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Overcoming Anger Towards Allah

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By Aishah Mohd Nasarruddin

People respond differently to crisis. During troubled times, it is natural to be sad and exasperated be it the death of a loved one, being diagnosed with serious illness, trauma, natural disasters or any negative events. Some people become angry, and even turn that anger towards God. After blaming other people, themselves, and fate, they eventually blame Allāh.

“It just doesn’t make sense. Why is Allāh doing this to me? How can Allāh allow this to happen? Haven’t I done enough? I did everything because of Him but this is what I get. Do I deserve this?”

Yes, it is frustrating when you don’t have all the answers. When things are difficult and out of our control, it is easy to snap. You yearn for the situation in which everything is secure, safe, and predictable. The relationship with God that you used to cherish does not seem comforting anymore.  You feel betrayed, abandoned and mistreated. You stop going to the mosque. You feel like your belief has shattered. You resent religious advice. Whether you are praying to Allāh or not, it does not seem to have any difference. You feel like the world has conspired against you and hold Allāh responsible for that harm, temporarily blind to the reality that afflictions and calamities befall everybody, even the prophets and messengers.

The Prophet Muhammad (allallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was asked, “O Messenger of Allāh, which of the people are the most sorely tested?” He said: “The Prophets, then those similar, then those similar. A man will be tested in accordance with his level of faith. If his faith is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his faith is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his faith. Calamity will keep befalling a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him” (1).

If you are struggling with this anger, you are not alone.  Many people experience similar struggles. Rather than pulling away or trying to cover up the negative feelings, dealing with the issue in an open and honest way is more helpful in the long term. It may not be serious if you just have a flash of anger towards Allāh, and then the coping mechanisms kick in. However, if you have trouble minimizing the anger, you may need to seek help. Research has shown that anger towards God is associated with poor adjustment to bereavement, particularly when the anger remained unresolved over a 1-year period (2). In addition, all these may lead to depression, withdrawal, and a dangerous drop in religious faith.

Below is some advice that might be useful in dealing with this matter:

1. Be honest to yourself

The first part of healing is admitting that you have a problem. Admit that you are angry if even you feel ashamed and guilty by it. We can never fix the annoying aspects of our characteristics if we do not acknowledge the problem.

2. Crush the pride and be humble

Humility is not a weakness. Admit that you are powerless, not everything is manageable and there are times when you need to give up being in control. The trial that you are facing is not an indicator that Allāh’s plan is a mistake, but rather it is the greatest evidence that Allāh is the one at work, not you. Allāh emphasizes this in the quran:

53:24

53:25

“Or shall man have what he wishes?

But to Allāh belongs the last (Hereafter) and the first (the world).” (Sūrat’l-Najm: 24-25)

 3. Be vulnerable to Allāh and make du‘ā’

Al-Khaṭṭābi explains excellently the functions of du‘ā’: “The meaning of du‘ā’ is the servant’s asking his Lord for His help, and asking His continuous support. Its essence is that a person shows his reliance and need to Allāh, and frees himself from any power or ability to change (any matter by himself). This characteristic is the mark of servitude, and in it is the human submissiveness” (3).

With that being said, keep praying and maintaining a religious environment even when you do not feel like it. Do not be arrogant. Even when you are angry, force yourself to turn back to Allāh and complain your grievances to Him. The prophets have shown us perfect examples of how they turned to Allāh during severe circumstances and showed their need of His aid:

When Prophet Ayyūb’s (‘alayhi’l-salām) family and wealth was taken away from him on top of his suffering from an awful disease, he called to Allāh: 

21:83

“Verily, adversity has afflicted me, and You are the Most Merciful of all those who are merciful.” (Sūrat’l-Anbiyā’: 83)

 

After Prophet Mūsa (‘alayhi’l-salām) escaped from Egypt to avoid being killed, he arrived all alone in Madyan, he prayed to Allāh:

28:24

“O my Lord! Verily, I am needy to whatever good that you send down to me.” (Sūrat’l-Qaa: 24)

 

When Prophet Ya’qub was grieving over the fate of Yusuf and Benyamin, he cried:

12:86

“Verily, I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allāh!” (Sūrat’l-Yūsuf: 86)

 

Rather than being angry and cutting yourself off from Allāh, turning to Allāh actually relieves the distress. In fact, human beings are wired to be this way.

Neuropsychological research has found that greater religious conviction is associated with reduced activity in the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC), a part of the brain system that serves to regulate both cognitive and emotional processing. It suggests that religious conviction buffers against anxiety by successfully accommodating experience and focusing thought and perception away from anxiety-inducing events (4), meaning that people who pray during times of distress often cope better with affliction than those who don’t turn to God. Surveys also have found that prayer was the most highly endorsed strategy for managing conflicts with God (5).

Furthermore, besides serving as a coping mechanism and as a method to seek help from Allāh so that the current misfortune is lifted, du‘ā’ is the only act that can change Allāh’s decree. With Allāh’s will, du‘ā’ can repel a future affliction that might fall onto a person.

Rasūlullāh (allallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Caution will not be any benefit against predestination, but du‘ā’ benefits (matters) that have occurred and that are (yet) to occur. And indeed, du‘ā’ meets with a calamity, and fights it until the Day of Judgment” (6).

Abu Hurairah (rayAllāhu ‘anhu) also reported that Rasūlullāh (allallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to seek refuge from the evil of destiny, from falling into calamity, from the mockery of enemies and from the hardship of misery (7).

Hence, we should not underestimate the importance and necessity of making du‘ā’. Instead, we should always sincerely ask Him to lift and remove any afflictions that have befallen or might befall us.

4. Re-evaluate your purpose of worship

Keep in mind that we don’t become religious and righteous to be immune from calamities. Our obedience to Allāh is not a bribe for Him to give us something in return or spare us from trials. Allāh says in the quran:

22:11

There are among men some who serve Allāh, as it were, on the verge: if good befalls them, they are, therewith, well content; but if a trial comes to them, they turn on their faces: they lose both this world and the Hereafter. That is the evident loss. (Sūrat’l- ajj: 11)

 

The majority of the mufāsirūn said that عَلَى حَرْف (on the verge) means ‘in doubt’. As if a person who is standing on the edge of a mountain, a person who worships Allāh on the verge is unstable, flustered, weak and doubtful.  Some mufāsirūn said that it means ‘with condition’, i.e a person will continue worshipping Allāh if he acquires good, but he turns back to disbelief when he is afflicted with things he dislikes (8). Ibn Abbās explained this situation further in regard to people who came to Madinah to declare themselves as Muslims. He said:

“One of them would come to Madinah, which was a land that was infected with a contagious disease. If he remained healthy there, and his mare foaled and his wife gave birth to a boy, he would be content, and would say, `I have not experienced anything but good since I started to follow this religion.” But if a fitnah (affliction) strikes him (i.e. the disease of Madinah befalls him, and his wife gives birth to a baby girl and charity is delayed in coming to him), the Shayān comes to him and says: ‘By Allāh, since you started to follow this religion of yours, you have experienced nothing but bad things’, and this is the fitnah” (9).

5. Move on

Dealing with anger towards Allāh cannot erase the sorrow, but by coping with it appropriately, it can lead to growth in faith and a closer relationship with Allāh. Transforming the anger into compassion and contentment is an empowerment. Trials are meant to increase our resilience, and a strong believer is better and more beloved to Allāh than a weak believer, even though there is goodness in both (10).

Life is beyond the Law of Attraction. Allāh has already written our story and the plots in our lives. But that does not mean we will like it. That is why iman is extremely vital to hold on to. So what is iman? Jibril asked this question to Rasulullah (allallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam)  when he came in the form of a man to teach the companions about religion. And he said, “That you affirm Allāh, His angels, His books, His messengers, and the Last Day, and that you affirm the Decree, the good of it and the bad of it” (11).

 


 References
  1. Reported by Al-Tirmidhi
  2. Exline, J. J., Park, C. L., Smyth, J. M. & Carey, M. P. (2011). Anger toward God: Social-cognitive predictors, prevalence, and links with adjustment to bereavement and cancer. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(1), 129-148.
  3. Taken from Du‘ā’: The Weapon of the Believer by Abu Ammar Yasir Qadhi, p. 22
  4. Inzlicht, M., McGregor, I., Hirsh, J. B., & Nash, K. (2009). Neural markers of religious conviction. Psychological Science, 20, 385-392.
  5. Exline, J. J., Prince-Paul, M., Root, B. L. & Peereboom, K. S. (2013). The spiritual struggle of anger toward God: a study with family members of hospice patients. Journal of Palliative Medicine, 16(4), 369-375.
  6. Reported by Al-Hakim, graded hasan by al-Albani
  7. Ṣahīh Muslim
  8. Tafsīr  Fathul Qadir, Imam Asy-syaukani
  9. Tafsīr al- Qur’ān al-Adheem, Imam Ibn Kathīr
  10. Ṣahīh Muslim
  11. Ṣahīh Muslim

 

171 Comments

171 Comments

  1. Avatar

    s

    June 28, 2013 at 8:40 AM

    It is a good article Aishah, but relating your own personal struggles would have made it more powerful.

    • Avatar

      idesireranks

      June 30, 2013 at 3:48 PM

      Asalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
      As Muslims, we are supposed to conceal our sins, and opening up about any personal experience would probably mean opening up about a sin.

      So it’s definitely better that she did not do that.

      • Avatar

        Victoryoftheleaves

        July 27, 2016 at 3:54 AM

        It has nothing to do with mentioning sins. Its mentioning loss fitnah trials etc. I lost a child recently. Been really difficult. Only has him for three months as a baby infant alive in this world. Been going through some anger and blaming myself.

    • Avatar

      Mohsin

      March 10, 2014 at 12:43 PM

      this article helped me very much. i dont know what you are talking about s, why should she?

      its between her and Allah. not for you to know…

  2. Avatar

    Mohammad Yusha

    June 28, 2013 at 12:46 PM

    A man will be tested in accordance with his level of faith. If his faith is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his faith is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his faith.

    Problems are a result of wrong thinking and sins. Circumstances are often to change one’s thinking. There are many people whose hearts are filled with jealousy and pride, who miss their daily prayers, who don’t treat their spouse well, who practice black magic, etc, and when they end up with a problem, they tell themselves (and other people) that it is a test from Allah SWT!

    • Avatar

      struggling

      November 16, 2013 at 9:06 PM

      That might be true if the world were nothing but a fantasy. But our problems in this world are very real. Just ask the survivors of the typhoon in the Philippines. Or did they bring that upon themselves? Did someone do something that offended God so much that it was a punishment for them all? The most common victims in these disasters are children, especially infants. So, are you saying that it was the babies’ sins or lack of prayers that caused Allah to smite them down? You can (and probably will) curse me for saying it, but I don’t think so. I don’t know what to believe, but my humanity makes me struggle with these things, and I do feel anger when this kind of suffering is happening.

      • Avatar

        Ariya

        November 30, 2013 at 7:58 PM

        I agree. God is not into punishing infants and women, but might have something else planned for them in the future or after life. I guess we have to trust in God whatever test we get. This life is temp any way.

      • Avatar

        amethyst haley lawrence

        August 29, 2014 at 9:18 AM

        personally, i would curse you for saying it, and how weak your faith and trust is upon allah but. as humans these are questions that only Allah SWT have answers too. if accepting makes your struggles easier, perhaps you have to accept the outcome whether you like it or not, im struggling, like you to accept whatever allah has decreed for me but just like an exam, if you know the answers to the questions then alhamdulilah and if you didnt by wallahi, allah will take care of that and probably take care of the whole of your life if you let him. whats most important that has hit me, and probably to many others, is allah has already wrote your predestinations, and where you are today. with dua you can probably change that as it will fight for you until the day of judgement. i had many fitnah fall upon me, and i would talk to god, and think maybe allah has something better. and truth is he normally does. have faith my friend, i assure you are in pretty good hands, and all those whose passed on. lucky them, ALLAH LOVES THEM MORE THAN HE LOVES US.

        TO ALLAH WE BELONG TO ALLAH WE WILL RETURN, and when that day comes, whether you are a good person or a bad one, allah probably wrote it for you and sent an angel to blow your soul in your momma’s womb all the events that has happened and probably about to happen as well. god decides whats good for us we decides whats bad, instead.

      • Avatar

        Shama

        December 2, 2014 at 12:22 PM

        Do you remember when Khizar Alaihissalam killed a boy so Prophet Musa asked why did he kill a boy? He replied that when he will grow up he will be a troublemaker for his swalaiheen parents. So ALLAH will give these parents another boy who will be near to taqwa. He further said, I did not do any of the things on my own this is what Allah wants to do. So victims at the Typhoon happened in Philippine if most of them were infants and children, may be ALLAH wants them to go to Heaven straight without any sins or any hardship of lives, may be that was just their purpose of life, they were born to become a victim of Ajal this way. In the end we don’t know any thing ALLAH knows all and everything.
        I pray to ALLAH SUBHANA O TAALA that keep us in this world until it is good for us in HIS eyes; and take us back with Iman.

      • Avatar

        syed

        June 10, 2015 at 1:53 PM

        same feeling here, what sins the infants make, what kind of law is this why our religion is like scaring people, is it a business give and take, i personally followed stay on the right path shown full faith towards allah, but not even one dua accepted, if every one is away from sin then we will not be normal humans we must all be like a blazing sun with goodness, even after staying away from sins, even allah knows that if this thing happens to this person hwo hell will broke on him and his family still it will happen, how can i feel the mercy and how can feel that my beggings are been listened

    • Avatar

      Shama

      December 2, 2014 at 12:06 PM

      Problems are not only a result of wrong thinking and sins, but a test also. These tests elevate you in your Iman.

  3. Avatar

    Ali

    June 28, 2013 at 2:25 PM

    Jazakallah for this article. It is very well written and addresses a very important issue. I have a question: what do mean by transforming anger into compassion? Rgds

    • Avatar

      Aishah M Nasarruddin

      June 29, 2013 at 8:48 AM

      Compassion is the opposite of anger. It means we take full responsibility of our resentment, see things from other perspective and expect the best from Allah. By doing this not only we can defuse the anger but also develop a deeper connection with Allah.

      • Avatar

        Fritz

        June 30, 2013 at 12:29 PM

        “expect the best from Allah”
        but what does this mean?

        • Avatar

          wordsplayed

          July 5, 2013 at 3:08 AM

          If I may try Fritz, “expect the best from Allah” means whatever that you deal with in this life, good or bad, there’s always a blessing in disguise. For example, you missed a train and you are late for an important interview. The next thing you heard in the news, A Train Crash – the train that you are supposed to be in. Or the line was cut off while you’re talking to a man that promised you million dollar worth of business deal. You’re so angry you lost that opportunity but not knowing that man is a culprit and a big liar! All this we wouldn’t know, but Allah knows… Always be positive when being tested. Just sharing what I have been experiencing.. Wallahualam bissawab.

        • Avatar

          Aishah M Nasarruddin

          July 5, 2013 at 10:03 PM

          It means we expect good from Allah in times of ease and hardship, and believes that Allah wants good for us in whatever situations, that He will have mercy on us and and relieve us of the hardship.

  4. Avatar

    Yasmin

    June 28, 2013 at 5:15 PM

    Jazakallah khair for this very important post!

  5. Avatar

    amatullah

    June 28, 2013 at 8:10 PM

    Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

    JazakAllaahu Khair!

    Umm….I was wondering if you could change the title of your article though… i got a shiver when I read that!

    • Avatar

      broAhmed

      July 1, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      No, don’t change it. It got amatullah’s attention and mine as well, so it’s having the desired effect :)

  6. Avatar

    ADC

    July 1, 2013 at 7:17 AM

    i like the issue that you’re trying to put forward here, it is not uncommon for Muslims to feel that way in these modern days. in my humble point of view, with my experience dealing with people of this mentality, i think the explanations haven’t properly addressed the issue. i would love to read more if someone were to write on this topic. jazakillah khayr sister for the big effort!

    • Avatar

      broAhmed

      July 1, 2013 at 2:07 PM

      You might be able to help her by offering some suggestions. You never know, your suggestions might just make it into another article inshaAllah!

  7. Avatar

    sad

    July 2, 2013 at 6:43 PM

    i find myself being very depressed, sad and even angry at the choices i have made. i feel like i deserve to be angry at myself to the point where i feel bad making dua’a to Allah to forgive me and to help me. i don’t blame Allah for anything, the bad that happens to me is from my own hands. I did this to myself! i don’t know how to ask for forgiveness, i don’t know how to ask for help. perhaps i fear Allah will not help me. Only He knows why i feel this way. one day, i was having a conversation with some sisters, and they stated that we are not allowed to be depressed, or depression is a sin, i was on the notion that depression was an emotion, we cant control and emotion like that! that would be fake! please help me to understand depression, and asking forgiveness, i really need to know. before this depression eats me alive.

    • Avatar

      Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

      July 4, 2013 at 8:58 AM

      Dear Sad

      I recommend that you read articles by Haleh Banani http://muslimmatters.org/author/haleh/ on our site. They may be beneficial to you InshaaAllah.

      WasSalamuAlaikum
      -Aly

    • Avatar

      Aishah M Nasarruddin

      July 5, 2013 at 10:42 PM

      Dear sister, if you feel that you are very depressed and it significantly affects your normal function, I suggest that you seek professional help. Forgive yourself for the bad at the choices that you made, and do not hesitate to turn to Allah. Allah will surely listen to your prayers, assist you and forgive you if you sincerely ask for His forgiveness.

      Allah says in the quran “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Az-zumar:53].

      Do not despair of Allah’s mercy and do not live in the past. Start to rectify your situation from now on at your own pace and associate yourself with people who will support you without being judgmental or make you feel worse. It’s never too late to turn a new leaf.
      May Allah ease your affairs sister. Hope this helps.

      • Avatar

        Jade Leaf

        January 2, 2014 at 12:07 PM

        For the past two months I have been afflicted by one adversity after another. It’s like when it rains it pours. When the first adversity happened ( my house was burglarized ) I told myself I had to put to it behind me in order to stay sane.
        I know if I had allowed myself to wallop in self pity and despair I would soon be swallowed into a whirlpool of depression.
        Then I was hit by another adversity. This one even worst than the previous one. So again I consoled myself that I was lucky than my fellow victims of natural disaster.
        Property and household belonging were damaged then followed by the invasion of termites.
        The final straw that broke the camel’s back is my house was burglarized again and my collection of jeweleries was stolen.
        Upon the discovery I felt like a deflated dummy. I couldn’t even cry. As if the lifeblood was drained out of me.
        I asked myself, Is Allah testing me because I have been allowing my prayers to be distracted by thoughts of my losses? Because I’ve placed material things above him.
        Like a drowning person I’m struggling to hang onto something to keep me afloat. I have to cling to faith to keep me sane.
        Whenever I think of my biggest loss I’ll feel a squeeze on my heart.
        But I would never be angry with Allah. All this while I foolishly believed that disobedience has brought the human beings here so total obedience is our ticket to get back to the grace of Allah.
        It took a succession of adversities to make me realize that trials and tribulations are part and parcel of our fleeting lives here. Why me isn’t in the equationespecially if you are a believer.

        • Avatar

          Jade Leaf

          January 2, 2014 at 7:55 PM

          Edit: wallow. Sorry for the typo.

  8. Avatar

    shirin

    September 6, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    i’m upset and have been for a long time now. nothing seems to go the way i need it to go. i’m depressed and see no point of life or hope.

    i make dua but now my patients has had enough too, because i’ve been asking for years and there’s no answer. i can only see one way now and that’s to die but i feel scared of doing that too because death and its pangs are painful too.

    im sick of people saying ‘there’s probably something better for you ‘ you’l get it later just wait’ ‘it may not be good for you’ you’ll get it in the hear after’. i am absolutely sick of these ‘sayings’ . i want what i want with no compromise, substitute or delay (its late enough the amount of time i’ve been waiting). you said “du’ā’ is the only act that can change Allāh’s decree”. then if somethings not good for then allah should make it good for me and give it to me. if he can make the world in 6 days then this is just a small request, im sure its not difficult for him and in return i’ll be happy which means instead of moaning to him or being angry at him ill finally get the chance to sit down and thank him and praise him. but he just doesn’t understand. why make us if he isnt going to listen to us. most times his plans really hurt and thats not fair.

    dont know what to do. i wish allah had a line then atleast i could have rang and got some one-one response. i’d rather die than live this miserable life, where oppressors get the best of life and those who strive get nothing. hereafter is something to work for but you cant exactly live a life full of pain either. you need to be able to focus on your present to prepare for your future (hereafer).

    • Avatar

      blah blahh

      November 20, 2013 at 2:01 PM

      i can understand ur situation….. sometimes even years pass by and we think its the same, only bad is happening to us. everytime something unfortunate happens we think it wont happen again…. but please belive me u need to have unconditional tawwakul in Allah SWT….. no matter how many times u feel betrayed or hurt just lift urself up nd say Allah is there and it is just a test from him, or perhaps he has something better. we as human beings never learn anything the easy way, we always learn it the hard way and that is when it really works….. sometimes all the misfortunate eventss happen so that we learn something….. because what happend to me because of my own mistake made me learn soo much Alhamdulillah.. Allah SWT has guided me soooo much i cannot start to explain, i feel so blessed now, even though at that time when lot of unfortunate things used to happpend to me and i used to pray thinking my worries would go away…. but it did not go immmediately. because everythin is a plan from Allah SWT….just have trust in sh ALLAh u will feel the same way im feeling right now alhamdulillah. i pray for u in my dua dat H e forgives and guides you. ameen.

    • Avatar

      amber

      June 8, 2014 at 2:12 PM

      you may not see the bigger picture, but the Almighty does. you cant see beyond a mountain or whats on the other side if a rainbow, but the Almighty created it and has done so for the very best of reasons.

      Faith isn’t having it all faith is not having it and knowing that its because its for the better. May Allah swt grant us all that faith which we all lack at some point.

  9. Avatar

    N

    October 1, 2013 at 3:03 AM

    I came across this site in hopes of finding some help as I feel hopeless and very very hurt.
    At times my mind goes blank and I dnt know what to do. At times like this I wonder why Allah tests some ppl so much? I know that they say Allah tests those that he loves the most, but why? Sometimes we have some questions that cant be answered. I feel iike my life itself has been a struggle. I agree with Shirin above that its hard to hear those sayings from ppl, and to be patient. Well were all human beings and only have so much patience. Im a divorced grl in my late 20’s now, its becoming harder and harder to get married these days. Ppl label u, judge u, and the list goes on. I feel ike Ive given up on the marrying part or ever meeting someone decent, at times I dont even wanna hear that my time will come too. Its tough, I know this lifes a test and that Allah has put us here to see how well we will do in this world but dont sum ppl deserve sum happiness too? I have suffered from a bad marriage, divorce, depression, no job, I just feel like everything’s upside down. Sometimes I feel so down I dont even care abt living anymore and give up, Im sure a lot of ppl wud having gone thru with what I have. Suicide is haraam but Allah knows that ppl can only take so much, I dnt wanna end my life for being in this much pain. I wish there was an easier way for things to get better. I feel embarassed yet so eager to find answers that Im writing here but at this point in time I just dont know what to do. Ive had a lot of trouble finding a job recently which I thought wud keep me busy, and in that too I have no luck. Its like sumtimes I feel like Allah hates me? idk cuz how can everything go wrong. I wish Allah helps all those that are suffering, want answers, and are in need. Ameen

    • Hena Zuberi

      Hena Zuberi

      October 1, 2013 at 6:12 PM

      Dear sister,

      Hold on, hold on. May Allah ease your suffering and grant you sustenance, sakinah and closeness of Allah. Sometimes Allah delays our duas so He in His infinite wisdom can give you something better. Don’t give up. The people who judge you and label you weren’t worth your time. Allah saved you from them. And Allah loves you, He loves hearing your voice as you cry out to Him.

      Allah (swt) tells Jibreel to delay the response to the du`a’ of a servant because Allah (swt) loves hearing [her] voice [Tabarani]
      There are many sisters who are going through exactly what you are going through- read the article on Marriage Crisis.
      .
      Even though sometimes they are so strong, your feelings are feelings and they will pass. You’re not alone; many of us have had suicidal thoughts at some point in our lives. Feeling suicidal is not a character defect, and it doesn’t mean that you are crazy, or weak, or flawed. It only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. This pain seems overwhelming and permanent at the moment. But with time and support, you can overcome your problems and the pain and suicidal feelings will pass. If you can, please get some professional help. You may be suffering from depression.

      Read as much Quran and make dhikr as you can. Dhikr calms our fires. Go out in the sun, i know this sounds silly but being in nature helps.
      Set small goals and achieve them and celebrate your achievement. Even if it is one more resume sent, one more phone call made. You can control your happiness; write down what you are thinking to yourself and read it and then you will see how you may be self-talking yourself into negativity. Despite everything bad that may have happened to you, you have a beautifu, sacred soul that is from Allah.

      Talk to a counselor or a hotline. Ameen to all your duas.
      .

      • Avatar

        N

        October 2, 2013 at 11:49 PM

        Dear sister,
        salaam
        Thank you for ur reply its nice to read it.
        I appreciate ur kind words and surely this past summer has been somewhat of a test for me, but alhamdulillah I got a job yesterday and Allah listened to my prayers. Somedays are harder than others but the fact that Im holding on and still doing dua or asking Allah is what matters. My mom also tells me that there’s someone better out there. When its ur mother telling u, its the most comforting of all cuz she understands ur pain and others like u guys do too especially if ur a grl.

        I will surely read the articles on marriage and crisis. Im so glad that I came across this site, and others cuz they are bringing me closer to my deen and not leading me astray. Everything happens for a reason.

        Yes, depression is definitely a factor and I am seeking help. The best place where I find peace is to read articles in times like this cuz it gives me some hope. Counselors can only listen so much, and tell u to read this book. But reading namaaz or quran has its own effect. I have been going out for walks, and feel better wen I stay outta the house during the day its gud for sumone thats down or depressed so i heard. I do definitely like to write so I will take ur advice and start to write my goals, and maybe talking out loud can help correct the negativity and make me positive. I am blessed to have a loving mom and da who really have been supportive.

        Thank you again for ur encouraging words, may Allah bless u take care sister.

  10. Avatar

    sophia

    October 8, 2013 at 11:18 AM

    2nd time reading this. I really appreciate this. Still struggling with a lot of anger. It comes and goes and comes back again.

    • Avatar

      N

      October 8, 2013 at 11:45 PM

      Dear Sophia,

      Salaam

      I am going thru the same thing and honestly the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that Allah is always there. Yes, at times its hard but its a constant struggle. I was very angry too a couple months ago and found peace in turning to Allah. I still need to pray more often and read the Quran and finding peace of mind in sites like this. Another gud site is: Islamicanswers.com

      May Allah help u and alleviate all ur probelms and those afflicted with distress Ameen.

      tc,

      N

      • Avatar

        Muslim from Canada

        May 20, 2015 at 1:17 PM

        Sister I’m glad you found peace with Allah and that he answered your prayers even though he had his reasons to take his time in answering your duas.

    • Avatar

      Siti

      December 27, 2013 at 3:33 AM

      Salam Sophia,

      I can relate to what u going through now as I too struggling with a lot of anger and question on my mind with the “why” question and feeling of unfairness. Like u say too, it comes and goes and come back again and the more I try to forget the situation the more it come back. Sometimes, I really feel hopeless and just want to give up and what I do hate the most is when my faith in Allah is losing out. Sometimes I just couldn’t help it and wanted to scold Allah though I know I can’t do that but the feeling sometimes can be so overwhelming that only tears could ease myself. No one exactly know what happening to me not even my family as I know they will definitely going to judge & label me except for one of my friend which come from different faith but that doesn’t help it either and I really weary out. Is been 1 1/2 years and nothing seem to be changing except that the hurt is not as painful as the beginning which I’m thankful to Allah for it, Alhamdullilah but still I’m be longing for peaceful and happiness so why is it so hard for Allah to grant it to me while the person who start all the nonsense & make me fall can have everything and his happiness back. I feel life is so unfair, really unfair and I really don’t know what should I do now. I hope pls is there any kind soul out there to motivate and make my faith grow stronger coz I really don’t want to be angry at Allah when I know im juz slave only..

      • Avatar

        Jade Leaf

        January 2, 2014 at 11:21 PM

        Salam Siti,

        Sorry for being blunt because sugar-coated words won’t help.
        I think you are behaving like a martyr but for the wrong cause which traps you in a your own world of misery.
        The only thing that can set you free is to put your unhappy past behind. Move on and don’t stay bitter because the personwho

        • Avatar

          Jade Leaf

          January 3, 2014 at 12:43 AM

          Sorry there’s a glitch…
          the person who’s responsible for your unhappiness is blissfully happy, so undeservedly unfair. But whoever says life is fair is living in ignorance.
          Do you think he cares that you are suffering? Does he look like he’s suffering from guilt. So what’s your purpose of wasting your self-inflicted unhappiness when the person who caused it has moved on?
          When in pain read Quran, when in confusion read your Quran… Trust me you’ll find peace if not fleeting happiness in this world. If long term perfect world you want you’ll find it in the Garden of Bliss.

          • Avatar

            siti

            June 9, 2014 at 12:30 AM

            Salam Jade Leaf,

            Thank you for your reply is only now then I saw it. Yes you right, is undeservedly unfair for me that I still have to suffer all this unhappiness losing my dignity and my career coz of him yet he still get everything he want and find his happiness back after done using me and playing with my feeling. Fyi, I do try to move on but sometime its not easy to be done, one day it can be better then the next day it come back again and like I say the only thing that enable me to feel better is to cry.

            What make me feel so hurt and resentful is that sometime I do think is there really fairness? Didn’t one of Allah attribute name is Al-adl therefore why the situation seem to be unfair to me while in favour with the person who hurt me so much and caused me unhappiness? Is there any justice at all? Now praying and istifghar is the only way to calm myself down everytime the hurtful & resentful bad come back to me.

  11. Avatar

    sorry muslima

    November 9, 2013 at 10:06 AM

    salam
    i completely recognise myself in shirin’s comment. i got divorced in 2005. i’ve turned 41 last tuesday and i’m still alone. i’ve been struggling all my life, for everything, to overcome sexual abuse for a family member, to make ends meet, to go to college, to find a husband, and you can add health issue on top of that. it’s endless. and i have no support from the community judging divorced women as you know. no support from my family. no support from my non muslim friend who don’t understand why i just don’t date anyone without bothering myself with religion or marriage.
    i don’t know what to do anymore. i’ve wanted to get married for 21 years since i converted to islam. i need love and i need companionship. i want to have a fmily of my own. the only thing that keeps me from committing suicide is the fear of hell. and i definitely i don’t want shaytan to win.

    and yes i’m depressed and angry and feel entitled to it. i’ve tried my best and this is where i’m standing now. after all these years trying to play by the rules, avoiding haram and searching for hallal, i’m alone, i might never have children and i might die as i’ve lived, lonely as a cursed dog.

    if you have any tip to stay grateful and obedient in my situation, please let me know.

    salam

    • Avatar

      N

      November 19, 2013 at 10:33 PM

      Salaam sister,

      After reading ur post it made me think how I too can definitely relate to you and understand what you are going thru. I understand how hard it is to be patient and still think that things will work out.
      Have u tried your local mosque? Any of the single muslim sites? Some are legit and may work for you as they have for others. Maybe you should get in touch with a matrimonial service that can help you along that way. I know theres one that actually assist u throughout the process. I cant think of the name but google, or even on facebook if you put in “Singles Perfect Match, and related search terms youll come up with some things.

      Have u tried to join a group? Those can be beneficial for ppl suffering from depression, or seeking counseling in this time as well? I would suggest plz try to keep ur self as busy as possible and Allah’s reward will definitely be worth it.

      I hope this helps.

    • Avatar

      Abu Yusuf

      December 21, 2013 at 9:51 PM

      Salaam Alaykum sister,
      It sounds like you are in a painful, dark, place that you cannot seem to pull yourself out of. I know and understand exactly how you are feeling. But, I write to tell you not to give up hope just yet. A few thoughts.

      First, you may likely be suffering from depression. Have you ever tried to get a clinical diagnosis? If not, I would recommend it. Depression will compound your problems (e.g. by impairing your normal thought process, causing you to have very low energy, poor mood, etc.). So, if you do have that, it’s better to know that up front and try to deal with it head on, before tackling more serious issues.

      Whether or not you do have depression, there are some other basic things you can do. I really recommend this book called “Self Esteem,” the Third Edition. It’s by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning. It goes through some basic exercises that you can do to help SEE things in a more positive light. Often, when things are not going right, suddenly people start seeing EVERYTHING with a negative lens and questioning/doubting everything about themselves. I truly believe this is Shaytaan at work, and the book gives some really nice techniques, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, that can help start building ourselves back up.

      Once you are mentally in a good place again, insha’ALlah you can focus on your other issues. For example, you mention you are lonely and want to be married. Well sister, 41 years of age is older, but it’s not past marriage age! Trust me, there ARE Muslim men out there who would consider marrying a sister of your age if the other criteria (taqwa, etc.) were there. So you just have to keep pushing yourself to look, little by little.

      Also, have you considered polygamy? I know, I know. It may not be ideal, or what you thought of your ideal life. But you need to ask yourself this: if you had the chance to be married to a practicing, loving Muslim man, who made you feel fulfilled and good about yourself and helped take care of you, would you still say no and continue being lonely? All because you would be a second wife?

      Anyway, just some humble thoughts I think you can consider. I truly wish the best for you, and I will be praying for you.

      Abu Yusuf

    • Avatar

      Shama

      December 2, 2014 at 12:37 PM

      Sister, ask yourself why you want to marry? Make a list. You might think what an absurd advise, but I am asking you to do that so that you can set your priorities. Some times people just looking for a companion. Sometimes people just looking for children. Sometimes people just looking for a scheduled life. Sometimes people wants to have a goal in their life and so on…
      May be you can marry someone who is also divorced and have his own children or child. May be you can marry someone who is very pious, religious, tahajjudguzar so that you can learn from him too. My understanding is if someone has a pious companion and company then you automatically fall towards religion. I hope it helps.

  12. Avatar

    Anis

    November 9, 2013 at 9:08 PM

    Allah Abandoned Me.
    I prayed for 10 years to find a good faithful Muslim wife. Never dated, never had a girlfriend, never did anything bad on those fronts. Then finally I was granted a wife who prayed, was humble, wanted to marry me without issues. I did istakharah and we got our nikkah. Turns out she doesnt pray, gets angry when I pray, broke off relationships with much of my family through screaming matches and threats to even kill. Thanks a lot Allah, that is just what I needed.
    I have stopped praying and my will to live is very low.

    I had women at work who were very interested in me, but I never gave credence since they were not Muslim. Now I wish I had married them. A muslim wife was not worth the sadness and pain.

    • Avatar

      struggling

      November 16, 2013 at 8:51 PM

      I am struggling with my anger. Two and a half ago back, I buried my wife following a very sudden and tragic death. My children and I continue to struggle with the aftermath of her absence in our lives every day. At first, I really struggled with the anger I felt over this, but life moves on. I had to help pick them back up and try to put our lives back together again. But I can’t shake the sense that my children have never done anything but be good their whole lives, and they are innocent victims. I kept asking myself if this really was what Allah’s Will is for them? A life tinged with the sadness of a Mother lost in childhood?! They played by the rules, and showed humility, honor and respect to Allah, and got this? I don’t believe they deserved this, and I don’t feel that her being taken from them exemplifies any sign of Divine mercy or goodness. Instead, they live with the sadness of a void left in their young lives.

      Recently, I’ve been reading about the typhoon in the Philippines. Natural disasters, large and small, kill innocent men, women, and children by the thousands. Sometimes it’s swift (and we call that a mercy), but often times, it’s not. An injury festers, or a disease is caught due to dirty water, and the weakening results in a slow death. Hunger due to environmental conditions beyond the control of humanity results in the slow, terrible death, as it does for hundreds of our brothers and sisters almost every day. Or a new, aggressive virus infects people simply going about their business in life, and more innocent lives are snuffed out. This is not the action of God against evil people. This world is FULL of evil people, and they seem to be doing quite well for themselves, really. Instead, this business of death goes on and on with no stop, and has been going on for millennia. This seems to be part of Allah’s plan for humanity. When I think that creation is such that suffering and death is the purposeful end of the path of life for every one of us, then it causes me to wonder what this tells me about the nature of Allah?! This greatly pains me because I want to believe in a Good God, but my eyes are open to the suffering in the world around me. How do I rectify this?!

      When I feel especially angry like this, I undertake a 24 hour total fast. It’s really a kind of hunger strike to God over what I see as injustices being perpetrated against us, and in every direction you can look. And sometimes, like right now, I find that I simply can not bring myself to pray even while I am fasting. Is it unreasonable to find ourselves unable to focus the necessary motivation to humble ourselves before Allah and prostrate when Allah seemingly cares so little for human life and dignity and chooses not to act when we need action? And I’m not talking about having an angel descend to give me an Xbox. I’m talking about saving humanity from this endless, constant suffering. If we as Muslims are constantly engaged with all of our sisters and brothers in unceasing worship of Allah, constant human suffering seems to my eyes to be the only answer that I can discern that we are getting back from God. How am I to digest that?! I’m pretty sure that if either you or I had the capacity to save a human life but deliberately chose not to, that would be considered an act of supreme evil. But if God chooses not to save someone, even someone calling out desperately for aid, that’s considered part of the Divine Plan? How should we look at the reality of suffering and death all around us and not have questions?

      • Avatar

        N

        November 19, 2013 at 11:00 PM

        @Struggling:

        Salaam brother,

        I really wanted to comment on your post earlier as it shook me up a bit thinking why someone would write this. Im sorry for your loss. I know how hard and painful it can be and truly Allah does test those that he loves the most. Yes, it is very hard to comprehend that wen one is going thru a situation like yours but wen you ask yourself is this life temporary or permanent things start to make more sense. This life is a test brother. Often times we are so consumed in this life we forget that wut our actual purpose is here. Sure it is hurtful and painful to go thru such trials and tribulations but plz do know that this isnt eternal life.

        We cant think Allah (SWT) is the one that is bad nauzubillah. He would never want bad for us, He is most merciful. Personally, I have experienced a lot since a young age I got married at 17, was in an abusive marriage, had hardships continuously in making ends meet, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in my twenties. Alhamdulillah I can say that through all of this Allah is the only one that can pull u out of it, help u, and get u bak on track. Even wen I knew I had such a serious illness alhamdulillah it was a miracle but I got better. Where was I at fault? I was so young, hardly even lived life but tested young too.

        Allah has a plan for all of us, we just have to have ultimate faith in Him. Read the Quran in translation it will give your heart peace and you peace of mind. Try to pray as much as you can. ITs hard wen your depressed but the biggest test is making an effort and letting Shaitaan win over you. Counseling, groups will help u as well. Im sure there is someone there for u as well and who will care for ur children inshAllah. Plz dnt be disheartened, Allah is always there for u.

        May Allah make ur problems better and you see happiness again Ameen.
        take care

    • Avatar

      N

      November 19, 2013 at 10:46 PM

      Salam brother,

      Plz dnt think Allah has abandoned you. Allah never abandones his servants. Its us that create complications, if ppl are bad thats not His fault rite?

      I too was married like u and was in a bad marriage and wonder y I had to go thru that with a abusive, hurful husband. And now I have been single and havent met the right guy for 10 years.

      Allah tests those that He loves a lot. The reward is much greater inshallah, I know how hard it is to digest that info at times but you have to keep your head up dont let shaitaan take over you.

      Allah has already made pairs for everyone and its in the Quran too, have faith brother. May Allah make things easy for you Ameen

    • Avatar

      en

      May 11, 2016 at 3:39 AM

      Please don’t feel that way. This life is not the end, just be patient. Don’t lose the person you are. May Allah bless you.

    • Avatar

      amatullah

      June 27, 2016 at 7:45 AM

      Dear Brother,
      I hope you have sought forgiveness and realised that faith and submission to Allah is really the only way you are going to find peace..with or without a wife..
      I really do commend you mashaAllah for not falling into such sins before marriage. May Allah guide you and us all to the right path .. dont give up on Allah so so quickly .. :(

  13. Avatar

    sad muslima

    November 9, 2013 at 9:44 PM

    salam
    this is also one of the many things that pisses me off about my situation, i’m attractive and get unwanted attention from non muslim guys everywhere i go, or muslims that don’t match my needs (not pious enough, already married, too young, too old, etc…).
    i feel weak and i feel as tempted as the jews tested in the quran who could get plenty of fishes in the sea only on the day of shabbat when it was haram !
    to my eyes it is already a trial to keep yourself on the right tracks and this is unfair to have double trouble while all you ask for is a spouse.

    anis, i can only tell you to keep praying because even if you feel like you’ve been fooled Allah is still in charge of your life and you can’t turn your back on Him without consequences.

    as long as she is a believer you can marry a non muslim woman, help yourself ! i’ do the same if i could.

    hold on at a minimum level of practice no matter what because it will protect you and help you even if you don’t feel the effects now.after the crisis has passed you’ll be proud of yourself and happy inchallah.

    salam

  14. Avatar

    Aishah MN

    November 13, 2013 at 9:40 AM

    Salam dear brothers and sisters, I understand your pain and frustrations but please do not stop making dua to Allah. Detach from your past because that is the source of your pain and concentrate on your present. If Allah tests you with difficulties in finding a good spouse then in the meantime, fill the void with something else. Find commitment that can give you alternative purpose and connect to people through other means, i.e voluntary work, adopt a child, social service, inshaallah you can reduce the pain and loneliness by keeping yourself busy.

    I know this is easier said than done but never lose faith that Allah indeed listens to your every prayer and He has the best plan for you:

    The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘There is no man who prays to Allah and makes dua’ to Him, and does not receive a response. Either it will be hastened for him in this world, or it will be stored up for him in the Hereafter, so long as he does not pray for something sinful, or to cut the ties of kinship, or seek a speedy response.’ They said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what does seeking a speedy response mean?’ He said, ‘Saying, “I prayed to my Lord and He did not answer me.”’” (Al-Tirmidhi, 3859; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 852).

    May Allah ease your hardship and replace your pain with sweetness of iman.

  15. Avatar

    lii

    November 20, 2013 at 3:50 AM

    The second last heading, hmm…
    So what is the purpose to our worship? (I know of
    course, I’d just like to hear it in words I can repeat
    To myself as affirmations)

    JAK

  16. Avatar

    blah blahh

    November 20, 2013 at 2:12 PM

    alhamdulillah…. I HAVE GONE THROUGH a lot but i feel so blessed to be guided by Allah SWT…… my Allah guide all of us and forgive us and give us jannah when we go in the life hereafter in sh Allah. ameen

  17. Avatar

    Muhannad

    November 24, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    I just tried to look on the website for issues like this and I knew for sure that there are people in the world who share their problems and look for solutions in this case.

    Reading all the comments and hearing grievances of brothers and sisters, I feel my problems are undoubtedly very little. I m completely frustrated over not finding a Job for over a year from now, aged parents, my brother is jobless, increasing debts due to joblessness, wandering from place to place trying to find a job. Adding to this , My marriage proposal was terminated six months ago for this reason and many others. Now when there is another proposal at hand, I am still jobless… This is the last try and I wouldn’t marry again if this proposal is broken too.

    I used to constantly make dua, seek istighfar, giving charity,voluntary fasts, fore front to help Muslims in my neighborhood, helping the revert Muslims and so. this is not bragging about my selfand I know that I’ve sinned a lot too. I continued too seek Allah’s help and do istighfar , trusting that he would help me out.
    But as days continued, I started to become weak, thinking whats the use of all things i’ve been doing for the sake of Islam and its people with good intention..? Why is this happening to me despite months of seeking Allah’s help, No help comes…? So many people advise and console me saying don’t worry everything will be alright. Everybody makes dua for me , My family ,my relatives, my friends and others, yet none of their prayers are answered? I have no where to go, None to ask except Allah and only He will answer, but what do I do if Allah Himself does not respond?
    I’ve tried all the advises listed in this article and also others not mentioned here. I just didnt simply sit home, Trusting in Allah and wait for an opportunity to come to me. Rather, I put my efforts as human. I tried hard, very hard, used all kinds of strategies, contacted all people I know. Yet No results.

    Now the situation is such that last 3 months I m very irregular at prayers and find no difference whether i pray or I don’t pray. Life is just the same as it continues to be. Since I started to feel that it makes no sense , I do alll good deeds and my life and career continues this way.

    Yet, I still have fear of Allah and Him Alone.! So i try to push myself to at least perform Salah, sometimes with a hope or some times without any hope for getting my problems solved.

    All those grievances of people I’ve read, its indeed very uncomfortable to imagine. People in my town say, If a person has a Migraine headache, only he will know the PAIN of it..!

    I m getting ideas in my mind on what next if things don’t go well in next few days. I really don’t like those ideas on how to lead my life . But I find no choice.

    Wa salam

  18. Avatar

    Ahmed

    November 26, 2013 at 9:17 AM

    Sallam to all

    I am very desperate and in sever calamity that is destroying me daily, I am constantly calling for Allah’s help and guidance, my repeated duas and calls hasn’t been answered and it has been a long time seeking a relief through sallat and duas. I am at a stage in life having truly lost hope; wishing I was not alive every morning I wake up. My faith is diminishing and I am in despair, O’Allah I am asking by your power strength and mercy to relive me of my calamity I beg you at this moment, I fear dying as a non believer…brothers and sister I beg you to make dua for me.

    • Avatar

      N

      November 28, 2013 at 10:38 PM

      Asak brother,

      I haven’t been on this site for some time but as soon as I saw ur comment I felt very sad and concerned. What is it that’s bothering u? IF u feel comfortable sharing. I understand it’s tough being tested, but there will be ease after this Dnt wrry. I know it’s rough being patient but ur reward will be much greater. Just recently, I was having trouble at my previous job that I had to leave. I was so worried and didn’t know how id really get another job, especially due to financial difficulties but alhamdulillah unexpectedly Allah helped me. I will pray for u too. May Allah ease ur hardships and grant u ease. Ameen summa ameen.

      Plz tc of urself and Dnt loose hope :)

      • Avatar

        N

        November 28, 2013 at 10:42 PM

        Also, plz read Surah muzammil in times of difficulty. My moms told me this is very helpful.

        • Avatar

          Muhannad

          December 4, 2013 at 7:18 AM

          Tried it all.. Nothing will change..!! Had enough of all this.Life is still d same and makes no difference to me whether I pray or I don’t. My condition now is No money, No Food, Jobless, and over burdened with debts! I hate this!

          • Avatar

            N

            December 17, 2013 at 4:46 PM

            @Brother Muhammad:
            I dont know what ur situation is but it sounds like ur going thru a lot.
            Plz dnt give up, if ur in a situation of financial difficulty try reaching out to ur local masjid. I dont know where u are or else I would try to refer u to some places. Life is a test for us all, yes its hard but this time will pass too and I hope things get easy for u too inshAllah. tc

  19. Avatar

    Nasser

    December 5, 2013 at 1:47 AM

    Bismillah hir Rahman Nir Raheem In the name of Allah The most Compassionate The most Merciful I’m writing this in hope that insha’Allah it helps someone. We are human beings we will make mistakes ie sin major or minor and these will lead to depression anxiety or other illenesses. we have to make sincere repentance for Allah SWT to forgive us. Yes u are crying because now u have become a victim of satan u fell into temptation because u didn’t realise or u didn’t have knowledge either way ur a victim don’t let the whispers tell u otherwise u aren’t to blame for the sin u just fell into temptation to better understand what I mean read the story of prophet Adam PBUH. So now we are suffering because of our weaknesses faults etc but who is in control? Allah SWT who will help us turn it around? Allah SWT. Our lord is Allah SWT creator of all that exists we have a book like the Qur’an we have ahadith sayings Of rasool Allah salAllahu alayhi wa salum so how are we lost? The problem is in us we can’t blame Allah we can’t blame the deen it’s us it’s us it’s us we are lazy we read 5 salaahs a day and think we have done enough No we have to do more the prophet Muhammad saw use to say istighfar 70 plus times a day he would stand in prayer till his feet became swollen he was a nabi a rasool I agree but Allah SWT has said he is the best example for us so why don’t we follow this example that Allah SWT has blessed us with? Because we aren’t sincere we just think we are satan is deceiving us we can and have to do so much more if we are getting a little ill health our sins are falling away I am happy with Allah SWT as my Lord and Muhammad SAW as my messenger and Islam as my religion. Yes depression/ anxiety are such that u feel weak but what about when Allah bestows strength upon u a little respite if u will what do u do with that time? See and this is why life is a test every last second is a test. Knowledge is power insha’Allah I will make dua to Allah SWT to grant us strength in these difficult times I have been lazy, took my deen for granted when I had good health, appreciation has come through ill health Allah SWT is The Greatest shame we don’t realise it. May Allah SWT bless u guys with the best of this world and the best of the hereafter and protect u from the punishments of the graves and hell Ameen please make dua for me to brothers and sisters I need knowledge I’m weak against satan without it :( sorry if I’ve confused u that wasn’t my intention jazakallah khair for ur time May Allah bless u and ur family asalaamu alaikum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol ps I know I’m dumb lol don’t hold that against me thank u :)

    • Avatar

      N

      December 17, 2013 at 4:52 PM

      @Nasser:

      Assalamualeikum,

      Thank you for posting. You have really put some time and emphasis in this which is helpful to many of those that may turn to this article/blog for support. Its a great reminder of all the blessings we have. May Allah reward you for sharing this with those that are in difficulty, may Allah make ease for those that are experiencing hardship and difficulty, sorrow, and are in pain. Ameen.

      No u are not dumb at all, thanks for sharing such valuable information and may Allah give us hidayat to do this as well.

      tc

  20. Avatar

    Ritwaa

    December 22, 2013 at 3:54 PM

    Jazakallahu khair for this amazing post.

  21. Avatar

    Siti

    December 22, 2013 at 11:41 PM

    Assalamualaikum,

    Like some here, I do feel an anger toward Allah when something I do not wish to happen it happened. I don’t know how to explain here coz what I have been going through is alittle bit different from some of the situation here and in fact I have never felt such a great test like this before. Is been 1 1/2 yrs and I still feel this resentment and unjust. I’m so angry that the person who lie to me & causes me pain can get all the happiness while here I’m lose everything and feel lost still searching for my direction. Though asking for help & support from my friend who have go through the same situation as me does help a little bit but still it doesn’t bring me closer to Allah Swt as she come from different religious & faith. Cause of this hurt, resentment & the question which I keep asking in my mind “why does God have to allow it to happen when I myself trying hard not to allow it to happen to me” have made barrier between me and Allah & I hate it coz I don’t want to lose my faith in him. I try asking for help to someone who religious and muslim friend to guide me to Allah, however instead of helping me he thought I have ulterior motive and tell me is wrong to use God as a reason to ask him for help. I feel even more devastated and sad even more, its been 1 1/2 years I been crying and I’m tired of it and I wanna get out of this situation and forget everything and move on cause is so painful & at the same time I don’t want to lose my faith..

  22. Avatar

    Nasser

    December 25, 2013 at 1:20 AM

    Here’s a video for anybody who is going through anxiety depression or any kind of sadness even, hope it helps u as it helped me inshaAllah http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J1oK-MBVstg

  23. Avatar

    Ovadac

    January 12, 2014 at 1:08 PM

    Asalamoalikumwrwb,

    I will share my own experience. Somebody asked what is the purpose of ibadah, submissiveness if not to avoid getting in trials as per second last point. The point is that , our worries ,stress, anger and resentment is born out of out thoughts and perceptions far more than the situations of our lives. Once upon a time, i was going through a very rough time in my life, no home, no money,4 kids and nearest and dearests that seemed to hurt me at every opportunity they got. I felt frustrated with life. I felt ungrateful to the point that i was angry with Allah Tallah. And lets face it that, is what being angry with Allah Tallah is. When we are angry at this this and this in our lives we are forgetting all of that is going our way. We forget to see that Allah Tallah isnt behind our loses, He is also behind our gains. I always blamed Allah Tallah for my situation, i never thanked Him for things that i had. We all have things that we would be completely miserable without. To people who lost wives, i would say you have kids. To people in disasters, they still have lives. As long as you are alive things can happen, change can take place. Knowledge is power and keeping good company is even better. Find scholars who practise what they preach, respect them and donot let they thoughts of anger over whelm you. People have gone through worse and the strong person is he who picks up himself. Allah Tallah is a trasure trove of help. If we go to him kicking and screaming we just miss the hand he is holding out to us for help.

    Ya ayyu hal insan ma gharaqa bi rabbi kal kareem.
    Oh human, what deluded you regarding your Rabb, the kareem.

    Quran is the book that can set us free, that can ease of our loads, only if if we learn it from the true follower of its First teachers. Think about is ,this is why the prophets came. The whole struggle of Rasool Allah sallalahu alaihi wasalm was to teach, preach and implement Quran. And who much we neglect it today. Subhan Allah may Allah Tallah give us the good sense and sincerity to soak up the wonders of His message. Think of it as an armour that saves you from all hurt and misery.

  24. Avatar

    John Smith

    January 23, 2014 at 1:00 AM

    Excellent work by Aishah Mohd Nasarruddin. Advices given by him are really very soothing. I like his points. Life is beyond the Law of Attraction. Allāh has already written our story and the plots in our lives. It is really very true.

  25. Avatar

    Bassem Wahba

    January 23, 2014 at 1:07 AM

    I agree with Aishah Mohd Nasarruddin thoughts. Keep in mind that we don’t become religious and righteous to be immune from calamities. Our obedience to Allāh is not a bribe for Him to give us something in return or spare us from trials.

  26. Pingback: L.I.F.E. | the.Light of my Eye

  27. Avatar

    Sylvia Lewis

    February 7, 2014 at 8:42 AM

    You may find it strange that a Christian is reading your site. I can assure you that I mean no offense. We worship the same God and there are many who do not understand this simple truth. I do not find comfort in the realization that so many of your faith suffer from the same affliction as I.The knowledge does; however reinforce my belief that we are more alike than different and that in our flesh we grasp at the things that give us comfort.

    I don’t always find peace in prayer, some times I feel worse after prayer than I did before I poured out my heart. There are periods of time that I find it very hard to pray and today is one of those days. Even when I remind myself that the greatest power in the Universe is in control of all things, it doesn’t help. I know that I am still angry about my sons death, the suffering of those in this life, how little control we have over the things of this life, and many other things.

    I see others of your faith and mine who have survived great sorrow and come out of a situation with such grace and peace and I don’t how they were able to get past the anger. I pray for that kind of love, devotion, understanding and acceptance of the fact that everything of this world is only temporary, that it is not where we truly belong, and that what awaits those who know God is a place that will make the days we spend here but a second in time.

    Thanks you for your article. It is an encouragement to me.

    • Avatar

      Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

      February 8, 2014 at 2:15 AM

      I am of the belief that the struggle to submit is rewarded in and of itself. It is only by going through that struggle that hyou strengthen yourself enough to reach a stage where submission to events is easy.

      *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*

    • Avatar

      Aishah MN

      February 8, 2014 at 3:13 AM

      Thank you for being here Sylvia. I understand how you feel as we are all human beings and definitely share universal human values. Afflictions do not discriminate, befall everybody, and we struggle with many similar issues.

      Don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself time and more chance to overcome that anger. When it comes to emotional and spiritual struggles it takes consistent reinforcement to finally accept the bitter reality and be at peace with it.

  28. Avatar

    t

    February 10, 2014 at 1:50 PM

    ALLAH SWT tests those who he loves. if you lost ur wife etc, just remember , ALLAH LOVES YOU, so isn’t that enough to get through anything?
    ALLAH gives us so much, yet when one bad thing happens, people turn their backs, how foolish does this look to ALLAH SWT? he still gives you a bed to sleep in at night with warmth yet some people sleep in the cold in Syria.
    I hope this helps.i hope ALLAH SWT helps us all. AMEEN

    • Avatar

      N

      February 27, 2014 at 7:23 AM

      I’m so sorry to say this but how many tests can one person endure? Is there ever an end to this. :(

      • Avatar

        Aly Balagamwala | DiscoMaulvi

        February 27, 2014 at 11:35 PM

        “The world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever” – Hadith of Prophet (SAW)

        It is a coincidence I was listening to something this morning and Shaykh AbuAbdissalam (h) was saying that this entire life is a test. For some it is a test of poverty, for some it is a test of riches. In another khutbah I was listenig to by Brother Ghulam Kehar, he touched this topic – everyone is tested, everyone’s test is different. In fact I had uploaded it and you can listen to it here https://soundcloud.com/aly-balagamwala/khutbah-patience-tests-ghulam-kehar. I think you will find it beneficial in sha Allah.

        Best Regards
        Aly

        *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*

        • Avatar

          Noor

          March 2, 2014 at 11:45 PM

          I understand what ur trying to say…
          I just wish that if it were more of a test for some ppl (like myself and others) then y is it easier for some other Muslims? I know there are some questions I probably will nvr get answers too but I just wonder.
          The ppl that endure tests have hearts, feelings, emotions, they arent senseless, I wish we cud be cold -hearted but it isnt that easy :(
          I just hope and pray that Allah makes it easy for everyone including myself that is being tested. Ameen

          • Avatar

            Aly Balagamwala

            March 3, 2014 at 1:56 AM

            Sometimes Allah wishes to try His slave in order to bring them back to Him, sometimes He does it to cleanse them of their sins. And sometimes what we think is a test is actually preparing us for something much better. May Allah make your trials easier and make them a source of expiation for you.

            Aly
            *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*

          • Avatar

            anon

            March 20, 2014 at 3:43 PM

            its bcos ALLAH SWT loves u more than others, the greater the test the greater reward, the higher rank etc. sins are also expiated, its good, if u look at it like thath

  29. Avatar

    siddiqa

    February 15, 2014 at 7:06 PM

    My dearest sister,
    this made a whole lot of difference. All you need sometimes is the right reminder that clicks you back into your right place. JazakAllah khair. Love for you is gushing out of my heart right now.

  30. Avatar

    N

    February 27, 2014 at 7:21 AM

    I have been regularly visiting this site for hopeful reminders but I feel like my life is tangled. It’s been 11 yrs & I still haven’t met anyone after being divorced this long. I will be 30 in a couple years and I feel as if ppl around me hve lives’ changing but me/my family. I hve even learned to accept that maybe I am so unfortunate that I’m destined to be alone yet it seems like grls my age, younger are married having kids. I suffered so long I hate to complain but Allah seems to only help those that are doing bad. At times I feel like it’s easier to die Than to live in constant pain.

    I am looking for Muslim depression support group online, I feel very alone I hve no support frm my immediate family just my parents & friends hve become distant too.

    Any advice on online groups, or how to seek help in this would be appreciated. I am seeking professional help for depression.

  31. Avatar

    Ahmed

    March 15, 2014 at 8:28 AM

    People like me know that Allah didn’t leave us and it’s not the reason why we suffer a lot. The reason why we suffer is the human being. The human being hurts, not Allah. And everyday I see how my life is like the hell, not because I don’t pray, but because people leave me and get rid of me like I was a mosquito or rubbish and it happens since I was children, my father left me and my mother too, both of them didn’t die, just got rid of me because I was like rubbish. And this feel persecute me since my childhood, day after day I’m left apart, even who believed to be a good Muslim and said that Allah conducted me to him, and the following day, I was left apart by saying that I was less important than the others. My life is like that, I suffer everyday, I hurt myself and pray, do du’a but I never blamed Allah, I blame the ummah and people not Allah.

    • Avatar

      Siti

      May 15, 2014 at 11:29 PM

      Is true and logical what you said, most of the time is people who have made our life miserable and yet the people who have made our life miserable can lead happy life. Sometimes, I too wonder is there any justice? I know I shouldn’t said this, but sometimes I just wish that it much better to become tree or something rather then human being. Human are so frightening as they are selfish and only think of themselves only..

  32. Avatar

    Noorkh786

    April 8, 2014 at 12:16 AM

    Doesnt Allah have control over most things though? After a certain point one is tired of being tested and feels hopeless. This how I feel now. I feel like Im alive for my parents, I have no desire to live for me after all the hurt and hardship I have been through. I used to have an ounce of hope that my life wud turn around and I would meet a nice person but I have lost hope in that too as I continue to get older, and see others younger than me that are more fortunate. At times one does feel angry towards God, becuz they continue to ask y me? Y is it that nice ppl finish last? I guess I will have these questions in my mind. I dont even want to do dua anymore becuz there is nothing I wish for. After a certain point of facing so much one starts to believe that it is easier to die than to live and suffer, at least u cud die in peace.

    I start to wonder what do ppl really learn from Islam, many are just Muslim by name then since a lot are just either looking at you as someone to pass time with, flirt, will not marry you if you are divorced or belong to the same social class as them…

    I have become a stone hearted person, who just doesnt have motivation to ask God for anything. I do want to ask one thing why such evil, rude, and hurtful ppl get everything so easily in life. If Allah knew my life was gna be this difficult why was I brought here… I have become very angry and disheartened :(

    • Avatar

      Sophia

      April 24, 2014 at 7:06 PM

      I know EXACTLY how you feel, so much that this is the first time I have posted. I can relate to EVERYTHING that your saying. I too am at the point where I stop and look around and notice all the evil people winning while us compassionate ones lose out. It makes me doubt everything and wonder why do I even bother trying. As for now, I don’t really expect much good anymore. I guess you can say I give up. Sometimes we as people are put into a situation where we end up being stuck and its not fair because if it were up to us we wouldn’t have been in that spot to begin with. Life is rough, but when you head is telling you its never going to get better you start realizing its not even worth the effort of living.

      I was known in my community for being a good person so I would get numerous proposals for marriage. My parents always turned them away becuz to them nobody was good enough ( I was 25 yrs old already.) As life would have it, the one man they decided to give the green light to is the one I eventually agreed to marry. Long story made short we were married up until the time he received his green card and decided that America had more to offer then me. Fast forward now im 29, done with school and have nothing to call my own. No spouse, no kids, no nothing. I dread family gatherings because It seems like everyone is settled but me.

      I recently found someone in the same position as me and we are perfect for eachother, which is hard to find in a world of games,fakes, and false promises (double hard on divorcees.) As luck would have it my parents are refusing based on his social status even though he is a good muslim and i’m left to choose between my family or him when I shouldn’t even have to choose. I don’t know what to do.

      I know people say stay strong Allah is testing you and blah blah blah but when is enough enough? Why do the good ones suffer? I don’t deserve this. I don’t want to hurt anybody so am I just destined to hurt myself?

      I now am starting to wonder why am I even a muslim when I can’t even do whats considered right becuz of my parents? Why do I live by my parents rules when they themselves are going against Allah’s words? I don’t have hope in anything anymore.

      I’m exhausted and I quit. :(

      • Avatar

        Muhammad

        April 28, 2014 at 11:11 AM

        Dear Sister Sophia! you need to live for yourself and not for your parents.
        You said that you found someone, you need to marry that Brother and throw caution to the wind as they say. Maybe Allah t’ala sent him to you! Allah is not causing you to suffer, you are causing your own suffering!

        • Avatar

          Sophia

          May 2, 2014 at 8:23 PM

          Muhammad,

          Thanks for the reply. He’s worth the risk to me but what makes me afraid of taking the risk is all the threats of ” We’re going to disown you, we’re going to find him and kill him, and etc.. (even though I kinda think my parents are like most people and just threathen for the hell of it) but who knows, maybe not.

          It’s so upsetting to be threatened becuz I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG! I’m 29 and I just want to be married to this person who is suitable for me. I don’t care about all this caste system garbage. It’s haram to deny him based on that so why do they deny me that right and threathen me? Isn’t that haram?? They have no valid reason only excuses and I feel like if I would give up and walk away from this and not marry him I would just end up in the same postion with the next guy with more excuses on why they wouldn’t be right either or not good enough for me as well.

          And another thing, I see all these muslim women around me as examples. Always the same story. Fight for the guy, lose your family, and they end up divorced with no help or family to go back to. This is the #1 main reason why Im still in my bed writing this to you and not at the local masjid throwing caution to the wind and marrying myself.

          I believe Allah allowed us to find eachother, so why is he making it so difficult for us to be together

          I just want to be happy

          • Avatar

            ZAI

            May 2, 2014 at 10:19 PM

            Sr. Sophia,
            I agree w/ Brother Muhammad above. If you were at a younger age or not-divorced I’d say Imam Suhaib Webb, Shaykh Omar Suleiman, etc. have it right in saying there are many people out there for you, so you can get one that you want AND keep your parents happy…so don’t endanger your relationship with your parents for one person.

            However, given your situation and knowing the repugnant attitude Muslims and Muslim men in general have towards divorcees, you’re not gonna find a good guy like the guy you describe every day. You should definitely go for it if you have confirmed his character, deen, etc. and he is a suitable match…Don’t pass it up khoree,

            Your parents are being completely unreasonable and unjustified in their actions. You do not have any obligation to obey them in this nor do you have to fear about your safety. In the Western world, you have protections and rights. This is not Kabul or Rawalpindi. They’re trying to scare you, most likely nothing more.

            In any case, you can still try to salvage this thing in a way that isn’t antagonistic and is amicable. First step? Rather than commenting here, contact the adminstrators of this website here and ask if one of the sisters or brothers who regularly write here and have professional degrees in this area can counsel you. They can also refer you to Muslim counselors, etc. in your area if need be. Also many marriage/relationship/counseling professionals on Imam Suhaib Webbs website.

            Second step, talk to an Imam in your area that you trust and get him/her involved. They can also talk to your parents and present things to them from a position of religious authority and have them see what they’re doing is wrong and how it’s negatively affecting you for no reason.

            Atleast try these steps. However, if they still stand in your way and are stubbornly unreasonable, make a decision to live your life. Sooner or later they will not be here themselves and it is you who will be alone. At the end of the day parents love and miss their kids and most will forgive their children for going against them, even if it takes some time. This is very common and many Muslim kids have gone through it….But don’t just let a good guy go given your situation. They don’t come along every day.

      • Avatar

        Noorkh786

        May 8, 2014 at 2:12 AM

        Sister Sophia,

        Thank you for the reply and sorry for the delay in response. My life rite now seems like a million unanswered questions, depression at its peak, I feel like support frm family is not there either, its like a detour everywhere I go. :( I have become so frstrtated I have started to question does Allah even exist nauzubilla, with all these dissappointments, trials and such.

        I have become heartbroken, stone hearted and now dnt have hhope even. Sumtimes I feel like a broken answering machine saying the same thing over and over. U start to get annoyed by urself even.

        Idk who to go with my questions. Where is my duas going God? Where are my parents. I hate wen ppl say well maybe not in this life then wait for smthing better int he next. Ok, so everyone else thas been so bad and messed up in this world gets to do whatever and get rewarded still, this makes no sense.

        I wish there were ppl that cud help one another, or tell me when my time will come. :(

        • Avatar

          siti

          May 15, 2014 at 5:14 AM

          Salam Sister Noorkh786,

          I truly can understand how u feel, in fact what your question u directed and frustration u having now is exactly what how I feel now. I been hurt and used and even lose my dignity which I have tried to preserve for 26 years is gone like that and yet the person who hurt me can easily find his happiness just by turning to Allah without even truly asking forgiveness from me while here I’m the one living in grief crying everyday for 2 years without a direction. Cause of his own selfishness sometimes I do hope that Allah will punish him for what he have done to me.

          Countless of duas I have made asking Allah for happiness and rectify and make better my situation and affair for me so that I can move on but yet no answer and sometimes like u too I do even start to question myself does Allah even exist or not and worst thing i ever had made is to even said in my heart I hate Allah and even thinking of going out of my Islam nauzubillah. I know is serious sin to say that especially HE our creator but sometimes when things are becoming overwhelm and the hurt is too painful I just can’t stand it anymore and cry when everytime I had that kind of thought toward Allah.

          I seriously really really really don’t want to become ungrateful servant of Allah cause though I can’t bring myself to love Allah now with all the pain and trial HE put me through but I really really do fear of HIM and I don’t want to do things which HE forbidden.

          I really truly hoping for Allah blessing and also hoping that Allah will answer my duas and guide me through or at least bring me someone could bring me closer to HIM.

          • Avatar

            Noorkh786

            May 23, 2014 at 9:32 PM

            Salaam sister SIti,

            I am sorry to hear about your story as well. I guess it gives us some assurance that we arent alone, and I appreciate your reply, sorry for getting back to u late, depression really takes a toll on u and u just loose interest in so much.

            I myself rite now feel so alone, lost, heartbroken and depressed. I am tired and tired of asking Allah tallah for a good spouse but I dont know what his reasons are for keeping me this way. Its def. not easy, its best to take one day at a time. In depression its importnat to have some support and sumone u can talk too and relate too.

            I wish we could talk to more ppl here that way be of support to one another in such trials.

            take care of urself and I hope things get easier for us all Ameen.

          • Avatar

            siti

            May 26, 2014 at 12:37 AM

            Salam sister Noorkh786,

            REally appreciate your reply too, cause like you I do hope also I could meet someone who I could share and be support to one another in such trials because sometimes this trial can make us so depressed at one point and it can be unbearable too. Like you too, I been hoping for a right spouse too especially now when I’m nearly 30 (in fact next year) and all my life I have not been in relationship before but when I manage to find someone who connected I end up getting more hurt and being used by him which lead me to depressed right now. Yesterday one of my friend getting married and when I saw her I fully of envy and tell myself how blessed she is to finally found her soulmate and yet for me here I’m full of hurt and losing my direction for both in my career and finding the right spouse. Sometimes, I do wish also that Allah hear my duas and understand my situation but I guess all we all can do is to be patient.

            You too sister, take care of yourself too and I hope we can help each other and supporting one another especially in times like this. I hope also that things will get easier for all of us who in need. Ameen

    • Avatar

      Parveen

      May 13, 2014 at 4:44 PM

      sister sophia and noorkh by reading your stories I for the first time have posted below even being an IT graduate. People say evil is created by man following shaytan I ask why does the mighty allah swt allow this. Freewill is the answer but what good is freewill when people ony use to hurt other people why are they still walking amongst the good and ruining lives. We will get adjhar in there hereafter whilst we lead miserable existences. Wheres the equal and fairness and if life is to be like this why do we have to injure. But these questions can never be answered fairly. and we eagerly await our end :’-(

      • Avatar

        Noorkh786

        May 23, 2014 at 9:37 PM

        Dear Parveen,

        Salaam sister. I understand your frustration and at times I too wonder certain things. But I will say that the more u tangle ur mind in depth of things like this the more negativity will come out of it. Try not too think so much cuz u sound like me, sumone who also thinks a lot. I know its easier said than done, but I do think shaitaan is pushing us to be so negative too. Sum things are best left in Allahs hands, I guess these tests wont last forever.My mother always said theres an end to everything especially bad things inshallah ameen. May Allah make it easier for u too dear sister.

    • Avatar

      zma

      October 1, 2014 at 10:45 PM

      i know how you feel… ill marry you in a heart beat

      • Avatar

        Noor

        October 1, 2014 at 11:47 PM

        @zma: thank you. :) that Is so sweet of u to say. I know I may not know you & u may not know me either but ur words just made my day.

        • Avatar

          zma

          October 2, 2014 at 8:46 AM

          im glad that i can make u feel happy… let me kno if u ever want to talk

          • Avatar

            Noor

            October 2, 2014 at 8:58 AM

            Yea sure we can try to talk :)

      • Avatar

        Noor

        October 2, 2014 at 2:29 PM

        I wish there was someone who truly understood me & who can call me their own or I can call my own and we cud live happily. Sometimes I feel like this is all too far away from reality and it’s just a dream. U always see others and just live with accepting the truth that I may just end up growing old alone. May Allah help everyone in this situation.

  33. Avatar

    Aliya waqar

    April 24, 2014 at 11:01 AM

    Surely, those innocent children will be in Jannah with Allah SWT. This life is temorary and honeslty these days evil is easily approachable. Those woman and children may have suffured but they are in a place far more better than this world.

  34. Avatar

    zeba

    May 8, 2014 at 11:29 AM

    I think Allah hates me!..He won’t help me..may b m a big sinner..bt why did he make sucide haram?

  35. Avatar

    Nasser

    May 11, 2014 at 3:53 AM

    Allah SWT loves his creation not hate read the Quran Allah SWT dislikes the rebellious and loves the obedient I have anxiety fall into depression have had suicidal thoughts i know they are from satan i also know that suicide is haraam i will bear the illness till im better or death InshaAllah Allah has given me time on this earth a lifetime to try and earn good deeds im no one to end that thats Gods decision and i accept that id rather suffer in this world and be obedient then to be rebellious to Allah SWT and die upon disbelief and suffer in the hereafter which will be far worse read the Quran in a language u understand without knowledge we are lost to understand our enemy we need to know who or what he is satan wants us to follow him into the fire by becoming rebellious just as he became rebellious and Allah SWT wants us to struggle for paradise an eternity of peace and relaxation chillax people Allah SWT doesnt test us beyond our strengths Allah SWT is testing me i may have depression but i feel happy when i remember this verse: Allah, the Most High says:

    “Alif-Laam-Meem. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe’, and will not be tested? And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make known, those who are true, and will certainly make known those who are liars.”

    (Al-Qur’an 29:1-3)

    Explanation
    “Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested?”. This is a rebuke in the form of a question, meaning that Allah will inevitably test His believing servants according to their level of faith. The stronger the religious commitment, the stronger the test.” [Tafsir ibn Kathir] im happy because my suffering confirms i am amongst those who believe inshaAllah may Allah SWT strenghten ur imaan my brothers and sisters do not be fooled by the dunyas temporary enjoyment strenghten urselves with knowledge of Gods book and die on tawheed La illah ha ilAllah mahammadur rasool Allah InshaAllah after hardship comes ease

    • Avatar

      Noorkh786

      May 23, 2014 at 9:49 PM

      Salaam brother nasser,

      Thank u for sharing, subhanallah this was very gud to read, its like Allah sent me here to this site to read ur post and others as I was feeling so down and depressed.

      Alhamdulillah I feel better after reading.

  36. Avatar

    zeba

    May 13, 2014 at 4:40 AM

    Thnx brother..ur post was really nice..I felt better…please pray dat Allah gives me patience…Jazak Allah.

  37. Avatar

    Parveen

    May 13, 2014 at 4:25 PM

    Salaam brothers and sisters. I know and understand that allah swt has a plan for each individual and has your life mapped out for you. But I ask why do some people get more than shall we say there fair share of pain even though they remember allah swt and have patience at every oppurtunity. My story and I hate to be seen as dramatic and a complainer but Im 25yr old female. My father left when I was 3 because he couldnt face his responsibilities. My mother ledt me when I was 10 after my paternal grandfather had died because her own parent & siblings were more important. I was never really cared for by either parent and bought up by my eldery gran and as you imagine I became a carer before my time but I took it as fate and tried to live on and loved my gran dearly. My teenage years were not easy as at every junction I faced roadblock whether that was to further education or pushed towards marriage etc by other relatives because they would say I have no parents but I stayed strong and put my faith in allah swt and was successful to some but never really recoverd of the constant parent abandonment remarks from the world. But anyways after a rough childhood i became an adult and worked studied and cared for my gran with little time for pleasure or friends as such. My gran was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I lost her within a couple of months of her diagnosis I was 21. I was shattered by it lost everything had no where to live or anyone to fall back on but I kept faith. But soon after that I had illness befall me and uncurable disease that would bring me to my knees which I still struggle from everyday my mobility my chances of becoming parent living a normal onlife taking steriods morphine 40 odd tablets a day even now 3 yrs on. after my gran died I was once again forced to cosider marriage by relative as I had no one. I gave in and agreed got married in Pakistan after knowing my husband understood my illness etc. I was across there for 4 weeks. I thought allah swt had bless me and I finally had someone who cared. I entered his case and it failed and so did his appeals etc. He divorce me 2 years into the marriage as he could not come over and my illness meant I couldnt go there and he had lost patience. I lost everything money, family, life everything.

    So please can someone tell me what kind of sin could I have commited to be given all the above and how can Allah swt give so much pain to its believer follower. I have begun to loose faith but try not to get angry as I know that the shaytan. People tell me that I am being tested but for how long. The article is true and fair but doesnt seem to be the state of my life.

    Apologies if I offend anyone and for a long article moaning about my life but I dont often pour my heart out and have learned to keep it just to me but this article seemed to be a way I could get some answers and help. Jazak-allah for reading

  38. Avatar

    ihateGod

    May 15, 2014 at 1:05 AM

    My resentment towards God is growing every single day. God has been testing me for years over a matter that I have no control over. I have spent nights and nights bowing before Him asking Him to help me. To have mercy on me but He did not listen. Instead bad things keep happening to me every now and then and whenever I am finally happy the happiness is taken away from me. Everyone around me is being given everything that I had been praying for. Marriage kids etc and I cannot get it. Even those who get it don’t pray at all. They don’t do good things. So now I don’t pray either. I know prayer is not a bribe but how can I pray to God who doesn’t listen to any of my prayers? How can I pray to God who inflicts me with this torture? How can God say He is the most merciful and He loves me more than my mother when he torments me over everything? My mother cannot see me being tortured so how can God torture me and claim to love me? God hates me and now I hate Him too. I don’t believe in prayers. I don’t believe in right and wrong. I hate God for being so merciless towards me.

    • Avatar

      Anjum

      May 16, 2014 at 3:26 AM

      Salaam All,

      Please listen to the following two Audios-Loss-blessing & Story of prophet Yusuf…They help me a lot and would help you too..Inshahallah

      http://www.cpsglobal.org/content/loss-blessing-april-26-2014
      http://www.cpsglobal.org/content/story-prophet-yusuf-i-may-11-2014

    • Avatar

      siti

      May 16, 2014 at 5:01 AM

      Salam ihateGod,

      I can understand your frustration, cause the same question that you directed is exactly the same question that I have ask myself before especially with my current situation now. Sometimes just like you I do question myself and ask if God really merciful and love me more then my mother then why does HE allow bad things to happen to me which I make dua to him and even try to prevent myself from happening it. I guess even my mother itself will not allow it to happen so why does he allow it to happen? that is always my question everytime and now at the back of my mind. They said everything happen for a reason but sometimes from what I see the reason will always be inclined toward the other party but not to myself which make me feel as though like I’m puppet being used for someone happiness. Sometimes I’m just so sad and ask myself why I can’t even get simple happiness and everytime whenever I have that happiness it will only for shortlived and that things will be taken away from me. I’m sister nearly 30 and I have not been in love before for 26 years and when I find someone who finally chase or confess their love to me it turn out otherwise. And what pissed me off is the fairness of God, cause if God really fair then why the person who manipulate my feeling for his own selfish desire and take away my dignity and my career still can get guidance from HIM and have his career and happiness back while here I’m still struggling finding my direction and losing the job that I like? Sometimes I do ask, where is the fairness of it all? I know I shouldn’t have said this but sometimes, this feeling is burdened me up and the only way for me to grieve out my unhappiness is through my salah. That the only way I can complain to God, but sometimes it doesn’t work out too cause nothing happened. I’m tired with my life now too and sometimes wish that I could end it fast since I feel that life is meaningless. I know I shouldn’t say all this but I really hope Allah could get me out of all this grieving situation and listen to my dua. Now istifighar and salah is the only way that can calm my heart down.

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      O H

      May 20, 2014 at 4:40 AM

      May Allaah Guide us all, Ameen.

      I reckon this short 4 minute video will be a good reminder and grant us perspective.

      http://www.quranweekly.com/juz-17-quranic-gems/

    • Avatar

      Zia star

      December 17, 2014 at 12:49 PM

      I have just read your comment and totally understand where your coming from I feel your inner pain. You know why because just 2 days ago my faith is dwindling in Allah.

      All I can say to you my fellow human being is I am sorry for all your trials and I wish so wish I could make it better for you. Forgive me I am helpless and useless and also forgotten by my lord.

  39. Avatar

    hopefull

    June 7, 2014 at 12:46 PM

    Salaam, this is very good Alhamdulliah, i failed my driving test a few times, therefore lost faith, however i’ve picked myself up now and inshallah will pass the next, however if the result is not possitive again then inshallah will be patient and will not lose hope. May Allah grant everybody happiness and guide them on the correct path, and answer their duas, Ameen.
    I don’t know what i would do without you guys, it feels so good relating to people that understand xxx

  40. Avatar

    Getting there iA

    June 8, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Salams,

    I cant believe we call ourselves believers.
    just because you haven’t been married or because you lost someone close to you, you decide to hate you’re Creator who gave you everything.

    I was abused as a child in many ways, I grew up being beaten daily and called a slave amongst other things.
    My parents split up and we were left homeless, my mother suffered from depression and as I was the eldest I looked after my family. we moved town and left friends and family behind. I worked hard to put a roof over my mother’s and siblings heads. from the age of 17, I was studying, working and supporting my family.

    I then saved and bought a house for my family. i never socialised, went out or enjoyed my youth til the age of 28. I then met someone who promised the world, I then started saving for my wedding. In the process of getting married I lost much of my relatives as they were not happy with the idea of me being married outside their wishes. 2 years later I find out my husband is gay and was cheating. he financially emotionally and physically wore me down. I went through a divorce.

    Don’t get me wrong it upset me and hit me hard. But i came out thinking its a test, an experience, deal with it and move on. But how weak am I if let my test get the better of me. Its about being a strong individual and knowing The Creator is merely testing you.
    This life is our test..it is hell for the believers and heaven for the non believers. Maybe Allah swt loves you so much that he is focusing on you to continually test your love for him.

    Sometimes when I have something good I fear its because im getting everything in this dunya and wont get the rewards in the akhirah.

    Please have sabr, you always get through situations, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. its how you deal with it and how you leave it in His Swt hands.

    • Avatar

      Abdul Shukoor

      June 10, 2014 at 6:37 AM

      i appriciate your way of approach sister..great..may Allah grant you peace and blessings in both world..

    • Avatar

      N

      June 10, 2014 at 9:43 PM

      Salaam “getting there iA,”

      Reading ur story does give some assurance to ppl like myself that were not alone and there are others that may be facing sumthing.

      Although everyones situation is different we often find ourselves so down and depressed its hard to look at anything else. These past couple of days dor me have been miserable, almost to the point where I cudnt understand what else to do, but come to this site for some helpful answers and positivity.

      Thank you very much for having the courage to share your story. I am battling with constant depression and hopelessness so reading things like this does give some hope.

      I hope allah helps everyone in hardship ameen.

      –N

  41. Avatar

    Vic

    June 10, 2014 at 6:08 PM

    If you want an experience with God, if you want answers, try this. Sit in a quiet room or your car, clear your heart, and simply tell God one thing. “My God, I am here and I am listening”.

    All you have to do is knock, and I promise he will answer. God loves you more than you know.

    • Avatar

      No

      June 10, 2014 at 9:37 PM

      Thanks for sharing, very helpful especially on days wen one like myself feels so hopeless.

  42. Avatar

    Nasser

    June 19, 2014 at 12:45 AM

  43. Avatar

    N

    June 20, 2014 at 12:18 PM

    Salaam,

    I am turning 28 soon and I feel like a lonely person who just wants to give up. I started smoking again, (cigs) I was doing ok for sumtime wen I was busy but now that I’m turning 28 I feel alone, sad, heartbroken and just what to die. I don’t know what to do anymore it hurts me living in this world seeing so many ppl around me living in sum happiness I do know they hve problems too but i feel like ive failed miserably. I hve stopped taking care of myself where I’m not supposed to be smoking and being on a certain med which can lead to serious health issues but what gud is there to live. How much is too much? I hve started to get sik of my same complaining.

    I do dua but when will Allah listen? Is there an end to any of this? I wish there was Sumone who cud just understand how hard this really is. Being in it alone is making me ask god for nothing but taking me back. :(((

    • Avatar

      siti

      June 20, 2014 at 1:14 PM

      Salam sister,

      Sabr and dont do that to your body n health. Just like u im also at the age of 29 goin to 30 soon and I dont have guy chasing or asking me marriage n what worse that when there family gathering my uncle will keep teasing me n callin me names as such as old spinster or say such hurtful words like no guy want me etc. I can’t deny I feel so hurt, afterall im juz human being too & I do feel lonely too especially now when I trying so hard to forget about my hurtful past there will be time for me that I do want to end my life too but coz I keep thinking how commit suicide is haram I keep continue going on wif my life. So sister dont tink that u the only one, have sabr n keep movig on wif ur life..

  44. Avatar

    Nasser

    June 23, 2014 at 12:05 AM

    What about when Allah is angry?

    • Avatar

      N

      June 23, 2014 at 10:01 PM

      @Nasser:
      What do you mean?

  45. Avatar

    Nasser

    June 25, 2014 at 10:28 AM

    read this http://quran.com/75 surah qiyamah do u guys not feel things wen u read the Quran?

    • Avatar

      noorkh786

      June 25, 2014 at 1:47 PM

      If Allah has control over everything why does he let sum ppl stay so hurt? If He has power to change things then why are sum ppl tested so much to the point where they only wish or do dua for their own death? Isn’t Allah all merciful? What do you have to say abt that! It’s better to die than live in such suffer :(

      • Avatar

        Mahmud

        June 25, 2014 at 2:13 PM

        Allah is also al-Aziz, He tests his slaves however which way he wills. However he promised Jannah forever to the one who dies a Muslim so the hardships of this dunya are little in comparison. And he promised the fire forever to the one who dies a disbeliever so the hardships of this world are also quite small in comparison.

      • Avatar

        Balooh

        June 25, 2014 at 4:57 PM

        Sister. Allah swt only tests those whom he wishes good for. Jannah comes with a high pricetag. Patience and prayer is the prescription for depression.
        Apart from having faith in Allah, you must be actively trying to solve the issue.
        The waswasa of shaytaan has always been strong, did the generations before us have an easy life? I think we have become (generally speakin) quite weak.
        Wishing you well n may Allah make your life easier.

        • Avatar

          noorkh786

          June 26, 2014 at 12:14 PM

          Dear Balooh,
          Thanks for ur kind reply. May Allah make it easy for u as well.

      • Avatar

        Balooh

        June 25, 2014 at 5:55 PM

        We can attain Jannah through many ways. Some people will enter because they read their salaah, some people will enter because of the way they treat their parents kindly, some people will enter through dua’s. Some will enter through having their sins wiped away through illness or hardship.
        Allah has made us muslim as He wants to give us Jannah. May we be prepared to strive for it in a way which pleases Him.

      • Avatar

        M

        June 25, 2014 at 6:03 PM

        Salam
        This question is becoming very common now days. I am not very good at explaining but let me try

        1. This world is a place for tests. Everyone is being tested. Some are being tested through hardships, while others are being tested through ease.

        2. Allah has set rules and regulations on how to live on this earth. This includes rights of parents, children, men, women, workers and human beings in general.

        3. We also have free will, and some people use it to break Allah’s laws by oppressing others and transgressing their limits.

        4. If someone breaks these laws it’s the job of the Islamic state to stop them. It is also our job as Muslims to stop that person by ordering good and forbidding evil.

        5. If we do not do so there will be chaos in the society, and will eventually lead to the downfall of that nation.

        6. Allah will hold those people accountable for their actions, if not in this world, then definitely in the hereafter. They will not get away with it.

        So if somebody has been through so many hardships that they want death, it’s because the people around them have been breaking Allah’s laws. I pray that Allah give peace to the hearts of the oppressed, give them strength and make their lives easy. Ameen.

        Hope this helps :)

        • Avatar

          Balooh

          June 25, 2014 at 6:16 PM

          Ameen. Well said.
          It’s a constant reminder of the times we live in. Being positive and patient does not always get you far in this world, but we have to remind ourselves that if life is temporary, then of course the pains of the world are also temporary. Part of the problem is we constantly see people chasing their desires and it’s like eating in front of a person who’s fasting. Dangling fruit in front of a beggar.
          Blessed are the believers, the struggles we go through trying to fight our nafs. Allah is all seeing.. May Allah grant us the goodness of this life and the hereafter.

          • Avatar

            N

            June 26, 2014 at 7:11 PM

            I would like to personally thank the ones that have replied to me since these past two days have been extremely difficult. May Allah reward all of you that take the time to write to those that are suffering. Jazakallah and I wish you all well too.

        • Avatar

          N

          June 26, 2014 at 7:09 PM

          Ws,

          @M: You did a great job explaining thank you so much! I feel somewhat better and am trying to pray too since I was away from that as well.

      • Avatar

        Nasser

        July 19, 2014 at 7:50 PM

        Surat Al-Mā’idah (The Table Spread) – سورة المائدة 5:9
        to top

        Sahih International
        Allah has promised those who believe and do righteous deeds [that] for them there is forgiveness and great reward.

  46. Avatar

    N

    July 13, 2014 at 11:02 PM

    salaam everyone:

    I hope you are all having a good ramadan. I am feeling very down and low.
    I have started to fall behind and loose hope once again, lost the willingness to want to pray, I do make dua but I try to make dua for not being alive anymre, or Allah taking me bak.
    These days I just want to end my life, I have nothing to want to live for except my family or maybe my job and education. I feel like a complete failure in the area of not being able to find a good person in the eleven years of being divorced. Its like this is eating me up from inside, I am tired of crying and feel so empty, my heart breaks seeing all these happy ppl around me.
    I have tried to make more friends and wen I did I am told the most rudest things that sumone in my place wud probably not even want to here. Juust today I was talking to someone that I thought was a friend and he made a really rude remark since he is back home in Pak about why I cant find anyone in the US, or whats the reason behind that? And then wen sumone is confronted then they just cover it up and say they are joking. Being a divorced, emotinally, physically, mentally abused grl frm my ex, I feel like I need sum relief in my life, I am fed up. My mind just thinks that death is the only answer to all this and that this life is temporary as it is. I am 28 years old already and feel so old, one cant live in this world with a blindfold on and see all those ppl that are married, getting married, have been through divorces yet there lives seemingly change,. I am not suppoesd to smoke cigarettes but I have started to smoke a lot even tho Im on certain meds that increase my risk of a heart attack and stroke. I am tired of antidepressants too becuz they only do so much.

    Brothers and sisters, I wish there was a friend or sumone that understood me. This life is a test I understand but this test is becoming so tough I am starting to not being able to bare it anymore. I know its ramadan and u shud do dua as much as possible but my duas, my parents feel like they arent answered and Im gna go crazy, Ive told my mom to leave me the way I am and plz let me die. Plz help me wiht sum dua or sumthing my mind will burst…

    • Avatar

      siti

      July 16, 2014 at 12:28 AM

      Salam sister,

      I understand how u feel, coz I’m too like you single lady(not divorcee) still unable to find anyone or good man to get married and my age is also like your 29 years old too going to be 30. I wont deny its not bothering me especially after get cheated by some jerk in my previous workplace of my dignity and career and coz of this it somehow demoralize me too sometimes thinking where am I lacking and why am I having such a bad fate in love/marriage whereas all my friends even those that bully me in high school can have such a blessed marriage and able to meet their soulmate. I don’t deny thinking that is unfair but then again we can’t do anything as all this is the will of Allah. People tell me that I do not make an effort to know or mingle more with people and that’s why I’m still single but somehow after what happen I’m too scared that guy will take advantage of me again especially I’m soft hearted person and maybe that’s the reason why im still alone. I do feel you sister that u feel lonely and empty and wanted to be love, however u still need to move on. I think is all begin with the mind if u allow it to bother you, you will still keep thinking about it. I suggest you need to make yourself busy in order to forget all that, and u need to pray and made dua to Allah to ask HIM to let you meet with a good husband. I feel you need to start loving yourself more and start to love being alone so that you will not be relying on guys and that is what I’m trying to do now. Yes, it can be difficult and lonely sometimes especially when you walk alone outside and you see happy couple it will make you feel lonely but nevertheless I tried to ignore all those and tried to enjoy myself being alone and sometimes once you do that you will start to enjoy it, trust me. U need to stop thinking you unworthy coz I believe everyone are worthy to be love. I know it can be hard to do it especially when you in depressed mood but look at it this way, sometimes when u want things so much it will not come to you but when you didn’t want that thing it will come to you unexpectedly. Maybe, you are rushing to get married and that where your expectation become high. So for now I think you need to control your mind sister coz is all begin with the mind/thoughts, enjoy being alone, pray and make dua that you will find good husband and insya allah you will find one deserving your love. I really hope you and myself will find your soul mate sister and have strength to keep moving….

  47. Avatar

    Nasser

    July 19, 2014 at 7:39 PM

    Walaikum asalaam N hey do u have anxiety/depression? Stop stressing urself out over everything chill Allah SWT doesnt burden us so why do we burden ourselves? Things happen in life so we can learn from them we meet good people we also meet bad/evil people personally i see them as 1 of Allah SWT’s signs for the existence of heaven and hell and this helps strenghten my imaan rhen i dont feel confused and depressed anymore hope u can figure this out too :) ask for good health wealth knowledge and wisdom inshaAllah rather then death so u can do good deeds and in the future help others who will be goin through wt u r goin through at the moment after hardship comes ease hardship in this life isnt long it just feels it in the hereafter its worse and more lasting so just do every bit of good u can when u can and make it a regular thing basically learn to stand again before u run take everythin one at a time and dont worry about bein single we r all single in our graves lol hope i aint made u feel worse lol sorry

    • Avatar

      N

      July 27, 2014 at 7:33 PM

      @ Nasser:

      Yes I do hve depression & hve been going thru if for quite sum time now. It’s not easy being alone and going thru such thing but wut can u do. I feel very alone and broken inside. Sumtimes I wish I hAd a gud friend or Sumone that cud just talk sumtime. It doesn’t help living in a very absuive family either. My siblings are emotionally, verbally and sumtimes even physically absuive. I hve told my mother that I wud like to move out Becuz I can’t take such stress and emotional crap over and over. I understand what ur saying, but doing dua too now is tiring to me. I feel lke I’m mentally drained.

      Overcoming physical abuse, a bad divorce, Sumone that’s cheated on u, and continuously meeting the wrong guys has made me hopeless and at times my head feels like it will burst. It’s not easy and seeing ppl around u that r happy married and have Sumone is even harder.

      I feel like maybe I’m better off dead. I just can’t take anymore tests cuz I feel as if how tough is it one Sumone that they ask to die Becuz everything else feels like failure.

      I hve a good job alhamdulillah, I’m grateful for my parents but certain things I have really failed and my depression keeps getting worst. I wish I had Sumone who cud tell me that everything will be okay.

      Pls remember me in duas. Jazakumullah.

      • Avatar

        Shawn Mathis Gilliam

        February 19, 2016 at 8:50 PM

        Allah isn’t your answer, he is your problem, you must renounce him, and tell him straight up, you don’t worship anyone who harms you like he does. Stand for your rights, demand payback for what he has damaged. In a court of law, the one who is damaged by someone’s elses neglagents gets paid. Allah is most surely neglagent.

  48. Avatar

    Nasser

    August 16, 2014 at 8:49 PM

    InshaAllah may Allah SWT have mercy on us. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SplxgG6rx5o

  49. Avatar

    zma

    October 1, 2014 at 5:00 PM

    i really need help with this issue… this article is very nice, but I would like to talk to someone privately, if they can…. I am goin thru hardships that have shaken me… can anyone help me?

    • Avatar

      Noor

      October 1, 2014 at 6:15 PM

      I understand you may not want to talk abt ur problem openly but u can email me: faith7865@gmail.com

  50. Avatar

    Noor

    October 3, 2014 at 5:37 PM

    Salaam everyone:

    I am tired of going thru wut I’m going thru. I dnt want to talk abt my problem
    Openly and Im tired of it myself. Is there someone that can be a gud friend. Ive lost hope, feel miserable, distressed, and I just feel extremely down. There are friends you can talk too but Sumtimes you just need sumone yo understand You. I Hve lost hope in God and doing dua too.
    :( Plz help me

  51. Avatar

    juma

    December 7, 2014 at 1:19 AM

    Salam Noor,

    I know and truly understand what you going through right now coz i’m also going through the same situation as u right now. I know u really do want to meet your soulmate and get married happily badly and I truly understand that coz like you I do wanted this badly. Is enough to see my surrounding and fellow friends are blissfully married yet here I’m still alone, single hurting by the past and keep meeting the wrong guy which ever insulted me of learning quran. For the past few days, I been crying very hard and feel so much pain that I keep thinking and asking why this world is so unfair, and why is God is so unfair which nauzibilah I shouldn’t said and have that thought. But sometimes I can’t help but to think why the person who play & cheated on my feeling and nafs can get everything back and being happily lived while here i’m feeling so much misery and suffering in pain especially struggling through with my nafs which this guy have awaken and play it on me? I keep asking myself why didn’t he get the punishment of losing his job, his family etc just like how i’m being punished by Allah? Why do I’m the only one get the punishment and suffering while he get the guidance and forgiven from Allah after all he have done to me? I know Allah is Al-Adl but sometimes I can’t help doubting Allah fairness and it make me feel so miserable coz I really don’t want to think bad of HIM. Don’t we human being have our own rights too when someone play and cheated on us just for his own desire for us to hope that he will get his deserved punishment too? I know Allah is merciful and HE love to forgive but as long as I don’t know/see he get his deserve punishment yet my heart is unable to forgive that person freely. I’m in so much pain there so many question but no answer. Sometimes I do wish to meet someone better and special who able to help me overcome this anguish that i’m feeling inside. And like you too, I’m also scared of growing old alone especially when I feel that I have such ill fate in love. But what i’m scared the most now is that i’m afraid that I will fall into sin and do something which Allah hate after so hard struggling with my nafs to keep my virginity coz it hurt me to see that pple who disobey Allah and berzina or do sex before marriage can happily married yet here i’m struggling with my nafs to keep my virginity is still alone and keep meeting wrong guy that hurting me. I feel so much hurt and I know each person have their own decree but how I wish that Allah know how much pain I’m going through right now. How do i stop myself thinking bad about Allah? I really hope I can keep continue my faith and stop thinking bad about him especially so after Allah have answer my prayer to give the job that I like back. I really hope Allah know my pain and answer my duas soon to meet my soulmate after all the suffering that I go through.

  52. Avatar

    Siti

    December 8, 2014 at 11:00 AM

    @noor

    I know exactly how u feel coz this is what im goin through now especially so when the hurtful past come n revisit me again. I juz want to bang my head into the wall to stop all this misery. For the past few days i been crying hard really hard wif the thought of injustice n unfairness comes into my mind. N i knw i shloudnt say this but im even angry with God that the man who hurt n take advantage of me can still lead happy life while here im suffering in pain. The past that happen to me is so painful that i cant even forgive the person till now n hope to Allah that he receive his deserved punishment too. But despite all that anger & hopelessness i tried my best to still hold on to God. Now sometimes By reciting istifghar can make my heart at peace little bit n though the pain still there at least i feel little bit better. Juz like u i do hope to find someone who can appreciate me after the suffering that i go through but being unlucky in love i still hoping n sometimes i do lose hope too. But lets tell ourselves to be patient n keep praying so that Allahwill grant our dua..

  53. Avatar

    Nasser

    December 17, 2014 at 12:29 AM

    How can u lose hope in the Mercy of Allah SWT? He is testing ur patience and ur level of mercy… Will u show mercy and forgive the evil ignorant people for the sake of Allah SWT? Can u? Yes u can inshaAllah this anger will only drag u down.. Satan is manipulating u.. Clear ur thoughts and see before the problems u chose Allah SWT… Just cuz of a little problem ur going to abandon the faith? Imagine this is a battlefield… R u going to abandon the ummah? No because u love them right? And u love Allah SWT too… U did before u still do… Complain to Allah SWT ask him to relieve u and u will try ur best to walk on the straight path better then u ever did before learn duas the messenger pbuh him was the closest to Allah SWT so his pbuh test was much greater then ours so what did he do? He was patient full of hope and made dua and remembered Allah SWT often… Treat the relationship with u and Allah SWT as though HE SWT is ur oldest friend and truest… Make dua lets see if u are not relieved inshaAllah… If ur life is hard here akirah is easy.. And vice versa so choice is urs this dunya or akhirah (afterlife) i personally can wait as dunya has no value in reality and Allah will give me good things when i deserve them inshaAllah… Really brothers and sisters gain knowledge from Quran and ahadith… The messenger is our example… Pbuh and all the messengers… InshaAllah.

    • Avatar

      Siti

      December 18, 2014 at 12:04 AM

      @Nasser,

      Thank you nasser for your post. I know Allah is testing our patience and mercy but do we have to show mercy to the person who have hurt us deeply and manipulate our feeling for their own sake of desire and lust and yet they still get everything back while here I’m still feel misery and cry almost everyday. I knw we have to forgive the person that hurt us but it make me feel God is unfair and feel so injustice that the person can just hurt us and receive forgiveness so easily whereas I’m the one that have to lead life with so much painfulness. The pain that he inflict me is so painful that I can’t even force my heart to forgive him just so that I could let go. I tried once to force myself to forgive him but the next day the anger come again. What anger me more is that I have warn and tell him off alot of times but coz of his own desire and lust he still make me fall & manipulate my feeling just so that he can satisfy himself and tamper with my nafs. Yet now he lead happy life while here I’m have to fight even more with my nafs just so that I will not fall into satan trap to do zina. Is tiring and painful to me and sometimes i just can’t stand it but have to cry. I know to you it might be small problem but to some it can be bigger problem to them as different people have different level of faith. So lets not judge individually.

  54. Avatar

    Zia star

    December 18, 2014 at 3:02 AM

    @ Nasser.

    I appreciate all that your saying. But haven’t you forgotten something… where is you kindness and compassion and mercy? ? I have read every thread on here and I find your mannerism abrasive. Make your point by all means but don’t forget you are also being judged. If our beloved nabi Mohammed saw was so kind and compassionate to all those around him. Who the hell are you Mr know it all. Let’s wait and see when your tested to the point of madness and losing your sanity. Then you come and talk to me. You know people like you bang on and put people like us off deen. Pls go and learn to be compassionate and good mannerisms. Some non Muslims have shown more adaab and excellent eiquette comparison to you. Mr muslim know it all. Why don’t you just hang us all and be done with it once and for all. Ya Allah bless all these beautiful broken souls who need your help with mercy. And pls give Nasser nekhi hidayaat so he may calm down and show mercy as he’s clearly forgotten that he his just merely a human being and being a bloke doesn’t give him any sort of power or precedence.

    • Avatar

      Anonymous

      May 3, 2015 at 3:04 AM

      This is a funny reply.. First of all what do u know about my current health? Why because i have no reason to complain on a website. I do my complaining to Allah SWT the one we worship. Second ur teaching me about mannerism by being rude and aggressive? Another think i noticed u said people like me put u off deen? Hmmm so u follow people rather then the text? Read the scripture, then even if a million people are rude to u, u wont be put off deen. Why? Because ur heart will be set firm on the truth. Everyday is a day to grow stronger inshaAllah.

    • Avatar

      Get real

      May 3, 2015 at 3:31 AM

      U guys are angry towards Allah? He who revealed the Quran and will put u into heaven. But ur anger is not directed at satan who invites u to lies and sinful shameful ways? Hmmm rather strange dont u think?

  55. Avatar

    siti

    December 18, 2014 at 4:12 AM

    @Zia,

    Alhamdulillah, With all my due respect thanks for saying exactly what I wanted to said. Is not that I’m trying to be rebellious and forsaking the advice, however sometimes they have to consider the person feeling and be more compassionate in giving advice because not every imaan is the same and you dont know exactly what and how the person feel. To him our problem might be small but to other who going through the trial or test it might be different thus I hope those who wish to give advice will be more compassionate.

    • Avatar

      Zia star

      December 18, 2014 at 1:24 PM

      @ siti

      I am so relieved and glad that you get me. You know something only you as the one who is suffering can only know how it feels. These holier than though muslims who appear so arrogant, so many have made me turn away. But I know my lord Allah and my deen is too kind too merciful and too beautiful. Why can’t these so called know it all lot just show some humility and humble. I often wonder what good is being all deeni and practising when you really can’t practice what is preached. I promise to not judge and am so glad alhumdulillah that someone understood my point xx

  56. Avatar

    Noor

    December 22, 2014 at 3:58 PM

    Dear Zia,

    Thanks for posting what many of us were probably not able to post. Some religious ppl may post things thinking it is doing good to us, but the way they are coming across is so wrong. I wish ppl were nicer, more compassionate, try to understand one another but sadly there’s not many in this world at least when it comes to Muslims. There are some well I should say many that are just muslim by name. God knows how sick I feel right now emotionally and mentally and everyday is like a struggle just want to give up :( these ppl dnt know what it feels like Becuz u urself probably haven’t gone through all this pain, suffer, crying, and sometimes dnt even have anyone to turn too to evn talk. I wish someone could talk to me and tell me that this is temp everyone will be okay but I dnt hve that either. I’m so tired I just feel like my head will burst. Even where I work there are religious ppl who wear hijab and dnt even talk to other Muslims, ask them how are you? Seriously many are just by name. I wonder how these evil ones get everything on time: fiancé, love, gna get married on time and then there’s some kind hearted ppl who are just constantly tested. That I will nvr understand. I’m almost 29, I think at this point I’ve lost hope. And to all the “religious ” PPl out there: have a heart, u nvr know it could happen to you.

    • Avatar

      Zia star

      December 23, 2014 at 6:35 AM

      @ Noor

      Honey this is my email: Zia is my little boys name. (I’m obsessed with his name)

      Email me hinahussain8@aol.com you inshallah email me anytime, day or night. I will understand your pain as i too am suffering exactly the same way.

      I promise to listen and understand without any prejudice or Judgement (who the hell is anyone to judge anyway)

      All my love Noor. It will get better, when I don’t know. But it won’t be like this forever. Ameen ameen ameen.

  57. Avatar

    RallyUmmah

    March 2, 2015 at 3:08 PM

    I will be frank. THE PAINS EACH OF YOU SUFFER IS TREMENDOUS. THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD PEACE BE UPON HIM SUFFERED AS WELL.

    I mean the Prophet went from a NOBLE/WEALTHY BACKGROUND to being treated like filth, scum by all of his FAMILY. He was in a position to have everything: Leadership, Power, Women, Wealth, etc. And he did. He married one of the richest women in Mecca. HE LOST IT ALL for accepting the truth. JUST FOR ACCEPTING THE TRUTH, HE LOST HIS FAMILY, who loved him. He has to live with the knowledge that his FAMILY will be burning in the hell-fire. Who would want to live with this knowledge? Really how many of you want to know that your most beloved relative is burning in hell, and he did not know if he was in Paradise – technically speaking because Allah the Most High did criticize him for not doing dawah properly to the blind man.

    The Prophet Muhammad married. But reality is he ate so little that what sexual drive does one really have. He lived with the fear of Allah the Most High. That fear is enough to cripple a human being with the weight and pressure.

    The Prophet Muhammad was humilitated even after ascending to the HEAVENS. AFTER ASCENDING TO ALLAH and KNOWING (while we believe in the unseen) HE KNEW HEAVEN WAS REAL. GOING TO EARTH IS PURE PAIN FOR SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE HEAVEN EXISTS. Imagine, cold water, cold nights and HE KNEW HIS UMMAH WOULD HAVE ACCESS TO SO MUCH WEALTH, they would SQUANDER IT AWAY ON TALL BUILDINGS, HADITH ANGEL GABRIEL.

    EVERY DAY HE LIVED IN PAIN. INTELLECTUALLY, there is NO HUMAN on this EARTH who KNOWS THEY ARE GOING TO BE ADMITTED TO HEAVEN THAT WOULD EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER WANT TO endure another second of EARTH. I know most ignorant people claim everyone will get a great life in the hereafter and death is not a big deal, but the truth is NOT ALL OF US WILL ENTER PARADISE. THIS IS THE REALITY.

    I CAN”T COMPLAIN becasue the MOST POWERFUL, the MOST HIGH, the MOST MERCIFUL is above me and can easily, easily destroy me in the harshest of manners or grant me the GREATEST OF EASE like AYUB experienced.

    THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD SUFFERED THE MOST IN LIFE. HE KNEW, HE SAW PARADISE. HE KNEW ANGELS WERE REAL. HE WASN’T MAD, but HE HAD TO ENDURE EVERY PAIN IMAGINABLE including ABUSE. AND I AM NOT LYING. ANYONE WHO READS THE SEERAH or the QUR’AN and REALLY TRIES TO UNDERSTAND IT WILL REALIZE THE CREATOR is the LORD OF THE THRONE. HE WILL DO AS HE WILLS if that means suffering that Children of Israel received or give mercy numerously like he gave MARY.

    I cannot imagine or intellecutally grasp the agony Muhammad peace be upon him experienced.

    SUFFERING IN THIS LIFE and NOT KNOWING A HERE AFTER EXISTS where we will be judged is good enough. IF NOTHING IS SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN AFTER THIS LIFE where we will be judged by the Lord of the Throne, THE MOST MERCIFUl and there isn’t the prospect of ROASTING, BURNING, SCREAMING in Hell-Fire- what do you think you would want. The truth is the truth – an Afterlife exists.

    Muhammad peace be upon him KNEW THIS. THIS KNOWLEDGE on top of having to live and deal with PEOPLE, Life, Feeding himself etc in the DUNYA is more burden and pain then any human being can absorb except for the Best of Creation.

    I wish ALLAH THE MOST HIGH, AR-RAZAQ, THE MOST GENEROUS, THE GIVER OF PEACE, AS-Salam, THE MOST FORGIVING, THE MOST LOVING, shows each one of you a LITTLE mercy. JUST A LITTLE MERCY which is enough to MAKE YOU A KING, a QUEEN in this life. Just a drop of Mercy from Allah the MOST HIGH will make you righteous, wealthier, healthier, beautiful, patience, and dignified.

    ALLAH the MOST HIGH sprinkles just a tad of the mercy and you could be praying all your prayers, memorize all of the Qu’ran with meaning, be a multi-millionaire, more knowledgable than everyone and be righteous, generous.

    I desire for the Lord of the Worlds to say BE just to utter (non-anthropmorphic description) these blessing on me and all of you, and you will see! The most High is Allah, The most Generous, Ever-Providing, Eternal is Allah. Just hope and dua that the Lord of the Kursi, Throne, states Be with these blessing and it will come fast, not slow. It will come quicker than you can imagine because he is the Lord of the Worlds.

    Allah the MOST HIGH KNOWS EVERYTHING. IF I HAVE SPOKEN FALSEHOOD I HOPE THIS COMMENT IS REMOVED PERMANENTLY.

    • Avatar

      Siti

      March 2, 2015 at 10:30 PM

      @ rallyummah,

      Thank you for enlightening us and make us remember back how our prophet muhammad s.a.w suffered and endure it patiently. With your kind word i hope Allah is merciful to shower his mercy on those people who suffering right now be it either physically, mentally or emotionally. May Allah make our situation easier..Ameen

  58. Avatar

    Life

    August 18, 2015 at 10:58 AM

    Important article. I really liked the analytical and research put into this article. I was always confused about dua and how to deal properly with times when it’s too much but this article dealt with that question I’ve been thinking about for a while. Thank you!

  59. Avatar

    Islamic School

    December 14, 2015 at 12:20 AM

    MashaaAllah Great Information May Allah Help You Keep it Upp…

  60. Avatar

    Bilal

    February 8, 2016 at 9:09 PM

    I am currently suffering severe financial hardships by being denied my rights for a quick solution that is taking much longer than necessary to materialize regardless of my innocence and honesty. I have starved for the entire month of january until the present time because everyone who is supposed to help me became my enemies and there is no one left to rely on except allah. As a result I completely ran out of money and can’t cope anymore. However, does this mean that god has been allowing my circumstances to worsen this much because he considers me to be very pious or to elevate my status in the hereafter or to appreciate the times of ease he will grant me afterwards for being patient and steadfast? There may be other reasons, but I am confused and would appreciate some clarification. Thank you for being helpful.

    • Avatar

      Shawn Mathis Gilliam

      February 19, 2016 at 8:44 PM

      He offers no help to the pius, because he would rather give the money to the aborting the babies, and doing other crimes here in America.

  61. Avatar

    Whoman

    March 9, 2016 at 5:42 PM

    Did I hurt your Gods feeling, deleting my post shows how weak you and your faith.

  62. Avatar

    Anonymous

    April 18, 2016 at 6:40 PM

    I have suffered for over a decade. I m a loser, and a continous dissapointment. I have tried every single dua in the book. Every single type of pryer. Making dua constantly over and over again for years and years and not a single one has been fulfilled. Every person around me has gotten what they wanted while my life has sunk lower and lower as the years go by. Every time I try to rreaffirm my faith and pray even furtheur but it is useless. I have recieved nothng but pain and disappoitnment and my sorrow has turned into anger now . I can do nothing else but bemoan my situation to Allah. He hates me for some reason, I have been the only one I know who has even been slightly religious yet I again nothing at all. Even now I continue to pray after he has continuously brought grief upon me. I have no clue why he loathes me so much. Every single day so many duas, so many ayahs, so much time gone for this and still I suffer over and over again. Is he even listening, does he even care?
    And now just because I have snapped it means all those years of serving him have been wasted? What justice is this?

    • Avatar

      Aly Balagamwala

      April 22, 2016 at 3:23 AM

      Dear Anonymous

      Allah brings about some circumstances in your life, sometimes as a trial and mostly to prepare you for the journey ahead. I speak in this from experience. A couple years back my family and I were faced with some dire circumstances and it seemed like this was the end and everything had gone wrong etc. We turned towards prayer and it fortified us to face those circumstances and today Alhamdulillah we look back in amazement at how we have recovered from those circumstances. There is still lot of distance to cover and every day new challenges and hurdles crop up. Stay steadfast in the belief that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. We feel we have crossed our limit but believe me there is much reserve inside us to bear the pressure.

      Wallahi if you remain firm that Allah will guide you through these times and keep making the prayer Allahumma inni asaluka al-rida ba’d al-qadaa (Oh Allah I ask of you acceptance after the Decree) you will come out on the other side, spiritually and emotionally stronger in sha Allah.

      I pray that Allah makes things easier and strengthens your resolve and faith.

      WasSalamuAlaikum
      Aly

      *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*

  63. Avatar

    SR

    May 29, 2016 at 8:31 AM

    AoA. In times of distress I often find myself trying in desperation to find some wise words from somewhere that will lift me. Its is as if I expect (NZB) to find Allah on YouTube. What we all yearn for is for that comforting voice that our ears cannot hear, and that our hearts are not tuned to. I sometimes wish Allah would just once whisper to me “Don’t worry. All is well”. I have managed to distill my issues down to the simple idea that I get perturbed and anxious when I encounter problems that I do not have the capabilities to resolve. I guess that is the definition of a difficulty, and in writing this I can see that I am being shown my absolute helplessness. My catalogue of worries include business, financial, daughters’ in-laws, bereavement which left huge family, business, staff, financial problems, and little things that have always bugged me, like how to cope with confrontational situations. I sometimes wonder at the sublime orchestration of these, how they interweave and react with one another to create a cauldron of worry and fear at what will happen. There is also of course the question of ones personal traits. I am an introvert with perfectionist tendencies, which means I have a propensity to over think about how to resolve matters, and this increases my anxiety. Sometimes my dua is simply to ask Allah to tell/show me what to do. At my lowest point I feel angry and disappointed with myself for thinking ill of my situation, and although I don’t directly blame Allah, I do find myself thinking that I am i the duniya through no choice of my own, and I would like to fast forward to the next phase. I feel down because I judge myself to have failed whatever test it was. When I turn to the masjid, there is actually very little said about the human condition, and how to deal with worries. I found it very interesting when I heard that after the passing of Hazrat Khatija (RA) our Nabi (SAW) was sad and at something of a low point himself. May Allah forgive me if this is not true, but it does nonetheless make me feel better that sadness is a necessary emotion we have to suffer for our ultimate betterment. As I sit here today I have come to a decision on how to tackle one nightmare, and my only hope is that Allah puts authority in my words way beyond my station. When I hear people say difficulties make us stronger for what is to come, that actually makes me feel more anxious at the thought “Oh great, you mean there is worse to come?”. Many a time I cried “All I want is to be left alone” – this is a universal cry, but clearly a flawed wish – we are here for a reason, and Allah will show His Mercy. For all the brothers and sisters who have posted here with problems I will make dua for you all (as a whole) and for myself.

  64. Avatar

    HK

    June 2, 2016 at 9:07 PM

    BHNR -Very will written every one gave the best explanation but my shikwa is not answered. I have seen very closely people and children are suffering from Hungar does not matter they are Muslims or non Muslim. The may be worshipping same God in a different way. The hungry children are being tested. Allah gave me a chance personally did lot of effort. But it is such a big problem only Allah can bless them and us.

    bhuukhe bachcho.n kii tasallii ke liye
    maa.N ne phir paanii pakaayaa der tak –by a poet

  65. Avatar

    sabina

    June 28, 2016 at 1:02 PM

    Very inspiring
    Please do remember that we are muslims are not permitted to curse anyone. Moreover, if some child or women is suffering then we should go and help them instead of blaming God’s ways. If some injustice is done then we should raise our voice and stand by the victim. We should not forget the way muhajrin of mecca were welcomed and treated. God has given us this duty to reach out to those who are passing through a tough time. We are going to be answerable for this on day of judgment.
    Allah says in Quran: No matter of which religion, sect, colour or language if a man believes in One God and does good deeds , on Day of Judgment he will fear nothing.
    And good deeds are helping those who need us because in fact we will be saving their faith in God.
    Thanks Aishah. Your this article is a blessing for me

  66. Avatar

    Kate

    July 31, 2016 at 4:31 AM

    I’m going through the same thing right now and have been for a couple of years actually. My bitterness towards God has lead me to be scared to praying or turning to him cos I fear that worse will happen. It’s so bizzare. From someone that found comfort in the Lord…I now feel distress and betrayal. Perhaps it is my journey but surely our journey cannot be constant problems!! I can’t remember the last time I had a period where I was happy…content. I see people around me bobbing on by and not going g through the the hardships that I have faced and am facing. They are unwarranted and i have lost hope in God, humanity and for someone that was so positive and trusted in the Lord- its almost like he wants me to feel this way. I agree that trials make you stronger but what if trials are pointing you in a direction that you don’t want to go? My anger and bitterness towards Him has never been as bad as it is now and itsave comforting to know that some have gone through this and come out the other side. Is there anything I can do to change how I’m feeling? Sometimes I do feel like I need something to blame – so I blame the almighty.

    Thanks

  67. Avatar

    Buraq

    October 18, 2016 at 7:53 AM

    Hi
    I have the feeling that Allah wants to forsake my worldly life to the other life.
    I am inflicted with an unsolved disease that left me starving for a couple of years, then I was able to eat better than before but my short term memory declined leaving me unable to do my studies and left me completely alone. I lost all my friends because I couldn’t join any of their activities.
    Now I am struggling with both. I improved my relationship with Allah but I am drained of energy to make myself believe that things will get better in the light of an approaching collapse of my career. Whenever I submit to Allah full heartedly my symptoms become worse although I can keep a positive attitude towards Allah.

    In your text above you say Allah tests according to one’s faith. So when my faith becomes stronger I will be tested harder but when my faith weakens I will be tested less?

    That is exactly how I feel. Allah may be thinking I may earn a better ahirah but completely destroy my hopes of having a halfway decent life with a little money a little food a family and a working body and brain.

    I could be holding on more perhaps but the people around me, my family who still takes care of me due to my weakened body and mind grow impatient unhappy as if I caused my situation.

    I spent a lot of time being a good submissive soft hearted servant trying to improve every aspect of my life but it’s just not enough to satisfy my Lord.

    In the light of crushing pressures from people who don’t understand what I am going through and the pressure from not being able to finish my studies thus not being able to earn money myself due to forgetfulness that leaves me almost fully incompetent doing even easy tasks my bare survival instinct tells me I really am alone even if Allah watches me.

    I am 24 and have nothing left. Truly sad that Allah leaves me alone in desperation lacking human contact and proper support from people.

    What does Allah want from me?

  68. Avatar

    sanim

    December 11, 2016 at 11:24 AM

    the reality is very cruel. if you believe in Allah he has nothing to do with you and he is not going to help you.its the main thing. you see many thousand man at home or hospital suffering from unbearable disease, if that man call allah to relieve him for 1 minute from that disease, allah dont. but if you get some success everyone and allah himself will says he gave u that success. u you become dangerously ill allah will says that is caused by u though u are Not responsible for that. make dua to allah totally useless and ofcourse dangerous bcz it drive u from allah if it not accepted. if u have a unbearable disease and u commit suicide u will go to hell according to allah!! but this same allah dont help u to remedy or make this disease in bearable condition. i am a sufferer and i have no remedy. i made dua to allah but is is fruitless and i think if i pray to him until death he will not make a little mercy to me . i am suffering from 9 yrs!!! and not a single hour allah get relief me from this hell. the cruel world and cruel god!!

  69. Avatar

    Nakhuta

    January 1, 2017 at 4:38 AM

    Salam
    I am also going through very difficult times since i remember i have always facing hardships or punishment i guess because i am not a very good muslim , but from few years i am trying to be a good muslims ans still same .My life is getting more difficult. I lost my mother when i was 9 years old since than i hardly ever smiled life was like hell when my mom was gone i cried so much that i got sick it took 2 years to get better than i barely finished college and got married and i thought maybe i will have a happy life now but worst was about to come ,my husband hated me he was in love with someone else but never told anyone and married me because of family pressure we had no life for one year he toured me by saying i hate you go away and i was only 18 living with my in laws. I tried talking to my family but nobody cares after you married finally after a year my husband slowly accepted me and things got little better but i wasn’t able to convince so i tried all the treatment and 6 years pass by but no baby finally we decided to adopt and i was so happy the day i saw that little munchkin he is 8 now with lots of problems i knew something was wrong when he was one.He is Autistic and bipolar and have more issues that i am trying to fight alone because my husband tells me everyday that it is my mistake that i adopted this kid I love this kid and i am trying to help him as much as i can but i might have to get divorce as my husband and his family can’t accept him and they want me to leave this kid, please pray for me i am a mom how can i leave this kid dosent matter he is adopted he us mine how can a mother leave a child. I just found out i was pregnant for the first time in 10 years so i forgot about everything but off course i had to see more in this life by 9 weeks ultrasound they saw baby in tube with heartbeat so they had to take out the baby . I only ask Allah to give me strength and help me with my 8 year old so i can do everything on my own because i am filling for divorce. Please pray for me everyone.

  70. Avatar

    Abdul Rahman

    January 25, 2017 at 8:26 AM

    Excellent article. May Allah (swt) reward you for your effort in this regard.

  71. Avatar

    random

    May 28, 2018 at 12:15 AM

    I was trying to look for an article where a person has a difficult time overcoming anger towards someone instead of Allah. I am battling with that. I fully understand and believe that every single person is tested by Allah in this world. And I also understand that Allah never burdens a soul more than what it can bear. My belief also reminds me that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. But my issue is that at the time of any test or trial or tribulation, I start to question my situation, I start to blame myself and situation. I start to feel so worthless and undeserving. It makes me so angry. I am assuming that’s also considered being angry towards Allah. Although I come out of it, but my first response has always been anger. I hate it so much, because what’s the point of knowing when I fail to apply it at times of hardship.
    I realise my mistake of having this natural response and then feel guilty that I just failed my test by showing anger instead of staying patience. I really pray to Allah that He gives me strength and have His mercy upon me and may He help me to learn to stay calm and be patient at times of suffering and hardship, ameen. And I pray the same for all my brothers and sisters in Islam, ameen

    Please anyone out there feeling that our sufferings are real, and what about those kids or those who’ve done nothing to go through trials that they are going through. Please realise that Allah tests everyone, every single soul on this earth will be tested. We will always come across someone whose situation is a lot worse than ours and they didn’t deserve to be in it, and yet they are suffering, but that’s only Allah who knows best. Life is not always going to be all happy and piece of cake, it will be hit with the worse possible storms just to prepare us for the next life. Whether we like it or not, whether we deserve it or not, we will all be tested, even the ones who seem to be living the best possible life with every single blessing, even they are being tested with the utmost blessings in ways we cannot even imagine. So we shouldn’t think that calamity befalls on us and that’s the only way we’re being tested. If we argue about deserving a bad situation, then there should’ve been NO prophet that should’ve been put into situations that they were put into. They’re the people of paradise, their belief in Allah was so strong that some of them stood alone while everyone rejected Allah and them as prophets, and Allah tested them with the worst possible calamities, and we think our trials, or our muslim brothers and sisters are being tested when they don’t deserve to be tested.
    May Allah protect us all, and may Allah help us stay clam and patient during trials, ameen.

  72. Avatar

    Abdullah

    September 7, 2018 at 3:02 PM

    May Allah swt bless you and your family. very good article about decision making on time of trials

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#Society

MuslimARC Releases Guide for White Muslims By White Muslims

The author of the MuslimARC Guide writes an introduction

Bill Chambers

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“As people who are both white and Muslim, we straddle two identities -one privileged in society and the other, not. We experience Islamophobia to varying degrees, sometimes more overtly depending on how we physically present, and at the same time we have been socialized as white people in a society where white people hold more social power than People of Color (POC). The focus of the toolkit is to provide resources and information that will help guide us toward good practices and behaviours, and away from harmful ones, as we challenge racism within the Muslim community (ummah) and in society at large.” MuslimARC Guide 

As part of our mission to provide education and resources to advance racial justice within the Muslim community, the Muslim Anti-Racism Collaborative (MuslimARC) is producing a series of community-specific guides to be a resource for those who want to engage in anti-racism work within Muslim communities.

The first in this series, the Anti-Racism Guide for White Muslims, has been written specifically for white Muslims, by white Muslims under the guidance of the anti-racist principles of MuslimARC. While white Muslims know that Islamically we are required to stand for justice, growing up in a society that is so racially unequal has meant that unless we seek to actively educate ourselves, we typically have not been provided the tools to effectively talk about and address racism.

The Anti-Racism Guide for White Muslims is a tool and resource that speaks to specific needs of white Muslims who are navigating the process of deepening their understanding of racism and looking for concrete examples of how, from their specific social location, they can contribute to advancing anti-racism in Muslim communities. The Guide also addresses views and practices that inadvertently maintain the status quo of racial injustice or can actually reproduce harm, which we must tackle in ourselves and in our community in order to effectively contribute to uprooting racism.

The Guide was developed by two white Muslim members of MuslimARC, myself (Bill Chambers) and Lindsay Angelow. The experiences, approaches, recommendations, and resources are based upon our own experiences, those of other white Muslims we have encountered or spoken to, and research and analysis by others who have been cited in the Guide.

As white people, we are not always aware when we say or write something that reflects our often narrow analysis of racism and need to be open to feedback from Muslims of Color. My own personal process of helping to develop this Guide made me aware of the many times I was in discussions with Muslims of Color, especially women, when I had reflect better upon the privilege I experience as a white person and also the white male privilege that comes with it. It is difficult not to feel defensive when you realize you may have said too much and listened too little on a topic that is really not about you.

Talking about racism is a hard topic and we anticipate that for many white Muslims reading the Guide, there may be a feeling of defensiveness and having difficulty learning from the examples given because you feel that the examples don’t apply to you. You may feel the need to call to attention the various forms of injustice you feel you have experienced in your life, for example where you felt like an outsider as a convert in Muslim community. Our advice is to recognize that those reactions are related to living in a society where we are very much shielded from having to deeply understand racism and examining our role in it. In the spirit of knowledge seeking, critical thinking, and the call to justice communicated to us in the Qur’an as expectations that Allah has of Muslims, we must push past those reactions and approach the subject matter in the spirit of knowledge, skill-seeking, and growth.

“People, We have created you all from a single man and a single woman, and made you into races and tribes so that you should get to know one another (49:13).” One of our most important purposes is to really “get to know” one another, build just and loving communities together, all the time knowing we all come from the same source and will return together. If this Guide does anything, let it inspire a deeper understanding of our unique identity as white Muslims and how to use it to advance a more just society.

You can find the  #AntiRacismGuide for White Muslims at http://www.muslimarc.org/whitemuslimguide

Further reading:

White Activism Is Crucial In The Wake of Right-Wing Terrorism

Beyond Muslim Diversity to Racial Equity

Continue Reading

#Life

Are You Prepared for Marriage and Building a Family?

Mona Islam

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High School is that time which is ideal for preparing yourself for the rest of your life. There is so much excitement and opportunity. Youth is a time of energy, growth, health, beauty, and adventure. Along with the thrill of being one of the best times of life, there is a definite lack of life experience. In your youth, you end up depending on your own judgments as well as the advice of others who are further along the path. Your own judgments usually come from your own knowledge, assumptions, likes, and dislikes. No matter how wise, mature, or well-intended a youth is compared to his or her peers, the inherent lack of life experience can also mislead that person to go down a path which is not serving them or their loved ones best. A youth may walk into mistakes without knowing, or get themselves into trouble resulting from naivety.

Salma and Yousef: 

Salma and Yousef had grown up in the same community for many years. They had gone to the same masjid and attended youth group together during high school. After going off to college for a few years, both were back in town and found that they would make good prospects for marriage for each other. Yousef was moving along his career path, and Salma looked forward to her new relationship. Yousef was happy to settle down. The first few months after marriage were hectic: getting a new place, organizing, managing new jobs and extended family. After a few months, they began to wonder when things would settle down and be like the vision they had about married life.

Later with valuable life experience, we come to realize that the ideas we had in our youth about marriage and family are far from what are they are in reality. The things that we thought mattered in high school, may not matter as much, and the things that we took for granted really matter a lot more than we realized. In retrospect, we learn that marriage is not simply a door that we walk through which changes our life, but something that each young Muslim and Muslima should be preparing for individually through observation, introspection, and reflection. In order to prepare for marriage, each person must intend to want to be the best person he or she can be in that role. There is a conscious process that they must put themselves through.

This conscious process should begin in youth. Waiting until marriage to start this process is all too late. We must really start preparing for marriage as a conscious part of our growth, self-development, and character building from a young age. The more prepared we are internally, the better off we will be in the process of marriage. The best analogy would be the stronger the structure and foundation of a building, the better that building will be able to serve its purpose and withstand the environment. Another way to think of this process is like planting a seed. We plant a seed long before the harvest, but the more time, care, and attention, the more beautiful and beneficial the fruits will be.

 

Sarah and Hasan:

Hasan grew up on the East Coast. He had gone to boarding school all through high school, especially since his parents had died in an unfortunate accident. His next of kin was his aunt and uncle, who managed his finances, and cared for him when school was not in session. Hasan was safe and comfortable with his aunt and uncle, but he always felt there was something missing in his life. During his college years, Hasan was introduced to Sarah and eventually they decided to get married.

The first week of his new job, Hasan caught a really bad case of the flu that made it hard for him to get his projects done. Groggy in bed, he sees Sarah appear with a tray of soup and medicine every day until he felt better. Nobody had ever done that for him before. He remembered the “mawaddah and rahmah” that the Quran spoke of.

Knowledge, Skills, and Understanding:

The process of growing into that person who is ready to start a family is that we need to first to be aware of ourselves and be aware of others around us. We have to have knowledge of ourselves and our environment. With time, reflection and life experience, that knowledge activates into understanding and wisdom. This activity the ability to make choices between right and wrong, and predict how our actions will affect others related to us.

Preview:

This series is made up of several parts which make up a unit about preparation for family life. Some of the topics covered include:

  • The Family Unit In Islam
  • Characteristics of an Individual Needed for Family Life
  • The Nuclear Family
  • The Extended Family

Hamza and Tamika

Tamika and Hamza got married six months ago. Tamika was getting her teacher certification in night school and started her first daytime teaching job at the local elementary school. She was shocked at the amount of energy it took to manage second graders. She thought teaching was about writing on a board and reading books to kids, but found out it had a lot more to do with discipline, speaking loudly, and chasing them around. This week she had state testing for the students and her finals at night school. She was not sure how to balance all this with her new home duties. One day feeling despair, she walked in her kitchen and found a surprise. Hamza had prepared a beautiful delicious dinner for them that would last a few days, and the home looked extra clean too. Tamika was pleasantly surprised and remembered the example of our Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him).

The Family Unit in Islam

We always have to start with the beginning. We have to ask, “What is the family unit in Islam?” To answer this we take a step further back, asking, “What is the world-wide definition of family? Is it the same for all people? Of course not. “Family” means a lot of different things to a lot of different people across the world. As Muslims, what family means to us, is affected by culture and values, as well as our own understanding of Islam.

The world-wide definition of family is a group of people who are related to each other through blood or marriage. Beyond this point, is where there are many differences in views. Some people vary on how distantly related to consider a family. In some cultures, family is assumed to be only the nuclear family, consisting of mom dad and kids only. Other cultures assume family includes an extended family. Another large discrepancy lies in defining family roles and responsibilities. Various cultures promote different behavioral norms for different genders or roles in the family. For example, some cultures promote women staying at home in a life of luxury, while others esteem women joining the workforce while raising their kids on the side. Living styles vary too, where some cultures prefer individual family homes, while in other parts of the world extended families live together in large buildings always interacting with each other.

 

Layla and Ibrahim   

Layla and Ibrahim met at summer retreat where spirituality was the focus, and scholars were teaching them all day. Neither of them was seriously considering getting married, but one of the retreat teachers thought they might make a good match. It seemed like a fairytale, and the retreat gave them an extra spiritual high. Layla could not imagine anything going wrong. She was half Italian and half Egyptian, and Ibrahim came from a desi family. Soon after the nikah, Layla moved across the country into Ibrahim’s family home, where his parents, three siblings, and grandmother lived.  Come Ramadan, Layla’s mother-in-law, Ruqayya, was buying her new clothes to wear to the masjid. It was out of love, but Sarah had never worn a shalwar kameez in all her life! Ruqayya Aunty started getting upset when Layla was not as excited about the clothes as she was.

As Eid approached, Layla had just picked a cute dress from the department store that she was looking forward to wearing. Yet again, her mother-in-law had other plans for her.

Layla was getting upset inside. It was the night before Eid and the last thing she wanted to do was fight with her new husband. She did not want that stress, especially because they all lived together. At this point, Layla started looking through her Islamic lecture notes. She wanted to know, was this request from her mother-in-law a part of the culture, or was it part of the religion?

Marriage

The basis of all families, undoubtedly, is the institution of marriage. In the Islamic model, the marriage consists of a husband and a wife. In broad terms, marriage is the commitment of two individuals towards each other and their children to live and work together to meet and support each other’s needs in the way that they see fit. What needs they meet vary as well, from person to person, and family to family. The marriage bond must sustain the weight of fulfilling first their own obligations toward each other. This is the priority. The marriage must also be strong enough to hold the responsibility of raising the kids, and then the extended family.

How are we as Muslims unique and what makes us different from other family models? We are responsible to Allah. The end goals are what makes us different, and the method in which we work. In other family systems, beliefs are different, goals are different, and the motives are different. Methods can especially be different. In the end, it is quite a different system. What makes us better? Not because we say we are better or because we automatically feel better about ourselves due to a misplaced feeling of superiority. But instead it is because we are adhering to the system put in place by the most perfect God, Allah, the Creator and Sustainer of all the worlds, the One Who knows best what it is we need.

Family Roles:

Each person in the family has a role which Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has meant for them to have, and which ethics and common sense tell us to follow. However, our nafs and ego can easily misguide us to live our family life in the wrong way, which is harmful and keeps us suffering. Suffering can take place in many ways. It can take place in the form of neglect or abuse. In the spectrum of right and wrong, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) tells us that we are a nation meant for the middle path. So we should not go to any extreme in neglect or abuse.

What are the consequences of mishandling our family roles? Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) calls this type of wrongdoing “transgression” or “oppression”. There are definitely consequences of oppression, abuse, and neglect. There are worldly consequences which we feel in this life, and there are long term consequences in the Akhirah.

Razan and Farhaan

Razan and Farhan had gotten married two years ago. Since they were from different towns, Razan would have to move to Farhaan’s hometown. On top of the change of married life, Razan felt pangs of homesickness and did not know many people in the new town. However, Farhaan did not realize what she was going through. He still had the same friends he grew up with for years. They had a die-hard routine to go to football games on Friday night and play basketball on Saturday at the rec center.

Razan was losing her patience. How could he think it was okay to go out with his friends twice on the weekend? Yet he expected her to keep the home together? Her blood started to boil. What does Islam say about this?

Mawaddah and Rahma

The starting point of a family is a healthy relationship between the husband and wife. Allah SWT prescribed in Surah 25: verse 74, that the marriage relationship is supposed to be built on Mawaddah (compassion) and Rahma (mercy). A loving family environment responds to both the needs of the children and the needs of parents. Good parenting prepares children to become responsible adults.

Aliyaah and Irwan

Aliyaah and Irwan had homeschooled their twin children, Jannah and Omar, for four years. They were cautious about where to admit their children for the next school year. Aliyaah felt that she wanted to homeschool her children for another few years. There were no Islamic Schools in their town. Irwan wanted to let his kids go to public schools. He felt that was nothing wrong with knowing how things in the real world are. However, every conversation they started about this issue ended up into a conflict or fight. This was beginning to affect their relationship.

Parenting

Two significant roles that adults in a family play are that they are married and they are parents. It is important that parents work to preserve and protect their marital relationship since it is really the pillar which supports the parenting role. Parenting is a role which Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) directly addresses in our religion. We will be asked very thoroughly about this most important role which we will all play in our lives.

There is a hadith in which the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) reminds us,

“All of you are shepherds and responsible for your wards under you care. The imam is the shepherd of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is a shepherd of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for it. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s belongings and is responsible for them. A man is the shepherd of his father’s property and is responsible for them”. (Bukhari and Muslim)

Islam has placed a lot of importance on the family unit. A family is the basic building block of Islam. A strong family can facilitate positive social change within itself and the society as a whole. The Quran asserts that human beings are entrusted by their Creator to be his trustees on Earth, thus they need to be trained and prepared for the task of trusteeship (isthiklaf).

Asa youth, it is important to make a concerted effort to develop our family skills so that we grow into that role smoothly. Proper development will prepare a person emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically for marriage and family life.

Mona Islam is a youth worker, community builder, motivational speaker, writer, and author. For the past 25 years, Sr. Mona has been on the forefront of her passion both locally and nationally, which is inculcating character development in youth (tarbiyah).  Sr. Mona has extensive knowledge of Islamic sciences through the privilege of studying under many scholars and traveling worldwide.  An educator by profession, she is a published author, completed her masters in Educational Admin and currently doing her doctorate in Curriculum and Instruction. Sr. Mona is married with five children and lives in Houston, TX.

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Emotional Intelligence: A Tool for Change  

Imam Mikaeel Smith

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Why do we consider emotional intelligence to be half of the Prophetic intellect? The answer lies in the word “messenger.” Messengers of Allah are tasked with the divine responsibility of conveying to humanity the keys to their salvation. They are not only tasked with passing on the message but also with being a living example of that message.

When ʿĀʾishah, the wife of the Prophet ﷺ, was asked to explain the character of the blessed Prophet ﷺ, her reply was, “His character was the Qurʾān.[1]” We are giving emotional intelligence a place of primacy in the construct of Prophetic intelligence because it seems implausible that Allah would send a messenger without providing that messenger with the means necessary to exemplify and transmit the message to others. If the Prophets of Allah did not have the necessary knowledge and skills needed to successfully pass on the message to the next generation, the argument would be incomplete. People could easily excuse themselves of all accountability because the message was never conveyed.

We also see clear examples in the Qur’ān that this knowledge was being perpetually perfected in the character of the Prophet ﷺ. Slight slips in his Emotional Intelligence were rare, but when they did occur, Allah gently addressed the mistake by means of revelation. Allah says in the Qurʾān, “If you (O Muḥammad) were harsh and hardhearted, then the people would flee from you.” This verse clearly placed the burden of keeping an audience upon the shoulders of the Prophet ﷺ. What this means is that the Prophet ﷺ had to be aware of what would push people away; he had to know what would create cognitive and emotional barriers to receptivity. When we study the shamāʾil (books about his character), we find that he was beyond exceptional in his ability to make people receptive. He took great care in studying the people around him and deeply understanding them. Only after the Prophet ﷺ had exhausted all the means of removing barriers to receptivity would the responsibility to affirm the message be shifted to those called to it.

Another example of this Prophetic responsibility can be found in the story of Prophet Mūsa when he was commissioned to call Pharaoh and the children of Israel to Allah. When Allah informed him of the task he was chosen for, he immediately attempted to excuse himself because he had a slight speech impediment. He knew that his speech impediment could potentially affect the receptivity of people to the message. He felt that this disqualified him from being a Prophet. He also felt that the act of manslaughter he committed might come between the people and guidance. All of these examples show that Allah’s Prophets understood that many factors can affect a person’s receptivity to learning something new, especially when the implications of that new information call into question almost every aspect of a person’s identity. History tells us that initially, people did not accept the message of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ; they completely rejected him and accused him of being a liar.

One particular incident shows very clearly that he ﷺ understood how necessary it was for him to remove any cognitive or emotional barriers that existed between him and his community. When the people of his hometown of Makkah had almost completely rejected him, he felt that it was time to turn his attention to a neighboring town. The city of Ṭā’if was a major city and the Prophet ﷺ was hopeful that perhaps they would be receptive to the message. Unfortunately, they completely rejected him and refused to even listen to what he had to say. They chased him out of town, throwing stones at him until his injuries left him completely covered in blood. Barely making it outside the city, the Prophet ﷺ collapsed. Too weak to move, he turned his attention to his Lord and made one of the most powerful supplications made by a Prophet of Allah.

اللهم إليك أشكو ضعف قوتي، وقلة حيلتي، وهواني على الناس، يا أرحم الراحمين، أنت أنت رب المستضعفين وأنت ربي، إلى من تكلني؟ إلى عدو يتجهمني؟ أو إلى قريب ملكته أمري؟ إن لم يكن بك علي غضب فلا أبالي، غير أن عافيتك أوسع لي، أعوذ بنور وجهك الذي أشرقت له الظلمات، وصلح عليه أمر الدنيا والآخرة، من أن ينزل بي غضبك، أو يحل علي سخطك، لك العتبى حتى ترضى، ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بك”

“Oh Allah, only to You do I complain about my lack of strength, my insufficient strategies, and lowliness in the sight of the people. You are my Lord. To whom do you turn me over? Someone distant from me who will forsake me? Or have you placed my affair in the hands of my enemy? [2]

The Prophet ﷺ felt that he was the reason why the people were not accepting the message. His concern that “my low status in the eyes of the people,” informs us that he understood that people naturally judge the seriousness of a message based on the stature of the message bearer. The people of Ṭā’if were extremely ignorant, so much that they adamantly refused to enter into any dialogue. In reality, this was not due to any shortcoming of the Prophet ﷺ; he demonstrated the best of character and displayed extreme patience in the face of such ignorance. But the beginning of the supplication teaches us what he was focused on: making sure that he was not the reason why someone did not accept the message.

Because his message was not geographically restricted like that of other Prophets, those who inherited the message would have the extra burden of transferring the message to a people with whom they were unfamiliar. The intelligence needed to pass the message of the Prophet Muḥammad ﷺ around the world included an understanding of the cultural differences that occur between people. Without this understanding effective communication and passing on of his message would be impossible.

A sharp Emotional Intelligence is built upon the development of both intra- and interpersonal intelligence. These intelligences are the backbone of EQ and they provide a person with emotional awareness and understanding of his or her own self, an empathic understanding of others, and the ability needed to communicate effectively and cause change. Emotional Intelligence by itself is not sufficient for individual reform or societal reform; instead, it is only one part of the puzzle. The ʿaql or intellect that is referenced repeatedly in the Qurʾān is a more comprehensive tool that not only recognizes how to understand the psychological and emotional aspects of people but recognizes morally upright and sound behavior. After that this intellect, if healthy and mature, forces a person to conform to that standard. Therefore, we understand the ʿaql to be a comprehensive collection of intelligences analogous to Howard Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences theory.

Taking into consideration the extreme diversity found within Western Muslim communities, we see how both Moral Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence are needed. Fostering and nurturing healthy communities requires that we understand how people receive our messages. This is the interpersonal intelligence aspect of EQ. Without grounding the moral component of our community, diversity can lead to what some contemporary moral theorists call moral plasticity, a phenomenon where concrete understandings of good and evil, right and wrong, are lost. Moral Education (Moral Education, which will be discussed throughout the book, is the process of building a Morally Intelligent heart) focuses on correcting the message that we are communicating to the world; in other words, Moral Intelligence helps us maintain our ideals and live by them, while Emotional Intelligence ensures that the message is effectively communicated to others.

My father would often tell me, “It’s not what you say, son; it’s what they hear.”

Interpersonal understanding is the core of emotional intelligence. My father would often tell me, “It’s not what you say, son; it’s what they hear.” From the perspective of Emotional Intelligence, this statement is very accurate. The way we interpret words, body language, verbal inflections, and facial expressions is based on many different factors. The subtle power of this book lies in the simple fact that your emotional intelligence is the primary agent of change and thus the most powerful force you have. You must understand how people perceive what you are communicating to them. What is missing from my father’s statement is the primacy of Moral Intelligence. Throughout this book, I attempt to show how the Prophet Muḥammad ﷺ demonstrated a level of perfection of both of these intelligences.

*With the Heart in Mind is available for pre-order at https://www.qalam.foundation/qalambooks/with-the-heart-in-mind

[1]Bayhaqī, Shuʿb al-ʾĪmān, vol. 3, p. 23.

[2] Ibn Kathir, al-Bidāyah wa al-Nihāyah, vol. 3, p. 136.

 

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