Connect with us

Fiction

Just For Laughs

Published

JustForLaughsWhy I Should Not Be Allowed To Write Poetry, Ever

Modern Wahhabi, socialist Jihadi
Whatcha gonna call me now?
Imma break past those labels – stupid labels
Destroy those stereotype fables
You ain’t gonna chain me down
I won’t let you make me drown
In them murky dirty scummy pools
of sectarianism, division
This Ummah don’t need no more fools

Keep supporting MuslimMatters for the sake of Allah

Alhamdulillah, we're at over 850 supporters. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Zainab bint Younus (AnonyMouse) is a Canadian Muslim woman who writes on Muslim women's issues, gender related injustice in the Muslim community, and Muslim women in Islamic history. She holds a diploma in Islamic Studies from Arees University, a diploma in History of Female Scholarship from Cambridge Islamic College, and has spent the last fifteen years involved in grassroots da'wah. She was also an original founder of MuslimMatters.org.

35 Comments

35 Comments

  1. iMuslim

    February 2, 2008 at 11:40 AM

    That was more like a rap… i’d like to see you perform it. One for the Halal Mix Tape Vol II? ;)

    I liked it though, masha’Allah :D

  2. Irum Sarfaraz

    February 2, 2008 at 11:44 AM

    Very nice indeed. I especially like term ‘modern wahhabis’ ! Very ‘cool’ ! Now we can look the ‘progressive’ Muslims in the eyes and say, ‘Whatcha gonna say to that Mister?!’

  3. WM

    February 2, 2008 at 12:01 PM

    You’re right. This kind of stuff shouldn’t be allowed.

    :)

  4. Samir

    February 2, 2008 at 1:36 PM

    LOL. MashAllah. That was some good stuff, but disappointingly short, and I agree with iMuslim’s suggestion.

  5. TheSussist

    February 2, 2008 at 2:27 PM

    2/10

  6. MR

    February 2, 2008 at 2:42 PM

    Anonymouse in the house!

    hahaha

    Halal Mix Tape Volume 1

  7. AnonyMouse

    February 2, 2008 at 3:05 PM

    I guess I was channelling my inner (halaal) rapper that day :D

    “Disappointingly short”? I think some would agree that it’s not short enough (right, Sussist?)! ;)

  8. AnonyMouse

    February 2, 2008 at 3:21 PM

    And hey, if someone *does* want to try performing it, just for the heck of it, give it a shot!
    MR, you think you got the skillz to do it? (Just try not to butcher my baby, please!)
    :D

  9. iMuslim

    February 2, 2008 at 3:35 PM

    Suggestion… make:

    “This Ummah don’t need any more fools”

    into

    “This Ummah don’t need no more fools”

    It sounds mo’ gangsta yo… ahem. *cheesy grin*

  10. theManOfFewWords

    February 2, 2008 at 6:43 PM

    Socialist jihadi? That one is new to me. Those two dont exactly mix.

  11. AnonyMouse

    February 2, 2008 at 6:58 PM

    @ socialist Jihadi
    It’s always good to try new things :)

  12. Amad

    February 2, 2008 at 7:04 PM

    i actually really enjoyed the poem… it was all cheezy but what would you expect from a mouse???

  13. Samir

    February 2, 2008 at 7:55 PM

    And how on earth did this argument start from a simple and funny poem lol?

  14. aadil

    February 2, 2008 at 8:07 PM

    haha!

    honestly no idea. Anyhow this poem/rap could quickly increase its street cred by replacing fools with foolz, labels with labelz etc.

    Zs (or Zeds for the brits/desi fobs) are always more Thug-like.

  15. abu ameerah

    February 2, 2008 at 8:58 PM

    two points:

    1. the poem reads like a bad Native Deen rap song…

    2. didn’t the jihadis kill the socialists? i mean…wasn’t that afghanistan 1979-1989 was all about?

    …a socialist-jihadi is kinda like being a religious-nihilist…just don’t mix

  16. iMuslim

    February 3, 2008 at 12:53 AM

    I think you’re missing the point… the poem/rap is taking the mick (aka “satirizing”) the current media phenomenon of making up gibberish labels for different groups of Muslims.

    I still don’t know what an “Islamist” is!

    At least that’s my take on it… :)

  17. iMuslim

    February 3, 2008 at 12:56 AM

    Btw, i do think that this rap (yes, it’s now officially a rap, and not a poem/rap) is incomplete.

    I demandz some mo’ verses yo!

    Maybe the MM “crew” could add to it? Writers and readers!

  18. Abs

    February 3, 2008 at 3:09 AM

    Haha I like it!

  19. theManOfFewWords

    February 3, 2008 at 4:11 AM

    See that’s exactly what I mean, the mujahideen fought the socialists in Afghanistan thats why it doesnt work.

    Let’s do some editing after all a poem need not be a static thing!

    “Modern wahabi, EXTREMIST jihadi” or
    “Modern wahabi, ISLAMIST jihadi” maybe
    “Modern wahabi, FLATULENT jihadi” though that last one should be used carefully. :)

  20. theManOfFewWords

    February 3, 2008 at 4:21 AM

    Ha ha … I was thinking about that last line about the flatulent jihadi and honestly if you are thinking of trying something different that would surely win an award for being different.

    So much potential. Imagine if the poem is adapted to a movie about a jihadi who must struggle to overcome a vicious technologically superior enemy against impossible odds while struggling against his excessive flatulence.

    Im sorry im sure this isnt what you expected. You probably wanted some poetic criticism or something. Well here’s my 2 cents dont take it personally.

    I liked it and it was catchy but the whole socialist thing should really be replaced. As you can see it distracts from the poem. Dont repeat “… labels – stupid labels” no real reason for that it doesnt accomplish anything and makes it sound a lil childish complaint.

    I wont let you make me drown sounds like a really contrived attempt at rhyming with “down.” Like i said dont take it personally other than that the poem has a lot of great potential. Inshallah i hope to see it posted up with some super revisions.

  21. theManOfFewWords

    February 3, 2008 at 4:23 AM

    whoops, looks like what i posted before this post never made it on the site which means that the beginning of the post is incomprehensible. What i was doing was recommending words instead of socialist jihadi. They were: islamist, extremist or flatulent. Hardy har har yes i know … but it would have been funnier had this not been an explanation of another post. AAAAAAANYWAY ….

  22. me

    February 3, 2008 at 6:50 AM

    Bin laden didnt blow up the projects!
    It was u Nigga!
    Tell the Truth Nigga!
    Bush knocked down the towers!
    Bush knocked Down the towers!

    lyrics:Mos Def

    guys this is prolly the best rap song ever..check it on U tube!!!IT ROOOOOOOOOOOX!!!!!! :) lov u mos def!may Allah bless ya nigga

  23. me

    February 3, 2008 at 6:52 AM

    before u guys jump me..the word nigga said by me has no racist connotations..its bein said outta LUv for ma rap muslim brova Mos def!:)

  24. me

    February 3, 2008 at 6:58 AM

    warning:this rap song by mos def has music in it

  25. AnonyMouse

    February 3, 2008 at 3:08 PM

    LOL, this is more of a joke than anything else… I wrote it one day at the Madrasah when I was bored stiff… so say anything you like about it, ‘cuz I’m not taking myself or my little rap thingy very seriously :P

  26. theManOfFewWords

    February 3, 2008 at 5:08 PM

    -sigh- Its a shame when someone doesn’t take poetry seriously.

  27. Sis Shaykha

    February 4, 2008 at 6:17 PM

    Asalaamu Alaaikum

    that…. was deep.

    *Teardrops*

    This is what every practicing Muslim (i.e. those who actually follow the Quran and Sunnah) are going through. Name Caling, abuse from both non muslims and Muslimzzz.

    Very nice sister

    Wa’alaykum Asalaam =)

    Your Sister Anisa

  28. Sis Shaykha

    February 4, 2008 at 6:18 PM

    edit: And as far as poems go (although i’m no expert) it was pretty good…

  29. me

    February 5, 2008 at 4:56 AM

    erm..even non practising muslims get that abuse..from non muslims as well as so called “pious” practising muslims who look down upon them and condemn them to Hell.

  30. me

    February 5, 2008 at 4:57 AM

    and i believe if one is really practising,they would be living in lands filled with muslims not in kafir majority countries…o well!

  31. Muslimah

    February 6, 2008 at 1:40 AM

    In short, a revelation…

    Keep up the spirit little Mouse…I enjoyed your rap :)

  32. za

    February 18, 2008 at 3:50 AM

    keep up the poem we enjoyed it ALhamdulillah

  33. nuqtah

    February 23, 2008 at 4:55 AM

    I wouldn’t have bothered commenting here if it wasn’t for the gross misuse of the term ‘wahhabi’. Do you even know anything about ‘wahhabi’ movement or its history?

    What really gets me is Salafis trying to misconstrue history. Be it in jest.

    Puhleeeeze you are not a Wahhabi! If you were you’d be a disgrace to wahhabis. You are a salafi, accept the fact.

    You know Socrates believed that poetry is sort of like spurt of inspiration,, and more often than not poets don’t know what they’re saying. Basically you don’t know what you’re saying.

  34. AnonyMouse

    February 23, 2008 at 4:17 PM

    As-salaamu ‘alaikum,

    I was wondering when you’d be back :D
    Hope all is well with you, insha’Allah.

    re:Salafi/Wahhabi
    Say what you like, doesn’t make it true. *Shrugs*
    As the post title says, this is/ was just for laughs.

  35. Amad

    February 23, 2008 at 5:03 PM

    With all respect to my long-lost brother (on the web), I find the salafi-wahabi take amusing, esp. since I know exactly where it came from.

    Nevertheless, welcome back. Glad to see that you haven’t lost your edge ;)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Trending