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Lesson 7 From Surah Al-Kahf

Shaykh Furhan Zubairi

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Which deeds are most beloved to Allah?

Alhamdulillah, by the blessings of Allah (swt) and readers like yourself, MuslimMatters has been an independent platform for our best thought leaders to educate us in our faith and catalyze change through powerful, necessary conversations. Since our humble beginnings as a basic wordpress blog in 2007, our content has remained free.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support us with a monthly donation of $10 per month, or even as little as $1. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

Alhamdulillah last session, we were able to explore and discuss the meanings of verses 32-44. InshAllah, tonight we will be covering the meanings and lessons of verses 45-59. Verses 45-46 give us an example of the temporary nature of this world. Verses 47-49 describe some of the events that will take place on the Day of Judgment. Verses 50-53 discuss the story of Adam and Shaytān. Verses 54-59 discuss a number of topics related to Faith and the Quran.

Verse 45: Give them the parable (example) of the life of this world: It is like water We send down from the sky. Then it mixes with the vegetation of the earth. Then it becomes chaff, scattered by the winds. And Allah is capable of all things.

In these verses, Allah ﷻ gives us an example of the reality of the life of this world and its temporary and fleeting nature to show us its true value. Allah ﷻ wants us to recognize the true value of this life especially in comparison to the life to come. We’re reminded in a very brief yet powerful way that the life of this world is temporary and fleeting; that it will very quickly come to an end. This example highlights and emphasizes the main moral from the story of the man with two gardens that we covered last week.

Allah ﷻ tells the Prophet ﷺ to give his community an example of the life of this world. Tell them “It is like water We send down from the sky. Then it mixes with the vegetation of the earth. Then it becomes chaff, scattered by the winds.” The fleeting nature of this world is similar to plants and vegetation after they have been watered. Allah ﷻ sends down rain from the sky that causes the earth to turn green; it mixes with the vegetation of the earth giving it life, color, and vibrancy. We’re shown a very brief scene of life; the rain causes all these plants to grow. “Then it becomes chaff, scattered by the winds.” Chaff is lifeless matter; something that has no real value that is just scattered and blown away by the wind. That’s exactly how the life of this world is. At one moment it’s vibrant and alive and at the next moment, it will be gone. It doesn’t last. It has an expiration date. The world is just like a field of green crops, a beautiful, lush green garden. Something that brings enjoyment, pleasure, and benefit. But none of these things lasts forever. The crops, the plants, trees, and flowers slowly dry and start to turn yellow. Then it becomes straws like and crumbles. It goes from being something beautiful, useful and pleasing to being something that just blows away in the wind. Allah ﷻ is telling us that’s exactly how the world is. These are all the things we work for and invest in throughout our lives. We run after them, but in the end what happens? All of it ceases to exist. It no longer matters.

The only thing that actually remains is the consequences of our faith. Allah ends the verse by reminding us, “And Allah is capable of all things.” Meaning He has the power to create and the power to bring things to an end. This example of the life of the world has been given in the Quran in a number of different places. For instance, in Surah Yunus, and in Surah Al-Hadīd.

Allah then further clarifies this point by telling us what has true, everlasting value. He does so by contrasting it to what we value most in this world; wealth and children. The contrast between the two is very sharp and is meant to be hard hitting.

Verse 46: “Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world, and the everlasting good deeds are of far greater merit in your Lord’s sight and a far better source of hope.”

Wealth and children are two of the most important things that we value in this life; as a matter of fact, they’re probably the most important things in our lives. If we truly think about it the vast majority of our time, energy, resources and thoughts are spent on earning money and taking care of our children. We’re constantly worried about our jobs, salaries, savings, expenses, the mortgage, and the car payment. We’re continuously thinking about our children’s education; what school they’ll go to and what profession they’ll choose. So Allah ﷻ is reminding us that “wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world”.

The word “zīnah” means beauty, adornment and decoration. Wealth and children have been made attractive and beautiful for us; they capture our attention. Allah ﷻ tells us something similar in Surah Aali ‘Imran, “Made to seem fair unto mankind is the love of passions, among them women, children, hoarded heaps of gold and silver, horses of mark, cattle and tillage. Those are the enjoyments of the life of this world. And Allah, with Him, is the beautiful return.” (3:14) It’s important to note that this isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. Islam doesn’t prevent us from enjoying these things. As a matter of fact, they have been praised elsewhere in the Qur’ān and Hadīth. But it does teach us the correct guidelines and ways in which to enjoy them. They should never take us away or prevent us from fulfilling our true purpose in life. And we’re reminded that just like anything else in this world they too will one day cease to exist. So we shouldn’t be fooled, deceived and tricked by them as well.

Rather we should focus on what is everlasting; those things that will benefit us in this world and more importantly in the next. “And the everlasting good deeds are of far greater merit in your Lord’s sight, and a far better source of hope.” “The everlasting good deeds” includes every single good deed we can think of; whether they’re big or small. This includes all acts of worship such as praying, fasting, giving charity, supplication, and dhikr. It includes being kind to our families, our parents, children, relatives, friends, and neighbors. All of these things “are of far greater merit in your Lord’s sight, and a far better source of hope.” Ibn ‘Abbas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) mention that the “everlasting good deeds” are the five daily prayers. He also said they are to say SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, la ilaha illa Allah and Allahu Akbar. ‘Uthman (ra) said they are to say la ilaha illah Allah, SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar, and la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri narrates that the Prophet (saw) said, “Increase the everlasting virtues.” It was said, “What are they O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Al-Takbeer, al-tahleel, al-tasbeeh, al-tahmeed and la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.” Abu Darda raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (saw) said, “SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, la ilaha illa Allah, Allahu Akbar and la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah, they are the everlasting good deeds. They shed sins like a tree sheds its leaves and they are from the treasures of Paradise.” ‘Ali raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said, “Wealth and children are the harvest of the world, and righteous deeds are the harvest of the hereafter. And Allah has gathered both for some people.”

  • المال و البنون حرث الدنيا، و العمل الصالح حرث الآخرة، و قد جمعهما الله لأقوام.

All of these things are more valuable than any material possession. And the rationale behind it is simple and straightforward.

The Surah now transitions into a brief description of some of the events that will take place on the Day of Judgment; that Day when we’ll see the real value of the everlasting deeds.

Verses 47-48: On the Day We will set the mountains in motion, and you will see the earth an open plain. And We will gather them, and leave not one of them behind. They will be arrayed before your Lord in ranks. “Indeed you have come to Us as We created you the first time. Nay, but you claimed that We would never appoint a time for you.”

In these two verses, Allah informs us about four of the scary and frightening things that will take place on that Day. 1) “On the Day We will set the mountains in motion…” Meaning, imagine that day when We will uproot the mountains from their places and pulverize them into fine particles of dust as if they had never existed before. This will be an extraordinary sight; something that will strike terror and fear into the hearts of those who will see it. Mountains are the strongest and largest naturally occurring physical structures that we can see. They’re symbols of strength and stability. But on that day they will be turned into fine particles of dust.

2) “and you will see the earth an open plain.” Meaning, we will see the Earth fully exposed. Nothing will be on it; it will be completely empty. There will be no place for anyone to hide. It will be one big, flat surface without any hills, valleys or mountains.

3) “And We will gather them, and leave not one of them behind.” Every single human being from the beginning of time till the end of time, big and small, young and old, believers and non-believers will be gathered and held accountable for what they did in this world. Allah ﷻ tells us something very similar in Surah Al-Wāqi’ah. Say, “Indeed the former and the later peoples are to be gathered together for the appointment of a known Day.” Allah ﷻ also says in Surah Hūd, “That is a Day for which the people will be collected, and that is a Day [which will be] witnessed.”

4) They will be arrayed before your Lord in ranks. “Indeed you have come to Us as We created you the first time. Nay, but you claimed that We would never appoint a time for you.” All of mankind will be brought in front of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He)at once in lines. The commentators mentioned that people will be lined up in rows just as they are for prayer. Each row is occupied by a particular religious community. And then it will be said to them, “Indeed you have come to Us as We created you the first time. Nay, but you claimed that We would never appoint a time for you.” Meaning, just as Allah created humanity and brought them into existence from nothing, Allah will bring them back to life on the Day of Judgment. They will come before Allah ﷻ in the same state that they were created; barefoot, naked and alone without any belongings Just as Allah ﷻ says in Surah Al-An’ām, “Now you have come to Us alone, just as We created you the first time, and you have left behind that which We had bestowed upon you.” Similarly, Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said, “The people will be assembled on the Day of Resurrection barefoot, naked and uncircumcised.” I said, “O Messenger of Allah! Will the men and the women be together on that Day; looking at one another?” Upon this the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “O Aisha, the matter will be too serious for them to look at one another.”

  • “‏ يُحْشَرُ النَّاسُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ حُفَاةً عُرَاةً غُرْلاً ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ النِّسَاءُ وَالرِّجَالُ جَمِيعًا يَنْظُرُ بَعْضُهُمْ إِلَى بَعْضٍ قَالَ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ يَا عَائِشَةُ الأَمْرُ أَشَدُّ مِنْ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ بَعْضُهُمْ إِلَى بَعْضٍ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

In order for them to feel the severity of the day and to create a greater sense of remorse, regret and sorrow it will then be said to them, “Nay, but you claimed that We would never appoint a time for you.” Meaning, you believed that this would never happen; that you would never be resurrected and never meet Allah and now here you are.

The Surah then continues to describe the scene on that day.

Verse 49: And the book will be set down. Then you will see the guilty fearful of what is in it. And they will say, “Oh woe unto us! What a book this is! It leaves out nothing, small or great, save that it has taken it into account.” And they find present therein whatsoever they did. And your Lord wrongs no one.

The “book” in this verse is referring to the book of deeds; the register in which all our deeds, good and bad, big and small, are recorded. This book of deeds serves as a comprehensive witness and record of whatever we say or do in the life of this world. This is the book we’ll receive on the Day of Judgment. Some will receive it in their right hands and others will receive it in their left hands. We ask Allah to make us amongst those who receive it in their right!

When the mujrimūn, the criminals, receive their books they will be extremely fearful of what is in it. They know that their book of deeds is full of sin and disobedience and that there’s no way for them to hide it. They realize that it is a comprehensive and accurate record and they fear the consequences. They feel this severe sense of fear, regret, remorse, embarrassment, helplessness, hopelessness and sorrow. So they will say, “Oh woe to us!” May we be cursed! May we be destroyed because of our negligence, disobedience, and sins. This is the cry of one who is worried, fearing the worst after he has been caught red-handed, unable to evade the results or find any justification. This is because he recognizes the accuracy of the record which puts before his eyes all that he has done. In their frustration, they will say, “What a book this is! It leaves out nothing, small or great, save that it has taken it into account.” This is an expression of absolute amazement and extreme shock. What a book! It hasn’t left our anything, bog or small, good or bad, significant or insignificant, except that it has been recorded in it. They fear both punishment from Allah ﷻ and disgrace in the eyes of other people. “And they find present therein whatsoever they did.” Big or small, good or bad.

Allah ﷻ tells us this elsewhere in the Qur’ān as well. “The Day every soul will find what it has done of good present [before it] and what it has done of evil, it will wish that between itself and that [evil] was a great distance. And Allah warns you of Himself, and Allah is Kind to [His] servants.” “Man will be informed that Day of what he sent ahead and kept back.”

All of this is done from the absolute justice of Allah ﷺ. “And your Lord wrongs no one.” Absolute justice and equality will be established on the Day of Resurrection. No individual will be wronged whatsoever and everyone will receive their rights in full. He will judge between His creatures for all of their deeds, and He will not treat any of His creatures with injustice. He will overlook and forgive and have mercy, and He will punish whomever He wills by His power, wisdom, and justice. He will fill Hell with the disbelievers and those who have been disobedient. Then He will rescue the disobedient, and leave the disbelievers there for eternity. He is the Judge Who never wrongs or oppresses. Allah says: “Surely, Allah wrongs not even of the weight of a speck of dust, but if there is any good, He doubles it…”

  • ﴿إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يَظْلِمُ مِثْقَالَ ذَرَّةٍ وَإِن تَكُ حَسَنَةً يُضَـعِفْهَا﴾

“And We place the scales of justice for the Day of Resurrection, so no soul will be treated unjustly at all. And if there is [even] the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it forth. And sufficient are We as Accountant.”

Shaykh Furhan Zubairi serves as the Director of Religious Education at the Institute of Knowledge in Diamond Bar, CA. He regularly delivers khutbahs and lectures at various Islamic Centers and events in southern California.

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Dawah and Interfaith

10 Lessons I Learned While Serving Those in Need

Abu Ryan Dardir

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charity
Which deeds are most beloved to Allah?

Alhamdulillah, by the blessings of Allah (swt) and readers like yourself, MuslimMatters has been an independent platform for our best thought leaders to educate us in our faith and catalyze change through powerful, necessary conversations. Since our humble beginnings as a basic wordpress blog in 2007, our content has remained free.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support us with a monthly donation of $10 per month, or even as little as $1. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

I have spent about a decade serving the impoverished domestically and recently, abroad. I don’t work for a major charity organization, I work for my community, through grassroots efforts. It was something embedded in me while learning Islam. Before starting a charity organization, I started studying Islam with Dr. Hatem Alhaj (my mentor) and various other scholars. The more I studied, the more I wanted to implement what I was learning. What my community needed at the time was intensive charity work, as it was neglected entirely by our community. From that, I collected 10 lessons from servicing those in need. 

My bubble burst

One of the first things I experienced was the bursting of my bubble, a sense of realization. I, like many others, was unaware of the hardship in my own community. Yes, we know the hadith and see the events unfold on the news and social media, but when a father of three cried before me because a bag of groceries was made available for him to take home, that moment changed me. We tend to forget how little it takes, to make a huge difference in someone’s life. This experience, made me understand the following hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Every Muslim has to give in charity.” The people then asked: “(But what) if someone has nothing to give, what should he do?” The Prophet replied: “He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns).” The people further asked: “If he cannot find even that?” He replied: “He should help the needy, who appeal for help.” Then the people asked: “If he cannot do (even) that?” The Prophet said finally: “Then he should perform good deeds and keep away from evil deeds, and that will be regarded as charitable deeds.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 524. I

t is simply an obligation, due to the amount of good it generates after you do this one action. I then realized even more how beautiful Islam is for commanding this deed. 

Friendships were developed on good deeds

Serving the poor is a great reward in itself. The Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “Save yourself from hellfire by giving even half a date-fruit in charity.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Hadith 498. But it is better done with a team, I began building a team of people with similar objectives in serving the needy. These people later became some of my closest friends, who better to keep close to you than one that serves Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) by helping the neediest in the same community you reside in. Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” [reported by Abu Dawood & Tirmidhee] This is turn kept me on the right path of pleasing Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). Working with a team removes a lot of the burden as well and the depression that might occur seeing the saddest stories on a daily basis. Allah says in the Qur’ān, “Indeed the believers are brothers.” (49:10). Sometimes there is a misconception that you have to have a huge office or a large masjid in order to get work done. But honestly, all you need is a dedicated group of people with the right intention and things take off from there. 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: 'If you love the poor and bring them near you. . .God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection.' - Al-Tirmidhi,Click To Tweet

Made me thankful

This made me thankful for whatever I had, serving the less fortunate reminded me daily to turn to Allah and ask for forgiveness and so be thankful. This kind of service also puts things into perspective. What is truly important in life? I stepped further and further away from a materialistic lifestyle and allowed me to value things that can’t be valued by money. I learned this from the poorest of people in my community, who strived daily for their family regardless of their situation — parents who did what they can to shield their children from their harsh reality. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “If you love the poor and bring them near you. . .God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection.” – Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1376. They had a quality about them, despite their poverty status. They were always some of the kindest people I have known. 

People want to do Good

I learned that people want to do good; they want to improve their community and society. I began to see the impact on a communal level, people were being more engaged. We were the only Muslim group helping indiscriminately in our county. Even the people we helped, gave back by volunteering at our food pantry. We have schools where small kids (under adult supervision) partake in preparing meals for the needy, local masajids, churches, and temples, high school kids from public schools, and college organizations (Muslim and nonMuslim) visit frequently from several cities in neighboring counties, cities, and states. The good spreads a lot easier and faster than evil. People want to do good, we just need more opportunities for them to join in. United we can rock this world.

“We need more light about each other. Light creates understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity.” Malcolm X. Click To Tweet

Smiles

Smiles, I have seen the wealthiest smiles on the poorest people. Despite being on the brink of homelessness, when I saw them they had the best smile on their faces. This wasn’t all of them, but then I would smile back and that changed the environment we were in. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” – Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98. Smiles are truly universal.

It’s ok to cry

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah said: “A man who weeps for fear of Allah will not enter Hell until the milk goes back into the udder, and dust produced (when fighting) for the sake of Allah and the smoke of Hell will never coexist.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasaa’i. There are situations you see that hit you hard; they fill your heart with emotions, but that never swayed my concrete belief in Allah’s wisdom. Crying before Allah, not just out of fear, but to be thankful for His Mercy upon you is a relief.

Learning to say no

It was one of the hardest things I had to do, a lot (if not all) of the requests I received for help were extremely reasonable. I do not think anyone asked for anything outrageous. Our organization started becoming the go-to organization in our area for help, but we are one organization, with limited resources, and a few times we were restricted on when or how we could help. This is where learning to say no became a learned skill. Wedid do our best to follow up with a plan or an alternative resource.

It is part of raising a family and finding yourself

How so? Being involved in your community doesn’t take away from raising your family, it is part of it. I can’t watch and do nothing and expect my children to be heroes. I have to lead by example. Helping others is good for my family’s health. Many people living in our country are consumed with their busy lives. Running out the door, getting to work, driving the kids to their after school activities, spending weekends taking care of their families, etc. So people have a fear of investing hours in doing this type of work. But in reality, this work puts more blessings in your time.

One may feel they are taking time away from their family, but in reality, when one comes back home, they find more peace in their home then they left it with. By helping others, I improve the health and culture of my community, this in turn positively impacts my family.

I enjoy being a softie with my family and friends. I am a tall bearded man, and that image suited me better. I am not sure what made me softer, having kids or serving the poor. Either way, it was rewarding and defined my role and purpose in my community.

I learned that you make your own situation. You can be a spectator, or you can get in there and do the best you can to help. It gave me an opportunity to be a role model for my own children, to show them the benefit of doing good and helping when you can.

It came with a lot of humility. Soon after starting I realized that all I am is a facilitator, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is giving an opportunity of a lifetime to do this work, a line of work very little people get to engage in regularly. My advice to my readers, if you can serve the poor do so immediately before you get occupied or busy with life.

Helping others is good for my family’s health.Click To Tweet

Dawah through action

As I mentioned before I did spend time studying, and at one point developed one of the top dawah initiatives in the country (according to IERA). But the reality is, helping the less fortunate is my type of dawah, people started to associate our food pantry and helping others with Islam. As an organization with one of the most diverse groups of volunteers, people from various religious backgrounds found the environment comfortable and hospitable. I began working with people I never would have worked before if I had stuck to traditional dawah, studying, or masjid involvement, all of which are critical. This became a symbol of Islam in our community, and while serving, we became those that embodied the Quran and Sunnah. For a lot of those we served, we were the first Muslims they encountered, and Alhamdulilah for the team we have. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) also says in the Quran: “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you” (3:159). It is our actions that can turn people away or towards Islam.

Once you serve the needy, you do this for life

I wasn’t volunteering on occasion,— this was an unpaid job that was done regularly. I got requests and calls for emergencies daily at times. It took up hours upon hours every week. As a charity worker, I developed experience and insight in this field. I learned that this was one of the best ways I could serve Allah [swt. “They ask you (O Muhammad) what they should spend in charity. Say: ‘Whatever you spend with a good heart, give it to parents, relatives, orphans, the helpless, and travelers in need. Whatever good you do, God is aware of it.'” – The Holy Quran, 2:215

I believe the work I do with the countless people that do the same is the best work that can be done in our current political climate and globalization. My views and thoughts have evolved over the years seeing situations develop to what they are today. This gave me a comprehensive outlook on our needs as a society and allowed me to venture off and meet people top in their fields like in social activism, environmentalism, labor, etc.

I want to end with three sectors in society that Muslims prosper in and three that Muslims can improve on. We strive on individual education (noncommunal), distributing and organizing charity, and more recently being politically engaged. What we need to improve on is our environmental awareness, working with and understanding unions and labor rights, and organizing anti-war movements. 

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#Islam

He Catches Me When I Fall: A Journey To Tawakkul

Merium Khan, Guest Contributor

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Tawakkul- a leaf falling
Which deeds are most beloved to Allah?

Alhamdulillah, by the blessings of Allah (swt) and readers like yourself, MuslimMatters has been an independent platform for our best thought leaders to educate us in our faith and catalyze change through powerful, necessary conversations. Since our humble beginnings as a basic wordpress blog in 2007, our content has remained free.

The Prophet (SAW) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small. Click here to support us with a monthly donation of $10 per month, or even as little as $1. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it.

While discussing an emotionally-heavy issue, my therapist brought up the point that in life we can reach a point of acceptance in regards to our difficult issues: “It sounds cliche, but there’s no other way to say it: it is what it is.”

Okay, I thought, as I listened. Acceptance. Yes, I can do this eventually. She went on to add: “It is what it is, and I know that everything will be okay.””

Tears had already been flowing, but by this point, full-blown sobs started. “I…can’t….seem…to ever…believe that.” There. I had said it. I had faked being confident and accepting, even to myself. I had faked the whole, “I have these health problems, but I am so together” type of vibe that I had been putting out for years.

Maybe it was the hormones of a third pregnancy, confronting the realities of life with multiple chronic diseases, family problems, or perhaps a midlife crisis: but at that moment, I did not feel deep in my heart with true conviction that everything would be okay.

That conversation led me to reflect on the concept of tawakkul in the following weeks and months. What did it mean to have true trust in Allah? And why was it that for years I smiled and said, “Alhamdulillah, I’m coping just fine!” when in reality, the harsh truth was that I felt like I had not an ounce of tawakkul?

I had led myself to believe that denying my grief and slapping a smile on was tawakkul. I was being outwardly cheerful — I even made jokes about my life with Multiple Sclerosis — and I liked to think I was functioning all right. Until I wasn’t.

You see, the body doesn’t lie. You can tell all the lies you want to with your tongue, but after some time, the body will let you know that it’s holding oceans of grief, unshed tears, and unhealed traumas. And that period of my life is a tale for another time.

The short story is that things came to a head and I suddenly felt utterly overwhelmed and terrified daily about my future with a potentially disabling disease, while being diagnosed with a second major chronic illness, all while caring for a newborn along with my other children. Panic attacks and severe anxiety ensued. When I realized that I didn’t have true tawakkul, I had to reflect and find my way again.

I thought about Yaqub (Jacob). I thought long and hard about his grief: “Yaa asafaa ‘alaa Yusuf!” “Oh, how great is my grief for Joseph!”

He wept until he was blind. And yet, he constantly asserted, “Wallahul-Musta’aan”: “Allah is the one whose help is sought.” And he believed.

Oh, how did he believe. His sons laughed and called him an old fool for grieving over a son lost for decades. He then lost another dear son, Binyamin. And yet he said, “Perhaps it will be that my Lord will bring them to me altogether.”

There is no sin in grief Click To Tweet

So my first realization was that there was no sin in the grief. I could indeed trust Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) while feeling a sorrow so profound that it ripped me apart at times. “The heart grieves and the eyes weep, but the tongue does not say that except which pleases its Lord. Oh, Ibrahim, we are gravely saddened by your passing.” These are the words of our Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) for a lost infant son, said with tears pouring down his blessed face, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him).

I thought of the Year of Grief, Aamul-Huzn, when he, Allah’s peace be upon him, lost the woman who was the love of his life and the mother of his children; as well as an uncle who was like a father. The year was named after his grief! And here I was denying myself this human emotion because it somehow felt like a betrayal of true sabr?

Tawakkul, tawakkul, where are you? I searched for how I could feel it, truly feel it.Click To Tweet

Through years of introspection and then therapy, I realized that I had a personality that centered around control. I expressed this in various ways from trying to manage my siblings (curse of the firstborn), to trying to manage my childbirth and health. If I only did the “right” things, then I could have the perfect, “natural” birth and the perfect picture of health.

When I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, these illusions started to crack. And yet even then, I thought that if I did the right things, took the right supplements and alternative remedies and medications, that I wouldn’t have trouble with my MS.

See, when you think you control things and you attempt to micromanage everything, you’ve already lost tawakkul. You’ve taken the role of controlling the outcome upon yourself when in reality, your Lord is in control. It took a difficult time when I felt I was spiraling out of control for me to truly realize that I was not the master of my outcomes. Certainly, I would “tie my camel” and take my precautions, but then it was a matter of letting go.

At some point, I envisioned my experience of tawakkul as a free-fall. You know those trust exercises that you do at summer camps or company retreats? You fall back into the arms of someone and relinquish any control over your muscles. You are supposed to be limp and fully trust your partner to catch you.

I did this once with a youth group. After they fell–some gracefully and trusting, some not — I told them: “This is the example of tawakkul. Some of you didn’t trust and you tried to break your fall but some of you completely let go and let your partner catch you. Life will throw you down, it will hit you over and over, and you will fall–but He, subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), will be there to break your fall.”

I am falling. There is a degree of terror and sadness in the fall. But that point when through the pain and tears I can say, “It is what it is, and no matter what, everything will be okay”, that right there is the tranquility that comes from tawakkul.

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So You Are The Wali, Now What?

Dr Shadee Elmasry

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Which deeds are most beloved to Allah?

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The way most Muslims (as well as conservative Christians and Jews) live, a man asks for a woman’s hand in marriage from the father.

The father is not just a turnstile who has to say yes. He is a “wali” or protector and guardian of his daughter’s rights. So he will be asking some serious questions that would be awkward if the woman had to ask them.

Furthermore, in the Muslim community today esp. in the West, there are many converts that seek out a wali because they have no male relative who is Muslim. In this post, I share some guidelines aimed at the wali in his new role and stories that are useful.

Being a wali is not an honorary role. You’re not just throwing out the first pitch. You’re actually trying to throw curveballs to see whether the proposal checks out or has issues.

Here are some questions and demands a wali should make:

Background check: Call and meet at least four people that were close to the man who has proposed and interview them. There’s no husn al-zann (good opinion) in marriage. As a potential suitor, you are rejected until you prove yourself, much like an application for employment. These days, most people’s background can be found on their social media, so the wali has to spend time scrolling down. Keep scrolling, read the comments, look at the pictures, click on who’s tagged in those pictures. Get a good idea. You are a private investigator *before* the problem happens, not after. 

Check financials:  You need to see the financials to make sure they are not in some ridiculous debt or have bad credit such that they can’t even rent an apartment or cover basic needs. You want some evidence that he can fulfill the obligation of maintenance.

Check the educational background or skill set: This is a given. If it’s solid, then it can outweigh lack of funds at this moment.

Check medical records: If this is a stranger, the wali needs medical records. There was once a wealthy, handsome young man that was suave and a seemingly amazing prospect who proposed for a girl who was comparatively of average looks and from a family of very modest means. The mother and daughter were head over heels, but the dad had enough common sense to know something was up.

“Why would he come knocking on our door?,” he asked.

So the father demanded medical records. The guy never produced them. When the dad pressed him, the man admitted, he had a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and that’s why he couldn’t find anyone else to marry him.

Now note, there are legitimate cases where people have a past when they have made mistakes. This happens to the best of us, and the door for tawbah (repentance) is open. In those cases, there are organizations that match-make for Muslims with STDs. People should act in a responsible manner and not damage the lives of other humans beings.

Lifestyle: It is your job to check if the two parties have agreed on life essentials such as religious beliefs, where to live, how to school kids, etc?

In-laws: Have you at least met the family of the suitor and spent some time with them to make sure there’s nothing alarming?

Engagement: Contrary to popular understanding, there is such a thing as engagement in Islam. It’s an announcement of a future commitment to marriage. Nothing changes between the fiancees, but nobody is allowed to propose anymore. The purpose of engagement is to give time for both parties to get ready. For example, the groom may want to save up some money, or the girl may be finishing up college. Also, it’s easy to put on a face during the get-to-know process, but it’s hard to fake it over an eight or nine-month period. I remember a story where a young woman was engaged, and four months into the engagement they discovered the young man was still getting to know other women. He basically reserved the girl and then went to check for better options. Needless to say, he was dumped on the spot. Engagements are commonly a few months. I think more than a year is too much.

Legal/Civil:  The marriage should be legal/civil in the country where you will settle. If you accept a Shariah marriage but not a civil one, know that you’re asking for legal complications, especially if a child enters the picture. (Ed. Note- we realize that some countries do not allow legal registration of more than one marriage- if that is a consideration please look at all options to protect your ward. There are ways to get insurance that can be set up.)

Mahr: Get 50% of the dowry upfront (or some decent amount) and whatever is scheduled to be paid later should be written and signed. I’ve seen too many cases where a really nice dowry is “promised” but never produced.

The dowry should be commensurate to current standards depending on the man’s job. For example in our area in America 5, 7, or 10k is a common range.

In sum, there are very few things in life that are as bad as misery in marriage. The wali’s job is to eliminate the bad things that could have been avoided. If that means he has to be demanding and hated for a few months, it’s worth the cost.

It’s preventative medicine.

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