! I thought it would be cool and my friends and family could use it too. That same year, nearly 2000 other people used it – servers crashed, tech broke and I had to get all my friends and Oreo (my cat) to respond to email complaints about our temperamental site!

I quickly realised I wasn’t alone in my need  – everyone wanted a way to never miss Laylatul Qadr! Two years down the line we’ve called it MyTenNights, and our team has grown to 10, including Oreo, senior developers, QA specialists, brand strategists, creative directors and more. It fast became a fierce operation – an operation to help people all over the world catch Laylatul Qadr!

Last year alone we raised almost $2 million in just 10 days – and that was just in the UK. We’ve now opened MyTenNights to our American, Canadian. South African and Australian brothers and sisters and we’re so excited to see how they use it! We’ve made it available through all the biggest house name charities – Islamic Relief, Muslim Aid, Helping Hand, Penny Appeal, you name it! All donations go directly to the charity donors choose – all 100% of it.

Looking back at the last couple of years – it feels surreal: The biggest charities in the world and tens of thousands of users who share my need to be certain they’ve caught Laylatul Qadr. Although I hear many impressed with the sheer amount MyTenNights has raised for charity (and that excites me too!), it’s not what motives me to go on. What excites me most is the growing number of people who catch Laylatul Qadr because we made it easier.

I often tell my team that the number of people that use MyTenNights is the only metric we care about, and the only metric we celebrate. It makes no difference to us whether you donate $1 or a million – we just want you to catch Laylatul Qadr and for you to transform your Akhirah, because (after Allah) we helped you do it.

To catch Laylatul Qadr with MyTenNights, visit their website MyTenNights.com

Ismael Abdela is a Law & Anthropology graduate from the London School of Economics. He spent some years studying Islamic Sciences in Qaseem, Saudi Arabia. He is now a keen social entrepreneur. Ismael likes to write about spiritual reflections, social commentary, and tafsīr. He is particularly interested in putting religion in conversation with the social sciences.

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How Do Muslims Plan for Disability

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Families with children with disability have an extraordinary set of challenges and blessings.  Disability (or special needs) is a broad term.

Many disabilities will prevent what we often think of as “normal.”  It may hinder or prevent educational opportunities, and employment. Many people with “special needs” can get educated, get married and live long and productive lives.  The problem for many parents of younger children with special needs is that they typically have no certainty about their children’s future needs. Even if the situation looks dire, it may not stay that way.  

How do parents plan for a world where they may not be around to see how things will end up for their special needs children?  What can they do to help their children in a way that does not violate Islamic Inheritance rules?

Certain types of disability, especially the loss of executive decision-making ability, could also happen well into adulthood.  This can be a threat to a family’s wealth and be the cause of internal conflicts. This is the kind of thing every adult needs to think about before it happens.  

The Problem

The issues are not just that parents believe their special needs child will need more inheritance than other children. Muslim parents usually don’t think that. Some parents don’t want their special needs child to get any inheritance at all.  Not because of any ill-will against their special needs child; just the opposite, but because they are afraid inheritance will result in sabotaging their child’s needs-based government benefits.    

Many, perhaps most special needs children do not have any use for needs-based benefits (benefits for the poor).  But many do, or many parents might figure that it is a distinct possibility. This article is a brief explanation of some of the options available for parents of special needs children.  It won’t go over every option, but rather those that are usually incorporated as part of any Islamic Estate Planning.

Please Stand By

Example:  Salma has three daughters and two sons.  One of her children, Khalida, 3, has Down Syndrome.  At this point, Salma knows that raising Khalida is going to be an immense challenge for herself, her husband Rashid and all the older siblings.  What she does not know, however, is what specific care Khalida is going to need through her life or how her disability will continue to be relevant. She does not know a lot about Khalida’s future marriage prospects, ability to be employed and be independent, though obviously like any parent she has nothing but positive hopes for her child’s life.   

In the event of her death, Salma wants to make sure her daughter gets her Islamic right to inheritance.  However, if Khalida needs public benefits, Salma does not want her daughter disqualified because she has her own money.

Her solution is something called a “stand-by special needs trust.” This type of trust is done in conjunction with an Islamic Inheritance Plan and is typically part of a living trust, though it could also be a trust drafted into the last will.  I will describe more about what a special needs trust is below. For Salma, she is the Trustee of her trust. After she dies, she names her husband (or someone else) the successor Trustee. The trust is drafted to prevent it from becoming an “available resource” used to determine eligibility for public benefits such as Supplemental Security Income (SSI), Medicaid and other benefits that go with that.

If it turns out that Salma passes away when Khalida is 5, and her assets are held in trust for her until she is 18 and her Trustee determines she does not need a special needs trust, she will get her inheritance precisely like everyone else based on their Islamic right.  If she does need benefits, the Trustee will only make distributions to Khalida that would not harm her eligibility.

This way, there is no need to deny Khalida her inheritance because of her disability, and she is also making sure giving her daughter inheritance would not harm her daughter’s healthcare or other necessary support.  

Munir Vohra is a special needs advocate and an athlete

The Shape of Special Needs Trusts

A stand-alone Special needs trusts, which is sometimes called a “supplemental needs trust” the kind without the “stand-by” variation I described above, are a standard device for families that have children with special needs. A trust is a property ownership device. A Grantor gives the property to a Trustee, who manages the property for the benefit of a beneficiary. In a revocable living trust, the Grantor, Trustee, and Beneficiary are typically the same person.  

When the trust is irrevocable, the Grantor, Trustee, and Beneficiary may all be different people. In a special needs trust, the person with a disability is the beneficiary. Sometimes, the person with a disability is also the Grantor, the person who created the trust.  This might happen if there is a settlement from a lawsuit for example and the person with special needs wants it to be paid to the trust.  

In many if not most cases, the goal may not be to protect the beneficiary’s ability to get public benefits at all. Many people with a disability don’t get special government benefits.  But they do want to protect the beneficiaries from having to manage the assets. Some people are just more susceptible to abuse.

The structure of the arrangement typically reflects the complexity of the family, the desire of siblings and extended family to continue to be involved in the care and attending to the needs of the person with a disability, even if they are not the person directly writing checks.   

Example: Care for Zayna

Example: Zayna is a 24-year-old woman with limited ability to communicate, take care of her needs and requires 24-hour care.  Zayna has three healthy siblings, many aunts, uncles, and cousins. Her father, Elias, earns about $70,000 per year and is divorced. Zayna’s mother Sameena cannot contribute, as she is on social security disability. However, Zayna’s adult brother and sisters, brother in laws, sister in law and several aunts, uncles want to help Zayna meet her needs E.lyas creates a third party special needs trust that would ensure Zayna has what she needs in the years to come.

Zayna receives need-based public benefits that are vital to her in living with her various disabilities and her struggle to gain increasing independence, knowledge and dignity.  So the trust needs to be set up and professionally administered to make sure that when Zayna gets any benefit from her trust, it does not end up disqualifying her ability to get any needs-based benefit.  

Contributions to the special needs trust will not go against Islamic Inheritance rules unless made after the death of the donor.

If Zayna dies, her assets from the special needs trust will be distributed based on the Islamic rules of inheritance as it applies to her.

When disability planning is not about Public Benefits

Perhaps most families with special needs children do not use any needs-based public assistance.  They are still concerned about special needs and planning for it.

Example:  Khadija, 16, is on the autism spectrum. For those familiar with the autism spectrum, that could mean a lot of things.  For her parents, Sarah and Yacoob, other than certain habits that are harmless and easy to get used to, it means Khadija is very trusting of people. Otherwise, she does well in school, and her parents don’t think she needs way more help than her siblings and she has just as good a chance of leading a healthy and productive life as any 16-year-old girl.  

The downside of being too trusting is that the outside world can exploit her.  If she ends up getting inheritance or gifts, she may lose it. The parents decide that when she gets her inheritance, it will be in a trust that would continue through her life.  There will be a trustee who will make sure she has what she needs from her trust, but that nobody can exploit her.

In some ways, what Khadija’s parents Sarah and Yacoob are doing is not so different from what parents might do if they have a child with a substance abuse problem.  They want to give their child her rights, but they don’t want to allow for exploitation and abuse.

Considering your own needs

There are many people who are easy marks for scammers, yet you would be unlikely to know this unless you are either a close friend or family member, or a scammer yourself.  While this often happens to the elderly, it can happen at just about any age. Everyone should consider developing an “incapacity plan” to preserve their wealth even if they lose their executive decision-making ability.   

There is this process in state courts known as “conservatorship.” Indeed, entire courtrooms dedicate themselves to conservatorships and other mental health-related issues.  It is a legal process that causes an individual to lose their financial or personal freedom because a court has essentially declared them not competent to handle their affairs. Conservatorships are a public process.  They can cause a lot of pain embarrassment and internal family strife.

One of the benefits of a well-drafted living trust is to protect privacy and dignity during difficult times.

Example: Haris Investing in Cambodian Rice Farms

Haris, 63, was eating lunch at a diner.  In the waiting area, he became fast friends with Mellissa; a thirty-something woman who was interested in talking about Haris’s grandchildren.  The conversation then turned Melissa and her desire to start a business selling long distance calling cards. Haris was fascinated by this and thought it made good business sense. Haris gave Mellissa $20,000.00. The two exchanged numbers. The next day, Mellissa’s number was disconnected.

Haris’s wife, Julie became alarmed by this.  It was out of character for her husband to just fork over $20,000 to anyone on the spur of the moment.  What was worse is that the business failed immediately.  

Three months later,  Haris meets Mellissa at the diner again.  She then convinces Haris to invest $50,000 in a Cambodian rice farm, which he does right away.   His wife Julie was pretty upset.

How living trusts helps

As it happened though, Haris, a few years before, created a living trust.  It has a provision that includes incapacity planning. There are two essential parts to this:  The first is a system to decide if someone has lost their executive decision-making ability. The second is to have a successor Trustee to look over the estate when the individual has lost this capacity.  This question is about Haris’s fundamental freedom: his ability to spend his own money.

If you asked Haris, he would say nothing is wrong with him.  He looks and sounds excellent. Tells the best dad jokes. He goes to the gym five times a week and can probably beat you at arm wrestling. Haris made some financial mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Julie, and his adult children Haroon, Kulsum, Abdullah, and Rasheeda are not so sure it’s just a mistake.  The living trust created a “disability panel.” This panel gets to vote, privately, in if Haris should continue to act as Trustee of his own money.  If they vote that he should not manage his own money, his wife does it for him.

The family has a way to decide an important and sensitive issue while maintaining Haris’ dignity, privacy and wealth.   Haris’s friends don’t know anything about long distance calling cards or a Cambodian rice farm; they don’t know he lost his ability to act as Trustee of his trust.  Indeed the rest of the world is oblivious to all of this.

Planning for everyone

Islamic inheritance is fard and every Muslim should endeavor to incorporate it into their lives.  As it happens it is an obligation Muslims, at least those in the United States, routinely ignore or deal with inadequately.  However, there is more to planning than just what shares go to whom after death. Every family needs to create a system. There may or may not be problems with children or even with yourself (other than death, which will happen), but you should do whatever you can to protect your family’s wealth and dignity while also fulfilling your obligations to both yourself and your family.

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