Ramadan With A Newborn: Life Seasons, Ibaadah, And Intentionality

Ramadan falls in different seasons every year. As a young child, I remember Ramadan falling in winter, when fasting was a breeze and you didn’t even miss a meal or experience the pangs of hunger. And then we also had Ramadans falling on the hottest and longest days of the year although this year, it is going to be relatively easier for those of us living in North America alhamdulillah.

Similarly, Ramadan comes in different seasons of our lives; whether it is our circumstances, the condition of our physical and mental health, or the spiritual temperature of our hearts and minds. 

This year, as we enter into Ramadan, I feel very unprepared. Last Ramadan was one of my more productive ones, in terms of ‘ibaadah, executing charity projects, getting things done, etc. At the end of that Ramadan, I made dua’ that I would be able to have an even better one the next year. I had even crafted a 1-year plan for the coming year leading up to this Ramadan. 

By Dhul Qa’dah, we found out that I was pregnant. Which means my plans went down the drain, and my goals for growth and a productive Ramadan were thrown out the window. But alhamdulillah, I have a newborn baby this Ramadan. I now find myself struggling to pray my fard Salah on time. I had worked hard on building new habits prior to pregnancy, which I feel very far away from accomplishing now. I haven’t fasted a day since last Shawwal. 

This is my Ramadan season. 

However. I have chosen to accept this with integrity! And I am rephrasing the “I feel very unprepared” to “I am in a different season now.”

You might be in the same boat too. You might be dealing with sleepless nights, a crying baby and/or other young children. You may be overwhelmed and anxious about Ramadan, or you might feel disconnected, numb, and entirely distanced from the Ramadan vibes that everyone else around you is experiencing right now. Regardless, Ramadan is a guest for you too, and is just visiting you with fruits apt for your season.

Did you know that there is a relationship between the foods that grow better in a given season to the benefit those foods have on you? For example, cucumbers and watermelons grow in the summer, when it is hot and we get dehydrated easily. The watery fruits are much needed in that season. This is by design by Ar-Razzaaq, The Sustainer. Similarly, I believe that no matter what season you are in right now, Ramadan is going to come to your homes, souls, and hearts with the blessings, tranquility, and spirituality you are seeking. Ramadan does not discriminate – it helps everyone cleanse and is a month of purification for all. 

We must remember, we are being rewarded due to Allah’s Mercy. We do not rely on our ability to do good deeds, but rather bank our hopes in our Lord’s mercy. Embracing that mindset will put our hearts at ease, especially when we experience frustration or despair at not being able to do much. That being said, how can you still benefit from the blessed month? After all, the reality is that we are not guaranteed a next Ramadan, and you still want to be able to reap the blessings from this month as much as you can. So, you don’t want to be complacent and exempt yourself from ‘ibaadah. Nor do you want to feel anxious, leading to despair and hopelessness. 

Here are a few ways to maximize Ramadan as a mother:

• Hold onto your superpower, dua’

Dua’ is your superpower, your lifeline. In your highs and lows, the one ‘ibadah that you can always do fervently, is dua’. You don’t need to set aside time for that, nor do you need any prior preparation. Sure, if you are able to, that’s a bonus. But, you can make dua’ everywhere and anywhere, in any circumstance, whether you are nursing your baby, fixing a meal for your child, or washing dishes. Ask Allah to amplify and increase barakah in your time, energy, and efforts. Ask Allah for the sweetness of imaan and to experience the benefits of ‘ibaadah. 

Dua’ is worship. Prophet Muhammed said: “Nothing is more honorable to Allah the Most High than Dua’.” [At-Tirmidhi]

Know that Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Beneficient), Al-‘Aleem (The Forbearing), As-Samee (The All-Hearing), and Al-Mujeeb (The Responding One).

The Most Merciful is All-Knowing. He knows your situation more than you do. He knows your struggles, and the yearning in your heart to be close to Him.  He hears you, your thoughts, and your emotions. He answers your dua’s- the ones you verbalize, the ones you are not able to, the ones you just think of, the ones you don’t even know your subconscious is thinking of.

• Couple your dua’ with dhikr and gratitude 

Keep your tongue moist with the remembrance of Allah . Allah Azza wajal, out of His Mercy, has promised great reward in the simple utterance of His remembrance.

There are many ahadith that mention various adhkaar that are easy, but their reward is great.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “(There are) two words which are dear to the Beneficent (Allah) and very light (easy) for the tongue (to say), but very heavy in weight in the balance. They are: ”Subhan Allah wa-bi hamdihi” and ”Subhan Allah Al-`Azim.” [al-Bukhari]

“Whoever says Subhan Allah il ‘azeem wa bi hamdihi (Glory and praise be to Allah, the Almighty), a palm tree will be planted for him in Paradise.” [Al-Tirmidhi]

“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘Whoever wakes up in the morning and says upon waking: La ilaha illallah wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in Qadir; Subhan-Allah walhamdu lillahi, wa la ilaha illallahu, wa Allahu Akbar, wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billahil-‘Aliyil-‘Azim (None has the right to be worshipped but Allah alone, with no partner or associate. His is the dominion and all praise is to Him, and He is Able to do all things. Glory is to Allah, praise is to Allah, none has the right to be worshiped but Allah, Allah is the Most Great, and there is no power and no strength except with Allah, the Most High, the Most Supreme), then he supplicates Rabbighfirli (O Lord, forgive me), he will be forgiven.’”

Dhikr of Allah helps increase gratitude. Likewise, gratitude makes dhikr more meaningful and intentional. It goes both ways. With each utterance, try your best to count your blessings. And then ask Allah for more! 

• Quran

Ramadan is the month of Quran after all. You might not be able to recite as much Quran as you usually do. So, reduce your wird. If you cannot read, then listen, and allow the Quran to heal you and comfort you. Motherhood can be isolating and even depressing at times. Let the Quran be your companion. Let it be the calm in your chaos. Let it be the spring of your heart, the light of your chest, the remover of your sadness, and the pacifier of your worries.

• Qiyam-ul-layl 

Our fard salah might be rushed sometimes, or we might be forced to cut it short. We might not always find that focus and tranquility that we desire. You might make the intention of praying on time always, but oh boy, your children might not cooperate with that! Qiyam-u-layl on the other hand is not time-bound. You have the whole night to steal at least 15 minutes for yourself.

Even if it did come with distractions and you might be exhausted from a whole day of taking care of your children, you are showing your commitment to Allah , your love and desire to connect with Him, and your gratitude to Him. I remember a time when I had my first two children when they were 3 and 1 years old, and I would try to catch a few rakat of qiyam-u-layl all the way at the back with my babies at the masjid, always on alert in case they suddenly decided to cry or disturb the women in the front who were immersed in their ‘ibaadah.

Those lucky ones who were able to cry in their Salah because they did not have any distractions! I remember thinking to myself how their prayers would be accepted because they had so much khushoo, while mine were so lacking. I was almost certain that Allah would not answer my dua’, or accept my salah. Years later, it was when I saw another mother in my situation, trying to pray with her little ones that I realized that the struggling mother’s salah must be so beloved to Allah , perhaps even more than the woman in the front rows. 

• Fasting (or not fasting)

Allah wants ease for you. If you are breastfeeding, and you are able to fast, alhamdulillah. Make sure you have a healthy suhoor of healthy fats, good protein content, and a copious amount of fibrous foods. Rehydrate yourself really well. But, if you are not able to fast, know with certainty that Allah has exempted you from the obligation, and do not go down the guilt lane. Do not compare yourself with those women who are able to fast while breastfeeding. Why! You cannot even compare your own self from last year! Do not let others make you feel guilty either. It is not righteousness to fast when Allah has made one exempt from it due to valid reasons. 

[A note to others: please do not make the nursing mother feel less righteous because she is not fasting, by sharing stories of how you would fast.] 

The Prophet said: “It is not an act of righteousness to fast when traveling.” [Ibn Majah]

Also, do not forget that Allah knows that if you could, you would have fasted, and He will reward you with the reward of fasting. He sees how much you long to!

• Keeping things simple

Keep meals simple. Do take-outs if needed. Don’t beat yourself up if you are not able to start Ramadan with a clean and mess-free home, let alone instagram-worthy decorated. Your sanity and health are so much more important. And you do not need to spend the leftover energy you have on these mundane things. Reserve it for your Salah, Quran, and rest. House chores can wait! Society tells us to do it all and be superwomen. But, in reality, when we accept that we have limitations and only Allah is perfect and Omnipotent, we become His humble servants. We rely on Him more and call out to Him more. 

Allow others to help you; ask for help! In the past, parents often had other adults assisting in raising their children. If none were at home, they had neighbors and extended family members. These days, a lot of the time, the weight of parenting and nurturing falls on the mother alone. Communicate to your spouse/family members/friends how and where you need help, and make dua’ for them. 

• ‘Ibaadah with your children 

As a mother, your primary job is not feeding them, bathing them, cleaning them, cooking for them, etc. Sure, we do that too! But really, our focus is on educating them about Allah , connecting them with love for Allah , and their tarbiyah (nurturing them with Islamic values and morals) 

Teach them a thing or two this Ramadan. Have a manageable goal to do some learning and some form of ‘ibaadah with them. For example, spend ten minutes during adhkaar with them, or let them pray Salah with you, or learn a short Surah with them. And when you are able to do something, pat yourself on your back! Because it is not easy at ALL. Yet, you did it! And if you were not able to, you are still rewarded for the intention! The point is, we need to be selective in what we prioritize, and where we put our energy. 

• Self-care

Your body is an amaanah, and there is reward in taking care of yourself. Rest when you can. Take deep breaths. Take naps and let go of mommy guilt. You are doing enough. You are enough. Don’t compare yourself to others, not even to other mothers in your situation. Sometimes, we see others in our local community, or on social media seeming to pull off everything perfectly and glamorously. Most likely, they have their own struggles.

• Brain dump

This is general advice, but I wanted to stress on that here, because to truly benefit from Ramadan, our minds need clarity. We often complain of mommy brains. It is often a result of the lack of rest and carrying too many responsibilities, and hence too many thoughts and to-do lists in your head. Take a break from playing mommy, and sit with yourself for a while. Show yourself some grace and kindness, and do a brain dump by spilling all your thoughts onto paper. You got carpal tunnel and cannot write? No worries! Send a voice note to yourself, or do a voice-to-text message. If you have a friend who you can talk to, do that!

Lastly, these pointers are not meant to cause overwhelm you, but rather to help you approach the acts of ‘ibaadah based on your circumstances. Focus on the obligatory (fard), and choose one or two from the extra. And, remember that Allah sees even your smallest efforts. Allah sees when you care for your baby with gentleness and mercy. He even rewards you for your effortless smile. He rewards you when your baby sneezes, and you supplicate on his/ her behalf. Every small act can be charity and a good deed, if sincere and Allah knows you are! Allah rewards you for your intentions. You might intend to do something and make lofty goals, but due to circumstances, you might not be execute them. Do not beat yourself over that. 

Motherhood in itself gives us ample opportunities for reward. Raising children, tomorrow’s leaders of the ummah is a huge task that we tend to undermine. Allah has blessed us with this honorable opportunity alhamdulillah, and in Ramadan, there is increased reward for motherhood too! Even if we are not able to fast due to breastfeeding, or pray a lot of nawafil and qiyam-u-layl, or participate in other good deeds, Allah out of immense His immense mercy will reward us! May Allah accept from you and me. Ameen!

PS: I was interrupted 70 times while writing this article, by either a colicky baby, or a teen who needed help with something, or fighting kids or by the million other responsibilities I bear.. So, kindly excuse any errors and mistakes you may come across.

Related:

– Ramadan Planning for Mothers: Obstacles & Solutions – MuslimMatters.org

– 5 Tips for Surviving Ramadan. In The Summer. When You Have Small Children. – MuslimMatters.org