[Author’s Note: In October of 2023, Israel launched a genocide against Gaza. On October 13, Al Jazeera mentioned in a news article that ice cream trucks were being used as makeshift morgues due to the overwhelming numbers of deceased people needing a place to be buried.]

     In the summer, your mother throws open the windows of your little house, the breeze playing with the thin curtains, creating flowery ghosts. The tinkling music of the ice cream truck floats in, making you perk up like the housecat seeing a bird.

     You run outside, your sister following suit, her small legs never letting her catch up unless you slow down—but you don’t, not until you are behind the truck and the dry dust burns your eyes, not until it stops and the man inside leans out to greet the gaggle of children now gathering around the truck.

     While you wait in line, an airplane flies by. You flinch, but she waves at it. She hasn’t learned what you had to, and you hope, stupidly, that she never does. 

     You hand her the ice cream before grabbing your own. You want to savour yours for as long as possible, until it’s dripping down your arm in sticky rivulets that your mother will get annoyed at, but you know your sister will devour hers and ask for yours.

     She’s learning to draw. 

     She wants your crayons, and your mother makes you share. You whine, but nothing changes, so you hand her some paper and tell her to keep quiet. For a few minutes, it stays so, her stubby fingers gripping the wax as she drags it across the page, fascinated by the transfer. 

     When you’re engrossed in drawing your own landscape— your grandparents’ olive trees, in the village you visit every few weeks— she hits your arm hard enough to send a stray crayon streak across the paper. When you look up to yell, she shows you a paper— two stick figures sharing ice cream. She tells you that you’re the taller one. You laugh. My skin isn’t orange.

     You keep the drawing in your closet.

     You have a sister. 

     She plays with the neighbourhood girls on the roof every evening, till the Maghreb adhan calls them back inside. She wraps a headscarf halfway across her head and stands behind you and your dad as you pray. Your mother tries to fix it. It doesn’t stay. 

     When you’re praying for everything you want— safety, for yourself and your parents and the olive trees and those that care for them— she says, ya Allah, please let me own an ice cream truck when I’m old. 

     You laugh, but an Ameen still follows. 

     You have a sister. 

     Someone picks on her for her pigtails—someone from your grade. Your dad tells you nothing except that you are her brother. It’s your job to protect her. 

     The principal calls your dad the next day— Bruised knuckles and a bloody nose. Your dad says, he was protecting her. Should he not?

     He buys you both ice cream on the way home. 

     You have a sister. 

     She cries when the first bomb hits, and the second, and the third. 

     She throws up when you pull the cat out of the rubble, a bright red gash across its abdomen. It mewls pathetically, barely skin and bones, and you have to fight the urge to cry— boys don’t cry, especially not in front of their little sisters. You hold the cat close to your chest, caressing what’s left of her spotted fur, for which you’d named her Cow. 

     You have a sister.

     She stopped crying an hour ago, fast asleep now. Your mother drapes a white sheet on her, trying to hide her hiccups. She always hiccups when she cries. Your sister does the same. 

     The night air bites your skin, but you just climbed out of what used to be your room, and your blanket is still somewhere under all of it. You want to share your sister’s sheet, but she is much colder, and she’s hogging it up. 

     She hit her head under all the rubble, you’re sure of it. You tell your dad that he should wake her up. Shouldn’t we take her to the doctor?

     The tinkling music of the ice cream truck pierces the silence. You startle, mouth watering— an ingrained response. Baba, are we getting ice cream? Usually, your mother would not let you eat sweets before dinner, but you haven’t had dinner in days.

     The truck stops, and the ice cream man steps out, face grim and dusted with gray. Your dad gets up, wrapping the sheet tighter around your sister. They begin moving her. 

     You had a sister. 

     In the summers, you’d run after the ice cream truck, her far behind you, and you’d call the man inside by his name. You’d hand her the first cone so she wouldn’t complain, and you’d finish yours off first so she wouldn’t ask for it. She would pray with her scarf halfway off her head, and she’d pray to own an ice cream truck someday. 

     You had a sister.
     She will wake up on top of soft grass, a blanket of sunlight over her skin. She will wake to tinkling laughter and the sound of a flowing river. She will find the friends she cried over, and the cat she fed every day, feeding him even when her stomach rumbled. She won’t remember the smell of blood, the cold of nights spent under open skies, waiting for the next bomb, or pain that blossomed in a body not strong enough for it. But she will remember you. 

     And she’ll wait to share ice cream with you again.

Related:

– A Prayer On Wings: A Poem Of Palestinian Return

– If You Could Speak: A Poem