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What’s The Matter? | Crisis of Faith This Ramadan

Question:

I used to love the deen, but now I see it as I imagine a non-Muslim would; I often ask, what’s the point, why does it need to be so strict and complicated. I don’t feel a soul connection with the deen as I used to.

The issue is, I don’t have someone I can sit and speak frankly to about all of this because my community placed me on a pedestal because of how I used to be. They don’t realize I’m not like that anymore. Even if I try to be honest about what I’m feeling now, they unintentionally twist it to be a good thing, because they’ve always had a good image of me.

At the same time, I also feel embarrassed to show the truth. So I basically live a facade on the outside of a very practicing and God-fearing Muslimah, and have to hide what I feel on the inside. Talking to non-Muslim friends is also not an option because they also have always seen me defending my faith, and I would never want to be the reason someone looks down on Islam.

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I have no one I can speak to about how I feel, and so the feelings are not going away. I want to believe that Islam is the sole truth and that everyone knows this in their heart, and that no one is truly happy without it – but I look around and sometimes I think to myself, well, these people look pretty happy to me.

I feel torn between two worlds, my old one full of religious Muslims and Dawah etc. and my new one in which I feel compassion towards the world, want to value individual choices of others, and see religion as a restriction on that.

Jazaka Allahu Khair,

Torn Between Two Worlds with a Crisis of Faith

[divider]

Answer:

Bismillah wasalaat wa salaam ‘ala Rasoolillah;

SubhanAllah, so many of us have been through such difficult times in terms of our imaan that may cause us to feel hypocritical because our actions no longer correspond with our internal struggles;  and it can be especially hard when people continue to place you on a pedestal.  It can be so hard to live up to people’s unrealistic expectations of us- there can be a fear that you will lose everyone if you falter just once and also a sense of loneliness in being unable to confide in anyone.  But, remember, do all that you’re doing for the sake of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and realize, “If Allah loves someone He calls (angel) Jibreel and says: ‘I love so-and-so, so you love him.’ Jibreel loves him and calls the other angels in Heaven to love that person. They love him, then his love is made upon earth, and he becomes loved.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

It can be incredibly stressful to have people admire and look up to you- and this can be a way that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is testing you to ensure that you remain humble (which it sounds like you have masha’Allah) and can also be a testament to His loving you (I ask Allah to make that true- ameen).  I ask Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to reward you for reaching out in trying to resolve the dissonance you feel and I ask Him subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to alleviate the doubts from you heart and mind and lighten the load on your heart.

Even though you perceive yourself as living a facade because your heart is not being impacted as it used to be by acts of worship, it is still praiseworthy to maintain them masha’Allah.  Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) did not command us to get an imaan rush with every salah, although we should work toward that, rather, He commanded us to pray our five salat on time everyday.  By doing so, you are obeying Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and insha’Allah you’ll be rewarded for that even if you don’t feel it like you used to. Contrary to what many people say, our religion is not simply one of heartfelt feeling; it is also one of action; and actions can strongly impact us as well.

There is a clear link, psychologically, between emotions, thoughts and behaviors.  When one changes, the other two can be impacted as well. As you maintain your worship of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), insha’Allah your thoughts and emotions will also change.  However, it may take time and effort.  Try to work on changing your thought process about this as well.

Consider viewing this struggle as a test from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to see whether you will continue to worship Him despite the emptiness you feel or whether you will stop striving to revive that sweetness of faith.  Also, remember that worshiping Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is for us, not for Him- He is not in need of our worship; rather, we are the ones who benefit from it.  Try to remind yourself that you worship Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) because He is truly the only One that deserves to be worshipped, rather than in an attempt to gain anything.  Remind yourself that all you have been given- from the air you breathe, to your physical capabilities, to your mind and to the kindness and compassion Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has placed in your heart toward others (because you are clearly a very kind-hearted person masha’Allah- it’s easy to tell from the way you presented your concerns)- is bestowed upon you from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).  So despite your doubts and the feelings in your heart, you realize that you’re praying, fasting, etc. because Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) deserves this honor.

And even more importantly than this- consistently make du’aa.  It sounds like you truly miss that feeling of worship resonating with you and impacting your heart.  Pretty much everyone experiences a crisis of faith at some level during the course of their lives (often several times)- it’s difficult not to be impacted by everything we’re bombarded with so much in terms of anti-Islam rhetoric and such a wide variety of moral standards.  However, what differentiates one person from another is how they choose to deal with it.  Do they give up?  Or do they consistently seek Allah’s help?  Never doubt that your du’aa will be heard and accepted.  It truly makes all the difference.

Looking at non-Muslims and viewing them with compassion is a great thing- both Islamically and psychologically.  Our religion does not prohibit valuing and appreciating individual choices; Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) created us all with free will and it is one of the tests and beauties of being human beings; and even if we disagree with a person’s choice, this does not necessitate devaluingthe person him/herself.

There are even examples from amongst the companions of the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) where their actions were criticized; however, they as people were still exemplified as role models for us.  I remember making more non-Muslim friends than I ever had before when I was doing my Master’s degree.  It was a very different experience and I was exposed to the “human side” of issues that a lot of Muslims typically simply ignored (i.e. homosexuality, extreme liberalism in values, a variety of different religions, etc.).  You’re right- so many of them looked so happy; and they were!  But happiness is relative- we seek not only the happiness of this life but that of the hereafter; and instant gratification and pleasure may make us happy now but does not necessitate happiness later. There is a hadith where the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “The dunya is a prison for the believer and Paradise for the disbeliever” [Sahih Muslim]

One thing that I really took from those years that made a difference for me, personally, was taking the good from the people I encountered and leaving the bad.  Differentiate between what is permissible and impermissible Islamically and learn from the experiences others share with you; however, draw a line in what is approved of based on our deen.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t empathize with people whose lifestyles you disagree with- it simply means that, despite your respect for someone as a person, you can disagree with something they choose to do.

There are times when we feel far from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) but realize that He is never far from us.  We know this for a fact because Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says,

And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then [tell them] surely, I am near. I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright.” [Surah al-Baqarah 2:186]

Hold onto that and realize that this is an opportunity to bring yourself closer to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) by relying on Him and trusting Him to guide you and instill happiness within your heart.

May Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) grant you tremendous peace and happiness and reward you for striving to become closer to Him subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). Ameen.

 

-Sarah Sultan, LMHC

 

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Sarah Sultan is a licensed Mental Health Counselor and has a Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling from Brooklyn College of the City University of New York, graduating Summa Cum Laude. She has experience in a variety of therapeutic interventions and has worked with several age groups including children with special needs, adolescents with emotional and behavioral issues, families undergoing difficulties and survivors of trauma and domestic violence. Sarah is currently working as a therapist at a residential treatment center for teens in crisis, where she works with adolescents dealing with suicidality, trauma, self-harming behaviors, aggression and a variety of other issues. She is also an instructor with Mishkah University, where she teaches a course about the intersection between Islam, psychology and counseling. She has been actively involved in serving the Muslim community over the course of the past 10 years through providing lectures, halaqas and workshops.

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                  Mental Health & COVID-19: Light, Guidance, & Much Love | Part 1

                  Insha’Allah, you and your loved ones are safe & healthy. May Allah swt protect us all from COVID-19, Ya Hafidh, and open the way for our spiritual growth, Ya Fattah Ya Rabb. No doubt, we are living in very challenges times, and many in our community are suffering. As such, my intention for this two-part series is to provide some beneficial perspectives and practical strategies that will make your emotional journey safer & easier, insha’Allah.

                  And a journey it surely is. We are on a very long hike up a very steep mountain. And we have only two choices about HOW we approach this challenge: unskillfully or skillfully. If we wear flip-flops, and fail to pack water and snacks, we will have a very difficult time reaching the summit. And if we do, we will be in very bad shape. If we wear good socks, sturdy hiking boots, and our backpack is well-stocked, not only are we likely to reach the summit, but reach it in great shape. This is what I want for our beloved community, insha’Allah.

                  As Muslims, it is crucial to remember that the ultimate summit is the hereafter. Truly, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is our goal and pleasing Him is our aim. Truly, everything we do or fail to do here has an impact there. For many people, this haqq is much more difficult to remember and actualize when their day-to-day challenges are daunting. This is why historically and traditionally, in times of crisis, Muslims have always sought the nasiha of wise elders. Imam Muhasibi, the father of Islamic Psychology, developed this crucial, beautiful science in response to the human needs of his students. Sadly, the loss of these teachings as a widespread living tradition has contributed in large part to the widespread mental-health problems that have been plaguing our community for a very long time, which have now been exacerbated by COVID-19.

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                  The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

                  Here’s a good metaphor. The science of nutrition teaches us about our body, the properties of different foods, what to avoid to prevent disease, and the vital nutrients we MUST ingest to attain optimum physical health. Likewise, the science of mental health teaches us about our heart and mind, the impact of specific activities, what to avoid to prevent disease, and the vital psychological nutrients we MUST ingest to attain optimum mental health. Lack of knowledge about Islamic Psychology and the absence of the vital psychological nutrients have taken a huge toll on our community. The stories I hear would probably shock you. They would certainly break your heart. Especially the stories of our young people, who are my top priority. Insha’Allah, the wake-up call of COVID-19 propels us to reclaim en masse this lost part of our spiritual heritage, so we can reclaim our vitality and nobility as the Ummah of Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him).

                  To continue with the metaphor. Working one-on-one with an experienced nutritionist is very different than reading a book about nutrition. With the former, your nutritional program is specifically tailored to your particular problems, challenges, habits, and temperament. The same is true when it comes to mental health. So I must manage your expectations honestly and honorably by saying that it is not possible for me to do in two articles for the general public what I do one-on-one in my private practice as a psychotherapist, life-coach, and spiritual mentor. Truly, there is a palpable, powerful, fitrah-based alchemy that can only happen when two human hearts link-up in real time. That said, in the same way that reading and learning about nutrition is very beneficial, so too reading and learning about mental health, especially now.

                  Working Skillfully with Difficult Emotions

                  No doubt, COVID-19 has unleashed a wide range of very difficult emotions. People are struggling with tremendous anxiety, uncertainty, fear, sadness, loneliness, depression, helplessness, hopelessness, anger, frustration, confusion, grief, despair, and in some cases, a full-blown crisis of faith. So let me explain a little bit about emotions and how to work with them skillfully  

                  One of the foundational principles of cognitive-behavioral psychology is called ‘reframing.’

                  It is the process of deliberately thinking differently about our situation. Reframing it. The fact is, the lens through which we view our circumstances makes all the difference in the world insofar as how we feel. Thoughts are like the front wheels of the car and feelings are like the back wheels. We must be in the driver seat, steering intentionally. Whichever way the front wheels turn, the back wheels follow. So paying attention to our thoughts moment by moment, and making sure they are aligned with the Qur’an and Sunnah, is crucial. The mind is a like a muscle that MUST be trained through specific exercises, and our tradition is rich in the techniques for doing so. Truly, we must hit the spiritual gym regularly. The heavy lifting of muhasiba (self-reckoning) and muraqaba (mindfulness/meditation) are not optional. If these are not already a consistent part of your spiritual practice, NOW is the time to take them up. You will be so happy you did!

                  Here’s a good metaphor. If you are a longtime couch potato, even a flight of stairs leaves you huffing and puffing. If you are in good shape, you’re able to jog around the block easily. If you’re in great shape, you’re able to leap over the hurdles like a gazelle. For many, COVID-19 has been like asking a couch potato to run a marathon. So we need to get in the best spiritual shape possible as quickly as possible. To that end:

                  The Centering Exercise 

                  Every time you notice that you are feeling sad, anxious, fearful, angry, hopeless, helpless, impatient, frustrated, confused, or depressed, here’s what to do.  

                  • Turn off your devices and put them in another room.
                  • Close your door and put a “Please do not disturb.” sign on the doorknob. Lay down.
                  • Close your eyes. Turn your attention to your heart. Remember the Hadith Qudsi, “Heaven and earth cannot contain me but the heart of my faithful believer is where I reside.” Truly, Allah is closer than our jugular vein. (50:16)
                  • Take some slow-deep breaths. On the out-breath, silently recite “La illaha.” On the in-breath, silently recite “il Allah.” After a few minutes, notice the shift in your state. Notice the deep connection between ‘self’ and ‘breath’, not just experientially, but also etymologically. They both derive from the same Arabic root, transliterated nfs.   
                  • When you are centered, mentally review what you had been thinking about that gave rise to the difficult emotions.  Then do a ‘search and replace,’ deliberately and intentionally replacing your dark thoughts with the Light of The Qur’an or Hadith. Here is one example: Search: “I’ll never get through this.” Replace: “Allah never burdens a person with more than he is well able to bear.” (2:286)

                  As individuals, we each have our own particular dark thoughts. NOW is the BEST time to fix them. I lovingly encourage you to get a blank journal, so that each time you do The Centering Exercise, you can make note of what you observed, what you learned about yourself. Write down each dark thought and then write down each Rx of Light from The Qur’an or Sunnah. Having a personal journal gives you a concrete means of reinforcing your new thought patterns. 

                  We know from our neuroscience that the human brain possesses ‘neuroplasticity’, which is the capacity to be shaped, molded, changed. As such, the more often you do The Centering Exercise, the more your thinking patterns will change. This is how Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) created us, mash’Allah! It’s really quite amazing to realize that the Qur’an we’ve been given provides Light upon Light from The Lord of The Worlds. And the Sunnah is that Light fully actualized to perfection, mash’Allah. The fact is, no matter how dark a room may be, if we light just one candle, it illuminates the space. Mash’Allah!

                  Parents, once you get the hang of The Centering Exercise, please please teach it to your children! Insha’Allah, make it the new normal in your household, transforming discord and upset into harmony and peace.

                  Say “Ameen!”

                  Divine Reminders

                  Insofar as reframing COVID-19 in the broader sense, I offer you this lens, this Divine Reminder, with much love. May it shift your state from embittered to empowered. My beloved sisters and brothers, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is our Rabb, our Teacher, and COVID-19 is the Test we’ve all been given. Every single human being on the planet. We all woke up one day, walked into the classroom of Life, and got handed a pop quiz. The purpose of which is to show us the places where we weren’t prepared. This is great! Because the trumpet is absolutely going to sound, and we surely want to be ready. As long as we’re breathing, we have time to prepare. This is great!

                  Say “Ameen!” 

                  Beloved ones, we have the incredible privilege of being students of The One Who Knows Everything, including The Future and The Unseen.  It is very bad adab to question the teaching methods of our Teacher or to complain that we don’t like the Test.

                  This was the fatal mistake of Bani Israel that we are reminded 17x/day not to emulate. On the contrary, what we want to be asking ourselves is: “What must I do to pass this Test with flying colors, to ace this Exam?” Our beautiful Qur’an teaches us: “Not without purpose did We create heaven and earth and all between.” (38:27)  This pandemic is not some random event. It has a divine purpose. There is deep meaning in it. 

                  There is also enormous rahmah in it. Our beautiful Qur’an teaches us: “…My mercy embraces everything.” (7:156) The Divine Physician has dispensed this bitter medicine to heal us. To heal the whole world from its longstanding imbalances and injustices. Surely, it is no accident, the timing of COVID-19 vis-à-vis the murder of George Floyd and the global response it has galvanized.  Surely, every human being wants to and deserves to breathe.

                  COVID-19 is a wake-up call for the whole world. Ours to do as students is to be fully present in each moment, to practice mindfulness (muraqaba), so we can be deeply receptive to the Lessons we are meant to learn (muhasiba). Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (13:11) Beloved ones, NOW is the time for global tawbah (repentance). As the Ummah of Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), this is our Divine Assignment, individually, collectively, institutionally. 

                  My vision and personal commitment is that we wind up stronger and better-than-ever on the other side of this, insha’Allah. I can say this with great confidence because first and foremost, I know that COVID-19 or no COVID-19, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is not out of business! The presence of The Presence, the power of the Names & Attributes, are as robust as ever. 

                  We are being summoned to recognize our hubris and turn our hearts in humility toward The One Who Is In Charge, The One Who Calls The Shots, to The One Whose Decree we surrender. Humbly. Readily. Insha’Allah, NOW is the time to actualize the last part of Hadith Jibreel about qadr. The fact is, what’s happening around us is what’s happening, and this is always in the hands of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). HOW we respond to what’s happening is entirely up to us.

                  What I want for our community is the best possible response, the most skillful and beautiful response, the response that will be of maximum benefit here & hereafter, insha’Allah.

                  I can also say this with great confidence because time and again, working with Muslim refugees who have been through horrific trauma, I have seen with my own eyes how absolutely amazing human beings are. How resilient. How courageous. How creative. How capable of transforming sorrow into joy, lemons into lemonade, compost into roses. This is what I want for you, my beloved sisters and brothers.

                  No doubt, on any long and arduous journey, in addition to having the right equipment and supplies, having an experienced trail-guide makes all the difference. There is dangerous terrain you want to avoid, and beautiful vistas you don’t want to miss. In my experience over decades, I have observed that human beings thrive when we are given the right tools and the loving encouragement to master them.  So let me give you now some very practical guidelines to help you navigate skillfully, so you can extract from these precious days of your life what is meaningful & transformational. 

                  Practical Strategies

                  When it comes to protecting our physical health from the pandemic, there are certain steps we MUST take. Likewise with our mental health. As such, here are some practical strategies, culled from thousands of pages of research and decades of experience. My focus is on parents, whose job has never been more difficult. And with the new school year right around the corner, this guidance is extremely timely. 

                  Boundaries: Set clear boundaries regarding where and when devices can be used. This applies to everyone in the household, kids and parents alike. Parents, as your elder who loves you, I am reminding you that YOU are the CEO of your home. YOU are the policy maker. YOU are in charge. NOT your kids or their devices. So take charge!

                  • No devices for kids 0-3. These guidelines are from the American Pediatric Association. 
                  • No devices at the dinner table* or in the bedrooms.
                  • No devices until after Fajr. Better yet, after breakfast.
                  • All devices put away 1-2 hours before bedtime. Plugged in in the kitchen to recharge.
                  • Limit on-line entertainment and socializing to 1 hour/day MAX.
                  • Schedule tech fasts ½ day weekly, and 1-2 full days monthly, on a weekend.
                  • An occasional family-time movie is fine on the weekend. Choose something meaningful, uplifting, thought-provoking, heart-opening. Pop some popcorn. Make tea. Engage in a special time afterward to really talk together about your experience. *Getting in the habit of real-time-face-to-face conversations is crucial. If you start when your kids are young, it will lay a strong foundation for their teenage years, when they desperately need wise, trustworthy, caring adults who really know how to listen from the heart.

                  Nature: Spending time in nature is the very best thing you can do for yourself and with your family. There are reams of data about the stress-reducing effects of being outdoors, especially in the woods. There are also reams of data about the benefits of exercise, not only for physical health, but for mental health. Given all the extra sitting everyone is doing during COVID-19, regular exercise is not optional. 

                  Furthermore, if your kids are schooling from home and you are working from home, everyone will surely need some breathing room, some physical and emotional space from one another, some time every day in solitude, unplugged from their devices. Spending alone-time in nature is the perfect solution. 

                  For family-time activities, unplug from your devices and enjoy these delightful experiences. They will engender tremendous awe (khushu’) and deepen your heart-connection with your Rabb, The One Who Created you and all the beauty around you. Subhan’Allah.

                  • Take a 15-30 minute family-walk every night after dinner before homework.
                  • Go hiking, biking, rollerblading, kayaking, kite-flying, or camping on the weekend.   
                  • Set up bird feeders in your yard. Learn their names and identify their songs.
                  • Go out nightly to look at the stars. Learn the names of the constellations.
                  • Watch as many sunrises & sunsets, moonrises & moonsets as you can. 

                  As Muslims, our worship is guided by the natural cycles Allah put in place. The sun is our clock. It tells us when to pray. The moon is our calendar. It tells us when the new month begins. Sighting the moon is an act of worship, mash’Allah.

                  Divine Reminders

                  Our beautiful Qur’an teaches:“We will show them Our Signs (ayat) in the universe and in their own selves, until it becomes clear to them that this (the Qur’an) is the truth.” (Fussilat 41:53)

                  In this ayah, we are taught the two beautiful gateways into the sacred: the macrocosm of the universe, and the microcosm of the self. Both of these gateways open into the direct experience of Allah’s presence. 

                  As Muslims, we have been invited to spend time in this dunya in the company of The One Who is Love (al-Wadud). The One Who is Strength (al-Aziz). The One Who is Peace (as-Salaam). And on & on. What could be more beneficial during this time of crisis? Alas, calling upon our Rabb by His most Beautiful Names, with urgency & sincerity, is one of the Lessons we must learn from COVID-19.  My prayer for our community is that people do not squander the opportunity to connect in a deep, meaningful, intimate way heart-to-heart with Allah because they can’t put their phone down or turn their computer off. Insha’Allah, I will address the subject of digital addiction in the second article, as it plays a huge role when it comes to mental health issues.

                  Closing Du’a

                  Ya Habibi Ya Allah. Please grant us oceans of fortitude and mountains of strength Ya Sabur Ya Aziz. May we be dutiful beautiful students who strive with all our might in jihad al akbar to pass this test with flying colors, to ace this exam. May we, the Ummah of Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), love one another like he loves us, and strengthen one another every step of the way. May we wind up stronger and better-than-ever on the other side of COVID-19, reclaiming the standard of Insan Kamil as the Index by which we measure our lives. Ya Dhal Jalali wal Ikram.

                  Say “Ameen!” 

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                  The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

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