Domestic Violence Is Killing Us. What Are You Doing To Help?

Tahani Chaudhry, M.A., Olubunmi Basirat Oyewuwo, PhD, and Hasnaa Mokhtar, PhD

Peaceful Families Project

May 2022, Texas

Sadia Manzoor was found dead at her house alongside her 4-year-old daughter Khadija and her mother Inayat Bibi. Sadia’s husband killed them before committing suicide after she filed for divorce. Sadia was a teacher at the Houston Peace Academy, an Islamic elementary school, and was described by the Islamic Society of Greater Houston as an “amazing human being, an exemplary teacher, and an active member of the community.”

July 18, 2022, Illinois

Sania Khan, a 29-year-old Pakistani American photographer, was killed by her ex-husband who had traveled from his home in Georgia to Chicago where she lived. After shooting Sania, Raheel Ahmed killed himself. Sania made an impact in many people’s lives by sharing her story on social media and championing the rights of women in marriages and speaking out against the stigma of divorce.

Just a few days later, Wisconsin

Alwaiya Mohamed, a 20 year old Somali immigrant, was murdered by her husband in their home in Milwaukee in the presence of their 1-year-old child. Her husband then killed himself.

August 22, 2022, California

45-year-old Abdulhannan Abdurazaq Al Wari shot and killed his wife while the couple’s nine children, who range from 2 to 17, were inside their Soma Place home in El Cajon. He was taken into custody and is set to appear in court. Six years ago, the Al Wari family moved to the United States from war-torn Syria to have a better life, friends said.

August 23, 2022, Massachusetts

Khosay Sharifi, 31-years-old, shot and killed three of her male relatives before turning the gun on herself in Lynn, Massachusetts. In a Facebook post, Khosay wrote about her father abusing her mother and that her sister had been physically abused by her husband for 14 years. “My parents & his parents knew all these years but have not really done much but say “work it out”…. He kept doing it because no one did anything about it. How long did he think he would get away with it?”

These are the stories we know. What about the ones that are unknown? What are we doing to prevent more violence? 

The Peaceful Families Project

Peaceful Families Project (PFP) is a 501(c)(3) national organization with international reach working to eliminate domestic violence in the American Muslim community through an Islamic framework for the last 21 years. In an effort to affect change in all areas impacting victims and survivors of domestic violence, programming includes prevention and intervention in its approach to community education and development, domestic violence and cultural sensitivity training, research, and resource development. PFP’s hallmark work has been conducting imam and chaplain training for over a decade to effectively prevent and respond to domestic violence in their communities, utilizing the Quran and Hadith.

In response to the tragedies, PFP has launched a campaign, “In Their Names,” to document the stories of victims of domestic homicide in Muslim communities in order to honor their lives and assist Muslim communities in promoting prevention and elimination of these tragedies. Additionally, Muslim Advocacy Network Against Domestic Violence (MANADV) released a call to action to Muslim communities to respond.

As one ummah, when one part of our body hurts, the other parts feel the pain.¹https://sunnah.com/muslim:2586a It is our responsibility as a community to speak up and act to eliminate this oppression. To do so, we must know what domestic violence (DV) looks like in our community, but we have limited knowledge on DV in our communities. In a 2009 survey of 241 American Muslims conducted by Sound Vision and Islamic Social Services Association (ISSA) USA, 70% of respondents indicated that they knew someone who had experienced DV. According to the 2011 PFP and Project Sakinah survey, 31.5% of respondents experienced abuse in a relationship; a majority were women. The scarcity of data limits our ability to address this problem.

In an effort to increase and update our knowledge in this area, Dr. Olubunmi Basirat Oyewuwo and PFP have launched a survey to study DV in American Muslim communities. A goal of this survey is to capture trends and inform the creation and support of existing intervention and prevention strategies. The lack of data in this area presents funding challenges to service organizations and researchers who desire to prevent, intervene, and inform our knowledge of DV.

What Can You Do?

As a reader, you have the opportunity to do something. One way to support efforts to intervene and prevent DV is to take the American Muslim Intimate Partner Violence survey. Anyone who 1) identifies as Muslim, 2) is age 18+, and 3) lives in the United States is eligible to participate. The survey takes about 30 minutes to complete, and can be completed by phone, tablet, or computer. Your voice is essential, and we want to hear from you. 

To those of you who have experienced abuse in your homes, whether it was physical, emotional, verbal, sexual or financial: it is not your fault. The only one to blame is the person who has caused the abuse. You deserve to be treated with dignity, kindness, love and respect. You may have been told to be patient, to forgive, to pray more, to be silent. You do not have to be silent. It is possible to heal; but healing is a journey that takes time. Seek safety and stability, identify and use your support systems, and consider professional counseling to support your healing. You are not alone; there are resources that can help:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/; 1-800-799-7233
• National Dating Abuse Helpline: www.loveisrespect.org; 1-866-331-9474
• National Sexual Assault Hotline: www.rainn.org; 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
• Psychology Today search engine for mental health professionals: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org; 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
• National Center for Victims of Crime: www.victimsofcrime.org; 1-202-467-8700

More Resources: https://ncadv.org/resources

Muslim-based Resources:

• Peaceful Families Project (https://www.peacefulfamilies.org/)
  • Directory of Domestic Violence Programs: https://www.peacefulfamilies.org/dvdirectory.html
  • Domestic Violence Survivor Toolkit: https://www.peacefulfamilies.org/dv-survivors-toolkit.html

• Faith Trust Institute (https://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/)

Related reading:

– A State of Emergency: Fatal Domestic Violence in The Muslim Community

A State of Emergency: Fatal Domestic Violence in The Muslim Community

– Statement Against Domestic Violence: The Female Scholarship Network

Statement Against Domestic Violence: The Female Scholarship Network