Family Troubles Of The Prophets: A MuslimMatters Series – [Part I] Sibling Rivalries Gone Wild

Introduction to the “Family Troubles of the Prophets” Series

Many of us come from troubled, or even “difficult,” families. Along with the struggles we experience because of our family dynamics, we may also feel ashamed about having dysfunctional families. The shame can come from knowing that the problems are wrong and shouldn’t exist in the first place. It can also come from the secrets we must keep to protect ourselves and others, which leave us feeling isolated. 

It can be difficult to wrap our heads around why some of us have been tested with conflict, abuse, neglect, and trauma within our homes while others live in relative peace and harmony with their families. The first comforting aspect we must consider is that none of us willingly choose to have troubled families; it is something that Allah has written as part of our fate and tests in life. The other comforting notion is that some of the Prophets themselves had difficult family situations! Knowing that some of the Prophets, who were the best of us, also suffered from abusive and toxic family relationships, it becomes easier to come to terms with our own realities emotionally. Finding their stories in the Quran can be a salve and source of solace when we are grappling with the shame and feelings of isolation having dysfunctional families can bring. 

This series of articles will focus on Prophetic examples of different tribulations families may experience. 

Sibling Rivalries For Prophet Yusuf

The story of the Prophet Yusuf in the Quran displays sibling rivalry at an extremely dangerous intensity. Out of those of us whose siblings may hurt and subject us to cruelties, it’s safe to say that Prophet Yusuf had it incredibly bad because his brothers literally left him stranded in the middle of nowhere to die. This part of his story may sound like a simple, unsurprising fact because we may have heard it since childhood, but let’s consider the reality of this situation.

Before being thrown into the infamous well, things are already tense within Prophet Yusuf’s home and it’s no secret. The father, a Prophet himself, is also fully aware of it. This is obvious when we hear Prophet Yaqub warning the young Yusuf to keep his dream a secret from his brothers.

“He said, “O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy.” [Surah Yusuf; 12:5] 

The dynamics between the older brothers and Yusuf are so bad that their father thinks they might take harmful action against him, especially with this dream that foretells his Prophethood. Leaving a brother to die in the wilderness is quite monstrous, but we have to assume Yusuf’s brothers didn’t instantly go from 0 to 60 in the meter of cruelty.  They must have teased Yusuf verbally daily. They must have been physically rough with him semi-regularly. They must have subjected him to lighter pranks and smaller cruelties long before they dared to throw him into a well.

“Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people.” [Surah Yusuf; 12:9]

Imagine what it would be like to live with siblings who can reach that level of viciousness. Also, imagine how devastated Yusuf must have felt when he thought that his brothers were taking him out to play and finally doing something nice for him, but ultimately committed the ultimate betrayal. 

Connecting Prophet Yusuf’s Story With Our Own Sibling Rivalries

Left alone to die in a well by his own siblings [PC: Pablo Hidalgo Aguilera (unsplash)]

Some of us may have experienced a sibling stealing from us, physically assaulting us, spreading rumors about us, publicly sharing private information about us, or even sabotaging important opportunities for us. Realizing that Prophet Yusuf’s brothers had acted wickedly towards him can help us feel seen and less alone. Of course, having abusive and toxic relationships with our siblings is difficult and painful emotionally – but it’s important to remember that one of Allah’s favorite people in the whole world also experienced that.   

Making Sense Of Prophet Yusuf’s Family Reconciliation

Luckily for Prophet Yusuf and his brothers, they manage to reconcile and resolve their sibling rivalries later in life. This happy ending can make those of us who are facing sibling rivalries in our own lives feel various ways, including hopeful, confused, or guilty. I cannot say that every person who is experiencing a troubled relationship with their siblings will find a healthy resolution, nor do I think Prophet Yusuf’s story in the Quran pressures us to reconnect with our siblings at any cost. 

There are two important factors in the healing of the sibling rivalry for Prophet Yusuf and his brothers that I would like to draw attention to as examples of important steps that lead to a successful family reconciliation.

The first is that Yusuf entering into a relationship with his brothers should be safe now. This is because the brothers have committed to changing their behavior and repented for their vicious actions.

“They said, “Are you indeed Joseph?” He said “I am Joseph, and this is my brother. Allah has certainly favored us. Indeed, he who fears Allah and is patient, then indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good.””

“They said, “By Allah, certainly has Allah preferred you over us, and indeed, we have been sinners.””

“He said, “No blame will there be upon you today. Allah will forgive you, and He is the most merciful of the merciful.”” [Surah Yusuf; 12:90-92]

The aggressors in the relationship have decided to correct their ways, so no further harm should come to Yusuf ] from his brothers in the future. 

The second is that the power dynamics in the family have changed, with Prophet Yusuf at this stage being the family’s most important member. He takes precedence over his own parents as a Prophet of the next generation, let alone his brothers. Not only is he very powerful within his family [12:100], but also within the society as a government official.

“And he raised his parents upon the throne, and they bowed to him in prostration. And he said, “O my father, this is the explanation of my vision of before. My Lord has made it reality. And He was certainly good to me when He took me out of prison and brought you [here] from bedouin life after Satan had induced [estrangement] between me and my brothers. Indeed, my Lord is Subtle in what He wills. Indeed, it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise.” [Surah Yusuf; 12:100]

I’m not saying his brothers did not have sincere repentance and commitment to healthy family ties –but I think the argument could be made that there would be negative repercussions for any malicious behavior the brothers may stir up against Prophet Yusuf in their adult lives as compared to when they were children. On the flip side, there are also many worldly incentives for Prophet Yusuf’s brothers to be good to him now that he is in a very influential position in society. The changed power dynamics are a significant element in the reconciliation of the family because the victim of the past is now in a position of authority over all. 

Considering both factors (the brothers’ repenting and the shifted power dynamics) can help us better understand how and why Prophet Yusuf could reconcile with his brothers while also ensuring his safety from further abuse. It also places into context the willingness of the brothers to not turn into abusers again, as well as Prophet Yusuf’s ability to forgive them in such a remarkable way. As Muslims, we know how important it is to maintain family ties and not break them. We can see in this example that some guardrails are in place when Prophet Yusuf and his brothers reconnect, which helps us understand that there are some crucial red lines that should always be respected whenever we try to mend broken family ties. For any of us facing challenges with our own siblings, it’s critical to take inspiration from Prophet Yusuf’s family’s story and rely on practical resources to aid in possible reconciliation; like a trusted community member or family therapist as a mediator.

Related:

– Podcast: The Rights of Parents vs Parental Oppression | Sh Isa Parada

– Peer Pressure On Social Media: Lessons From Surah Yusuf