Cultivating A Lifelong Habit Of Dua In Children

My husband and our children live in safety and comfort in Muslim-majority Malaysia. For the past few weeks before Ramadan, I noticed that there were already banners outside of restaurants advertising Ramadan buffets. There were already discussions around what we were going to wear for Eid. I would commiserate with my friends around our rush to pay back our qada fasts before Ramadan begins, and our intention to do better next time.  Alhamdulilah for the privilege of being part of the religious majority, in a country that is designed for Muslim families like mine.

Ramadan Intentions

My husband tells our children that every Ramadan, we aim to do better than the last. And this Ramadan, we’re trying to focus on cultivating a habit of daily dua. The most important dua we first encouraged our children to make is an avid hope that we all live to see Ramadan. Death is something we have the luxury of not thinking about while we’re rushing them through the busy school mornings. 

Gratitude Circles

It’s been a hit-and-miss process of figuring out consistent family rituals for us, but alhamdulilah, one ritual that has worked is our gratitude circle. After we pray Maghrib as a family, we take turns expressing one thing we’re grateful for, one thing that has been tricky, and one thing we’re looking forward to. In Ramadan, we can upgrade our gratitude circle by adding a sincere dua at the end for whatever we wish, and making dua for each other and the rest of the ummah. I hope that cultivating a habit of daily dua goes hand-in-hand with having shukr for all of our many blessings – and this is a much-needed reminder for me too.

Orienting Everything Back to Allah

Now that my children are all in primary school, they’re busy at school with their teachers and classmates. All my husband and I can do now is continue to instil as many Prophetic values when they are home with us – especially the habit of turning to Allah and asking Him for help, in all things. What I want them to develop – in addition to outward acts of worship like fasting and prayer – is a deep, internal connection and relationship with Allah . 

Turning Requests into Dua

As much as my husband and I want to connect our children to success in the afterlife, they are still young and very much connected to their worldly desires. My children often have a constant barrage of requests for new toys and so on. Alhamdulilah, Allah sparked a creative solution for me. Instead of getting annoyed at my children’s often constant requests, I’ve realised three things:

1. Alhamdulilah, my children feel safe enough with me to confide their deepest desires, no matter how trivial. What seems small to me is actually a huge deal to them. 
2. Their childhood years living with me are so finite, and so foundational in their feelings of linking my husband and me with safety. Their teenage years feel so far away, but I want my children to know they can always come back to my husband and me when they run into more complex problems.
3. I’ve redirected their once-grating one-liners into a daily act of devotion. No matter what they ask me – within the realms of permissibility, of course! – I reply with my one simple one-liner: “Everything starts with dua.”

Sportscars, Dolls, and Phones

When my six-year-old asks for a toy sportscar, or my eight-year-old asks for another doll, or my ten-year-old asks for a phone, then my response remains the same – start with dua. Ask Allah first, before asking me. 

Turner of Hearts

My son was amazed when I told him that his duas can soften my heart and even his father’s. “So if I want something, but you say no, then Allah can make you say yes?” 

I nodded, very seriously. “Allah is the Turner of hearts.”

This gave my son a lightbulb moment of clarity, and I hope it can plant that seed of Allah’s Omnipotence. 

Ramadan in Times of Genocides

I talk to my children about how there are kids their age (and younger) who are struggling to find food to eat in Sudan and Palestine during regular days, and how their Ramadans look so different to ours. We are certain that there will be tasty food to eat at iftar time, but that isn’t the case for so many families. What we can do is continue to boycott unethical brands, and get into the habit of setting aside money to donate to trustworthy charities. 

Conclusion

Childhood is such a crucial time to set foundational habits that will serve our children well not only in this life, but also in the next, inshaAllah. Orienting all their desires to Allah , the Most-Generous, is a daily act of devotion that I hope and pray will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

 

Related:

– Beyond The External Trappings: Teaching Children The True Essence Of Ramadan

– The Key To Raising Children With The Book Of Allah? Getting Them Started Young