10 Comments

1. 

   Rahat

   October 30, 2014 at 12:45 PM

   Totally unrelated to this article, but you guys need to have a ‘Latest post’ section on muslimmatters. It’s difficult finding your newest articles.

   You should also think about adding a subscription form and send out monthly newsletters with the latest articles.

   Reply
   • 

     Aly Balagamwala

     October 31, 2014 at 5:34 AM

     Dear Rahat

     We have a newsletter that goes out every 2 weeks and you can subscribe at http://muslimmatters.org/subscribe-muslimmatters-biweekly-newsletter/

     We are in the process of making the subscription more visible to readers and should be done by end of the coming week in sha Allah.

     Aly
     MM Newsletter Team Lead

     Reply
     • 

       mew

       November 23, 2014 at 10:58 AM

       I prefer the old website layout

       Reply

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3. 

   Hibaysh

   November 2, 2014 at 12:26 PM

   In secular contexts, I have read that it is not feasible to wait for the husband to change, which is the point sister Umm Reem has highlighted. However, in an Islamic context, would it be wise to ask them to leave the husband at one go? Shouldn’t one be careful when giving such advice also, since one of shaitan’s main aim is to separate husband and wife? However, I agree with this point- that Allah wouldn’t have allowed divorce if He (swt) just wanted a person in a problematic marriage to not use the means He (swt) has provided to resolve the problem. I would also like to point out that sometimes naive brothers and sisters coming across these points might be tempted to classify normal arguments and fights between husband and wife as abuse. I think a proper definition of oppression and abuse from an Islamic perspective should also be made clear along with such a message. I particularly liked how sister Umm Reem differentiated between Marital abuse and religious persecution-but then the question remains; What is marital abuse? That; and what it is not should be clearly defined.

   Sometimes abuse is a part of the culture- and the women are taught to be okay with it from a young age. And men are taught to use it to boost their ego or whatever they use it for. I know of a sister who underwent physical, mental and emotional abuse when she was pregnant. The guy is a horror. And I just want to scream to her to leave him. I wish I can do it without a moment of doubt and 100% conviction! But I hesitate because.. one needs a lot of understanding and wisdom when handling such situations, I guess. Can I ask her to leave him with the conviction that it is for the best? I don’t know..because the alternative is a single mother without financial support. The society here frowns upon that. And that adds to her mental woes. May Allah grant her relief.

   Reply
   • 

     ummrayhan

     November 8, 2014 at 7:30 PM

     asalam alaikum, my take on interfering into other family matters as you describe above is that I would not do it unless I’m capable of picking up the pieces, sheltering the lady in your own house for instance or helping with going to abuse service etc, financial and moral support, if you know what I mean…. as you said, if the society where she lives is like that, then she needs a bit more hands on help than a mere advise by a well meaning friend

     Reply

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5. 

   Aasia

   November 11, 2014 at 12:46 AM

   I am so glad that Umm Reem has started this series and so glad to hear her speak. Marriage issues are mostly complicated but someone needs to address them. Also, I do agree that abuse needs to be defined. However, I disagree that Umm Reem is advocating divorce in abusive relationship. She is basically emphasizing to stand up for yourself and stop the abuse. Of course, divorce is one option but the other option is to stand up for your rights. To know that Islam came to empower women, to honor them and to cherish them. Abusing them is going against the teachings of Islam. Look how Prophet Mohammad peace be upon him was towards the women- his wives, his daughters etc Umm Aymen was one of the women that suckled him and he honored her by saying that she is her mother. Bullying a wife and getting angry should not be tolerated. Unfortunately, girls are not raised or taught to have confidence in the power and rights that Islam gave them and Allah sent His beloved messenger peace be upon him to show the world how a women is to be honored and cherished.

   It is really important to be honest and sincere in a marriage and to tell the husband specifically what he is doing wrong and to implore to him to fear Allah and His messenger peace be upon him

   Sisters please know more about Islam study see rah so that truly you can say from your heart that Allah is my Rab Mohammad my messenger and Islam my deen. Did you know Allah commanded men to be kind to women in His Book? Do you know how much Allah loves you? He created you with so much love that if you only realized it you will become so tearful. If Allah didn’t want the welfare of women He wouldn’t have sent Islam in the first place. You know how women were treated before Islam? So be strong sisters for Allah is with you and stand up for your rights!

   Reply
6. 

   June

   October 5, 2016 at 6:01 AM

   Thank you very much for this explanation! I really pray for sisters to know their actual value in Islam and know that Aasiya a.s. is a shining example of being a brave Muslimah and not an abused married woman!

   Reply
7. 

   quicksilver

   August 4, 2017 at 1:30 PM

   I am glad that you’ve taken up this issue. Could you please discuss this in the light of the ayah in surah Nisa which talks about men being allowed to hit men if their behaviour is ‘egregious’. Also people often site the example of Zubair ibn Awwam’s ( R.A.) relationship with Asma (R.A.), that he would beat her up and it was difficult for her. Could you please throw some light on this. JazakiAllah khayr

   Reply