[Content Warning: This article makes mention of sexual assault. Please read with care and caution.]

As Muslims further their careers, personal relationships, and education of a secular or sacred nature, khalwa (seclusion) is front of mind for both brothers and sisters. While many may not be aware of the exact ḥadīth, we know that our beloved Prophet ﷺ advised us to avoid khalwa.

And what did he say?

In a narration related to us by Ibn ʿAbbas (may Allah ﷻ be pleased with them both), the Messenger ﷺ stated: “No man should remain with a woman in khalwa except in the presence of a maḥram (nonmarriageable person).”¹Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 5233

But what counts as seclusion? Is a text message between a male and female student khalwa? Should a man and a woman getting to know one another for the purpose of marriage have their entire extended families present at their conversations? Are two colleagues of opposite genders forbidden from sitting next to one another, sending emails, or having meetings without the whole team brought in?

These are all valid concerns. In matrimonial affairs, some parents hesitate to allow their children to partake in private phone or video calls between their children and unfamiliar bachelors or bachelorettes. Many talented Muslims feel uncomfortable applying to mixed workplaces where they must communicate with the opposite gender, often wondering if it is ḥalāl. Others restrain their activities in educational institutions to classes, citing organizations with male and female involvement as a slippery slope.

This article will aim to dispel discomfort around these three areas using the Qur’an, Sunnah, and fatāwā of learned scholars, and provide suggestions for each.

Establishing Khalwa

In a purely linguistic sense, khalwa (خلوة) is a word that means “seclusion.” But it also has a spiritual meaning—one can practice khalwa with Allah ﷻ. When the Prophet ﷺ retreated to Cave Ḥiraʾ, this could be understood as a form of khalwa. Musa practiced khalwa away from his community in prayer and fasting, and even Mary, the mother of Jesus (peace be upon them both), secluded herself in worship.²Qur’an 19:16-17. And all of us aspire to practice iʿtikāf in Ramadan; to totally isolate ourselves from the dunya to focus on our dīn. Naturally, this would be a beneficial kind of khalwa that a Muslim engages in.

[PC: Hasan Almasi (unsplash)]

There is no disagreement that complete isolation between two people can cause temptation in one or both parties, and also leads to a threat in their physical safeties and inner spiritualities. Even Yusuf faced this horrifying trial when the wife of the governor sought to seduce him. She had locked the doors and separated the two of them from her husband and household. The altercation even ended with his shirt being torn away as she rushed to prevent him from the door.

And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him. She closed the doors and said, “Come, you.” He said, “[I seek] the refuge of Allah . Indeed, he is my master, who has made good my residence. Indeed, wrongdoers will not succeed.” [Surah Yusuf: 12;23]

This terrifying incident of sexual assault is, unfortunately, all too common in today’s climate. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reported unsettling statistics in 2025. A few are:

• Over 53% of women and over 29% of men reported experiencing contact sexual violence
• More than 1 and 4 non-Hispanic Black women (29%) in the United States were raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 3 Hispanic women (34.8%) reported unwanted sexual contact in their lifetime
• More than 4 in 5 American Indian and Alaska Native women (84.3%) have experienced violence in their lifetime
• 32.9% of adults with intellectual disabilities have experienced sexual violence

This is not to suggest that the prevention of khalwa is a complete solution to abhorrent crimes like sexual assault. Rape culture provides an avenue for the perpetrator to be excused for being “tempted,” and the victim/survivor to be blamed for not “taking every precaution.” As a society, we cannot use the prohibition of khalwa as a band-aid to these egregious incidents; rather, it is one way that we can limit them from happening. As in all things, we turn to the sunnah for an understanding of how we are to conduct ourselves—even when it comes to a sexual assault in our community. We center the survivor and punish the perpetrator.

“When a woman went out in the time of the Prophet for prayer, a man attacked her and assaulted her. She shouted and he went off, and when a man came by, she said, ‘That man did such and such to me.’ And when a company of the Muḥājirīn (emigrants) came by, she said, ‘That man did such and such to me.’ They went and seized the man whom they thought had assaulted her and brought him to her. She (mistakenly) said, ‘Yes, this is him.’ Then they brought him to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. When he ﷺ was about to pass a sentence, the man who had actually assaulted her stood up and said, ‘Messenger of Allah, I am the man who did it to her.’ The Prophet ﷺ said to her, ‘Go, for Allah ﷻ has forgiven you (due to the mistaken confession).’ But he told the (mistakenly accused) man some good words, and of the man who had assaulted her, he said, ‘Stone him to death.’ He ﷺ also said, ‘He has repented to such an extent that if the people of Medina had repented similarly, it would have been accepted from them.’”⁸Sunan Abi Dawud, 4379

[Note: when a rape occurred in the life of the Prophet ﷺ, he did not even ask the survivor whether she had been in isolation with him, but simply who he was. Then, he commanded the punishment be towards the perpetrator, and no blame be set on the survivor.]

Similarly, the male muḥājirīn acted swiftly on the accusation from the assaulted lady to seize whom they believed was the rapist, and brought him for swift judgement in front of the Prophet ﷺ. Madinah al-Munawwarah, the truly prophetic community, took a stand against rape culture. The Prophet ﷺ had also enforced the ḥadd punishment on the man who committed the crime, publicly—and what a comfort it must have been for someone who suffered something so severe. Furthermore, there was no victim-blaming, as well as no advice for her to abstain from khalwa—it was irrelevant in this case, as the man forced himself upon her in a public pathway.

So what constitutes khalwa? We see from the Prophet ﷺ’s original admonition that for khalwa to be established, the following conditions must be met:

• only one man and only one woman
• are bāligh (have reached physical maturity)
• are non-maḥram to one another
• are in a physical space totally isolated from others
• are completely unable to be seen, heard, or entered upon by others

It is important to note that the aforementioned conditions are relatively the same for a married couple (except, of course, that they would be maḥram). The other differences are:

• the mahr (marriage gift) has been paid (in full according to some madhāhib)
• the nikkaḥ contract is valid with no contradictions
• there are no physical ailments or illnesses preventing intercourse
• there are no sharʿi restrictions; such as iḥram, ḥayḍ, or nifās⁹Ibn Abidin, Al-Durr al-Mukhtar, Vol.3/P.114, and Al-Mawsuli’s Al-Ikhtiyar li Ta’lil al-Mukhtar, Vol.3/P.103

Thus, khalwa does not constitute actual intercourse, it is the potential for intercourse. Some scholars, however, even consider khalwa and consummation of a marriage to have the same legal implications for a couple, even if no intercourse happened. A widow who did not consummate her marriage, but lived in a separate house with her husband, would still observe an ‘idda (waiting period).

Exceptions and Suggestions

We must be careful not to categorize every interaction between a man and a woman as khalwa based on our limited perception. Some argue that khalwa is a type of ikhtilāṭ, or “intermixing.” While both are forbidden, ikhtilāṭ has ranges of acceptability. Consider the following ḥadīth: “Let no man from now on visit a woman whose husband is absent, except when he has with him one or two (other) men.”¹⁰Ṣaḥīḥ Muslīm 2173

Here, the Prophet ﷺ has placed an exception to the original rule of a man and woman being alone together. If another party is present or privy to the interaction between a man and a woman, it cannot be legally considered khalwa.

In the West, most men and women must study in mixed classrooms and work alongside both genders. The advent of the Internet has also brought a plethora of mobile applications to seek companionship. But the lines aren’t necessarily blurred—we can still apply those same principles from before.

In any of these situations, keep renewing your intention if necessary to speak with someone of the opposite gender. Ensure that your conversations are purposeful. Lower your gaze and dress modestly.

In Educational Settings

In an educational setting, reach out only if there is an absolute need (ḍarūrah). If you can communicate with a TA or classmate who is of the same gender (or all of you are in a group chat), it is best to do so. If an in-person meeting is necessary for group work, then offer to study in a public space, like a library, to lower the risk of harm to either party. Many Islamic schools, seminaries, and conferences will also place a partition between the two sides, just as mosques build separate entrances. Some also choose to further their studies in an online-only or a gender-segregated setting, and if the programs are suitably comparable, this can be best.

In Professional Settings

In a professional workplace, keep communication direct, straightforward, and respectful. Meetings can be held in conference rooms with glass windows, where all colleagues can view the interaction behind the doors. A Māliki opinion even states that if there is no fear of fitna, a lady may eat with a non-maḥram. We might use this opinion to allow for a company lunch or a work meeting at a coffee shop, where others are present. Generally speaking, it is wise not to communicate after work hours unless there is ḍarūrah.

In Matrimonial Settings

If the two decide to meet (for the purpose of marriage), they can do so in a busy restaurant, an occupied museum, or on any other public avenue where they can be seen by others.v[PC: Yasara Hansani (unsplash)]

In the Digital Space

Interacting with scholars, fellow colleagues, classmates, professionals, activists, and others is now easier than ever. At the click of a button, one may get access to someone’s digital diary, their family, and even their appearances.

Again, think of the ultimatum: a hājjah, or a need. Is it necessary to follow this person, especially if they only post photos of themselves? Is it necessary to comment and like on those posts? When privately messaging them, is it with a concern that is beneficial to you and them? Are you engaging in purposeful or idle chatter?

We ask Allah ﷻ to make us people of upstanding character and righteous behavior, who follow His divine words and His Messenger’s words ﷺ without question, and all those who strive to interpret them for His sake.

Related:

– Blurred Lines: Women, “Celebrity” Shaykhs, and Spiritual Abuse

– Podcast: Sex, Marriage, and Mutual Obligations in Islam | Ustadh Mukhtar Ba