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Blessings of Hifz: A Mother’s Story

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By Umm Sarah

This article was originally posted here.

When my older brother finished memorizing the Qur’an and started leading taraweeh back in the late 90s, it wasn’t all that common for children born in the US to have completed hifz, especially without going overseas. An LA Times reporter interviewed my family for a story on his accomplishment. She asked me, then 11 years old, if I was also planning to memorize the Qur’an like my brother. I told her I wasn’t sure yet and then she asked me, “Do you feel that boys are encouraged to memorize the Qur’an more than girls?”

“No,” I replied. I didn’t want the story to take an “Islam’s treatment of women” turn, especially by someone who wasn’t aware of the whole picture. But my answer was only half true.

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I had started memorizing the Qur’an with my older brother, but then paused after memorizing only two of the thirty juz. He was more dedicated and continued. But it would be exaggerating to say the issue was only about dedication. Although my parents encouraged all of us children to memorize and study the Qur’an, the general belief then was that memorizing the Qur’an was not a thing girls needed to do. Most of the few schools for memorization that existed then only catered to boys. “A girl can’t lead taraweeh,” I would often hear people saying. “How will she keep the Qur’an memorized afterwards? Especially since she won’t be able to read during times of the month. So what’s the use of doing hifz anyway?” There was no need to burden a girl with this responsibility of reviewing the Qur’an for the rest of her life. Especially when she couldn’t use it to benefit the community by leading taraweeh prayers or the like.

Despite this, I started memorizing again at home.  This was an unconventional way to memorize, as children usually go to special schools for memorization and follow a rigid routine to complete this. I took it one surah at a time, with no clear end goal in mind. I wasn’t sure whether I was going to complete memorizing the entire Qur’an or stop before that. I had pauses here and there, but eventually, by the grace of Allah, I finished in 2004.

I loved having the relationship with the Qur’an that memorizing the Qur’an gave me, but there were no practical benefits or uses of my hifz in sight then. By the next year both my older and younger brother were leading taraweeh at the masjid and everyone in the community appreciated the fact that they had memorized the Qur’an. As for me, most people didn’t even know I had memorized the Qur’an and even if they did, it made no difference.

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The first time I found myself really appreciating my hifz was when I went to Pakistan to study Islamic sciences. That is also the first time I learned that it’s not an uncommon thing at all for a girl to have memorized the Qur’an. About one third of my classmates were hafizas and I was fortunate to be among them. There were many advantages of having memorized the Qur’an while studying Arabic and Islam. While other students had to struggle to remember ayahs that teachers quoted for daleels (proofs of rulings), look up the proper wording of ayahs, etc. hafizas had a headstart. The Qur’an, the base of all Islamic knowledge, was in our hearts. Just a simple reference to an ayah was all we would need to understand and remember an issue. Often, teachers would ask us to help quote an ayah they couldn’t recall. The subjects of Arabic and tafseer, especially, became easy. Needless to say, having memorized the Qur’an helped me in my studies. When I returned and started teaching classes, the benefits of hifz were obvious in everything. I could quote ayahs easily without having to look them up, something that was especially useful in Tafseer.

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But, ironically, I only truly started appreciating what a great, great blessing hifz is after becoming a mother. And I say ironically because most people thought the “burden” of hifz would be most difficult to carry then. Instead, only after motherhood I realized the great value of this treasure. And as the blessings of hifz come to color every day in mine and my daughters’ lives, my appreciation for hifz grows more and more.

With Ramadan being in the summer now and taraweeh starting after 10 PM and ending near midnight, attending taraweeh at the masjid is not an easy thing for mothers of young children. Last year, I also realized that I would not be able to attend taraweeh at the masjid. But unlike most other mothers I knew, I had a better option. And that was to complete the Qur’an in taraweeh by myself.

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This had always been a dream of mine ever since I completed my hifz, and something that many hafizas actually do every year. But for me, it remained a goal that I never actively worked towards. Most years, I was too tempted to pray in the masjid with the community than stay at home and pray by myself, even though it would give me the much needed opportunity to review my hifz.

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But last Ramadan, when my second daughter was just two months old and my first one not yet two, I decided that this would be the year that I would finally attempt to accomplish this dream. I would spend as much as time as I could during the day in between nursing and changing diapers and chasing after a two year old reviewing the part for the night, and reading it to my husband. At night when everyone else left for taraweeh, the best part of my day would start. The girls would sleep; I would pray. If they were feeling fussy or woke up, I could adjust. I’d take a break between rakahs or perhaps start praying later. Sometimes, they’d just play or watch as I prayed. I didn’t have to worry about missing rakahs, or about my fussy baby bothering others.  And at the end of the month I had accomplished my goal. I had recited the entire Qur’an by heart in prayer. It was the most empowering and fulfilling experience in my life, not to mention how it helped me strengthen my relationship with the Qur’an, or how it saved my Ramadan at a time when motherhood chores were too taxing for me to use my time the way I would have liked to in Ramadan.

Often, people use motherhood and the responsibility of looking after kids as an excuse for girls NOT to do hifz. How will she be able to review the Qur’an and keep it memorized with all those other responsibilities? But this experience led me to feel that motherhood should be counted among one of the many reasons for a girl to DO hifz.  True, it is a bit more challenging to keep reviewing the Qur’an during this busy period of life. But having an excuse to review the Qur’an is a good thing. I would hear fellow moms complaining about their lack of ability to attend taraweeh, about missing out on the recitation of the Qur’an. And I felt incredibly blessed to not have to worry about this at all, to have had my own awesome solution.

This isn’t the only way hifz has benefited me as a mother. Being a hafiza means the Qur’an is your constant companion. I can’t express how soothing it is to know I have this familiar, reliable friend I can always turn to as I navigate the ups and downs of motherhood.  Being a hafiza also means I am able to give my daughters a lot more exposure to the Qur’an. As they accompany me when I go to the masjid to teach Qur’an, or when I’m just reading Qur’an myself, I feel blessed that I am able to put them in such an environment and pass on the Qur’an to them directly without having to depend on others. It’s too early to see much result but I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said my nearly three year old daughter is more familiar with juz amma than most of my much older students. A lot of this is because of the blessings of hifz. And I pray to Allah that He increases their love for the Qur’an as they grow older.

As far as not being able to read Qur’an during certain times, something that people often bring up when explaining why they don’t encourage their daughters to memorize, that’s not really as big an issue as it seems. Sure, it might make hifz a bit more challenging. But the break from Qur’an often provides a chance to recharge interest and return with even more excitement and motivation, something that (to-be) huffaz are often in need of.

I share this to show that memorizing the Quran is a means of great blessings and goodness for everyone, male or female, mother or not. Not everyone needs to use this blessing in the same way. There are different ways huffaz can benefit their community. For me, to read Qur’an to my daughters is much more fulfilling and beneficial in the long run than leading thousands of people in prayer or being on stage and reading for an audience.

It is heartening to see more and more girls memorizing the entire Qur’an. We have come a long way from the time that families would train their sons to be huffaz while leaving their daughters struggling with basic Qur’an reading, let alone memorization. For any parents that might be wondering whether they should encourage their daughters to memorize the Qur’an, I guarantee you that this is the most valuable gift you can give any child. And for any girl who might have been having doubts about whether doing hifz is really worth it, I assure you it is worth it. And the older you grow and the more entangled you get in life’s challenges, whatever you may be facing, hifz is the anchor that will keep bringing you back to the Qur’an and ensure that the Qur’an remain your lifelong companion.

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26 Comments

26 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Wajahat

    June 26, 2015 at 8:35 AM

    Agreed. This article of yours is actually an enthusiasm in itself to memorize the Qur’an

  2. Avatar

    Waleed

    June 26, 2015 at 8:46 AM

    An Awesome article. A real inspiration.

  3. Avatar

    Mahamoud Haji

    June 26, 2015 at 11:02 AM

    The other great benefit is a mother who has memorized Qur’aan will actively encourage her children to do the same!

  4. Avatar

    Manna

    June 26, 2015 at 11:27 AM

    Assalamu’alaikum,

    JazakAllahu khyr. My wife and I are planning to make our daughter (and inshaAllah all our children) a Hafiza. You’ve told us in advance the remarks and criticism we could face and the great benefits. May Allah accept from you and your family and grant you khayr – especially in this month of Ramadaan.

  5. Avatar

    Mummyjaan

    June 26, 2015 at 12:21 PM

    This is one of the most beautiful pieces that I’ve read on Muslim matters; the author’s connection and attachment to the Quran comes across as so sincere, heartfelt and touching. Jazakillah.

  6. Avatar

    Salma Ahamed

    June 26, 2015 at 9:25 PM

    Assalamu Alikum Sister. I would also put forth a perspective that there are few communities around the globe, where female is treated as the only responsibility to carry deen forward to the younger generation, inspite of less exposure to outer world resulting in imbalances in the society. Well, Mankind is diverse. But you did a genuine narration of reality, be it the way a hafiza is appreciated in a community or the benefits of being Hafiza! Alhamdulillah.But both the cases say, A mother who bears quran and deen in heart is most important necessity of the soceity.
    Jazakallahu for your insights.

  7. Avatar

    Saadia

    June 26, 2015 at 11:24 PM

    What a beautiful story! Our daughter is doing Hifzh and it was needed for me to read this article and get so much encouragement!

  8. Avatar

    Syed Husain

    June 27, 2015 at 4:34 AM

    After reading this beatiful story, I can only say “Subhana Allahi wa bay Hamdehi, Subhan Allahil Azeem”.

  9. Avatar

    Areena

    June 27, 2015 at 5:53 AM

    Jazakillahu khairan katheeran :) great motivation. Surely needed it.

  10. Avatar

    Uzma Altaf

    June 27, 2015 at 1:08 PM

    Assalamualaikum…jazak Allah khair….really inspiring…please make dua for me to do the same…

  11. Avatar

    Blueberry

    June 27, 2015 at 3:06 PM

    Good paper documentary

  12. Avatar

    RP

    June 27, 2015 at 4:11 PM

    This is such a great article. I just wanted to add some thoughts. I also memorized the Quran on my own with the help of a few friends. I never went to a madrassa or similar institution. However, I’m a guy. I just wanted to add that a lot of times (especially in the South Asian community), I’ve noticed that memorizing the Quran automatic translates to leading tarawih. It’s as if that is the goal of memorizing. The point of memorizing Quran is to strengthen our relationship with Allah, and that can be done regardless of gender as the author so beautifully illustrated.

  13. Avatar

    Abdul Haq Abdul Kadir

    June 27, 2015 at 4:20 PM

    Subhaanallah. This is the result of true love for Allah. This Noore Ilaahi does not get into the hearts of everyone. Be very grateful to Allah to have such a treasure in your hearts. Baarakallah.

  14. Avatar

    Farhia

    June 27, 2015 at 11:11 PM

    MashAllah you are a role model to some of us young girls who also strive to be hafidhs i.a May Allah bless you snd you family

  15. Avatar

    Arfeen

    June 28, 2015 at 1:25 AM

    Masha Allah .. So touching and inspiring ..jazak Allah for sharing

  16. Avatar

    Umar

    June 28, 2015 at 7:21 AM

    Initially the lack of attention, and societal appreciation was portrayed in a slightly negative light.

    I would argue that this saves one from the trial of corrupting intentions. It is so easy to get carried away when others praise you.

  17. Avatar

    Riaz

    June 28, 2015 at 3:21 PM

    MashaAllah, Very inspiring article. My son is doing Hifz and my daughter would be doing the same in sha Allah. I thank you sister for sharing your story. May Allah give you best reward in this world and hereafter. I am feeling very difficult to teach kids Quran in this country when there is so many distractions particulary internet. Please pray for all muslim kids to memorize Quran, learn and act on its teachings. Amin

  18. Avatar

    Abu Royyahn

    June 29, 2015 at 1:22 AM

    JazakAllahu khyr. My wife and I are planning to make our family insha Allah all Hafizu. You’ve told us in advance the remarks and criticism we could face and the great benefits. May Allah accept it as part of good deed.#Ramadaan kareem

  19. Avatar

    sa'eed Ibn Imran

    June 29, 2015 at 7:49 AM

    Alhamdullah! So inspiring and fascinating.
    This is a true sermon of gender equality, There’s nothing bad in being an hafiza, even though our female cannot lead in prayer. I pray Allah provide for me an Hafiza as a wife.

  20. Avatar

    BR

    June 29, 2015 at 10:24 AM

    Subhanallaah.. just whe n i reached the last 5 paras I was so discouraged to go ahead and that’s when i stumbled upon this beautiful piece of encouragement. … barakallahu feek sis…

  21. Avatar

    Umm Fatoumata

    June 30, 2015 at 10:55 AM

    masha’ALLAH! Very inspiring, JazakALLAH khair!

  22. Avatar

    abdulrazaq bakare

    July 5, 2015 at 4:46 PM

    Barakallahu fee sister. Very inspiring peace. I pray Allah to make it easy for me and my kids too. Asalamu Alaykum

  23. Avatar

    Islamic School

    December 7, 2015 at 11:03 PM

    After reading this beatiful story, I can only say “Subhana Allahi ”and We should make all our children’s a Hifz.

  24. Avatar

    Asiya

    March 5, 2016 at 10:17 AM

    Great article and very inspiring, especially for me as someone who hasn’t memorised much and is married to a Haafiz!

    Barak Allahu feeki

  25. Avatar

    ghulam mustafa

    March 29, 2016 at 10:09 AM

    Quran for kids- The best start quran designed for children
    http://www.qtvtutor.com/course/quran-for-kids/

  26. Avatar

    Saba

    May 25, 2016 at 8:22 PM

    Beautiful ما شاء الله

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#Life

Convert Story: To Ask Or Not to Ask, That is the Question

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“How did you convert to Islam” is a question that is commonly asked to those who convert to Islam. While the short answer to this question is, “I said shahada”, the long (and more detailed) answer is one that is commonly expected.

It is important to acknowledge that the majority of “born Muslims” who ask this question do such out of good intentions. For this reason, I wrote this piece out of a place of love and not out of a place of judgment or hatred. While it is important for “born Muslims” to be mindful of how they ask this question, it is equally important for converts to not hold ill will towards born Muslims who ask this question. Due to the fact that Islamophobia is rampant in both the media and political discourse, many “born Muslims” are naturally shocked and emotional when they meet people who accept Islam. Some “born Muslims” have also had limited interactions with converts and therefore, to them, it is not only shocking for them to meet converts, but they are genuinely unaware of certain etiquettes when it comes to asking a convert for his or her story.

In this piece, I am going to write about a pet peeve that is shared among many Muslim converts. While I cannot speak for every single convert, I can say that based on innumerable conversations I have had with fellow converts, there is one thing most of us agree on and it is this; it is rude to ask a convert about his or her conversion story when you haven’t built a relationship with the convert. This piece will explain why many converts consider such a question to be intrusive. The purpose of this article is to better educate the “born Muslim” community on how they can do a better job in support of converts to Islam. In this piece, I will break down the reasons why this question can come off as intrusive if it isn’t asked in a proper manner. I will also include personal anecdotes to support my position.

I would like to conclude by saying that I do not discourage “born Muslims” from asking this question entirely, rather I am merely arguing that this question should be asked with the best of adab.

Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:  “Part of a person’s being a good Muslim is leaving alone that which does not concern him.” (Tirmidhi) For this reason, such a question should be asked for purpose and it should be done with the best of manners. This is supported by the fact that Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said, “I have been sent to perfect good character.” (Al Muwatta)

Note: For the sake of avoiding confusion, the term “born Muslim” is defined as anyone who was brought up in a Muslim household.

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is to ask about the person’s personal relationship with God

Within the context of a friendship, it is generally understood that friends will share personal details with each other. However, it is also generally understood that it is rude to ask people you just met personal questions. To ask a new acquaintance a personal question in most cases comes off as intrusive. This is especially the case in which you ask a person about his or her relationship with God.

For example, there are women who do not wear hijab. Even if we do (for a moment) ignore the Islamic ruling concerning hijab, we should all agree that a woman’s reason for wearing (or not wearing) hijab is a personal matter that is between said woman and God. If one was to ask a woman who doesn’t wear hijab why she doesn’t wear it, that would be intrusive because such a question would involve interrogating said woman about her relationship with God.

Another example concerns a married couple. If one was to meet a married person for the first time, it can be considered rude to ask said person about his or her relationship with his or her spouse.

When one asks a convert about his or her choice to convert, one is literally asking said convert about his or her relationship with God.

I am not saying that it is wrong in all cases to ask such a question. However, one should be mindful of the fact that because this is a personal question, one should have at least have built some form of a friendship with said person before asking.

convert friendship hugs

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is another way of asking, “Why do you believe in Islam?”

Many people identify to a faith tradition because it was part of their upbringing. If you were to ask a person who was born Muslim, “why are you Muslim?” you might hear said Muslim respond with, “I am Muslim because I was raised Muslim” and you wouldn’t hear a detailed answer beyond this.

In most cases, a convert to Islam (or any other religion) did such after research and critical thinking. To convert to a new religion involves not only deep thinking but a willingness to step into the unknown.

I have on many occasions told my story to people. In most cases I will ask the person “why do you believe in Islam?” I am then disappointed when I find out that the only reason the person is Muslim is due to upbringing. While I am not saying that said person’s faith is invalid or less than mine, a person who only identifies with a religion due to upbringing is a person who didn’t engage in critical thinking.

Any relationship should be built upon equality and mutual benefit. If I as a convert am able to provide a well thought out answer as to why I believe in Islam, I expect a well thought out answer to the same question from the person who initially asked me.

Again, while I am not saying it is wrong in all cases to ask, a born Muslim should ask himself or herself “why do I believe in Islam?” In my opinion, there are many who are born into Muslim families who don’t truly believe until later in their lives. Those Muslims in my opinion (and mine alone) are similar to converts.

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is to ask the convert to perform labor.

In some cases, “born Muslims” expect converts to tell their stories. I can remember a few incidents in which I have been asked to tell my story and I politely declined. In response, the person became angry. This to me is a symptom of entitlement. Nobody is entitled to know anything about anyone else (aside from people with whom one has a natural relationship with).

In addition, one should be cognizant of the fact that converts typically get asked this question repeatedly. Thus after a significant amount of time, a convert is prone to get tired of repeating the same question over again repeatedly. Naturally, it can become exhausting eventually.

While I do not believe it is wrong to ask this question in all cases, one should not ask this question to a convert from a place of entitlement. I can think of cases where I have been asked this question by “born Muslims” and when I have refused to provide an answer, they have gotten angry at me. This is entitlement.

To ask a convert “Why did you convert?” is to ask the convert to explain his or her personal life.

Backbiting is one of the worst sins in Islam. Another major sin is to disrespect one’s parents. Thus we can conclude that backbiting about one’s parents is a huge sin.

This is evidenced by the fact that Allah has said (ﷻ) “We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents.” (Quran 29:8)

A typical follow-up question to “Why did you convert?” is “How did your parents react?” This in many cases puts the convert in a position where one may feel pressured to mention some negative details about his or her parents. In Islam, parents are to be respected, even if they aren’t Muslim.

Before asking a convert this question, one should be mindful of not putting unnecessary pressure on the convert to commit this injustice.

convert friendship

Cases when it is appropriate to ask

However, I do maintain a firm belief that in any true friendship, things will be shared. I don’t think it is wrong in itself to ask a convert about his or her story provided that there already exists a relationship where personal information can be shared. It is highly suggested to hang out with the person first and then ask the convert for his or her story.

As a personal rule of mine, unless I have hung out with the person one on one at least once (or a few times in group gatherings) I don’t tell any born Muslims my conversion story. Naturally, I only share personal details with people I consider to be a friend. If I would hang out with the person, I consider that person to be a friend.

The reason I am also hesitant to share my story with just anyone who asks me is because I can think of countless cases of when I have shared my story to people I have never seen or heard from again. I choose to exert my agency to share personal details of my life to people who I consider to be part of my life. While many Muslims are happy when people convert, many Muslims also fail to provide any form of support for said convert after conversion. I have seen too many cases of when a person recites shahadah, people pull their phones out to record it, but very few will give the convert his or her number. I genuinely believe that many “born Muslims” fail to see the big picture in this regard.

Before asking a convert for his or her story, you should ask yourself if you are comfortable sharing personal details of your life to that person. If you are not comfortable sharing personal details of your life to that person, there is nothing wrong with that. However, you shouldn’t expect the convert to share personal details if you aren’t comfortable sharing personal details. Even if you have built a close friendship with someone, you still aren’t expected to share every detail of your life to someone. Even if you consider a convert to be a close friend, you should still respect a convert’s wishes to not share his or her story.

Conclusion

While I have addressed concerns about the tendency of “born Muslims” to ask converts about their journeys, I want to acknowledge that most people have good intentions. In Islam, the natural state of any person is one of righteousness.

I firmly believe that a friendship that isn’t built on trust and the sharing of personal information isn’t a genuine friendship. Therefore the key term in this context is “friend”. If you wish to ask a convert his or her story, please make sure the following conditions are met:

  1. You are already friends with the convert to a point where asking a convert about his or her relationship with God isn’t an intrusive question. Ask yourself, “Are we close enough where we can share other personal details of our lives with each other?”
  2. You have a well thought out reason as to why you believe in Islam.
  3. You don’t feel entitled to know about the convert’s journey and that you will allow the convert to choose not to share such information if the convert doesn’t wish to.
  4. You don’t probe into the convert’s relationships with other people.
  5. You aren’t just asking the question to somehow feel validated about your belief in Islam.

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Dawah and Interfaith

10 Lessons I Learned While Serving Those in Need

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I have spent about a decade serving the impoverished domestically and recently, abroad. I don’t work for a major charity organization, I work for my community, through grassroots efforts. It was something embedded in me while learning Islam. Before starting a charity organization, I started studying Islam with Dr. Hatem Alhaj (my mentor) and various other scholars. The more I studied, the more I wanted to implement what I was learning. What my community needed at the time was intensive charity work, as it was neglected entirely by our community. From that, I collected 10 lessons from servicing those in need. 

1. My bubble burst

One of the first things I experienced was the bursting of my bubble, a sense of realization. I, like many others, was unaware of the hardship in my own community. Yes, we know the hadith and see the events unfold on the news and social media, but when a father of three cried before me because a bag of groceries was made available for him to take home, that moment changed me. We tend to forget how little it takes, to make a huge difference in someone’s life. This experience, made me understand the following hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Every Muslim has to give in charity.” The people then asked: “(But what) if someone has nothing to give, what should he do?” The Prophet replied: “He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns).” The people further asked: “If he cannot find even that?” He replied: “He should help the needy, who appeal for help.” Then the people asked: “If he cannot do (even) that?” The Prophet said finally: “Then he should perform good deeds and keep away from evil deeds, and that will be regarded as charitable deeds.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 524. I

t is simply an obligation, due to the amount of good it generates after you do this one action. I then realized even more how beautiful Islam is for commanding this deed. 

2. Friendships were developed on good deeds

Serving the poor is a great reward in itself. The Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “Save yourself from hellfire by giving even half a date-fruit in charity.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 498. But it is better done with a team, I began building a team of people with similar objectives in serving the needy. These people later became some of my closest friends, who better to keep close to you than one that serves Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) by helping the neediest in the same community you reside in. Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” [reported by Abu Dawood & Tirmidhee] This is turn kept me on the right path of pleasing Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). Working with a team removes a lot of the burden as well and the depression that might occur seeing the saddest stories on a daily basis. Allah says in the Qur’ān, “Indeed the believers are brothers.” (49:10). Sometimes there is a misconception that you have to have a huge office or a large masjid in order to get work done. But honestly, all you need is a dedicated group of people with the right intention and things take off from there. 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: 'If you love the poor and bring them near you. . .God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection.' - Al-Tirmidhi,Click To Tweet

3. Made me thankful

This made me thankful for whatever I had, serving the less fortunate reminded me daily to turn to Allah and ask for forgiveness and so be thankful. This kind of service also puts things into perspective. What is truly important in life? I stepped further and further away from a materialistic lifestyle and allowed me to value things that can’t be valued by money. I learned this from the poorest of people in my community, who strived daily for their family regardless of their situation — parents who did what they can to shield their children from their harsh reality. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “If you love the poor and bring them near you. . .God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection.” – Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1376. They had a quality about them, despite their poverty status. They were always some of the kindest people I have known. 

dardir

4. People want to do Good

I learned that people want to do good; they want to improve their community and society. I began to see the impact on a communal level, people were being more engaged. We were the only Muslim group helping indiscriminately in our county. Even the people we helped, gave back by volunteering at our food pantry. We have schools where small kids (under adult supervision) partake in preparing meals for the needy, local masajids, churches, and temples, high school kids from public schools, and college organizations (Muslim and nonMuslim) visit frequently from several cities in neighboring counties, cities, and states. The good spreads a lot easier and faster than evil. People want to do good, we just need more opportunities for them to join in. United we can rock this world.

“We need more light about each other. Light creates understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity.” Malcolm X. Click To Tweet

5. Smiles

Smiles, I have seen the wealthiest smiles on the poorest people. Despite being on the brink of homelessness, when I saw them they had the best smile on their faces. This wasn’t all of them, but then I would smile back and that changed the environment we were in. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” – Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98. Smiles are truly universal.

6. It’s ok to cry

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah said: “A man who weeps for fear of Allah will not enter Hell until the milk goes back into the udder, and dust produced (when fighting) for the sake of Allah and the smoke of Hell will never coexist.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasaa’i. There are situations you see that hit you hard; they fill your heart with emotions, but that never swayed my concrete belief in Allah’s wisdom. Crying before Allah, not just out of fear, but to be thankful for His Mercy upon you is a relief.

7. Learning to say no

It was one of the hardest things I had to do, a lot (if not all) of the requests I received for help were extremely reasonable. I do not think anyone asked for anything outrageous. Our organization started becoming the go-to organization in our area for help, but we are one organization, with limited resources, and a few times we were restricted on when or how we could help. This is where learning to say no became a learned skill. Wedid do our best to follow up with a plan or an alternative resource.

8. It is part of raising a family and finding yourself

How so? Being involved in your community doesn’t take away from raising your family, it is part of it. I can’t watch and do nothing and expect my children to be heroes. I have to lead by example. Helping others is good for my family’s health. Many people living in our country are consumed with their busy lives. Running out the door, getting to work, driving the kids to their after school activities, spending weekends taking care of their families, etc. So people have a fear of investing hours in doing this type of work. But in reality, this work puts more blessings in your time.

One may feel they are taking time away from their family, but in reality, when one comes back home, they find more peace in their home then they left it with. By helping others, I improve the health and culture of my community, this in turn positively impacts my family.

I enjoy being a softie with my family and friends. I am a tall bearded man, and that image suited me better. I am not sure what made me softer, having kids or serving the poor. Either way, it was rewarding and defined my role and purpose in my community.

I learned that you make your own situation. You can be a spectator, or you can get in there and do the best you can to help. It gave me an opportunity to be a role model for my own children, to show them the benefit of doing good and helping when you can.

It came with a lot of humility. Soon after starting I realized that all I am is a facilitator, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is giving an opportunity of a lifetime to do this work, a line of work very little people get to engage in regularly. My advice to my readers, if you can serve the poor do so immediately before you get occupied or busy with life.

Helping others is good for my family’s health.Click To Tweet

9. Dawah through action

As I mentioned before I did spend time studying, and at one point developed one of the top dawah initiatives in the country (according to IERA). But the reality is, helping the less fortunate is my type of dawah, people started to associate our food pantry and helping others with Islam. As an organization with one of the most diverse groups of volunteers, people from various religious backgrounds found the environment comfortable and hospitable. I began working with people I never would have worked before if I had stuck to traditional dawah, studying, or masjid involvement, all of which are critical. This became a symbol of Islam in our community, and while serving, we became those that embodied the Quran and Sunnah. For a lot of those we served, we were the first Muslims they encountered, and Alhamdulilah for the team we have. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) also says in the Quran: “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you” (3:159). It is our actions that can turn people away or towards Islam.

10. Once you serve the needy, you do this for life

I wasn’t volunteering on occasion,— this was an unpaid job that was done regularly. I got requests and calls for emergencies daily at times. It took up hours upon hours every week. As a charity worker, I developed experience and insight in this field. I learned that this was one of the best ways I could serve Allah [swt. “They ask you (O Muhammad) what they should spend in charity. Say: ‘Whatever you spend with a good heart, give it to parents, relatives, orphans, the helpless, and travelers in need. Whatever good you do, God is aware of it.'” – The Holy Quran, 2:215

I believe the work I do with the countless people that do the same is the best work that can be done in our current political climate and globalization. My views and thoughts have evolved over the years seeing situations develop to what they are today. This gave me a comprehensive outlook on our needs as a society and allowed me to venture off and meet people top in their fields like in social activism, environmentalism, labor, etc.

I want to end with three sectors in society that Muslims prosper in and three that Muslims can improve on. We strive on individual education (noncommunal), distributing and organizing charity, and more recently being politically engaged. What we need to improve on is our environmental awareness, working with and understanding unions and labor rights, and organizing anti-war movements. 

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He Catches Me When I Fall: A Journey To Tawakkul

Tawakkul- a leaf falling
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The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

While discussing an emotionally-heavy issue, my therapist brought up the point that in life we can reach a point of acceptance in regards to our difficult issues: “It sounds cliche, but there’s no other way to say it: it is what it is.”

Okay, I thought, as I listened. Acceptance. Yes, I can do this eventually. She went on to add: “It is what it is, and I know that everything will be okay.””

Tears had already been flowing, but by this point, full-blown sobs started. “I…can’t….seem…to ever…believe that.” There. I had said it. I had faked being confident and accepting, even to myself. I had faked the whole, “I have these health problems, but I am so together” type of vibe that I had been putting out for years.

Maybe it was the hormones of a third pregnancy, confronting the realities of life with multiple chronic diseases, family problems, or perhaps a midlife crisis: but at that moment, I did not feel deep in my heart with true conviction that everything would be okay.

That conversation led me to reflect on the concept of tawakkul in the following weeks and months. What did it mean to have true trust in Allah? And why was it that for years I smiled and said, “Alhamdulillah, I’m coping just fine!” when in reality, the harsh truth was that I felt like I had not an ounce of tawakkul?

I had led myself to believe that denying my grief and slapping a smile on was tawakkul. I was being outwardly cheerful — I even made jokes about my life with Multiple Sclerosis — and I liked to think I was functioning all right. Until I wasn’t.

You see, the body doesn’t lie. You can tell all the lies you want to with your tongue, but after some time, the body will let you know that it’s holding oceans of grief, unshed tears, and unhealed traumas. And that period of my life is a tale for another time.

The short story is that things came to a head and I suddenly felt utterly overwhelmed and terrified daily about my future with a potentially disabling disease, while being diagnosed with a second major chronic illness, all while caring for a newborn along with my other children. Panic attacks and severe anxiety ensued. When I realized that I didn’t have true tawakkul, I had to reflect and find my way again.

I thought about Yaqub (Jacob). I thought long and hard about his grief: “Yaa asafaa ‘alaa Yusuf!” “Oh, how great is my grief for Joseph!”

He wept until he was blind. And yet, he constantly asserted, “Wallahul-Musta’aan”: “Allah is the one whose help is sought.” And he believed.

Oh, how did he believe. His sons laughed and called him an old fool for grieving over a son lost for decades. He then lost another dear son, Binyamin. And yet he said, “Perhaps it will be that my Lord will bring them to me altogether.”

There is no sin in grief Click To Tweet

So my first realization was that there was no sin in the grief. I could indeed trust Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) while feeling a sorrow so profound that it ripped me apart at times. “The heart grieves and the eyes weep, but the tongue does not say that except which pleases its Lord. Oh, Ibrahim, we are gravely saddened by your passing.” These are the words of our Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) for a lost infant son, said with tears pouring down his blessed face, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him).

I thought of the Year of Grief, Aamul-Huzn, when he, Allah’s peace be upon him, lost the woman who was the love of his life and the mother of his children; as well as an uncle who was like a father. The year was named after his grief! And here I was denying myself this human emotion because it somehow felt like a betrayal of true sabr?

Tawakkul, tawakkul, where are you? I searched for how I could feel it, truly feel it.Click To Tweet

Through years of introspection and then therapy, I realized that I had a personality that centered around control. I expressed this in various ways from trying to manage my siblings (curse of the firstborn), to trying to manage my childbirth and health. If I only did the “right” things, then I could have the perfect, “natural” birth and the perfect picture of health.

When I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, these illusions started to crack. And yet even then, I thought that if I did the right things, took the right supplements and alternative remedies and medications, that I wouldn’t have trouble with my MS.

See, when you think you control things and you attempt to micromanage everything, you’ve already lost tawakkul. You’ve taken the role of controlling the outcome upon yourself when in reality, your Lord is in control. It took a difficult time when I felt I was spiraling out of control for me to truly realize that I was not the master of my outcomes. Certainly, I would “tie my camel” and take my precautions, but then it was a matter of letting go.

At some point, I envisioned my experience of tawakkul as a free-fall. You know those trust exercises that you do at summer camps or company retreats? You fall back into the arms of someone and relinquish any control over your muscles. You are supposed to be limp and fully trust your partner to catch you.

I did this once with a youth group. After they fell–some gracefully and trusting, some not — I told them: “This is the example of tawakkul. Some of you didn’t trust and you tried to break your fall but some of you completely let go and let your partner catch you. Life will throw you down, it will hit you over and over, and you will fall–but He, subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), will be there to break your fall.”

I am falling. There is a degree of terror and sadness in the fall. But that point when through the pain and tears I can say, “It is what it is, and no matter what, everything will be okay”, that right there is the tranquility that comes from tawakkul.

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The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

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